Download - Nonviolent Communication - NVC

Beyond our ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing, there is a field.

I’ll meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about.

Ideas, language, even the phrase

"each other" don’t make sense any more.

- Jalal al-Din Muhammad Rumi

Nonviolent Communication (NVC)or Compassionate Communication

or Giraffe Language.

Nonviolent Communication is a process that involves language, thought, communication, and a commitment to a certain use of power. It was created by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D., author of Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Compassion (Puddledancer Press, 2003) and founder of the Center for Nonviolent Communication (http://www.cnvc.org/).

Nonviolent Communication emphasizes the motivation of others through genuine compassion rather than through fear, blame, guilt, shame, obligation, duty, reward, punishment, manipulation, force, or threats.

Assumption

• Human beings are

compassionate by nature. Most people enjoy giving to others.

BenefitsNVC strengthens our ability to:

• Build relationships based on trust and mutuality

• Accurately hear what other people feel and need, even when they express themselves in a hostile manner

• Make assertive requests that increase the likelihood of getting what we really want

• Prevent and resolve conflicts in ways that work for everyone

• Break patterns of thinking that lead to anger and depression

Intention

THE INTENTION OR PURPOSE OF NONVIOLENT COMMUNICATION

is to establish and maintain

the quality of connection

that enables everyone’s needs to get met

through natural giving.

“What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between

myself and others based on a

mutual giving from the heart.”

—Marshall B. Rosenberg

Purpose of NVC

• To evoke compassionate, heartfelt connection so that all needs may be met

• To consider and to connect to the life in ourselves and others

• To be inspired and to inspire others to give with the natural joy of giving

Doro Kiley, Professional Life Coach

http://www.creationcoach.com/nvc.htm#purpose

The primary purpose of Nonviolent

Communication is to connect with other people in a way that enables compas-

sionate (from the heart) giving. We are giving service to others and ourselves--not

out of duty or obligation, not out of fear of punishment or hope for a reward, not out of

guilt or shame, but for the natural joy of giving to one another.

“Nothing is more enjoyable than using our efforts in the service of life.”

“NVC is an ongoing reminder

to keep our attention focused

on a place where we are

more likely to get what we

are seeking.”

- Marshall B. Rosenberg

Attention

THE NONVIOLENT COMMUNICATION MODEL

helps us keep our attention on four components:

1. Observations

2. Feelings

3. Needs

4. Requests

in the pursuit of the question,

What would make life more wonderful for us?

Observations

• NVC discourages static generalizations and encourages observations specific to time and context.

• Observations are clear descriptions of what happened at a particular time.

• Observation is pure awareness of thoughts and events occurring in consciousness

• Observations are not evaluation, judgement(right/wrong or good/bad), diagnosis, analysis, or interpretation.

Feelings

• Feelings are emotions or bodily sensations that provide feedback about our needs.

• Feelings are not thoughts, beliefs, opinions, or images. e.g. “I feel unimportant to my co-workers” describes thoughts of other’s evaluations. The feeling might be sad or discouraged.

• Feeling words do not require the word “feel” before them. e.g. I am worried/upset/happy…

• Two basic categories of feelings relate to met and unmet needs.

Needs

• Needs are universal life energy, and they are independent of any person taking a specific action.

• Needs are not our strategies or the actions we take to meet needs.

• “Everything we do is in service of our needs.”

• Some basic categories of needs include: Autonomy, Celebration, Integrity, Interdependence, Physical Nurturance, Play, and Spiritual Communion.

Requests

• NVC requests are clear, specific, expressed in positive-action language (do this, not avoid that), and present (in this moment one can only agree to do something in the future).

• Requests are for action from free choice, not demands involving punishment, reward, coercion, or obligation.

Example requests for:

• Reflection – “Would you tell me what you heard me say?”

• Response – “How do you fee hearing what I said?”

• Solution – “Would you be willing to …(strategy)?”

NVC focuses attention on Two Questions

• What's alive in us?

• What can be done to make life more wonderful?

Two Elements

• The consciousness —Understanding others with compassion and without judgment

• The model —

A vehicle to the consciousness

Outline of Nonviolent Communication

HonestyClearly expressing how I am without blaming

or criticizing:

1. The concrete actions I am observing (or remembering, imagining) that are contributing (or not contributing) to my well-being.

2. How I am feeling in relation to these actions.

3. The life energy in the form of needs, desires, wishes, values, or thoughts leading to my feelings.

Clearly requesting that which would enrich my life without making a demand:

4. The concrete actions I would like you to take.

“Honesty” might sound like this:

When you do (or did) (observation)

I feel (or felt) (feeling)

because I need (or needed) (need)

and would you be willing to (request)

EmpathyEmpathetically receiving how you are without

hearing blame or criticism:

1. The concrete actions you are observing (or

remembering, imagining) that are contributing (or

not contributing) to your well-being.

2. How you are feeling in relation to these actions.

3. The life energy in the form of needs, desires,

wishes, values, or thoughts leading to your

feelings.

Empathetically receiving that which would enrich

your life without hearing any demand:

4. The concrete actions you would like me to take.

“Empathy” might sound like this:

When I do (or did) (observation)

do you feel (or felt) (feeling)

because you need (or needed) (need)

and would you like me to (request)

NVC DANCE FLOORS

These are spatial maps made up of large cards that

place the NVC processes on the floor in various layouts

called ‘dances’.

Each card represents a step in the dance of

communication.

People learning NVC stand up and ‘dance’ through the

steps in role play, often with coaching from a trainer,

or support from another participant.

Each dance is designed to help people develop

awareness and skills in a particular area of NVC.

Further Reading

The Center for Nonviolent Communication

http://cnvc.org

The Alliance for Nonviolent Communication

http://alliancefornvc.org

NVC Academy – online learning

http://nvctraining.com/

BayNVC - Bay Area Nonviolent Communication

http://www.baynvc.org/

This presentation may be downloaded from: http://www.slideshare.net/msz

The next Midwest opportunity to learn NVC from Marshall B. Rosenberg will be in Madison WI Tuesday, May 01, 2007 -Wednesday, May 02, 2007

"Speaking Peace in a World of Conflict: Conversational Judo with a Heart Connection“

http://tinyurl.com/3anujn

Acknowledgement

Most of the material in these slides that are not attributed directly to another author was taken from Marshall B. Rosenberg’s books: Nonviolent Communication: A language of Life, and Speak Peace in a World of Conflict: What You Say Next Will Change Your World.