Chapter 1 – Not Tortuga!

Originally Published January 1, 2007

Welcome to a whole new Legacy, started by me. I'm using Pinstar's new rules (www.legacychallenge.com). I needed a bit of a break from my other legacy (hint! go read it too!) and thought this would be a fun diversion! As for who I am ... well, I might make a guest appearance in future chapters, but not this one! Anyway, on with the, erm, show...

Meet Captain Jack ... Buccaneer.

Name: Jack Buccaneer Aspiration: Pleasure LTW: Fifty 1st Dates Personality: 0/7/8/7/3

"Buccaneer? And just what kind of name is that, mate?"

That's your name, Jack.

"Ah - Captain Jack!"

Sorry. Captain Jack. Anyway, that's your last name.

"I don't know where you get your information, mate, but the last name that I prefer to use is Sp-"

Yes, but that's copyright infringement.

"I think there's something wrong in your belfry, mate."

Just tell the story, Captain.

"You call this a couch, mate?" It's got a secret compartment for the rum, Captain. "Ahh... so that's where the rum went. How do I open it?" Tell the story first and maybe I'll let you know. "Have it your way, mate. But there's not much to tell. Me crew, ah, mutinied and left me for dead on this forsaken island, which is most emphatically not Tortuga as I'd requested, and here I be with barely a penny to me name, surrounded by very strange natives."

"Me crew left me with a few o' me possessions, and the natives - who seem to regard me as some sort of deity, I might add - have left the rest for me while I sleep." It's a tough life, isn't it, Captain. "You have no idea, mate."

I see you've managed to build a crude sort of shelter. You have entertainment. Isn't that enough? "Not really, mate. See, I've also been cursed, savvy?" Cursed. Do tell. "Well, it seems that I have suddenly developed a deep and abiding desire to wine and dine at least fifty of this filthy little island's inhabitants." And? "So I tell the village leaders of my situation, and how I don't belong here in the slightest because, as you can see, there is a major deficiency of rum. And they start bowing down to me and offering me flowers and food, mate. Seems the word 'rum' is a holy word in their language, and only a deity can even say it, savvy? So they threw this big party for me, mate, with the women and the dancing and music. 'Twas quite the occasion... and then they made me their chief!" Really. "I tells it like it happens, mate."

"... and then they says that a messenger will come in the morning, mate, and there he is now!" You realize that as their chief you have to breed a line of chieftans to come, right, Captain? "If you think I'm going to spend the rest of my life here, mate, you've got another thing coming." Just greet the paperboy. "He's not made of paper, mate." Ha. Ha. Ha.

"And what is a fine gentleman like yourself doing out on such a wretched little island this fine morning?" Play nice, Jack. "Captain!" Sorry, Captain. "Uhh... Chief Captain Jack, I've been sent by the tribal elders to find out what you want to do to earn your keep." "Earn my keep, mate?" "Well, even the chief pays taxes."

"As chief of this island, I decree that there shall be no more taxes. Savvy?" "It doesn't work that way here, Chief Captain Jack. See, this here island is a Democracy." "What the heck is a democracy?" Several long, painful moments pass as both the paperboy and I attempt to teach Jack- "Captain!" -Captain Jack about democracy. "Bah, this is a stupid conversation anyway. I'll find a job for meself if you leave me that newspaper thing you keep waving around. You might want to watch where you point that thing, mate. It could be loaded."

Another native! Jack, you should really introduce yourself. "Fine! You're a bit of a slavedriver, mate... whatever you are. Conscience, mental disorder, deity... meself, I prefer not to have voices in me head, mate." Deity... I like that... but fine. I'll be silent observer from this point onward. If you don't mind a little narration when the dialogue gets slow. "That'll be fine, mate!" Hmph.

"The name's Captain Jack Sp... Buccaneer, love. And who might you be?" "Christy Stratton! *giggle* Wowee! I've actually met the chief! My friends are going to think this is so cool!" "Ahh... how old are you, love? If you don't mind me askin'?" "Thirty-seven! *giggle* Why do you ask?"

"Ohhh... never mind, love. Why don't you come in, make yourself comfortable?" "Okay! I think a few more of the tribe members are going to stop by later too!" *giggle* "Are they all like you, love?" "No, everyone always says I'm special and unique!" *giggle* "That's a relief."

"Sandwich, love?" "No thanks! *giggle* I'm on a diet!" "Are all of the islanders this insane? Well?" Oh, I'm sorry. Was that directed at me? I thought you wanted me to go away! "You're laughing right now, aren't you, mate." Maybe.

And before long, some more villagers arrived with visions of higher education dancing in their heads. Of course they scattered before the narrator/photographer could get a good picture. "That's a ruddy awful picture, mate." When I want criticism, I'll ask for it, Captain.

"Hello fellow islanders! And how are things this bright sunny day on this slimepit of an island?" Captain Jack spent most of the rest of the morning befriending his new neighbors. He learned that he was the only one living on this part of the island due to the packs of wild animals that also roamed here. "That's very reassuring, mate." "It's the traditional home for the chiefs!" Marisa explained. "It proves they're worthy of being chiefs if they can survive up here without any help. Anyway, so I hear you're looking for a wife?" "Am I, love?" "Well, one of your duties as chief is producing a lasting bloodline." "Whatever you say, love."

"That Marisa is one fine piece of blond meat." Jack, stop swooning. You'll ruin your image as a ladykiller. "Me reputation speaks for itself, mate. Me actions have no bearing on it." Tell that to your legions of devoted fans, Jack.

Who knew that music could be such a contentious topic?

"And so what you're trying to say, Ben, is that I need a portrait o' meself before I make that final trip down into Davy Jones' locker?" "I-I think so, Chief Captain Jack." "Immortalized forever in artwork, mate? You islanders certainly come up with the most novel ideas of any civilization I've ever encountered."

"Like, listen! *giggle* I saw him first, Brandi! I'm going to be Chief Captain Jack's wife! Or at least his concubine!" "Ow! Christy, you're a moron. You can have him! 'Cause he's a moron too!" "You're just jealous that he likes me better than you!" *giggle*

Captain Jack decided that it would be best to ignore Brandi and Christy as they fought over who would get to be his wife, so he finally examined the newspaper that Derek had dropped off.

*snicker* "Chief Captain Jack actually washes his dishes!" *snort* "Really? What a loser!" "I can hear you, mates." "Uh, we were just saying how wise you were to clean up leftover food, Chief Captain Jack! We've got some nasty flies around these parts. They like to dine on human flesh!" "Ah, so you've heard of mosquitos then, love?"

"What do you say, love? You, me, a pair of feather shackles?" "You have some very strange customs, Chief Captain Jack." "It was worth a try."

"Where I come from, love, we have this other custom..."

"So what do you say, love? All in the spirit of island fellowship, ay? I think I can get me hands on some rum..."

"No thanks, Chief Captain Jack. I, uh, have to go home and wash my hair."

"Why are you still watching, mate? Can't you see I'm trying to have a bath?" There's a perfectly functional shower in the hut, Captain Jack. "What, and get water all over me hair and mess my dreads? I'm not using that shower until I find me hat. I had it at the party where they made me chief... haven't seen it since. Have you seen it, mate?"

The next day, Jack decided to start on his conquest of the local villagers when Marisa randomly stopped by to visit again. Date #1: Marisa Bendett

What with the various bodily functions being shared, it was actually somewhat successful.

"How can you blame me for that, love? Aren't chiefs above such crude humor?" "Oh Chief Captain Jack, you're so funny!" "So, about those handcuffs then, love..." "I'm going home!" "Well, it was worth a try."

"Hello Chief Captain Jack! My name eez Shanna Wood und I em a Gypsy Matchmaker. I haff bin sent by ze tribal elders to help you vit your qvest to haff fifty first dates." "Well, you're a sight for sore eyes then, mate. I hadn't quite figured my way around the problem of dating fifty islanders when I only know six yet. I prefer my women tall, well-kept, blond, willing to experiment... no grey hair, no uptight snobs... savvy?" "Ze qvality depends on how much you pay me, Chief Captain Jack." "I have a couple of seashells and a wine cork, mate." "I see."

Date #2: Allison Lam "You're a wee bit on the grey and wrinkly side, love..." "Of all the nerve! I don't have to take this kind of abuse! I'm leaving!"

Somewhat discouraged by his lack of success at first try, Captain Jack dismissed the matchmaker and tried to banish all memory of Allison from his mind by finding the rum stash. To celebrate, he spent the rest of the evening bouncing on the couch. Suddenly, he remembered just where he'd found the rum stash. The rest of the evening was spent lamenting.

Ever anxious to expand his sphere of influence, Captain Jack stopped to chat with nearly every islander who walked past his hut. Since his hut was at the highest peak of the island and surrounded by ravening wolves, he didn't have much variety in who walked past.

Captain Jack soon decided that he needed a proper home so that he wouldn't have to sleep outside.

"A fence might be handy too, mate!"

Jack soon came to appreciate the cultural expressions of the islanders. They appreciated his attempts to learn their traditional dances, but suggested that he try before he tasted the firewine or the honeybeer.

"Like, hi!" *giggle* "I never forget a giggle. You'd be Christy, love?" "You, like, remembered my name!" *giggle* "Oh, I'm going to pay for this later." *sigh* Just get it over with, Captain. "So... you, me, a romantic evening, candlelight, canoodling... savvy?" "Ohmigosh you like totally just asked me out didn't you? Squee!" "I've never heard a human make that particular vocalization, love, but ... I think so?"

Date #3: Christy Stratton Jack's third date didn't go very well from his point of view because Christy was so annoying.

Still, he gave her a few pity kisses to ensure he kept his reputation. "Oh, like Chief Captain Jack! Swoon!" "You just tell all the lovely ladies down at the bottom of the hill how wonderful I am and maybe we can have another date, savvy?" "I'll, like, tell them everything!" *giggle*

After his disasterous attempt at dating via the Matchmaker, Captain Jack decided to venture down the hill and into the center of the island to meet more of the natives.

He looked for a woman to settle down with, but he didn't really fancy any of them very much.

And then... he saw her from across the crowded bar. A kindred soul, someone who also felt lost on the giant island. Before they ever spoke, a connection ran between them. Their eyes met. Talk to me... is what the mystery woman's eyes said to Captain Jack. He headed in her direction. "The name's Jack, Captain Jack," he said. "Je m'appelle Elise," the blond vision replied. "Ah, bonjour Elise," Captain Jack said. "Je m'excuse un moment?" "Oui." "Stop with the sappy narration, mate. I can handle this one. She's French! I speak French! She's blond! I like blonds! If I have to procreate on this miserable little rock I can do it without any assistance, savvy?" Whatever you say, Captain Jack.

Jack spent the next several days speaking French very badly with Elise. She had learned English from the islanders after she was shipwrecked, though, so they were able to communicate.

Date #4: Elise GilsCarbo "Elise, love, so glad you could make it to me 'umble abode." "Zis ees your home, Jacques?" "Me real home is aboard the Black Pearl, love. This is more my temporary accomodation." "Eet ees very ... ah ... rustic, Jacques."

"So what do you say, love? You, me, a little song and dance?" "Jacques! I am 'orrified at zee implication zat I am so easy to satisfy. I need zee romance, zee mystery... and zee many dates. No 'ugs on zee first date."

Captain Jacqu- erm, Jack, was progressing fairly highly in his career as swindler of the islanders' fortunes. While he'd robbed most of them of all their worldly possessions, he hadn't actually met many of them face-to-face, so he kept a lookout for the ones who walked past his property. "Cheef Captin Jack! So nice to meetcha! I'm Goopy! Goopy GilsCarbo!" "You wouldn't happen, by any chance, to be related to Elise GilsCarbo, would you?" "Elise? No way! It's just weird how our names are so similar! Hey, do you think she'd go out with me?" "Ahh..."

Captain Jack conned Goopy into doing the household chores. In the meantime...

Date #5: Marylena Hamilton the First "Boy, Chief Captain Jack, that was the shortest date I've ever had!" "Sort but sweet, love. Tell all your friends, savvy?"

Date #6: Trista Jalowitz "Boy, Chief Captain Jack, you sure are a lot of fun for a five minute date!" "I hear it's called speed dating, love... the next big thing, savvy?"

"I just wanted to thank you for being such a nice, good, kind, gentle Chief," Trista added. "No hands on the goods, love."

Again somewhat discouraged, Captain Jack sent the matchmaker on her way and hung out with Goopy for the rest of the evening. "So I said to her, willya go out with me, Countess?" "And what, pray tell, was her response, mate?" "Well, we would have had a real good time but I tripped over my feet and when I got out of the hospital she was gone, Captin." "A sad tale of woe, to be sure."

"Gee, Cheef Captin Jack, I think you have a bit of a wolf problem." "Ah yes, the ravening hordes," Captain Jack said. "They're fairly harmless... I think."

That night, Captain Jack dreamed again of Elise. Though he'd dated several villagers by this point, she was still the only one who made his heart flutter. Or perhaps that was the shrimp he'd eaten down in the village. Either way, she was on his mind a lot.

"Capitaine Jacques!" Elise cried, and rushed over to embrace the Captain. "Eet has been so long seence I 'ave seen you!" "That's called playing hard to get, love," Captain Jack grinned. "So, what do you say? You, me, this island, foreveruntilIfindthePearl?"

"Oh yes, Capitaine Jacques! And when you find zee Pearl I will be your Pirate Queen! Oh, I see you found your 'at!"

"Jacques, for all you proclaim to be a man of zee world, you still don't know 'ow to danse very well." "Sorry 'bout that, love."

Ah, true love. It can even make cars fly.

"Elise, me love, don't go back to the village. Move in with me!" "Oh, Jacques, I thought you'd never ask!"

Elise brought with her quite the quantity of cash and goods, as well, so Captain Jack was able to hire some villagers from down the hill to build a proper home for her. "The wolves on the bed were getting to be a bit tiresome as well, mate." Sure. You just did it to get away from the wolves. Uh huh.

A proposal soon followed. "Oh, Jacques! Where did you find zis lovely ring on zis slimy little rock?" "Ahh... it washed up." "Eet is lovely! Eet ees just like zee one zee Gypsy Lady lost last month!"

"And with the power vested in me by the fact that I'm the only ship's captain on this barren little rock, I now pronounce us husband and wife. Savvy?" "Such a romantic ceremony, Jacques." Name: Elise GilsCarbo Aspiration: Fortune LTW: Business Tycoon Personality: 6/5/8/3/3

Captain Jack was earning a tidy sum of money from his on-island illegal operations so he hired an islander to clean the house. Goopy didn't come over often enough to do it for him.

"You put zee 'at on zee 'ead and zhen you tell zee machine zee lies and if eet can tell you are lying, eet will give you zee shock!" "Are you sure this is safe, love?"

"Aaaaaah! Okay, so they didn't all bow down and worship me and name me god-emperor of the high seas, okay? Sorry, mate! Ow!"

Captain Jack also worked hard on his physical strength. Being a criminal chieftan was physically strenuous. And being in good shape meant he could run away faster. "Sometimes running is the wisest course of action, mate."

"Jacques, zat is zee silliest chair I 'ave ever seen." "Mister Bearlybutts is comfy, love. Savvy?"

Once Elise was settled and had adopted traditional pirate garb for all activities, she attempted to teach Jack how to smustle. The smustle is a local dance perfected by the islanders. Jack tried many times to get it right but never really got the hang of it. Elise, though, was a champion.

"I don't see why I couldn't bring the handcuffs, love..."

"Oh! I am enceinte! And in such a 'orrible dress!" The dress is temporary. The other one doesn't show the baby bump. "Jacques! Why ees zhere a voice in my 'ead telling me sings?" "I think it's just a twisted sort of conscience, love." Hey!

One of Elise's first contributions to the household after she got pregnant was her attempt to cook breakfast.

Fortunately, the island had a very advanced and sophisticated fire response. "It's eerie how much technology this primitive island society has, mate." You're telling me, Jack. "Captain!" Captain.

"Jacques, you should really throw away zee paper when you are done with eet," Elise scolded.

"Jacques! Get your rear end in zis room right now! Zee baby ees coming! And eet is all your fault and I need to break your legs for doing this to meeeee!"

Meet Elisabeth Buccaneer. She has pretty much everything from her father except for her nose (probably), which looks more like her mother's - at least, as an infant! Elisabeth Swan is one of the characters in Pirates of the Caribbean, which is also the movie that inspired the founder of this Legacy. Elisabeth is fascinated with pirates even as a small child but soon finds out that they're not nearly as romantic or honorable as she'd once believed them to be when a crew of cursed zombie pirates captures her. Through much derring-do she is saved and turns pirate herself to rescue her true love, Will Turner.

"You turn your back on your coworkers for one moment and suddenly they're robbing you blind. I don't know what this world is coming to, mate." Jack, you are a thief. So are your coworkers. You do the math...

"Jacques, I do not know where you found zis buffoon 'Komei' but please ask 'im to go 'ome! 'e ees waking Elisabeth! And 'e is annoying me!"

Both Elise and Jack are very good parents almost to the point of being annoying. The only thing they won't do willingly is change diapers, but they can be 'convinced' to do even that. And their work schedules are such that a nanny isn't necessary... for now.

"Ooo! Zee milk will make you grow delicate and strong, Elisabeth! And you will be a lady! I will send you back to my parents in France so you can get an education in 'ow a lady be'aves in polite company and you will marry zee French nobleman!"

"Soon as you learn how to walk, sweets, we're teaching you how to use a toilet, savvy?"

"So how'd you like a taste of rum in your milk, sweets?" "Jacques!" "Sorry, love. Forget I said anything!"

"Eeeeeeew! Definitely no rum for you, sweets, if you can't even hold your milk!"

"Ah, zee cake I ordered from Paris 'as arrived just in time for Elisabeth's birt'day!" "Waiiiit... you mean we can contact Europe, love, and you haven't told me?" "I thought you knew, Jacques!" I knew!

Sometimes pictures just don't need captions. I mean, there's Elise, in a peasant farmerwoman dress, wearing a tricorn hat, and blowing on a noisemaker. It defies description.

"Elise, love, I hope your daughter grows into some of her looks or she's going to fit right in with the islanders, if you get my drift." "Jacques, be nice! She ees your daughter too! She ees adorable!"

"Elise, are you sure this is the best way to train your daughter to use the potty?" "Just let 'er do what comes naturally, Jacques!"

"Okay, but I still think something's not quite right..."

"Now zat Elisabeth ees a little bigger, I want to 'ave our next child right away so I can get rid of zees 'orrible dress!" "Fine with me, love!"

*Hurk* "Perhaps I should not 'ave been so 'asty?" Poor Elise was horribly morning sick with baby #2.

And Jack didn't help with the constant flatulence! Bah, sloppy sims...

Elise wasn't far enough along to be staying home from work yet so Jack decided to call up the Gypsy. He was still sitting at only 6 dates and he'd had a strong desire for 10 since before Elisabeth was born. "What'll two rocks and a flower petal get me, mate?"

Date #7: Beverly McArthur "You mean I haven't even stopped seeing stars yet and we're done already? Humph!"

Date #8: Crystal Kalson "Ow! I think I cracked my glasses!" "Then you'd better hurry on home, love... sorry!" "Geez, this was a lousy date!"

Date #9: Jaiden Fuchs "How about we head on over to my restaurant, Chief Captain Jack?" "Ahh... not this time, love. It's been swell. I'll call you, don't call me. Savvy?"

Ahh... the lovely glitch. Somehow Elise reset to the culinary career (which she had when she moved in) and back to 29 days left. It took some work with the Insimenator to fix her back up... and of course, only AFTER I noticed she'd been promoted to restauranteur instead of President!

"Say it with me now, sweets... what are you going to be when you grow up?" "A lady!" "A lady pirate!" "No, daddy, a lady!"

"Nooo! I 'ave to keep working to support zee family and my addiction to expensive paintings!"

"This is almost as bad as cleaning the bilges, mate." Almost? "Nothing's that bad, mate."

"Jacques! I am 'aving zee nightmare where I am wearing zee 'orrible clothes again!" "You're awake, love..." "Noooo! 'ow ees zis possible?" Stupid Maxis maternity wear popping up in the oddest places.

"Eet ees important for a lady to 'ave good 'ygeine, Elisabeth." "Why, mama!" "So she does not smell like zee islanders!"

"Oh blessed device of shockiness, you keep me going, you know that. If only you could give me a shot of rum while you did your magic, mate..."

Elise, why are you making that sodding enormous bird? "Eet is Jacques' and my anniversary today!" Awww... that's so sweet!

Uhh... Elise?

Oh. Jack! "Jacques! Get in 'ere NOW!" "I'm coming, love... what is it?" "Zee baby ees being born!" "Aaah!"

*sniffle* "I'm not gonna be da baby no more." Aww... poor little Elisabeth. And that's where this chapter is ending! There will be another up fairly shortly, I hope! I'll post credits for the CC in my blog shortly! In the meanwhile, check out www.boolprop.com to find out when I've updated and, when the time comes, for the heir poll. Not yet for that, though! It's been a slice, so check back often and happy Simming!