Chapter 7 – Very Weird Kids

Awww... aren't they cute? Gage Uglacy came over to visit the Island's newest Simself and fell asleep in a nourishing bowl of mac 'n' cheese along with his hostess. But don't worry, this visit was perfectly chaste. After all, who could be attracted to someone capable of engulfing an entire bowl in the folds of his face?

Well, obviously someone could. But whose house is Gage leaving in the wee hours of the morning? Oh, you ARE reading the seventh chapter of A Piratical Legacy. So bear with me. I'll get to the Buccaneers shortly.

Gage wasn't leaving Ephemeral Toast's house, certainly. No, Toasty has only just moved to the Island and hasn't had a chance to become friends with Gage yet, much less become another of his conquests.

Gage and I had a chance to sit down and chat, and I flat out asked him whose bed he'd had his boots under. "The Gagemeister is a discreet guy, but I can definitely make time for YOU, honey!" Oh Gage. You're so cute. Such notions you get. "I got more than notions where you're concerned, darlin'." Just tell me. Who've you been spending quality time with? "I've been pining to spend quality time with y-" Oh, never mind.

This chapter of A Piratical Legacy is brought to you by none other than generation 2 spare Elisabeth and her family. After marrying college sweetie Shannon Toyonaga, Elisabeth had a baby girl named Antoinette. "Only after you finally played my 'ouse after letting me wander around pregnant for weeks!" *shifty eyes* I wouldn't do that to you Elisabeth...

Mary was a frequent visitor to Elisabeth and Shannon's house. Mary and Elisabeth definitely do look like siblings, methinks. Something about the mouth, the chin, and the eyebrows. Note that Elisabeth never bothered to dye her eyebrows blond when she changed her hair colour...

Alan came home from work with Shannon Every. Freaking. Day. Just so he could indulge in sandwiches and discuss with his sister-in-law and brother-in-law about how hot his wife is.

Anyway, Antoinette grew up to be a relatively pretty (considering her father, who has ... unique ... genetics), pleasure sim teenager and then the house sat idle, waiting to host photos and for Toni to go to university with her cousins. And now on to the main legacy house!

Back in the main legacy house, Elise was still very broken up over Jack's not-sudden passing. "'E was only wit' us for a short while! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" But I thought you said he had taken over Commodore Bear? Doesn't that mean he's still with you? "'E cannot be 'ugged in zis form except by zee childrens! And I just want my Jacques again!" Awww... *sniffle* As you can see, Eddie is taking Jack's death almost as badly as his grandmother.

Anne and Jack Jr. conquered their pain by playing cops 'n' robbers for the rest of the evening. "Jack says that this is, like, practice for when we get into police shootouts!" Annie, honey, I thought you wanted to be a cheerleader, not a criminal. "Jack is like my bestest friend, goddess! I totally don't mind helping him with target practice!"

"Yeah, tomorrow we get to practice with real guns!" No. "I knows where you sleep, goddess." I have boolprop. "I gots da rum, goddess." You win.

Mary! Your father just died! What are you doing? "Me dad would've wanted me to keep sailing, mate." Sailing in a bathtub? "Arr! Don't be knockin' it until ye be tryin' it, mate!"

Hmm... you may have a point there... Chris, is that land I be spyin' ahead? "You're very, very weird love." Don't you ever listen to your Sims' suggestions? "I ... try not to Sim." Bah.

"Ah. Roux-kitty. I've been meaning to have a chat with you." -Help.- "See, youse late with yez payments again. Either you pays me what you owe now plus ten percent or I 'repossess' yez litter box. Capisce?" -Ulp.-

Speaking of kitties, it's Eddie-The-Tiger's birthday!

And once the makeup is removed, the verdict is... hottie! But why'd you remove the face paint, Eddie? "Face paint doesn't help me on my quest to create a human-tiger hybrid. I must study hard and learn all I can before I begin my experiments in genetic manipulation." Ahh... rolled knowledge, did you? "I want to Max Out All 7 Skills." I see.

"Hello furry cat-beast. Would you like to contribute some DNA for my experiments?" "Mew." "Oh, nothing invasive. Just a few hair follicles." "Mew." "Well, if you change your mind let me know. Here's my card." "Mew!" "Oops! Well, how was I to know you don't have a collar? Sheesh!"

While on his mission downtown to seek out new life, civilizations, and sources of feline DNA, Eddie came across something hitherto unknown to him at this point... the Attractive Female. Tosha Ajjalckdouaow8i and Eddie hit it off pretty well, two lightning bolts and all that jazz. "Goddess, I'm going to marry her and turn her into my first human-tiger hybrid." Does she know that? "I'll tell her later, but she's a freak like me so I'm sure she'll be fine with it." Right-o.

"I think she likes me!"

On his trip home Eddie elected to play with light wave theory, stealth technology, and the laws of thermodynamics in general.

"Gwamma, will you buy me a slave?" "What do you need a slave for, Ivy, ma cherie?" "If I am gonna be a Queen then I need a slave to do my bidding! Or at least a peon." "Zee best I can do for you ees introduce you to zee maid, Kaylynn. But I do not sink she ees a slave. Slaves aren't supposed to rage at their masters for not moving zee crib away from zee bed."

Jack, what are you doing? "Plotting my latest criminal enterprise, goddess." Do tell. "I'm replacing all of the crayons on the island with defective ones, while securing my own personal supply of unblemished writing tools. Within a few weeks, there should be a vast crayon shortage, enabling me to sell my superior products for a substantial profit." Are you sure you aren't just a future business tycoon in disguise and not a criminal? "The crayons that protest their rough treatment are getting their wrappers peeled slowly and painfully."

Whatcha doin', Alan? "Investigating crayon fraud."

Even after Jack's death, the legacy lot was still extremely glitchy and aggravating, so I decided the family should move to a new one. I packed up their stuff, demolished the lot, and replaced it with this one. I did not create this house. It was made by wolfsim68 at www.insimenator.net. I highly recommend her lots, community and residential. In fact, I use them constantly, as you may have noticed.

"Listen, Ivy, I think the Feds are on to me. Can I hide the rest of my counterfeit pearls in your diaper?" "I only accept weal pearls, Jack. A Queen does not settle for less."

"Nice wolfie!" -Grrrr...- "Listen, you bite me and not the furniture and we're square, 'k?" -You've gotta be joking! Do you know how many diseases you humans carry? I wouldn't bite you if I was starving to death!- "But I wanna experiment with werewolf DNA too! That way maybe I can become a weretiger!" -Okay, now I'm leaving. You want to be a CAT? Bah!-

"Mom hid the guns again, sis. Listen, you distract her and I'll hide her rum." "Vo Gerbits!"

Eddie, now what are you doing?!? "Jack said he'd stop 'investing' my lunch money if I manage to get abducted."

"Ivy, methinks you be the normal one o' me children, aye?" "I'm destined for gweatness, mommy." "Aye." "And if Eddie ever meets da aliens, I can weally be Galactic Overlord Queen of the Cosmos, 'cause he'll make them pay me twibute." "Listen, love, what I said about ye being the normal one? Forget that, aye?"

"I wanna be Queen now! Now now now now NOW!" "Arr... if her tantrums be this bad when she be a toddler..." ... you hope she'll never actually BE the Queen of the Cosmos. "Aye."

Time for a birthday! "I'm almost big enough to have lackeys, daddy!" "That you are, princess." "Scwew pwincess! I wanna be Queen!"

... and an absolutely beautiful queen at that! "Wow, with looks like these I'll never have trouble recruiting minions for my vast armies!"

Jack, what in the world are you doing? "This is a mock-up of the rocket I'm selling to the Russians." You're selling rockets to the Russians. "Yeah. I'm buying them from the Russian mafia, and then selling them back to the government at a killer profit. Then the mafia appropriates them again, and then I sell them back to the government! So everybody wins!" Does your father know what you're doing? "Nah, he's still trying to track down da counterfeit pearl operation, but I sold that to a couple of suckerfish last week."

Whatcha doin', Alan? "Just chillin' with Shannon." Do you ever hang out with anyone BUT Shannon? "Sometimes I talk to my wife."

"I just be glad me 'usband gets along wif me brother-in-law, mate." Well, I suppose it's better to be friends than enemies. "Me mum and me sister fights constantly, aye? 'Cause Elisabeth keeps spyin' on the 'ouse with 'er telescope. I think she be jealous of our new 'ouse."

"Annie, I can't get out bed when you're standing in the way!" "Well, I have to do three practice cartwheels and two flips before I can move, Ivy. So you just have to like deal with it, okay?" "I'm commanding you to move!" "Like, I'm your older sister, Ivy. I won't have to listen to you even if you do get elected Prom Queen." "I don't want to be PROM queen, I want to be the Galactic Queen of the Cosmos!"

Jack! You're making a mess! Now Remington will never leave! "It's all good, goddess. The maid gives me a cut of his profits, see?" How'd you get him to agree to that? "I promised that I wouldn't break his legs."

"No, Alan, I will not get rid of my hat! For the last time, the recent glut of Russian missiles on the black market has nothing to do with custom content!"

What are you working on, Eddie? "It's my term paper, goddess. I've entitled it, 'The Furry Conundrum: How to Use Genetics to Make the Dream Become Reality.'"

"So now we understand each other. My sister gets into your school, and you get to celebrate another birthday! And everyone wins, right?" Jack!

"Grandma, our pajamas clash horribly. I would expect the grandmother of a Queen to dress more appropriately." "You are such ze sweet little girl, Ivy." "A Queen must always be brutally honest, grandma."

"I am so totally abolishing the community service requirement from the junior cheerleading squad once I make captain."

Ah, zis turkey dinner ees delightfully fermented. C'est magnifique!"

"Jacques, you can let go now." "Not until you hand over my allowance, grandma." "You are putting ze pressure on my spine, Jacques." "Is that a fact, grandma?" "Oh, just take ze money!" "It's been a pleasure doing business with you, grandma."

"Yay! Tomorrow I can totally start dating the captain of the football team! Vo Gerbits!"

Okay, the workout clothes have got to go. "For once, goddess, we are in total agreement."

Your turn next, Jack! "Excellent. This will do wonders for my street cred. People take teens much more seriously than children and toddlers, you know." Oh, you're plenty scary to your family even as a child. "To the family, yeah, but I'd never really hurt them. The family looks out for its own. It's everyone else who better make their payments on time... and now I can back that up with some real muscle." I'm surprised you don't have lackeys yet. "Lackeys always try to take out the leader in the end. It's much safer to do one's own dirty work."

Gah! Well, I can say that nobody is going to take you seriously in that getup. "This plastic tie sucks." Get thee to a wardrobe! "Mommy, Jack looks funny!" "Ivy, you can only hope that you grow up in much better clothes than your siblings did." "A Queen is always appropriately dressed for every situation." We'll see about that.

"Oh, this is totally better. I can't wait til school tomorrow! I'm like totally trying out for the cheerleading team!" Aspiration: Romance LTW: Celebrity Chef

Jack, you look delightfully menacing. Well, except for the hair. The hair is a little girly. "Are you saying I look like a sissy, goddess?" Uh... *gulp* No! "Good. Just so's we understand each other, right?" Aspiration: Knowledge LTW: Max 7 Skills

Marina... (aka smoothiequeen87) did you eat some of Elise's fermented turkey or something? "Nope!" *hurl* "Must just be a bug..."

I see you're having the Simselves over for a party, though. "Yeah, the half that get to the hot tub first just kinda stay there. The rest then dance badly in my living room. It's a guaranteed roof raiser." I see Ephemeral Toast, PikaKyle, and Candi in the hot tub.

Simselves... getting down with the crazy beat. rachelgrey, smartypants210, Blite27, and my simself are grooving. Badly.

So do you think Blite's simself is hot? "I totally think his simself is hot. You?"

"I want to have his babies. But I don't think my husband would understand so much."

"Ohh... babies... I like babies..."

"Death is too good for her." "That's awfully violent, Marina." "If only you knew what she'd done to me, you wouldn't think it too harsh."

Muahahahaha! "Frammit!"

Uhh... Mary? What are you doing?

"Commodore Bear and I be plotting a trip, mate." Wh-what happened to the bear? I thought he looked like your father? "Been like this since yesterday, mate. Daddy's obviously busy elsewhere, savvy?" Okay, the thing with the bear is getting really weird.

The twins and Eddie decided that what they most needed before diving into the sordid legacy world that is skilling like mad was a night on the town. The twins sat together, while Eddie...

... sat on the other side of the room. "If I sit over here maybe nobody will know we're related."

"Aaah!" "Nothing to worry about, miss. Happens all the time."

"It kind of tickles."

"You get in first." "No, you get in first!" "Look, Anne, he can't be that bad of a driver..." "Eddie, Jack and I have only been teens for a few hours, and yet you expect me to believe he's magically learned to drive? You get in ...

I'll walk home." "Stop arguing, youse two! Just gets in da car before I come out there and 'persuade' yez..." "Fine. But Eddie has to ride in the trunk this time." "Hey!"

What are you studying, Ivy?' "A Queen doesn't need to study cooking, cleaning, or mechanical. She has peons, servants, and slaves to do her bidding, goddess." Reading for pleasure, then? "Yes; it's quite a good book."

What's it called? "War and Peace." Let me guess... Jack got it from the Russians for you... "That's right!"

*snort**snerk**snore* "Roux... your DNA will come in handy... just need a cat with stripes now..." *snort*

"Jack, could ye be puttin' some pressure on the gardener, then? She's doing a lousy job pruning the 'edges and clearin' out the weeds, savvy?" "Are you sure yez wants to get involved in my sordid life of crime, mother?" "I be a pirate, Jack." "Good point."

*mutter* "Threaten to take my shears and use them on me... the nerve..." *mutter* "Stupid legacy families..."

What's wrong, Anne? "Jack noogied me!"

"Daddy, why do you have to take the King to win? It would make much more sense if the Queen was the one who guaranteed victory."

"Hi Tosha... glad you could make it for our date!" "Date? I thought we were doing homework together!" "It's a study date!" "Oh, okay. Studying is soooo hot." "Ugh, you sound like my sister." "Sorry."

"What subject is this, Eddie?" "Reproductive psychology, Tosha." "Oooh!" Eddie, you and your girlfriend are geeks! "I know." You look so smug about it too.

Okay... time to get a room, you two!

"Pimples are not conducive to scientific experimentation, except for being an excuse to try out this new acne cream." Ewwww.... "You're telling me, goddess."

A romance sim needs the matchmaker? "Commodore Bear gave her the highest recommendation." Well, if you want my opinion- "Excuse me! I am tryingk to conduct a business transaction here! Now, vhat do you heff for me, Miss Anne?" "Three counterfeit pearls, two crayons, and a real Russian rocket." "You're much more generous zhan your grandfader ever vas."

"Gah! You like totally brought me the town freak! I want my rocket back!" "You get vhat you pay for. Try talkingk to him. You might just like him."

"Oh, pay no attention to him, Tosh. That's just my little brother. He's no one special." "Watch dat tone of voice, Ed." "Sorry Jack."

"Isn't my girl hot, Jack?" "Eh, she's okay, Ed. Now go look for aliens." "Aww... do I have to?" "Are yez questioning my authority, Ed?" "Sorry."

"Looking for aliens really isn't so bad! They haven't found me yet! And probably they never will!" I downloaded a more frequent abductions hack. "Can you please send me to college soon? I'll give you everything including my firstborn tiger." Soon. You'll be free of Jack soon. "Oh, thank you!" Now get back to stargazing. "Aaah!"

"Listen, Cory, I like don't think this is going to work out..." "Anne, my face is up here." "What? Oh, right. Anyway, if you cut back on the black makeup, maybe joined the football team... then there might be a future for us. But I'm totally shallow and you're a dork. So I'm afraid this is goodbye. Don't call me!"

Aaaah! Stupid bear... stop changing! "Caught ye by surprise, love?" The bear isn't talking. The bear isn't talking. "You keep telling yourself that, mate."

"So. Tosha. How's things between you and my brother." "Oh, pretty good. Eddie is so brilliant and intellectual."

"Oh look, Ed's getting abducted by aliens?"

"What? Where?"

"Hey! You're trying to cheat!" "It's not cheating when I does it, Tosh. It's creative gameboard management." "Well, don't do it again!"

"Ed really is trying to meet aliens, you know."

"You're such a liar, Jack. Eddie knows perfectly well there's no such thing as aliens. We're going to be working together to great the first true sentient non-human life. We're going to make sentient tigers." "Oh joy. He's infected yez with his weirdness too."

"Anyway, our world is the only one that exists so how could their be aliens?" "What about the rest of the solar system?" "Um, we're just animated pixels in a computer screen. Our world is limited to the goddess' hard drive."

"Listen, you stop spouting the crazy talk and I won't shave your head." "You're a jerk, Jack." "I try my best, toots."

"So anyway, about those aliens..."

"Enough with the aliens!" I think you're starting to annoy her, Jack. "Rum, goddess." Oh, stuff it. I much prefer my Bailey's & hot chocolate, anyway.

"Aliens, you can just stay up there in your cosy little spaceships, mmkay?"

Whatcha doin', Alan? "What does it look like, goddess?" It looks like you're fixing the tub. "Well, that's NOT what I'm doing. I got a tip that counterfeit pearls were being smuggled onto the island through the plumbing system."

Even after so many days together, Mary and Alan are still in love.

They share one thing in common, at least - a deep and abiding love of contraband rum.

"Make it a double, Mary." "You got it, love."

"So, I think I'm starting to get close on that rocket smuggling ring." "That be right clever of you, love." "I'm starting to think the Simselves might be involved." "I think ye need to be lookin' closer to home, aye?" "What do you mean, Mary?" "Ohh... nevermind."

Oh Jack. How could you. "She's the prettiest girl at school, goddess. And mafia dons always have gorgeous trophy wives." But Anne hates her. They're rivals on the cheering squad. "All the better."

"Like what are you doing on our property, tramp?" "Jack totally invited me, Anne, so you just have to deal with it. Seriously." "Whatever! You are so going down at the cheerleader tryouts tomorrow." "Like, never! I'm definitely going to be the captain of the squad." "No way! That spot is totally mine. I'll out-cheer you any day!"

"In conclusion, you and your totally trashy pink fishnets can just stay away from my twin brother!"

"Hey Jack, don't you think you should rescue Meadow from Anne?" "Any girl of mine needs to be able to take care of herself, Ed. Besides, I've got a camcorder set up out there so I can sell videos of them cat fighting. I'll make a fortune!"

*sniffle* "That girl is so totally going down. Jack is totally going to be the legacy heir and I'm totally going to be his trophy wife. Anne can go and start her own legacy if she wants to be pampered. I'm totally taking over this one." We'll see...

Eddie? "Yes, goddess?" You can move to college now. "Oh, thank you! Finally, I'm free from Jack!" For a while, anyway. He'll be a few terms behind you. "Can Tosh come too?" Ohh.... what the heck. Sure.

"Woohoo, here I come!" I thought you were going to college in pursuit of a higher education. "That too, goddess. That too."

"Bye Eddie... see you in a few years!"

"I do NOT see why a Queen must do her own homework. Anne! Come do my homework for me! I command it!" "Sorry, squirt... you're like the youngest and that means you have to do your own homework." "Nuts."

"So, Meadow, what's your plan for dealing with my twin?" "Jack, I am so campaigning for you for legacy heir. That is like the perfect revenge. Anne has to move out and I get to move in." "That works for me, toots. As long as you don't harm my sister. Capisce?" "Got it, Jack."

"Now, what say you and me spend a little one-on-one time and plan the future of our crime family?" "Oh Jack, you're so romantic!" *giggle*

"Give me some sugar, baby." Jack even manages to take the romance out of a first kiss. Anyway, that's it for this chapter. I'll be putting up an heir poll on boolprop.com so click sideways for a review of your choices!

Heir choice #1: Edward (Eddie) Buccanneer Personality: 4/10/1/10/7 Aspiration: Knowledge LTW: Max 7 Skills Goal in Life: Create a tiger/human hybrid. Become a tiger/human hybrid.

Heir choice #2: Anne Buccaneer Personality: 4/10/4/4/3 Aspiration: Romance LTW: Celebrity Chef Goal in Life: Become captain of the cheerleading squad.

Heir choice #3: Jack Buccaneer (Jr.) Personality: 4/10/9/4/1 Aspiration: Knowledge LTW: Max 7 Skills Goal in Life: Expand his current vast criminal enterprise even further.

Heir choice #4: Ivy Buccaneer Personality: 4/10/4/4/3 Aspiration: Grow Up LTW: Unknown Goal in Life: Become the Galactic Overlord Queen of the Cosmos ----->

Jack? "Yes, goddess?" What are you doing? "Trying to meet the aliens. What does it look like?" Sigh. Knowledge Sims. Good luck with that. "When I find them, I'll be expanding my criminal syndicate out of this world!"

Uhh... yeah. On that lovely note, I'll finally end this chapter. Happy Simming! Simselves that Appeared in this Chapter Candi: Writes the Uglacy, the Prettacy, a hilarious Asylum Challenge, and currently Gage's Bachelor Challenge PikaKyle: Say Goodbye Sims! (Apocalypse Legacy) smoothiequeen87, aka Marina: Fitzhugh Legacy EphemeralToast: Apocalypso A-Go-Go! rachelgrey: Literary Legacy smartypants210: Az Alphabet Legacy Blite27: Ten Caesars Legacy