Uncle Andy's Digest - September 2013

GET YOUR DIGEST ON!FREE

September 2013.comUNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

[email protected]

Valid on College Night Only9/18/13 5pm-close

$3 Crazy Sushi Rolls • Live Music • Bar Games! 4-7pm 7pm

40 East Ave., Lewiston

795-6888

865 Sabattus St., Lewiston • 333-3004

LIQUIDSUNSHINECAR WASH & DETAIL

Will do, Rick!

See the back cover to see how we did.

Treat her gently, guys!

Dino

20% OFF food in the lounge when you present your student or faculty ID

Welcome Back Party!!Wednesday, Sept. 18th • 5pm-close

COLLEGE NIGHT

783-7039

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

September 20132

Never trust an atom. They make up everything.

The key to a good home based business is discipline. So every morning I get up at 5am and go straight to my computer and sleep in the chair until 7.

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they cantrain people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

Lewie & Clark

Top Ten SignsYou've Bought aLemon of a Car

Submitted by Jim Benson

10. Your tinted win-dows are alsoknown as HeftyGarbage Bags.

9. The car reaches itsoptimum speedwhen going downhill.

8. The hi-tech stereosystem often re-quires a new needle.

7. The rear-view mirrorsays, "Objects inMirror Are BetterThan This Piece ofJunk."

6. The odometer on thedashboard is not assophisticated as theeveryday abacus.

5. Traffic Watch warnsother drivers whathighway you're taking.

4. The sticker on thewindshield says,"Batteries Not In-cluded."

3. You fill up the tankwith UnleadedCoals.

2. You can only go torestaurants that offerValet Pushing.

1. When you approachhitchhikers, they puttheir thumbs down.

I'm in the prime of my life: in that 53 is an irreducible integer.

I was looking for a career. I think that pyrotechnics spark my interest.

MODERN WOODMEN OF AMERICA

SEPTEMBER 2013

Thursday, Sept 5thSchemengee’s 4 – 7pm(Chapter 10589)551 Lincoln St, Lewiston$7.50 Member; $8.50 Guest

Sunday, Sept 8thKC Breakfast8am – 10am(Chapter 7938)Columbus Dr, Brunswick$4 Member; $5 Guest Child/under 10 free

Tuesday, Sept 10thLuiggi’s 4 – 7pm(Chapter 12907)63 Sabattus Street, Lewiston$4.50 Member; $5.50 Guest

Thursday, Sept 12thCenter St Café 7 – 10am(Chapter 12749)945 Center St. Auburn$5 per Member; $5.50 Guest

Sunday, Sept 15thFlagship Cinema(Chapter 8609)Lewiston/Auburn$4 Member; $5 Guest

Tuesday, Sept 17thDairy Queen 4 – 7pm(Chapter 14346)661 Minot Ave, Auburn$4.50 Member; $5 Guest

Tuesday, Sept 24thPizza Hut 11:30 – 1pm(Chapter 10929)Rt 26, Norway$5 Member; $5.50 Guest

Wednesday, Sept 25thGrid Iron 4 – 7pm(Chapter 14437)1567 Lisbon St. Lewiston$8 Member; $9 Guest

TICKETS ARE LIMITED – NO RE-TURNS & NO REFUNDS ALLOWEDPrices, Dates and Menu are subject tochange. If additional info is needed, pleasecall our office, please do not call restau-rants. All activities can only be attended atthe times listed.*************************Tickets need to be purchased at the Modern Woodmen District Office, 184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all activities and can only be picked up theweek prior to the activity, Mon – Thurs9am - 4pm & Friday 9am - Noon (exclud-ing Holidays). Call 782-1833.

783-7039


Jimbo

September 20134

I was in court today with the airline over missing luggage. They lost the case.

Continental Congress changed the name of the United Colonies to the United States on September 9, 1776.

Uncle Andy’s Digestis published by the first

Friday of every month byMaine Mountain Ocean

Group, Inc. with offices at 9 Grove Street, Auburn, ME.

It is distributed free through-out Central Maine and mailed

to subscribers all over theworld. Subscriptions are

$30/year. Send a $30 checkmade out to

Uncle Andy’s Digest to: P.O. Box 3363,

Auburn, ME 04212

Uncle Andy’s

DigestMAILING ADDRESS:

PO Box 3363

Auburn, ME 04212

E-MAIL: [email protected]

PHONE: 207 783-7039

FAX: 207 777-3898

www.UncleAndys.com

Staff

JIMBO

#3 off to College

UNCLE ANDY

America’s Most

Wanted

MAGGIE

Maggie May

MARTY

Straight up the Middle

ANGIE

Bachelorette No More

TOM

Trailer without Wheels

PAM

Triple Duty

While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries very hard to ensure the accuracy of the information in ourclient’s advertisements and our publication ingeneral, we are not responsible for vendor availability, typographical errors, technical inac-curacies, product pricing errors, or omissions.

Pinning pictures on a bulletin board seems a bit tacky to me.

FREE CONSULTATIONS

Affordable DenturesPoorly fitting or broken dentures

repaired on-site, usually same-day service!

SMILE AGAIN DENTURESMike & Joe

Adkins,licensed

denturists

801 Webster Street, Lewiston

514-0660www.smileagaindentures.com

QUALITY CUSTOM DENTURE WORK

Most Dental Insurances Accepted • We also accept Credit & Debit Cards

See us for:• Full Dentures• Immediate Dentures

• Rebases• Relines• Repairs


Jimbo

Sept. 2013 5UNCLEANDYS.COM

Mice, whales, elephants, giraffes and man all have seven neck vertebra.

How do Vikings communicate? Norse code.

www.KitchenSolutionsMaine.com

995 Center St. AuburnNext to Appliance Warehouse and

Gamache & Lessard Window Decorators

784-3100Visit our brand new showroom

10x12 OAKKITCHEN WITHCOUNTERTOP

$1,999

KITCHENSolutionsDESIGN & SALES CENTER

Specials on Cabinets & Granite Countertops

StacyStacyBruceBruce

Out ’n About at the

Gippers Open

Autumn Raymond

Pay no attention to what is

behind my hand!

Moe Morin

Sarah Wanser and Jasmine Clarke

I’m coming

for YOU!

783-7039


Jimbo

September 20136

What did the papa buffalo say to the baby buffalo as he went to work? Bison!

“I need my sleep. Eight hours a day, and about ten at night.” – Bill Hicks

www.cassiels.com

71 EAST AVENUE • LEWISTON(207) 783-3321

THE KIDSARE BACK

IN SCHOOL,NOW IT’STIME TO

GET BACKTO YOU!

We sell a full line of Bare Escentuals Mineral Makeup

❧ Herbal Body Wraps

❧ Pumpkin Sugar Scrub

❧ After Sun Treatment

❧ Autumn Package

❧ Harvest Package

Fabulous Fall Packages We are a full service salon

❧ Hair❧ Body Waxing❧ Facials❧ Pedicures❧ Spa Packages❧ Massage❧ Electrology❧ Manicures❧ Bridal Packages❧ Permanent Make-up

Gift Cards available 24/7

at cassiels.com!

Book your appointment &buy gift cards righton our website!

Specials


Gippers Open

Dave Rossingnol & Paul Landry

Autumn, Sarah & Angelique

Jay Novella

OfficialRicky Fowler

Apparel Consultant

These Gipper’s girls areup to no good...

AGAIN!

We’re gonna plaster these guys

with water balloons...they won’t see what

hit ‘em!


Jimbo


Real diamonds do not show up on x-ray.

Call Dianaor Larry formore info

and pricing!

Catering Division • 345-9009 www.dadsplace.info

There’s

NO PLACE like... Dad’s PlaceDad’s Place

Professional serviceat an affordable price

Hot & Cold Buffet-Style Catering

Indoor or Outdoor

One Stop Shop for Catering... Dad’s does it all!

We can accommodate any size party small, large or enormous!Ask us about Tents, Tables, Chairs, Dance Floor, etc. for your event

Weddings

Summer BBQ

Corporate Functions Reunions

There was a fight in the candy store. Two suckers got licked.

"I am thankful to all those who said NO. Because of them, I did it myself." – Albert Einstein

Dad’s Place23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 • DadsPlace.info

Your Choice$10Only

There’s NO PLACE like...

Giant 1-topping pizza 2 Large Boghooters

3 Large Italians 2 Small Appetizers

IN BUSINESS

or

(Breaded Mushrooms, Broccoli & Cheese, Jalapeno Poppers or Mozzarella Sticks)

(Ham, Pepperoni, Veggie or Salami)

oror

CELEBRATINGFREE

COFFEE FRIDAY!Free 20 oz. coffee

with purchase of Breakfast Sandwich

every Friday in September!

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201310

Monthly observances in September include: Apple Month, Chicken Month, and Little League Month.

Did you know A termite can live 30 years?

No Registration FEE

946-KIDS

When you enroll in September

We offer preschool & toddlerprograms, separate rooms foreach age group, and a large

outdoor play area!NEW HOURS! 6am - 6pm301 Sawyer Rd. • Greene

Early Learning Center

• Marine Canvas (Boats/Yachts)

• Cushions (Boat/Home)

• Upholstery (Boat/Home/Auto)

• Metal Fabrication • Repair

41 Millett Drive • Auburn, Maine 04210

783-5600

Call about FREE Boat Storage for Winter Work


Gippers Open

Colby, Chris, Sarah & Autumn

Steve LeBlanc & John Whited

Joel Cummings

You really want to mess with

all of this!?

Now let’s talkabout who’s #1.


Jimbo


Because heat expands the metal, the Eiffel Tower always leans away from the sun.

The smell of freshly cut grass is actually a plant distress call.

WOW! Don’t spend $18 at thebeauty salon, get your...

Mens & Boys CUTS forAll day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome.

$12Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts

Marcel’sBarber Shop

54 Mill Street, New Auburn

783-3444OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm;

Sat 7:30am - 2pm

144 Riverside Dr., Auburn

Brad’s Precision AutoANY MAKE... ANY MODEL... ANY PROBLEM...

• Appointments required, please call first• Fully warranteed & certified• $58/hr labor rate

NO PROBLEM!Brad Ryan Steve

333-0364

Call ustoday!

RollodromeRollodromeWhere Good Skaters Meet

Since1954

Available for private parties

12 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 777-3940www.rollodrome.com

FALL SCHEDULE BEGINS SEPT. 7th

Thursday Nights - Ages 20+ 7:30-10pm

Friday Nights - All Skating 7:30 - 10:00

Sat. & Sun. - 1:30 - 4:00pm

Saturday Nights - Family Night 7:30 - 10pm

Sunday Night - All SK8 • 7:30 - 10pm

Walking or Riding

Submitted by Jimbo

Larry is playing a roundof golf with his buddies.On the sixth hole, ahole over water, heproceeds to flub nineballs into the water.Frustrated over hispoor golfing ability, andabout ready to hitsomebody, he heaveshis golf clubs into thewater, and begins towalk off the course.

Then all of a suddenhe turns around andjumps in the lake, hisbuddies apparentlythinking he is going toretrieve his clubs.When he comes out ofthe water he doesn'thave his clubs and be-gins to walk off thecourse again.

Then one of his bud-dies asks, "Why didyou jump into thelake?"

Larry said, "I left mycar keys in the bag."

Riddle Me This

Q: Joe was out for awalk when it started torain. He did not havean umbrella and hewasn't wearing a hat.His clothes weresoaked, yet not a sin-gle hair on his head gotwet. How could thishappen?

A: Joe is bald.

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201312

Some daze I just can’t seem to focus.

My friend and I are going to drive across the southern states of America, just to see how long it Texas.

Teachers Make a Difference!Ann’s

Flowers14 Millett Drive, Auburn

782-3457AnnsFlower.com

Let them know with flowers!!

NewAuburnSocialClub

Texas Hold ‘emSunday, September 15th

7 Second Street, Auburn • 782-9039Last Tuesday of every month

Officers meeting at 6pm sharp at Rolly’s

Choice of Twin Lobsters or Surf & Turf Baked Potatoes, Corn & Clams $15/pp

Sunday, September 22ndAnnual Lobster Feed

$50.00 Buy inStarts at 11 am • Doors Open at 10 am

Happy HourNoon - 1pm

Eating starts at2pm


Gippers Open

Pam Ashby &Geno Veilleux

Ryan Lagasse &Scott Landry

Dan LeClerc

Not likingthis...

Never mind, I’m fine

Watch out for flying water

balloons.


Jimbo


Did you know: Sesame Street was nearly called 123 Avenue B. It was changed as this was a real address in New York City.

Ontario is the only Canadian Province that borders the Great Lakes.

Auburn Plaza Family DentistryYen-Chang Chen, D.M.D.

auburnplazafamilydentistry.com

Same Day Emergency CareVisit us at our newly renovated

state of the art office at:730 Center StreetAuburn (Big Lots) Plaza

783-1351We are a preferred Northeast Delta provider

Mon.-Fri.7am - 5pm

Hunting TripSubmitted by Maggie Joyce

Jimbo and Uncle Andyhired a pilot to fly theminto the far north forsome elk hunting. Theywere quite successfulin their venture, andbagged six big bulls.The pilot came back asarranged to pick themup.

They started loadingtheir gear into theplane, including the sixelk, but the pilot ob-jected. He said, "Theplane can take out onlyfour of your elk. Youwill have to leave twobehind."

One of the hunterspushed forward, "Hey,last year our pilot let ustake out six elk. It wasthe same model plane,same weather condi-tions, and everything.What's with this? Wewant you to allow us tofly out just like lastyear.

Reluctantly the pilot fi-nally permitted them toput all six elk aboardand the men allclimbed in with theirgear. When they at-tempted to take off andfly out of the valley, thelittle plane could notmake it. They crashedin the wilderness.

Climbing out of thewreckage, Uncle Andysaid to Jimbo, "Do youknow where we are?""I think so," repliedJimbo. "Yep! I think this

(continued on next page)

Walking in a circle is pointless.

A lightning bolt is 5 times hotter than the surface of the sun.783-7039


Jimbo

September 201314

AMESSPORT SHOP, Inc

84 Littlefield Road, Auburn • 782-4917(off Hotel Road & across from Merrow Road)

SHARE OUR PASSION

HIT THE TRAILS THIS FALL IN YOUR NEW

ARCTIC CAT ATV!

183 Lisbon Street • Lisbon

353-9862qualitycareautorepair.com

Have an automotiveproblem?

Ask the Auto Guysemail us your auto questions at

[email protected]

Call or stop in today for a FREE quote!9 South Main St, Mechanic Falls

(207) 345-8711

We Insure ALL of Your FALL TOYS

CummingsAgency.com

is about 100 yards fur-ther along than wherewe crashed last year!"

(continued from previous page)

Riddle Me This

Q: Golden treasures Icontain, guarded byhundreds. Stored in alabyrinth where no manwalks, yet men comeoften to seize my gold.By smoke I am over-come and robbed, thenleft to build my treasureanew. What am I?

A: A beehive

Lawn Ornaments

Uncle Andy at acounter of a lawn orna-ment shop: "Give mefour of those pin-wheels, two of thosepink flamingos, two ofthe sunflowers, andone of those bent-overgrandma’s inbloomers."

Cashier’s reply: "That'llbe eight dollars for thepinwheels, ten dollarsfor the flamingos, sixdollars for the sunflow-ers, and an apology tomy wife!"

Fancy Roman Numerals?

No sir, not on mywatch!


Jimbo


Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing.

Tsunamis (tidal waves) travel as fast as jet planes.

www.eastcoastsigndesign.com

We specialize in vehicle wrapsand lettering.SAVE 20% on your next order!Go to: eastcoastsigndesign.com

Fill out our new quote page and SAVE!!September only

Before

After

On September 8th, the LakeAuburn Half, 5K and Bike Tour(Moving ME Forward’s largestfundraiser) will again start atLost Valley Ski Area and in-clude a Half Marathon, a HalfMarathon Relay, a 5K walk, a5K team run, a 5K run, twoKids Fun Runs, a Bike Tourand a Corporate Event.

The Half Marathon and BikeTour will take a trip aroundLake Auburn on closed roadsthat provide a wonderful pic-turesque backdrop for thiscommunity event. There willbe an Expo, package pick up,refreshments, and guestspeakers at the Hilton GardenInn on September 7th, from2:00 p.m to 6:00 p.m.

For more information,please see their website atLakeauburnhalf.com or findthem on Facebook (LakeAuburn Half, 5K and BikeTour).

September 8, 2013

Predicting the Future

Cats in Halifax, Nova Scotia, have a very high probability of having six toes.

When you are in it up to your ears,keep your mouth shut.

Thanks

for picking

us upand

Shopping

LOCAL!

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201316

Did you know: Honeybees have hair on their eyes.

London's Pall Mall became the first street lit by gaslight in 1807.


Gippers Open

Mike Kelly knows whathe’s doing... really.

Andy Brooker

John Linnell

Andy!Look out!!

Why do I get stuck keeping score?

That’s Captain John

to you.


Jimbo


You may say that I'm a dreamer: the clinical term is narcoleptic.

I hired a private origami tutor and I must say the quality of my work has improved tenfold!

34 Bates Street, Lewiston • 782-7192 • 760 Minot Ave, Auburn • 753-0500

GreatFallsfcu.com

Great FallsFederal Credit Union

*Restrictions & qualification apply

Call Michele, Dane or Ken today!

We Have the Loan for YOU!Low Rates • Fast Approvals

KIDS!You Gotta Love ’em

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201318

Did you ever notice how a woman's "I'll be ready in 5 minutes" and a guys "I'll be home in 5 minutes" are one and the same?

A queen bee uses her stinger only to sting another queen bee.

Check out our newest location686 Sabattus St., Lewiston

Featured Inventory2003 VW Beetle, 5spd

109K, Dk. Blue, $5,995

2004 Jeep Grand Sp. Ed.

96K, Blue, $7,995

2005 Honda Element EX

119K, Orange, $8,995

2002 BMW X5, Leather, AWD, 150k, Silver . . . . . . .$8,995

2002 Nissan Maxima, Auto, Roof, 112k, Green . . . .$5,995

2007 Volvo XC90, AWD, Loaded, 113k, Silver . . . .$10,995

2005 Volvo V50, Auto, Leather, 138k, Blue . . . . . . .$6,995

2002 Volvo S60, AWD, Loaded, 158k, Green . . . . . .$4,500

2003 Mitsubishi Lancer, 105k, Graphite . . . . . . . . . .$4,995

2003 Oldsmobile Alero GLI, Auto, 72k, Red . . . . . . .$4,795

2003 Pontiac Grand Am, Auto, 4 cyl, Silver . . . . . . .$4,695

2004 VW Jetta, 5 speed, Roof, 148k, Silver . . . . . . .$5,250

2004 VW Passat, 1.8T, 5 speed, 120k, Lt. Blue . . . .$5,900

View our entire inventory online @

www.IndependentAuto.Me

Call 520-0028 • 686 Sabattus St. • Lewiston

520-0028

2003 VW Beetle, 5 speed, Leather, 109k, Dk. Blue .$5,995

2003 VW Passat GLX, 5 speed, 121k, Lt. Blue . . . . .$6,395

2007 Jeep Compass Sport, 4WD, 123k, Black . . . . .$7,495

2004 Jeep Grand, Special Edition, 96k, Blue . . . . . .$7,995

2004 Scion xA, 5 speed, 4 cyl, 127k, Black . . . . . . .$5,500

2005 Audi A4, 1.8T, Auto, 110k, White . . . . . . . . . . .$9,700

2005 Ford Expedition Eddie Bauer, 93k, Black . . .$11,500

2005 Honda Element EX, 4WD, 119k, Orange . . . .$8,995

2006 Honda Civic LX, 5 speed, 104k, Tan . . . . . . . .$8,795


Censored


Jimbo


It takes about a week to make a jelly bean.

Did you know: There are 488 million users regularly using Facebook mobile.

OILCHANGE Up to 5 qts. Most Vehicles

(Not including Diesels or Heavy Trucks)

$24.95

Mike Morin’s Auto Center

Mike Morin

autorepairsauburnmaine.com • Hours: Open Monday-Thursday 7-5pm • Friday 7-Noon

1122 Center St., Auburn • 753-0433

It’s never too early to get your vehicle ready for winter!

Come see us today!

LIKE us onFacebookReceive

$10.00 Discount!

FRONT END ALIGNMENTS $79.95

The life boat was patented in 1845. The MisplacedEngineer

Submitted by Thomas Hill

An Engineer dies andgoes to hell. He's hotand miserable, so he de-cides to take action. TheA/C has been busted fora long time, so he fixesit. Things cool downquickly.

The moving walkwaymotor jammed, so he un-jams it. People can getfrom place to place moreeasily.

The TV was grainy andunclear, so he fixes theconnection to the Satel-lite dish and now theyget hundreds of high defchannels.

One day, God decides tolook down on Hell to seehow his grand design isworking out and noticesthat everyone is happyand enjoying umbrelladrinks. He asks the Devilwhat's going on?

The Devil replies,"Things are great downhere since you sent usthat engineer."

"What? An engineer? Ididn't send you one ofthose, that must havebeen a mistake. Sendhim back up right thisminute."

The Devil responds, "Noway! We are going tokeep our engineer. Welike this guy."

God demands, "If youdon't send him to me im-mediately, I'll sue!"

The Devil laughs."Where are YOU goingto get a lawyer?"

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201320

Uncle Andy: “Sometimes I wrap myself in bows and call myself gifted...”

If you're over 100 years old, there's an 80% chance you're a woman.

2012 Chevy Malibu 1LT

2.4L 4 Cyl, Gold,38K, 4dr Auto. 6 Spd.

our price

$15,995

2013 Ford Focus S

2.0L 4 Cyl., Manual5Spd., 10K, Silver

our price

$14,995

2011 HondaCRV-SE

Blue, 2.4L 4 Cyl.,55K, Auto. 5-Spd.

our price

$19,495

2011 HondaPilot EX-L 4x4

3.5L V6, Auto. 5 speed,Maroon, 32k, 4WD

our price

$28,9952011 KIASORENTO

Tuscan Olive, 3.5L V64WD SUV, 44K

our price

$24,995

2011 ToyotaCamry SE

Blue, 2.5L 4cyl., Auto.6-Spd., 34K, 4dr.

our price

$16,995

2012 Scion

2.5L 4cyl, Automatic6 Spd., 13k, 2dr

our price

$17,995

2011 ToyotaHighlander

18K, 3.5L V6, Auto.5-Spd. Maroon, AWD

our price

$17,995

FALL CLEARAThe Back Forty Used

Jamie (James) & John Anderson

Joe & Jen Rawls

Karen & Randy Robichaud

Pam (Jordan) Veilleux,Sonya (Malcolm) Porter

& Jodi (Miller) Bennett

Out ’n About at the ELHS

30th Reunion30 years later &

still looking good!


Jimbo


A shepherd once told me to count his 37 sheep and then round them up. So I told him there were 40.

There are no rental cars in Bermuda.

2012 HyundaiSonota Hybrid

2.4L 4 Cyl., Auto.,Black, 5k, 4 Dr.

our price

$22,995

2010 ToyotaCamry LE

Tan, 2.5L 4cyl., Auto. 6 Spd. 35k, 4dr

our price

$15,9952007 Hyundai

Sonata Limited

Silver, 3.3L V6,76k, 4dr

our price

$11,995

2010 Honda CRV-EX-L

Gray, Auto, 5 Spd.51k, 4WD, SUV

our price

$19,995

2008 Ford Escape XLT

Silver, 3.0L V6. Auto 4 Spd. 64k, 4WD SUV

our price

$12,995

2008 ToyotaCorolla CE

Blue, 1.8L 4cyl., Manual 5 Spd. 84k, 4dr

our price

$8,995

2011 Jeep Wrangler Sport

Red, 3.8L V6, 4 Spd.VLP 29k, 4WD

our price

$28,9952010 Jeep

Liberty Sport

Silver, 3.7L V6, Auto. 4WD, 48K,

our price

$16,995

ANCE SALE!!d Car & Truck Center

Sonya (Malcolm) Porter,Jim Marston &

Sandy (Schmidt) Barnich

Tim Towle & Elaine Gammon

Andy Capwellwon the 50/50 and donated

the cash back to the class

Dawn Daye


30th Reunion30 years later &

still looking good!

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201322

The bark of an older redwood tree is fireproof.

Most people who read the word 'yawning' will yawn!

To view the complete inventory of 50 vehicles visit our website:

www.donovansauto.comStop by, call or click today!

946-7515 • 1-800-811-8856

Please Help SupportBrock Thompson's family

Brock was taken from us on August 11th due to a tragic

ATV accident. Leaving behind a wife and three children.

Please join us!When: September 7th 4-7pm

Where: New Gloucester BibleChurch, 218 Lewiston Rd,New Gloucester

What: Spaghetti Dinner, 50/50Raffle, Bake Sale andSilent Auction

All proceeds to benefit theThompson Family.

If you or your business wouldlike to donate an item or

service to the silent pleasecontact Lisa @ 522-1651.

Some items donated to date: massages,photo sessions, night at the Regency inNew Hampshire, and many more.

Please tell your friendsand spread the word.


Jimbo


The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower than the lowest point in Colorado!

You have plenty of time. There are 86,400 seconds in a day. Everyday.

Brownies ARE a health food... if you count mental health.


Gippers Open

John Fournier

Trust me, ittastes good.

I smile becauseI won the 50/50

Mel Novella and friend

Out ’n About at the Balloon FestivalChristina Metzler, Sarah Major & Blake Major

Dress to Impress From 2-button to 3-button to doublebreasted suits,we have whatyou need to dress to impress!

S&J Tuxedos & Limo Service76 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • 333-3737

www.sjtuxedos.com

ALLSUITSavailable

for purchase$199

Does not includetailoring.

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201324

Crickets hear through their knees.

Jupiter is bigger than all the other planets combined.


30th Reunion

Dan LeBrun & Chip LeBlanc

tied for having the best Hawaiianshirt

Heather Condon & Arthur Desjardins

Kelly (Lewis) & Dave Dyer

Robin (Lewis) & Lee Ellingwood

30 years later &still looking good!

Megan & Mya Landrywith PrinceDaughters (& pup) of Bruce Landry of Kitchen Solutions

Oh, the things Ihave to do for my

humans...

Witches parking only: All others will be toad.

UADExpires 9/30/13

✂

$19.99Limit 1 per customer

SABATTUS MAIN STREET MARKET2 Main Street, Sabattus, ME 04280 • 207-375-8502

Open 7 Days a Week6am-8pm

2 LARGE 1 TOPPING PIZZAS& a 2 LITER OF SODA


Jimbo


I saw a theatrical production about puns. It was a play on words.

That whole 'I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine' thing doesn't work so well with cats.

Caleb Morris is a 10 year old boy who loves Moto cross racing. He was diagnosedwith a form of cancer called Rhabdomyosarcoma, commonly referred to as RMS,is a type of cancer, specifically a sarcoma (cancer of connective tissues). He and

his family live in Turner and travel to Scarborough almost daily for treatment.Please consider attending this benefit and donating what you can to help the family pay for the enormous medical bills associated with cancer treatment.


30th Reunion

Andrea Philbrick & Dave Marcotte

Coreen & Kevin Sturtevant

David Purington

Eric Austin


783-7039


Jimbo

September 201326

My doctor told me to cut down on sodium, but I’m taking his advice with a pinch of salt.

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

You Know You're in a Small Town When... The local doctor, the veterinarian (same person) still makes house calls.

Fresh ProduceBlackie’s Farm

Open Year Round

966 Minot Ave. • Auburn • 786-0005

996 Sabattus St. • Lewiston • 783-7020

Hours: 6am - 8pm

QuickBooks Classes Offered

BookkeepingPlus

9 Grove Street, Auburn • 782-8124

Bookkeeping Services

Buying Single Items or Entire Estates!

386 Minot Avenue • Auburn312-9139 • [email protected]

Quality Used Furnitureat affordable prices!

HARRIS BROTHERS

HARRISBROS.

Call us!No Separating Required!

743-3891PO Box 2002 • Norway, Maine 04268

SERVING: NORWAY • WEST PARISMINOT • MCFALLS • OXFORD

GOT HEAT?? FREE Pre-winter Checkup With Ad

$9.898-pc Roadies Bone-in Snack

(Sales tax not included)

FREE 2-liter Soda with purchase of any Large Pizza

Large Dagwood $4.99

Comfort

You Can

Count On!


Jimbo


Uncle Andy: How dare you incinerate that I don't know big words.

There's a lot to be said for being a man of few words.

HOURS: Mon-Sat 7am-9pm • Sun 10am-8pm

600 Turner Street, Auburnheidisauburn.com

784-3434

Locally Owned & Operated

Did you know...Heidi's makes Delicious PLATTERS and

BOXED LUNCHES for your business meetings,staff luncheons and gatherings?

Ask about our Gluten Freeoptions.

Dear Santa, for 2014, I'd like a fat bank account and a slim body. And please don't mix up the two like you did last year.

Heart of Hope Breast Cancer Fundraiser

Let’s Rock Against Cancer!September 28th 7pm – Midnight

at the Carriage House, 1119 Lisbon St, Lewiston

Live music by the Veggies!Raffles & Live Auction

Tickets$10 in advance$15 at the door

Tickets are available at:

Republic Jewelry212 Center St in Auburn

Call Chrissy @ 784-4444for tickets or to make a donation.

Contact Mitch/Carlene Sperry @ 754-0709

Carlene Sperry, a 10 year Breast Cancer survivor, is the founder of the Heart of Hope Char-itable Fund. For over 10 years she has raised money to help local women/men fightingthis terrible disease. Carlene has designed a line of Breast Cancer jewelry which includespendants & earrings to help raise money for her charitable fund. Her jewelry line is soldexclusively at Republic Jewelry which helps raise money along with her annual events.


783-7039


Jimbo

September 201328

My uncle laughed about my aunt's curio cabinet. And he knows I hate knick knack jokes.

I have the world’s largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world.Perhaps you’ve seen it. – Steven Wright

All Subarus Come With:• 12-month/12,000 miles

Warranty on all Head Gasket Issues• Vehicles fully serviced and

maintained in-house• In-house direct lending available

GTS 84K, White, Auto., 6 Cyl.

$9,950

www.rjbandson.com

2004 Mitsubishi Eclipse

Blue, Auto., 145K, Alloy Wheels, AWD

$9,950

2006 Subaru Impreza Outback Sport106K, Green, Auto., Alloy Wheels, AWD

$10,450

2008 Outback 2.5i Wagon

Special Edition, 131k, Blue, 5 Speed Manual

$9,950

2008 Subaru Legacy 2.5i

Red, 133K, Auto., 4WD, Alloy Wheels

$7,950

2004 Jeep Liberty Limited

Pewter, 76K, AWD, Heated Leather Seats, Parking Asst.

$22,950

2010 Subaru Outback Limited

AWD, 142K, Bronze, Auto., 6-Cyl 4.0L V6 DOHC 24V

$9,950

2006 Nissan Xterra SE 4WD

Alligator ShoesSubmitted by Thomas Hill

Uncle Andy was on va-cation in the swampsof Louisiana. He reallywanted a pair of gen-uine alligator shoes tobring back for his wifebut didn't want to paythe high prices thelocal stores werecharging.

After becoming veryfrustrated with the localshopkeepers, UncleAndy shouted, "I'll justgo out and catch myown alligator so I canget a pair of shoes at areasonable price!"

The shopkeeperreplied, "Good luck!Maybe you'll luck outand catch yourself abig one!"

Determined, UncleAndy turned andheaded for theswamps, set on catch-ing himself an alligator.Later in the day, theshopkeeper is drivinghome, and he spotsUncle Andy standingwaist deep in thewater, rope in hand.Just then, he sees ahuge 9 foot alligatorswimming quickly to-ward him. He lunges,wraps himself aroundthe beast and with agreat deal of efforthauls it on to theswamp bank. Layingnearby were severalmore alligators all tiedup.

Completely amazed,(continued on next page)


Jimbo


What is a mosquito's favorite sport? Skin-diving.

Did you know: It takes the average snail 115 days to travel a mile.

We buy, sell & trade

86 Court St., Auburn777-3579

Jamie Pelletier, Manager

jtreidsgunshop.com 9-5 Mon-Fri • 9-1 Sat John Reid, Owner

Call for the next N.R.A. Pistol Course

Full Line Gunsmith Service

Cigars are back!Check outour greatselection

J.T. REID’S GUNSJ.T. REID’S GUNS

Without geometry, life is pointless.

soundeffectsmaine.com216 Center Street, Auburn Next to Republic Jewelry, Parking in back of building

777-3339

Get Your Remote StarterNOW before the Rush!

CS700 S 2W900 FMR

the shopkeeper got outof his car and walkedtoward Uncle Andy.

Just then he flips thealligator on it's back,and frustrated, shoutsup at the shopkeeper,"Ugh! This one isn'twearing shoes either!!"


Riddle Me This

Q: I have two arms, butfingers none. I havetwo feet, but cannotrun. I carry well, but Ihave found I carry bestwith my feet OFF theground. What am I?

A: A wheelbarrow.

ShinGuards

Submitted by Jimbo

After I had injured oneof my shins for theumpteenth time, mydoctor suggested Iwear some sort of pro-tection. Rememberingthe shin guards I worewhen I played soccerover 60 years ago, Iwent to a local sportinggoods store.

I'm a petite, elderlywoman, so when ayoung man came tohelp me, I said, "Don'tlaugh, but I'm lookingfor a pair of shinguards for soccer."

"Okay," he said with acompletely straightface. "What position doyou play?"

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201330The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796 Open Tuesday - Sunday • villageinnmaine.com

“Best Seafood Restaurant”Ten years in a row.

Award Winning Chowder

Family Owned for 3 Generations

Large Groups Welcomed Call Ahead

Full Bar • Free ParkingLounge • Dining Room Private Function Rooms

Some of my proudest moments have been when a website told me my password was “Very Strong.”


30th Reunion

Jeff Goss, Dave Mar-cotte & Tom Swift

Sue Marston & Michelle Grenier

Tony & Jodi (Miller) Bennett


Riddle Me This

Q: How would you re-arrange the letters inthe words ‘new door’ tomake one word? Thereis only one correct answer.

A: O-N-E W-O-R-D

Jimbo to Uncle Andy:Just because your

head is pointed, thatdoesn't mean you're

sharp.

The Rawson family (back): Paul, Mackenzie & Caitlin(front): Connor & KeeganCaitlin was the winner of our social media contest(2 hot air balloon ride tickets) that ran on the UncleAndy’s Digest Facebook page. She was randomlychosen from 17,600 entries!

Thank you SO MUCH

Uncle Andy’s Digest!!!

We got to be part of

the chase crew! Caitlin & Paul flew on the

Friday night launch (8.16.13)


Jimbo


He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.— Chinese Proverb

THIRD GRADE SCIENCE: Elephants eat roots, leaves, grasses, and sometimes bark.

Did you know: The Statue of Liberty’s index finger is eight feet long.

120 CENTER STREET PLAZA • AUBURN • 786-0715 • www.gippers.com

VOTED #1 Casual Restaurant & Best Burgers in L/A area

HOURS: Sun–Thurs 11:00am – 11:00pm • Fri & Sat 11:00am – Midnight

Showing every game all season

long... in HD!

Come watch your favorite team

on our 13 plasma TVs!

Follow us on Twitter @gipperssportsgr

80-Seat PrivateFunction Room

Available

Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm Sunday 7 am – noon

87 Mill St.New Auburn753-0171

(for take-out)

• Unusual Omelettes• Crepes• Breakfast All Day• Extensive Menu

Breakfast & Lunch Specials Daily

Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!

Rolly’s Diner

Adrien Fournier turned 81 on September 4th.He works part time at Foxridge Golf Course

Rolly’s Dineris the #1 Restaurant

in the State! And I know that from experience.

Fun PunSubmitted by Ron Hood

A mother pig was walk-ing through the barn-yard one day with oneof her piglets. Sud-denly, a raccoon racedout from behind thebarn and scared theliving daylights out ofthe mother pig.

The little hog laughedto see such sport andthe sow jumped overthe coon.

Still WaitingSubmitted by Jimbo

After waiting more thanan hour and a half forher date, Sarah de-cided she had beenstood up.

Exasperated, shechanged from her din-ner dress into pajamasand slippers, fixedsome popcorn and hotchocolate, and re-signed herself to anevening of TV.

No sooner had sheflopped down in front ofthe TV when the door-bell rang. Her dad wentto the door, and therestood her date.

He took one look atSarah on the couchand gasped. "I'm twohours late and she'sstill not ready?"

If you can't laugh atyourself, you may be

missing the joke of thecentury.

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201332I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.


A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

of LewistonYou’re gonna love it!

1472 Lisbon St, Lewiston•376-3870•ChickadeeLewiston.com

What’s Going on in September at the Chick!

Take-out Available on our Full Menu

• Boiled or BakedStuffedLobsters

Best Hot Loaded CrustyLobster Roll Around!

with Rings & Coleslaw

Fully Stocked Bar$12.50$12.50

Want us to cater your next event? Food & Beverage – WE DO IT.

Buffet style or plated dinners or lunches – WE GOT IT.

Platters for 15 or 30 people – WE DO IT.Call us and we will fax you our options.

We Thank All Our Customers for a Terrific Summer.Business was good in the dining rooms, take outwas superb and we catered a number of events.

We hope going into fall our success will con-tinue. Thank you for your patronage.

• Fresh Steamer Clams • Stews & Chowders• Loaded Lobster Rolls• Fried, Baked or Broiled Seafood

• Prime Rib Au Jus

Hunting Season has Started!We Buy, Sell & Trade

481 Maine Street, Poland Spring • 998-2806Open 7-days a week: Monday - Saturday 11am - 7pm; Sunday 12pm - 6pm

TopGunofMaine.comPremier indoor shooting range open to the public

CONCEALEDWEAPON

CLASSSAT. SEPT 21STCALL FOR DETAILS

PracticalMarriage

Submitted by Jimbo

A Pastor was called toa local nursing home toperform a wedding. Ananxious old man methim at the door. Thepastor sat down tocounsel him. The Pas-tor asked several ques-tions.

"Do you love her?"

The old man replied, "Iguess."

"Is she a good Chris-tian woman?"

"I don't know for sure,"the old man answered.

"Does she have lots ofmoney?" asked thepastor.

"I doubt it."

"Then why are youmarrying her?" thepreacher asked.

"She is allowed to driveat night," the old mansaid.

Worrying is like a rock-ing chair. It gives yousomething to do, butdoesn’t get you any-where.

Riddle Me This

Q: I have a neck, butno head. I have twoarms, but no hands.What am I?

A: A shirt.


Jimbo


Des Moines, Iowa has the highest per capita Jello consumption in the U.S.

Wearing ridiculously uncomfortable shoes just because they look good is pure shoepidity.

Only female mosquitoes bite and drink blood.

BUBBLE TEA

Japanese • Korean Thai • Sushi

730 Center Street, AuburnAuburn Plaza

NEXT TO FLAGSHIP CINEMA

376-4855jasminecafemaine.com

A S I A N F U S I O N & L O U N G E

Try it

today!


Balloon Festival

Nick Brigham & Brooke Garber

The Ken Goodman All-starswere shredding it up

The view from a neighboringballoon

Floating in a hot air balloon

is very, very cool!

Sharon Lerette, Walter Hill, Cathy McDonald & Paul Colasantevolunteering at the booth for the Liberty Festival

Out ’n About at the Balloon Festival

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201334Successful dieters might win the Nobelly prize.


MONDAY: Two eggs, Sausage, Homefries, Toast .........$4.25

TUESDAY: Two eggs, Cornbeef Hash, Toast.................$4.25

WEDNESDAY: Three Blueberry Pancakes ...................$4.25

THURSDAY: French Toast.............................................$4.25

FRIDAY: Two Item Omelette .........................................$4.25

SATURDAY: Two Golden pancakes w/Sausage ............$4.25

SUNDAY: French Crepes...............................................$4.25

Prices do not include tax.Mon-Fri 5 am to 8 pm • Sat & Sun 6 am to 8 pm

Phone Orders Are Welcome

UNBEATABLE BREAKFAST SPECIALSAll breakfast specials include coffee

Daily Breakfast Specials served until 11am

$1OFF

Any Purchase

of $500

or more1 coupon per order

Please, no reproduction of coupons

✁Expires 9.30.13

5 Washington Street, Auburn

783-4304

Fresh Steak Cut & Ground Daily!

UAD Trilogies

The Uncle Andy’s salesstaff, Jimbo, Angie andUncle Andy, go on atrip to the desert.Jimbo says, "I broughtwater, so we won't gothirsty."

Angie says, "I broughtfood, so we won't gohungry."

Then, they ask UncleAndy what he brought,and he says, "I broughtthis car window, so wecan roll it down, if weget hot."

But wait, there's more!

As it turns out, the win-dow Uncle Andybrought came from astolen car. The threeare arrested, taken tojail, and put in separatecells. Somehow, Jimbomanages to get hold ofthe keys, and unlockseach of their cells.They then proceed toescape through a win-dow.

Jimbo goes first, andsees a wall blockinghis escape route. Healso sees a tall treenext to the wall, whichhe starts climbing, fig-uring this was the onlyway to get past thewall. As Jimbo reachesthe top of the wall, aguard on the other sidehears him.

"Who's there?" askedthe guard.

Jimbo replies with a(continued on next page)

You can't plow a field by turning it over in your mind.

Brian Woodard, Jim Gordan & John White

Out ’n About at the Edward Little H.S. Class of 1963’s 50th Class Reunion


Jimbo


You Know You're in a Small Town When... The sheriff, the deputy, and the street copare all the same person and can be seen on Wednesdays only.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

Chad & Roxanne Pearl, owners

Entertainment Lineup

128 Lewiston St., Mechanic Falls

345-7040

Sept. 6th . . . .DJ Just Benny

Sept. 7th . . . .Madcastle

Sept. 13th . . . .DJ Scotty Dawg

Sept. 14th . . . .Northern Groove

Sept. 20th . . .Skosh (see above)

Sept. 21th . . . .Jukebox Night

Sept. 27th . . .DJ Scotty Dawg

Sept. 28th . . .DJ Will

NOW Delivering Take-Out Orders!FREE Delivery within 10 miles

Call for more info 345-7040

New Menu!

Kids Eat FREE 12 & underSunday - Wednesday

with paying adult (in Pub only)

New

Rolling Rock Concert Series

$1 Rolling Rock Food Specials

Give-Aways

FeaturingSkosh

Sept. 20th

Happy Hour 4-7pm


(continued on next page)

convincing, "Meow.Meow."

"Oh," says the guard,"it's only a cat in atree." So Jimbo getsaway.

Angie goes next. Sheclimbs the same tree,and the same guardhears her.

"Who's there?"

"Tweet, tweet. Tweet,tweet."

"It's only a bird in atree," the guard mut-ters.

And, last but not least,it is now Uncle Andy’sturn to escape. Now hehas been watching theothers make their es-capes, and he likestheir approach. So, heclimbs the same tree,to get over the samewall, and meets thesame guard. Mean-while, Uncle Andy hasbeen concentrating -what's wrong with thatpicture? Ok, animalnoises. Think animalnoises. Of course, theguard hears him, andasks, "Who's there?"

"Moooo. Moooo."

But wait, there's more!

All three escapees arerecaptured, and taken,as targets, to the firingrange as punishmentfor their jailbreak.Jimbo, as usual, goesfirst. They bring him

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201336


47 Broad Street, New Auburn • 376-4959thefirehousegrille.biz

Fri. Sept. 6th . . . .Pop Rocks 4-7pm Chad Porter 8-11pmSat. Sept. 7th . . . . . . . .Lewiston HS 30th Class ReunionSun. Sept. 8th . . . . .MDA w/ Veggies Pigs & Pints Pig Roast $25/pp

Fri. Sept. 13th . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Haoles Band 9pmSat. Sept. 14th . . . . . . . . . . . . .DJ Scotty Dawg/DancingFri. Sept. 20th . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Chad PorterSat. Sept. 21st . . . . . . . . . . . . . .DJ Scotty Dawg/DancingFri. Sept. 27th . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Pop RocksSat. Sept. 28th . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Veggies

Never EVER Any Cover!!

SEPTEMBER BAND SCHEDULEL/A’S HOTSPOT FOR WEEKEND ENTERTAINMENT

Lunches starting at

$3.99

Under the Tent PartiesWeddings, Private Parties

Up to 200 people•Call for details

FRIDAYSLadies Night

Whiskey WEDNESDAYS

$1 off Selected Whiskey

THURSDAYSHappy Hour2pm-closing

TUESDAYSOpen Mic

MONDAYSHospitality Night

20% OFF total bill

SATURDAYSAll Day $3.50 Allagash Drafts

Did you know: A hummingbird weighs less than a penny.

32 Auburn Road, Turner225-2777

www.landmarkturner.comTues & Wed 11am-8pm; Thurs 11am-9pm; Fri-Sun 7am-9pm

$5 OFFany purchaseof $20 or more

One per person, per visit. Cannot becombined with any other offers.

UAD • Expires 9.30.13

✃

SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE!

Like us onFacebook

Seafood • Chicken • Steak • Pasta • 2-fer menu • Senior menu • Kids menu

FRIED CLAM DINNERWhole belly, crumbs or batter

$10.99

LOBSTER ROLLwith fries

$8.99

BREAKFAST BUFFETSat & Sun 8am –11am

FULL BAR & TAKE OUT AVAILABLE

Located

in the former

Chick-a-dee

of Turner

building

out, and the man incharge yells, "Ready...Aim..." But before hegot a chance to con-tinue, Jimbo yells,"Earthquake!!"

Everyone ducks andcovers, and Jimbo getsaway.

Next, Angie is broughtout. Again, the man incharge yells, "Ready...Aim..."

"Tornado!!"

They all scatter, andAngie gets away.

Finally, they bringUncle Andy out. Onceagain, he has beenwatching the other two,and, once again hasbeen concentrating -twice in the sameday?!

Once again, the man incharge yells, "Ready...Aim..."

"Fire!!!" yells UncleAndy.


Kathy (Lang) &Gary Duesburg

Out ’

n Ab

out a

t the

Edw

ard

Litt

leHi

gh S

choo

l Cla

ss R

euni

on

Riddle Me This

Q: Six glasses are in arow. The first three arefilled with milk, and thelast three are empty.By moving only oneglass, can you arrangethem so that the fulland the empty glassesalternate?

A: Pick up the secondglass and pour the milkinto the fifth glass andthen put it back in the

second position.


Jimbo


You Know You're in a Small Town When... The city limits sign is printed on both sides of the same post.

Bill Gates designed a traffic control system for Seattle when he was only 15.

ONE PAYS! TWO PLAY!Pay just one green fee and a friend plays free. Or, pay for two green fees and two play free.

www.springmeadowsgolf.com

Monday Night Scrambles4:30PM Shotgun Start - Every Monday

Singles or full teams are accepted

GOLF CLUB ATCOLE FARMS

✃Expires 8.31.12

BUY A 2014 MEMBERSHIP NOW!

Golf the remainder of2013 FREE!!

Route 100 in Gray • Just minutes from Turnpike Exit 63For tee times contact Ben Morey at 657-2586

2 for 1Must present this coupon to receive

ONE FREE GREEN FEEfor each paid green fee. Cart fee mandatoryfor each player. May not be combined withother offers. Good for 18 holes, Monday thruThursday all day, Friday thru Sunday after 1p.m. excluding holidays, tournaments and twilight play. ✃Expires 9.30.13

A variety of memberships are available. Call or visit our website for more info.

Don't believe everything you think.

5 Pigeon Hill Road (Route 26 and 11), Mechanic Falls • 998-5577

Finish a full-size omelette and have your picture put on our wall of fame!

Dominic Dymondof Poland

Wall of Fame Inductee!Family-style restaurant servingbreakfast & lunch every day!

WE’RE BETTINGWe’re right on the way to the casino, stop in for a bite.

�Home of the Double Yolker�

Egg-ceptional Restaurant

You’ll LOVE our food!

I coached himthe whole way.

Out ’n About at the Edward Little H.S.

Class of 1963’s 50th Class Reunion

Bill Morrison

Stan & Joan (Galipeau) DeOrsey

Dennis Anderson &Jane Ridlon Blue

Riddle Me This

Q: My thunder rolls be-neath me, my lightningflares above. I dust thecrust, and when I bust,all I touch will I shove.What am I?

A: A volcano

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201338


No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.

Did you know: A bee uses 22 muscles to sting someone.

www.LuiggisPizzeria.comSince 1953

MONDAYThe Fergy

TUESDAYMeatball Subs

WEDNESDAYSpaghetti Dinners

1 meatball, salad,

garlic bread, drink

THURSDAYMini Pizza

FRIDAY$1.00 OFF

Any Large Pizza

SATURDAY2 Ham or Salami

Italianswith 1.5 Liter Drink

EVERY DAY: Regular Pizza with Drink $4.99

SUNDAYBaked Ziti


Gippers Open

Mel, Sarah & Alex

Hey, that was actually a

good shot...

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885

Earlybird Special

$5 OFF✁Expires 9.30.13 UAD

macsgrill.com

any two entreesMonday-Friday • 2-4pm

L/A’s Best Steaks

Excellent new menu items including chicken, fish,

& pasta entreésCall us for your catering needs


Jimbo


A dragonfly typically has a lifespan of 24 hours.

150 Center St. Auburn • 784-7785 • ClubTexas.info

Like us on Facebook to get updates on what’s happenin’

Every ThursdayAction Packed

ThursdaysBeer PongKaraoke

Line Dancing

ZUMBA w/ Adrian Kramer Every Monday starting9/9 Check FB page for times

No CoverSaturdays

Happy Hour 8-9pm$1 Drafts$3 Wells

w/ DJ Bset Pubside

Sat. Sept. 7th No Cover

Benefit for Caleb Morris10 yr old battling cancer (2nd time)

DJ/Dancing • 50/50 Raffles

Sat. Sept. 14th $10 Cover

Fri. Sept. 20thSponge

Sat. Sept. 28thCivil Disturbance

Fri. Oct. 11thBack in BlackAC/DC Tribute

You Know You're in a Small Town When... You plug in your electric razor in a motel and the street lights dim.

Fun PunSubmitted by Ron Hood

A man who rode in acarpool felt sick when-ever they passedunder a certain tunnel.His doctor diagnosedthis as carpool tunnelsyndrome.

Holding All the Cards

Uncle Andy jumped upfrom the card tablewhite with rage.

“Stop this game,” heshouted, “Jimbo ischeating!”

“How do you know?”asked the other cardplayers.

“He's not playing thehand I dealt him,”Uncle Andy responded

"Always bring a nail

file, scissors, tweezers,

a corkscrew, a tooth-

pick and a bottle

opener to a knife fight."

– The Swiss Army

Riddle Me This

Q: Hank is 33 yearsold today. This is threetimes as old as hisbrother Harvey waswhen Hank was theage that Harvey istoday. How old is Har-vey?

A: 22.

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201340

A lot of people cry when they chop onions, but the trick is not to form an emotional bond.

"Failure is a detour, not a dead-end street." – Zig Ziglar

Uncle Andy’s Digest...with

Jimbo


The Man of Steel and Iron Man are powerful alloys.

When one door closes another one opens, you should really get that cabinet fixed.

TAYLOR BROOKDENTAL ASSOCIATES

New Patients Always WelcomePreventative dentistry - cleanings and fillings

Cosmetic dentistry - whitening, bridges, crowns, implants & more

We accept most insurances

Financing available

(207)784-157727 MILLETT DRIVE, AUBURN, ME 04210

OUR LOCATION:

TAYLORBROOKDENTAL.COM

Complete, comprehensive dentistry for ages 3 to 103

All Insurances BilledWe participate with CIGNA,

Delta Dental--PPO & State of Maine. 0% Financing Available!


Balloon Festival

Christina Noonan interviewed by Lee Nelson

Karen & Jim Albert

The view from a balloonabove

Nichole, Ron, ChelseaMajor & Ashley

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201342

When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's cute - I just find it strange how many people have knives on a date.

Perspiration is odorless; it is the bacteria on the skin that creates an odor.

Expert Custom Framing &Quality Personal Service!

Along with the best selection of frames and mats for prints,

pictures or keepsakes. 23 Cross Street, Auburn

Stock FramesFRAMES

8x10 up to 12x16

OVER 50 to choose from

ONLY $10 each

FRAMES14x18 up to 24x30

OVER 25 to choose from

ONLY $20 each

75%

OFFReady mademetal frames

786-4333

134 Main Street, Auburn • 376-3376mainstreetmusiclessons.com

We’ve Got Your Musical Accessories!Guitar strings • Reeds • Valve Oil • Cork Grease • Violin Strings • Mandolin Strings

Combination Tuners • Metronomes • Instrument Cleaning Kits & More!We special order books, instruments & accessories.

Main St. Music Lessons& Instrument Repair

Welcome Homeschool Students!

We buy used

instruments!

Authorized

Service Center



Judy Marston

These pictures better

not end up in one ofthose tabloid magazines...

Joan (Galipeau) DeOrsey, Joyce (Ouellete) Campbell, Gail (Corette) Sylvester, Linda (Lyon) Anthony (came from England), Jim Gordon

Out ’n About at the Edward Little H.S.Class of 1963’s 50th Class Reunion

Statistics are like bikinis. What they conceal is more

important than whatthey reveal.

Saturday,September 28thNoon – 3:00PMLewiston High School

A day dedicated to children’s health, safety and environmental awareness.Join us at Lewiston High School Saturday, September 28th

Noon – 3:00PM

Special Appearances from: Slugger from the Sea Dogs, Crusher from theMaine Red Claws, Monty the Moose from Community Credit Union andSparky the Dog from the Lewiston Fire Dept.

• And MuchMore!

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201344

It takes about 20 seconds for a red blood cell to circle the whole body.

In Ancient Greece, if a woman watched even one Olympic event, she was executed.

Hours: Monday, Wednesday, Friday 7:00 am - 6:00 pm • Tuesday & Thursday 7:00 am - 5:00 pm • Saturday 8:00 am - 1:00 pm

REGGIE’S SALES & SERVICEYour Local Four Season Power Equipment Dealer

Where the Pros shop!

1334 Minot Ave, Auburn • 783-0558

Dandelion root can be roasted and ground as a coffee substitute.

• Wheel alignment & balancing

• Complete brake work• Engine tune-up• Lube-oil-filter• State Inspections

FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED SINCE 1983

60 Minot Ave • Auburn782-6666 or 783-2026

CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE, INC.

A PROUD MEMBER OF THENAPA AUTO CARE TEAM

OUR TIRES

Rod Cameron & Ben Britton



Diane (Gagnon) VreelandAnnette (LaRocque) Marx

Anna Murphy

Sue (McCarthy) Hinkley & Joyce

(Ouellette) Campbell

Can I believe my eyes right

now?

Wow! It’s true...

here we are in Uncle Andy’s

Digest!!


Jimbo


Domestic pigs average a top speed of about 11 miles per hour.

Did you know: You use 14 muscles to smile and 43 to frown. Keep Smiling!

Check us out online at:

KandLGreenClean.com

"Helping the environment one job at a time"

Call us for a free quote to clean your business

K+L GREEN CLEAN, INCOwner Operated

We are now accepting more

small officeclients!

Check us out online at:

KandLGreenClean.com577-8725 • [email protected] Lauren & Kristie, owners

Celebrating our 5th Year Anniversary

You want the best for your family, and with Muralo BreatheSafe™ you get just that. BreatheSafe™ is virtually odorless andfree of VOC’s, while still keepingthe high performance propertiesyou’ve come to expect from aMuralo product.

BREATHE SAFETM INTERIOR ZERO VOC FINISH FROM MURALO.

www.lewistonpaint.com

Used Commercial Buildings for Sale

Schiavi Leasing Corp. For more info. Call103 Airport Rd. • Oxford 539-8211 or 515-1119

Ask about

Delivery and

Set-up



Joan (Larose) Barrett,Jane (Ridlon) Blue

Jane (Ridlon) Blue & friend

Richard & RuthMichaud

Riddle Me This

Q: A man takes a bar-rel that weighs 50pounds, and then putssomething in it. It nowweighs less than 50pounds. What did heput in it?

A: He put a hole in it.

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201346

“All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work.” – Steve Martin

McDonald's salads contain up to 60% more fat than their burgers!

OVER 70 VEHICLES IN STOCKNew Inventory Arriving Daily

Check out www.IndependentAuto.me

1298 & 1317 Sabattus St. Inventory

2000 Honda Civic EX, 5 speed, 115k, Blue . . . . . . . .$4,7952008 Saab 9-3, 2.0T, Auto, 115k, Silver . . . . . . . . . .$9,9952002 Saab 9-3, 140k, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$3,9952001 Saab 9-5 Wagon, Leather, 32k, White . . . . . . .$3,9952006 VW Jetta 2.5, 5 speed, 119k, Silver . . . . . . . . .$7,5002005 VW Jetta GLS, Auto, 96k, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . .$6,9952005 VW Passat GLX, 6 cyl, 138k, Blue . . . . . . . . . .$4,9952003 VW Jetta, 5 speed, Roof, 125k, Silver . . . . . . .$5,4952003 VW Passat, 122k, Green . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,5002003 VW Passat GLX, 6 cyl, 108k, Gray . . . . . . . . . .$5,9952003 VW Passat Wagon, Auto, 114k, Gray . . . . . . . .$5,7952002 VW Passat Wagon, 1.8T, 139k, Green . . . . . . .$4,9952002 VW Passat, 5 speed, 1.8T, 100k, Blue . . . . . . .$5,9952001 VW Jetta VR6, 5 speed, Roof, 95k, Red . . . . . .$5,7952002 Chrysler Sebring, 5 speed, Loaded, 93k, Silver $4,4952004 Volvo XC70, AWD, Loaded, 126k, Blue . . . . . . .$7,9952004 Volvo XC70, AWD, Loaded, 138k, Gold . . . . . .$7,4952003 Volvo S60, Loaded, Auto, 137k, Silver . . . . . . .$6,495

2004 Toyota Sequoia SR5

Leather, 103K, Pewter

CALL FORPRICE

$7500 $10495

2005 Chevy Equinox LT

AWD, 117K, Silver

2006 Cadillac SRX

AWD, 6cyl., 84K Purple2002 Volvo S60, AWD, Leather, 101k, Gold . . . . . . .$6,9952003 Dodge Neon, Auto, Low Miles 58k, Blue . . . . .$5,2952003 Kia Sedona, Leather, Low Miles 62k, Black . . .$5,0002004 BMW 3 Series, Wagon, Auto, 117k, White . . .$8,9952004 Saturn Ion, 5 speed, 4 cyl, 119k, Silver . . . . . .$5,4952004 Toyota Sequoia SR5, leather, 103k, Pewter . . .Call for price

2004 Toyota Sienna LE, 7 passenger, 114k, White . .$8,4952007 Chevy Trail Blazer LS, 4WD, 125k, Grey . . . . . .$7,9952005 Chevy Equinox LT, AWD, 117k, Silver . . . . . . . .$7,5002006 Jeep Liberty Limited, 4WD, 92k, Blue . . . . . . .$9,4952005 Jeep Grand Laredo, Leather, 90k, White . . . . .$8,9952005 Nissan Altima, 5 speed, 2.5S, 131k, Brown . . .$6,4002005 Subaru Forester, AWD, 2.5XS, 116k, Black . . .$7,9952006 Cadillac SRX, AWD, 6 cyl, 84k, Purple . . . . . .$10,4952006 Saab 9-5, 2.3T, Auto, 123k, Silver . . . . . . . . . .$6,2952007 Mazda 6, 5 speed, Roof, 127k, Silver . . . . . . . .$7,995

www.independentauto.me • 786-7744686 Sabattus St. • 1298 Sabattus St. • 1317 Sabattus St.

Lewiston


Gippers Open

His name is Mike Peters.

Sarah Wanser & Scott Landry

Daren Cote

Debbie, Amber & Autumn

Hey ladies,

what club do you think

I should use?

Well, it appears you’re about 169 yards

out. A slight breeze in yourface, might I suggest a

6-iron?

Impressive?I think so!


Jimbo


The onion is named after the Latin word 'unio' meaning large pearl.

A giraffe's kick is so powerful that it can decapitate a lion.

OVER 20 YEARS OF BUILDING EXPERIENCECall 753-9887 or 576-8528 Fully Insured • Many References Available

Best prices with the highest quality workmanship.“The Difference is in the Details”

New Homes

Call us for your FREE quote!Call us for your FREE quote!

Sun RoomsGarages

A Maine Tradition You Can Count On!

64 Lewiston Road, Gray657-4714

www.ColeFarms.comJUST ONE MILE NORTH OFF EXIT 63

OF MAINE TURNPIKE

Monday2 Crabmeat Rolls . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9.99w/salad & chips

TuesdayChicken Parmesan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8.99w/salad or cole slaw

Tues. Wed. & Thurs. Fried Clams sm. $11.99 . . . . . . . .lg. $15.79w/potato & choice of salad or cole slaw

Wednesday - Chicken Pot Pie . . . . . . . . . .$6.99w/potato & rolls

Thursday2 Lobster Rolls . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$13.99w/salad & chips

DAILY SPECIALS

Hours: Sunday-Thursday 6am – 9pm;

Friday & Saturday 6am – 9:30pm

Friday, Saturday & SundayFried Haddock* $11.99

Grilled/Baked Salmon* $12.99

Friday & SaturdayAfter 4:00 PM

Prime Rib Au Jus*Small $13.99 • Large $16.79

*with potato, choice of salad, coleslaw or vegetable & rolls

Denise Wood of Litchfield

Waitress Since 1988

I love to go above and beyond

to make my customersdining experience an

excellent one. What canI say... I love my

customers!

Betting on the Church

Submitted by Peter Asselyn

Do Las VegasChurches accept gambling chips?

This may come as asurprise to those of younot living in Las Vegas, but there are morecatholic churches thancasinos. Not surpris-ingly, some worshipersat Sunday services willgive casino chipsrather than cash whenthe basket is passed.

Since they get chipsfrom many differentcasinos, the churcheshave devised a methodto collect the offerings.

The churches send alltheir collected chips toa nearby FranciscanMonastery for sortingand then the chips aretaken to the casinos oforigin and cashed in.

This, of course, is doneby the Chip Monks.

Riddle Me This

Q: Always old, some-times new, never sad,sometimes blue. Neverempty, sometimes full,never pushes, alwayspulls. What am I?

A: The moon

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201348

Did you know: Billy Graham was once considered the best Fuller Brush salesman in North Carolina.

At room temperature, the average air molecule travels at the speed of a rifle bullet.

Servicing all makes & models of heavy equipment & trucks

Licensed Inspection Station • Hydraulic Hoses made on-site & more!

Certified Fisher Plow Dealer

HEAVY DUTY & EQUIPMENT ROADSIDE ASSISTANCE AVAILABLE

Maine Heavy Equipment Service20 Highland Spring Road, Lewiston

333-3707 • www.MaineHeavy.com

Light/Heavy Duty Trucks, Tractors,Trailer, All Plow Equipment

Repairs & Service

• Servicing all makes & models of heavy equipment & trucks

• Licensed Inspection Station

• Hydraulic Hoses made on-site

• Light Duty/Heavy Duty Trailers

We work on all equipment… not just ours!“Dependable, quality service at an affordable price!”

Keep all your equipment clean in our extra LARGE wash bay!

Give us a call. We’ll take care of your equipment like it was ours!

Denny Bly John Perron


Balloon Festival

Sam Roy

Rock climbing is kind of like Driver’s

Ed, intimidating atfirst... but con-

quering the unknown is so

much fun!

Cassie Roy

Watch me, Daddy! I’m gonna

climb that tree like the little monkey

that I am.

See! What did I

tell you!!


Jimbo


In 1948, Costa Rica abolished its military and spends the money on education and culture instead.

Each year, more than 50,000 people are injured by jewelry in the U.S.

The Dvorak keyboard is more efficient than QWERTY. 20 times faster, in fact.


Elaine Derosby, Michelle Gagne, Wendy Roy, Jen DeRosa & Greg PerkinsVolunteering at the ELHS Field Hockey booth


783-7039


Jimbo

September 201350

The octopus does not have a blind spot.

Did you know: The exact odds of scoring a hole-in-one in golf on a par three hole are 8,750 to 1.

ServiceRentalSales

111 Woodman Hill Road, Minotwww.gadowning.com

PLANNING A BACKYARD WEDDING?Ask about our

signature models!

CALL FOR PRICING

G.A. DOWNINGG.A. DOWNING782.4508

or800.924.4500

845 Washington St., Northbound in Auburn

782-5500782-5500 Towing Discountswith shop repairs

Winter is coming, get your vehicle ready!

Auto Repair • Brakes • Engines • Suspension & More

Body Work • Collision Repairs • Complete Re-sprays • Custom Paint& More!

Call for your appointment...

AWD, 126K, Loaded, Nice!

$4,295

1885 Federal Road • Livermore, Maine207-897-3323 • 207-576-4321

See full list at: TriCounty.HasYourCar.ComInspections • Walk-ins Welcome

4x4 Auto, Runs Great!

$3,500Tri County Auto Sales

‘02 VW Passat ‘00 Dodge Dakota

Full Time Auto Mechanic

IntelligenceSubmitted by Thomas Hill

There was a blonde whofound herself sitting nextto a Lawyer on an air-plane. The lawyer justkept bugging the blondewanting her to play agame of intelligence. Fi-nally, the lawyer offeredher 10 to 1 odds, andsaid every time theblonde could not answerone of his questions,she owed him $5, butevery time he could notanswer hers, he'd giveher $50.00. The lawyerfigured he could notlose, and the blonde re-luctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked,"What is the distancebetween the Earth andthe nearest star?"

Without saying a wordthe blonde handed him$5. then the blondeasked, "What goes up ahill with 3 legs andcomes back down thehill with 4 legs?"

Well, the lawyer lookedpuzzled. He took severalhours, looking up every-thing he could on hislaptop and even placingnumerous air-to-groundphone calls trying to findthe answer. Finally,angry and frustrated, hegave up and paid theblonde $50.00

The blonde put the $50into her purse withoutcomment, but the lawyerinsisted, "What is theanswer to your ques-tion?"

Without saying a word,the blonde handed him$5.

Thanks

forchoosing

us!


Jimbo


Some things are better left unsaid. If only I could determine which things.

In a lifetime, an average person walks the equivalent of 5 equators.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

Sarah Jeanne’s77 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • 795-6778

sarahjeannes.com

Family Hair Care Tanning & Day Spa

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Quick WittedSubmitted by Thomas Hill

Two guys were outwalking their dogs on ahot day, when they passby a pub.

Mike looks at his friendJohn and says “Let’s goin there for a cold drink.”

John replies with, “Theywon’t let us in with ourdogs.”

“Sure they will, just fol-low my lead.”

Mike walks up to thepub, and sure enoughthe doorman tell hims,“I'm sorry but I can’t letyou in here with yourdog.”

Mike replies, “But I’mblind and this is my see-ing-eye dog.”

The doorman says,“Okay well in that case,come on in.”

John sees this and de-cideds to do the samething. He walks up tothe front door, but thedoorman says, “Sorrysir, you can’t come inhere with a dog.”

John replies, “I’m blindand this is my seeing-eye dog.”

The doorman responds,“I don't think so buddy.You mean to tell me youhave a chihuahua for aseeing-eye dog?”

John stops for a secondlooking confused, andsays, “They gave me achihuahua?”

Mike Albert, Adam Desjardins, Bernadette Albert, Sue & Mark Desjardins


783-7039


Jimbo

September 201352

The average person has over 1,460 dreams a year!

In San Salvador, drunk drivers can be punished by death before a firing squad.

Always paying the best prices!(prices subject to market changes)

6 1 5 - 7 0 57 o r 7 9 5 - 8 8 8 7

B AT T E R Y & C O R E

15 Pierce Street, AuburnAcross from Maine Oxy. • Two driveways down from Doggz Inn.

Mon - Fri 7am - 7pm

“You are always treatedfairly and with respect!”

Paying TOP prices forcomputer scraps!

Automobile & Truck BatteriesDie CastAlloy Rims#1 Steel Prepared/better grading/

better payoutStarters & AlternatorsCatalytic ConvertersCell Phone ScrapComputer Towers Stainless

Electronic ScrapMother Boards • CoresBrass • Alternators Starters • Motors • PumpsComputer Board ScrapsCopper • Aluminum • InsulatedWire Electric Motors, Radiators, Transmissions

Maine’s Most Trusted Recycler

We pay EXTRA for copper &brass from LARGE businesses

with LARGE quantities!

Sept. 9th throughSept. 20th

Closed for vacation



George & Mary(Schoppe) Buker

Ed Welch

Velvet (Fleckenstein)Welch & Betsy Jo Bunney

Riddle Me This

Q: If it takes six mensix days to dig sixholes, how long will ittake one man to dighalf a hole?

A: There is no suchthing as half a hole.


Jimbo


“An escalator can never break — it can only become stairs.” – Mitch Hedberg

Jim Hogg, the governor of Texas from 1891 to 1895, named his only daughter “Ima.”

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz.



Margaret Veayo

Bonnie (Margolin)Faiman

Ron Field

Riddle Me This

Q: Why do black sheepeat less grass thanwhite sheep?

A: Because there arefewer black sheep than

white sheep.

Thanks

forshopping

Local!

1002 Minot Ave., Auburn • facebook.com/StevesDojo

Visit or Call 420-0139 FMI

Guys, let’s welcome the new band

members... Courtney Cunliffeand her dad, Dan.

One Direction are anEnglish-Irish pop boyband based in London,consisting of NiallHoran, Zayn Malik,Liam Payne, HarryStyles and Louis Tom-linson. They signedwith Simon Cowell'srecord label SycoRecords after beingformed and finishingthird in the seventh se-ries of the British tele-vised singingcompetition The X Fac-tor in 2010.

Posing with One Direction areCourtney Cunliffe

& Dan Cunliffe

Who’s the old guy?

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201354

The smallest mountain range in the world is outside of Marysville, California and is named the Sutter Buttes.

You Know You're in a Small Town When... The town square is actually a phone booth.

❧ Huge Wine Selection

❧ Wine Tasting Events

353-7552 • 72 Lisbon Road • Lisbon, Mainewww.benoitsbakery.com

&

Bakery

WineCellar

Mon.- Sat. 6am - 6pm;

Sun.6am - 3pm

❧ Freshly Baked Breads

❧ Freshly Made Pastries & Donuts

❧ Soups & Sandwiches

Wedding BellsCongratulations to

Joshua & Taylor Bourque,who were married on July

6th at Popham Beach.

Taylor & Josh

Jason Bourque(Josh’s brother) officiated

the wedding ceremony

Rylee & TaylorAll photos by Toni Ferraro

Photography


Jimbo


As I watched the dog chasing his tail, I thought "Dogs are easily amused." Then I realized I was watching the dog chase his tail.

One of the 'World's Strongest Man' events should be "Pulling apart two shopping cartsthat are stuck together.

14 Highland Spring Plaza, Suite AHighland Spring Road, Lewiston

• Colors

• Cuts

• Foils

• Pedicures

• Manicures

• Waxing

• Eyelash Tinting

We are a full service salon...

Hours: Tues. Wed. & Thu. 6am - 8pmFri. 6am - 3pm • Sat. 8am - 1pm

Get Your Hair Done Before Work!We’re open at 6:00am 4 days a week!!

Be Fashion Forward this FallCome see any one of our expert stylists!

Ann Dumais Kelly Giambra Sue Poulin Kim Galgovitch

Lisa Olmstead Pauline Guimond Lysa Ronan Valerie Kelshaw

Angella Brissette

Camille Cloutier

786-4311

comes from within• Lingerie size 0-6x• Women’s shoes

• Clubwear• Jewelry

Sexy

850 Lisbon St. • LewistonWed. - Sat. 10-7 • Sun. 11-6

320-1165

RMJ Collections

I want to find my missing watch, but I can never find the time. Riddle Me This

Q: Walk on the living,

they don't even mum-

ble. Walk on the dead,

they mutter and crum-

ble. What are they?

A: Fallen leaves.

Family Fun Vacation (Starting top left):Ted Morris,

Halie Vachon, Nicole Vachon, Brycin Vachon,

Emily Morris, Nemothe dog and Molly

the dog.

Why does summer have to

end?

Fun FallFamilyActivity

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201356

"Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition." — Timothy Leary

As you grow older, you stand for more and fall for less.

Route 202 in Leeds

Get Your Team together and join us for a great day of golf!

Mark Your Calendar!Friday,

September 20th


Balloon Festival

Pat & Melora Lavoie

Scott Lagasse, Elaine Deraps, Teliah

Viscone, Nadia Roy & Chloe

Jennifer Lumb, Harmony &

Brian Lowell

Check out that great looking ad on

the bottom of page 72.


Jimbo


"Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose." — Winston Churchill

The recipe said "Set the oven to 180 degrees," so I did, but now I can't open it because the door faces the wall.

Tara Brown, Tashia Brown, Tyler

& John Lamothe

Tim Turcotte & Louise WhalenELHS Grandstand Club


Balloon Festival

AerobicsSubmitted by Jimbo

The first time I met mywife, she was an in-tense aerobics instruc-tor at my health cluband I was an out-of-shape new member.After one gruelingworkout, I gasped,"This is really helpingme get toned." Shelooked me up anddown. Feeling self-con-scious, I added, "Bigmen run in my family."

She raised an eye-brow. "Apparently notenough."

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201358

First you're telling me to be myself, then you're telling me to stop being an idiot. Make your mind up.

You Know You're in a Small Town When... The Walmart, the local grocery, and UPS all have the same telephone number.


Jimbo


Jellyfish as a species are actually older than dinosaurs and sharks.

Do you think Girl Scout cookie season is scientifically timed to occur just as people are giving up on their New Year's resolutions?

Pocahontas appeared on the back of the $20 bill in 1875.

Jim’s Rent It

1097 Center St., Auburn

• Car Rentals• Pickup Truck Rentals• Convertibles

Lowest priced car rental in the area!

• Passenger Vans with 7,8,12,15 Seating Capacity

Car accidents, no problem!We offer insurance-paid car rentals

Call 784-5438 for details

www.wolfeye.com

Jack Chenard, Dianna(Dwinal) O'Connell

Martha White McGonagle



Here’s to the Class of 1963. We’ll see you

soon!

Joanne (Shea)Bollinger

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201360

Sound travels about 4 times faster in water than in air.

C3PO is the first character to speak in Star Wars.

There are more female than male millionaires in the United States.

PROTECTING YOU:Is What We Do.

commercial home auto recreational umbrella life health

232 Center St., Auburn

786-0417Mon.-Fri. 8am-4:30pm VarneyAgency.com

Kerrie RobbinsCommercial Insurance Specialist


Gippers Open

Chris Angelo

Matt Drewell

The Gippers Open is agreat time for bonding.

Pam Ashby &Dan Martin

I’ve got a few water balloons of my own...

I’m just waiting for an opportunity to present

itself.


Jimbo


Pollen can travel up to 500 miles in a day.

Beavers have orange teeth!

POOL BUILDERS OF MAINEQUALITY WORKMANSHIP, OUTSTANDING SERVICE.

795-7222www.poolbuildersofmaine.com

1525 Minot Ave. Auburn •

Any Above-GroundIMMEDIATE INSTALLATIONS!

SEPTEMBER SALE!Schedule Now for the Best Prices in Pool Winterizing!

PELLET, WOOD & GAS STOVES!Plus inserts & Contemporary Stoves

Picnic Tables for sale

25 lb. Buckets of3” Chlorine Tabs only

$99

25% OFF ALL

EZ-CLOR

PRODUCTS

Discovery LX


Redneck Blank

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201362

Hummingbirds can't walk.Out ’n About at the Edward Little H.S.


Jim & Judy Gordan

Joyce (Ouellete)Campbell

Annette (LeRocque) Marx

Assisted H

ome Care783-7375For more information visit us at: 550 College St., Lewiston

We cover Gray, New Gloucester, Turner, Augusta, Windham, Brunswick, Topsham,Bath, Mechanic Falls, Norway, Bowdoinham, Pownal and surrounding areas.

• More privacy - you get personal care in your own home.• Convenience - continuity of care. • Comfort - being in your own home.• Shorter Recovery Time - people recoup better at home.• Nursing care by qualified caregivers.

CNA’sWANTED NOW!

GREAT PAY! GREAT WORKING CONDITIONS!

Home Care Means...Assisted Home Care

Home computers arethe perfect thing forwomen who don'tfeel that men providethem with enough frustration. Jeff &

BeckyCote

If you’re looking for a good magician, look no

further...Pam & Mark Vaillancourt

Out ’n About at Mac’s Grill in Auburn


Jimbo


A baby eel is called an elver, a baby oyster is called a spat.

The say you should test your fire alarm once a month. I try but it's costing me a fortune in houses.


Riddle Me This

Q: A farmer, his daugh-ter, the policeman, andhis wife won the lotteryand divided the prizeinto three. How canthis be?

A: The farmer'sdaughter is the police-

man's wife.

1 mile south of Oxford Plains Speedway

596 Main Street, Oxford • 539-8811

MAINE-LYACTION.COM

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201364

I bought a book on obedience seven years ago, but it turns out the dog is a slow reader.

Montana borders the most Canadian Provinces of all the fifty states. It borders three of them.

Facelift Your Property

Tired of how your old deck looks?Need a new deck?

CALL THE DECK DOCTORS!Stephen Adamczyk, Deck Repair Expert

Call 713-9090 for your FREE estimate!

www.setwright.com

FIRESIDESTOVE SHOP

WOOD • COAL • GAS • PELLET

1220 Center St., Auburn784-9249

www.firesidestoveshop.com

Quiet, clean, elegant stoves. Several styles to choose from.

Out ’n About at the Great Falls

Model RR Club

Bryce Weeks

Ken Nettleship &Chandler Ireland

Racine Bruce and Adam

Ivan and Gerry Smith

Tyler Randall

What a blast this

place is!

at the Train Fest Family Fun Day

GarrisonWhetzel

son of Stacy Whetzel atKitchen solutions

Mom, will you hurry up

and take the picture?! There’s a cute girl over there

waiting to go boogie boarding

with me...

Paul Lodge You canfind me over at the Great

Falls Model RailRoad Club at144 Mill St in Auburn.

Got photos you’dlike published?

Wait no more!

Email them to [email protected]

[email protected] • facebook.com/thedoggzinnhttp://thedoggzinn.googlepages.com

Boutique includes full line of dog supplies & products

Planet Dog • Blue Buffalo • Lupine • Red Dingo • Mason Antlers

Est.2008

Dog Grooming, Daycare & Boutique

FUN, SAFE & SUPERVISED PLAY ENVIRONMENTWe have 6,000 sq. ft. of indoor heated comfortable play area. We are the only facility in the state that offers everything for yourpup, from daycare to grooming, transportation, dog food and sup-plies all under one roof!

Max PSince April2012

SavannahSince March2013

Since February2011

Since August2013

Hyzer

65 Washington St., Auburn • 333-3640

MaxSince

October

2012

CasperFULL DAYS OF PLAY AS LOW AS

$16 PER DAY!We're so glad you're back to play andfeeling better after your surgery!! :)

I'm a 5 year old Yorkie

mix looking for a

furever home!

I'm a sweet girl who

loves to cuddle and

will always greet you

with a smile!

Ella

No payment contracts! If your dog doesn'tcome to play, you don't pay!!

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201366

Don't complain to me. When I was a kid, we actually had to get out of the car and OPEN the garage door.

They say you need to listen to what your body is telling you. But mine just points and laughs.

The only social fraternity founded during the Civil War was Theta Xi fraternity, at Rensselear Polytechnic Institute in Troy, New York in 1864.

Trenchless Sewer and Drain Rehabilitation

PERMA-LATERALTM

TRENCHLESS PIPELINING SYSTEM

521 Federal Road, Livermore • 207.320.2177Seals broken areas in Cast Iron, PVC, Orangeburg, Clay Pipes & More!

Call today to have a Clear Drains ofMaine technician perform a site evalua-

tion and provide you with a detailed estimate for rehabilitating your failing

sewer or drain line with ourNO DIG

TRENCHLESS TECHNOLOGY!

Visit us online:

ClearDrainsofMaine.com

392 Center Street, Auburn

786-0112HairByGregorys.comBack from L to R: Taylor, Cori, Kelly, Terry & Linda

Front from L to R: Jennifer, Michael, Kathy, Tina & Nuria

Pre-book your next appointmentand be entered to win a

FREE haircut! Drawing to be held on Oct. 1st

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

Chandler Ireland &Lanna Hartley

Chuck & Deb Scott-Henderson

Lilly & Ayden Franzen

Ralph Strout & Ava Grenvill


Model RR Clubat the Train Fest Family Fun Day


Jimbo


The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.

The shopping mall in Abbotsford, British Columbia, Canada has the largest water clock in North America.

960 Main Street, Oxford • 539-4149500 feet North of the New Balance Factory Outlet Store

Largest Indoor Flea Market in the Area!

Open7 Days a Week9 AM - 5 PM

Featuring

131Vendors

Come to Oxford’s only original indoor flea market!

Open 7 days a week year-round for your shopping!

We honor:M/C, DEBIT, ATM, VISA,

Am. Express & Discover cards

VISIT

“THE BOOK NOOK”

Collectibles • Coins • Glassware • Sports Cards • Furniture • BEANIE BABIES

Advertising Items • Jewelry • Cassettes • DVDs • CD’s • Videos • Antiques & Lots More!

Always

Buying

Regular Paperbacks$1/each

$3.50 each for most Hardcover Books

Selective Hard Covers $2

20% OFFall Audio Books (books on tape & CD)

Over 55,000 Pre-Read Books

& Cookbooks

Pre-Read Books arriving daily

Large Selectionof FentonGlassware!

20% - 75% OFF

INVENTORYREDUCTION

SALE!

Paul PinetteC&W Protective Services

Jimbo and I go way back...

but I’ll have no problemkicking his butt out of

any nightclub I’m working at.

Dean BerryC&W Protective Services

Not that you’d need any help with thatweakling, but I’m here if

you need me, Paul.

Out ’n About

Riddle Me This

Q: SEA PIGEON is ananagram of what nine-letter word?

A: Espionage

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201368

The kids text me "plz" Because it's shorter than "please". I text back "no" because it'sshorter than "yes".

Ever think you're hearing something in a song, but they're really singing something else?The word for mis-heard lyrics is mondegreen.

THE BEAR NECESSITIES

Primitive Home Decor & Gift ShoppeEnter a world of a simpler time... As you enter our

shoppe, you are embraced with warm scents and a great selection of primitive, colonial and country home decor, custom made furniture and needful things!

Owners - Tammy & Gerry Charette

Join us on September 14th (10 ~ 4) for

our Billy Jacobs Appearance and Signing

• Johnston Bench Works

• Reproduction Furniture

• Old Village Paints

• Primitive/Colonial Lighting

• Family Heirloom Weaver Textiles

• Window Treatments

• 1803 Candles • Potpourri • Pottery

• Room Sprays • Quilts • Braided Rugs

• Scarecrows • Prim Pumpkins

• Gift Certificates • Clubs • Layaways

Hours: Tuesday-Friday 10-5 Saturday 10-4

35 Vernon StreetAuburn Maine 04210

(207) 786-0992

PrimitiveArtist Signing

The Bear Necessities,located at 35 VernonSt. in Auburn, is hon-ored and excited tobe hosting Billy Ja-cobs in their Shoppefor a signing on Sep-tember 14th from10AM to 4 PM.

Billy Jacobs is ahighly establishedand well known folkartist, musician,song writer,and pho-tographer. His amaz-ing prints arewarming hearts andfilling homes!

This is going to bea Primtastic event somark your calen-dars! You wont wantto miss this opportu-nity to have your fa-vorite Billy Jacobsprint signed andmeet the artist him-self!

Amazing doorprizes and yummyrefreshments will beprovided.

FMI call The BearNecessities at 786-0992 or LIKE themon Facebook for up-dates and otherhappenings.


Jimbo


“The cool part about naming your kid is you don't have to add 6 numbers to make sure the name is available.

Albert Einstein’s last words were spoken in German. As the nurse attending him didn’t speak the language, we’ll never know what he said.


Redneck Blank

He looks like anOlympian...

1 mile south of Oxford Plains Speedway

596 Main Street, Oxford • 539-8811

maine-lyaction.com

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201370

“The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it” – Michaelangelo

MID MAINE DRUG SCREENING & INVESTIGATIONSFull Service Drug Testing Company & Private Investigator

155 Center Street • Building G • 577-6000 [email protected] • www.MMDRUGSCREENING.com

NEW! Instant & EZ Drug Test

On-Site Services Available For:•Drug & Alcohol Testing • Hair Folicle Testing • DNA/Paternity Testing

We also offer:• Tenant Screening • Background Checks • Private Investigations

• Pre-employment/Corporate Drug Screening • Pre-probation Drug Testing • Drug Test Kit Supplies • Trail Preparation

Save Money!www.mmdrugscreening.com

EZ Drug Test Split Key Cup Results in minutes!

EZ Drug Test Split Key Cup is 99% Accurate and gives results inminutes! Fully integrated cup where the tester does not have tocome in contact with the urine. Tests for 10 drugs! Cocaine, Am-phetamine, Methamphetamines, Marijuana, Opiates, Phencycli-dine, Barbiturates, Benzodiazepines, Methadone, and Ecstacy.

Available from 5 to 12 panels

Volume Pricing AvailableCall for details!

Save Money!For more information on all of our services visit out website

www.mmdrugscreening.com

The common goldfish is the only animal that can see both infra-red and ultra-violet light.

Where in theWorld is

Brad Hooper?

Well, right now, he isplaying at the Freedom

Cafe in Naples

Tiffany Churchillwith her daughter,

Kiley Plourde Tiffany works at Happy DaysRestaurant in New Auburn

Riddle Me This

Q: Though liquid in na-ture, don't push me toofar; for then I will break,and the damage mayscar. What am I?

A: Glass

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201372

Did you know: Until the 1960s men with long hair were not allowed to enter Disneyland.

THIRD GRADE SCIENCE: Black holes are formed by unknown matters of solids as wellas gasses. If you are in a black hole, your head would be at your feet.

Serving all of Maine for over 40 years!

Commercial • Residential • IndustrialCall us foryour FREE

quote TODAY!

Paving (Driveways & Parking Lots) • Crack Repair Seal Coating • Concrete • Excavating • And More!

SUPERIOR PAVING COMPANY

782-4010

SUPERIOR PAVING COMPANY

Did you know: Over 40 million Ritz crackers are purchased every day.

Christina Noonanwith her son, Henry

It’s true... my mom is one of the master

minds behind the GreatFalls Balloon Festival.

She’s actually the Marketing Director, but

to me she is a mastermind.

How come younever see Cupid

with a girlfriend?

Go to: facebook.com/UncleAndysDigest

Click on “Enter to WIN”

Auburn Plaza Family Dentistryis giving away this great prize to one lucky winner!

Like us & Uncle Andy’s Digest on Facebook to stay in the loop.

Contest ends

Sept. 11th

Enter to win this


Jimbo


Work is for people who don't know how to fish.

I'm busier than a one-toothed man in a corn-on-the-cob eating contest.

This amazing Balloon Festival picturesubmitted by Sandy Berube Turcotte

Tasha Pelletier & Katie RubinoTasha works at Marc's Auto Body in Auburn

Color MeRad 5K

How do they get the 'Do not walk on grass' signs way out in the middle of the lawn?


Justin Binette, Bert Levesque, Barbara & Frank Bart and Brian Michaud

Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201374An obstacle is something you see when you take your eyes off the goal.

ANDROSCOGGIN TITLE COMPANY

95 MAIN STREET • AUBURN, MAINE 04210

Title Insurance • Title Searches • Real Estate Closings

Bart Kelsea, President

(207) 784-6413

Sarah Simpson, a native ofAuburn and a 2010 graduate ofSt. Dom’s. She achieved her As-sociates degree from CentralMaine Community College andthen was accepted to EmbryRiddle Aeronautical University inDaytona, Florida. Sarah is work-ing on finishing up her Bachelorsdegree.

Sarah competed and wascrowned, Ms. Petite America, inHartford, CT last month. Herparents, Tim & Karen Simpsonare very proud and Tim states,“Not only is Sarah pretty, shehas the brains to back it up! Itwas great to see her crownedMs. Petite America, but it’s evenbetter to see her getting an edu-cation of a lifetime.”

In this photo, Sarah is at thepeak of Cadillac Mountain in BarHarbor. We challenged her dadthat if he submitted a photo ofSarah holding up Uncle Andy’sDigest we would publish it. Wewould have published it eitherway, but this photo is very cool.

Congratulations, Sarah!

Ms. Petite America 2013

SarahSimpson

BurglarySubmitted by Jimbo

The detective was in-terviewing the manwhose clothing shophad just been burglar-ized.

"It's bad," said the pro-prietor, "but it's not asbad as it could havebeen if he'd robbed meyesterday."

"Why is that?" the de-tective asked.

"Because today every-thing was on sale."


Jimbo


I saw a sign: "Rest Area 25 Miles". That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.

207.784.2011Lease Property Referral

www.yourleasingoffice.com

Lease and Property Management

Addictive Advertising Specialties

A cure for all of your promotional product needs!

Pens, wearables,drinkware, calendars

& [email protected]

Got a Bad Tattoo?Prove it and remove it... FREE!

is looking for the WORST tattoo in theL/A area from now to Sept.14

One winner receives a free removal!

Message us your photo on our Facebook page, or email us at [email protected]

34 Center St., Auburn • 333.3069

Howland • Lewiston, ME • 1-800-625-4136

DAVE IRELAND BUILDERS, LLCWe have over 2,500+ satisfied

Energy Audit and Air-Sealing programcustomers thanks to our partnership

with efficiency MAINE!

Miss PetiteAmerica

Sarah Simpsonmakes an

appearance at Disney.

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201376

National Atheist's Day April 1st.

Keep your head in the clouds.. you're the first to know when it rains, and it's easier to see the silver lining.

www.stlauren

20 Highland Spring Road, Lewiston784-7944

READY OR NOT.It’s NOT too early to start thinki

Attention Landscapers & Contractors!We sell bulk sand/salt and straight salt. Call us for your snow

removal needs!

Money Sav


Redneck Blank


Jimbo


The propeller is just a big fan in the front of the plane to keep the pilot cool. Want proof? Make it stop; then watch the pilot break out into a sweat.

Nothing written in fine print is ever good news.

ntandson.comLocally owned and operated since 1970!

... IT’S COMING!ng about the upcoming season!

Commercial PlowingSanding, Salting

Snow Removal

Fully Insured • EOE

Call us for a FREE Quote!

ving Multi-Year Contracts AvailableAsk Today!


Redneck Blank

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201378

Always remember to proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

Worry is the first time you can't do it a second time; panic is the second time you can't do it the first time.

Medical Condition

Submitted by Jimbo

We were thoroughlyconfused. While tran-scribing medical audio-tapes, Patty, myco-worker, came uponthe following garbleddiagnosis: "This manhas pholenfrometry."

Knowing nothing aboutthat particular condi-tion, Patty doublechecked with the doc-tor.

After listening to thetape, he shook hishead.

"This man," he said,translating for her, "hasfallen from a tree."

Riddle MeThis

Q: Carl the butcherwears a size 12 shoe,is 6 feet 3 inches tall,and wears a 42-longsuit. What does heweigh?

A: He weighs meat.

Riddle MeThis

Q: Shoot at me a thou-sand times and I maystill survive; onescratch from me andyou will find yourprospects take a dive.What am I?

A: An eight ball


Jimbo


By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

No one can ruin your day without your permission.

Family Friendly Dentistry

is accepting new patients

willowrundental.com

Come meet our friendly Dentists & StaffScott Beckerman, DMD

Geraldine Schneider, DMDJeffrey Sloan, DDS

• Family cosmetic dentistry• Emergency same-day care• Most insurance plans accepted

783-0261One Willow RunUnit 1-B, Auburn

Willow Run Dental Association

I was a bank teller. That was a great job. I was bringing home $450,000 a week.

Showroom Hours: Mon., Tues., Wed., Fri. 8AM - 4:30PMOpen Thurs. until 6PM

APPOINTMENTS RECOMMENDED

Glenda Mitchell: [email protected]

Tim Fox: [email protected]

Make an appointment with our showroom consultants to get easy access to a

“World of Choices,” ideas and advantages.

Redlon & Johnson is a wholesale company and does not sell retail

Partnering with Professionals

3 Middle Street, Lewistonshowroom.redlon-johnson.com

Now available in Oil Rubbed Bronze

Denise Purington, Rita Vatter & Terry James

Jake & Monique

Maurice Fortin with Tyler,Emma, & Mary Randall

Tiffany Sinclair & Ricki Merchant


Model RR Clubat the Train Fest Family Fun Day

Does anal retentive have a hyphen?

One time I went to a museum where all the work in the museum had been done by children. They had all the paintings up on refrigerators.

Come see us for:

865 Sabattus StreetLewiston

333-3004Hours: Mon- Fri 9:00am - 5:00pm

Sat 8:30am - 4:00pm

LIQUIDSUNSHINECAR WASH& DETAIL

• Basic Car Wash all by hand

• Full Recons

• Multi-car Dis-counts Offered

• Superior Clean-ing Products

• SatisfactionGuarantee

• ReferencesAvailable Upon Request

These guys do a top notch job!

I would highly recommend them to

anyone.

Rick of Rick’s Pools in Lewiston

Another Happy Customer!

867 Center St. Auburn • 753-0033LakeCityExports.com

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#10 This vehicle has a great

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2007 Saturn Aura112k, Leather, Auto, Loaded

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2011 Ford Fusion76k, 4 cyl, Auto

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Sea-bring your beach towel

2008 Chrysler Sebring100k, Auto, Roof

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Kemo-SAABy once you ownthis beauty

2007 Saab 9-571k, Auto, 2.3T

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gives you a groovy soul

2010 Kia Soul90k, 4 cyl, Auto

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nickname ‘Johnny Nitro’

2007 Dodge Nitro SXT94k, Auto, Must see

$10,490

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you know you want to

2008 VW Passat Komfort97k, Leather, Auto, Beauty

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this car is a smokin’ deal

2008 Honda Accord68k, 4 cyl, 5 speed

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you driving this sexy beast

2008 Toyota RAV4103k, Auto, Sweet ride

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way to Santa Fe

2008 Hyundai Santa Fe72k, Auto, Extra clean

$12,490

Top SalesmanCOLIN DUBE

Find these and a whole lot more on our website!

Uncle Andy's Digest - September 2013

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