Chapter 2 – The Lady and The Pirate Originally Published January 7, 2007

Welcome back to the Buccaneer Legacy, founded by none other than the infamous Captain Jack ... Buccaneer ... himself. I'd like to introduce myself. I'm PurpleBunnySarah, or PurpleBunny, or just Sarah. As you can see, it's hard work being the neighborhood deity. I thought it might be somewhat easier for Jack if he got to meet me. However, I was a bit unprepared for his visit when he showed up. After greeting him I quickly dashed off to get dressed.

Suitably attired, I made lunch for Jack, my husband, and myself and we all sat down to discuss with Jack just how the legacy was progressing. "So, you have one baby already and another on the way, right?" "Sure thing, love. In fact, I can't be staying long as I left Elise in a rather delicate state, savvy?" "Right, she's in labour. But that can wait for a minute - she won't even miss you. Trust me."

"Anyway, what's the hardest part so far of being in this legacy?" "Well, mate, it's the fact that I have to be landlocked for the rest o' me life, savvy? Captain Jack is meant to sail the high seas, not settle down to a life o' domestic bliss."

"You don't find trying to date fifty women without your wife's knowledge on the difficult side as well?"

"Truth be told, I'm not too keen on the cheating, love. I keeps the dates as short as possible so me wife and daughter won't find out. So far I've been lucky." "What will you do if Elise should catch you cheating." "Your guess is as good as mine, love."

"Well Jack, thanks for stopping by and I'm glad that I finally had a chance to meet you in person, as it were." "Not a problem, love. By the way, you are aware that you are blue, eh?" "It's one of the perks of being a deity, Jack." "I see. Well, mate, me wife's having a baby at the moment so I'd best be heading home, aye?" "I'll send you right on your way - she won't have missed you in the slightest!"

This is where we left you. Elise had just gone into labour with her and Jack's second child.

At the sound of Elise's swearing, Jack came running. "Elise, love, maybe you shouldn't be using such foul language when Elisabeth might hear you, savvy?" "Jacques, Elisabeth ees sleeping and zis baby ees coming now! And zis ees all your fault and I am going to kill you when zee baby ees born! Ow!"

Despite Elise's threats, though, she did not in fact kill Jack when their second daughter was born. They named her 'Mary' after Mary Read, one of the few known female pirates in history. Mary Read was born to a sea captain's widow in London. When her older, legitimate, brother died, Mary's mother began dressing her as a boy. This continued into Mary's teen years when she found employment aboard a ship. Mary then joined the British military. She proved herself through battle, fell in love, and married a fellow sailor. They lived happily on land until Mary's husband died, at which point she again disguised herself as a man and rejoined the military. Mary's ship was captured by the notorious pirate "Calico" Jack Rackham and his companion, female pirate Anne Bonny. Mary, still disguised as a man, was recruited to Rackham's crew and she and Anne Bonny became quite close, especially after Anne learned her secret. Rackham also found out and allowed Mary to remain on board, even revealing her gender to the crew!

"...and very bad eggs..." "Daddy, zat is not ze birt'day song!" Elisabeth scolded. Her birthday was right after Mary's birth. "Sorry, sweets," Jack said, and launched into the appropriate birthday song this time. "Zat ees better," Elisabeth said primly. "When did you start talking with your mother's accent, sweets?" Jack asked warily. "When I decided that I want to be a French lady when I grow up," Elisabeth replied, and blew out the candles.

"Oh, I am beautiful!" "Yes indeed you are, sweets."

With both Elisabeth and Mary safely tucked in bed, and Elise still at work, Jack continued in his quest for fifty 1st dates. "So what do you say, love? Five seconds in heaven sound good to you?"

Date #10: Ivy Copur "Is that it? A handshake and goodbye?" "I was honest with you, love. Five seconds, I says, and I means it!"

The guests gone, Jack again proves that he's a good father for a dirty Pleasure sim. He's always tucking his little girls in once they're asleep. Everyone say it with me. "Awwww...."

Jack and Elise have as spicy a relationship as ever since Elise knows nothing of Jack's 50 dates want. And you can't get much spicier than red hands. "Which ever of us loses has to clean Bootstrap's cage, savvy?" "Jacques, you are so funny sometimes. Eet ees your job to clean zee parrot's cage. I told you zat when you brought it 'ome." "Eh, it was worth a try, love."

"Monsieur Bootstrap, you are such ze refined animal. A lady often 'as a pet birdie. I 'ope you live long enough to be my birdie when I am a proper lady."

"'Ow can I learn to be zee proper lady when we 'ave zee cockroaches in zee 'ouse?!? Papa! Kill zem all!" "In a moment, sweets. Your sister needs her daily bottle of 'special' milk, savvy?"

"So here's the deal, doll. Your sister Elisabeth gets to be the fancy lady and you get to be a pirate just like me, savvy?" "Goo!"

"Why Jacques can't just 'ire a repairman ees beyond me!"

Elise rolled up the want to enrol Elisabeth in private school so dutifully she called up the headmaster. Then she set to work cooking dinner since she's got four times as many cooking points as Jack while the Captain gave the tour. "So this is the lawn, mate. I used to live out here, savvy? But then I married me wife and she wanted a proper house, mate. And that's how it is around here, aye?"

Elisabeth took it upon herself to regale the headmaster, Korey Jitmakusol, with all the gory details of her little sister's birth. Fortunately, the headmaster wasn't scared too badly and Elisabeth was rubber-stamped right into private school.

Looking for something, Jack? "Captain Jack." Captain Jack. "I lost me keys, mate. Never play 'hide the keys' with an eight year old and a parrot, savvy?"

With both Jack and Elise working during the day, they had to hire the nanny to watch Mary. Fortunately, the nanny was mostly harmless. She changed Mary's diaper, fed her a bottle, and spent the rest of the day playing pinball.

Ahh, time. It passes so quickly. Before long it was Mary's birthday. Come on everyone, sing along with Elise! "'Appy birt'day to you! 'Appy birt'day to you! 'Appy birt'day chere Marie! 'Appy birt'day to you!"

"Arr!" "I sink you 'ave been spending too much time wif' your father, Marie." "Arr! Eggs!"

"Listen, sweets, I don't know much about doing homework and all since I never went to school meself, but I never knew that you could get school credit for drawing pictures of princesses on your math homework, savvy?" "Eet ees decoration, Papa! For my essay about French 'istory! See zee nice guillotine I drew beside zee princess?" You have a very, very strange daughter, Jack. "Tell me about it, mate."

And now I see why you really hired the nanny.

"Mithter bunny head, we're going to be pirateth! Grr! Arrrrr!" "The sheep says, 'Baaaaaaa!'" "No do the pirate noitheth mithter bunny head!" "The parrot says, 'Wind in the sails! Awk! Wind in the sails!'" "That'th better, mithter bunny head."

"D'you think you could give me some privacy while I use the necessary, mate?" "I'll just turn my head." "You're a very strange man, mate."

Once again on the quest for fifty first dates, Jack ventured back down the hill to the card shack. Unfortunately, he was intercepted by date #5 on his way in with his companion. "I don't think I deserved that."

Date # 11: Goopy GilsCarbo "Yo ho! yo ho! a pirate's life for me!" "Goopy, mate, did anyone ever tell you that you're a really bad singer?" "Gee, Cheef Captin Jack, nobody ever said that to me before." "Ah. Well then, let me be the first, mate." "Gee, thanks Cheef Captin Jack!"

Date #12: Gordon Gothier "Listen, mate, now that we've gone out once will you please stop following me to the washroom?"

Assuming Elisabeth to be a lost cause in the piratical department, Jack spent most of his time indoctrinating Mary instead. "Say it with me now, doll. 'Rum.'" "Wum!" "That's my girl." "But daddy, what ith rum?" "It's pirate juice, doll." "I want thome rum, daddy!" "Grown-up pirate juice!" "Aww ratth."

Date #13: Andrea Hogan "You mean I got all dressed up and it's over already?" "Dates with the Captain are like a shot of the finest rum, love. One sip and it's gone, savvy?" "What a rip-off."

Date #14: Marylena Hamilton the Second "Can we hurry this up, Chief Captain Jack? I'm kind of in the middle of a grocery run and my next stop is Gage Uglacy's house. I'm kind of in a hurry to get there!"

Date #15: Viola Harris "This is the most boring date I've ever had, Chief Captain Jack." "What? It hasn't even started yet, love." "Exactly. If it's this bad before it starts, it's only going to get worse. I'm out of here!"

Date #16: Cassidy Shahan "Can we just skip this one, love? I have a dentist appointment, savvy?" "Okay, but I want a raincheck! You haven't seen the last of me, Chief Captain Jack!"

Date #17: Carmen Patch "You smell like squashed roaches, love." "Why, thank you! You're not so bad yourself, Chief Captain Jack!" "That, ah, wasn't a compliment, savvy?"

Date #18: Jessica Ebadi "I thought I told you, mate, no coworkers!" That does still count as a date, though, Jack. "Well, that's a relief mate. At least this wasn't a total waste of time."

"Daddy! I need a huuuuuuug!" "What seems to be the problem then, doll?" "Mommy thaid I have to be a lady when I grow up and I don't wanna! I wanna be a pirate like you daddy!" "That's me girl, aye."

Alas, poor Bootstrap. You will be missed, and replaced, and completely forgotten by the rest of the family.

"I do not know why my silly 'usband demanded we name you 'Mr Cotton's Parrot' but zat is your name for now." "*Rawk* Wind in the sails! Wind in the sails!"

Oh noes! Not the invisible newspaper!

"Daddy! I want thome rum! Rum! Rum!" "Marie, where did you learn about zat 'orrible drink?" "Mithter bunny head told me about it."

"Who's daddy's little pirate girl?" "I am!" Awwww.... I must reiterate yet again - Jack and Elise are both very good parents.

"Happy birthday, doll! Make a wish!" "I want to be a pirate when I grow up!"

"Daddy I look jutht like you only cuter!"

"Hooray! I look just like a pirate!" For some reason, Mary stopped lisping. "Mama said that lisping isn't something young ladies do, and I kept lisping because I don't want to be a young lady. But then daddy said that pirates don't lisp either because pirates are fierce not cute so I stopped."

Jack has mastered the talent of making a cake disappear in five seconds or less. 5...4...

...3...2...

...1! It's completely vanished. "The trick is to take the piece and shove the whole thing in your mouth at once, mate." Eww.

"Mr Cotton's Parrot, do you think I have what it takes to be a pirate?" "Wind in the sails! Wind in the sails!" Despite the family's best effort's, Mr Cotton's Parrot refuses to elaborate further.

"Three shiny rocks and a blue feather." "Vorthless dates, coming up!"

Date #19... Wait a minute. Haven't you dated Cassidy Shahan before, Jack? "The crazy old deity is right! Mate, you brought me recycled goods!" "Let me try again, Chief Captain Jack."

Date #19... "Try again, mate!"

Date #19: Arcadia Bradshaw "About time, but I expect a refund... savvy?"

Date #20... "That's it mate, you owe me that feather back."

Sadly, Jack had to stop dating for the day because Elise got a promotion and came home early. "Just missed getting caught, mate. And that wouldn't have been pretty. Elise has quite the temper, aye?"

"Don't tell Jacques but I'm drinking the last rum."

"Wanna be a pirate with me, Marsha?" Dun-dun-dunnnnnnn...

"Zee 'eadmaster is 'ere and we 'ave 'ardly a sing to eat in zee 'ole 'ouse! I am going to kill Jacques when I see 'im! 'E was supposed to buy groceries!"

"Marie, can I play ze game with you and your friend?" "No! Pirates only."

"Allo Monsieur 'Eadmaster." "Hellew little gehl." "Let me give you a tour of our 'ome while Mama finishes making supper." "Thet would be lovehly."

"Zis ees zee yard. Please ignore zee crazy lady kicking over zee trash can." Editor’s Note: At some point this picture got corrupted. I assume it was Marylena Hamilton kicking over the trash can whilst Elisabeth attempted to show the Headmaster around the house.

"I'm serious, mate. You really need to deal with that nutter, aye?"

Jack had a little problem. He really had to potty, but he was being growled at by a strange dog.

Geez, Jack, you're not quite an elder YET! The next time I remodel your place, I think I'll build an extra bathroom.

"Mmm... smell that sweet, sweet aroma, mate." *Hurl*

Jack, the shower is behind you. "I'm not wearing my hat, savvy? The dreads, remember, mate?" Right.

"Your turkeh is quite delicious, Madame Buccaneer. I should be dee-lighted to offer Mareh a place at our fehne instehtution." "Oh, thank you Monsieur 'Eadmaster!"

"Mama, do I really have to be a lady instead of a pirate?" "You can be whatever you want to be, Marie." "Can I drink lots of rum?" "Only eef you go to college, cherie."

The little lady. Elisabeth's room is decorated entirely in shades of pink and red.

The little pirate. Mary's room, on the other hand, could best be described as an aquarium diorama.

"Eef you are pirates when you grow big, or ladies, either way you will be rich! You will always be happy eef you are rich."

"Does that mean that if we're rich we'll have lots of friends, mama?" "Everyone will want to be your friend eef you are rich, Marie."

"Elisabeth, ma petite cherie, ladies do not eat zere food wit' zere fingers. Zhey use forks." "Oui, mama."

"Mama, why does that lady with the crystal ball visit daddy every day?"

"Marie, you are a very silly girl. Zhere ees no lady wit' zee crystal ball on zis island."

Mary is definitely daddy's girl. "Daddy, when I'm grown up can I be your first mate on your ship?" "I lost me ship some time ago, doll. When me crew left me on this forsaken isle, savvy?" "Oh... right. Well, I'll find it again for you!"

"Jacques! Get in here! Zis stupid piece de poisson salle de bain needs fixing and eet ees your job to fix eet!" *sigh* "Yes, dear." Can it be? Is Jack whipped? "I heard that, mate." Well?

"Marsha, I don't know why you need to call me every five minutes. Of course we're best friends! But teacher is going to get mad if you keep using your cellphone to call my house in class, especially since I sit next to you."

"Haha! You're eet!" "How come you get to pick all the games we get to play, Elisabeth?" "Because eet ees my birt'day, Chandler!" "Oh. Well, your party's boring! I don't wanna play tag!" "Too bad, Chandler. Eet ees my birt'day so I get to pick zee games." "Blah."

And yet, despite his complaints, Chandler joins in anyway. "She said she'd beat me up if I didn't play!"

"Everyone, eet ees time for me to blow out zee candles! Come and sing to me!"

There were actual children at Elisabeth's birthday party! Wow! That pretty well never happens when I play this game, but both Elisabeth and Mary had one friend each so Chandler and Marsha came over to help celebrate. Marylena Hamilton happened to be walking past on another newspaper-stealing or trashcan-kicking expedition and also stopped to join in the birthday celebration. Jack was sleeping. "When you're sneaking around all night with the matchmaker trying to have dates, see if you have any energy during the day, mate." Ah, so that's what you were doing. Any interesting dates? "Just that wretched Cassidy Shahan. Again. I think the Gypsy Matchmaker is mocking me, mate."

"I am beautiful!" Yes, Elisabeth grows up very pretty despite inheriting some of her father's odder facial genetics. She rolled Fortune and as a LTW to be a hall-of-famer. So very ladylike, yes? "I will be in zee hall of fame for croquet!" Sure you will.

Elisabeth was very happy with her birthday present, a fancy vanity table with mirror. Her mother also found her a fashionable dress straight from the boutiques of Paris.

"Now, Elisabeth, you must really improve your manners eef you want zee noblemen in France to take you seriously." "I am all ears, mama." "Zat means no eating wit' your fingers, Elisabeth. And your 'air must always be properly coiffed. I like zat 'airstyle you 'ave now, by the way." "Thank you, mama." "In a few years your papa and I will send you to ze Acadamie le Tour in Marseilles. Zat is where my frere went to university. I 'ear zey 'ave a women's studies program suitable for a young girl such as yourself." "Do zey have an athletics program, mama?" "Ahh... I do not know, Elisabeth. Why do you ask?" "No reason, mama."

"Sails to starboard, Captain Jack! There be booty ripe for the picking! Should we pull up alongside the scurvy dogs and board their ship and take the booty and everything?" "What are you doing in the bathtub, doll?" "Playing pirates, daddy!" "That's my girl!"

"I do everysing around 'ere. Jacques, 'e just jumps on zee couch or swims in zee pool or blows zee bubbles all day and I do all zee work." It's a tough life, living in luxury on a tropical island, isn't it?

"Five clams, two turtleshells, and a bottle opener." "Deal."

Date #20: Calista Despret "Sorry about the speed dating, love, but you did a great job with the hedges! I'd give you a tip, but me advisor says I'm not allowed, savvy?"

Date #21: Sheila Lam "I've had a lovely time, mate. We'll have to do this again, savvy?" "But I only just got here!" "Well, time's a-wasting and I'm sure you have plenty of other things to do, love! So glad you could spare a moment, aye?"

"Come on, Commodore Bear, we have to get Mr Cotton's Parrot and head out! Time and tide wait for no one!" By the way, I'm loving the fact that I actually get to use the nautical stuff from Family Fun Stuff. I use the princess stuff all the time but this is my first time using the nautical stuff to any extent! Nothing like getting your money's worth...

Ahh... family discusssions over breakfast. Jack is always conspicuously absent because he doesn't get home from work until after the girls leave for school. "Make sure zat zee man you marry ees a good cook, and you will be 'appy for zee rest of your life." "Mama, are you trying to tell us something? We both know zat papa cannot cook." "I am just saying, girls. Zat ees all."

Elisabeth is making some progress in eating with her fork and not her fingers. Sadly, Mary appears to be regressing instead of progressing.

"Allo, Derek paper-boy! May I practice zee flirting wit' you?" "Uh, I guess."

"My, you are zee 'andsomest paper-boy on zee 'ole island, Derek!" "Thank you, Chiefs-Daughter Elisabeth. But, uh, I'm also the only paper-boy on the island. The others are girls..." "No, zere ees also Alon. But 'e ees not as 'andsome as you are, Derek." Shame on you, Elisabeth. Taking advantage of that poor paperboy when you have no intention of dating him. "'e ees just a servant." Still.

Some things... never change. "I found the rum, mate!" That's great, Captain. Ahh... where did you find it? "In the couch, aye! Ahh...." Another evening spend lamenting.

Deciding that she needed someone more interesting to practice flirting with, Elisabeth headed down the hill to a local park. There, she soon spotted someone worth her attention - Randy London. "Zat Randy, 'e is very 'andsome!"

A date quickly ensued. (Two lightning bolts! Scary!) "Randy, you wouldn't 'appen to be a French nobleman in disguise, would you?" "Sorry, Miss Elisabeth. I'm an islander, through and through." "C'est dommage..."

"Would you like to kiss me, Randy?"

"Uhh... no thanks! Bye!" Poor Elisabeth. Rejected for her first kiss!

She spent the rest of the afternoon crying so I sent her back home. She'll have to try for her first kiss another day. "Zat boy Randy, 'e is 'andsome but 'is 'eart is made of ice!"

"Where'd you scamper off to, doll? Commodore Bear and I have an important mission for you, savvy?"

*whisper**whisper**whisper* Whatcha doing, Captain? "Nothing, mate."

Ohhh.. so that's what Jack was doing! It's his birthday! "Happy birfday, Cheef Captin Jack!" "Goopy, mate, you're a strange bloke, aye?"

And there I'll leave you, with this lovely picture of Jack growing old in his swim trunks. I should have another update pretty soon! -------------------------------------- Custom content on my self-sim includes a skin by Enayla (Pixie Royal). I think the clothing is from All About Style but I could be mistaken.