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How to Get Your Ex Out of Your Head in Less than 60 Days

What Every Person Should Know about How to Get Over an Ex

By Kevin Kurgansky

©2013, All Rights Reserved.

It is illegal to copy, distribute, or create derivative works from this book in whole or in part, or to contribute to the copying,

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By purchasing this book, you agreed that the information contained in this book is an opinion, and it should be used for

personal entertainment purposes only. You are responsible for your own behavior and this work is not to be considered

professional, medical, psychological or legal advice. The author may not be liable for any direct or indirect consequences that occur from the use of any of the ideas contained in this book.



About the Author

Kevin Kurgansky is the author of The Breakup Bible and creator of The Breakup Cure and The Breakthrough Breakup Method. He is also a Certified Coach with The Life Coach Institute and has his own private practice as a relationship and break-up coach. 10 years ago, he went through a devastating break up that brought him to the lowest point of his life and propelled him on the path to self-discovery. After an intense period of self-reflection, he emerged from the experience as a changed man and went on to help thousands of people through the painful process of getting over a break up.



The #1 Biggest Problem Most People Have after a Break Up

After spending the past 8 years working with thousands of people from all around the world, I discovered that the #1 biggest problem that most people have after a break up is that they can’t stop thinking about their ex.

“I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT MY EX!”

Now, when I first began helping people with this problem, I would say that it’s a mistake. That thinking about your ex is BAD and THAT you need to stop doing it.

However, as the years went on, I realized that calling it a “mistake” was actually a mistake on my part.

After all, a mistake is something you do that isn’t right.

And once we make a mistake, we usually learn from it and stop doing it… right?

Of course, we may not learn from the mistake right away, sometimes we have to make it again in order for it to really “get through” to us.

However, what you’re doing here isn’t necessarily a mistake.

You catch yourself thinking about your ex, you realize it’s only making things worse and yet you can’t stop thinking about them.

You know it’s not good for you… but you can’t stop doing it.

So what we’re dealing with here isn’t really a “mistake”

It’s almost like an ADDICTION

Think about it…

People who smoke cigarettes know it’s bad for them and yet they don’t stop smoking!



Well, it’s pretty much the same thing here.

Now, I don’t want you to get all down on yourself because of it.

I’m not saying this in order to make you feel BAD

I’m sure you’re already doing enough of that to yourself as it is (which really doesn’t really help either, by the way).

Here’s the thing though…

IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT!

That’s right.

It’s not your fault that you think about your ex all the time.

In fact, it’s actually quite normal.

If you were able to move on with your life without thinking about them whatsoever, that’d be a bigger thing to worry about.

Why?

Because if you can lose the person you love and move on with your life like nothing ever happened without ever thinking about them… well then there’s something REALLY wrong with you.

That would mean you’re a sociopath and have no capacity to feel or care for others.

But you do… which is why you’re suffering right now.

And that’s perfectly normal.

In fact, there was actually a recent study done about this EXACT topic and the findings were pretty shocking to say the least



Shocking Research Reveals That Most People Are Way Too “Ex-Crazed”

Between December 22nd of 2010 and January 5, 2011, a site called YourTango.com surveyed over 1,000 people on breakups, dating, and relationships.

71% of all the people they surveyed said that they think about their ex too much.

That number is actually 81% if you narrow it down to just the single people.

However, just thinking about your ex is one thing…. More than half of all the single people who responded (57%)

said that thinking about their ex actually prevents them from finding new love.

Yikes! But it's not single people that have a problem with this.

Married folks are a little too obsessed over their ex for their own good.

Almost two-thirds of married people (60%) agree that their ex is on their mind too often.

More than a third of them (36%) say that their attachment to

their ex interferes with their marriage.

Pretty crazy, huh? These people have already moved on, found someone else and even GOT MARRIED… and yet a part of them is still dwelling on their ex.



That really goes to show that the whole “time heals allwounds” belief is a total MYTH. Yet the majority of the people in the world really believe this to be true, which always boggles my mind. Guess they haven’t really looked at the research or worked with as many heartbroken people as I have. This research also spits in the face of all the people who tell you to just “move on and find someone else” Or the people that say “the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else” Pardon my language but this is complete and total bullshit. I am absolutely infuriated by all the people who continue to spread this advice to people. Not only is it NOT true… but they’re actually hurting the entire human race by planting all these non-sense beliefs into the minds of the general public. If this advice was true, these numbers would NOT look the way they do. Now, I don’t mean to scare you but this research is quite alarming and it raises a couple really important questions for ALL of us to consider...



1) Why the hell do so many people still think about their ex?

2) Why do so many people let something that happened in the past interfere with their future? In other words, why do so many people let this prevent them from letting go and moving on with their life. And even worse, why do so many people they let it prevent them from finding someone else?

3) And lastly, what can you do to get your ex out of your head once and for all so that this doesn’t keep weighing you down?

I’ll attempt to answer some of these questions here and I also hope to raise a couple possible solutions for you to consider.

First, we need to explore why these thoughts are so damn

persistent.

Why Do You Keep Thinking about Your Ex?

There’s no ONE definite answer for this… aside from the fact that it’s just human nature.

However, there are a number of different reasons that may be causing it.

One reason is that the break up was probably unexpected. You weren’t really expecting to lose everything so quickly. Therefore, you weren’t really prepared to deal with it. Perhaps you had a feeling that things weren’t going too well in your relationship but you didn’t think it would come to this. In other words, a part of you is still in SHOCK over everything that happened.



Trust me, I know how hard it is to the watch the person you love walk out of your life. Sometimes it can feel like your entire world is crumbling right in front of your eyes and all you can do is stand and watch it collapse. You try everything you can to save the relationship but nothing seems to work. Your ex is acting cold and distant and nothing you say gets through to them.

You’re left with no choice but to let go and move on. You have to pick yourself off the ground and move on with your life, knowing that everything you had is gone and nothing will ever be the same again.

And that’s why it’s so devastating.

Think about it… You’re essentially being stripped of everything you have with them here and now, in this present moment.

And you’re also being stripped of your future together.

Whether that future was something you guys discussed together or just imagined in your head – it’s still real to you.

So think of it this way… 1) Everything you have now is gone

2) Everything you planned for the future is lost So what do you really have left?

All you have are memories of the past and how things used to be! With this in mind… is there any surprise as to why you feel such a strong urge to “cling" to these memories?

Do you think that might have something to do with why you find yourself thinking about your ex so much?



Of course! While your ex may have been thinking about breaking up with you for a while, you weren’t prepared to handle something like this just totally out of the blue. It’s still new to you and there’s no way that you can simply get over them in an instant. You haven’t fully accepted the fact that they’re no longer going to have any part in your life so it’s going to be tough to refrain from thinking about them all the time.

However, there are several things you can do to cut down the amount of time you spend hung up over your ex and what happened in the past.

In fact, I’m going to share the #1 most important thing that you can do after a break up but you have to promise me that you will actually listen to me and do what I say, okay?

So here’s the #1 thing you have to do after a break up…

YOU HAVE TO CUT CONTACT WITH YOUR EX

I know that’s probably not what you wanted to hear and telling you to do this may sound like I’m asking you to wax off every single last strand of hair on your body.

It’s hard. I get it. But you have to do it.

Maybe you’ve avoided doing this because you guys agreed to remain friends. After all, your friendship is too special to just throw away, right?

And besides, mature and civil people should be able to be friends after a break up, right?

Ideally, yes. However, there are a lot of "weird" things that happen after a break up that will literally sabotage your sanity if you try to stay friends IMMEDIATELY after the break up.



You’ll constantly be reading into every little thing that happens. You’ll be analyzing every single interaction you have.

You’ll spend a lot of time trying to figure out how they really feel about you and you’ll waste a lot of time wondering if there’s a chance you guys might get back together.

Basically, the longer you stay in contact with them, the more suffering you’re going to put yourself through.

Now, I’m not saying that you have to cut contact with them for the rest of your life. You may have kids together or you may just really value the connection you guys had and decide that you want to keep them around as a friend.

That’s all fine and dandy and I’m not saying you can’t be friends with them in the future.

Here’s the trick though…

If you really want to be friends with your ex, you have to get over them FIRST. However, the trick is, you can't have them around in your life while you're doing it.

Why?

Because you’re still emotionally invested in them.

And when you’re as emotionally invested as you are right now, every single action and interaction between the two of you will have the power to control you, your emotional state and ultimately your well being.

If you guys decide to stay friends, you’re not actually going to act like a friend. You’re going to act all weird and needy and it’s not going to feel like a regular friendship.



If you really want to be friends with them, you can.

Later…

AFTER you get over them. See, being in love is an emotional experience but it's also a chemical one. Your brain literally starts producing different chemicals when you're in love and your brain chemistry changes. So when you break up with someone you love, you are literally going through a chemical WITHDRAWAL We're talking AA Meetings and rehab-type stuff here.

So if you truly want to get over your ex, there's an element of chemical addiction that you need to break right now. And the #1 way of breaking your "love addiction" is by cutting all contact with your ex. I truly believe that following The No-Contact Rule, starting right now, is single-handedly the best thing you can do to get over a relationship. In fact, I'll even go the extra mile and say that it's literally IMPOSSIBLE to get over your break up and truly move on with your life while keeping in contact with your ex. There might be a part of you that feels like you have to keep them around in your life simply out of respect for what you had.

Or perhaps your ex is the one that suggested that you guys can still be friends, usually right after they were done breaking up with you. It’s almost like giving you the option of friendship is some sort of obligation that they feel they owe you so that they can at least feel like they were considerate of your feelings.



However, if they were really considerate of your feelings, they wouldn’t be friends with you.

The reason for this is because staying friends after a break up only makes things worse.

As you can imagine, it’s going to be pretty hard for you to get over your ex and truly move on with your life if they’re still in it.

Once again, this may not be what you want to hear but cutting all contact with your ex is the ONLY way to truly accept that they’re no longer a part of your life.

At this point, you might be thinking…

“Okay, okay… I get it. I know I need to stop contacting them but how am I actually supposed to do it? do I just completely drop it cold turkey or what? and how long do I need to cut contact for?”

Ideally, you want to cut them completely out of your life for at least 3 months to get over it completely.

However, I realize this may seem really intimidating at first so I recommend you start with something a little easier.

Make a promise to yourself that you will not talk to your in any way, shape or form for the next 30 days

It might be a little hard at first but if you just take it day by day, eventually you’re going to realize that life goes on and it’s really not the end of the end of the world, though I’m sure it probably feels like it right now. Just trust me on this and make a 30 day commitment with yourself to not contact them. That means no hanging out with your ex, no talking, no calling, no texting, no emailing, no online chatting, no checking their facebook, no checking their myspace



or twitter or skype or msn. Nothing. If you just texted them or checked their facebook a minute ago, it’s okay. It’s normal, it’s what we do. But right now, from this moment on, truly commit yourself to this for the next 30 days. Like I said, ideally you will want to do this for 90 days. But right now, a month would be a great start. If a month still sounds too intimidating, then start even smaller. Simply commit to resisting all temptation for the next 24 hours. After that, reward yourself and commit to another day, and another – until you finally do it for one straight month. If you haven’t made an effort to cut all contact with your ex before then this may all sound a little ridiculous to you now but if you’ve actually tried to do this before then you know just how hard it really is. I’ve found that unless you’re strategic in your approach, it’s almost inevitable that you’ll slip up and eventually fall back into your old habits. I’ve personally done this myself and I have to admit that it was probably one of the hardest parts of getting over my break up for me. I used a couple of different strategies to try to make it as easy as possible because what I’ve found is that the more you do to make it easier on yourself, the more likely you are to actually do it, the more likely you are to truly stick with it, and the better your results will ultimately be. I’ve found that one of the best things you can do to give yourself the most leverage - or the most results with the least effort - is to set the right conditions. This is a concept I learned from one of my mentors, Eben Pagan, and he calls this concept “Inevitability Thinking” The essence behind this approach is to consciously create the



“conditions” in your life. It requires that you set your life up strategically so whatever you want to have happen, happens automatically. You’ll get what I mean in a second. Consciously Creating Your “Success Conditions” Determine what you’re going to do to create conditions in your life that will keep you from falling back into your old habits and set up your environment in a way that minimizes the amount of temptation you have to face on a daily basis. At this point, your brain and your thoughts are probably making it hard enough for you as it is so you want to avoid having anything in sight that’ll make it even harder. So here are 4 steps that you can take to help you avoid as much temptation as possible and “set up success conditions” for the No-Contact Rule.

Setting Up the Conditions for Success with the “No-Contact Rule”

1) Delete their phone number from your phone so you’re not tempted to call or text them… or even worse, drunk dial them. No, you don’t need to keep it around “just in case.” They’re not your responsibility anymore, cut contact.

2) Avoid going to any places they might go to and avoid any social situations where you will be forced to see them. You can try to act like you’re unaffected by it but it’ll backfire. You can try to hang out with your friends with your ex around and pretend you’re cool with it but you will feel the tension in the air, it’s going to be awkward and you know it. Save yourself from learning this the hard way and just avoid it altogether.



3) Either delete your ex from facebook or block so you don’t get any reminders of them popping up in your newsfeed. If you block them, you won’t be able to find them even if you search her name. This way you don’t have to fight the temptation to check up on your ex to see what they’re up to. No, you don’t need to keep them as a friend just in case, you don’t need to see any new pictures of them and you definitely don’t need to see them flirting with anyone else and seeing the messages that people write on their wall.

4) Delete their email from your address book and delete them off aim, myspace, twitter, skype or anything that could possibly be an avenue of communication between you two.

How to Deal with the Thoughts after You Cut Contact with Your Ex Once you cut all contact with your ex, you’re going to be light years ahead of where you were on your journey of recovery.

You’re no longer perpetuating your own suffering by creating new memories and experiences together.

You’re not reading into every little thing and analyzing every single little piece of communication between you two.

This gives you the freedom to actually move on with your life and get a “fresh start”

However, an interesting inner conflict emerges when you cut all contact with someone you love.

See, when you’re in a relationship you’re usually talking to your partner every day.

Well - now that you guys broke - you’re not anymore.

And that’s not only a huge change in your daily routine but it may also feel like a really big chunk of your life is now missing.

That’s totally normal.



In fact, it’s part of the reason you think about them so much.

You’re missing a huge chunk of your life and your mind is acutely aware of this. And it naturally fills that empty space, which was previously spent with your ex, with thoughts of your ex.

After all, just because you broke up doesn’t mean you don’t still love them.

Well since love them but you aren’t talking anymore, the only way that love has a way of expressing itself is by reliving all the great moments you had in the past.

This is natural in the beginning so don’t beat yourself up for it but do realize that you need to slowly transition into the new reality that you’re about to embrace – a reality that they are no longer a part of.

In order to do this, you have to learn to let go of all the things you guys enjoyed doing together and all the things you guys had planned together for the future.

You have to accept the fact that nothing between you two will ever exist and you need to learn to be okay with that.

You have a history and you must come to terms with it

If you’re following The No-Contact Contract, then you’re already doing your part to leave it in the past – right where it belongs. After all, it’s history, right?

So once you cut your ex out of your life physically, the only thing that’s really keeping them a part of your life is the things you do mentally

This is an important distinction to make because you have to realize that you are really the only one that’s keeping them a part of your life.

This should really empower you because you’re the one that’s in charge here. Once you make these thoughts stop, you’ll be free.

So that’s the good news.



But here’s the bad news…

Eliminating this last layer of thoughts might be one of the hardest things you have to do… at least I know it was for me.

It’s a lot harder than just cutting all contact with them because thinking about your ex is always just half a second away.

So many things can trigger a memory of you two; whether it’s a song, a movie, a topic you might be talking about with your friend, a place you go to, etc. It’s like you can find a way to somehow connect and relate every experience back to your relationship.

And while it’s great that you two had so many wonderful memories together, you need to realize that these thoughts aren’t really doing you any good right now.

In fact, they’re only making things worse by constantly reminding you of what you no longer have.

You need to realize just how much this behavior is not serving you in order to stop it.

Setting Success Conditions

Before I share the special techniques to stop thinking about your ex that I promised you earlier, it’s important that you incorporate the concept of “inevitability thinking” that I introduced earlier.

I’ll give you special techniques you can use to deal with the problem directly but you need to set up the right conditions first in order to minimize the temptation.

The trick here is to get as much leverage as possible by getting rid of all the things in your environment that trigger these vicious thought loops. It’s going to be hard enough to stop thinking about them as it is so we need to do this in order to make it easier.



1) Put all the photos, cds, letters, and gifts that they gave you in a box and store it somewhere that’s out of sight and out of mind. If you notice anything else in your room or around your house that reminds you of them, go and put it in the same box.

2) Avoid listening to the music that you two would listen together (or any music that reminds you of them). I think you’ll be surprised to discover just how much every single song you listen to reminds you of your ex (in case you haven’t already)

3) If you used to live together and now you’re living there alone and it really bothers you and makes it too hard for you, consider moving out.

Fortunately, my ex and I broke up right as summer was starting and she was going back home to Hawaii for the entire summer while I was signing a new lease for an apartment in Chicago. She never stepped foot in the new apartment or even saw where it was so I didn’t have any memories of her associated to my new place, my new bed, or any furniture.

These two conditions made it easier for me because I wasn’t constantly reminded of her by the things in my apartment and I didn't have to worry about running into her everywhere I went (although that didn’t stop me from thinking every tan brunette that I saw on the street with long hair was her!)

Now that I look back at it, I’ve actually had a change in environment after my last 3 relationships and I can definitely say that it’s helped me a lot.

I don't know the specifics around your situation but I suggest you give it a shot. Also, pay attention to your behavior and observe your thought patterns for the next couple days. If you notice something that constantly reminds you of your ex, get rid of it.

If it's something particularly meaningful to you and you don't want to jump the gun and throw it away over a spur of the moment decision, that's perfectly understandable. Simply get it out of sight. Put it in a box and store it somewhere you don’t normally look at. Remove it from your awareness.



Note: use your own judgment for this because if taken too literally, it might leave you with absolutely nothing. This may not be too bad if you’re up for remodeling or redecorating, which could actually be a good idea right now. In fact, any effort to switch things up will help you avoid thinking about them because it’ll change up your environment.

How to Stop Thinking about Your Ex

Okay, now that you learned what to do to change your external environment and keep the reminders from coming up, we’re going to dive into the root of the problem.

And the root of this problem is internal.

In other words, nothing outside of you is causing you to think about your ex.

You’re doing this to yourself.

And you really need to realize that.

Not to beat yourself up about it more but to take your power back. If you continue to let it happen without taking control of the situation, it’s just going to keep happening

So the first step is realizing that you have the power to change this. You actually have a say in how much of your time you decide to waste thinking about your ex.

But before you can truly have a say in it, you have to realize that right now you basically have no say in it.

What I mean by this is that you have absolutely no control of your mind right now.

Something triggers it and you find yourself going off and getting lost in a whirlwind of thoughts.

Maybe you revisit past memories that you guys had together or maybe you analyze what happened and try to figure out the



reason for why it ended or perhaps you even have some “what if’s” constantly running through your mind.

Regardless of what it is that you specifically do, you have to realize that you have no control over it.

Because if you did, you probably wouldn’t be doing it, right?

I mean, you know it’s not good for you and you only it’s only hurting you even more and keeping you from moving on.

So if you had the power to stop it, you would.

After all, you’re not a masochist.

But here’s the thing…

No matter what you do, you just can’t seem to get them out of your head.

So in a sense, you are a masochist.

Why?

Because you’re the one creating your own suffering!

But like I said before… IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT!

However, even though it’s not your fault, it is your problem.

And the first step to solving this problem is understanding the reality of the situation at hand. There’s a great Buddhist quote that says…

“The first step to awareness is becoming aware of the extent of your unawareness.”

See, the amount of time that you and your ex were together is the amount of time that you’ve been “programmed” to think about them. For some that means months, for others that means years.

So you have to realize that you’re going up against years of programming here and the path of least resistance is going to be to keep doing the same thing you’ve always done.



See, humans are essentially creatures of habit.

We pretty much do, think, and feel the same things every single day.

Here’s a good example to illustrate what I mean.

Think back to one of your first days in class back in high school. You walk into the classroom and you see a ton of open seats everywhere. Your attention naturally drifts to one seat in particular and you decide to sit down.

When you come back to class the next day, nearly 10 times out of 10, you’ll end up sitting in the exact same seat without even thinking about it!

In the few rare cases you actually end up sitting in a different seat, it’s usually because of some sort of “external influence”

Someone else may have already been sitting in your seat, the teacher may have decided to create an assigned seating chart or a friend told you to come sit next to them, etc.

However, without any kind of external condition to influence us, we will naturally gravitate to what we’re already used to.

It’s like once we decide to sit in that seat, it becomes our seat.

We come in and we sit in that seat every day and every one comes in and sits in their seat every day. No one ever has to say anything about it - it’s like an unspoken rule. We just do it naturally and we don’t even notice it or question it.

Once we do something, our brain creates a new neural pathway. After that, it just becomes natural for us to travel down that same path because it’s already familiar.

Over the course of evolution, this really served us. It helped us avoid unfamiliar situations that could bring danger and death.

It becomes the “path of least resistance”

So we naturally end up doing it again and again and we end up strengthening this neural pathway until it becomes a habit.



Once something becomes a habit, it becomes a lot harder to change it. Breaking any kind of habitual pattern is going to take A LOT of conscious and consistent effort.

Now before you get down and start thinking that this is going to take too much work, here’s the good news….

Numerous research studies have shown that it only takes 21 consecutive days to create a new habit. And by the end of 30 days, the new behavior becomes an integrated part of our lives and we just start doing it automatically. In other words, you won’t have to remember to do it or force yourself to do it, you’ll just naturally be pulled in the right direction and you’ll do it unconsciously without having to think about it. But right now, your mind is programmed to do the wrong thing. It’s programmed to think about your ex and it’s going to keep doing that until you take conscious control of the process.

There’s a really good quote by famous psychologist named Carl Jung that says… “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate”

Well if you ever want to stop thinking about your ex, you need to take control of your “fate”

You can do this by accepting the fact that you’re essentially out of control and what you’re doing is just an unconscious pattern that you’ve developed and strengthened for a LONG time.

Once you realize the extent to which you are out of control and surrender, you can finally begin to take control of the situation.



The best way to do this is by monitoring all the thoughts you’re having. You have to make your unconscious thoughts conscious and take note of what your mind is doing.

Start seeing all the different ways these thoughts show up in your life and catch yourself the moment they come up.

I know it sounds really simple but it can be quite hard to do, especially during a very emotional state like the one we’re in right after a break up.

However, once you become aware of all the different times you get sucked into this vicious cycle, you can begin to take control of the process and make sure you don’t get pulled into it.



How to Stop Thinking about Your Ex by Using a Special Technique Called “The Thought Tamer” to Get Them

Out of Your Head for Good!

In this next section, you’re going to learn one of the most powerful techniques that I’ve developed to help you stop thinking about your ex. Once you learn this technique, you’ll have something that you can actually use to resist the urge to get “sucked in” to these vicious thought loops. I’ll also show you a quick and easy way to redirect your thoughts so that you can take back control of your life and stop living in the past.

Step 1) – Gain Awareness Anytime one of these “triggers” pop up, notice it and have a moment of awareness where you “wake up” for a second and step back from what’s going on.

Imagine yourself rising up above your head and actually see yourself doing what you’re doing. Pay attention to how you just distracted from what you were doing and notice your focus being pulled in a different direction. Feel yourself getting pulled out of the present moment and back into your head.

Step 2) – Break the Pattern As soon as you catch yourself, you need to do something IMMEDIATELY in that moment to “break the pattern” You need to take conscious control of the unconscious process So here’s a couple ways you can do that…



1) Close your eyes and take 3 deep breaths

2) Have a really thick rubber band on your wrist and snap it really hard anytime you catch yourself thinking about your ex

I highly recommend using the rubber hand because it’ll make you painfully aware of just how often it happens. You have to actually do it every time you think about your ex though. And if you’re really honest with yourself, it’s going to start to hurt. By associating your behavior to something that inflicts physical pain to yourself, you force yourself to realize that you’re already doing the same thing to yourself – only mentally and emotionally. And because of that, it’s much more sneaky. Since there’s no clear consequence tied to our thoughts, we don’t notice it.

Well, we do, but we can’t do anything about it. We just live with the inner angst and torment of not being able to get them out of your head. But when you link that behavior to a physical sensation that inflicts pain on ourselves, you become very aware of just how much you’re doing it. And you would have to be a masochist to keep doing it. Humans, throughout the course of evolution, have been hard-wired to avoid pain at all costs. Without delving too deeply into all the psychology behind it, we are much more motivated to avoid pain than we are to get pleasure. With that said, it’s best to work with human nature rather than against it. So instead of focusing on how good it’ll be to finally get over your ex and move on with your life, focus on how much pain you’re putting yourself through by staying hung up on



them. This will give you the motivation to actually do something about it. But like I said before, you need to do this every time you think about your ex in order for it to work. Otherwise, you’re going to let yourself off the hook and you’re going to let the thoughts continue without any form of punishment. And if you don’t have a way to punish bad behavior or reward good behavior, your attempts to change whatever it is you’re trying to change will not be very effective.

So here’s a quick recap so far… 1) The first step is to catch yourself thinking about your ex 2) The second step is to do something to break the pattern

Step 3) – Create a New Pattern The third step is to use your conscious will to redirect your thoughts to something positive and affirmative that will help you get over your ex. What you’re essentially doing here is creating a new pattern that will help you achieve your ultimate goal, which is to get them out of your head and not think about them anymore. So here’s a few things that I personally used when I was going through a really bad breakup and was trying to figure out how to take control of my mind and stop thinking about my ex. “Our lives no longer intersect and that’s NOT something that my thoughts can affect” If I cannot direct it or affect it, I accept it.



Note: it helps if you say this out loud (given the circumstance of course, otherwise you’re going to look like you’re crazy)

The reason why it’s important to say it out loud is because it engrains this new pattern into your mind.

In order to stop thinking about your ex, you have to break the old pattern (which is thinking about them all the time) and replace it with a new pattern (one that engrains why thinking about your ex no longer serves you and is only wasting your time)

This will slowly “retrain your brain” to stop thinking about your ex

It will help you shift your focus before you get sucked into another vicious cycle of thoughts.

It’s also a very powerful affirmation that’ll help you come to terms with the break up and accept it on a subconscious level.

I know this may sound a little strange if you’re just learning about this for the very first time but it’s all scientifically proven and rooted in various disciplines of psychology.

The technique that I just shared with you actually incorporates a lot of the key principles from Neurolinguistic Programming (or NLP) If you’re not familiar with NLP, one of the central ideas is that your mind is an incredibly powerful tool that you can use to take control of your life.

By learning how to utilize our minds, we can work collaboratively with one of the most powerful tools we have in our arsenal, to create the change we want to see in our lives.

All theory aside, this technique is unbelievably effective.

I’ve used it to get over several really bad breakups in my own life so I know just how powerful it is. I’ve also taught this technique to thousands of people all around the world and they got some really incredible results with it.



I encourage you to use this technique as well.

Luckily, you don’t have to go through the struggle of learning a bunch of psychology and NLP in order to figure out how to finally stop thinking about your ex.

I’ve already done that for you.

Why?

Because I was sick and freakin’ tired of thinking about my ex all the time and I decided that I was going to do whatever it takes to get over it.

And I did.

That’s why I can honestly say that if you do this consistently, you’ll find yourself thinking about them A LOT LESS.

The only hard part is making the conscious effort to do this EVERY single time you catch yourself thinking about them.

Yes, that means you’re actually going to have to do something.

You can’t expect to read something in this book and suddenly be alleviated from all your fears, worries, or concerns.

That’s not how it works.

This is not a “magic pill”

This is a technique that will “retrain your brain” and get you to stop thinking about your ex.

However, it will take repetition and consistency on your part to make that happen.

Disclaimer: it’s not going to be easy.

It’s going to be a constant battle.

Every time you catch yourself thinking about them, you’re going to have to stop and take back control of your mind.



You’re going to have to be really vigilant and make sure that your ex does not occupy your mind for more than 5 seconds.

Think of this as war… a war against your mind.

If you don’t beat it, it will beat you.

There’s a great quote by a famous author named Napolean Hill that says “conquer yourself or be conquered by self”

Well, right now you are being conquered by yourself.

You are being conquered by your own mind.

By using the techniques that I just shared with you, you have the opportunity to take back control of your mind.

However, this is YOUR battle to fight – not mine.

I’ve already fought this battle myself – and won.

And now, I’m here to share the tools I used with you.

It would be very wise of you to use them too.

Save yourself the stress of trying to figure it out all on your own and just use what I’ve shared with you.

It’ll save you a lot of time.

If you’d like to learn even more advanced tips, techniques and strategies to get over your ex and get them out of your head for good, I recommend getting a copy of my advanced course.

It’s called The Breakthrough Breakup Method.

If you’d like to learn more about how to get it, just send us an email at [email protected]

Make sure to put this in the subject line:

“Info about The Breakthrough Breakup Method”

mailto:[email protected]

Want advice on your situation? Email us at help ... · Kevin Kurgansky is the author of The Breakup...

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