THE

BREAKUP

A L L I S O N C R E A G H

Can any goodcome from a

breakup?

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I want to share with you some insight I’vevery personally learned about breakups. Idon’t think dating and breakups arediscussed enough in the right way or in anencouraging way without being annoying.

Let's all admit whether you've been thereor not,

Breakups are the worst.

I have been through quite a few of them,and none of them were easy. Honestly, theywere miserable, emotionally draining,exhausting, and hurtful.

The guys I dated loved God, were goodguys, and we didn’t date “just for fun,” butI learned the hard way that they were notthe one that God had created to be myhusband.

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I think it is easy to look back on breakupsand think, “Wow, that was horrible and Iwish I had never dated him to begin with,”because we think it would have been easierif we had never began that relationship inthe first place.

I also always thought that after I wentthrough a breakup, I had somehow beendamaged. And I thought that as I wentthrough more breakups, the more difficultit would be for my future husband to loveme and accept what I had been through anddone.

Over the last several years, I have beenpraying and searching for a betterperspective as to why God would let me andmy friends who I have been with throughtheir breakups have dating relationshipsthat lead to a breakup rather thanmarriage.

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Before every relationship I went into, Iprayed that God would give me wisdomwhether or not I should date the guy. Idon’t think the answer is to just not date, aslong as you are dating for the end goal offinding your spouse.

After lots of praying, this is what God ledme to realize. Life is not about me. Therelationships I am in are not about me.He puts every person and situation in

our lives for a purpose. And the Biblesays that the Lord has made everything forits purpose. (Proverbs 16:4)

God loves using messy situations and peopleto bring Himself glory and to show us howmuch he loves us! It proves to us that wecan’t do anything good on our own, and weNEED a Savior.

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Just study the Old Testament and you willsee story after story of God redeeming andloving his people even when they turn toidols, marry pagans, and just out rightforget God. He just kept redeeming themjust like he redeems us!

Once I realized that God works in my messyrelationships to make the other person andmyself more like Jesus while also bringinghimself glory, I was then able to let go andfeel freedom and thankfulness for what Ihad been through in those relationships.

I realized that even if the purpose of therelationship was for God to work in thatguy’s life more than mine, to bring Christglory, then the relationship was worthit. Because even my relationships aren’tabout me. It is all about Jesus and that is anincredibly freeing truth.

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So how do youdeal with thehorrible, sad

feelings that westill all have

after breakingup?

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I have asked some of my friends to help mecome up with a guide on what to do aftera breakup, and here it is:

1. Remind yourself that you are not just a“victim” of his decision (if he breaks upwith you), but that this was something Godhas written into your plan for your good.(Romans 8:28)

2. Realize that God knows your hurt and isthe greatest comforter (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).Be honest with him, don’t hold back pain,express it to Him.

3. Choose a select few to be vulnerablewith, who you can trust and will give youwise guidance, and don’t share details witha lot of people.

4. Exercise. It is empowering, allows you tofeel strong, and releases negative emotions.

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5. Remember that the other person is yourbrother in Christ and that who they arebefore the Lord is not conditional to theirrelationship with you. Thinking about themnegatively only steals your joy andcontentment.

6. If God uses a relationship to draw one ortwo people to himself, then the relationshipwas still worth it.

7. Sometimes God uses breakups to removeidols from your hearts. That process ispainful, but God is showing you that yourheart is ultimately created to be satisfied inhim alone. When you put that joy andsatisfaction in something or someone else, itwill never satisfy you. Only a relationshipwith Jesus will completely satisfy.

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8. It’s good and necessary to take some timeto grieve, pray, and think on your own, butdon’t be alone for too long.

9. Be around friends who will just be withyou, listen to you, and pray for and withyou.

10. You need the “Hot Now” light to be onat Krispy Kreme.

11. And a vanilla latte or hot chocolate.

12. Or maybe some Bluebell ice cream. Orjust some good dark chocolate.

13. Call mom.

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14. Don’t confide in a guy about yourbreakup. Create healthy boundaries in yourfriendships with guys and invest youremotional state from the breakup inrelationships with your sisters in Christ.

15. That relationship does not define howmuch you are worth. Your worth is foundin Christ

16. Listen to encouraging music, NOT sador sappy songs. Like “God with us” by AllSons and Daughters.

17. Treat yo’ self day (on a budget).

18. Spend some time in nature.

19. Have fun and don’t let yourself be alonetoo long… we all know that just leads tooverthinking!

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And finally...

20. I always need to remind myself of thistruth: no man, no matter how cute, sweet,lovely, smart, or fun he is, will ever satisfyme.

Only Jesus can satisfy and make mecomplete.

This is even more obvious to me now that Iam married because my amazing husbandstill lets me down. He's not perfect!

And let me tell you this, the most joyfuland satisfying times I have ever had withGod were during the times I was running toJesus while grieving over a brokenrelationship.

That alone made the breakup worth it.

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Okay, so howdo I move on?

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When I was single right before dating Jim, Iremember talking to my friend and amentor, Heather, about my frustration withdating. I would pray so much, “God, don’tlet me date anyone unless he is going to bemy husband because I don’t think I can gothrough one more breakup.”

I was so weary and tired of dating, investingmy time and heart in someone and then therelationship completely breaking. It waswearing so much on me and I felt awful forhurting the guy as well.

I told Heather that I was praying that Godwould keep me from dating until I find myhusband, but she challenged me to alterwhat I was praying. Instead of thinking somuch about the next guy being myhusband, she told me to just ask God that Iwould completely trust Him.

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It’s easy to pray and ask for safety andprotection. When I was a little girl, Iremember having nightmares consistently,and I started praying every night that Godwould give me sweet dreams instead of baddreams. I felt so much better after I prayedfor protection. But I also thought that if Ididn’t ask him to protect me, I would havea nightmare again because it was myresponsibility to pray and say those words“please protect me.”

Asking for protection is not a bad thing.But, what if we lived our entire livesasking only for protection from what weare fearful of, so we become fixated onour fear and miss out on the excitingthings that await us.

That’s what I was doing with dating andrelationships. I was praying that God wouldprotect me.

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But then if a relationship hurt me again, Iwould be disappointed and frustratedbecause I had asked God for protection andin my mind, that’s not what he gave me.

Instead, I felt like God just let me walkblindly into the dating world without hisguidance and instead, to navigate it on myown, and that's not what I wanted. I did nottrust myself! But I also wasn't fully trustingGod.

Think of all the new places, newexperiences, new dreams and newheights we could go if we would justtrust God that he loves us and not staywhere we think is “safe”.

Sometimes this may mean to break up andsometimes this may mean to jump in thedating relationship.

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Before I started dating Jim (my husbandnow!), I thought that staying single for awhile was the best thing for me to dobecause it was safe. No guy could hurt meand I couldn’t hurt anyone else.

Well, when I became more fond of JimCreagh, I had a choice to make. Shut itdown or keep trusting where God wasleading me. Jim also told me later on thatwhen we first started dating he had thesame fear as well… should he keep pursuingme, or should he back off and just befriends to keep us both safe.

He told me that he was praying forguidance and God made it clear that hewanted him to keep pursuing ourrelationship (THANK YOU, GOD!!!!).

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Because we both trusted God and steppedout of the “safe zone” even though we wereboth timid and unsure in the beginning,makes it even more clear that God broughtus together and gave us each other as a gift.

5 years ago, one of my best friends gave methis quote when I had broken up with myboyfriend and was hurt and frustrated. Istill keep it framed in my room to remindme of this truth that applies to all of ourrelationships:

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Loveanything, and your heart will certainly bewrung and possibly broken. If you want tomake sure of keeping it in tact, you must giveyour heart to no one, not even to an animal.

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Wrap it carefully round with hobbies andlittle luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lockit up safe in the casket or coffin of yourselfishness. But in that casket– safe, dark,motionless, airless– it will change. It will notbe broken; it will become unbreakable,impenetrable, irredeemable.– C.S. Lewis “The Four Loves”

There were times I trusted God and walkedthrough a relationship that didn’t end well.I had to remind myself that God used it forour good and His good.

Don’t think that if you go through arelationship that doesn’t work out then youmust have not really prayed about it ormisunderstood what God was saying.

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Just TRUST God. He has a purpose.

Don’t live with your goal being yourprotection. You are going to miss out on lotsin life if you do.

God is for you! He wants to give you anabundant life.

Live with your goal being to trust God andyou will also have protection because He isyour protector.

He has so many exciting, amazing,beautiful adventures for you!

“For the Lord God is a sun and shield; theLord bestows favor and honor. NO GOODTHING does he withhold from those whowalk uprightly. O Lord of Hosts, blessed isthe one who trusts in you!” Psalm 84:11-12

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I hope this advice encourages you no matterwhat your status is right now. Share TheNook Girls with a friend who may behurting. Remind yourself of these truths ifyou are currently dating someone or justcruising the single life.

And when the right guy comes along, you’llknow he’s a gift from God when he knowseverything you’ve been through and doneand loves you more and more despite of allof your crap. That kind of love is a just asmall example of God’s love towards us.

For from him and through him and to himare all things. To him be glory forever.Amen. Romans 11:36

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Allison Creagh is a writer and blogger fromRaleigh, NC. She has her Masters in BiblicalCounseling and is an aspiring author. She andher husband have been married since January10, 2015. She loves any excuse to travel, go tocoffee with friends, host parties, and study theBible. Also she is moderately obsessed withdark chocolate.

Follow her on Instagram @allisoncreaghAnd Twitter @allybent

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