Life After Breakup:What’s Next?

Kevin Karlson JD PhD

You’re an Overcomer by Mandisa

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z29olPjFbqg

When All Else Fails: Minimizing the Damage Before, During, and After Divorce

Based on the book by Dr. Karlson

“Divorce is the only life crisis that dissolves most of the structures of life all at once; consequently, it presents a unique opportunity to really start over and set a new direction that is determined by you.”

Dr. Kevin Karlson

Romans 8:

37 But no matter what comes, we will always taste victory through Him who loved us. 38 For I have every confidence that nothing—not death, life, heavenly messengers, dark spirits, the present, the future, spiritual powers, 39 height, depth, nor any created thing—can come between us and the love of God revealed in the Anointed, Jesus our Lord.

What we believe

God loves and forgives divorced people just like everyone else; “there is no condemnation”

Divorce and recovery are spiritual issues too Divorce is an opportunity Gratitude is essential to health, success, and

recovery from all of life’s challenges We focus on:

Challenges not problems Opportunities not personalities Future not past

How will freedom from the divorce wounds happen?

Session Agenda for ALL Sessions 5 minute warm up/check in/introductions exercise in pairs 3 things you are grateful for today and why Homework from last week

Mini-lecture on these topics: (one per session—about 30 minutes) 

Emotional freedom Personal freedom Relational freedom Financial freedom Spiritual freedom (new tips and tools every session)

Each week we will structure questions on one of these topics above, and provide time for :

Journaling Discussion with partner Lessons learned- report out to whole group Q and A Homework for next week

What does God have in mind for you?

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Eternal, “plans for peace, not evil, to give you a future and hope—never forget that.” Jeremiah 29:10-12 

Freedom from the negative emotions of divorce

Freedom to become what God has always had in mind for you

Freedom to have a godly relationship Freedom to prosper financially

What factors are involved?

Where you are now

God’s vision for your future!

Sp

irit

ual

freed

om

Emotional freedom

Personal freedom

Relational freedom

Financial freedom

Emotional freedom

Nearly everyone recovers; many grow

Recovery takes time and faith Recovery requires time alone Recovery requires self care Recovery requires loving not

romantic relationships Recovery requires a new vision for

the future Recovery is a spiritual as well as

emotional challenge

Personal freedom

Discover/create a new identity Re/discover your personal

Vision Purpose/Mission Values/Beliefs Goals and a strategy for achieving them Career Epitaph

Relational freedom

Friends What kind of a friend are you? What kind of friends do you want? What kind of friends do you have now?

Parents What kind of a parent are you? How do you treat your own parents? What kind of parent do you want to be?

Partners What did you learn about yourself as a partner from

your marriage? CAPT; Love languages What do you want to do differently next time?

Financial Freedom

Your financial vision for your future Budgeting Being a good steward Tithing

(Read “The Blessed Life” by Pastor Robert)

A shared financial vision (and budget) is critical to marital peace and success

Spiritual freedom

22 The Holy Spirit produces a different kind of fruit: unconditional love, joy, peace, patience, kindheartedness, goodness, faithfulness,  23 gentleness, and self-control. 

Session 1Topic 1:Emotional Freedom

Goals for life after divorce

Stages of Divorce Recovery

EMOTIONAL

Denial Anger Bargaining Depression Acceptance Forgiveness

SPIRITUAL

Confusion, Fear Bitterness Doubt; Fear Oppression; Death Faith, Peace Forgiveness

Emotional-Spiritual Connection

New research using fMRI scans has found that when a feeling is accurately labeled, the brain activity changes from chaos (confusion) to order (peace)

A feeling is the emotional/psychological manifestation of a spirit

Emotional freedom: self assessment

Rate yourself on these factors from 1 (low) to 7 (high) [Here’s an

example]7654321

Denial Anger Bargaining Depression Acceptance Forgiveness

Recovery is normal

Nearly everyone recovers after divorce

Most people learn and grow People who do best post-divorce

Spend some time alone Take the time to learn new lessons and

tools Avoid acting out Do all things in moderation including

work Have a good support system-friends and

family

Recovery takes time and faith

Most people completely recover in 18 months or so

People with faith recover more completely (not faster) Faith includes:▪ Gratitude for the relationship▪ Forgiveness for the “ex”▪ Self forgiveness and grace▪ An enduring belief that the best is ahead

(hope)

Recovery requires time alone

Recovery happens in quiet moments with God

Recovery happens best when you have time with nature

Recovery is accelerated through regular journaling

Recovery requires self care

Take care of the temple Eat on schedule Eat nutritious food Exercise regularly Sleep on a schedule Dress for success Maintain (or establish) a routine Plan fun

Recovery requires loving relationships

Christian friends, not another romance, till your 18 months are past and you are healed

Have an accountability partner to keep you from getting stuck in complaining or depression

Give more time to helping others through volunteering

When you’re struggling, talk with someone who listens and cares but won’t rag on your “ex”

Recovery requires new vision for the future

A vision is a picture of your desired future so you can avoid being stuck in the past or the present

“if you don’t know where you’re going, any road will get you there” A vision is a guide for decision making Where there is no vision, the people perish

(Proverbs 29:11) Session 2 is devoted to crafting a new

personal vision for the future

Recovery requires spiritual tools

Divorce is the result of an attack by the Enemy

Recovery from divorce requires recognition of the spirits at work and tools for getting rid of them now and resisting them in the future

Each session of this series will address the spirits and the tools

Spiritual Warfare

General Principles We wrestle not with flesh and blood but…

▪ Ephesians 6:12

All our thoughts are not our own▪ Matthew 16:22-23

Take every thought captive▪ 2 Corinthians 10:5

Separate them from the evil within▪ Romans 7: 15-17

Forgiveness; its not optional▪ Luke 23:34 Matthew 6:14-15

Spiritual warfare-tools

Recognize the spirit(s) in you Repent Receive forgiveness

THEN Respond in love Say “No” to the flashcards of past

wrongs Resist when they return

▪ James 4:7

Walking it out

When you stumble Repent Forgive yourself, you’re only human Pray Start over

Pray for your “ex” every day; in front your kids Ask God to bless them

Common spirits in conflicts

Recognizing the spirits at work pride un-forgiveness bitterness accusation control/domination murder with the tongue (gossip/slander)

Journaling and DiscussionTime for reflection and integration

Journaling

Go back to your self assessment on the 6 divorce recovery factors. For each factor, list your victories and

your remaining challenges▪ Denial▪ Anger▪ Bargaining▪ Depression▪ Acceptance▪ Forgiveness

Journaling

What are the barriers to your continued recovery that you recognize in yourself? Emotional Spiritual

Journaling

How has God spoken to you during your divorce and what has He taught you? Write God a letter…Dear God, thank you for

teaching me about…

If God has seemed absent lately, why do you think that is? Write God a letter..Dear God, I miss you and

want to hear from you again. Please speak to me about…

Discuss with your partner

Share as much of your journaling or your reactions to this session as you wish

You will each have about 5 minutes, so manage the time

Report outs and homework

Questions Report outs Homework:

Strengthsfinders Journaling every day Online self assessment Bring self assessment next week for the

session on Personal recovery

Post Divorce Challenges for Adults

Personal Recovery Topics-Session 2 Roles Identity Vision, Purpose, Mission Values Goals

Kevin Karlson

Email: karlson.kevin@gmail.com

Phone: 972.839.2394

Contact info:

Kim Karlson Kimkarlsonministries.com

Email: lifecoachkim@swbell.net

Phone: 214.914.9873