Chapter 5 – Book ‘em, Al-o

Welcome back to the much-anticipated, long-delayed (okay, ten days), newest chapter of A Piratical Legacy. To give you a brief run-down, this legacy was founded by none other than Captain Jack ... Buccaneer. Captain Jack married the lovely French lady, Elise, and they had two daughters together - Elisabeth and Mary. While Elisabeth and Mary were at university in fair Paris, Elise and Jack had a third child, Celeste.

A few wandering Simselves have also made appearances on Captain Jack's remote island. Here we see my fellow Boolpropian smartypants210 (aka smrtypnts210play, aka Amanda) in the blue, author of the Az Alphabet Legacy. Amanda is talking to Blite27, author of the Ten Caesars legacy. Staring at Blite27 as though he's crazy is redhead ShiraBlank... aka ThornedRosexXx, and rounding our the crowd is rachelgrey, aka wonderwoman1790, aka Gracie. She writes the Literary Legacy.

When we last left our characters, Elisabeth had just married the man of her dreams, Shannon Toyonaga, and Mary had just moved back home to the island, determined to carry on in her father's piratical footsteps. "Its me 'eritage, mate!" And are you going to be a good pirate or a bad pirate, Mary? "Just wait and see, mate."

"Stupid Legacy sims and their refusal to remodel... I can't reach the bed behind this crib! Excuse me!" It doesn't matter how long you wave, Kaylynn. The crib is not going to magically disappear.

"Listen, kid, you're going to have to move out as soon as you're a teen, right?" "Vo gerbits!" "That's right, mate. College! See, I needs the space... I want lots of babies, savvy?" "Woohoo!" "It's very disturbing to hear you say that, kiddo." "Woohoo!" "Okay, that's enough."

Mary moved in her true love, Alan. That would be Alan Goss, not the other one. You did move in the right one, Mary... didn't you?" "Of course, goddess! Other-Alan is blond anyway. And plus when he sees me he slaps me, aye?"

I see bridesmaids... Mary? "Time to get married, goddess." I see... and who have you invited? "Just some college buddies, my sister, and a few Simselves... should be pretty laid-back and mellow." Whatever you say, Mary...

Seriously, have you guys ever seen a born-in-game as pretty as Mary? Her husband is pretty hot too! Alan, you can come over and visit my Simself anytime! "Uhh... Mary, I can hear this strange voice..." "You get used to it, love." Stats: Alan Goss Personality: 4/10/4/4/3 Aspiration: Popularity LTW: Captain Hero

"And that's for having the same name as other-Alan!" It's hardly his fault, Mary...

And the entire wedding decides to toast the bride and groom... ... repeatedly ...

Oops! You go, sorority girl! Umm... I didn't mean that literally! "Haha! That batty doll just had an accident, if you know what I mean... savvy?" Jack... it's not nice to laugh. "Captain!" Captain.

"Why thank you, Candi. I think your Legacy is awesome too! And yes, I would definitely get in a hot tub with Gage. Why do you ask?" * Marina, aka smoothiequeen87, writes the Fitzhugh Legacy. ** Candi020765 writes the Uglacy and the Prettacy.

"So... whatcha wanna do, Mary?" "Well, it be our wedding night, love." "Yeah, isn't that cool! I met so many people! I hope I get to be friends with all of them! Hey, do you think those simselves would get mad if I called them?" "You want to call them now, mate?" "Is there something else you think we should be doing, Mary?" ... and the Legacy family gets its first real taste of pure stupidity...

And so begins the chapter I call the "blank stare" period. Alan. What are you doing? "Admiring the wallpaper, strange voice. Hey, want to be my friend?"

"Time for bed, little sister. Savvy?" "You talk stwange, Mawwy And you weally kind of haiwy." "What is this, poetry?" "I rhyme my words so I am heawd." This family is insane.

Whatcha doing, Alan? "Admiring the wallpaper, strange voice. Hey, want to be my friend?" No.

Alan... why are you standing around outside in your underwear? "Admiring the ground, strange voice. Hey, want to be my friend?" Aaaah!

"I don't see why I have to be the one to take care of my little sister, mate." Consider it practice, Mary. "Eh?" I have a dream, Mary. A dream of you, and Alan... and fulfilling that Ten Children want I'm sure you'll spin up after kid number four or thereabouts. "Sounds like a bloody nightmare, mate."

Wondering who the father is, Mary? "Oh be quiet, goddess. Urk!" Hey... just 'cause I've never experienced it myself... gives me every right to poke fun of you. Repeatedly.

"Goddess, zis door ees een my way!" You seem to have dealt with the situation, Elise. "Zis ees not natural!"

"Grr! Roar! Growl! Oh how my soul howls! My bunny is my fwiend, My furry, lonely, fwiend. My life is a black waste, When I eat paste." Great. A toddler goth.

Elise spends a lot of her free time painting these days, possibly because she only works four days a week and still wants to earn money. "Money brings 'appiness, goddess!" Really? "Non."

That's a nice look you have going there, Mary. "I'm a space pirate, mate!" I ... see. "Me crew and meself, we sail the depths of space lookin' for plunder! Arr!" Somehow, Mary, you're not nearly as convincing as your father is. "Arr! Zat be because zee français accent keeps tryin' to sneak out, mate! Very annoying... savvy?" Oy. Forget I said anything.

"Who's daddy's little goth pirate, aye?" "Daddy, pwease, I am only free, Much too small To put all My eggs in one basket. In other wowds, It would be absuwd For me to choose My wifewong views. Savvy?" "Daddy doesn't know whether to be proud or scared, kiddo. Aye?" That makes two of us, Captain Jack.

In Celeste's bedroom, Kaylynn's frustrations continue. "Okay, Chief Captain Jack, you really need to let me at that bed before I pull a muscle here." "You better not be billing me for all the time you spend wavin' yer 'ands, mate." She is, Jack. "Why you.. no good ... lazy ... wench! Arr!"

"Listen, Chief Captain, if you just moved the framming crib..." "Out! Out I say! But make sure you're on time tomorrow, savvy?" "This job doesn't pay nearly enough..." "Could you pwease keep your voices down? If I don't have my nap you'll all fwown!" Eep! Toddler threats!

Gee, Captain, must be nice knowing you can bounce on the couch safely again. "That bar thing on the deck be the best invention I've ever seen, mate!"

Ah. I see. Very efficient. "Me daughter picked the colors, though, mate." That explains the lurid pink, then. "Ahh... no, mate." No? "I wanted to order the one that's all pink but Mary, she put 'er foot down and said we must order the one with the fancy wood trim. Savvy?"

Jack! I know Elise's leg is already gone but really... I don't think that's good for her arm!

"I am too old to 'ave zee toddler child! Oui?" Oh, chill, Elise. It's not like I didn't take into consideration your advanced age when I clicked 'try for a baby'. "You are zee cruel, sadistic deity, goddess." I try.

Yes, Alan has been in the house for several days now and of course rolled up the want to be friends with every single inhabitant. He decied to approach his mother-in-law first.

As you can see, it's not going well. "Zis eediot keeps trying to talk about 'ow fascinating zee walls are! Kill me, goddess! Kill me now!" Oh come on, Elise. He's not that bad. And he's smokin' good looking. "What good do looks do eef zere ees not'ing between 'is ears?" "I can hear you, you know." That's a good boy, Alan. Now go into the corner and color a pretty picture.

It's a ... pregnancy! "Yes, but this 'maternity' outfit has to go, mate." *sigh* Fine...

"You are kidding, right?"

"Alan, I love you. Now don't you think you should get a job, mate?" "What? Oh, you mean me. Not other Alan." "Other Alan doesn't live here, love." "I know that! Geez, Mary, I'm not stupid! Anyway, what were we talking about?" "Ohh... shut up and kiss me, aye?"

*sigh* Mary. Why is Elise lecturing you? *mumble**mumble* What was that? You'll have to speak up. *mutter* "Broke the trash compactor again, mate."

Ah. How nice of Elise to fix it for you. "Eet 'as not'ing to do wit' being nice, goddess. My daughter ees pregnant and cannot risk being electrocuted." Right.

Now who needs a lecture, Elise? "Eet ees not my fault!" That looks like your chilli... "Eet ees not what it looks like!" Sure... I think you owe Mary an apology, Elise. "Since when?" Blah. Sims.

Wow... Elisabeth, you're as big as a house! "Eet ees all baby, I can assure you!"

And here we can see that Mary has finally settled on a maternity outfit. That's a relief - I figured she'd be walking around in pajamas the whole pregnancy if I didn't find something she liked soon. (The dress is a recolor of the Maxis sundress and yes it does show the pregnancy bump for those of you with the wear-anything-while-pregnant hack. I colored it and my husband did a quick and dirty texture.) But wait... is that a Simself I see? That could only mean one thing...

"So, I'm pregnant. And it's all because Alan moved in, mate." Ehh... that's actually not where I was going with the Simself angle...

That's right! It's a birthday! Celeste is almost one step closer to being out of the house!

... and she ages into completely un-gothy pink clothes. "My clothes are my rebellion Against the darkness surging within me Because real Goths wear pink anyway." ...on the other hand, maybe the scary pink-ness is appropriate.

"So listen, Candi, you 'ave been a Legacy writer for a long time. Will zee goddess ever play me enough so zat I can stop being perma-pregnant?" "Oh, it sucks to be a Legacy sim, doesn't it, Elisabeth?" "Zat ees not an answer, Candi!" It's part of the non-disclosure agreement all Legacy writers sign before they can upload, Elisabeth. "Actually, Sarah, that statement is a breach of the agreement as well, if I remember correctly..." Frammit.

"Oh the hideous tangerine madness that is my pregnant body, mate!" I think it looks lovely with the purple decor in your bedroom, Mary. "Sarcasm ain't always funny, mate."

What? But Alan-the-cop doesn't have to be at work for hours yet!

Ohhh... Alan and Mary have adopted a cat. Her name is Roux, which I let her keep because it sounded oddly appropriate and Frenchish.* *yes, I am aware there is no such word as Frenchish.

"My soul soars On wings of black oblivion As I bounce on my bed. The mattress pokes me Because of my jumping. It gives me no comfort at night."

Bad! Bad Roux! --Listen, lady, I don't take no orders from you! Fully autonomous pixelated cat here. Ha!-- And of course the entire family would happen to be busy or sleeping.... *sigh* --Well do you think I'm stupid? Of course I'm going to be bad when nobody's around! It's how cats do things. As soon as you leave for work or go to bed, we jump on the kitchen table and counters, sleep on your pillows, and eat your plants. It's all part of the Code.-- I don't think I want to know.

Whatcha doin', Alan? "Contemplating the diamonds on the wall." Alan. You're in the kitchen. It has checks and roosters. And stucco. "If you turn your head a little, square checks are diamonds." If you say so. Anyway, why don't you tell us about your new job, Alan? "I'm a cop! Crime on this island is about to be a thing of the past."

Oh? "Yeah... between me and Shannon, we'll have this place cleaned up in no time." I ... actually am speechless at the thought of you and your brother-in-law as the be-all and end-all of crimefighting on the island, actually. "Thanks!"

Uhh... Mary... I don't think that's good for the baby. "It's just bubbles, mate." If you say so...

"Allo Monsieur 'Eadmaster!" "Hellew Mistress Buccaneah. My, what a fehne ... outfit ... you are wearing." "Oui! Eet ees zee most expensive bat'ing suit zis island 'as to offer!" "I ... see."

*in a voice several octaves higher than usual* "Mary! The 'eadmaster be 'ere! Stop exercising and entertain 'im, savvy?" "For the last time, daddy, I will not do anything Commodore Bear tells me to do." "Why not, sweets?" "I outrank him." And yes, Celeste was accepted into private school. I think the headmaster just wanted to escape.

"The next time we have a kid, mate, you get to give birth, savvy?"

Welcome to the world, Edward Buccaneer! Edward "Blackbeard" Teach is one of the best-know pirates of all time. He operated in the Caribbean during the "Golden Age of Piracy" in the 1700's. His most notorious ship was the Queen Anne's Revenge. Blackbeard was based out of the Carolinas and may have bribed the local governor with a share of his profits in exchange for unnoficial 'protection'.

Whatcha doin', Alan? "Staring at my son." Awww... "No, really. I think he's got a bit of drool that needs wiping..."

"Geez, what is it with this family? You move one crib and let me make the bed... and then plunk this crib down in front of another unmade bed! You're all a bunch of sadistic you-know-whats, you know that?"

Aaah! Roaches! Let's all blame other-Alan. Who still kicks over the trash can every other day. Between him and Marylena-the-first, it's a never-ending cycle.

"So... about those ten kids you want... I brought home a babysitter for the evening..."

"Officer Shannon is takin' care of business. Aight?" "Dear goddess, get me away from this man. I thought my father was bad..." Sorry, kid.

*slurp**snarfle**shovel* "Uh... Mary... don't your hands get sticky when you eat pancakes with your fingers?" "Can't talk. Eating." Ahh... pregnant Sims. Aka bottomless pits. All the more disturbing when the knocked-up-one is so messy they neglect to use a fork at the best of times.

Aww... Alan is actually a good father for all that he's dumb as a doorknob.

"Daddy, why don't we ever wear clothes around here?" "Because pirates are most piratical when they're in their pajamas, savvy?" "Hm. I never thought of it that way before. But it still doesn't explain why you magically have two legs again whenever you're wearing your pajamas." "Some things are best left a mystery, sweets."

"Sweet, sweet rum. How I've missed you, mate." The first step is admitting you have a problem, Captain. "This be Maxis rum, mate. One hunnert percent fruit juice, aye?" Haha. Sucks to be you! "You don't know the 'alf of it, mate."

"Hello! I'm not getting any younger over here!"

"I be bored, mate." I can see that. "I'm old. I pee. I already wrote my best seller and sold several masterpieces. And I hate changing diapers, mate." Life is so hard, Jack.

"Wow, contemplating this fan completely erases any feeling of boredom I might have had, aye?" I'm happy for you. Now go take a bath. You stink. "Ahh... such a sweet, sweet aroma it is, mate." Bleh. Messy sims. ... wait. What's that I see in the window?

*gasp* Other-Alan!

Yes, steal that invisible newspaper, Other-Alan. Because it shows you're so big and strong. "I'll teach that hussy to break my heart!" Oh other-Alan. Your potential is wasted on this family anyway. Why, you could be anything. Anything you set your mind to. And instead... reduced to stealing newspapers and kicking trash cans.

You know, other-Alan, you should really get together with the disgruntled maid. Compare notes. Etc.

Whatcha doin, Alan? "Contemplating how good it feels to keep crime off the island's streets. I arrested an old lady for purse-slapping today." And how does that make you feel, Alan? "Pretty frammin' good, goddess. Pretty frammin' good."

And how is life as a space pirate, Mary? "Now I'm a general." Between you and Alan, I'm not sure who is most scary...

"My accomplishments do nothing To heal the dark hole torn in my soul Because I am the spare."

Whatcha doin', Alan? "Telling Shannon about that awesome takedown today." Wasn't he there too?!? "Well, yeah, but it was so awesome, I can't tell the story enough. Purse-whackers. They're a menace to society. One that is no longer present on the island. Thanks to me." Great. Alan's started spouting taglines. Or Crimestoppers commercials...

Whatcha doin', Mary? "Baking." Whatcha baking, Mary? "It's a surprise." I see.

Gah! Mary! "What? I had a sudden craving for cream cheesy goodness topped with yummy strawberry, mate." But Mary! You're pregnant! "What's your point, mate?"

Birthday!

Aww... and little Edward is just precious! He has a pretty good personality, too: 4/10/1/10/7. Slightly silly clothes, but they're oddly piratical in nature so he can keep them. "I'm not a pirate!" No? "I'm a tiger! Grr!"

A... tiger? "Just like Roux-kitty-kitty-cat!" Ahh... the cat... haven't seen her for a while. "That's 'cause she's kinda boring, lady."

Mary! You ate the cheesecake! Bad! "You're the one who wants me to have ten kids, mate. Can you blame me for wanting it over with as soon as possible?" Grr. Fine. Too late now anyway.

"Let me outta here! I had this dream that I was underwater and drowning and now I'm scared and I want my mommy!" Tigers like the water, kiddo. "Not little tigers, and that's a fact! Get me outta here!"

And what is Mary doing while her child needs taking care of? Why, fixing the computer, of course!

But she's a good parent and rolled up the want to teach Eddie all of his toddler skills. Since nobody else in the house did, she got to do it all. "Sure wish your father would take some initiative and help out with raising you, Eddie, mate." "Daddy says he just wants to be my friend, mommy." "Why am I not surprised, mate."

Since both Jack and Elise are permaplat, I feel free to ignore them most of the time. They spend all their time spying on me thru the telescope and making out with each other.

Sometimes, this leads to disasterous results. Jack. I don't really advise shoving your wife's head through the wall and into the aquarium while you make out. *glub* "She says she doesn't mind, mate!"

"I wasn't this 'uge with Eddie, mate!" *spoken thru clenched teeth* That's because with Eddie you didn't have CHEESECAKE! "Right, mate!"

Elise... why are you getting into your daughter's bed? "I am too tired to walk all zee way to my bedroom." ... you just have to walk through the attached bathroom. "Zat ees much too far!"

"Hiya kitty! Can you help me turn into a tiger?" "Mrrow!" --Help!--

Whatcha doin', Alan? "Making sure no crimes have been committed in this hallway, goddess." Ahh... you keep doing that, Alan. "I fully intend to, goddess. I fully intend to."

"Now say rum, little grandbaby, aye?" "Grandpa, tigers don't drink rum." "Aye, but they don't play nicely with Mr. Bunny Head either, savvy?" "I am not playing nicely with Mr. Bunny Head, grandpa! I'm trying to get his ears off! But they are stuck!"

"Being pregnant sucks, mate. Maybe I shouldn't 'ave 'ad that cheesecake, aye?" I tried to tell you that... but would you listen? NooOOOOoooo..

"Okay, seriously? This is getting ridiculous. Just move the framming crib."

"Roar!" "Listen, mate, I'm not sure if this kid be me grandbaby or me pet..."

"Shannon, this green cloud we're surrounded by is a sign we're doing good work." "You'll find no disagreement from me, Alan. I'll see you tomorrow. There's a kid selling lemonade I don't like the look of." "He can't evade the law forever, Shannon." "Word."

"I am ignored! And this bothers me Because I like attention. Nobody listens to my bad poetry! Their ears shall burn."

"Umm... either that cheesecake is returning on me or the twins are coming!" I think the twins are coming. "Me too! ALAN! GET IN HERE! NOW!"

"Ooh, is it a party?" "The babies are coming, dolt!" "It is a party! Every birth is a celebration!" "Celebrate this!"

Meet Jack Buccaneer! No, he is not named after his grandfather but instead "Calico" Jack Rackham. Calico Jack was a very prolific pirate in the 'golden age' of Caribbean piracy. He is known for having not one, but two women on his crew. Jack was captain of the Revenge when he and his crew were captured. They were executed in Jamaica in 1720. Captain Jack Sparrow is largely based on Calico Jack and flies the same flag (a skull with crossed cutlasses beneath it).

And this is Anne! Anne Bonny is one of the few known female pirates. Like Mary Read, she was also a member of "Calico" Jack Rackham's crew. For a time she had to dress as a man to avoid being considered an omen of bad luck by the rest of the crew. Anne Bonny was not executed when the rest of the crew of the Revenge did, as she claimed she was pregnant. She disappeared from history shortly thereafter.

"Well, Alan... that's it for this chapter, aye?" "We had more babies!" "Yes we did, Alan." "I like babies!" Anyway, that's it for this chapter... there should be another up pretty soon, though, as I have a whole ton of pictures still! Until next time, Happy Simming!