Nonviolent Communication - NVC

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Beyond our ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about. Ideas, language, even the phrase "each other" don’t make sense any more. - Jalal al-Din Muhammad Rumi

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A brief and plain introduction to NVC based on the works of Marshall B. Rosenberg and others. 2nd draft uploaded in PDF formatting to correct numbering errors in conversion process.

Transcript of Nonviolent Communication - NVC

  • 1. Beyond our ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing, there is a field. Ill meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about. Ideas, language, even the phrase "each other" dont make sense any more. - Jalal al-Din Muhammad Rumi

2. Nonviolent Communication (NVC) or Compassionate Communication or Giraffe Language. Nonviolent Communication is a process that involves language, thought, communication, and a commitment to a certain use of power. It was created by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D., author of Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Compassion (Puddledancer Press, 2003) and founder of the Center for Nonviolent Communication ( Communication emphasizes the motivation of others through genuine compassion rather than through fear, blame, guilt, shame, obligation, duty, reward, punishment, manipulation, force, or threats. 3. Assumption Human beings are compassionate by nature. Most people enjoy giving to others. 4. Benefits NVC strengthens our ability to: Build relationships based on trust and mutuality Accurately hear what other people feel and need, even when they express themselves in a hostile manner Make assertive requests that increase the likelihood of getting what we really want Prevent and resolve conflicts in ways that work for everyone Break patterns of thinking that lead to anger and depression 5. Intention THE INTENTION OR PURPOSE OFNONVIOLENT COMMUNICATIONis to establish and maintainthe quality of connection that enables everyones needs to get met through natural giving. 6. What I want in my life iscompassion, a flow betweenmyself and others based on amutual giving from the heart. Marshall B. Rosenberg 7. Purpose of NVC To evoke compassionate, heartfelt connection so that all needs may be met To consider and to connect to the life in ourselves and others To be inspired and to inspire others to give with the natural joy of giving Doro Kiley, Professional Life Coach 8. The primary purpose of Nonviolent Communication is to connect with other people in a way that enables compas- sionate (from the heart) giving. We are giving service to others and ourselves--not out of duty or obligation, not out of fear of punishment or hope for a reward, not out of guilt or shame, but for the natural joy of giving to one another. Nothing is more enjoyable than using our efforts in the service of life. 9. NVC is an ongoing reminderto keep our attention focusedon a place where we aremore likely to get what weare seeking.- Marshall B. Rosenberg 10. Attention THE NONVIOLENT COMMUNICATION MODEL helps us keep our attention on four components:1. Observations2. Feelings3. Needs4. Requests in the pursuit of the question, What would make life more wonderful for us? 11. Observations NVC discourages static generalizations and encourages observations specific to time and context. Observations are clear descriptions of what happened at a particular time. Observation is pure awareness of thoughts and events occurring in consciousness Observations are not evaluation, judgement (right/wrong or good/bad), diagnosis, analysis, or interpretation. 12. Feelings Feelings are emotions or bodily sensations that provide feedback about our needs. Feelings are not thoughts, beliefs, opinions, or images. e.g. I feel unimportant to my co-workers describes thoughts of others evaluations. The feeling might be sad or discouraged. Feeling words do not require the word feel before them. e.g. I am worried/upset/happy Two basic categories of feelings relate to met and unmet needs. 13. Needs Needs are universal life energy, and they are independent of any person taking a specific action. Needs are not our strategies or the actions we take to meet needs. Everything we do is in service of our needs. Some basic categories of needs include: Autonomy, Celebration, Integrity, Interdependence, Physical Nurturance, Play, and Spiritual Communion. 14. Requests NVC requests are clear, specific, expressed in positive-action language (do this, not avoid that), and present (in this moment one can only agree to do something in the future). Requests are for action from free choice, not demands involving punishment, reward, coercion, or obligation. Example requests for: Reflection Would you tell me what you heard me say? Response How do you fee hearing what I said? Solution Would you be willing to (strategy)? 15. NVC focuses attention on Two Questions What's alive in us? What can be done to make life more wonderful? 16. Two Elements The consciousness Understanding others with compassion and without judgment The model A vehicle to the consciousness 17. Outline of Nonviolent Communication Honesty Clearly expressing how I am without blamingor criticizing: 1. The concrete actions I am observing (orremembering, imagining) that are contributing(or not contributing) to my well-being. 2. How I am feeling in relation to these actions. 3. The life energy in the form of needs, desires,wishes, values, or thoughts leading to myfeelings. Clearly requesting that which would enrich mylife without making a demand: 4. The concrete actions I would like you to take. 18. Honesty might sound like this:When you do (or did)(observation) I feel (or felt) (feeling) because I need (or needed) (need) and would you be willing to(request) 19. Empathy Empathetically receiving how you are withouthearing blame or criticism: 1. The concrete actions you are observing (orremembering, imagining) that are contributing (ornot contributing) to your well-being. 2. How you are feeling in relation to these actions. 3. The life energy in the form of needs, desires,wishes, values, or thoughts leading to yourfeelings. Empathetically receiving that which would enrichyour life without hearing any demand: 4. The concrete actions you would like me to take. 20. Empathy might sound like this:When I do (or did)(observation) do you feel (or felt)(feeling) because you need (or needed) (need) and would you like me to (request) 21. NVC DANCE FLOORS These are spatial maps made up of large cards that place the NVC processes on the floor in various layouts called dances. Each card represents a step in the dance of communication. People learning NVC stand up and dance through the steps in role play, often with coaching from a trainer, or support from another participant. Each dance is designed to help people develop awareness and skills in a particular area of NVC. 22. Practice: NVC Dance Floors From The NVC Dance Floors Bridget Belgrave & Gina Lawrie 2003 23. Further Reading The Center for Nonviolent Communication The Alliance for Nonviolent Communication NVC Academy online learning BayNVC - Bay Area Nonviolent Communication 24. This presentation may be downloaded from: next Midwest opportunity to learn NVC from Marshall B. Rosenberg will be in Madison WI Tuesday, May 01, 2007 - Wednesday, May 02, 2007 "Speaking Peace in a World of Conflict: Conversational Judo with a Heart Connection 25. Acknowledgement Most of the material in these slides that are not attributed directly to another author was taken from Marshall B. Rosenbergs books: Nonviolent Communication: A language of Life, and Speak Peace in a World of Conflict: What You Say Next Will Change Your World.