Based on the book by Dr. Karlson

Rate yourself on these factors from 1 (low) to 7 (high) [Here’s an example]

7654321

Denial Anger Bargaining Depression Acceptance Forgiveness

5 minute warm up/check in/introductions exercise in pairs 3 things about your past relationship you are grateful for and why Homework from last week

Mini-lecture on these topics: (one per session—about 30 minutes) Emotional freedom Personal freedom Relational freedom Financial freedom Spiritual freedom (new tips and tools every session)

Each week we will structure questions on one of these topics above, and provide time for :

Journaling Discussion with partner Lessons learned- report out to whole group Q and A Homework for next week

Session 3

Relationship with your ex Relationship with your kids Relationship with family and friends Future romantic relationships

Spouse or significant other

EMOTIONAL

Denial Anger Bargaining Depression Acceptance Forgiveness

SPIRITUAL

Confusion, Fear Bitterness Doubt; Fear Oppression; Death Faith, Peace Forgiveness

Un-forgiveness Spirits of bitterness Spirits of accusation Spirits of control/domination Murder with the tongue

Ratio of positive/negative interactions is 20 to 1, not 1 to 1

Complaints are about behavior not accusations about character

Personal responsibility not denial Transparency and total honesty not

stonewalling Gratitude, blessing, and appreciation not

contempt

Recognize the spirits at work in YOU Repent for allowing them to work Receive forgiveness Replace the “bad guys” with scripture Remember:

God has a plan to prosper YOU

God can heal ANYTHING (even your ex)

God is ALWAYS with you, even in the chaos

God ALWAYS forgives those who forgive

Covering your kids

Loss of an intact family

Mom’s house/Dad’s house

Ongoing conflict between parents

▪ Emotional risks (for about 1 of 3 kids; 2 of 3 do OK) Four times more like to have problems with peers

Three times more likely to need counseling

Two times more likely to drop out of school

As adults, two times more likely to be suicidal

▪ Four times more likely to be poor

▪ More likely to have behavior problems

▪ Mother is more likely to be depressed

▪ More likely to experience asthma/ respiratory illnesses

More likely to be victim of abuse

More likely to be sexually active as a teen

More likely to abuse drugs/alcohol

More likely to end up in jail

Build a cooperative, friendly, supportive relationship with the other parent Recognize the evil spirits at work

Refuse to play; do NOT litigate

Bless the other parent

Pray for the other parent with your children

Encourage a positive relationship with the other parent

Avoid ANY negative comments about the other parent

Be a parent NOT a friend

Set reasonable limits; be in charge

Enforce limits consistently ALWAYS

Recognize that rules in the other parents house may be different; accept that

Do not allow your kids to manipulate nor threaten you with the other parent

Encourage communication with the other parent

If you see trouble signs, get help for them

Friends and Family

Pick/keep godly friends People who will walk with you

People who will pray with and for you

People who will NOT criticize your “ex”

People who will focus on your strengths Say good bye to the others “Bomb throwers”

Critical “helpers”

Controllers

Set firm boundaries Keep them out of the divorce/litigation

Encourage ongoing relationships with the kids▪ Tell them that bashing your “ex” is not permitted

especially around the kids

▪ Make it clear that if they can’t abide by your terms, you will have to back off until they do

Ask them to pray for you/ with you

Express gratitude to them/ for them

Communicate regularly

Future Romantic Relationships

60% of women and 90% of men are emotionally unchanged 10 years post divorce

The risks for divorce go up with each subsequent re-marriage

Men are especially vulnerable

▪ >80% re-marry within a year of divorce▪ >80% of those marriages fail

Single moms feel greater economic pressure to remarry to support their kids

Recognize that divorce is a spiritual issue with spiritual roots

Identify yours; walk out your recovery

Avoid re-bound relationships

No romances for the first 18 months after divorce is final

Focus on becoming a better, healthier, more godly “you”

Friendship first Recognize the danger signals of

unhealthy/ungodly relationships

Too fast

Too intense

Too sexual

Too much drinking/food/excitement/socializing

Date only Christians Date for at least a year If you have kids, keep them separated from

your dating until you are committed When you get serious,

Insist on working together on a household budget until you agree

Agree on a church

Talk about sex but remain celibate until marriage

lessons learned comments feedback homework Closing story or quote

Share as much of your journaling or your reactions to this session as you wish

You will each have about 5 minutes, so manage the time

Questions Report outs Homework: Journaling every day

Finalize and fill in your vision, mission, values, goals

Write down the lessons learned from your relationship:▪ About intimacy; about yourself: about spiritual roots of

your divorce

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