Uncle Andy's Digest May 2011

MAY 2011FREE

THE BEST THINGSIN LIFE ARE

138 Main Street, South Paris744-0290 • 1 800 686-7633 • www.creaserjewelers.com

.com

[email protected]

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGESTThe Most Unusual Digest in America

1200 Minot Ave., Auburn • 783-7126

ELECTRICAL SYSTEMS OF MAINEELECTRICAL CONTRACTORS

PARKING LOT LIGHTING REPAIR & UPGRADES

• Lighting Repairs• Energy Efficient LED & HID Upgrades• New Installation• Ask about Efficiency Maine Incentives

www.electricalsystemsofmaine.com

783-7039

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo & Travis

MAY 20112

Even if you've been fishing for 3 hours and haven't gotten anything except poison ivy and sunburn, you're still better off than the worm.

Uncle Andy is wondering if the reason Rice Krispies start making noise when you pour milk on them is because they are drowning?

786-3731Pelletier’s Karate Academy

I-35 Taylor Hill Road • Lewiston (1-1/2 miles past Marden’s)Email: [email protected] • www.pelletierskarate.com

May 18th

Intro to Karatefor kids

We are the only CertifiedOKINAWAN KENPO SCHOOL

in the Twin Cities

Check out our all new website!

www.pelletierskarate.comFitness Kickboxing

Lil Ninjas 3-6 year olds

Kids 7-12 year olds

Adults

The answer is: "A Last Name."

Sorry Folks...No DirtyJokes Here!

Riddle of the Month

Arnold Schwarzeneg-ger has a big one.

Michael J. Fox has asmall one.

Madonna doesn't haveone.

The Pope has one butdoesn't use it.

Clinton uses his all thetime.

Mickey Mouse has anunusual one.

Liberace never usedhis on women.

Jerry Seinfeld is very,very proud of his.

Cher claims that shetook on 3.

We never saw Lucyuse Desi's.

What is it?

In 1722, JacobRoggeveen discoveredEaster Island. EasterIsland is a smallmulti-volcanoedmound, 2,400 mileswest of the coast ofChile and 2,500 mileseast of Tahiti. The 2000permanent inhabitantshave the honor ofbeing the remotestpopulation on the faceof the Earth.


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 2011 3783-7039

Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you really feel like stripping the gears.

It isn't difficult to make a mountain out of a molehill, just add a little dirt.

800-561-8506Oxford/Auburn

MODERN WOODMEN OF AMERICA

MAY 2011Activities for members

and their guests

Saturday, May 7Holy Cross KC Bean Supper(Chapter 14437) Holy CrossChurch Hall, 607 Lisbon St,Lewiston 4:30pm – 6:00pm$5.50/Member $7/Guest

Sunday, May 8KC Breakfast (Chapter 7938)Columbus St, Brunswick8:00am - 10:00am$4.00/Person $5/Guest

Tuesday, May 10Sam’s (Chapter 12749)Marketplace Mall, LewistonNoon - 7pm $3/Member $4/Guest

Tuesday, May 17The Green Ladle Culinary ArtsLUNCH (Chapter 12907)156 East Ave (Lewiston HighSchool), Lewiston NOON SHARP$7/Member $8/Guest

Sunday, May 22KC Breakfast (Chapter 7938)Columbus St, Brunswick8am - 10am $4/Person $5/Guest

Tuesday, May 24Pizza Hut (Chapter 10929)Rt 26 Oxford 11:30am – 1:00pm$5/Member $5.50/Guest

Wednesday, May 25Roy’s Allsteak Hamburgers(Chapter 14346)Center St. Auburn 4pm – 7pm$5/Member $5.50/Guest

Tuesday, May 31Dairy Joy (Chapter 8609)Campus Ave, Lewiston or Spring St. Auburn3:00pm – 7:00pm$1 per Tix for L/A Humane Society

Please Note: Prices and Menu areSubject to Change.*****************************Tickets need to be purchased at the Mod-ern Woodmen District Office, 184 WebsterStreet, Lewiston for all activities and canonly be picked up the week prior to the ac-tivity, Monday – Thursday 9am - 4pm andFriday 9am - Noon (excluding Holiday’s).FMI call 782-1833.

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 20114

Judge everything by appearances and nobody would ever eat an oyster.

The younger we are, the more we want to change the world. The older we are, the more we want to change the young.

Uncle Andy’s Digestis published by the first

Friday of every month byMaine Mountain Ocean

Group, Inc. with offices at 9 Grove Street, Auburn, ME.

It is distributed free through-out Central Maine and mailed

to subscribers all over theworld. Subscriptions are

$30/year. Send a $30 checkmade out to

Uncle Andy’s Digest to: P.O. Box 3363,

Auburn, ME 04212

Uncle Andy’s

DigestMAILING ADDRESS:

PO Box 3363Auburn, ME 04212

E-MAIL:

[email protected]

PHONE: 207 783-7039FAX: 207 777-3898

www.UncleAndys.com

MAY 2011

Staff

UNCLE ANDY

Bench Warmer

JIMBO

Fever Pitch

TRAVIS DOW

Clean-up Hitter

MAGGIE JOYCE

On the Deck

MARTY DOW

Golfing... Finally!

Affordable Dentures • Flexible Payment Plans • Credit/Debit CardsMost Dental Insurances Accepted

801 Webster Street, Lewiston

[email protected]

Quality Customized Denture WorkFREE CONSULTATIONS

Smile Again Dentures

Joe & Mike Adkins

Poorly fitting or broken dentures repaired on-site, usually same-day service!

Uncle Andy’s Digestis not responsible for

typographical errors that may occurin advertisements.

Sometimes a majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.

ON-SITE DRUG TESTING

*All reports are verified by a licensed Private Investigator

MID MAINE DRUG SCREENING & INVESTIGATIONSFull Service Drug Testing Company & Private Investigator

577-6000 • www.MMDRUGSCREENING.com

D.O.T. DrugScreening

$15$20

We also perform hair follicle drug screens, paternity tests, private investigations, tenant screenings & background checks.

Testing can be performed in the privacy of your home or office.

*Call for out-of-area pricing

Available 24-7, 365 days a yearAfter Hours

& Weekends*

Local*

Alcohol Screening$30 Includes

confirmation if necessary


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 2011 5783-7039

This would be a wonderful world if we showed as much patience in all things as we do in waiting for a fish to bite.

"I love criticism just so long as it's unqualified praise." – Noel Coward

I’ve got my eye on you, Uncle Andy!

Out & About at Phyllis Curtis’ 90th

birthday party atSchooner Estates

Alliyah, Katie, Maddelyn & Keegan

(clockwise starting top left)

Mike Everett

Jamie Pelletier

Mike, when it comes to Uncle Andy,you have to keep both

eyes wide open!

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 20116

"Whatever you are, be a good one." – Abraham Lincoln

Silence is often misinterpreted, but never misquoted.

AUBURN-LEWISTON YMCA • AUBURN (Next to the County Courthouse)

207 795 4095 • www.alymca.org

CAMP CONNORWHO: Boys & Girls Grades K-8WHY: A natural environment for your

child to experience a true outdoorsummer camp.FREE transportationFREE pre/post camp care availableFREE lunch

OPEN HOUSETryTheY

May 16th - 22nd

2-week

FREETrial familymembership

Y Kids Summer CampThe Y Kids Summer Day Camp is based at the Yand is for boys & girls entering Kindergarten throughthe age of 8. Camp hours are 6:00am to 6:00pm,and weekly field trips are included.

So easy, even my caveman

can do it!

GEICO



Sue & Jay Goodwin

Paula Everett

Steve Goodwin & Bill Hiss

Steve, let’s look at page 89

right now, call Colleenand sign us up for that

golf tourney on May 21st.


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 2011 7783-7039

"You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty." – Sacha Guitry

5/31/11

My friend's 5 year old granddaughter looked at the stars one night and exclaimed, "God's home! All his lights are on!"

"You are only young once but can stay immature indefinitely." – Ogden Nash

See store for details

AMESSPORT SHOP, Inc

84 Littlefield Road • Auburn • 782-4917(off Hotel Road & across from Merrow Road)

SHARE OUR PASSION2011

RIDE INTO SPRINGSALES EVENT



Peter Curtis & Jack Marsh

Anna Waldman & Kim Parks

Phyllis Curtisthe birthday girl with Jack Marsh

You’re taller than you look in

the Digest...

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 20118

"It is not possible to have reasonable grounds for not believing in miracles." - Pascal

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Large Meatball Sub$4.69

Murray Special

Large 16” Fresh Dough

Pizza - 5 toppings $13.75

SERVICE...Agreements

24/7 emergency

Oil or Propane

Residential or Commercial

Call us to experience our �Service� difference!

“Delivering Comfort you Can Count On”

"I so appreciated your technician calling

me and explaining why he couldn't finish

the job today. He was concerned and very

courteous. My parents as well as myself,

have appreciated your wonderful service

over the years, thanks!" – Ann, Poland

A recent comment from a customer...

I like you. People say I have no taste, but I like you.

Benefit Concert forDempsey Cancer Center

at Schemengee’s, 551 Lincoln St., Lewiston

Friday, May 27th7pm-Midnight

Join the Pink Angels at theDempsey Challenge

DempseyChallenge2011.kintera.org/pinkangels

FMI: Contact Trisha Marston @ 576-5001

50/50 RafflesAuction Items

Tons of fun! Join us!!

BROAD STREET BAND

LIVE MUSICLIVE MUSIC

COME SUPPORT THISGREAT CAUSE!

COME SUPPORT THISGREAT CAUSE!

ONLY$5

Cover

FOREFRONT


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 2011 9783-7039

M-F 7am-6:30pmWeekends by

appointment only

A tired dog is a happy hound!Interact, run and play with other dogsReceive hands on loving care & supervisionBe more calm & well behaved at home due to less pent up energy

Lisa Poulin &Bruce Bilodeau

Your dog will...

A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome, as a solution to the problem.

The U.N. is a place where governments opposed to free speech demand to be heard.

"There is no security in this life. There is only opportunity." - Douglas MacArthur

Weddings, Birthdays, Corporate Functions & More

BARBEQUE & CATERING SERVICE

795-6778 or 577-5523 • www.moosesmobilekitchen.com

Let Moose’s Mobile Kitchenmake your event complete!

Parties from 1 - 200

We modify our abilities tomeet your needs!

Call us and we can create amenu just for you!

Bon AppétitSubmitted by Glen Gisel

A little old lady an-swered a knock on thedoor one day, to be confronted by a well-dressed young mancarrying a vacuumcleaner.

“Good morning,” saidthe young man. “If Icould take a coupleminutes of your time, Iwould like to demon-strate the very latest inhigh-powered vacuumcleaners...”

“Go away!” said the oldlady. “I'm broke andhaven't got anymoney!” and she pro-ceeded to close thedoor.

Quick as a flash, theyoung man wedged hisfoot in the door andpushed it wide open...“Don't be too hasty!” hesaid. “Not until youhave at least seen mydemonstration.”

And with that, he emp-tied a bucket of horsemanure onto her hall-way carpet.

“Now, if this vacuumcleaner does not re-move all traces of thishorse manure fromyour carpet, Madam, Iwill personally eat theremainder.”

The old lady steppedback and said, “Well let me get you a fork,'cause they cut off my electricity thismorning.”

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 201110When I went to Starbucks for coffee. They lied. It wasn't Starbucks, it was four bucks!

Christians are called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.Out & About at Phyllis Curtis’ 90th


Jody McMorrow & Pam Parks

Paula, Phyllis & Pamela

the birthday girl is flanked byher two daughters

In 1959, the Coasters'hit single "CharlieBrown" was banned byBBC radio because thelyrics contained theword "spitball."

Samʼs Body Shop

Put the gun down and step away from

the vehicle!

But, I thought you said it was a shotgun

wedding...

Most auto accidents are caused by mechanical faults - the loose nut behind the steering wheel

22 Mill St., New Auburn • 782-3150 • Open daily 9am-6pmWe ship anywhere

in the US

“If we wereany fresheryou’d haveto slap us!”

Includes: 1-1/8th lb. Lobster1 lb. Clams

LOBSTER & CLAM BAKE

EXTRA EXTRA, READ ALL ABOUT IT!

$15

Congratulations goes to Neil LaRochelle

All cooked!

(Please call one hour

before pickup)

1 Ear of Corn2 Red PotatoesSide of butter

Always Fresh

LaRochelle’sSeafood

FIRST PLACE BEST CHOWDERPeople’s Choice Award

2011 Chili & Chowder Challenge


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 2011 11783-7039

New Auburn Business DistrictShop Local

New Auburn Social Club7 Second Street, Auburn • 782-9039

United New AuburnAssociation

MeetingLast Tuesday

of May (May 31st)

• Friday, May 13th, starting at 5pm

Benefit Dinner for Tim Webster

• Saturday, May 14th, 4:30 p.m.

Benefit Dinner M.D.A.

- American Chop Suey!

Jennifer Smith& Maria Pete

Healthy Androscoggin ispleased to congratulate thenineteen hospitals recog-nized at the 2011 Gold StarStandards of ExcellenceAwards Celebration. Locally, we are proud ofCentral Maine Medical Center for receiving a silverstandard of excellence fromthe Maine Tobacco-FreeHospital Network and St. Mary’s for receivingbronze standard of excel-lence from the Maine Tobacco-Free Hospital Network. These hospitalshave taken steps to maketheir campuses tobacco-free and support tobacco-free lifestyles for theiremployees, patients and thecommunity. Maria Pete andJennifer Smith both fromSt. Mary’s received individ-ual Gold Stars. Hospitals,along with eight individualsGold Stars were recognizedat the celebration on March23rd at the Maine HospitalAssociation in Augusta.

2011 Gold Star Stan-dards of Excellence

Award Winners

Jennifer KritzerOwner / Stylist

9 Third Street, Auburn

376-4822

Julie DionneStylist

Hours: Monday 10-7; Tuesday 9-5; Thursday 10-7; Friday 9-5;

Saturday 9-3 • Closed Wednesday & Sunday

Men’s Clipper Cut

$10

Women’sWash & Cut

$20

Children’s Wash,Cut & Style

$12SPECIAL SPECIAL SPECIAL

Military, Police& Fire Discounts

Out ’

n Ab

out a

t Cou

rtne

y &

Aman

da’s

Sw

eet 1

6 Ce

lebr

atio

n Their limo stoppedat Taberʼs to hit abucket of balls andget an ice cream!

(l to r) Paxton Arsenault,Amanda Gibson, Paige Brousseau, Courtney Marston & Katie Wallingford

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 201112


120 Mill St., Auburn • 784-5779 or 1-800-439-WIPE • GoodmanWiper.com

Towels, Tissues& Dispensers

Breakroom & Food Service Skin Care Packaging

Janitorial Supplies& Can Liners

Textile & Paper Wipes

Sorbents & Safety Supplies

Chemicals & Cleaners

NEXT DAYDELIVERY

IN L/A!

Q: What is the loudest state? A: ILLI-NOISE

Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm Sunday 7 am – noon

87 Mill St.New Auburn753-0171

(for take-out)

• Unusual Omelettes• Crepes• Breakfast All Day• Extensive Menu

Breakfast & Lunch Specials Daily

Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!

Rolly’s Diner

Jen Kritzer & Esther Henry

Fast, Fantastic and aFFordable

Food!

I highly recommend the

Cretón on a biscuit!

Out & About in New Auburn with

M&P Property Maintenance

We've got the rightequipment to getyour jobs done!

From site work &Paving to completelandscaping & lawn-

care, we can takecare of your needs

Hey Moe, don't forget to

tell the Uncle Andy's readers we deliver alllandscaping materials

like gravel, loam, mulch and

more

I think you just did,

Scotty

A proverb is a short sentence based on

long experience.


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 2011 13783-7039


WOW! Don’t spend $18 at thebeauty salon, get your...

Mens & Boys CUTS forAll day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome.

$12Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts

Marcel’sBarber Shop

54 Mill Street, New Auburn

783-3444OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm;

Sat 7:30am - 2pm

85 Third St., Auburn • 753-1177 • www.varsitylettering.comScreenprinting and Embroidery

Here are a few of our satisfied customers!Why not become one, too!

Call us today for your new shirts, hats & sweatshirts. Best prices anywhere!

Out & About in New Auburn with

M&P Property Maintenance

Moe & ScottPoirier

See their ad on page 72

Give us a call for a free

estimate & competitivepricing on your residential

or commercial projects at

577-0690 or 402-5108

Tick Tock

There were three menon a hill with theirwatches.

The first man threw hiswatch down the hill andit broke.

The second man threwhis watch down the hilland it broke.

The third man threwhis watch down the hill,walked all the way tothe bottom, and caughtit.

The other two menwere puzzled andasked the third manhow he did it.

The third man said,"Easy. My watch is 5minutes slow!"

HOURS: Tues. & Wed. 10am-8pmThurs. & Fri.10am-Close • Sat. 8am-Close

47 Broad Street, Auburn • 782-9044 Every Saturday “Love at first bite!”

Andy’s Baked Bean Specials…Don’t Miss Out!

ANDY’s Baked Beans & Tavern

HOME COOKED FOOD EVERY DAY

PoolDartsLarge Screen TV

Hang out, have adrink, eat and havesome fun with us!

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 201114Supporting the metric system every inch of the way!

"My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe." – Jimmy Durante

When the gaming gets tough, bring out the cheat codes.

Quality Service at an Affordable Price

250 Broad Street in New Auburn • 783-4933 • www.majorauto.netMAJOR AUTOMOTIVENEW

By Appointment OnlyWith Coupon Only

Expires 5-31-11

EARLY BIRD A/C RECHARGE

$129.95(Reg. $169.95)

Most Vehicles - With Coupon OnlyExpires 5-31-11

ALIGNMENT CHECK

Jim’s AUTO SALES

www.JimsAutoSales.com

1097 Center St., Auburn • 784-54381-800-289-5467 Ask for Dave

Over 60 vehicles to choose from starting at $3,800 online at:

WOW! Great price!

Great on gas!

This car is so much fun to drive!

2002 Honda Accord EXV6, Leather, Moonroof

$6,995Now only

2004 Mini CooperLeather, Moonroof, Automatic

$9,700Now only

28mpg 32mpg

CowsSubmitted by Gene Couillard

Is it just me, or does

anyone else find it

amazing that during

the mad cow epidemic

our government could

track a single cow,

born in Canada almost

three years ago, right

to the stall where she

slept in the state of

Washington? And, they

tracked her calves to

their stalls. But they

are unable to locate 11

million illegal aliens

wandering around our

country. Maybe we

should give each of

them a cow.


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 2011 15783-7039

Even though they are paid differently, everyone has to feel appreciated. – Roger Staubach

The union workers at the Federal Mint went on strike today. They are demanding to make less money!

Lifetime Warranty • Free EstimatesFree Pickup and Delivery

Kelly Soraccoof Turner is now the newowner of Gregory's Hair-styles in Auburn and haschanged the business nameto Hair by Gregory's. So-racco, who had worked as astylist at the salon for thepast two years, recentlybought the business and hasalready made a few improve-ments to their salon. Thesalon has had a bit ofmakeover with new paint,new logo and name, buteverything else remains thesame. Hair by Gregory's stilloffers the same great serv-ices, performed by the sameprofessional staff, with thesame convenient hours andaffordable prices. Kellybrings to the business 26years of experience in haircare and also a degree inbusiness from the Universityof Maine. She looks forwardto continuing to help clientsachieve the best look possi-ble. Hair by Gregory's offerscomplete hair services byappointment and they alsoaccept walk-ins. Stop by thesalon today and check outthe updated look, it is lo-cated at 600 Center St.,Suite 4 in The Shaw's Plazaor call 786-0112 to make anappointment with any of thestaff at Hair by Gregory's.See the ad on page 74 FMI.

Meet the NEW Owner

Mike Morin’s Auto Center

“A proud member of the Napa Auto Care Team.”

1122 Center St., Auburn • 753-0433

Cobalt blue & silver, air rideseat, GPS, AM/FM stereo,

extra chrome, 2 windshields

2006 Harley-DavidsonUltra Classic

$16,500

I am selling my own 2006 Harley-DavidsonUltra Classic for only

$16,500!

2-Wheel Alignment$65.95

4-Wheel Alignment$72.95

May Special

2000 Chevy S-10

Ext. Cab,CD, Bedliner

$6,045ONLY 16k

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 201116What will today's younger generation tell their children they had to do "without"?

The first line of the notice said, "Please Take Notice," so I took it.

Expires 5/31/11. Not valid with any other offers.

General Family & Cosmetic Dentistry

John Codjoe, DDSEugene Kim, DDS

Michael Bufo, DMD

$25 GAS CARDfor every new patient(cleaning, exam & X-rays)

Out & About atHealthy Kids Day

2011 at the Y

Logan Carter

Ambrose & Ann

Delaney, Elissa & Sophia


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 2011 17783-7039

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

"A chip on the shoulder is too heavy a piece of baggage to carry through life." – John Hancock

Coming Soon

&

❦ Huge Wine Selection❦ Freshly Baked Breads❦ Freshly Made Pastries & Donuts❦ Fresh Home Made Fudge❦ Large Cheese Selection

Farm Stand Opening Soon for the season

Fresh Produce • Jams • Jellies • Maple Syrup...and more

Bakery

WineCellar

72 Lisbon Road • Lisbon, Maine

www.benoitsbakery.com


2011 at the Y

Lisa & Mary

Kara & MckennaMurphy

Canaan & Deanna

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 201118My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine.

Learn to pause ... or nothing worthwhile will catch up to you. – Doug King

Morrison & Sylvester1175 Minot Ave.

Auburn, ME 04210

783-8548 • www.morrisontruck.net

PARTS • SALES • SERVICE

WE FEATURE: • Service For All Makes • Parts For All Makes

• Sales of New International Trucks• Sales Of Used Trucks Of All Makes

Outdone

The pilot was sitting inhis seat and pulled outa .38 revolver. Heplaced it on top of theinstrument panel, thenasked the navigator,"Do you know what Iuse this for?"

The navigator repliedtimidly, "No, what's itfor?"

The pilot responded, "Iuse this on navigatorswho get me lost!"

The navigator pro-ceeded to pull out a .45and placed it on hischart table.

The pilot asked,"What's that for?"

"To be honest sir," thenavigator replied, "I'llknow we're lost beforeyou will."

Women Rider'sMonth!

Attention Lady MotorcycleRiders! Stop by CentralMaine Powersports allmonth long, show us yourmotorcycle endorsementon your license and get anextra 10% off all apparel &riding accessories. CentralMaine Powersports is thearea's leading Polaris,Yamaha & Honda dealer,featuring cruising & streetmotorcycles, dirt bikes,ATV's & side by sides,parts, apparel & acces-sories and generators. Seetheir ad on page 19 forcontact & Open Houseevent info.


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 2011 19783-7039 "If you don't like the road you're walking, start paving another one." – Dolly Parton

When you get older, lack of pep is often mistaken for patience. Out & About atHealthy Kids Day

2011 at the Y

Kayla Dubois &Katie

Bosten & Alicia

Kristin Freeman& Rachel Doiron

of UNE Dental Hygiene Program

It’s important to brush your teeth at least twice a day and tofloss at least once each

day, too!845 Main Street, Lewiston • 689-2345www.centralmainepowersports.com

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 201120Never let the fear of striking out get in your way. – Babe Ruth

DR. MICHAEL METAYER, O.D.

Auburn Mall Eye Care550 Center Street, Auburn (inside the Auburn Mall)

(207) 782-5030

Eye Exams & Contact Lenses!

for the whole family

I was walking along the street when a man attacked me with a pint of milk and cheese and I thought how dairy!

KEEP COOL! GET YOUR A/C RECHARGED NOW!

$1 OFF Any CutWalk-ins welcome

Men’s, Women’s & Children’s(Reg. $10)

That Little Barber Shop

Cosmetologist Brittany Legare

9 Acadia Ave., Lewiston (off Lisbon St.)312-5478

Hours: Tues, Thurs, Fri. 9am-5pm • Wed. & Sat. 8am-noon

1 S. Main St., Suite 2, Mechanic Falls (next to Sheila’s Hair Salon)345-9161 • [email protected]

Custom Machine EmbroideryClothing • Hats • Bags • And more

Personalized Gifts for your Wedding Party & Baby Quilts

FULL SERVICE HARLEY MOTORCYCLE SHOP

State of MaineInspection

Station

We Service Shovelheads, Sportsters &older bikes email: [email protected]

www.v-shop.us

CALL FOR SPRING SERVICE

Oil Changes, Tire Mounting & Balancing, Brakes ...and more

CUSTOM & OEMV-ROD/ROAD

RODS SERVICED

140 Riverside DriveAuburn, Maine 04210

SAM’S BODY SHOP

886 Main St. Lewiston • 784-0015 • Open Mon. Wed. Fri. 8:00-4:00

Custom Trailer HitchesSold & InstalledTrailer Repairs

Quick! Somebody close those windows

before all the watergets out.

THE SHOP AUTO SERVICEAND CLASSIC CAR RESTORATION

Mike Smith, owner

304 Lisbon St., Lisbon • 353-6100www.theshopclassicrestoration.net

[email protected]

FOR SALEFully restored 1972 Toyota FJ Land Cruiser

CALL FOR PRICE


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 2011 21783-7039 The right angle from which to approach a problem is a try-angle.

I donʼt exercise because it makes my coffee spill. – Maxine

One way to stop a run away horse is to bet on him.

• Wheel alignment & balancing • Complete brake work • Engine tune-up• Lube-oil-filter • State Inspections • Exhaust systems

FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED FOR 27 YEARS

60 Minot Ave • Auburn, ME 04210782-6666 or 783-2026

CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE, INC.

A PROUD MEMBER OF THENAPA AUTO CARE TEAM

OUR TIRES

$55 Value

Buy 4 New TiresReceive Front End

Alignment

FREE

MAY SPECIAL

Out & About at the8th Annual Chili

and ChowderTaste Challenge

I’m chomping at the bit waiting for my turn to try all the

different styles of chili and chowder!If we make

pretend that Uncle Andy isn’t there, do you think he’ll leave

us alone?

Out & About at Phyllis Curtis’90th birthday party at Schooner Estates

Well, sweetie, I’ve been around the

block a few times in my 90 years and I’ve seen his type before. He’s stuck to

us like a cheap suit for the afternoon.

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 201122

AUTOMOTIVE GUIDE

I wouldn't have been in such a hurry to grow up, if I'd known that so much of adulthood is ad-libbed.


2011 at the Y

Alyssa & Linda(Memére)

Owen & Pat(Mimi)

Marek, Sarah &Mallory Johnson

The only one of yourchildren who doesnot grow up and

move away is yourhusband. 791 Sabattus Street • Lewiston • 344-6650

Sherrianne Poulin & Bruce Poulin

Stop by or shop online at: eliteautosalesme.com

‘03 Chevy Malibu Presidential V6, Auto

$3,995

‘03 Dodge Grand Caravan SE Loaded, V6

$5,995

‘03 VW Jetta 1.8T Auto, ABS & More

$5,795

‘02 Mazda Tribute V6, Auto, 4X4

$6,795

‘02 Pontiac Grand Am V6, Auto, Loaded

$5,995

‘01 Chevy Silverado 1500 4WD, V8

$6,995

‘01 Chrysler PT Cruiser Limited

$4,595

‘98 Pontiac Grand Prix SE V6, CD

$3,995

‘98 Toyota Camry Auto, Gas Saver

$3,795

‘98 Lincoln Towncar

$3,995

01 Chevy Cavalier, Auto, Red . . . . . . . . . . .$3795

‘00 Chevy Blazer, Dark Blue, 4WD . . . . . .$4595

More InventoryAvailable


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 2011 23783-7039 Anger is never without a reason, but seldom a good one. – Benjamin Franklin

A scary thought from Maxine: Do you realize in about 40 years, weʼll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? And Rap music will be the golden oldies!

144 Riverside Dr., Auburn

Brad Johnson

Any Make, Any ModelAny Problem…

Fully Warranteed & CertifiedBrad’s Precision Auto 333-0364

NO PROBLEM!

$55/hr. LABOR RATE

Appointments Required, Please call first

www.soundeffectsmaine.com Scott Feldman

Next to Republic Jewelry & parking in back of building

NOW LOCATED AT:

216 Center Street, Auburn • 777-3339

2 Gig wireless home alarm systems coming soon! Stop by today to see

what this baby can do. It’s impressive!

QUALITY REPAIRS SINCE 1979CARS • LT. TRUCKS • SUVs – We service them all

“The 2010 AAA Approved Repair Facility of the Year!”With 100% Customer Satisfaction!!

HORSEPOWER AUTOCARE, INC.44 Roosevelt Trail, Rt. 302 • Windham • 892-9420 • 1-800-339-9420

Monday - Friday 8am-5pm • www.horsepowerautocare.com

3 Master ASETechniciansBob, Steve

& John

Selected



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Jimbo & Travis

MAY 201124

"Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted." – Fred Allen

If you jog in a jogging suit, lounge in lounging pajamas, and smoke in a smoking jacket,WHY would anyone want to wear a windbreaker?

www.emersoThe Back Forty


2011 at the Y

Jesse, Lauren &Amanda Bolduc

Katie & MichelleAlbert

Stefanie Mills & Michelle Cyr

We loved being a part of

Healthy Kids Day 2011 at The Y

in Auburn!


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 2011 25783-7039

"Remember that children, marriages, and flower gardens reflect the kind of care they get."– H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Consistency isn't always good especially if you're consistently wrong.

ontoyota.comy May Specials

990 Center Street, Auburn • 784-1348


2011 at the Y

Pam & Jess

Enroll your child in The Y's Kid Camp or Camp Connor and have

our Core Values instilled in them: Caring, Honesty,

Respect, and Responsibility.

Suburbia is where thedeveloper bulldozes allthe trees and thennames the streets afterthem.

Submitted by Jim Bossie

I used to work in afire hydrant factory. I couldn't park any-where near theplace.

Submitted by Jim Bossie

Why did the vampireflunk art class?

Because he could onlydraw blood!

Yesterday is experi-ence, tomorrow ishope, today is gettingfrom one to the other.

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 201126

If it's green, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it has numbers it's math. If it doesn't work, it's technology.

"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early." – Charles LambOut & About at the8th Annual Chili

and ChowderTaste Challenge 2002 Chevy Tahoe

1298 Sabattus St. Lewistonwww.independentauto.me

Other Inventory

786-7744

$9,995

2004 VW Golf GTI

5-Speed, Turbo, R32 Kit, 63K

2003 VW Jetta GLI 2005 Subaru Forester 2.5XT

$9,495

$6,995 $9,995

5.3L, Spare Stock Tires, 26” Rims, TV’s

05 Pontiac Grand Prix, 89k, Silver ..................................$849505 Hyundai Accent, 86k ....................................................$549505 Nissan Sentra,a Auto, CD ............................................$579504 VW Passat, 107k, Grey ................................................$749504 Jeep Grand Cherokee, 4.0L 4x4 ................................$749504 Hyundai Elantra GLS, 84k, Auto ................................$549503 Audi A4, Turbo, Black...................................................$649503 VW Beetle GLS, Blue, 91k, 5-Sp, 2-tone Lthr, 17" Alloys ......$649503 Mercedes S500, Loaded, 82k..................................$18,99503 Saab 9-3 Convertible, 88K, Loaded .........................$6,99503 Dodge Neon, 86k .........................................................$499503 Infinity QX4, Auto, 4WD, V6 ......................................$899503 VW Jetta GL, Green.......................................................$479503 Volvo S60, AWD, Tan....................................................$749502 VW Passat, Turbo, Black..............................................$549502 Saab 9-5 Aero, Silver, Black Leather, Auto .............$599502 Saab 9-3 Convertible, Blue, Loaded..........................$649502 Ford F250, 73k, Auto, 4x4, ......................................$1299502 Volvo S60 2.4L ..............................................................$649502 Volvo S60, Auto, Keyless Entry, Leather ..................$649501 Audi A4 2.8L, Manual, AWD.......................................$6495

01 Jeep Grand Cherokee, 4x4, Blue................................$599500 Cadillac Escalade, Pewter, Loaded, 102k .................$599500 VW Jetta, Silver, 111k..................................................$549599 Saab 9-3, 108k, White, Convertible..........................$499599 Saab 9-5, Turbo, Silver, Wagon .................................$349599 VW Passat, 98k, Maroon ............................................$499598 Volvo S70, Silver...........................................................$399589 Chevy Corvette, 52k, Black.......................................$10500

6-Speed, 1-Owner

INDEPENDENTAutoTim Bellmore

AWD, Auto, 1-Owner


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 2011 27783-7039 The trouble with wishful thinking is that it's usually 99% wishful and 1% thinking.

Politeness is like an air-cushion - there'snothing in it but it eases the jolts.

Growing their Family

Laura MurrayMaine Family Federal CreditUnion announces the hiring ofLaura Murray.

Laura will be supervising theCredit Solutions department lo-cated in the Lewiston office.She has previously worked atLewiston Municipal FCU for 13years as their Loan Officer/Col-lection Officer before going toSabattus Regional CU as theirHead Teller/Loan Officer. MaineFamily has employed Laura forfour months as the Credit Solu-tions Manager. She is very ex-cited to be working for MaineFamily because, “We are a fam-ily oriented credit union anddedicated to helping our mem-bers. Come on over and joinus!”

Maine Family Federal CreditUnion is a cooperative dedi-cated to helping our memberslead a healthy economic life byproviding personalized financialsolutions. Our mission guidesus in how we interact with ourmembers every day. Experiencethe Feeling of Family. We wantyou to feel like you're part ofour Family.

You are eligible to become amember of Maine Family CreditUnion if you reside, work, wor-ship, attend school, or have im-mediate family members whoreside within our field of mem-bership of AndroscogginCounty. Simply opening a shareaccount with a minimum de-posit of $25.00. See our ad onpage 51.Dan, Jo & Maureen

We still make the food the same way

today as we did 24 yearsago when I started working

here and everyone ab-solutely loves it!

I agree Jo, we're very happy to keep the traditions

going at Tabers and keeping the busi-ness in the family, too. My son, Dan has

been doing a great job over the past 3 years as the new owner.

Out & About at Tabers on opening day

The Domingue's: Jerry, Carol,Austin & Dylan

Some say we're a part of an

Xtreme Family

Dave & Lana Gould Owner of Hot StuffTanning & Danielle Borden

A little sword practice

Cardio DemoCome to Hot Stuff Tanning and Get Fit &

Fabulous with their Cardio & Zumba Classes

The Biggest Piece

Little Johnny and his family lived inthe country, and as a result seldomhad guests. He was eager to help hismother after his father appeared withtwo dinner guests from the office.

When the dinner was nearly over, Lit-tle Johnny went to the kitchen andproudly carried in the first piece ofapple pie, giving it to his father whopassed it to a guest. Little Johnnycame in with a second piece of pieand gave it to his father, who againgave it to a guest.

This was too much for Little Johnny,who said, "It's no use, Dad. Thepieces are all the same size."

Out & About at Hot Stuff Tanning & Wellness Center

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 201128When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

Catty remarks have more lives than a cat.

www.donovansauto.com946-7515 • 1-800-811-8856

To view the complete inventory of 50 vehicles, visit our website

Out & About at St. Dom’s String Program

Taught by Steve Grenier of Main St. Music Lessons

Lesson #1 kids, never practice on an empty stomach...

The St. Dom's String Program entertains attendees at the St. Dominic Annual Silent Auction

Who are these guys?

Rumor has it they were all dressed up and did have aplace to go... our source thinks they this pic was taken

just before the Lewiston senior prom circa 1950.Trivia: Tell us who they are and win a FREE hand car

wash compliments of Uncle Andy’s Digest!Email [email protected] with your answer and info.


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 2011 29783-7039

"This boy's making more noise than a couple of skeletons throwing a fit on a tin roof." – Foghorn Leghorn

"It's not so much how busy you are, but why you are busy. The bee is praised. The mosquito is swatted." -- Mary O'Connor

OIL & FILTER CHANGE$10 OFF

Check out other great coupon specials online

1606 Main St. (Rt. 26) Oxford, ME • goodwinmotorgroup.com

Try our state-of-the-art Service, Parts & Body Shop

and SAVE MONEY!

Purchase of 4 tires & alignment

$50 OFFBODY SHOP SPECIAL$100 OFF

Can be used for any collision or paint repair

that exceeds $500

1-866-370-9225

Restoration services on classic & antiqueautos from repairs to touch-ups.

Guaranteed work! We’ll get your vehiclein and out quickly.

We offer 24 hour towing services for any vehicle

GoodwinChevrolet Buick - Oxford

POTHOLE SPECIAL

$99.95Rotate & balance tires, perform

computerized 4-wheel alignment, inspectsuspension and steering components

Expires 5/31/11. One coupon per customerMay not be combined with any other offers.

Save your vehicle from winter’spothole brutality!

DETAIL SPECIAL

$139.95Protect your vehicle from the elements.

Complete vehicle detail and reconditioningspecial. Wash, buff, wax, interior shampoo

and detail.







HelloGov-nah!

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 201130

"When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it." – Bernard Bailey

Dear Lord, please keep your arm around my shoulder - and your hand over my mouth.

Sometimes the squeaky wheel gets oiled, sometimes it gets replaced.

Rates as low as 2.75%*Stop by and apply today!

Great FallsFederal Credit Union

34 Bates Street, Lewiston • 782-7192760 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 753-0500

www.greatfallsfcu.com*Member eligibility required, qualifications & restrictions may apply, no in-house refinancing, annual percentage rate.**Most cases.

INSTANT APPROVALS!**

GOLF CENTERRt. 4, just past Lake Auburn

&&

www.roysgolf.com

Driving Range

18-holeMini Golf

Batting CagesTHE BEST HAMBURGERS AROUND!MADE WITH FRESH GRADE-A STEAK, CUT & GROUND DAILY

Featuring

Matt & Jen Kritzer

Cheyenne &Jacob Kritzer

Jacob Kritzerstrikes a pose

Out ’n About at Impulse Hair

in New Auburn

Date night is always done on impulse and never

planned!

I wanted Cheyenne to be in this photo, too!


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 2011 31783-7039

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2059: Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia.

Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.

2003 Ford F250 SuperdutyReg. Cab, 4X4, V10, 84k

Racing Go CartRacetrack Approved, New Motor

1994 Chevy Rack Body2WD, 6.5 Diesel, 87K

$10,500 $8,500$1,000

www.MandPautosales.com

2007 Chevy Equinox90K, AWD, Loaded, Leather

2006 Dodge Caravan40K, Runs Good

1997 Ford F150Reg. Cab, 4X4, 114K

$11,500 $5,500$7,995

M & P AUTO SALESRoosevelt Trail, North Windham • Call Scott Rioux at 892-0932 or 754-4867

2000 Chevy 6500 Car Carrier, 6 Speed, Diesel . . .$17,9951994 Chevy 3500 Rack Body, No Dump, Diesel . . .$8,5001992 Chevy 3500 Ambulance, V8, Auto . . . . . . . . .$2,995

Things are heating up...The weather’s getting nice and the deals

are even hotter! Come check us out!!

UP TO 45 MPH

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 201132

Time to lie on the beach. Yeah, I never tell the truth anywhere.

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2059: Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.

Out & About atEmerson Toyota

Andrew Colapietro

Eric Mortenson

Ron "Foxy" Fox

No, give me a call!

No, give ME

a call!!

Pick out one of those great lookingvehicles on pages 24

& 25 and give me a call.


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 2011 33783-7039

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2059: Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars cannow be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2059: George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2060.

"Helping the environment one job at a time"

Call us for a free quote to clean your business

K+L GREEN CLEAN, INC577-8725

Look for this K+L decal at local businesses in L-ACheck us out online at:

KandLGreenClean.com

www.LuiggisPizzeria.comSince 1953

GRILLED CHICKENWRAP $4.99

May Special

Substitute Whole Wheat Wrap +.30¢

GRILLED CHICKENSALAD SANDWICH

$4.50

272 South Main St. Auburn • www.deepseacreations.com • 1-888-782-4372 • 782-4372

Marine Fish • Coral • SuppliesMarine Fish • Coral • Supplies

Tropica l HarmonyAll your salt water tank

needs right here!

Get your snacks &ice cold beer herebefore hitting thearea golf courses!

Out & About atEmerson Toyota

SamanthaHolden

For a great deal on a Toyota,

come see me!

The PerishingParish

A pastor had had a badweek. On Sunday hewas very frustrated andhe began his sermon,"Everyone in thisparish is going to hell ifthey don't change theirways."

One man in the backbegan to laugh.

So the pastor said itagain louder.

The man continued tolaugh.

The pastor went backto him and asked himwhy he was laughing.

He answered, "Be-cause I don't belong tothis parish!"

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 201134

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2059: Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2059: 85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2059: IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75%.

Fred Brown, Shane Lacasse, Deanna Groves & Peter Michalak

NEW LOCATION!Across from Maine Oxy.

Two driveways down fromDoggz Inn in Auburn.

15 Pierce StreetAuburn 615-7057

WE PAY YOU!Maine’s Most Trusted Recycler

Automobile Batteries .............................$9*Alloy Rims .....................................$16 each*Catalytic Converters.........from $8 to $260*Starters/Alternators.....................$4 each*Computer Green Board Scraps........$2/lb.*Copper, Brass, Aluminum, Insulated Wire, Electric Motors, Radiators, Transmissions

*Prices subject to change to market conditions

Congratulations to everyone who quit smoking via Healthy Androscoggin's

Annual Quit & Win Program

Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.

Jean FournierJean C. Fournier, a rep-

resentative of ModernWoodmen of America,has been named to Mod-ern Woodmenʼs 2010Presidentʼs Cabinet. Thisdistinction recognizesFournierʼs high achieve-ment in life insurancesales and ranking amongthe organizationʼs toprepresentatives nation-wide.

Founded in 1883, Mod-ern Woodmen of Americatouches lives and securesfutures. The fraternal ben-efit society offers financialservices and fraternalmember benefits to indi-viduals and familiesthroughout the UnitedStates.

Our favorite restauranthas a waitress whosename-tag reads "Beautiful."

"Is that really yourname?" I asked her.

"No" she admitted."But if people are goingto holler at me all day, Ican at least be calledsomething I like."

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 201136

If Patrick Henry thought taxation was bad without representation... he should see it with!

A procrastinator's work is never done.

CHECK OUT www.secondchanceboxer.com

9 South Main Street Mechanic Falls, ME • (207) 345-8711 • 1-800-339-0414

AUTOS • HOMEOWNERS

MOTORCYCLES • BUSINESS

THE CUMMINGS AGENCY, INC. INSURANCE

Jeffrey R. Cummings • Nora W. Cummings

Nes

sie

Port

er

Boo

Dog gonnit…

We want your business!

Complete Auto & Truck Repair• Front End Alignments• Engine Diagnostics• Custom Exhaust• Tires, Batteries

10% OFFwith this ad

Ron Moon,Manager

35 Lewiston Rd. • Gray, ME 04039

• Transmission Flush• State Inspections• Complete Front End Work• Tune-ups

207-657-5000

HOURS: Mon.-Sat. 7am-9pm; Sun. 10am-8pm

May Special

$1 OFFAwesome ChickenSalad Sandwich*

600 Turner Street, Auburn784-3434

www.heidisauburn.com

Breakfast served all day!

includes choice of potato salad, cole slaw or chips & a pickle

*full size sandwich

LOCALLY OWNED AND OPERATED

Beer & Wine available

Feeding 8 or more people?Call for our boxed lunches & platters!



This is the pose of the Green

Ladle ninja!

Q: What do you calltwo Mexicans playingbasketball?

A: Juan on Juan!

THURSDAYSLine Dancing Lessons 6pmKaraoke 8pmBeer Pong Sign-ups 9pm

FRIDAYSLADIES NightDrink SpecialsDJ & Live Local Entertainment

SATURDAYSDJ & your favorites in Tribute Bands,Comedy Acts & More!

ENTERTAINMENT LINE-UP

Action-packedThursdays

with DJ B-Set at 9:30pm

FRIDAYS & SATURDAYSALWAYS A DJ IN THE PUB !

Fri. May 6th Psycho Stick & Guests

Sat. May 7th Back in Black AC/DC TributeOpening Act: Stronghold

Fri. May 13th Under the Covers

Sat. May 14th Strict9

Sun. May 15th Head to Head Tour featuring Mushroomhead & Hed Pe

Fri. May 20th Prospect Hill & Guests

Sat. May 21st Tickle

May 26-28 Memorial Weekend Party (see below)

150 Center St. Auburn • 784-7785 • ClubTexas.info

A show you don’t want

to miss!

See below FMI

Saturday, May 21st

Maine’s Premier

Dance Band

T ICKLETICKLE

Thur., Fri. & Sat. May 26-28th

Memorial Weekend Party

Thurs. Thee Olives Dude Vodka Promo

Fri. & Sat. Gritty’s Draft Specials!

Saturday, May 14thSTRICT9

Save the Date!!Sat. June 4th

Dead Season CD Release Party w/ Mechanical Bull

BEST DAMN ROCK SHOW... PERIOD!!

You've got to spend money to lose money.

Worrying is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.

Irish Twins Pub743 Main St., Lewiston • 376-3088 (across from Marden’s)

Hours: Tues.& Wed. 3pm-close • Thurs. & Fri. 11am-close • Sat. 4pm-close

DON’T FORGET... Live EntertainmentEvery Wednesday, Thursday,

Friday & Saturday

EVERY WEDNESDAY!

Bike Night 2011Every Wednesday NightOutside under the tents

Starts at 6:00pm$1.50 Drafts

1/2 price appetizersLive Entertainment

& much more!

Comecheck it out!

Open Mic coming soon onTuesday Nights!

Saturday,May 14th

Outside under the tents!Party starts at 6pm • Live music from Veggies By Day starts at 7pm

Join us for tons of fun, drink specials and lots more!

Don’t miss it!

Out & About atTabers on

opening day

Darren & DonLeighton

There's no better place to

practice your golf swingthen on the mats at

Tabers...

...except on the grass tee-up areas son,

I prefer hitting off my own wooden

tees...

Matt Myrickat The Golf Shack

Come on out and hit a bucket of

balls. I'd like to see you try to hit the Pepsi or Country

Kitchen signs!


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 2011 39783-7039 Archaeologists will date any old thing.

The police have stopped my husband so many times for speeding, they decided to just give him a season ticket.

A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing and the lawn mower is broken.

Now Accepting

New Students

786-686125 Mary St., Lewiston

MARCHING TO THE SAME BEAT

Scott Jon Alex

Our grandfather is the best drumteacher around!

• Guitar • Piano • Bass• Voice • Banjo • Mandolin• Violin • Music theory • Brass & woodwinds

We also sell and service all types of instruments

134 Main Street, Auburnwww.mainstreetmusiclessons.com

Now booking summer lessons!

376-3376

Main St. Music Lessons& Instrument RepairAuthorized

Service Center

Lunch & DinnerOpen 7 Days a Week

134 Main Street, Lewiston783-6200

Also visit our Brunswick location at One Center St., Brunswick

PEDRO O’ Hara’sIrish • Mexican • American

Cinco de MayoThurs. May 5th

Anybody home?

Every Sunday at the Lisbon V.F.W.Mouth-watering food, cash bar, door prizes & giveaways

Listen and dance to your favorite hits of the 50s & 60s

Lisbon V.F.W. • 52 Lisbon Rd. in Lisbon

FMI call 689-3591 or 353-5291

email: [email protected]

6pm-11pmOur Sock Hop!House of Lady Debra Presents...

Stump Dr. Love!!Live D.J. ~ Music starts at 7pm

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 201140Washable: What a cowboy does very carefully.

I've spent most of my life golfing - the rest I've just wasted.

I'm nobody's fool, but am available for adoption. – Uncle Andy

[email protected]

Broad Street BandCentral Maine’s Premiere Classic Rock Dance Band

www.broadstreetband.net

May 5 @ Pedro O’Hara’s, Lewiston

May 7 @ Fastbreaks, Lewiston

May 14 @ Poland Spring Inn, Poland

May 21 @ Clubhouse Tavern, Livermore

May 27 @ Schemengees, Lewiston

June 4 @ Fastbreaks, Lewiston

Broad Street BandIsn't it time you threw

yourself a party?We’d love to perform at your

outdoor BBQ this summer!

Out & About atTabers on

opening day

Emily Chouinard& Shae Godbout

Stop by Taber's for a

delicious meal and someice cream, we'd be happy to take your

order.

Boy, doesn’t it feel good to be out

here swinging the clubs!

Mrs. Blackie &Steve Jordan


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 2011 41783-7039

Hundreds of kids are shipped off to Mime Boarding School every year, never to be heard from again.

It could be worse: there could be 35 teachers for every student.


Eric BennettMaine Family Federal CreditUnion announces the hiring ofEric Bennett.

Bennett, the newest teller inLewiston, previously was em-ployed at Old Orchard BeachPizza and Tim Hortons. He isexcited to be working for MaineFamily because he loves people.


You are eligible to become amember of Maine Family CreditUnion if you reside, work, wor-ship, attend school, or have im-mediate family members whoreside within our field of mem-bership of AndroscogginCounty. Simply opening a shareaccount with a minimum de-posit of $25.00. See our ad onpage 51.

In 2000, studiesrevealed that cocoabeans contain largeamounts of naturalantioxidants that helpto reduce the risk ofcardiovasculardisease.

May 28-30, 2011

Simard-Payne Memorial Park(Off Lincoln Street in Lewiston)

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 201142

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2059: Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba.

Christine Emily

studio for hair, nails & massage20 Coburn Street, Auburn • 782-9009

(Off Center St., across from D’Angelos)Open Monday-Saturday

Get your Spring highlights, cuts, styles, manicures, pedicures & waxing today!

Micaela

GET SHELLACKED!

www.panachehairandnailstudio.com

Now Offering Shellac Manicures.Call for an appointment.

Daniel Michelle Jen Cindy Elizabeth Lynn

“Ticket” Auction

Saturday, May 7thBidding from 11:00-1:00Auction from 1:00-3:00

St. Phillip’s Church, Rte. 4, Auburn

To benefit Michele “Mikki” Swiftin her 3rd battle with breast cancer

Hundreds of Items • 50/50 RaffleKids Table • Grab Bag • Face Painting

Hot Dogs & Baked Goods

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2059: Average height of NBA players is now nine feet seven inches.

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2059: Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines.Not Telling

A friend of mine was inthe hospital awaitingthe arrival of her firstchild. When I tele-phoned the hospital tosee if the baby had ar-rived, the nurse said ithad.

I asked if it was a boyor girl and was told thatit was against hospitalpolicy to give this infor-mation over the phone.

"Fine," I said. "I canunderstand that. Butcan you tell me whatshe didn't have?"

"It wasn't a boy," camethe reply.


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 2011 43783-7039

The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.

"Laughter is the tonic, the relief, the surcease for pain." – Charlie Chaplin

Emily Desmarais

at Pipsqueaks

I love shopping at

Pipsqueaks! Jump topage 49 to learn

more...

Following Orders

As we stood in forma-tion at the PensacolaNaval Air Station, ourFlight Instructor said,"All right! All you idiotsfall out."

As the rest of thesquad wandered away,I remained at attention.

The Instructor walkedover until he was eye-to-eye with me, andthen just raised a single eyebrow.

I smiled and said,"Sure was a lot of 'em,huh sir?"

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 201144

"Before you can win, you have to believe you are worthy." – Mike Ditka

"You learn something every day if you pay attention." – Ray LeBlond

Expert Custom Framing!Quality Personal Service!!

Along with the best selection offrames and mats for prints, pictures

or keepsakes.23 Cross Street, Auburn • 786-4333

Dan Williams, owner

Framing Made SimpleMetal Frame(silver, black

or gold)

Regular Glass

Foam CoreBacking

8x10.............................$1016x20...........................$2020x24...........................$3024x36...........................$40

Affordable, everyday pricing – just for

you! Stop in or call for more info.

481 Maine St. • Poland Spring, MaineJoseph Cimino • Roger [email protected]

207-998-2806207-576-9535207-576-1553



Yes, I will your guide on this

3-hour tour. Follow meto Captain Don’s

Loft...

Q: For what kind oftooth can you be surethe tooth fairy will leaveexactly one dollar?

A: A buck tooth

97 Ash St., Lewiston • 783-0668

Live Entertainment WeekendsFri. May 6th TBASat. May 7th Veggies by DayFri. May 13th Black Cat RoadSat. May 14th SköshFri. May 20th TBASat. May 21st Veggies by DayFri. May 27th TBASat. May 28th Ascent to Power

Free WiFi

Open JamThursdays


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 2011 45783-7039

Ditch the driving test for an I.Q. test.

"An idea that is clear and precise even though false will always have greater power in the world than an idea that is true but complex." – Alexis de Tocqueville

120 Center Street, Auburn

784-9900www.AuburnGoinPostal.com

We can ship anything... Anywhere!(well, almost anything)

• UPS, FedEx & DHL shipping• Packaging Services• eBay• Mailboxes and more!

PAYROLLMANAGEMENT, INC.

783-6880 or 800-734-6880 • www.payrollmgt.com

We guarantee you will save time by reducingthe hours spent producing payroll information

and preparing payroll registers, quarterly, andyear to date payroll reports.

100 Manley Road, Auburn

SAVE VALUABLE TIME!Whether you’re a one-person company or a several hundred-person company,

time is an issue.

Out & About for The Galloup School of Lutherie Seminar at Main St. Music Lessons

Sam Guidryexplains the fundamentals of Guitar setup

Denny Breaupicks on a Custom Galloup guitar & performs original songs

at an intimate performance after the Lutherie Seminar

Denny Breau & Colleen Poulin

Whales die if their echo system fails.

Best Excuses If You Get Caught Sleeping In Your Cubicle: I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!

782-5920www.MadisonAveSalon.net

Doesn’t damage your hairUses real human hair

Lisa TinderCertified in NEO Extensions

24 Colors:Colors can betoned to matchexisting hair!

No matter how bad it gets, I'm rich at the dollar store.

Out & About at Hot Stuff Tanning &

Wellness Center

Shanan Mendenhall& Broch Bissonette

Laura Pendexter of Strip T's

Kelli Gilzow &Julie Kramarz

of Xtreme Fitness at Hot Stuff Tanning

Introducing our newest stylist...


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 2011 47783-7039

Grandchildren are God's way of compensating us for growing old. – Mary H. Waldrip

Grandmother-grandchild relationships are simple. Grandmas are short on criticism and long on love. – Author Unknown

You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother. – Proverb

20 Maple Street • Mechanic Falls345-3765 • Open 7 days 9am-5pm

Richard Conway, owner

10% MOREEarn

with any amount of bottles with this coupon!

Expires 5/31/11

Mechanic Falls Redemption

We’re across from the car wash,

just down from Future Foods. Anddefinitely worth

the trip!

5 Pigeon Hill Road �Route 26 and 11�, Mechanic Falls • 998-5577Egg-ceptional Restaurant & Bakery

�Home of the Double Yolker�Breakfast served all day

Superb service • Handicap accessibleComfortable family atmosphere

DAILY SPECIALS FOR BREAKFAST & LUNCHMon-Fri 7am to 2pm

Sat & Sun 6am to 2pm

Finish a full-sizeomelette and have

your picture put onour wall of fame!

Chris Allen of Auburn

Wall of Fame Inductee

Good to the last

bite!

Deb Wagemann

Deborah J. Wagemann,a representative of Mod-ern Woodmen of America,has been named to Mod-ern Woodmenʼs 2010Presidentʼs Cabinet. Thisdistinction recognizesWagemannʼs highachievement in life insur-ance sales and rankingamong the organizationʼstop representatives na-tionwide.

Founded in 1883, Mod-ern Woodmen of Americatouches lives and securesfutures. The fraternal ben-efit society offers financialservices and fraternalmember benefits to indi-viduals and familiesthroughout the UnitedStates.

"When we walk to theedge of all the light wehave and take the stepinto the darkness of theunknown, we must be-lieve that one of twothings will happen.There will be some-thing solid for us tostand on or we will betaught to fly."

– Patrick Overton

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 201148

NEW Church Bulletin Bloopers: Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and otheritems to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Bizarre things to say and do to a telephone solicitor to get him to hang up and leaveyou alone: "So, what are you wearing?"


Wellness Center

Justin & Alex Tardif,Stacy Dennis &Michelle Borden

Matt Gilbert w/ hisWakisashi Sword &Steven Gilbert

Xtreme Martial Arts Students

Misty EdgecombME Massage Therapy

Get your tan on right here!

It’s Hot Stuff!!

730 Center Street, AuburnAuburn Plaza, next to Flagship Cinema

376-4855

Sushi Bar

Japanese • Korean • Thai

Executive Sushi Chef from Bostonevery weekend

No MSG

Every dish can be prepared vegetarian

Daily Lunch Specials 11-2:30

Full Bar

www.jasminecafemaine.com

Grand Opening

Celebrationall month

long!

Now Open!

$5 OFFPurchase of $25

or moreLimit one per visit

Expires 5/31/11


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 2011 49783-7039

Interpreting Hotel Brochures: Pre-registered rooms ........ Already occupied

Interpreting Hotel Brochures: Cozy ........................ Small

Interpreting Hotel Brochures: No extra fees ............... No extras

Kut ‘Em Up Lawn KareKut ‘Em Up Lawn KareCOMMERCIAL/RESIDENTIAL

Mowing • Spring Cleanup • Branches • LeavesLawn Seeding • Mulching • Hedge Trimming

Snowplowing • Free Estimates • Fully Insured

COMMERCIAL/RESIDENTIALMowing • Spring Cleanup • Branches • LeavesLawn Seeding • Mulching • Hedge Trimming

Snowplowing • Free Estimates • Fully Insured

$10 OFFFirst Lawn Mowing

with 1-year contract

Brian LaFontaine

240-4448240-4448

CALL TODAY!

96 Sabattus Road, Sabattus 375-7100

We buy and sell gently usedchildren’s items!

Clothing, toys, furnitureand everything in between!

Newborn thru Kids sizes

$5 OFFYour $25 purchase!

Must present coupon or mention ad • Expires 5/31/11

Kids Love Our ClothesMoms Love Our Prices

Frequent Shoppers Program enables you to save

even more SHOP MORE $AVE MORE!

Ask us how!!


Wellness Center

Paige & Rick GonyaXtreme Martial Arts Students

Just kickin' it!

Gotcha

Farmer Josh killed apig and hung it up forthe night, intending tobutcher it in the morn-ing, but the next day itwas gone. He didn't tella soul about it, andnothing happened formore than two months.

Then another farmer,who lived down theroad, came by andsaid, "By the way Josh,did you ever find outwho stole your pig?"

"Nope," said Josh. "Notuntil just now."

"Sometimes your joy isthe source of yoursmile, but sometimesyour smile can be thesource of your joy."

-- Thich Nhat Hanh

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 201150Interpreting Hotel Brochures: Deluxe ...................... Standard

Interpreting Hotel Brochures: Standard .................... Sub-standard

YTH2042 Yard Tractor

Price...$1599

Price...$399Price...$1699

Micaela Kellyof Lewiston has recentlyjoined the crew at PanacheStudio for Hair, Nails andMassage at 20 Coburn Streetin Auburn. Micaela is a 2007Graduate of St. Doms Acad-emy and also graduated inJuly 2010 from The PaulMitchell Hair School inTampa, Florida. The PaulMitchell School is designedto teach stylists the skillsthey need, inspire them toexplore their passion andcreativity, and help themlearn the business that willmake their careers in thebeauty industry fun and re-warding. Micaela specializesin colors & cuts, but her fa-vorite thing to do is updos;she also offers manicuresand pedicures. For an ap-pointment with Micaela con-tact Panache today at782-9009. Panache is a fullservice hair, nail and mas-sage studio. They offer cuts,colors & highlights, exten-sions, updos, perms, wax-ing, manicures & pedicures,artificial nails and massageservices. Panache is locatedjust off Center Street inAuburn at 20 Coburn Streetand are open Monday thruSaturday. Check out their adon page 42.

Micaela Kelly joins

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Jimbo & Travis

MAY 201152Interpreting Hotel Brochures: Superior .................... One free shower cap

Interpreting Hotel Brochures: Knowledgeable trip hosts .... They've flown in an airplane before

Month of May

Taylor Brook Mall14 Millett Drive, Auburn

782-3457www.annsflower.com

Ann’s Flowers

PromsRecitalsGraduationNurse�s DayMother�s DayMemorial Day

In 1974, Ted Gian-noulas debuted as theSan Diego Chicken.Giannoulas took a jobfor a radio station in1974 to dress up as achicken and deliverEaster eggs at the SanDiego Zoo. He didsuch a good job thatthe radio station askedhim to appear in thesame outfit at a SanDiego Padres game.The rest is history.

Magic Show Fund Raiserto benefit

The Conn Family of Turner

Master illusionist Lyn Dillies has mesmerized audiences of all agesthroughout the U.S. and Canada for over 2 decades. Hailed as thefinest female magician in the land, Lyn’s engaging personality,along with the hypnotic lighting effects and dynamic music of hershow, wrap the audience in a blanket of spectacular, eye-defying il-lusions that keep them saying, “How did she do that?”Appearing on numerous TV shows, Lyn has shared the stage withsuch notable entertainers as Marvin Hamlisch, Jeff Dunham, Bill

Engval, Crystal Gayle. and Mikhail Baryshnikov. One of the proudest moments of Lyn’scareer was when she became the first illusionist in magic history to make two live Asianelephants, Ruth and Emily, appear in succession. In 2009 she received the prestigiousMerlin award from the International Magician’s Society for Female Illusionist of the Year.

Lyn Dallies

Heidi Conn has very recently, unexpectedly, become a para-plegic. Medical costs are huge as she bravely learns to adjust toher new circumstances. Both Heidi and her husband Doug arelife-long educators who live in Turner. They have spent a life-time helping others. It is time for us to help them. Please help.

What? World Class Magician at Leavitt Area HS, Turner

Spaghetti Supper

Basket Auction/Games and Prizes

What? May 21, 2011. Two shows, matinee and evening

How Much? Adults $20 • Students $10 • Under 5 free if on lap

America’s Premier Female IllusionistAmazing! Dynamic! Spectacular!

Rt. 100 • New GloucesterHours: Mon-Fri 8am-10pm • Sat-Sun 7am - 10pm 926-3434 Breakfast Served Daily until 11am

Spring into Mario’s!!

Call ahead for takeout or enjoy a meal in our full service dining room!!

I’m headin’ toMario’s!

The Little Place with the Great Taste

Just$8.95100% Lobster Salad Roll

Handcut FriesMini Whoopie Pie

May Special!

Check us out online at www.mariositalianmaine.com


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 2011 53783-7039

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2059: Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2059: A Couple Finally Had Sexual Harmony, They Had Simultaneous Headaches.

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2059: Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

782-2088150 Mill Street, Lewiston

www.davinciseatery.com

Pizza BuffetEvery Tuesday Night - 5pm-8pm

$9.50/pp

$5 Children 10 & under

Soup, Salad & Pizza

120 CENTER STREET PLAZA • AUBURN • 786-0715 • www.gippers.com

VOTED #1 Casual Restaurant & Best Burgers in L/A area

HOURS: Sun–Thurs 11:00am – 11:00pm • Fri & Sat 11:00am – Midnight

Open Mother’s Day!Full menu available

Catch every Red Sox

Game on NESN HD

SAY HELLO TO THE FUTURE!

Shellac® isa breakthrough, patent-pending UV3 tech-nology that combines theease of polish with the per-manence of gels. A true innovation in chip- free, extended-wear color. Shellac® applies like a pol-ish-no pots-just a bottleand brush. And removaltakes just 10 minutes! Nofiling. No Drills. The re-sults? 14-day, glorious,high-gloss shine thats trulyaddictive! With 24 colorsto choose from there'ssure to be a shade you'llwant. And you can saygood-bye to “Is it Dry”time and hello to Zero DryTIME. Shellac® has no drytime because it is UV curedreach in your purse, grabyour keys, grab the wheeland drive off with the con-fidence that you haven'tjust ruined your polish. Nomore wear, chips orscratches, no more signsof wear.. just 2 weeks ofperfect, high-gloss shine.Isn't it time you get shel-lacked? For the perfectnails to compliment thatperfect look you strive for,contact Perfect ImageSalon & Spa today by call-ing 777-1611. PerfectImage Salon & Spa is lo-cated at 336 Center Street,in The Harvard Mall inAuburn. They offer com-plete hair services, spamanicures & pedicures,body treatments, facialsand massage services. Seetheir ad on page 55 FMI.

at Perfect Image Salon & Spa

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Jimbo & Travis

MAY 201154

"You may live in an imperfect world but the frontiers are not closed and the doors are not all shut." – Maxwell Maltz

"If wrinkles must be written upon our brows, let them not be written upon the heart. The spirit should never grow old." – James A. Garfield

Nervous ExpectationSubmitted by Jimbo

Tired from waiting fortheir overdue baby, mydaughter and her hus-band broke the monot-ony one night with atrip to the movies. Mydaughter went inside toget seats while myson-in-law bought pop-corn and drinks in thelobby.

Paying for the refresh-ments, my son-in-lawknocked over his soda.The clerk mopped upthe mess and refilledhis cup. Rattled, hethen joined his wife.Talking over the back-ground music, he dra-matically described hisembarrassing episode.One of his expressivegestures upset thebucket of popcorn. Hesheepishly headedback to the lobby.

When he was out ofearshot, the woman sitting next to mydaughter turned andsaid, "You're not goingto let him hold thebaby, are you?"

Q: What is black andwhite and red all over?A: A newspaper

Q: What is black andwhite and red all over?A: A skunk with a sun-burn

Q: What is black andwhite and red all over?A: A zebra with a rash


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 2011 55783-7039

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2059: New federal law requires that all nail clippers,screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2060.

336 Center St., Auburn777-1611

Now Offering SHELLAC Manicures

Call FMI

May Special

$10 OFFAny Facial or Massage

Out & About forThe Galloup School of

Lutherie Seminar atMain St Music Lessons

Sam Guidrytunes a guitar

Sam Guidryof The Galloup School of Lutherie

If you missed this great

seminar and need yourguitar setup properly,bring it down to Main

St Music, you'll be in good hands!

Sam Guidry & DennyBreau share a laugh beforeDenny picks on a custom

made Galloup Guitar

Denny Breauadmires the custom-made Galloup Guitar

Carroll Poulinowner of the former Carroll's Music, enjoysburning the last damagedLaSiDo Guitars from hisformer music store. Anyguitars that arrived fromLaSiDo damaged & un-repairable from ship-ping, had to be destroyedper LaSiDo.

Mon-Tues-Wed 7:30-4:00 (until patio opens)Thu-Fri 7:30-10:00 • Sat. 11:00-10:00

84 Court St, Auburn 333-3041

www.hollysown.com

Deli Downstairs Dining Room Upstairs

Hol ly Mi reau l t , Owner

4th AnniversaryCelebration

Try Nick’s 4 Soups

Served Daily

Patio opening soon!Come party with us

May 7th to celebrate4 years!

Need Catering?

• Graduations

• Weddings

• Birthdays

• Mother’s Day

We do it all!

Live Music on the weekends

May 7thBig Night withBROOKSIDEBLUES BANDDont’ Miss it!

Food & Drink SpecialsAll Month Long

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 201156

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2059: France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2059: Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

TAYLOR BROOK DENTAL ASSOCIATES 784-1577

Why Choose Taylor Brook Dental?• Experienced, professional and courteous staff

• We’ve rolled back pricing to 2008 levels!

• Clean, modern facility with plenty of parking

• We offer Cosmetic & Preventative Dentistry Services all under one roof

• We accept the following insurances:Northeast Delta Dental, Delta Dental, State of Maine & Cigna

• We have Care Credit & SpringBrook Patient Financingavailable

• Our mission is to help our patients achieve extraordinarydental health


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 2011 57783-7039 Capitalism is man exploiting man. Socialism is the other way around.

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2059: Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.

27 MILLETT DRIVE, AUBURN • TAYLORBROOKDENTAL.COM

TAYLOR BROOKDENTAL ASSOCIATES

Taylor Brook DentalOur dentists serve patients in Auburn, Lewiston, Poland,Minot, and surrounding towns. We are here to providequality, comprehensive dental treatment in a friendly,

caring atmosphere. Our goal is to help the patientachieve optimal dental heath throughout their lifetime

Wide-Ranging ServicesOur dental services include crowns, bridges,

dentures, dental extractions, tooth whitening,cosmetic dentistry, root canal, fluoride treat-ment, and all other major areas of dentistry.

$AVE HERE!TAYLOR BROOKDENTAL ASSOCIATES

We’ve rolled back to our2008 pricing!

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 201158

Watch your step carefully! Everyone else does!

A rich man is the one who isn't afraid to ask the clerk to see something cheaper.

SAVE GAS - RIDE A GOLF CART• Campers • Senior Citizens• Campground and RV Owners• Free Delivery - 40 mile radius• Conversion Lift Kits • 4 passenger cars

497 Washington St. Auburn • 783-3232

HUGESALE



• Driveway, Walkway & Parking Lot Sealing

• Crack & Pot Hole Repair...and more

Clean, ProfessionalFree Estimates

and all at rates lower than our competitors

Stick With Me

Gary 577-8783


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 2011 59783-7039 Families are like fudge . . .mostly sweet, with a few nuts.

"A note of music gains significance from the silence on either side." – Anne Morrow Lindbergh

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

• Excavating• Concrete• Septic System Installation• Water or Sewer Connections• Retaining Walls• Screened Loam & Gravel Delivery

Residential Projects – We Do That!

Call for your FREE quote!

20 Highland Spring Road, Lewistonwww.stlaurentandson.com • 784-7944

Locally owned and operated since 1970

Call for your FREE quote!

www.cassiels.com

Simple SerenityExpress Facial

1/2 Hour MassageParaffin Treatment

Sweet BlissEuropean Facial1 Hour Massage

Paraffin Treatment

71 East Avenue • Lewiston, Maine

(207) 783-3321

Pure IndulgenceEuropean Facial1 Hour Massage

Spa Manicure & Pedicure

The Royal Treatment1 Hour European Facial

1 Hour MassageSpa Manicure & Pedicure

Haircut & StyleBare Minerals Make-Up Application

Luncheon Plate Served

Gift Cards Are Always Available

Pamper your Mother with one of ourspa packages this Mother’s Day! Growing their Family

Dawn JessemanMaine Family Federal CreditUnion announces the hiring ofDawn Jesseman.

Dawn, the newest teller inAuburn, previously was em-ployed at the Child Health Cen-ter in Oxford as a ChildcareTeacher. She brings years ofbookkeeping experience toMaine Family as well. She is ex-cited to be working for MaineFamily because it has a familyfeel to it.



Q: In what school doyou learn to makeice cream?

A: In Sunday School

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 201160

Never give the devil a ride; he will always want to drive.

It is unfortunate that, as we grow up, nature robs us of the knowledge of what youngsters are always giggling about.

Out & About at the Summerfest Shootout

A fundraiser for Windham Summerfest

All photos by Port City Photography


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 2011 61783-7039

"If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough." – Mario Andretti

"Peace is not merely a distant goal that we seek, but a means by which we arrive at that goal." - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

"Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian." – Robert Orben

Smooth Sailing

Last summer my wifeand I met a couple at arestaurant. After lunch,the women decided togo shopping, and I in-vited the man to go sail-ing. While we were outon the water, a stormblew up. The tide hadgone out, and we weredown wind trying towork our way backthrough a narrow chan-nel. At one point theboat grounded and wehad to climb overboardand shove with all ourmight to get it back indeeper water.

As my new friend stoodthere, ankle deep inmuck, the wind blowinghis hair wildly, rainstreaming down hisface, he grinned at me,and with unmistakablesincerity said, "Surebeats shopping."

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 201162

I use my cookbook often -- to throw at people who suggest I cook.(Uncle Andyʼs suggests you throw away your cookbooks and go to Village Inn...)

"Painting is poetry which is seen and not heard, and poetry is a painting which is heard and not seen." – Leonardo da Vinci

You can't kill time without injuring eternity.

20 Highland Spring Road, Lewiston333-3707 • www.MaineHeavy.com

Suspension Service • Oil ChangesInspections • Roadside Assistance

Turn Rotors • Summerize RV’sTune Ups & Much More!

LIGHT & HEAVY DUTY TRUCK SERVICE & REPAIRS

You can come to us or we can go to you!You can come to us or we can go to you!

Her Nana is Lisa atGreat Falls FCU,Lewiston Branch

Hop over to Great Falls Credit

Union... my Nana has agreat loan rate just

for you!

"I don't know who mygrandfather was; I ammuch more concernedto know what hisgrandson will be."

-- Abraham Lincoln

165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796 • Open Tuesday - Sunday • www.villageinnmaine.com

THE VOTES ARE IN!2011 Chili & Chowder Challenge

FIRST PLACEBest Tasting Chowder

Judges’ Choice

SECOND PLACEBest Tasting Chowder

People’s Choice

THIRD PLACEBest Display

Outdoor PatioNow Open!

Michael Valee Sr. & Mitchell Valee

Stop in for a bowl of our award-winning chowder or one ofmany other delicious menu items!

– FULL BAR –


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 2011 63783-7039

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

HARRIS BROTHERS

HARRISBROS.

Call us!No Separating Required!

743-3891PO Box 2002 • Norway, Maine 04268

SERVING: NORWAY • WEST PARISMINOT • MCFALLS • OXFORD

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

Nick’s Mowers & Blowers

784-3676PawsInMotionGrooming.com

IT’S SPRING

MAKEOVER TIME!

PAWS IN MOTION

PET GROOMING

577-1816

SPRING TUNE-UPSMaintenance

and minor repair of small engines doneright at your home!

14 Highland Spring Plaza, Suite AHighland Spring Road, Lewiston

Hours: Tues. Wed. & Thu. 6am - 8pmFri. 6am - 3pm • Sat. 8am - 1pm786-4311

Ann Dumais Kelly Giambra Sue Poulin Kim Galgovitch Lisa Olmstead Pauline Guimond Lysa Ronan Valerie Kelshaw Jacinta Labbe

We are a full service salonWe Now Offer WiFi

would like to wish all our moms a very special Mother’s Day!Honor her with a gift card for any of our professional services.

Happy Mother’s Day

Dad!Knock, Knock?

Wanda. Wanda have

some more chili? Wanda who?

1

5 4

3

Out & About atthe 8th Annual

Chili & ChowderTaste Challenge

Who’s there?2

Sadie &Ken fromRolly’sDiner

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 201164

Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.

Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them,"because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.

22 Albiston Way, Auburn

784-57881-800-377-9433

WWW.MAINEOXY.COM

V-Head Jack Stand

$44.99 ea

Out & About atthe Sebago Lakes

Chamber’s Business Break

Dave Garry,owner of Thatcherʼs

in Windhamtalks with attendees

Rachel Phinneybelieves that momentum isbuilding for the upcoming

chamber golf tourney

Alan Freedmanwill be signing

autographs all day


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 2011 65783-7039

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.

Out & About atthe Sebago Lakes

Chamber’s Business Break

Tom Nash, Emily Wainwright & Melissa OʼBrien

Red is cool hot

Mark Wasowskishowing off his new redbelt he just got in karate

Barbara Clark &Rep. Gary Plummer

discussing how red istheir new favorite color

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 201166

It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

A Maine Tradition

You Can Count On!

Portland-Lewiston Road, Gray • 657-4714 • www.ColeFarms.comJUST ONE MILE NORTH OFF EXIT 63 OF MAINE TURNPIKE

BREAKFAST BUFFET

SATURDAY & SUNDAY Now open from 7am-11am

Adults .............$6.95

6 & under .......$3.95

Tuesday - Yankee Pot Roast . . . .$7.95w/Carrots, Potato & Gravy, Rolls

Wednesday - Chicken Pot Pie . . .$6.95w/Potato & Rolls

Friday - Lasagna . . . . . . . . . . . .$8.95w/Salad & Rolls

Sunday - Roast Pork . . . . . . . . .$8.95w/Potato, Choice of Salad, Coleslaw or Vegetable & Rolls

Hours:Monday-Thursday 6am – 9pm;

Friday 6am – 9:30pm; Saturday 6am – 9:30pm; Sunday 6am – 9pm

Friday & SaturdayAfter 4:00 PM

Prime Rib Au Jus*Small $13.25 • Large $15.95

Friday, Saturday & SundayFried Haddock* $11.25

Fried or Baked Stuffed Haddock* Small $9.75 • Large $13.25

Fried Seafood Combo* $16.95

Baked Salmon $10.95includes Potato, Choice of Salad or Cloeslaw

*with Potato, Choice of Salad, Coleslaw or Vegetable & Rolls Carl Wing & Moyle Evans

WEEKDAY LUNCH SPECIALS

Monday - Maine Fried ShrimpTuesday - Fish & ChipsWednesday - Steak SubThursday - Grilled Reuben SandwichFriday - Fried Haddock Sandwich

Served from 10:30-3:30

Great company, attentive waitstaff & fantastic food!

What more couldanyone want?




Ladies and gentlemen, start your

engines! Oh, I’ve alwayswanted to say

that!!

The actress Kim Cattrell from theshow Sex in the City...yeah, I know, she looks

just like me.


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 2011 67783-7039 You're never too old to learn something stupid.

When in doubt, mumble.

207-739-9022Commercial or Residential

• Lawn care

• Landscaping

• Seasonal Cleanups

• Stone Work

• Seeding

• Hedge Trimming

• Annual & Perennials Durginslawnandlandscape .comDurginslawnandlandscape .com

May Special

$10 OFFFirst lawn mowing

New accounts only

Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.

HALL IMPLEMENT CO.Jct. 202 & 302 at the rotary - Windham

892-6894

HALL IMPLEMENT CO.

892-6894hallimplementco.com

Mon.-Fri. 7:00-5:00 Sat. 7:30-12:00

CELEBRATING

50 YEARS

Offer valid until 5/31/11

$600OFF

X500 Tractor




783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 201168

Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

NEW Church Bulletin Bloopers: Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.




Ok, I want everyone in this column to look to

their right.

Windham Automotive

892-1212385 Roosevelt Trail, Windham

Saturday, June 18thDon’t miss the...

And be sure to stop by Ron’s Mexican Cantina & Grill.

All proceeds are donated to Camp Sunshine! Thank you for

your continued support!!

Sponsored by:

Always aCamp Sunshinedonation destination!

Employee Appreciation

Today we would like to thank Albert for his service to our company. Albert is someone whodoes not know the meaning of impossible task, who does not know the meaning of lunchbreak, who does not understand the meaning of the word no. So we chipped in togetherand bought Albert a dictionary.


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 2011 69783-7039

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytalebegins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this sh**..."

Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

Located on Rt. 115 in North Windham • 892-8220

A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.

Dave & Maggie Garry, Owners

Stop in and find out for yourself why people

keep coming back!

Hours: Mon - Sat 11am - 10pm • Sun 12 - 8pm

RESTAURANT 892-9922907 Roosevelt Trail in Windham

Casual Dining in a Relaxed Atmosphere

✹ Easy on the pocketbook ✹ Great for the whole family

FANTASTIC FOODFAIR PRICESFAMILY FRIENDLYFULL MENU & BAR

Try Thatcher’sToday!

It would be ourHONOR to serve

you a great meal.




Shake ‘n bake...Shakin’ ‘n bakin’!

The ladies really dig this stuff...

Ricky Bobby, right tries toexplain his version of

“Shake ʻn Bake” to Derek

Hot & Cold Buffet-Style Catering

Professional service at an affordable priceTry Dad’s Place for your next event!

There’s NO PLACE like...

345-9009

Call Diana or Larry for more info and pricing

Dad’s PlaceDad’s Placewww.dadsplace.infoCatering Division

LET US TAKE THE HEADACHE OUT OF YOUR SUMMER FUNCTION!Weddings

No catering job too small or too big!

Family Reunions

Summer BBQ

Corporate Functions


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 2011 71783-7039

If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer...oh wait, he does.

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

LEWISTON541 Lisbon Street, Lewiston • 784-4029 92 Pleasant Street, Brunswick • 725-2797

For All Your Commercial & Personal Insurance Needs

BILODEAU INSURANCE AGENCY2 locations to serve your needs

BRUNSWICK

MOM’S PLAY FREEon Mother’s Day

ONE PAYS! TWO PLAY!Pay just one green fee and a friend plays free. Or, pay for two green fees and two play free.

www.springmeadowsgolf.com

Monday Night ScramblesMake your own team or sign up as a single.

Call the club for more information.

GOLF CLUB ATCOLE FARMS

2 for 1Must present this coupon to receive one free green fee for each paidgreen fee. Cart fee mandatory for each player. May not be combined

with other offers. Good for 18 holes, Mon. thru Thurs. all day, Fri. thruSun. after 1 p.m. excluding holidays, tournaments and twilight play.

Route 100 in Gray • Just minutes from Turnpike Exit 63For tee times contact Ben Morey at 657-2586

Senior LeagueEVERY TUESDAY

MORNINGCall the club for more

information

with one paid greens feeCart is additionalCall the club FMI

Sunday,May 8th




Ricky Bobby wonders if he has what it takes this year to win!

If that guy is Ricky Bobby then I’m Jean Girard and I’m gonna beat him

bad!

I’m so fast I’ll make your

head spin!

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 201172We are all time travelers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour.

America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.

To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.

COMPLETE SPRING CLEAN-UP

All landscaping materials delivered!Mulch sold by the bag or by the truckload!

We sweep away our competition with fair competitive pricing!

FREE ESTIMATESResidential or Commercial

M&P Property Management1339 Sabattus Street, Lewiston

Moe 577-0690 • Scott 402-5108 • [email protected]

Lawns, Driveways, Parking lots and more!YEAR ROUND SERVICES AVAILABLE

FULLY INSURED!

Paving Available - Competitive Prices & High Quality Work

A woman sitting athome on the lakeporch with her husbandand she says, "I loveyou."

He asks, "Is that you orthe wine talking?"

She replies, "It's me...talking to the wine."

Coffee Choices

In our home we tend toget the children to helpout. One day ouryoungest son came into the living room andasked, "Does anyonewant a cup of coffee?"

"Yes, please!" we said.

He replied, "What kind of coffee do youwant? Capitated or decapitated?"


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 2011 73783-7039

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."

I don't have a beer gut, I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs.

• Power your whole house

• Keep medical equipment

running

• Keep food cold &

your home warm

• Keep well pumps &

sump pumps working

• Power your whole house

• Keep medical equipment

running

• Keep food cold &

your home warm

• Keep well pumps &

sump pumps working

And Much More!

www.electricalsystemsofmaine.comwww.electricalsystemsofmaine.com

ELECTRICAL SYSTEMS OF MAINEELECTRICAL CONTRACTORS

1200 Minot Ave., Auburn

783-7126

INCLUDES FULL INSTALLATIONCALL FOR MORE INFO

INCLUDES FULL INSTALLATIONCALL FOR MORE INFO


Kerri YoungMaine Family Federal CreditUnion announces the hiring ofKerri Young.

Kerri Young has previouslyworked at Stephens Pizza forabout a year as their cashierand cook. She is very excited tobe working for Maine Familybecause she loves interactingwith her co-workers and themembers. Kerri will be a tellerin the Lewiston office.



“How many peoplework in your office?”the boss asked the de-partment head.

“Oh, about half ofthem, sir!”

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 201174The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.

People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.

600 Center Street • Shaw’s Plaza, Auburn • 786-0112Mon - Fri 9 am - 7 pm • Sat 9 am - 3 pm

www.gregoryshairstyles.com

UNDER NEW OWNERSHIP

v Fresh new lookv Same great staffv Same great servicesv Same location & hours

Out ’n About atCourtney &

Amanda’s Sweet 16Celebration

CourtneyMarston

Jamie Marston

Annette Dupre


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 2011 75783-7039

I have all the money I'll ever need - if I die by 4:00 p.m. today.

Life's like a bird, it's pretty cute until it craps on your head.

Ray The Electrician LLCRESIDENTIAL & COMMERCIAL

Office: 225-3360 • Cell: [email protected]

Fully Insured • All Electrical Service Work• Houses• Cottages• Dormitories• Campgrounds• Schools

• Phone Cable• Camera Security• House Alarms• Lead Certified

Renovator

“My Prices Won’tShock You”

Financing Available • Some Restrictions Apply

PLUS:• Install all sizes of generators, from portable to

stand-by generators• Install permanent line poles for new housing developments

We answer any emergency call 24 hours a day / 7 days a weekLicensed in Maine, New Hampshire, Massachusetts and Vermont

TRUE STORY:BOSTON, OREGON?Submitted by Jim Bossie

In 1843, a Tennesseedrifter named WilliamOverton, and his friendAsa Lovejoy, werefloating in a canoedown the WillametteRiver in Oregon whenthey came upon an en-ticing stretch of land.They beached theircanoe, and marveledat the beautiful moun-tains and the rich po-tential of all the treesthey saw.

Overton didnʼt have thequarter that was re-quired to file a landclaim, so he sold halfof his 640-acre shareto Lovejoy for 25 cents.They began to clearthe trees, build roads,and build the first build-ings. After a while,Overton decided tomove on, and sold hishalf of the share toFrancis Pettygrove.

In 1845 Lovejoy andPettygrove decidedthat it was time toname their new settle-ment. They agreed toflip a coin, and the win-ner could name thesettlement after thetown in which the win-ner came from. Petty-grove won the cointoss two out of threetimes. Pettygrove wasfrom Portland, Maineand Lovejoy was fromBoston, Massachu-setts... so the settle-ment became knownas Portland, Oregon.And the rest is history.

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 201176

Vegetarian: Native American definition for "lousy hunter".

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worstthing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

960 Main Street, Oxford • 539-4149500 feet North of the New Balance Factory Outlet Store

Largest Indoor Flea Market in the Area!

Open7 Days a Week8 AM - 5 PM

Featuring

131Vendors

Come to Oxford’s only original indoor flea market!

Open 7 days a week year-round for your shopping!

We honor:M/C, DEBIT, ATM, VISA,

Am. Express & Discover cards

VISIT

“THE BOOK NOOK”

Collectibles • Coins • Glassware • Sports Cards • Furniture • BEANIE BABIES

Advertising Items • Jewelry • Cassettes • DVDs • CD’s • Videos • Antiques & Lots More!

Always

Buying

Regular Paperbacks$1/each

$3.50 each for most Hardcover Books

Selective Hard Covers $2

20% OFFall Audio Books (books on tape & CD)

Over 55,000 Pre-Read Books

& Cookbooks

Pre-Read Books arriving daily

Large Selectionof FentonGlassware!

20% - 70% OFF

INVENTORYREDUCTION

SALE!



Mike Dupre

Kayla, Courtney & Jamie Marston

Butch “the lap dog”& Sue Marston

Birthday parties are fun, but I can’t stop

thinking about dusting offmy golf clubs and playing

a round...

Sisterly Smiles


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 2011 77783-7039 Anna to Uncle Andy: Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

784-822185 Center Street, Auburn

EAT IN OR TAKE OUT!The PerfectPlace

to Dine anytime

of the day!Open

Sun. - Thur. 10:30am - 10pmFri. & sat. 10:30am - 11pm

CALL US FOR THE NEXT NRA PISTOL COURSE DATE!

Hours:

9-5 Mon-Fri • 9-1 Sat

John Reid, Owner

We Buy, Sell & TradeFull Line Gun Smith Service

New website coming soon!!

J.T. REID’S GUNS86 Court St., Auburn • 777-3579

Jamie Pelletier, Manager

Checkus out!



Andy Jarman

Courtney Marston& Amanda Gibson

It says we’re 16!

The BirthdayGirls

Shannon Wilsonwith her son,

Michael(silly goose)

Five FabulousFriends

Paxton Arsenault,Courtney Marston,Katie Wallingford,Paige Brousseau & Amanda Gibson

Out ’n About at Courtney & Amanda’s Sweet 16 Celebration

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 201178

For every action, there is a corresponding over-reaction.

What is the most important thing to learn in chemistry?Never lick the spoon.

Do you want to speak to the manager or someone who know's what's going on?

995 Center Street, Auburn • www.granitemarblecountertops.netHours: Mon-Fri 9am-5:30pm; Sat 9am-2pm

FAMILY OWNED AND OPERATED!

786-5556

Family Owned & Operated

Remodeling Your Kitchen or Bathroom?Over

110 GRANITEand

300 QUARTZcolors to

choose from!

Check out our

showroom!

MATERIAL DELIVERIESGRAVEL • SAND • LOAM

STONE • FILLMULCH

1331 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • [email protected]

• LANDSCAPING

• PAVING

• EXCAVATION

• RETAINING WALLS

• EMERGENCY WATER/SEWER REPAIRS

• DEMOLITION

• PARKING LOT REPAIRS • Fully Insured • Certified in Erosion Control •

Out ’n About at Court-ney & Amanda’s

Sweet 16 Celebration

Emily Gibson

Tyler LaFrinea

Melora Lavoie & Emily Cormier

Aaron Stanley


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 2011 79783-7039 Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster with more energy!

Do not neglectyour Septic System

For proper maintenance,it should be pumped periodically.

Liquid Waste Pumping • Portable sanitation facilities

ServiceRentalSales

We carry risers, covers,baffle replacements, septic additives.

CALL US TODAY TO SET UP AN APPOINTMENT

G.A. DOWNINGCO., INC.

111 Woodman Hill RDMinot, ME 04258

207.782.4508800.924.4500

Foreign Aid: The transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.

DRIVING RANGE MINI-GOLF

Open 7 days a week!

Burgers • DogsL-A’s Best Onion Rings

Fries • Ice Cream

RESTAURANT

Lake Shore Drive, (first left after the lake)Off Rt. 4 in Auburn

www.tabersgolf.comTABERS

Check usout online!

ReminiscingBy Travis Dow

As the sun filled my carwith warmth I stepped outinto reality as a light windcooled me down. Despitethese somewhat mild condi-tions, people came out inforce on April 14th for Taber'sopening day. Most peoplechose their vehicles on thisparticular day in lieu of thepicnic tables that many fami-lies have shared a meal onover the years.

Tabers is just as much apiece of L/A's history & futureas is the lake which it's park-ing lot, golf driving range andmini golf course overlooks. Atrue L/A past time. It’s justone of those things you haveto do a soon as you can do it,and do it as many times asyou can before winter rearsits ugly head again. It’s likedusting off the baseball gloveto play that first game ofcatch, or firing up your mo-torcycle for the first ride ofthe year...it’s a wonderful, fa-miliar feeling you can't getenough of and a sign thatspring and summer are trulyhere.

Diners sink their teeth intothe first bite of a Taber'sburger, onion ring, french fryor hot dog, savoring everysecond while golfers work outthose winter kinks in prepara-tion for the impeding season.The words they shout fill theair, and it tells me this isn'tthe last time they'll be hereworking towards perfection.

718, order # 718, is calledover the speaker, signalingand end to my reminiscing.

It’s time to truly experiencewhat I’ve been writing aboutall this time, and I suggest,you do the same. Get on outto Taber’s as many times asyou can this summer. Enjoya meal, an ice cream orfrappe perhaps, then hit abucket of balls and play around of mini golf. It’s experi-ences like this that you’ll lookback on and never regret everdoing too much of!

Extreme Sportsor Extreme Pain?

550 Lisbon Street, Lewiston, ME • 782-0831www.shermarnolds.com

SPRING SALE GOING ON NOW!There is no better investment than

a new kitchen or bath!

Exclusive Dealer of

Now AvailableLatest style of Cabinet Hardware makes

cabinetry look updated and new. Brass, Antique Brass, Burnished Metals,

Ceramic and much more.

Best flooring prices in town… why pay more?

Denis Lebel & BabyKitchen Design Specialist

NEW EXPANDED HOURS: Monday 8-7pm • Tues - Fri. 8-5pm • Sat. 9-2pm

Large Selection of In-Stock• Hardwood • Laminates • Ceramic Tile

• Carpet Rems • Vinyl RemsBound Rugs & Runners


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 2011 81783-7039 It's not how good your work is, it's how well you explain it.

I hope I'm the last guy on earth -- I wanna see if all those women were lying to me. – Uncle Andy

36 Howes Corner Road, Turner • 344-5814 • [email protected]

Plan Your Summer Projects Now!Commercial/Residential Hardscaping

FULLY INSURED

FREE ESTIMATES

FULLY INSURED

FREE ESTIMATES

Retaining Walls •Walkways & Steps •

Brick Patios •Specialty Stonework •

Granite Curbing •Foundations •House Lots •Excavation •And more! •

Shawn Brown Project Manager

740-0560

Hardscaping will transform your

property and add value!



The proud moms, Sue Marston & Kathy

Gibson flank the birthday girls

My cousin, Tanner wants to use

me in a stunt...I’m not so sure

about this!

Michael Peppe

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 201182I had the right to remain silent, but I didn't have the ability.

Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.Out ’n About atCourtney &


Copper

Sophie

I don’t care whose birthday it is...

just throw my ball and we’ll be friends

forever!

Courtney is my girl.

Why don't dogs makegood dancers?

Because they have twoleft feet!

If you’re too busy to cook and you don’t want

fast food, try our HOME-COOKED MEALS!

Cash • Check • Major Credit Cards31 Leavitt Street, Auburn

(first left after the Minot Ave./Hotel Rd. inter-section as you head toward Mechanic Falls)

For only $7 each,Dinner for 1-200. Please order one day prior.

Pick up from 4:30-7:30 p.m.

Eggcettera Catering

784-5544

UNCLE ANDY APPROVED

See our full menu online at: EggcetteraCatering.com

and Dinner To Go

2Shepherd’s Pie

Pickled Beets

Rolls

3Spaghetti

w/ Meat Sauce

Green Beans

Rolls

4Beef Stroganoff

w/ Noodles

Carrots, Rolls

5Macaroni Salad

B-B-Q Chix

Cole Slaw

6Salmon Pie

Mashed Potato

Slaw, Rolls

9Chili

Cornbread

Green Beans, Salad

10Potato Salad

B-B-Q Ribs

Slaw, Rolls

11American Chop Suey

Broccoli

Rolls

12Roast Pork

Mashed Potato

Corn

Baked Apples

13Baked Stuffed

Seafood Haddock

Baked Potato

Slaw, Rolls

16Mac & Cheese

Hot Dogs

Green Beans, Rolls

17Broccoli Chix Alfredo

w/ Noodles

Salad

18Turkey - Stuffing

Potato, Peas

Rolls

19Green Bean Casserole

w/ Chix

Noodles

Salad, Rolls

20Salmon Pie,

Mashed Potatoes,

Slaw

23Pot Roast

Potato

Peas, Rolls

24Spaghetti

w/Meatballs,

Salad, Rolls

25Smothered Beef,

Mashed Potato

Corn, Rolls

26Shepherd’s Pie

Pickled Beets

Rolls

27Baked Stuffed

Seafood Haddock

Mashed Potato

Slaw, Rolls

30Cheese Lasagna

Salad

Rolls

31Baked Ham

w/ Pineapple

Mashed Potato

Green Beans, Rolls

8

15

22

29

14

21

28

Sun. Mon. Tue. Wed. Thu. Fri. Sat.

See our full menu online at: EggcetteraCatering.com

May MenuDinner To Go

Please order one day prior. Pick up from 4:30-7:30 p.m.

Thank You to our Sponsors!

Get your team together and join us for a great day of golf!

6th AnnualLewiston High School Football Booster

GOLF TOURNAMENT

Sunday, June 12, 20117am Registration/Sign In

8am Shotgun Start • Scramble FormatFairlawn Country Club, Poland

$50 per person, $200 per team of four(must accompany form)

Come support your Blue Devils

SPONSOR A HOLE!$50.00

Advanced Registration is preferred, you canregister at the door.

FMI: Jeff Johnson, 577-0588 • or Joe McKinnon, 333-9088

Prizes for: 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place, closest-to-the-pin, longestdrive and putting contest. Plus other events.

Registration Form

Player 1: Phone

Player 2: Phone

Player 3: Phone

Player 4: Phone

Please register before Sunday, June 5th. Make checks payable and mail to:LHS Football Boosters, PO Box 34, Lewiston, ME 04240

GridironRESTAURANT

& SPORTS PUB

LANGLOISAUTO BODY

JRMRACING

EMERSONCHEVROLET

HairlooksInternational

Berube’s

HOLMCARPENTRYOver 30 years experience

MELANSONCONSTRUCTION, INC.

PAVING

753-1446

70 Lincoln St.Lewiston333-3663

782-1125

1331 Sabattus St.Lewiston782-3617

1305 Sabattus St.Lewiston • 784-0550 577-7969

782-1965

946 Center St.Auburn

784-3503

784-5899

777-6353

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 201184

The farther away the future is, the better it looks.

Support local

businesses.

Use our advertisers!

OVER 20 YEARS OF BUILDING EXPERIENCECall 753-9887 or 576-8528 Fully Insured • Many References Available

Best prices with the highest quality workmanship.“The Difference is in the Details”

What the heck – Build a deck!New Homes,

Sun Rooms, GaragesCall us for your FREE quote!Call us for your FREE quote!

America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight.

MACHINE GUNS • SILENCERS • NFA TRANSFERSSHORT BARREL RIFLES/SHOTGUNS

We also carry:All other types of firearmsKnives • Ammo by the case

We Buy - Sell - TradeFinders fee for collections

Rt. 4 • Turner, MEJust past Twitchell’s Airport

[email protected]

Call Matt, Drew or Chris at 225-3432

Chris Jordan, owner 577-0210



Hunter Gibson

You blow out those 8 and I’ll get

these 8. Ready?1... 2...

Girls!


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 2011 85783-7039

There are two kinds of people who don't say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.

This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting.

Assisted H

ome CareFor more information visit us at:550 College St., Lewiston

783-7375We cover Gray, New Gloucester, Turner, Augusta,

Windham, Brunswick, Topsham, Bath, Mechanic Falls, Norway, Bowdoinham, Pownal and surrounding areas.

Come Join Our Team!If you’re interested in flexible hours andvaried assignments, all with an excellent

support system, contact us!

Nancy Merrill: AdministratorHeather Trainer: Director of Nursing

Assisted Home Care

CNA’sTired of the

Same Old Same Old?

GREAT PAY & FLEXIBLE HOURS • BASE PAY $13.00 PER/HRWeekend Shift Differentials

Picking a new Pope

Submitted by Jimbo

There were twoCatholic boys, TimothyMurphy and AntonioSecola, whose livesparallel each other inamazing ways. In thesame year Timothywas born in Ireland,Antonio was born inItaly.

Faithfully they attendedparochial School fromkindergarten throughtheir senior year in highschool. They took theirvows to enter thepriesthood early in col-lege, and upon gradua-tion, became priests.

Their careers hadcome to amaze theworld, but it was gener-ally acknowledged thatAntonio Secola wasjust a wee cut aboveTimothy Murphy in allrespects.

Their rise through theranks of Bishop, Arch-bishop and finally Car-dinal was swift to saythe least, and theCatholic world knewthat when the presentPope died, it would beone of the two whowould become the nextPope.

In time the Pope diddie, and the College ofCardinals went to work.In less time than any-one had expected,white smoke rose fromthe chimney and the

(continued on next page)

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 201186I love to give homemade gifts. Which one of my kids do you want?

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

Find us & like us

on FACEBOOK

world waited to seewhom they had chosen.

The world, Catholic,Protestant and secular,was surprised to learnthat Timothy Murphyhad been electedPope!

Antonio Secola wasbeyond surprise. Hewas devastated, be-cause even with all ofTimothy's gifts, Antonioknew he was just a bitbetter qualified.

With gall that shockedthe Cardinals, AntonioSecola asked for a pri-vate session with themin which he candidlyasked, "Why Timothy?"

After a long silence, anold Cardinal took pityon the bewildered manand rose to reply.

"We knew you werethe better of the two,but we just could notbear the thought of theleader of the RomanCatholic Church beingcalled POPE SE-COLA!"

(continued from previous page)

On April 13, 2002 theworld's first pair ofspacewalking grandfa-thers, named the SilverTeam, took the firstspace walk outside theinternational space sta-tion. They were theShuttle Atlantis astro-nauts Jerry Ross andLee Morin.


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 2011 87783-7039

We are all part of the ultimate statistic - ten out of ten die.

Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.

"The world is full of willing people, some willing to work, the rest willing to let them." – Robert Frost

-

-

-

-

-

--

Dolly and Donald Grenier

Monmouth “hero” saves mom’s lifeby Michelle Gaghan

Out ’n About at Marcel’s Barber Shop

Eric, Judy, Jin & Ernie

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

I learned something important about burning leaves- wait until they fall off the trees.

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 201188

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Residential/Commercial • Camp openings • Garages • RewiringStreet lighting • New construction • Renovations • Generators

Outdoor services • Meter upgrades

Jason DesmaraisMaster Electrician

740-2888Licensed & Insured

POOL & SPA CENTERESTABLISHED 1962

783-08581-800-244-08581975 Lisbon Rd., Lewiston

www.abcpool.com

Now available at...

• Unmatched flexibility - it’s a smoker, a grill, & an oven• Double-wall ceramics make it durable and fuel efficient

all year long• Turkey, ribs, chicken, burgers, roasts and vegetables -

the EGG cooks them all effortlessly• Bakes better than a brick oven - pizza, bread,

even pumpkin pie• The EGG is available in 5 sizes!

Stop by May 15th & check

out The Smokin’ Aces cooking demo with

the Big Green Egg!

Amy, Jason &Emily Desmarais

Pipsqueaks

Come see us at Pipsqueaks for

all your gently used chil-dren's clothing, toys, cribs, strollers and

much more.

Tub Baptism

A friend of mine tookher four-year-olddaughter to a bap-tismal service at herchurch. Later thatnight, her daughtertook all of her dolls intothe bathtub with herand held her own "baptism."

As she dunked eachdoll under the water,she repeated, "Now Ibaptize you in thename of the Father, theSon, and hold yournose."

Poland RegionalHigh School

Knights Baseball

GOLF TOURNAMENTSaturday, May 21, 2011

12:00 noon check-in • 1:00 p.m. start time

Teams of four$50 per player

$200 team

Includes greens fees,cart and dinner!

To register, please contact Colleen Quint at754-1356 or [email protected]

Registration and payment must be receivedby May 18th!

Fairlawn Golf & Country Club in PolandContests • 50/50

EMERSONTOYOTA

Prizes include a

2011 Toyota Yaris from

Emerson Toyota,

Golf Clubs, a Trip to

Hilton Head, and more!

Prizes include a

2011 Toyota Yaris from

Emerson Toyota,

Golf Clubs, a Trip to

Hilton Head, and more!

Shirley KingBelanger Realty

998-4516Your

lakefront&

residentialspecialist!

MICHIGANVENEER

Premium Quality Hardwood Logs& Veneer

www.miveneer.com

Minot Country Store174 Minot Ave., Minot

782-0650 212 Center St. Auburn 784-4444

Heating Oil • Kerosene • PropaneEquipment Sales & Service 225-3030

www.kkexcavation.com177 Turner St. Auburn • 783-1481

www.deadriver.com

14 Commerce Court, Hampden

1-800-205-8326WightsSportingGoods.com

of

Auburn

& Oxford

UNCLEANDYS.COM

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

Prime

Sponsor

Get your team

together and join us

for a fun day of golf!

The Best Pizza & Coldest Beer in Town!

There’s no place like...

Dad’sPlace

23 Pleasant St., Mechanic Falls345-5551

ServiceRental

Sales

G.A. DOWNING111 Woodman Hill Road

Minot • 782-4508

gadowning.com

31 Winterbrook Rd, Mechanic Falls

998-5140www.est-static.com

33 Elm Street, Mechanic Falls

345-4301 • www.BryantEnergy.com

Serving Mechanic Falls,

Poland, Minot & Oxford

COOPER PAVING

103 Cross Road, Minot • 345-3529

• Asphalt Paving

• Coal Tar Sealcoating

• Gilsonite Sealcoating

• Hot Rubberized Crack Filling

And More!

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 201190

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.

Strangers have the best candy.

WEBSTER’S TRADING CO.BUY • SELL • TRADE • PAWN150 Minot Ave, Auburn • 795-6402

Need aloan?

Call us!

We Rent Budget Trucks!Get a quote from another

company, bring it to us

& WE’LL BEAT IT!

www.websterstradingcompany.com

WE’RE ALWAYS BUYING AND SELLING!

Gold, silver, firearms, estates oranything you might think has value!

Stop in – Let’s talk!!

Out ’n About at Courtney & Amanda’sSweet 16 Celebration

Courtney & Amandaget a little surprise

What the? You can’t be serious!

A r

ide

inst

yle!

Swwe

eet!

!!

A Limo fromSarah Jeanneʼs!


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 2011 91783-7039

"An optimist is the human personification of spring." – Susan J. Bissonette

Just because you have one doesn't mean you have to act like one.

Building or Remodeling??Check out our Showroom!!

WE STOCK:Monitors • Rinnai • Radiant (Heating Supplies)

Baseboard • 1 & 2 pc Tub & Showers Vanity Tops & Bases • Kitchen & Bath Faucets

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A friend of mine has three boys, the youngest ofwhom, Gregory, had just started school.

A teacher commented to Gregory that shecouldn't believe he was already in first gradeand asked what his mother did all day now thatthe three boys were in school.

"Cartwheels," Gregory answered.

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Jimbo & Travis

MAY 201192

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Vow Changes

Ken and Melba had finished their breakfastat the retirement home and were relaxing inthe library.

"You know," said Melba, "today, in mostmarriage ceremonies, they don't use theword 'obey' anymore."

"Too bad, isn't it?" retorted Ken. "It used tolend a little humor to the occasion."


Jimbo & Travis

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783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 201194

I don't give a crap, but if I did, you'd be the first person I'd give it to.

If at first you don't succeed, you'll get a lot of free advice from folks who didn't succeed either.

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Loyal Digesters. Muchis happening this springand I know that for manyof you it has been hard towatch the Red Sox thusfar. I need you all to calmdown and take a deepbreath. If you are on theverge of seeking psychi-atric evaluation, donʼt doit. Trust me, all that willdo is confirm what yourfamily has been tellingyou for years and get youa vacation in a room withrubber walls, accompa-nied by a jacket that isnʼteven to keep you warm.

The Major LeagueBaseball season is oftencompared to a marathonand being an accountant,I ran a few numbers.Here is what I found, theaverage marathon is26.22 miles long and theMLB season is 162games long. At the end ofApril, the Red Sox haveplayed 27 games, whichis about 15% of the sea-son. That is like being 3.9miles into a marathon.There are figuratively22.32 miles left in theseason, which is plenty oftime to turn thingsaround, and hey, at leastthe first win of the seasonwas against the Yankees.Iʼll tell you what, to getyour mind off the Sox fora moment, go over toAnnʼs Flower Shop andget your Mummy aMotherʼs day arrange-ment or something for alost loved one for Memo-rial Day! The folks atAnnʼs know NEP (mymommy) and her VisaCard even better. I swear

(continued on next page)

OUT ʼN ABOUTWITH

MIAMI MIKE


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 2011 95783-7039 Don't play stupid with me - I'm better at it.

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A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life, to be thankful for a good one. she has walked in and re-quested one of every-thing before. For the bestflowers in town, Annʼs Flowers in Auburn neverdisappoints!

If that is already takencare of and you are stilldriving yourself bonkersover the former BostonBraves, then look for theSpring Meadows GolfCourse coupon in thisvery Digest. They have a2 play for the price ofone, and you donʼt haveto be a mathematician tofigure out that this is oneheck of a deal. Hit thelinks, enjoy the weatherand relax a bit. If thatdoesnʼt sound appealingthen maybe you shouldcommit yourself, youmight be crazy after all.Digesters, until nextmonth I am your MiamiMike...

(continued from previous page)

Important Political

Decisions

As a recent high-school graduate, I trav-eled to our state capitoland got to visit thehouse floor.

I stood there, thinkinghow difficult it must befor the people in thatroom to wrestle withimportant decisionsthat affect so many citi-zens.

It was then that I spied,sitting on one repre-sentative's desk, aMagic 8-Ball.

There was a duck thatwent to a local store tobuy chapstick, the clerkasked if he would paycash and the duck said,no, just put it on my bill.

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

MAY 201196

Personally, I don't believe the world owes me a living, although for the amount I make, an apology would be nice.

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Uncle Andy's Digest May 2011

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Transcript of Uncle Andy's Digest May 2011