Social Development, Friendship and Mate Selection

Nature of Relationships

• Need for Affiliation

• Evolutionary value

• Varies with situation

cognitive clarity

emotional comparison

emotional support

Reciprocity and Interdependence

• Basic unit is the dyad

• Dyad is reciprocal/interdependent

• Relationships are dynamic

Benefits of Relating

• Information and assistance

• Learn about culture and history

• Identify and select mates

• Receive reassurance/help with coping

• Contributes to sense of self

• Provide companionship

• Source of interest/fun

Links to Well-Being

• Health and mortality• Relationship between social relations and

health is bidirectional• Quality more important than quantity• Negative social interactions lower self-esteem undermine coping increase physiological arousal

Characteristics of a High-Quality Relationship

• Social Support: interpersonal transactions that provide the following:

• positive affect

• affirmation

• aid

Impact of Quality of Life

• Social support: contributes to sense of well-being and life satisfaction

• Reduces uncertainty and enhances sense of personal control/social competence

• Contributes to self-esteem

Impact on Mental Health

• Social support protects from negative effects of stressful life events

depression

schizophrenia

alcoholism

Impact on Physical Health

• Social support related to positive effects on three systems:

cardiovascular, endocrine, immune

• Mechanisms: buffer effects of stress and enhance health promoting behaviors

Convoy Model of Social Relationships

• Enmeshed in social network of emotionally close others

• Moves with the person through life

• Person gives and receives social support

Developmental Patterns

• Late adolescence/early adulthood: social exploration and expansion

• Early 30s: convoy has been selected; peripheral relationship dropped

Theories of Social Aging

• Disengagement: mutual withdrawal

• Activity: withdrawal imposed

• Socioemotional selectivity theory: actively selecting

• Goal is to maximize social/emotional gains and minimize social/emotional risks

Impact of Early Experience on Adult Relationships

• Erikson: psychoanalytic hierarchical stage theory

• Intimacy at time of expanding social interaction

• Attachment theory

Attachment Theory

• Life-span perspective

• Attachment: an emotional bond between two people

• John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth

• Continuing influence on subsequent relationships

Key Components

• Attachment behavioral system: ethology universal to species purpose: promote proximity for survival preprogrammed, signaling behaviors initially indiscriminate maternal sensitivity/responsiveness shapes quality affectional bonds

Key Components 2

• Quality of Attachment

• Secure: 62%; responsive/sensitive caregiving

• Anxious/Ambivalent: 15%; inconsistent/inappropriate caregiving

• Avoidant: 23%; unresponsive/rejecting caregiving

Key Components 3

• Working Models: cognitive component

• Mental representations self and other

• Key to long-term effect

• Adult attachment regulated by internal working models formed early in life

Attachment Theory and Romantic Love

• Attachment styles originating infancy influence romantic love relationships

• Secure: happy, friendly, trusting, accepting, supportive; last twice as long

• Anxious/ambivalent: jealousy, emotional ups and downs, desire for reciprocation, intense sexual desire; fall in love quickly while finding relationships unsatisfying

• Avoidant: fear of intimacy, jealousy, lack of acceptance; believe love hard to find and rarely lasting.

Reorganization of Mental Models

• Some able to overcome negative parent-child relationships

• Reorganization- some history of secure attachment

• Secure style very stable• More likely to move to secure style if:

educated

lived away from parents

and/or lived with with spouse before marriage

Advantages of Attachment Theory

• Provides a life-span perspective

• Offers insight into origins of various relational styles

• Emphasis on working models consistent with schemas in cognitive psychology

Limitations of Attachment Theory

• Methodological: self-report data

• Cultural variations

Friendship

• Research issues: Studies of development in adulthood are rare

• Definitions vary

• Few longitudinal studies

• Overgeneralization

Nature of Friendships

• Why we make friends: sociable system • Definition: a voluntary association between

equals high in similarity and whose primary orientation is toward enjoyment and personal satisfaction

• Longevity• Voluntary; less regulated by social/legal• Based on similarity• Oriented toward enjoyment• Trust

Functions of Friendships

• Contributes to self-esteem

• Serve as confidants

• Serve as models of coping

• Buffer stress

• Provide acceptance

• Major source of enjoyment

Friendship vs. Kinship

• Family: more significant and long-term assistance

• Obligatory, not voluntary

• More different in terms of interests, age

• “Get on nerves more”

• Some overlap and substitution

Gender Differences

• Women: closer, deeper, more intimate, offer more support, more satisfied, more communal or helping orientation, greater levels of continuity, more frequent contact

• Men: group and activity oriented, more guarded less self-disclosing, less intimate

• Men expect less and tolerate conflict

Friendship Development Over the Life Span

• Rate of interaction declined after high school and rose again in oldest group

• Middle-aged less than 10% of time

• Newlyweds: largest friendship network

• Often durable over time

• Women: available time and need

• Men: take place of family members

Leaving Home

• “Boomerang kids”

• Due to: financial or personal setback, unemployment, parent’s affluent life-style

• Parents influence process of leaving home

Mate Selection

• Process of successive hurdles• Filters: • Propinquity: repeated exposure effect• Attractiveness: matching hypothesis, evolutionary

hypothesis• Similarity: niche picking• Reciprocity• Complementarity: family myth• Timing: temporal readiness