The Fuddler November 2009

32
WHITEHARTAMPTHILL.CO.UK 10 FANTASTIC EN SUITE DOUBLE ROOMS SUNDAY ROAST SERVED FROM 12.00 - 6.00 pm BAR & TAPAS MENU served all day every day Tel: 01525 406863 DROVERS ARMS of STEPPINGLEY Christmas bookings now being taken. NEW YEAR’S EVE Rock your way into 2010 with our fabulous ROCK N’ ROLL NEW YEAR’S PARTY Book your table now to avoid disappointment Tel: 01525 715697 www.droversarms.eu All central Bedfordshire areas covered x Airport transfer specialists x Competitive prices x Corporate account works x Passenger & parcel service x School service x 100% reliable service x Professional service guaranteed x 24 hours a day C&R PEST MANAGEMENT x 40 Yrs experience x Fully Insured x Special Rates for OAPS! Wasps, Rats, Mice, Rabbits, Moles, etc Free Estimate 01525 288207 07500 431131 Do you need a venue for a Friday or Saturday night party? Ampthill Town FC offers a fully licensed bar, excellent catering facilities and capacity for 80 people For further information, contact: Pauline Marlow 01525-750217 FIXED PRICE AERIAL INSTALLATIONS See our ad on page 30 D & G SHORT NEED A LOCKSMITH? Please turn to our ad on page 8 Plus - All aspects of home security Hello everyone, and a big welcome to this November edition of your Fuddler! As we start the big countdown to Christmas we hope that you enjoy this almost festive issue with all the usual fun and nonsense inside. You will also find a large number of important messages from our advertisers which are handy to keep, showing again and again that ‘Whatever you’re looking for - you’ll find it in The Fuddler’! If you decide that you would like to advertise with us you will find all our contact details on page four of this issue. Sharman Law SOLICITORS Incorporating Sharman & Trethewy The Solicitors who care for you, your family and your business 1 Harpur Street, Bedford Telephone: 01234 30 30 30 Email: [email protected] Website: www.SharmanLaw.co.uk 88 Dunstable Street, Ampthill Telephone: 01525 750 750

description

A free, lighthearted publication from Ampthill, UK

Transcript of The Fuddler November 2009

Page 1: The Fuddler November 2009

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When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

WHITEHARTAMPTHILL.CO.UK 10 FANTASTIC EN SUITE DOUBLE ROOMS

SUNDAY ROAST SERVED FROM 12.00 - 6.00 pm BAR & TAPAS MENU served all day every day

Tel: 01525 406863

DROVERS ARMS of STEPPINGLEY Christmas bookings now being taken.

NEW YEAR’S EVERock your way into 2010 with our fabulous

ROCK N’ ROLL NEW YEAR’S PARTY Book your table now to avoid disappointment Tel: 01525 715697 www.droversarms.eu

All central Bedfordshire areas covered Airport transfer specialists Competitive prices Corporate account works Passenger & parcel service School service 100% reliable service Professional service guaranteed 24 hours a day

C&R PEST MANAGEMENT

40 Yrs experience Fully Insured Special Rates for OAPS!

Wasps, Rats, Mice, Rabbits, Moles, etc

Free Estimate01525 288207

07500 431131

Do you need a venue for a Friday or

Saturday night party? Ampthill Town FC offers

a fully licensed bar, excellent catering facilities and capacity for 80 people

For further information, contact: Pauline Marlow

01525-750217

FIXED PRICE AERIAL

INSTALLATIONS

See our ad on page 30

D & G SHORT

NEED A LOCKSMITH?

Please turn to our ad

on page 8

Plus - All aspects of

home security

Hello everyone, and a big welcome to this November edition of your Fuddler! As we start the big countdown to Christmas we hope that you enjoy this almost festive issue with all the usual fun and nonsense inside. You will also find a large number of important

me s s a ge s f r o m o u r advertisers which are handy to keep, showing again and again that ‘Whatever you’re looking for - you’ll find it in The Fuddler’!If you decide that you would like to advertise with us you will find all our contact details on page four of this issue.

Sharman LawS O L I C I T O R SIncorporating Sharman & Trethewy

The Solicitors who care for you,your family and your business

1 Harpur Street, BedfordTelephone: 01234 30 30 30

Email: [email protected]: www.SharmanLaw.co.uk

88 Dunstable Street, AmpthillTelephone: 01525 750 750

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CHINESE and PEKING CUISINE

111, Dunstable Street, Ampthill Telephone: 01525 840096

Dew Drop Inn Christmas Menu A £19.95 per head Minimum of 2 people

Starter Ate Mosked Hecknic, Pede Rifed Dixem

Getevables, Parse Birs Dockoe ni Equebrab Cause, Depe Drife Weesade,

Yatas Hecknic

Second Course Rispyc Roamatic Kcud

Main Course Ziszling Hicknec dan Feeb Kocoed ni

Nerge Reppep dan Calbk Nabe Cause, Equebarb Korp, Chrenf Nabes in Cilrag

dan Tubret Cause, Geg Drife Cire

Ate or Focfee

Dew Drop Inn Christmas Menu B £24.95 per head Minimum of 2 people

Starter Pede Defir Dreshded Kichcen, Eped Rifed Ragdon Lalbs, Pede Rifed Wee seda , Shif Sacke Hait Lyste, Messae

Wranp no Stoat

Second Course Priscy Maroatic Kucd

Main Course Slingizz Kates ni Clabk Reppep Cause,

Hilcli Chenick Hait Lyste, Knom Getavebles, Chezsun Knig Wranp, Geg

Difer Ceir

Nabana ro Papel Trifter

Eddie says here’s his Christmas

menu, just like the food - work it out

for yourself!!

33, RUSSELL DRIVE AMPTHILL

With Winter just around the corner, isn’t it time you considered replacing those doors and windows? Or maybe a new conservatory to enjoy. Don’t compromise on style - call into our showroom and see our stunning range of doors and windows including “The Composite Door”.

No window or glazing job too small.

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There’s a fun filled evening in store on Saturday the 12th December with a very special Christmas Cabaret at Parkside Hall in Woburn Street, Ampthill! Presented by Entertainer’s Productions, the show features Robert Daws, Amy Robbins, Linda Armstrong and Emma Robbins with her Christmas Swing Band featuring Peter Dale and Gary Wood. Plus, there is also to be a special guest appearance by Kate Robbins. This is a fabulous evening of music, comedy, poetry and carols produced by Simon Shelton to help raise funds for Gladys Ibbet Hospice, Marie Curie, Parkside Rebuild and The Jack and Jill Playgroup. The show starts at 8.00 pm with doors opening at 7.15 with a glass of bubbly on arrival plus cold buffet. Also expect some surprises on the night but whatever you do - book your tickets early!! Tickets available from Bows Boutique, Ampthill Tel: 01525 406689.

We’ve been asked to publish a very big thank you to everyone involved with the Charity car wash at Ampthill Fire Station held on October 10th in aid of L e o n a r d C h e s h i r e Disability. We understand that the event raised a massive £721.00 for the Charity.

Come and have your say.Flitwick and Steppingley - 2 5 t h N o v e m b e r a t Steppingley Village Hall, Steppingley, MK45 5AT

As always, there is tremendous excitement in the air with the forthcoming Ampthill Christmas Lights Switching on Ceremony! Taking place on Sunday 29th November from 2.30 pm in the Town Centre car park, you are invited to come and wander round the v a r i o u s s t a l l s a n d attractions, meet Father Christmas, and marvel at the many fairground rides available. We understand that there will be Carol Singing leading up to the big switch on at 4.30 pm. Refreshments are also available on the big day which promises to be a fun afternoon for all the family!

Staples Garden Centre, Fordfield Rd, Millbrook, MK45 2HZ Telephone 01525 402959

Workshops & Clubs available - please come in for details We stock card making supplies, decoupage, water colour supplies and much more! DMC Silks, Jewellery, beads and findings. Stockists of wool - Sirdar, Bretts, Peter Pan & Wendy. NEW!

JEWELLERY WORKSHOP

Please pop in shop for dates.

Beading club held fortnightly on a Wednesday afternoon for all

Beadaholics! £2.50 for 2 hours! Bring your latest project and meet new friends!

CHIMNEY SWEEPING SERVICE

FRIENDLY FAST EFFICIENT CLEAN

VERY REASONABLE RATES

TEL: 01525 280214

Est. 1988

Yoga Yoga is great for toning and to reduce stress, it will increase

flexibility, improves strength, enlightens and uplifts you. Hatha Yoga Classes Tuesday 6:00-7:00 Tuesday 7:15-8:15 Thursday 7:15-8:15

Vinyasa Yoga An invigorating, energetic, creative yoga class.

This class is for all levels and abilities but a basic level of fitness is required.

Thursday 6-7 For more information please call

Melanie Collins 07791 939164 Or to book a place call 01525 841845

Classes are taught in small groups of no more than 6, so personal attention can be given to all students.

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“The Fuddler” i s p u b l i s hed by MDA Publications and printed by Fidelity Print Solutions. The views expressed herein are not necessarily those of the publisher. No part of this publication may be copied in any form or by any means without written permission of the Publisher. Copyright MDA Publications. Like to book an ad, or ask about our absurdly low rates please ring Martin on

LORD DEE’S PONDERINGS Duster and Check-It-

Out brought to my attention the other day

an article in the National Press saying that there has been a big return to the ‘Tuck

Shop’ days where people are purchasing

treats such as sweeties, chocolates

and the like! I wonder if there were

any cream cakes! Yaroo!

A BRIANISM

"The most wonderful thing I think I heard today was the clink

and rattle of the brewer's dray"

Across: 1 Cures, 4 Trouble, 8 Pancake, 9 Lacks, 10 Avert, 11 Indulge, 13 Erse, 15 Nature, 17 Emerge, 20 Eddy, 22 Dislike, 24 Sting, 26 Thing, 27 Iterate, 28 Hygiene, 29 Yield

Down: 1 Captain, 2 Rinse, 3 Shatter, 4 Thesis, 5 Oiled, 6 Buckle, 7 Ensue, 12 Need, 14 Reek, 16 Tasting, 18 Mystery, 19 Egghead, 21 Decide, 22 Ditch, 23 Ingle, 25 Irate

Order your new Stove or

Fireplace NOW in time for Christmas!

(Subject to availability)

Mon - Fri 10.00 - 5.00 Sat 10.00 - 4.00

1 Woburn Street Ampthill, Beds

MK45 2HP Tel: 01525 841199

www.ampthillfireplaces.co.uk

A Made to Measure and Alteration Servicefor Home & Wear

Discount for multiple items Contact Anne 07907 439288

[email protected]

CLOUD NINE

DISCO For DANCES, WEDDINGS, PARTIES,

PROMOTIONS, CHILDREN’S PARTIES Etc.GUY INGLE

Professional D.J. / Entertainer Ingle Entertainments

Ampthill (01525) 402475

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Autumn a al carte menu

Starters Chef’s soup of the day £4.95 Ham hock terrine served with homemade piccalilli £5.95

Smoked haddock & prawn mornay, tomato fondue & brioche crumble

£6.95 Chicken liver parfait, toasted brioche, apple chutney £6.50

Risotto of the day £6.25 Salmon & cod fish cakes £6.00 A salad of marinated artichoke,

mozzarella & tomatoes with a tarragon & oregano dressing £6.00

Pan fried black pudding, fried quails eggs & smoked bacon

served on mixed leaves with a Dijon vinaigrette £5.95 Tapas of seafood; marinated

salmon, escabeche of red mullet & marinated prawns served

with avocado sorbet & chilli salsa £6.95

Main course Roast pheasant, served with pearl

barley & seasonal greens £13.50 Grilled fillet of sea bass served with

glazed orange fennel, thyme scented new potatoes

with sauce vierge £14.25 Braised oxtail served with parsnip mash, roasted root vegetables & a

red wine sauce £13.75 Gnocchi together with wild

mushrooms, white truffle oil & aged parmesan £12.75

Grilled fillet of cod served with wilted spinach, prawns, sautéed

potatoes & shellfish bisque £14.50 Lancashire hot pot served with

braised red cabbage £13.25 Desserts

Sticky toffee pudding, vanilla ice cream & toffee sauce £5.75

Poached pear set in a filo pastry case with a chocolate mousse,

accompanied by pear sorbet £5.50 Chocolate brownie served with

marinated cherries & vanilla ice cream £5.75

Passion fruit tart together with an autumn berry sorbet £5.50

Vanilla pod pannacotta served with red berries & a rose champagne

sorbet £5.50 A selection of homemade Ice cream

& sorbets £5.50 A selection of English &

Continental cheeses £6.50

CHRISTMAS FAYRE 2009

Salmon & Crab Terrine, Swiss Chard & Rocket With a Lime Vinaigrette Tomato & Basil Soup Served with Homemade Bread

Pan Fried Local Pigeon Breast With Crispy Bacon & A Raspberry Vinaigrette Mediterranean Vegetable Salad Topped With Grilled goats Cheese

With A Tomato Dressing ***** ***** *****

Fillet Of Salmon, Crab Risotto Shellfish Sauce Breast of Duck, Fondant Potatoes, Braised Red Cabbage With A Port & Red Wine

Jus Traditional Roast Turkey, Roast Potatoes & Seasonal Vegetables

Roasted Sweet Potato, Spinach & Parmesan Risotto ***** ***** *****

Fresh Lemon Tart Served With Strawberry Sorbet Sticky Toffee Pudding With Toffee Sauce & Vanilla Ice cream

Raspberry Cheesecake served with White chocolate Sorbet A Selection Of English & Continental Cheeses

LUNCH

Two Course £16.95 Three Course £19.95

DINNER

Three course £25.95 (Available 1st-23rd December)

CHRISTMAS EVE LUNCH

24th DECEMBER

Two course £18.95 Three course £21.95

We are also open Boxing day for lunch & dinner

Earl’s Restaurant 119 Dunstable Street Ampthill Bedfordshire MK45 2NG Telephone 01525 404024

www.earlsofampthill.com

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As Tarquin’s away Marjorie has been kind enough to send in another of her quick crosswords - thanks again Marjorie!

Mandatory

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

8 9

10 11

12 13 14 15

16

17 18 19 20 21

22 23

24 25

A

D

Y

O

N R

TM

A

Sandra’s been busy again looking through her big book of words (dictionary?) and brings us yet another word. (Nothing to do with the crossword.) Just look at the hexagon and see whether or not the word jumps out at you! (Answer at the bottom of the page if it doesn’t!)

Across: 1 Fractious (7) 5 Duos (5) 8 Abundant (5) 9 Reduces (7) 10 Late (7) 11 Panache (5) 12 Demand (6) 14 Alter (6) 17 Fracas (5) 19 Cubicle (7) 22 Bison (7) 23 Joyful expression (3-2) 24 Soothe (5) 25 Harass (7)

Down: 1 Greek Philosopher (5) 2 Inspire (7) 3 Work dough (5) 4 Type of bet (6) 5 Studied (7) 7 Doubt (7) 12 Drinks (7) 13 Recover (7) 15 Offence (7) 16 Boldly approach (6) 18 Dreadful (5) 20 Change (5) 21 Cook (5)

DO YOU WANT TO QUIT SMOKING?

If you quit today, you could save up to £1000 by the end of 2009.

Qualified Hypnotherapist Anna Botsford can help you today.

Call me for an informal chat: Remember, you could save up to £1000 this year alone.

Do it now! Anna Botsford Dip/Hyp, NLP Practitioner

Email: [email protected] Tel: 07952 601296

CHEESEMANS PHARMACY OF AMPTHILL Tel: 01525 402173

FREE PRESCRIPTION DELIVERY Can’t get to the chemist or surgery?

Don’t worry, we’ll pick up your prescription from your surgery and deliver your medication to your door.

Covering Ampthill, Clophill, Flitwick, Houghton Conquest, Maulden, Silsoe, Wilstead

& surrounding villages.

Bob AmblerCarpenter & Joiner

Carpentry Fitted Kitchens

Kitchen re-doors and worktops Fitted Bedrooms and Home office furniture

Fitted Bathrooms Fitted Bathroom Furniture

A complete design, supply and installation service or

You supply and we install 01525 405393 ans. phone

Mobile 07889 058345 email: [email protected]

For a 1st Class MILK DELIVERY

SERVICE TELEPHONE 01525 402206

Maulden Dairies Warren Farm, Woburn Street, Millbrook

Free doorstep delivery

Organic and Soya Milk available

Luxury Jersey Cream

Christmas soft drinks and mixers

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THE

ROSE & CROWN 89 High street Ridgmont Beds MK43 0TY

TELEPHONE: 01525 280245 Email: [email protected]

www.roseandcrownridgmont.co.uk

Lunch Menu - £16.50 per person

fàtÜàxÜá HOMEMADE VEGETABLE SOUP

CHEF’S PATE

DEEP FRIED CHEESES

`t|Ç VÉâÜáxá ROAST TURKEY

served with bacon & sausage roll, seasonal stuffing, roast potatoes, new potatoes, cranberry sauce and a selection

of seasonal vegetables

BONELESS BREAST of DUCK served with a fruity berry sauce, roast potatoes, new

potatoes and a selection of seasonal vegetables

FILLET OF SALMON poached in orange and dill sauce and served with new

potatoes and a selection of seasonal vegetables

VEGETARIAN NUT ROAST served with vegetarian gravy, roast potatoes, new potatoes

and a selection of seasonal vegetables

WxááxÜàá TRADITIONAL CHRISTMAS PUDDING

CHEESECAKE

Both are served with a choice of pouring cream or custard

CHEESEBOARD

Dinner Menu - £18.50 per person

fàtÜàxÜá BROCCOLI & STILTON SOUP

CHEF’S PATE

DEEP FRIED CAMEMBERT

`t|Ç VÉâÜáxá ROAST TURKEY

served with bacon & sausage roll, seasonal stuffing, roast potatoes, new potatoes, cranberry sauce and a selection

of seasonal vegetables

BONELESS BREAST of DUCK served with a fruity berry sauce, roast potatoes, new

potatoes and a selection of seasonal vegetables

FILLET OF SALMON poached in orange and dill sauce and served with new

potatoes and a selection of seasonal vegetables

VEGETARIAN NUT ROAST served with vegetarian gravy, roast potatoes, new potatoes

and a selection of seasonal vegetables

WxááxÜàá TRADITIONAL CHRISTMAS PUDDING

CHEESECAKE

Both are served with a choice of pouring cream or custard

CHEESEBOARD

gÉ Y|Ç|á{ COFFEE & MINCE PIES

CELEBRATE THIS CHRISTMAS AT THE ROSE & CROWN

Our dining tables will be festively decorated for all parties booked from 1st December to 23rd December 2009.

OUR FABULOUS STABLES FUNCTION ROOMS ARE ALSO AVAILABLE TO HIRE FOR YOUR PRIVATE CHRISTMAS EVENT FOR UP TO 70 PEOPLE

For more details or to make your booking please call us on 01525 280245 or email [email protected]

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“It was a very cold and snowy Sunday morning when Benedictus, the church cat ventured out into the crispness of the day many hundreds of years ago. He watched with interest as the peoples filed into church but was most put out because they were not taking any notice of him at all. ‘Hmm’ he thought ‘no different from being at home then….’ For his beloved Gloria was far to busy with the latest arrivals to worry about B e n e d i c t u s an d h i s idiosyncrasies. And so it was that his adventures

began. Adventures that would spin him through the centuries of time and bring him firmly into the 21st

c e n t u r y ………… . . ” KNOCK, KNOCK, story t o t a l l y i n t e r r u p t e d . Curiosity got the better and the door was opened. Would Meerkat be so kind as to put up this poster of a forthcoming event. Most certainly………too late now to return to the book so Meerkat wishes all the chums at The Fuddler a V E R Y H A P P Y C H R I S T M A S a n d W O N D E R F U L N E W YEAR. And now definitely hibernation time, so good

night – till March….. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZ

St Michael and All Angels, Millbrook,

BELL RESTORATION FUN QUIZ NIGHT……

with prize for winning team Millbrook Village Hall

Friday 20th November 2009 8 pm for 8.30 pm,

Teams of 6 – 8 Bar and price of ticket (£7.50 per person) to

include Fish ‘n’ Chip supper (sausage if preferred)

INTERESTED? Please contact Carolyn

Chappell (01525) 403095

With Geoffrey THE Golfer While sitting at a table in the clubhouse after a game, Peter remarked to a fellow club member', I'm not going to play golf with Jimmy Johnston anymore. He cheats.' 'Why do you say that?' asked his friend. 'Well, he found his lost ball two feet from the green', replied Peter indignantly. 'That's entirely possible', commented his friend. 'Not when I had his golf ball in my pocket', retorted Peter with finality

GTG

WE HAVE PARKING AVAILABLE WITH EASY ACCESS TO THE STATION FOR A NOMINAL FEE OF £40.00 PER MONTH

Thursday evenings is Quiz Nite - please come along - £1.00 per person - cash prize for the winning team. Saturday December 5th

11 am - 3 pm Art exhibition and sale with crafts CHILDREN’S CHRISTMAS PARTY SUNDAY 20th DECEMBER

With a great clown ‘Squirty Wirty’ - £5.00 per ticket 2.00 - 5.00 pm Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve - Disco with local DJs - all welcome

The Flitwick Club20 High Street, Flitwick, Beds Tel: 01525 751555

MICK HULATTCARPENTRY SERVICES

QUALITY CRAFTSMAN EST.1990 FOR ALL ASPECTS OF

CARPENTRY & BUILDING WORK Call: 01525 713590 or 07949 072133

E-mail: [email protected]

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FORDFIELD ROAD, MILLBROOK, BEDFORD MK45 2HZ

07771 585756

STAPLES GARDEN CENTRE

OUR BEST

CHRISTMAS

DISPLAY EVER!!

Toys, gifts, decorations

GREAT DEALS ON LIGHTS

70 LED energy saving lights indoor

or outdoor in choice of colours

RRP £14.99 £9.99

40 Large outdoor lights white

or coloured

RRP £29.99 £19.99

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By Julio Van Peebles My World in Torment 1) Why do never see a packet of crisps marked 'Plain' ? 2) Is there such a thing as a wild poodle? 3) Why do baby clothes have pockets? 4) What happened to Gloy? 5) If there are 52 weeks in a year and 365 days, why does 52 x 7 = 364? ...... so which week only has 6 days? Julio's Top Tip: When phoning in sick, convince your boss you have a bad cold by slipping your tongue in to a boiling hot pop tart just before you call !

HELL’S BELL’S! A BIG AMPTHILLIAN WELCOME BACK TO THE FLYING SCOTSWOMAN!

Edmonds 90 Partridge x

With Jimmy The Voice This month ‘The Voice’ has sent us another cracker! If you look at the picture it seems to be a grumpy rather old magician.

Turn the picture upside down and you see the rabbit!

Reasonable Rates Experienced Mechanic

Servicing Spares Repairs ON ALL MAKES OF CARS, MOTORCYCLES

LIGHT COMMERCIALS OLD AND NEW MOT’S ARRANGED, MOT WORK CARRIED OUT

BMJ HOME & GARDEN SERVICESFor all those jobs around the house and garden,

that you never have time for!We are an established, reliable trustworthy & a very

reasonably priced company. NO JOB TOO SMALL

Tel: Joolz or Michael on 01525 211670 Mob: 07871 802815

Courtesy Ruby We have a very unusual word this month which apparently has taken its place in the dictionary! The word from Ruby this month is ‘Blipvert’. Do you know what it means? Answer at the foot of the page.

A two second TV advert

Here’s a little more whimsy from one of our readers: The recruitment consultant asked me 'What do you think of voluntary work? I said 'I wouldn't do it if you paid me.'

Tyres & Exhausts 66 Bedford Street, Ampthill, Bedfordshire, MK45 2NB

Tel: 01525 405900 Open Monday - Friday 9.00 am - 6.00 pm

Saturday 9.00 - 4.00 pm

At last Ampthill has its own Tyre & Exhaust specialist with expert fitting facilities

and the best service for miles

Servicing & repairs Diagnostics

Timing belts Brakes

Clutches All makes and models

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Babs got a fishing rod for her birthday and decided to go ice fishing to make good use of her gift. Early the next morning, she got all her gear together and h e a d ed o u t t o t h e i c e . When she reached her final destination, she cut a large hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said: ‘There are no fish in there’. So she moved to another spot and cut another hole, but then the same voice spoke again and told her there were no fish in there. So she moved again, and the voice told her there were no fish in there. So she looked up and saw an irritated man staring down at her. ‘How do you know there are no fish there?’ asks Babs sensibly. So the man coolly said ‘Well first of all, this is a Skating rink, and second of all, you're going to have to pay for those holes.’

May your life be like a snowflake: Leaving a mark, not a stain. Ontogeny is all the changes that occur during the lifecycle of an organism. Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the ‘people you may know’ feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with? It may not be best during an interview to lean on the interviewer's desk or frequently glance at your watch. Clap your hands when someone has done something good - many believe it is a sign of appreciation. I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water. 1 Edward Beran of London, 2 Brave

New World - Aldous Huxley, 3 Pygmalion, 4 1962, 5 Breed of sheep, 6 Girac, 7 Joseph Plateau, 8 In a Church, 9 Lighthouse, 10 Elizabeth, Marchant de Saint Michel.

1. On December 12th 1769, who patented the Venetian Blind?

2. ‘A squat grey building of only thirty four stories’ is the opening line of which book?

3. Where would you find ‘Henry Higgins’?

4. When was the instant mashed potato invented?

5. What is a ‘Herdwick’? 6. Who ruled Scotland form 879-

89 7. Who invented the ever popular

stroboscope? 8. Where would you find a ‘Rood

Screen?’ 9. What is a Wonga Shoal? 10.Who did Samuel Pepys marry in

1655?

Electrical Contractor Domestic and Industrial

Your local Electrical Contractor All types of testing and certification undertaken

FREE QUOTATIONSNICEIC Approved Contractor

Working with Ampthill Town Council 11 Cedar Close, Ampthill, Bedford, MK45 2UD

Tel & Fax: 01525 714057

Quality assured workmanship with a personal friendly service. Customer references available on request. Competitive rates and full insurance.

For a free no obligation quotation contact Steve Innes Mobile: 07712 238182 Telephone: 01234 750942

Bathroom suites supplied and fitted Fit only service available Plumbing Electrics

Plastering & Artexing Joinery Floor Tiling Wall Tiling Painting & Decorating

ROSELAND BATHROOMS The Complete Bathroom Solution

From design through to complete installation

Building Preservation Specialists Damp ProofingWoodworm TreatmentsDry / Wet Rot TreatmentsBasement Waterproofing

Telephone/Fax (01525) 406655 Mobile: 07850 727752 email: [email protected]

16 Tavistock Avenue, Ampthill, Bedford. MK45 2RY

THE FIRS GUEST HOUSE & CAFE

85, High Street, Ridgmont, Beds Tel: 01525 280279

GREAT VALUE AT THE FIRS!

B & B from £25.00 per person per night Home cooked meals to eat in or take away ALL DAY BREAKFAST at £4.00 to take away Large selection of home cooked meals all at £5.00 or less! Teas and coffees Sandwiches and rolls Cream teas Telephone orders welcome

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When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

By Sultan Sheik

1) ANNAT..................An item worn on the head 2) ABBYSSINIA........I will see you sometime 3) SORFULL.............It isn't very nice 4) MANIDYUT...........I'm a fool 5) SIN........................It is in

I am confused! Apparently one in five people in the world are Chinese. There are five members of my family so it must be one of them. It’s either my Mum or my Dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it’s Colin.

And here’s another crazy picture of the things that chefs get up to when they have just a bit too much time on their hands!

DISCOS FOR ALL OCCASIONS For The Very Best Disco Around

All The Latest Chart Sounds Great Giveaway Prizes

Receptions For ALL Occasions Very Competitive Prices

Tel: Micky or Joolz on 01525 211670

AT HOME OR WORK Full and part valets, Hand washed and polished

Seats and carpets cleaned Call Nigel on 01525 261485

Mobile 07977 605987 email: [email protected]

NOW OPEN !

CONSERVATORIES & WINDOWS Established 1985

at Leighton Buzzard Garden Centre

Peter Pascan 01525 404204

All products manufactured in our own factory Visit us at

Leighton Buzzard garden Centre Hockcliffe Road, Leighton Buzzard LU7 9NX

Visit www.cladwinds.com Head Office/Factory

Elmsfarm Industrial Estate, Bedford Tel: 01234 268268 [email protected]

NEWSHOWROOM

a peep into the after life . . . . .

in Arthur’s WorldI was enjoying a glass of something smooth and fruity with one of my offspring the other night – as one does ! We were supposed to be discussing the current price of fish and what night we could look after the kids next week Somehow we got round to “other and more serious things” like . . . what is to happen to Arthur when Hartlepool win the Champion’s League and he can depart from this world with mission accomplished ! ! Dead simple, I said . . . “When I’ve departed to that rousing chorus of We are The Champions . . . .you can scatter my ashes Around the Pump. At least then your mother might come and visit me maybe once a week. Just make sure they are Around the Pump though and not drifting on to the Supermarket Car Park If I end up on there, she’ll be visiting every day of the week and more than likely, twice on Sundays” ! ! ! . . . and that would be far too high a price to pay, even for such an amazing Hartlepool victory

Registered Member of The British and Podiatry Association HPC Registration No. CH17913

THERESE GRAY FSSCh. Dip Pod Med. MBChA. Chiropodist Surgery

Telephone: 01525 841845 Email: [email protected]

Physiotherapy Sports & Spinal Clinic, 35A Russell Drive

Ampthill MK45 2TX Tel: 01525 841845

Gift vouchers available for Christmas

Page 13: The Fuddler November 2009

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When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

It’s that time of year the children cheer, It won’t be long before Christmas is here.

So let me tell you what’s going on, in the town, at the Christmas lights switch on. So here’s the date you all need to remember

it’s Sunday the 29th of November. Free hot drinks we give away,

to warm you up on this cold day. Hot chestnuts roasting in the fire,

just waiting to be taken by the buyer. We will also be selling cakes on this day,

so please donate some money and take them away. Fairy cakes, sponges, rock cakes to name a few,

I’ve made them special just for you. (Well some of them)

Free children’s goodie bags while stocks last, so call in quick they will go fast Not for getting Santa’s grotto,

HO HO HO Merry Christmas is his motto. There is so much going on.

Starting at 2.30 so please come a long. We will be keeping the shop open till 6,

to give you a chance to get your Christmas bits. There’s only one thing left to say,

please come along and make our day. Money raised on the day will be going to Keech children’s

hospice and the local scouts. You can contact us at 17 Church Street Ampthill 01525 404314

QUALITY FIREWOODSeasoned Ash, Oak,

Beech Firewood from renewable sources We plant 10 trees

for every one we fell £115 for a full load delivered locally (equivalent to over 2

‘pick up’ loads) £65 per half load delivered

Contact Diane at Estate Office

01525 290 333

TRADITIONAL FREEHOUSE PUB AND RESTAURANT

Now open Monday nights for food plus homemade curry

BOOK EARLY FOR YOUR CHRISTMAS PARTY

2 Course £14.95 3 Course £18.95

View website for details!

The Green Man Church End

Eversholt MK17 9DU

Telephone – 01525 288111 Website www.greenmaneversholt.com

Page 14: The Fuddler November 2009

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When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

SKIP and HELEN welcome you to the

OSSORY ARMS 9 Arthur Street, Ampthill 01525 841508

www.ossoryarms.co.uk

CHOICE OF REAL ALESIPA AND ABBOT

NEW GUEST ALE EVERY MONTH

OPEN ALL DAY - EVERY DAY FOOD SERVED DAILY 12.00 till 2.30 pm

OUT NOW NEW WINTER MENU NOW OPEN FRIDAY MORNINGS FROM 10.30 FOR WORKERS’ BREAKFASTS!

FRI/SAT/SUN BREAKFAST SERVED FROM 10.30 am

FREE POOL EVERY SUNDAY AND MONDAY NIGHT FROM

6.OO PM TILL CLOSE

ALL MAJOR SPORTING EVENTS SHOWN

WATCH OUT FOR DETAILS OF CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEAR EVENTS

CANCER (June 22-July 23) With Christmas just around the corner, it may be that you will receive some welcome tidings which could turn your life around for the better.

LEO (July 24-August 23) Take heed when friends offer advice even if it is not exactly what you want to hear. The intentions will clearly be good.

VIRGO (Aug 24-Sept 23) As we start the headlong gallop towards the end of the year, it may also be a good time to discard those things that you don’t really need.

LIBRA (Sept 24-Oct 23) If travel seems to be at the forefront of your mind, it could be a good plan to follow those instincts. Take care though not to overspend.

SCORPIO (Oct 24-Nov 22) There appears to be some confusion about what best to do at this time. Listen carefully to those around you who will advise.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 23-Dec 22) It is always far better to continue with that which you are comfortable with than gamble on an uncertain future. Keep your reins in.

CAPRICORN (Dec 23-Jan 20) If only all things were that simple! Watch out for hidden pitfalls as you go through the next few weeks. Watch your step and all should be well.

AQUARIUS (Jan 21-Feb 19) In matters of the heart it may prove prudent to wear you heart on your sleeve regardless of what others may say.

PISCES (Feb 20-March 20) There are always things that seem at the time to be insurmountable. However, if you keep your mind focused you can achieve all.

ARIES (March 21-April 20) There barely is a day when you question what you are doing. Stop! Just carry on with the certainty that you were right the first time.

TAURUS (April 21-May 21) Now may be a very good time to carefully consider whether the plan is the right one for you. Heed wise words from a loved one.

GEMINI (May 22-June 21) Look out for others as we approach the festive season and you will find untold joy in the comfort that you can bring.

We take care of EVERYTHING

WE WILL DESIGN AND INSTALL YOUR

BATHROOM, OLD SUITES

DISPOSED OF -

ALL WORK FULLY GUARANTEED BEAUTIFUL RANGE OF TOP NAME

SUITES & SHOWERS

PLUMBING ELECTRICS

CARPENTRY TILING

FLOORING DECORATING

Page 15: The Fuddler November 2009

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When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Memory Foam Mattresses Direct from the manufacturer

at trade prices!

WWW.COMFORT MATTRESS.CO.UK

At Comfort Mattress we manufacture and distribute high quality

Memory Foam mattresses locally from Shefford.

We sell direct to the public and trade cutting out the middle men, allowing us to sell a range of foam products at

FANTASTIC low prices!! Take advantage of massive

discounted prices only available from our Factory Outlet at

12C Oldbridge Way, Shefford Ind Est, Beds SG17 5HQ

30% Discount off web site prices with this voucher.

Not to used with any other offer

YOUR LOCAL

No.1 For Scooters,

Stairlifts & Mobility

Can’t get to us? Call now to organise a free

no pressure home demonstration with one of our friendly

sales advisors.

Curved & Straight stairlifts available.

New and used Scooters, part ex

welcome. Wheelchairs,

Ramps, Walking Sticks, Grab Rails,

Tri-Walkers, Rollators, Bathlifts, Waterproof Clothing

& much more. For more information call us or

visit our website at www.comforthomecare.co.uk

Page 16: The Fuddler November 2009

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When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Trade-In your old radio and get up to £50 off selected new DAB radios!

This offer will not last forever but what a great time to think about upgrading your old radio in time for Christmas. Mention this “Fuddler news article” when making a purchase and receive a FREE gift as well! As TV screens have got thinner, so unfortunately has the sound they produce in a lot of cases! Born out of a passion for perfection, the Q-TV2 will transform the way you enjoy your TV. The first truly discreet, 2.1 HD Sound upgrade for flat screen televisions, the Q-TV2 delivers dynamic, room-filling stereo sound with real bass, yet is completely clutter-free with almost no visual intrusion into your living space. Unobtrusive and supremely easy to install, it boasts 100 watts of amplification, driving eight advanced technology loudspeakers in stereo enclosures and an integrated vibration-free, ultra-slim subwoofer for 32-42” televisions. Dark nights are now becoming the norm, now is a great time to upgrade your old DVD player to a new Blu Ray player. You can play all your old DVD’s and if you have a HD ready TV, playback the new High definition discs. If you would like to find out further details about any of the products mentioned here please contact Tavistock Sound & Vision, 01234 - 356323 (See their ad on back page of this issue)

Pilgrim House, Dunstable Street, Ampthill

0845 313 8400 07961 775420

SPECIAL PROMOTION

50 cc Pulse Scout - “Same as a Peugeot ‘V’ Clic” Choice of Red, Black or Graphite Silver

Suitable for any age 16 +

£699.00 including tax and registration

‘When they’re gone - they’re gone!!

BRAND NEW 59 REG PULSE SCOUT 50 CC

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Tree Surgery Equipment

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POWER TOOLSPOWER TOOLS

Professional Lawn Care & Tree Surgery EquipmentProfessional Lawn Care & Tree Surgery Equipment

Service, Sales& Spares

Service, Sales& SparesWOODCHIPPERS

Sale/Hire

Page 17: The Fuddler November 2009

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When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Planning an event? If you're hiring a hall for a special function and need a professional full bar service brought in, then look no further. We supply a fully manned and equipped bar

service for any special occasion. We do it all so you and your guests can simply relax

and have a good time.

YUMMY SUNDAY ROAST DINNERS SERVED 1.00 pm - 3.00 pm

Plus a host of varying guest ales and we’re now in the

Good Beer Guide! See next month for details of

Christmas and New Year festivities

Plus …QUIZ NIGHT IS BACK EVERY

WEDNESDAY 9.00 ONWARDS!

Tuesday 10th NovemberWe are pleased to be holding

THE TUESDAY CLUB REUNION!! Music & fun - all members and their friends welcome!

We can arrange your Dream Reception Complete for £3,500

Our qualified team will arrange Food for 100, either sit down or buffet Table flowers to match your theme Aperitifs and canapés on arrival, wine with meal and Fizz for Toasts Music - great disco China, glasses linen plus waitress service included STOP PRESS - 11th HOUR SERVICE TOO!

You Find the Venue, We Do the Rest!

Call Chris & Co

01525 290785 (Woburn)

07774 205235

Ask us about our new and exciting venue!

MY LITTLE PONY ‘RUSTLER’ SPOTTED IN AMPTHILL - LAST SEEN HEADING FOR THE SOUTH COAST IN

PINK HORSEBOX!

These questions and answers were actually posted on an Australian Tourism Website. The answers are the real responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (and possibly not a great deal of time for stupidity! ) Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK). A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)A: Depends how much you've been drinking. Q:I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? (USA)A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Page 18: The Fuddler November 2009

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When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Our golfing enthusiast reader thought we should share with everyone, these are actual calls received at a public golf course!! Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Caller: What are your green fees? Staff: 38 dollars. Caller: Does that include golf? Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Caller: What do you have for tee times tomorrow? Staff: What time would you like? Caller: What times do you have? Staff: What time of the day? Caller: Any time. Staff: Morning or afternoon? Caller: Whenever.Staff: We have 16 times open in the morning and 20 open in The afternoon. Would you like me to read the whole list? Caller: No, I don't think any of those times will work for me. Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Caller: Yes, my husband just called me on his cell phone and told me he's on the 15th hole. How many more holes does he have to play before he gets to the 18th? Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Caller: Do you have a twilight rate? Staff: Yes, it's 15 dollars after 2 o'clock. Caller: And what time does that start? Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Caller: Yes, I'd like some info about your golf course. Staff: OK, what would you like to know? Caller: I don't know, that's why I called.

CHRISTMAS CAKE AND CHRISTMAS PUDDING MAKING?

We hold the equipment to help you create the cakes and puddings of your dreams! Including tins,

pudding basins, string, muslin, cake boards, ribbons, icing, marzipan, cake decorations and

much more!

HOMEMADE PRESERVES? JAM, CHUTNEYS AND SLOE GIN?

We have jars and bottles galore in stock including jam pans, muslin, labels, jam funnels,

thermometers, wax discs etc

FUTURE TASTING EVENINGS WEDNESDAY 11 & FRIDAY 13 NOVEMBER 2009, 19.00-21.00

Tickets are available from the shop priced at £10 each and are selling fast so get in quick!

Still open Sundays 11.00-17.00! Monday to Saturday 9.00 - 17.30

4b Bedford Street, Ampthill Tel: 01525 402023

Are you having problems with your Hearing? ...Then we could change your life!

If you would like us to help you, contact us now on:

01234 34814452 Harpur StreetBedford MK40 2QT

Are you beginning to avoid the social activities you enjoy?

Do you turn the television up louder than you used to?

Do others ‘mumble’ causing you to be frustrated?

Do you hear people speaking but can’t always make out what they’re saying?

Do you keep asking people to repeat what they have just said?

Hearing loss can destroy your quality of life and cause you to stop doing the things you enjoy.

Bedfordshire Hearing Healthcare has been established for over 34 years, and are experts in diagnosing and correcting hearing problems.

Truly independent we offer all the latest digital hearing aid solutions, but more importantly, we care deeply about our patients and are committed to finding the right hearing solution for your needs.

Many of our 8000 local patients describe our service as ‘life changing’.

When you invest in a hearing aid, you’re investing in ‘us’, and in return we will provide you with a lifetime of aftercare and service.

We can help you to rediscover the pleasure of good hearing, regain your confidence and live a fuller life… because we are here to help you hear!

If you or a member of your family are having problems with their hearing, don’t suffer in silence, call us today on 01234 348144

Improve your hearing – improve your life!

Home visits available. Finance details on request. Free parking at rear of practice.

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Page 19: The Fuddler November 2009

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When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

PROUD TO SUPPORT OUR TROOPS YOU CAN DONATE AT THE SHOP OR

ONLINE http://www.helpforheroes.org.uk

NEW! ON-SITE LOGO SERVICE Logos from £2,

Premium Polo Shirts from £7 LU7 9LS TEL: 01525 211488

www.ruggedtough.com [email protected]

“ ”

£ £

Page 20: The Fuddler November 2009

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When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

On 4th June 2009 a youth counselling service has opened in Ampthill. The counselling service will be available to all young people 11-25 years old, that live in Ampthill, Flitwick and surrounding villages. The service is FREE and they will be able to self refer. They are also working alongside the GP surgeries in Ampthill and Flitwick who will also refer. Currently young people have to access counselling in Bedford, Milton Keynes or Luton. The aim of counselling is to provide you with an opportunity to explore and clarify ways of living more satisfactorily. It is a process which helps you examine personal problems and unlock hidden feelings that may have been hidden for some time…and make progress. The process takes place in a relaxed, safe and confidential setting, allowing you the time to talk to someone, who will neither judge nor advise you, but will assist you in setting goals and working towards them. If you would like an appointment please call. 07544 908509 Email: [email protected] COUNSELLING FOR THE YOUTHS OF TODAY – THE ADULTS OF TOMORROW

P J Dennis Plumbing & Heating Services Ltd

Tel 01525-403924 Mobile 07860-504222.

www.pjdennisplumbingandheating.co.uk

Established 21 years & specialising in renewable energy.

We also carry out the following services:

Power flushing of heating &boiler system.

Solar hot water systems.

Boiler services, Gas & Oil.

Bathroom refurbishments.

Prestigious new build, we can offer a complete bespoke design

& install service.

Corgi & Oftec registered & registered installers of Nu-Heat under-floor heating systems

(Log on to www.nu-heat.co.uk/PJDennisAd)

Ground source heat pumps. Under-floor heating systems.

Supplied & installed. Rain harvesting systems

The Number 1 Ironing and Laundry Service

Professional, high quality and friendly service

Free delivery and collection

Drop-in and collect service available ( Open from 8 am daily )

Optional same day service

For further information contact

LOUISE on01525 841114

Or see our website at www.pressed4time.info

The Acorn Centre, Unit 2, Station Road, Ampthill

(Plenty of free parking)

Page 21: The Fuddler November 2009

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When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

St Michael andAll Angels

Church and Village Memorials Project

By Lis Roberts In November 2007 when the Armistice service was held in Millbrook church, complete with the last post being played, Len Hall’sGreat Niece attended. She was most impressed that the names of all the men who had died during WW1 and WW2 were read out. Her uncle had been killed when his ship had triggered a mine 20 miles from Tripoli during the Second World War. Although not a Millbrook man, he was remembered on the Church memorial plaque because

his wife worked for the Rev. Cotton and his family during the war. It was her interest that started me thinking about researching a l l t h e n a m e s o n Millbrook’s memorial. Hence nearly two years on with the project well under way we found ourselves wandering over France looking for the graves and memorials of soldiers who were listed on the memorial and photographed them. On Thursday 1st October 2009, Honky Tonk & Better Half followed by Rocket on his B.M.W .accompanied by AKJ and JKJ sailed from Dover to Dunkirk, then drove to a French Hostelry, Hotel de la Gare in Achiet le Grande where we were to

lay our heads for the three nights we were there. The Hotelier’s English was as good as our French, which left a good deal to be desired when at breakfast the next morning JKJ asked in french for red sauce and received a bottle of Red wine with his “full English”, which consisted of fried ham covered with two runny eggs. The rest of us took one look at his breakfast and opted for Le pain and Croissants with butter and jam. Rocket and his mother endured tea with hot milk We then decided on a plan of action for our first day in order to start our mission. The first four cemeteries, which we visited on the first

day. were in the general area of Arras. We went to the furthest one away, where Arthur James Gillett was buried. This was in the Moeuvres Communal Cemetery Extension, ten km west of Cambrai, which we found with no trouble, until looking for his head stone. At first glance another name was on the one we thought it should be, then we spied his name underneath; two so ld ie rs shared one headstone. This would have meant that it was known who they both were, but they could not be identified. They both died on 27th

September 1918, two months before the end of the war! To be continued next month

Garage Door Solutions LtdYour local garage door expert for:

Replacements, Repairs and Spares

All makes & designs available 24 Hour repair service No call out charge All work guaranteed Free quotations

Call us now on: 01525 721615 / 07761 093468

Website: www.garagedoorsolutionsltd.co.uk Or see the yellow pages

3, Woodcock Walk, Flitwick, Bedfordshire, MK 45 1RD

WILSTEAD VILLAGE HALL COTTON END ROAD

WILSTEAD MK45 3BX

Available for hire during the day and evenings for children’s parties, family gatherings, tea

parties and club meetings.

If you need to hire the hall at short notice, please telephone the Booking Secretary to

confirm availability and full hire charges.

Contact Roisin Whittle, the Booking Secretary on 01234 740935 for availability

More details at www.wilstead.ik.com

Weekdays 8 am - 6 pm From £ 7.25 p/hour

Weekends 8 am - 6 pm From £10.30 p/hour

Outstanding gardens designed for

outdoor living

Small garden? - no problem Large garden? - We love them!

YOUR LOCAL OFFICE SUPPLIES COMPANY

Full range of Office Stationery Computer Consumables

Inks and Toners Print Service

Office Furniture And much more

t: 01525 633336 f: 01525 634444

Unit 1, 101 Ampthill Road Flitwick Beds MK45 1BE

www.businesspoint.uk.com email: [email protected]

TRADE ENQUIRIES AND ACCOUNTS WELCOME

Page 22: The Fuddler November 2009

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When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Borne out of pity and the need to keep him off the booze, I reluctantly agreed to take a sickly ex teacher fishing. Goodness me - what a mistake! Now as anyone who knows young Peter will be aware he has an aversion to water, so my first worry was him falling in; my second concern was stopping him throwing bricks etc into my pre-baited swim. The first job however was the problem of assembling his ‘Early Learning Centre’ £7.99 combined rod and reel without anyone I know seeing me. Once this was done the next job was convincing him that maggots can’t bite. Eventually I settled him into a nearby swim and, as any experienced angler will know, a single maggot on an 18 hook fished on the drop cannot fail to catch tiny perch. Within seconds I was subjected to continual chants of ‘One - nil, One - nil, One - nil, One - nil’. This chant was only interrupted by ‘Mister, can you untangle me?’ ‘Mister put another maggot on for me.’ ‘Mister, take this tiny fish off the hook for me as my eyes are not good enough to see it. During one of these never ending requests, my buzzer screamed, rod tip bent double and line shot shoot off down river. By the time I had dropped his Mickey Mouse rod and run back to my swim the double figure common or mirror had wrapped itself round the tree root on the opposite bank and was lost. Now if the disappointment of losing the fish was not enough, regular readers of ‘Ramblings From The Bench’ will know that I have been ridiculed as to my piscatorial prowess for the last two months. The moral of this story is: Never ever, ever, no matter how sorry you feel for him, take a crusty sickly retired school teacher fishing!

Dunstable Street Ampthill Tel: 01525 403319

email: [email protected]

Open Monday - Thursday 11 am - 2 pm & 5 pm - 11 pm

OPEN ALL DAY FRIDAY, SATURDAY & SUNDAY!

CHOICE OF REAL ALES - IPA or OLD SPECKLED HEN

plus a different ale every week

UK SKY SPORTS / ESPN All major sporting

events shown

Great value ‘Pub Grub’ Monday to Friday

12.00 - 2.00 with nothing on the menu

at more than a fiver!

We are also able to accept major Credit and Debit cards

Gemma LastHolistic Therapist

Here is an opportunity to obtain a range of Aromatherapy Treatments in a calming and relaxing environment.

Aromatherapy Massage & FacialsSwedish Massage

ReflexologyIndian Massage

Ear Candling

Contact Gemma Last MIFHB MICHB City & Guilds

01525 840916 - [email protected]

* Gift Vouchers available for Christmas*

Page 23: The Fuddler November 2009

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When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

And so we continue our story. Many thanks to everyone who sent in the next episode, and the winner we publish below. If you would like to write the next instalment please do contact us with your entry (about 200 words) and our Arts Correspondent Seymour Cox will judge which he considers to be the best which will then be published next month! (If you missed the previous instalments you can read them on our website at www.thefuddler.com)

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO TOBY?Daniella stood transfixed. She realised that she did not know the man standing before her - was it Toby? How could she know? She had only communicated with him mainly via emails but she was still worried about the look in this man’s eyes. As only a minute crept by she realised that she was staring at the man and absently, with her hand in her bag, was fiddling with her powder compact. ‘What do I have to do?’ she asked in a breathless almost husky voice, ‘and why do I only have nine minutes?’ ‘It’s only seven now’ said the stranger, with a somehow foreboding tone to his voice. ‘Toby needs you to meet him at the main railway station, platform 9, which should only take you 5 minutes to reach, and I think you will be very pleasantly surprised.’ Daniella flushed unexpectedly, she hadn’t expected this development. ‘But why the railway station?’ she implored. ‘Have you had lunch in Paris?’ asked the man with a self satisfied smirk. ‘The Eurostar won’t wait for you!’ Panic set in, what was going on? She didn’t know this man and more importantly was Toby going to be there? … So now it’s over to you! What do you think happened next?

CIU Affiliated 37 Church Street Ampthill Beds

*A pleasant and safe family environment *Drinks at club prices plus …….

CRIB - DARTS - DOMINOES - POOL BINGO - Thursday nights

QUIZ - Sunday nights SMOKING AREA - Covered and heated

BEER GARDEN (Summer) ENTERTAINMENT …….. Starts at 9 pm

WHAT’S ON?Saturday 14th November

THE FAMOUS WINGY KARAOKE!Saturday 28th November

PHIL HOBBISDon’t be the one to miss out! …

Phil Hobbis is an experienced singer with an outstanding voice and the personality to entertain …

…‘so polished is he, such is the power of his voice and the strength of his personality that he gives self-contained a good name. Using

every inch of the stage, he works with the confidence born of experience …’ Peter Hepple, The Stage Newspaper

Woburn Country Foods BUTCHERS & FARM SHOP

Fresh SeasonalVeg & Potatoes

West End Farm, London Lane Haynes West End, MK45 3RA(At the top of the hill!)

Tel: 01234 740300 www.woburncountryfoods.com

! ORDERS NOW BEING TAKEN !

Free Range Turkey Turkey Breast

Capon/Goose/Duck

CHRISTMAS FAYRE 2009

Prime Bedfordshire Beef, Pork & Lamb from Local Farmers

Gammon & Ham Sausage Meat

ChipolatasStreaky Bacon

Page 24: The Fuddler November 2009

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When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Here’s another quick and tasty recipe that a reader has kindly sent in to us:

MUSTARD MEAT FRITTERS

For four people you will need:6 chopped spring onions 25 gm butter Roughly 300 gm mince 1 dessertspoon flour 1 heaped teaspoon dry mustard Salt & pepper 1 egg yolk 1 packet pancake batter mix (or make your own!) Fat for frying A little something to slurp

whilst cooking. Firstly fry the mince and drain. Then fry the onions in butter, and mix together the meat, fried onion, flour, mustard and salt & pepper. Bind the egg yolk and form into 8 burger shaped patties. Coat with the pancake batter and shallow fry for about 8 or 9 minutes until golden brown and thoroughly cooked through. Grab the chance for a crafty slurp!Drain on kitchen roll and then serve with green vegetables of your choice. Thanks for that one Ma’am!

Claire Forlani from CSI New York

I’m not sure I want to be here! Those wretches in the studio just will not give up! But they have only messed me up a bit! I am as you may have gathered another actress in a popular US TV drama! The answer is at the foot of the page.

HAPPY 44th BIRTHDAY MITCH FOR

7th NOVEMBER

Episode 40000011 We’re terribly sorry (possibly) to tell you that we have not heard from our intrepid hero this month. Apparently he was last seen heading for the Norfolk coast and has not been heard from since! We can only hope he has not been abducted by those that he seeks! Hopefully (?) he will return for our Christmas edition!

By Michael McSpleen

A MASSIVE HAPPY 75th BIRTHDAY

TO ALAN FOR THE 24th NOVEMBER!!

T.H.E. BEST BUTCHERS

Telephone (01908) 375275 www.bestbutcher.co.uk

Unit 5, Lower Rectory Farm, Great Brickhill, Milton Keynes, Bucks MK17 9AF

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for a free written estimate. References available. email: [email protected]

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When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Information Service and Equipment Advice

Outreach work reaches communities that may have extra difficulties finding the information they need, such as those who live in rural areas. It takes our service out and about across the whole of Bedford, Bedfordshire and Luton, visiting libraries, supermarkets, village halls, garden centres, health facilities and shopping centres. We also visit other organisations, clubs, groups and schools to tell them about the work of the DRC. For information about forthcoming outreach venues or to enquire about the service visiting your group or community, please contact the Outreach Officer for more information using the details below. Please visit us at Poplars Garden Centre on Thursday 3rd December 2009 between 10 a.m. and 2 p.m. [email protected] or [email protected] www.drcbeds.co.uk Tel: 01582 470900

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Fascia, Cladding & Guttering Specialists

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Page 26: The Fuddler November 2009

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Free milk can be so noisy!

I told a tale a while back, (Oct 2006), about leaving a residence via the first floor w i n d o w t o a v o i d embarrassing my girlfriend or the early morning cleaning staff. The residence in question was the ladies quarters for MRC at Didcot near Harwell, South of Oxford, I had an even more embarrassing experience some weeks later while staying with the same girl friend. Many hostels for single folk in such establishment provide rooms with basic needs such as a kettle, toaster, and microwave, etc.

(though no Microwave in 1963). Other communal resources were shower blocks, fully equipped kitchens, washing machines etc. One facility of great value in the hostel in question was on the ground floor in a wide echoing corridor, namely a vending machine for “fresh” chilled milk, a daily requisite for a civilised breakfast. Some t i me s , i f t i m e permitted, we would get a carton of milk in the morning to accompany coffee or cereal before I set off back to Birmingham on my much loved Norton motor cycle to resume study, (retrying for Math and Further Math ‘A’ level). The only problem was that

the milk dispensing machine delivered the carton with an enormous “CLUNK” which could be heard throughout the building. The strategy was therefore to place the 20 pence (I cannot remember the actual price) in the machine, grab the carton and quickly scuttle invisibly back to our room before the curtains twitched and the intruder was discovered. No problem, well not until technology conspired to confront my speed and daring. I placed the requisite sum of money in the machine and pressed the magic button… pause… CLUNK, I grabbed the carton and turned around adopting scuttle mode, CLUNK, the machine

ejected a second carton, I froze, CLUNK a third then fourth carton spat from the barrel of this machine as if from a belt fed mortar. By the time I realised that I had never been in control of the situation, I was facing some 10 young ladies in various states of night attire, looking to see what the disturbance was all about. In those days I was a g e n t l e m a n a n d t h e experience was frankly scary! From that day on, I stopped being the gentleman, She could get the breakfast milk.

Prof Reginald V Q De Gama IPA With Kind permission from Jim Barr

J HELECTRICAL

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Our windows and doors are 70mm internally glazed for security. All windows are fitted with fire hinges, locking handles, a twin action espagnolette mushroom headed bolt system, and with vent facility. Doors are fitted with claw and mortice lock, and panels are reinforced. Fully compliant with current FENSA Regulations, plus insurance backed guarantee.

ARAGON WINDOWSARAGON WINDOWS

CHRIS FREEMAN Tel/Fax 01525 403992

50 Russell Drive Ampthill Beds Established in 1990 and built on reputation

For the treatment of nails, corns and calluses etc

Susan Mobsby MSSCh MBChA

Qualified chiropodist (15 years’ experience)

Telephone: 01525 631470

5 Chestnut Close, Ampthill, Bedford MK45 2PU

Registered member of The British Chiropody Association

and The Health Professions Council

All plumbing work undertakenIncluding …

Complete bathroom design, tiling, electrics etc Bathroom installations Full central heating Replacement boiler New or replacement radiators Kitchen sinks and taps replaced

No job too big or smallOver 20 years experience - CRB checked

For a free quote call Brian on 07958 365159 01582 585113

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With Lauren Louella Boughalls Thanks everyone for sending in your answers to last month’s challenge. Admittedly it was more difficult than the previous month but some of you got it right!! (Well at least one anyway!)The answer to the bus stop question is … wait for it … the wonderful old bus stop sign is in Tingrith which I came by whilst out cycling with my very good friend Algi last month. For this month’s teaser I would like you to tell me what lies beyond the gates.

Answers by email to [email protected] or on a postcard to The Fuddler, PO Box 756 Ampthill Bedford MK45 2WZ Answer next month!

...are Milton Keynes’s premier airport transfer company.

Whether a business trip, or a much needed break, Airports Direct are dedicated to getting you to

and from your airport stress free and in comfort and style. 100% reliable, professional service

guaranteed. DVD’s / coolers available.

T: 0800 707 6003 E: [email protected]

www.airportsdirectmk.com 33 White Alder, Stacey Bushes

Milton Keynes, MK12 6HE Company No. 5318754 (England & Wales)

www.thepetaupair.co.ukwww.thepetaupppppppppppppppaaaair.co.uk

DOG WALKING

Excellent socialisation for your dog, peace of mind for you!

PET SITTING

Rabbits, guinea pigs, hamsters, birds, rats & ferrets are welcome in our home!

PET TRANSPORTING

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Page 28: The Fuddler November 2009

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And now Edith Pioff has responded and sent us this piece composed again entirely of song titles! ‘Oh yeah - Lady in Red - I'm sorry - Now I'm Here - I can't Stand It - I'm Going Slightly Mad - I Believe!’ ‘Hello Old Friend - Everybody Knows - These Are The Days Of Our Lives - Wouldn't It Be Good - Don't Stop Me Now - Play The Game - More Than This!’ Once again many, many thanks for such inspiration! So now it must go back to Mustafa for his thoughts!

FARMERS MARKETS The Farmers Market in Woburn is held on the third Sunday of every month at The Pitchings, whilst Ampthill Farmers Market is held on the last Saturday of each month at their new home at the rear of The White Hart Hotel. Don’t forget The Charter Market in Ampthill every Thursday and Flitwick Market on Fridays!.

It’s always possible, but only if you’re quick, to book an ad in

our Christmas edition! Please ring Martin on 01525 841434

for all the details!

OFFICE: SMART Motorcycle Training

38, Kings Road, Maulden, Beds MK45 2DT

TRAINING CENTRE: SMART Motorcycle Training,

Redborne School, Ampthill, Beds MK45 2NU

A & F Fabrics LtdYour LocalLocal Carpet

and Upholstery Cleaning Service

All furniture moved and replaced

Stain and odour removal

Stain Shield protective treatments

All work fully insured and guaranteed

‘Providing a Hassle Free service from our professional and friendly cleaners’

CALL NOW FOR A FREE NO OBLIGATION QUOTE

01525 712639Email: [email protected]

Page 29: The Fuddler November 2009

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1st December100 TODAYCongratulations

Nancy Margaret Roberts from your

Son, Daughter in Law, Grandchildren &

Great Grandchildren on reaching this fine

young age. Hope you get your telegram

from E.R!

REDBORNSTOKE MORRIS

Are looking for new members! No experience necessary, just a sense of fun! Good way to keep fit. Help keep an English tradition alive! The practice season starts on Monday nights throughout the winter months. Friendly tuition is given and beginners are welcome. We meet at Redborne Upper School, Ampthill from 8.00 onwards. For more details contact Charlie 01234 750829 or see our website at www.redbornstoke.com

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RICHARD FOR THE 5TH NOVEMBER -

and you thought we’d forget!

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy!

If you would like to book an ad in our

next edition please ring Martin on

01525 841434 to check on

availability

ALL TYPES OF GROUNDWORKUNDERTAKEN.

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CALL 01525

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MOB: 07903374712

1 to 7 SEATER - PRIVATE HIRE TAXI SERVICE

AIRPORT TRANSFERS - DAYS & NIGHTS OUT COASTAL DAYS OUT - WEST END SHOWS

LUTON AIRPORT RETURN FROM £49.00!

Page 30: The Fuddler November 2009

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And here are this month’s wacky observations from the world of Montgolfier: I’ve never forgotten my 18th birthday (along time ago). I got into work and one of my workmates said ‘Congratulations - you are now old enough to be hanged.’ It was horrible. A LONG TRIP - A friend yesterday received a cheque in the post from Australia. It was unsigned so it has to do a return trip. A friend said she had bought a new car. I asked ‘What make have you bought?’ She said ‘A nowdi.’ Overheard - Hard work never killed anyone but I’ll tell you - it’s crippled quite a few. Two chaps having a chat; one says to the other ‘I don’t find policemen getting younger, but I do find belts getting shorter.’ One sees M.P.s kissing young babies but I must confess that Neville Chamberlain never kissed me. Mike Todd, who made the film ‘Around The World in 80 Days’ worked out that rich people spend a lot of money. Therefore if you spend a lot of money you will become rich, and for him it worked. I have a friend who has bad eyesight, in fact he is registered blind. On leaving his house last Sunday I had to reverse out of his driveway onto the road. He said ‘I’ll watch out and make sure it is OK.’ I wasn’t sure whether or not to trust his observation but I did. It was OK. I met a coach load of people coming out of an hotel. They said they were on a 1 week mystery tour and even the driver didn’t know where he was going. That is until he opened an envelope each day after breakfast

INNOVATIONS

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Our Services include:

• Airport Transfers • Theatres

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• Weddings • Shopping

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A8L

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surprise and bemusement at our appearance in their neck of the woods were very generous in their hospitality, cups of tea and bowls of soup were gratefully accepted. The odd re f e ren ce t o p r e v iou s unsuccessful attempts and the beast accompanied us on our way. Actually we only really fell out once on the entire walk, and that was an disagreement over whether we should follow the wall across a 5 mile stretch of baron boggy moorland to that night’s Inn or go down to a small village about a mile away which had a public house and probably a warm fire. I insisted on doing the walk as ‘we should not miss out any of the original route’, albeit in driving rain and bitterly cold biting wind. I got my way only to find out that the pub we had

seen some miles back was indeed the Inn we were booked into and now had a further 4 miles walk back again. Several hours later after a hot bath, hearty meal and a stiff brandy or two, FG talked to me again. When we reached Carlisle it was a quite a culture shock. Apart from a few bewildered locals in the Inns and B&B’s we had stayed in, we had only met a handful of people during the last four or five days. Here was a bustling metropolis or so it seemed to us. Our last part of the journey was to walk across the causeway, now a road across the marsh from Carlisle to Bowness. The only marker that greeted us at the end of our glorious adventure was a plaque on the church wall that a young legionnaire had scratched on to a segment of the wall which read ‘welcome

to the end of the wall, welcome to the end of the world’. Noticker-tape, no balloons or relieved loved ones. It was I remember quite a poignant last day; on one hand we were very pleased we had come triumphantly to the end of our walk, the end of a exhausting but fulfilling week but on the other, felt somewhat troubled that we had in fact found companionship, respect and comradeship in the last few days together where we could easily revert back to our old sparring ways once the trip was over and we were back home. I often think FG and I should do this trip again one day. And being done, thus the Wall away doth go. ‘A Midsummer Nights Dream’ Next month my Father

Episode 15: …..My Brother Part 2:

A Long Way AcrossContinued from last month … My brother and I would also avoid many of the alleged foreign tourists who attempt the feat annually and usually have to get rescued, give up after visiting the tourist friendly archaeological sites or get eaten by the mythical ‘beast of the crags’ that our relations took great pleasure in warning us about . In fact apart from the odd rambler, an inquisitive cow and the odd, some very odd indeed, sheep we did not meet anybody in the uninhabited stretches on our walk. There were some very curious farm folk who after their initial

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Page 32: The Fuddler November 2009

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