The Fuddler March 2012

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

D & G SHORT

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Yes, it’s Fuddler time again! So as always a huge welcome to another action packed edition! We very much hope you enjoy the fun and nonsense we have put together for your entertainment and of course, it goes without saying - please check

carefully those all important me s s a g e s f r o m o u r advertisers because you know and we do that: ‘Whatever you are looking for - you’ll find it in The Fuddler’!If you too would like an ad with us all our contact details are on page four. Please see our

advertisementon page 25

Gift Vouchers available for Mother’s Day

Call Alison on 07956 467352 Home Salon: 4 Airedale Close, Flitwick, MK45 1FA

Bio Sculpture Gel Nails: Hands £22.00 Toes £17.00 Special offer - Book together

Hands & Toes £35.00 Glitter Toes £20.00

Spray Tanning: Full Body £20.00

Lush Beauty Gel Nails ~ Tanning ~ Waxing ~ Tinting

Waxing: Half leg £10.00 Under arm £ 6.00 Bikini £ 8.00 Lip £ 5.00

Special offer on Waxing for March Book 2 Waxing Treatments and receive the 2nd ½ price (cheapest)

Eye Treatments: Eyebrow shape £8.00 Eyebrow Tint £8.00Eyelash Tint £8.00

Sharman LawS O L I C I T O R SIncorporating Sharman & Trethewy

The Solicitors who care for you,your family and your business

1 Harpur Street, BedfordTelephone: 01234 30 30 30

Email: [email protected]: www.SharmanLaw.co.uk

88 Dunstable Street, AmpthillTelephone: 01525 750 750

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Bookings are now being taken for Mothering Sunday on the

18th March. We are also open every day over

the Easter weekend.

33, RUSSELL DRIVE AMPTHILL

With Spring not far away, isn’t it time you considered replacing those doors and windows? Or maybe a new conservatory to enjoy. Don’t compromise on style - call into our showroom and see our stunning range of doors and windows including “The Composite Door”.

No window or glazing job too small.

Call 01525 860790 Or 07801 367967 Email [email protected]

SweetLix Party Cones

… For the sweetest party bags

Great value and hassle free

All handmade and delivered to your door


‘On 22nd September 2012, there will be a Redborne school reunion for ‘pupils’ who started Redborne school, or who left Russell school in 1967, i.e. will be 57years old at the time of the reunion. The event will take place at the Wingfield Club in Ampthill from 7.30 pm on the date shown above. If you fall into this category and would like to come along, please call or text me on 07850 131394 or ring 01525 402315 where you can leave a message. The event is also open to people either side of this year if they would like to come, and will know others from a different year, but numbers here will be limited, and I must know as accurately as I can who is going to come. So ‘please’ it is very important you contact me, I look forward to seeing you all.’

Bob Turney

Ampthill is already getting geared-up and galvanised for its legendary Festival and Gala –

now in its 31st year! The Theme this year will be ‘The Olympics’ – an opportunity to celebrate sportsmen/women/children particularly in our own community. Dates for your Diaries: AmpRocks (Acts to be announced any time now) on Friday June 29th; Ampthill Proms in the Park on June 30th

(tickets soon on sale) and the Gala Day on July 1st.The Festival Fun Quiz is open to all at Ampthill Rugby Club on Friday 2nd March (details on the posters around town); by popular demand there will be a Frog Race in Parkside Hall on May 19th (watch out in The Fuddler for further details); the stunning Open Gardens Event is on June 24th; another fun-packed and exciting Fun Dog Show will be in the Park on October 7th and plans are underway for a Halloween Ball in October. All of the above raise much needed funds for our fantastic Festival 3-day event, so please come along and support us and have a brilliant time at the same time! Even better come and join us as a volunteer. Ring Jill Rose on 07840932930/[email protected] and keep checking our website on www.ampthillfestival.co.uk

We are pleased to bring you the latest from Ampthill Twinning Association. Please see their article on page 16.

FREE DELIVERY Ampthill & Surrounding Areas

Inflatable Fun at Deflated Prices!

Tel: 07877 959863www.chrisbouncycastles.co.uk

KEITH RILEY PLUMBING SERVICES Plumbing & Heating New Bathrooms PumpsShowers - Inc. Tiling RadiatorsLeaksEmergency Call Out

Drains Unblocked Heating Systems

PowerflushedNO CALL OUT

CHARGE

(01525) 876352 Mobile 07905 457450

THE CROWN STATION ROAD FLITWICK

Tel: 01525 712233

‘ST PATRICK’S DAY -17th MARCH’

12 - 4pm Horse/Dog Racing

5pm Rugby - England vs Ireland

9pm Drag Queen - 'MISS DOT COM'


Across: 1 Gleans, 4 Menial, 7 Amusement, 9 Pass, 10 Eras, 11 Fetes, 13 Dealer, 14 Rained, 15 Chatos, 17 Minced, 19 Nisan, 20 Nous, 22 Snap, 23 Surprised, 24 Natter, 25 Nestle

Down: 1 Griped, 2 Aims, 3 Sister, 4 Mummer, 5 None, 6 Leased, 7 Asparagus, 8 Transcend, 11 Felon, 12 Sarin, 15 Cannon, 16 Simper, 17 Malign, 18 Dapple, 21 Suet, 22 Sets

“The Fuddler” i s pub l i she d by MDA Publications and printed by Fidelity. The views expressed herein are not necessarily those of the publisher. No part of this publication may be copied in any form or by any means without written permission of the Publisher. Copyright MDA Publications.

Like to book an ad, or ask about our absurdly low rates please ring Martin on

LORD DEE’S PONDERINGS I was recounting the

time when I had explained to the late great Check-It-Out

and my old mate Duster that my ambition would

be to have my own ’Jeeves’.

It was suggested by the assembled company that perhaps I should rely on ‘Ask Jeeves’ on one of my computers. Such impertinence.

Ciao

A BRIANISM I’ve given up taking

my tortoise for a walk - he is much too fast for me.

LT Building & Designs Ltd Property Maintenance Specialists

01525 840300 www.ltbd.co.uk [email protected]

All aspects of property maintenance carried out to a high standard including carpentry, plumbing, brickwork, decorating, window & door repair/replace and kitchen fitting. Free quotations, no job too small, family run local business

Specialists in all aspects of PLASTERING.Also a HANDYMAN SERVICE Available.

Please call Alan:01582 663307 ~ 07961 936561or email: [email protected]

Norman Mole A S S O C I A T E S

Tel/Fax: 01525 862121 Mobile: 07831 [email protected]

• Plans drawn for Home Extensions, New Build & Light Commercial

• Structural & Thermal Calculations

• Complete Service from Consultation, Design & Project Management

• Free initial Consultation to discuss your Proposed Project

A r c h i t e c t u r a l D e s i g n & B u i l d i n g C o n s u l t a n t s


Call in today to view the extensive range of stoves and fireplaces, now including the UK's finest range of

woodburning stoves from Clearview

1, Bedford Street, Ampthill, Beds

Tel: 01525 841199 www.ampthillfireplaces.co.uk

Mon - Fri: 10am - 5pm Sat: 10am - 4pm

The team at Ampthill Fireplaces invite you to visit their newly restored Georgian showroom on the market square in Ampthill

An even bigger and better Ampthill Fireplaces!


Here’s another of Marjorie’s fine crosswords for our entertainment

C

O

S

R

E E

ND

C

Sandra’s been busy again looking through her big book of words (dictionary?) and brings us the word below. (Nothing to do with the crossword.) Just look at the hexagon and see whether or not the word jumps out at you! (Answer at the bottom of the page if it doesn’t!)

Down: 2 Type of wine (5) 3 Lake in Switzerland (7) 5 Senior (5) 6 Offer (7) 7 Parody (5) 8 Scrounge (5) 9 Positioned (5) 14 Deity (4) 16 Sore anag (4) 18 Wicked (7) 20 Conspire (7) 21 Astir (5) 23 Nonplussed (5) 24 Dilapidated (5) 26 Eagle’s nest (5) 28 Sits (5)

Across: 1 Pertinently (5) 4 Retains (5) 10 A Canape anag (7)11 Hindu loincloth (5) 12 River creature (5) 13 Animal (7) 15 Penury (4) 17 Precipitous (5) 19 Burnt Sienna colour (5) 22 Capital of Norway (4) 25 Lightest (7) 27 Oversight (5) 29 Smell (5) 30 Sailed (7) 31 Large daisy (5) 32 Robbery (5)

Crescendo

1 2 3 4 5 6

7 8 9

10 11

12 13 14

15 16

17 18 19 20

21 22 23 24

25 26 27 28

29 30

31 32

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Contact: Andi Brackenridge T: 07789 681252Email: [email protected]

Garage Door Solutions LtdYour local garage door expert for:

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Home Offices - Bathrooms Replacement Kitchen Doors

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installation service01525 405393 ans. phone

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Benedictus of the ‘9Tails’..........

…….Yes, to his surprise there in front of him was the two cats that he had seen in the pew with Judge Jacobs. He recognised them immediately yet they were not part of time past or time present…they were part of time future and Benedictus had not been there, so why where they were now part of his journey? He quickened his pace to catch them up but he could not, for they always stayed a distance in front of him. He knew them to be his cousin Sarah and cousin Delilah…yet; he did not know them at all. They had not been part of his life. He continued to follow them desperately trying

to catch them up. To no avail. They reached the town and suddenly Cousins Sarah and Delilah completely vanished. Benedictus was alone. The town was busy and bustling it was confusing and Bennie felt restless. He looked all around and eventually his eyes fell upon the words over a shop called “ Y e r f f o e g M e r c h a n t s ” Something drew him to that shop and he soon wished it had not for out of the door came the most formidable gentleman whom on seeing Benedictus, drew in a deep breath and expanded his stature in a most commanding way…he looked down at Benedictus with piercing blue eyes and bellowed and boomed “What have we here then”…with that Bennie ran into the shop…mistake

number two…and then through an inside open door only to be followed by the formidable gentleman who slammed the door behind Benedictus with such gusto to the words “Got you”…..Bennie was trapped. Although the room was dark naturally Benedictus could see. It was obviously a store room with shelves full of documents and files. It was cold, damp and uninviting. Through a very small high up window which had a pane missing, Benedictus could feel the crisp easterly breeze and see the clear sky save one lone shining star. Bennie knew that tonight he could have turned the key but he was trapped there was no escape from the room. It was more than frustration…it was devastation… Suddenly from

the darkness Great Uncle Abraham focused into sight. Bennie immediately froze. “ H o ld t o y o u r d r ea m Benedictus, have patience. You are being tested. This is where I failed and now I am lost in time itself. You will feel anothereasterly breeze and see another shining lone star but not tonight…you must wait…” and before Bennie could utter even a meow, Great Uncle Abraham he had faded into the darkness itself and was gone. Bennie hung onto these comforting words because that was all he had… but first he must escape from “Yerffoeg Merchants”…he must find a way of getting the better of that ‘formidable gentleman’ with the booming v o i c e … b u t h o w a n d when?.........

Copyright reserved

D. Hymus Carpentry All types of Carpentry & Joinery undertaken including,

Doors, Locks, Skirting, Kitchens, Laminate/Real wood flooring, Fencing and Decking,

also Ceramic wall/floor tiling. Fully insured qualified tradesman

Please call Dan on 01525 636230 Mob 07794 004037 For a competitive quote.


By Julio Van Peebles 1) Do packs of lamb have baa codes? 2) Do Scottish chickens start life as a scotch egg? 3) Why do bald men grow pony tails? 4) Has anyone ever come out of the woodwork? 5) Why do they show 'maximum height' on the way out of car parks? Julio’s Top Tip: It is very interesting to note that the song with the longest title is - "I'm a cranky old Yank in a clanky old tank, on the streets of Yokohama, with my Honolulu mama doin' those beat o, beat o, flat on my seat o, Hirohito Blues" written by Hoagy Carmichael in 1943 !

Have a Splendid and Gorgeous Birthday James for the 20th

March, with all our love and kisses, from

Sue, Vera, Richard, and of course…………..

BORIS xxxxxx

a

b

c

JTV assures us that they have come from identical size circles! But what do you think?

With Jimmy The Voice JTV has been up to more mischief this month! After practising with his compass he has sent us this picture showing three arcs and he has asked which curve comes from the largest circle? So, is it a, b or c?

Happy Birthday Amy for the 7th March!

Happy Birthday Beanie for the 17th March

Skip and Helen welcome you to

OSSORY ARMS9 Arthur Street, Ampthill

www.ossoryarms.co.uk 01525 841188

The Ossory Famous Breakfast Served

Mon - Thurs 12 - close Fri, Sat, Sun from 10.30am

BAR MENU SERVED ALL DAY ... EVERY DAY

WEDNESDAY NIGHTS IS CURRY NIGHT

THURSDAY NIGHTSIS QUIZ NIGHT

Disco and Party NightEaster Sunday

EASTER WEEKEND

SKIP’S BEER, CIDER AND CHEESE

FESTIVAL

Starts Good Friday and running over the whole weekend

01525 404334

ALL BRICKWORK AND REPAIRS

PLUS REPOINTING No job too small

Please ring Joe

Servicing Spares Repairs ON ALL MAKES OF MOTORCYCLES

Reasonable Rates Experienced Mechanic

Motorcycles always wanted in any condition - parts or whole

‘I don’t fink I have done too badly at all this month - I’m now licensed to sell!’


On Valentine’s Day he said to me ‘Go on, don’t be shy - ask me out.’ So I said ‘Get out.’ A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat. My friend’s husband is so silly that he thinks a balanced diet is eating on one leg. Why try and raise standards when lowering them will make your job so much easier. Never trust a man with a penchant for cravats. When faced with overwhelming forces ranged against you - join the other side. Make an appointment with yourself to deal with worries at a specific time. Never eat more then you can lift. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. How on earth are supposed to fold a fitted sheet? Don’t imagine the battle for equality is over. Men still have a long way to go to reach our standard. I thought I wanted a job but it turns out I just wanted the money.There are two sides to every argument - until you take one. 1 Sailing boat, 2 Anneke Wills, 3

1896, 4 Agatha Christie, 5 Weasel, 6 Ridicule, 7 Wind, 8 Colorado, 9 Moles, 10 The Ear.

1. Apart from the obvious, where would you find a ‘Gooseneck’?

2. Who played Dr Who’s assistant ‘Polly Wright’?

3. In which year was toothpaste invented?

4. Who created ‘Aradne Oliver’? 5. A ‘Kit’ is the young of which

animal? 6. I f you su f fe red f rom

‘Katagelophobia’ of what would you be afraid?

7. What is a ‘Harmattan’? 8. In which US state is there a

town called ‘No Name’? 9. A ‘Labour’ is the collective

term for which creature? 10.Where would you find the

‘Saccule’?

Enjoying the fine weather, Babs thought it would be great fun if she went with her friends to visit Alton Towers for an enjoyable day out. She suitably packed everyone into the coach she had hired again and off they went. About two thirds of the way there she asked the driver if he would turn round and take them all home again. ‘But why do you want to return home already’ asked the driver perplexed. ‘Because the sign we just passed said Alton Towers left.’ replied Babs sensibly.

High quality fish and chips Tuesday Lidlington, The Royal Oak Car Park

Wednesday Haynes Village Hall

Thursday Cotton End, The Bell Car Park

Friday Ampthill, Willow Way

Saturday Ampthill, Houghton Place (off Oliver Street)

FRYING 4.30 - 8.00 pm FUNCTIONS AND EVENTS CATERED FOR

01525 - 840062 Mob: 07771 855785

Learn the fascinating art of

Enquiries: Tel: 01525 634052

No Special Clothing

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Everyone Welcome

In Flitwick Special Beginners

Classes For Children and Adults

Starting Monday 5th March at 6.00pm

and every Monday thereafter Flitwick Leisure Centre

Steppingley Road Flitwick

AA WINDOW REPAIRSAA WINDOW REPAIRS DOUBLE GLAZING REPAIR SPECIALIST

MISTY DOUBLE GLAZING REPLACED

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CALL 24/7 FOR A FREE QUOTE OR ADVICE

TELEPHONE: 01525 718432 / 07432679405

www.aawindowrepairs.co.uk


One of our readers has been kind enough to send these splendid photographs to us! Taken outside the Grand View Hotel in Brisbane, Australia, the picture to the left shows Charlotte Bennett who is studying for a business degree at Queensland University, and the picture below shows guests at the hotel enjoying a read of your favourite magazine! Do you have a photo of someone reading their Fuddler somewhere overseas? P l e a se s e nd t h e m t o [email protected]

• Apologies - Your Stargazer ‘Teri’ is away this month

Home made Italian Food Vegetarian DishesBirthdays

www.donatellos.org 91, Dunstable Street Ampthill

Tel: (01525) 404666

PartiesSpecialOccasionsSeats up to 80 People

Homemade food servedin a friendly and relaxed

atmosphere


Mother’s day is almost here, To show our love, to those we hold so dear,

So to all the great mums out there, We want you to know how much we really do care.

So if your mum is special to you, We want you to say to them a BIG THANK YOU. We have a great range of cards from just a pound,

To say thank you to all the great mums around. We also have boxed chocolates out on display, What a great gift from you, on Mother’s day.

So I’ll just remind you of the date, It’s the 18th of March so you won’t be late.

Also when you come in to our store, You will see we have so much more,

With new offers on display And many new deals for you to take away,

Many new products for just a pound Please call in and have a good look around.

Also our half price newspaper deal will soon be coming to an end,

So please be quick if you would like it for yourself or a friend.

This week also sees the launch of the new Sunday Sun, But don’t worry I’ve ordered loads if you would like one.

I think that’s about it, but before I go, I must say, Hi Mum, Happy Mother’s Day.

MARTINS NEWSAGENT 17 CHURCH STREET AMPTHILL 01525 404096

LOCAL ARCHITECT WINS

BEDFORDSHIRE ASSOCIATION

OF ARCHITECTS AWARD

Local Architect Stuart Palmer of FOD Ltd, Architects, based in Ampthill has won a prestigious Royal Institute of British Architects award in the best Domestic Extension/ Refurbishment category beating off tough competition.

The awards ceremony for the Design and Craftsmanship Awards 2011, held at Bedford School, was lucky enough to be attended by speaker and multi-award-winning international Architect, Ted Cullinan, who presented the award.

The project awarded best in category is a Grade II listed property, which made the project all the more challenging. The building is located in the middle of Ampthill on a prominent position in Dunstable Street adjacent to the Limes development. It was extensively remodelled to the side and rear to create an additional bedroom, enlarged living space and kitchen with vaulted ceilings and large areas of glass to the garden elevation bringing the ‘outside, in’, forming a pleasing and useful addition to this listed property.

The extension was highlighted by the judges for its bold, glazed statement to the rear garden elevation combined with its sensitivity to the original listed building.

‘We were lucky to have clients in the form of Mr and Mrs Richard Last who could both see and appreciate our design concept from just a quick sketch through to completion, and enabled us to help them achieve their wish for a more usable space’

For more information and a portfolio of FOD’s projects see www.fodarchitects.co.uk

LANDLORDS REQUIRED URGENTLY

Competitive Rates Free Rent Guarantee for first 12 months Free Valuations Professional Service Strategically positioned office for your convenienceTenants waiting

Interested? Call us NOW!

01525 403333 Email: [email protected]/

[email protected]


A new sports initiative is giving everyone the opportunity to become sporting heroes in their community and become a key part of the legacy of the London 2012 games. Sport Makers aims to inspire people aged 16 and over in Beds and Luton to get involved and help people that they know to get involved in sport and make sport happen at a local level. From setting up sport with your mates like fun runs or five-a-side football to helping out with local sports clubs, Sport Makers is a great opportunity to get involved in local sport in the lead up to the 2012 games. The point is that each Sport Maker can make this programme their own. By taking part in Sport Makers, and completing your 10 hours, you could secure tickets to the greatest show on earth: Sport Makers and London 2012 are working together to give people the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to attend this year’s Olympic and Paralympic Games. The London 2012 Ticketshare scheme is funded by the London 2012 Prestige Ticketing programme, for more information please go to: www.sportmakers.co.uk. Anyone interested can sign up to the project at the Sport Maker website. Participants will then be invited to book onto one of the free local workshops which will be running at venues across Beds and Luton where they will be helped to gain the skills and opportunities needed to lead sporting activities in their community.

FLITWICK WORKSHOPCome to your local workshop on the 11th March 11.30am – 2.30pm at the Flitwick Leisure Centre, and because you’ll have just become a sport maker you’ll get a FREE Sport Maker T-shirt, a FREE lunch and a FREE swim!!!

Book now to avoid disappointment. If you are interested in becoming a Sport Maker register online at www.sportmakers.co.uk call 01582 813764 or email [email protected]

DARTS AT THE QUEENS HEAD‘A Ladies Darts Team who were looking for a pub to play at have been welcomed at The Queens Head Ampthill. Our team of six ladies will be joined by at least two new players, so hopefully we will be able to compete in all matches and competitions for the forthcoming Summer League due to start shortly. We look forward to playing for The Queens Head and trust we will make them proud to say they now have a ladies team at the pub.’

ST PATRICK’S DAY - 17th MARCH

Authentic Irish Stew with Michael the Sheep’s local

Mutton - bookings a must!

MOTHERINGSUNDAY -

18th MARCHDon’t get let down - book your table now!

REAL ALESUp to 8 real ales available

EVERY SUNDAY -ROAST LUNCHES

AVAILABLE ALL DAY Choice of locally sourced

meats and fresh veg QUIZ EVERY WEDNESDAY

With our guest Quizmasters - starts at

9.00 pm. No entry fee and everyone welcome!

PRIVATE PARTIES CATERED FORPlease ask for details.

Fully QualifiedFully Insured10 years Salon Experience

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Tel No: 0790 185 3737 Email: [email protected]

81 High Street, Cran eld, Bedford, MK43 0DP

Looking for someone to x, the little things?

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Memory Foam Mattresses Direct from the manufacturer

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A very happy Birthday to ‘Mr Fox’ for the 19th March!

Following two successful fundraising events in 2011, we have bought the road signs, promoting our twinning with Nissan Lez Enserune, which can be seen at every entrance to Ampthill. This year we are already moving on a pace with twinning events. A Nissan Youth Centre named Point Jeunes, will be visiting in April, staying with local families and including a visit to London during their stay. This will be closely followed by the visit of a Youth rugby team from Nissan to officially open one of the new rugby pitches. They will be hosted by local families and an exciting programme has been drawn up. Bedfordshire Lace, the Ladies Morris Dancing group are planning to visit Nissan and Flitwick and Ampthill Lawn Tennis Club will be hosting a return match after their successful visit to France last year. Local schools are also in contact with their counterparts in Nissan Lez Enserune. Our membership list is increasing and if you would like to keep up with what is going on, check out our web site and the web site for Nissan: www.ampthilltwinning.com www.nissan-lez-enserune.net

Congratulations Flo on your 21st on the

22nd March

A big Happy Birthday to Doris on the 23rd March

OFFICE: SMART Motorcycle Training

38, Kings Road, Maulden, Beds MK45 2DT

TRAINING CENTRE: SMART Motorcycle Training,

Redborne School, Ampthill, Beds MK45 2NU

SALES – SERVICE – REPAIRSMOST LEADING MAKES OF LAWNMOWERS AND GARDEN MACHINERY

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The Lawnmower Centre


The Wingfield Club Limited 37 Church Street

Ampthill MK45 2PL

Office: 01525 841736 Open 09.00 to 12.30 Affiliated to the C.I.U.

Managed by the community for the community

Pop in this March 2012 and have a look, if you like what you see fill in a membership form. Its £10 annual fee plus £3 for C.I.U. card which allows access to all C.I.U. clubs in England,

Wales & Scotland. Ask at the bar

Your membership allows you access to the CHEAPEST BAR in AMPTHILL

Automatic invitation to all its social functions plus preferential rates for

hiring rooms

We’re across the road from St. Andrews Church with a large free car park for

members and their guests. We cater for Weddings, Birthdays, Christenings and Wakes and support local charities with

free facilities.

Free WiFi

Free WiFi

Free WiFi

Free WiFi Main Committee Room Ron Morton Room Large Lounge Bar

Look out for our add in the Fuddler for Beer Festivals and Wine tasting experiences Recognised by CAMRA for our cask ales


With Hubert Gavelle

Lawyer: Did you blow your horn or anything? W i t n e s s : A f t e r t h e accident? Lawyer : Before the accident.Witness: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it. Lawyer: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? Witness: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. Lawyer: Did he kill you?

With Mrs Pinkleton

Here are some answers that the kids gave when asked to complete a well known proverb: Don't change horses.............................until they stop running. You cannot teach an old dog new..................................maths. The pen is mightier than the..............................................pigs. Happy is the bride who............................gets all the presents. Two's company, three's ..................................The Musketeers. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and...............................................You have to blow your nose. A penny saved is .......................................................not much. You can lead a horse to water but.................................. How? Don't bite the hand that .........................................looks dirty.

Thanks again Mrs P.

Happy Birthday Dan for the 28th March

Happy Birthday Jenna for the 27th March

Times to suit you. 1st assessment FREE -

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For further information contact Guy on 07811 364 328

Don’t forget Town Hall Antiques in Woburn. A wide variety of Antiques, the biggest stock of

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Hello! I am not an actress but you will know me well from a smoothly presented show!But who do you think I am? Answer at the foot of the page.

Margherita Taylor from Classic FM

Happy Birthday Andy for 13th March

• • •

• •


Here we bring you another recipe that has kindly been sent to us:

WINE BRAISED LIVER WITH RICE

For 3 - 4 people you will need: 200 gm liver from your local butcher 1 onion to finely chop 200 gm mushrooms 1 tbps flour seasoned with salt and pepper 125 ml red wine A little oil to cook with 100 gm long grained rice A garnish of paprika and parsley Firstly pop the oven on to around 170 deg c Then pour a little wine into a glass and take a slurp! Take a pan and heat up a little

oil, into which you add your finely chopped onion. Fry gently until soft (the onion that is), then cut the liver into pieces dip in seasoned flour and fry with onion. Wash and slice up the mushrooms, chuck in with the liver and allow to cook for a few minutes. Then, the good bit (!) add the wine, bring to boil and pour the contents into an ovenproof dish. Cover and cook in the centre of the oven for about 45 minutes. Finally, serve the cooked rice into shaped heaps on each dish and pour the liver, onion and mushrooms over. To add the finishing touch garnish with parsley and paprika.

Many thanks for that one!

1. ‘Do you have Wifi in here?’ ‘Well, she comes in 2 or 3 times a week.’

2. ‘I can’t believe it is tomorrow already.’

Quote of the month: ‘When once the itch of literature comes over a man, nothing can cure it but the scratching of a pen. But if you have not a pen, I suppose you must scratch any way you can.’ Samuel Lover, Handy Andy, 1842

Congratulations to ‘The Smithies’ on their

Wedding Anniversary on the 31st March

Spotted by eagle eyed readers who have very kindly sent these in: Sign in an opticians window: ‘If you can't see what you are looking for, you've come to the right place.’Seen in the window of a house: ‘Please ignore this sign.’Thanks again for these!

Congratulations to Mr ‘Honky Tonk’ and Lis on their Wedding Anniversary on the

1st April!

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Alice Springs to Well 35 on the Canning Stock Route 1976 Day 4

Back in 1976, the route from Alice Springs to Well 35 on the Canning Stock route did NOT feature on any tourist brochures but there were still a few folk who did this sort of thing. By the mid 90’s it became a problem because some people could afford the technology but lacked the skill or experience to stay alive in the bush. Anyway, it was a bit sobering to come across a rusted out three ton truck buried in red sand to its axles, just sitting in the middle of nowhere with NO other sign of humanity. The metal was polished red by being blasted by the wind driven sand and occasionally moistened by humidity just enough to maintain a patina of iron oxide. Abandoned vehicles are a common sight on bush tracks but the majority of tracks have regular traffic, i.e. you may wait less than an hour maybe a day for someone to pass by who can help. This truck might have waited for weeks or months for another passing vehicle! Stuffed in the sun visor and glove compartment were several maps of the area and under the bonnet was a brass label, riveted to the air filter, it was embossed with the instructions on how to clean the filter as part of routine maintenance, The elaborate embossed brass plate, seemed to date the truck as quite old. In the back of the truck were several 20 gallon tanks, all sealed and containing a liquid, it looked like cloudy water, we took some but hoped we would not need to use it. I hope the occupants of that truck got home, I guess they were one crew of several and doubled up with another vehicle. The encounter served to remind us that we did not have “another vehicle”! Later that day we reached Well 35, an unassuming patch of rocky sand in the vastness of “the bush” identified by a small post near a dent in the sand with the fading legend “Canning Stock Route Well 35” We unloaded the three drums of fuel to be left and parked them in some slight shade, we then set about getting a fire going for our evening meal, I cannot remember what it or most other meals were but sandwiches of stale bread, tins of stew and Vesta curry featured high on the list. Then this dog arrived. I am not joking, a starving and very frightened collie turned up and gave all signs that it smelled our food and would like some. It would NOT come nearer than 25 feet but we gave it some food which it ate. Unlike cats which are a menace in the bush, dogs are no good at solo survival in that environment, how this fella got there we can only guess. He obviously had found water somewhere and maybe carrion or dug up bugs and lizards, He probably got separated from a previous expedition on the Canning Stock Route itself.That evening was the first time we really relaxed, we had a cool beer and cider and knew we only had to retrace our steps from the previous days. On the down side we knew that ALL the wells we would pass on the way back were dry and we had about two days water for a journey that took us 4 days on the way out. But on the upside, we were more than half a ton lighter!

Prof Reginald V Q da Ghama IPA With kind permission of Jim Barr

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minus his legs and head. It transpired later that Mrs Bunker’s husband had dug the head up some years earlier and they were using it as a door stop! She could not be persuaded to part with it until a descendent of the Huett family visited her. After rearranging the Chancel, the figures were eventually returned to their rightful place beneath the original Latin inscription which had surmounted their tomb. The Figures of their two children which formed part of the original monument, were never found, but legend has it that they were probably buried under the chancel floor when it was raised in 1864.

GHOSTLY NOISES AT MILLBROOK CHURCH By Lissie At one time during the history of Millbrook Church on the north side of the chancel stood a handsome altar tomb with full length figures of William and Mary Huett who died in 1602. In 1857 when restoration work was started on the church it was decided to dismantle the tomb as it was beyond repair. They moved the figures off the top to another part of the church after which strange noises were heard consisting of creaks and groans. The villagers believed these noises were being made by the figures, aggrieved at

being moved. Eventually the figures were removed to the Rectory cellar in order to try and restore peace to the church once again. The groans were said to continue while they were in the cellar, so the effigies were speedily removed to the Churchyard to be buried in consecrated ground in order to soothe their feelings.

The noises, however still continued in the Church and were said to resemble the cracking of whips! Funnily

enough after the roof collapsed and was renewed in 1888 the noises stopped! The figures remained buried in the Churchyard until 1919 when the then Vicar the Rev Pollard assisted by Bedford Modern School Archaeology Society, Mr H e n m a n o f B e d s Archaeology Society and the Rev. Langdon decided to excavate them. The first day nothing was found. By the third day, an elderly lady (Mrs Bunker) who’s husband had been Sexton many years before, pointed to a spot where her husband’s spade had unexpectedly hit some stonework. Two foot below the surface the two figures were found. The male figure

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Ampthill Rugby Club is riding high in National League three, a well run organised club but it was not always so. I returned home from college for the Christmas vacation on the Friday and phoned the fixture secretary, Ray Duffin, to ask if there was any chance of a game on Saturday. I was told to be at the club at one-o-clock with my kit which I did. Upon arrival I was informed that we were playing away at Biggleswade and I would be playing at full back for the third team, the first team were also travelling to ‘Biggy’. By the time our final player arrived the first team had already left. We arrived at Biggleswade, the first team had already kicked off, and changed in the old wooden clubhouse. There was no sign of any opposition so after standing around for a while our captain suggested that to pass the time a pint was in order, we opened the bar for them and fifteen pints were poured. Half way through our drinks a head appeared round the door and enquired if we were the Ampthill Thirds. Upon affirmation we were informed that the game would be played across the road and that Biggleswade were waiting for us. On taking to the field, which actually was a meadow with vague lines, tussocky clumps of grass and a stream flowing diagonally across the playing area. There was one set of posts at one end and a piece of rope suspended between one post and an overhanging branch. The Biggleswade captain approached and enquired ‘How many have you got?’ Fifteen was the answer. ‘We only have thirteen so one of your players will have to ref.’ This was met with protestation as all present had come to play not ref. A stalemate ensued until a solution was reached: our captain would play and ref at the same time. We lined up for kick off when our captain realised that he did not have a whistle with which to both start and halt the game. It was agreed that he would shout ‘whistle’ if the game was to stop. The next five minutes was absolute chaos with a cry of ‘whistle’ being heard any time a player looked like doing anything slightly dangerous, followed by our captain plaintively pleading ‘It wasn’t me’. At one of these pauses I actually observed two wingers having given up on the game using the flowing stream to play ‘Pooh Sticks’. It was agreed that the situation was ridiculous and we should adjourn to the bar which we did. The game now might be approached more professionally, but I think we had more fun! P.S. The ‘losing touch with reality’ ex-landlord informed me that his dog was attempting to gain his bronze medal. No chance!

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FARMERS MARKETS The Farmers Market in Woburn is held on the third Sunday of every month at The Pitchings, whilst Ampthill Farmers Market is held on the last Saturday of each month at The Prince of Wales in Bedford Street, Ampthill. Don’t forget The Charter Market in Ampthill every Thursday and Flitwick Market on Fridays!

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Answers by email to [email protected] or on a postcard to The Fuddler, PO Box 756 Ampthill Bedford MK45 2WZ Answer next month!

With Lauren Louella Boughalls Hello again everyone and well done to Maureen, Lis, Paul, Josh, Ian, Pauline, Brian and everybody else who correctly stated that the Crown and Sceptre public house was indeed in Bedford Street Ampthill. Also thanks all for the extra snippets of information! Now, with Spring in the air, Algi and I have been off again cycling round the villages and could not resist this picture taken from an unusual angle. But do you recognise it and can you say where it might be?

6 NATIONS RUGBY

ALL GAMES SHOWN Catch the game and grab a burger!

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This month we bring you an interesting tale from the pen of Montgolfier:

A DAY IN LONDON(with a difference)

I left Fuddlerland mid morning and headed for London taking with me a good torch. I arrived at a very large cemetery which was built to deter grave robbers. The east side is protected with a large wall and the west side is guarded by a canal. In the centre is a place of worship and in front of the altar in the floor are two steel trapdoors which open to allow coffins to be taken down. I went down the stone steps to get below with a group of people all carrying a torch each. Below is one long wide corridor with passages going off to the left and right down these corridors are stone shelving 3 high and on all these shelves are almost 3,000 old coffins. Some only 2 or 3 feet long and others weighing up to one ton. Some were coated in green baize with brass studs and all gone mouldy. On some coffins were placed all types of hats. At the far end of each passage was a steel grill for ventilation. Some of the coffins have been there up to 250 years. The Crypt is still used today so some of the passages are roped off. We spent about an hour down there going down the passages. That evening I was asked ‘Did it smell?’ I didn’t notice any but when I got back to Fuddlerland my stomach was churning over - with the shivers.

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Episode 26 part VIII: The Home Strait

It was another full day before I felt I was well enough to get up. My journey from the sick bay back to my dormitory was greeted with a mixture of sniggering, whisperings, stern looks and tutting with the odd shake of the head mixed in for good measure. Seemingly the only people that I had not encountered on my long lonely walk of shame were my two partners in crime and the teachers who were given the job of supervising us on the cruise. It soon became

apparent why that was ..... they were all in one of the makeshift classrooms set aside for the inquiry into the events back on the island. Along with the school contingent there was also a junior officer whose duty it was to pass on the Captain’s gross displeasure at the e m b a r r a s s m e n t h e ’ d suffered due to this incident. The events immediately prior to our premature departure from the Island of Kos are still a memory I cannot draw on, whether it was the alcohol or the subsequent memory block due to the after effects I

don’t know, but I could not and have not since been able to construct a picture of events in the market square that afternoon. As a constant reminder however, it is still not possible to enjoy a glass of ouzo or indeed any anis based spirit without bringing back a horrible taste in the mouth; in more ways than one. I f we thought the atmosphere was bad on board the ship, then we had quite a shock when finally arriving back at school in England. There was no intrepid hero traveller’s welcome home ceremony when our coach arrived. Instead we were marched past our waiting parents in the car park and into the

headmaster’s office, where, we were left in no uncertain terms on how we had brought shame upon ourselves, the school and our country. There was no punishment as such, no caning or detention, no suspensions, but the next few weeks were possibly some of the cruellest I have suffered. My project was completed but was handed in without the proud feeling of an achievement from the experiences gained from new cultures encountered. This in a way was my punishment and it lasts a lifetime. Being in a ship is like being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned....

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The Fuddler March 2012

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Transcript of The Fuddler March 2012