Salvator Mundi Book One

8/13/2019 Salvator Mundi Book One

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SALVATOR MUNDIa fable for our time

Copyright E. J. Ward 2011

All rights reservedThe moral right of the author is asserted

It seems the Hawaians accorded extreme sanctityand untouchabiity to a Chie! born o! a brother and

sister" themse#es aready born to a brother andsister. $hey thought this produced a %ure &eing" a

'() amost.*

This is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons, groups, ororganisations living or dead is unintentional.

PROLOGUE

BOOK ONE - The amil! (Oct 16th ov !"th#

BOOK T"O - The Pla# (ov !"th $ec 1%th#

BOOK T$REE - Lau% ($ec 16th &an 6th#

BOOK OUR - &om'uter Game (&an 'th 1th#

BOOK IVE - Dialo(ue )ith the Ma*ter (&an !1st )1st#

BOOK SI+ - The &a,e (*e+ 1st ar 1-th#


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this tragedy, (if that is what it is#, +ut 2 owe it to ary to tell her story.2 cannot withhold that. 5..*

BOOK ONE T$E AMIL.

(Oct 16th ov !"th1'#

T02 $2A


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& sa! nothing about spending the night in the forest.(owldes looks disgusted. He knows m hiding something.m "O tired3 And ashamed3 Cr!ing again, but swollen witha new thing. Almost like lo%e. Like a new life.

"at 1th&f d known it would end like this3 Am seeing m!self as & amfor the first time7 tri%ial, cle%er and pretentious.(owldes sa!s a man has walked into $allbeck 8olice"tation answering the description of the missingps!chotherapist "am 9oodchild. Carr!ing a knife, with self4

inflicted wounds all o%er his bod!. He is in shock andcannot speak. :Coincidentall! it is his farm we are using as8olice H.;. He had let it while awa! in America.< 9oodchildnow being treated in the place where apparentl! he onceworked7 8s!chiatric nit of $allbeck 9eneral Hospital.:$here we took the old fellow into Casualt! the othernight.""8&C&O". He stares at me as if d stolen the spare ke!of his +$ and asks if d like to sta! on the case' 5emainhere at the farm and *uestion "am 9oodchild in hospital'Am appalled./$h! me "ir' m a librarian30(owldes sa!s he has to get back to organise the search for

the bo! +- who has not been seen since 6 sighting. Hewill gi%e me a 8olice &2 so & can inter%iew people7/And & think 9oodchild might respond better to a woman.0/+ut what about m! ?ob'0 & cr! outraged. /The!#ll need mein London30/ll get temporar! co%er for !ou. >ou#ll be on officialtransfer to the 8olice at $allbeck. $ith out4of4town

e@penses of course. ust while !ou sort this out. ll get !our&2 card endorsed b! $allbeck for 8olice in%estigation.0 And


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he "&L" at me 3 This is worse than & thought. +ut & standfirm7/d rather not "ir, if !ou don#t mind. %e no e@perience incarr!ing out a 8olice in%estigation, and it seems mostirregular. m not trained for it. d rather come back to townwith !ou.0(owldes looks at me gimlet e!es7/$hate%er is the matter with !ou "later' >ou in lo%e orsomething' & want !ou to sta! on +CA" !ou#re note@perienced in 8olice work. >ou don#t look like a copper.

The!#ll talk to !ou.0 He looks casuall! out of the window.

/And !ou#re the onl! one who knows what#s going on,0blandl!, /aren#t !ou "later'0m so frightened he#ll smile again that & sa! nothing. &t is atrap. He has no right to ask me to assume 8olice duties,and if & agree it is collusion. & open m! mouth to refuse, butm! mind tracks back to the ca%e like a homing animal and &close it again blushing. (owldes looks at me curiousl! for a

moment then goes with a little smile to arrange m! &2 card.The game is on. Complicit!. A secret bond. And nothingmore will be said. That e%ening he lea%es for London.

"un 1Bth& look at m! new pass. &t#s true & don#t look like a copper7 ahelpless !oung woman with soft brown hair and blue e!es.A bit wet. & put the card in m! bag and sit on the bed. & will

sta! on up here in the attic where rabbits with blue coatsand red hats prance on faded peeling wallpaper stainedwith children#s li%es. A tottering bed is propped up b! apiece of wood, and a shabb! patchwork *uilt torn in se%eralplaces. The dormer window is cracked and the framearthritic and flaking. +ut there is such deep stillness uphere that & ha%e to lie down. /8lease help me0 & sa!. /"how

me how & can put right what & ha%e done. ll do an!thing.0


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& wake up shaken and wobbl! the intense peace hasonked me out.

on DEthTo $allbeck 9eneral Hospital as instructed to see therapist"am 9oodchild F gaunt, bearded, gre! hair combedsweetl!. His self4inflicted wounds ha%e been dressed, he isall washed and gowned, and F H &" TH A- (5O THCA=3 $e are both shocked. He doesn#t speak, ?ust staresat me with astonished recognition as if he knows me of old.$ho does he think & am' & show m! 8olice pass to "ister

Lewis who tells me that 9oodchild has been caught in thekitchens stealing a car%ing knife./Of course he knows his wa! about, he used to work here0she sa!s. Of course. & feel shak! and sit down. $hat#s goingon' (irst the affair in the ca%e and now this. 2oes he wantto kill himself'"uddenl! & remember the other old man we brought in with

a head4wound during the storm. & go up to look for him in&ntensi%e Care. He is still unconscious and not e@pected toli%e. -ame7 Christ! Laud. Age D.

Tues D1st"till shak!. As if %e been machine4washed, tumble4dried,and spat out in need of ironing. 5ing (owldes to tell himabout 9oodchild and the car%ing4knife and he sa!s to sta!

with it, talk to nurses and relati%es, keep a record of theirmo%ements and make transcripts of all the inter%iews. Andto send in a weekl! report. Am speechless. $onder if &would en?o! being a copper. "hould hate that.G pm. +ack to hospital where "am 9oodchild follows mewith his e!es as if & am the answer to something. He thinks& am someone else. He has a %isitor, his (ATH5, (oster

9oodchild, BEish, white4haired and biblical. 5etired Head of"ell!wick "chool according to "ister Lewis. Looks like 9od.


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%e seen him somewhere. /=isibl! shaken0 when he seesme. :& do ha%e a funn! effect on the people here.< He asksif his son "am has talked to me, and when & sa! -o, heseems relie%ed. Hmm3pstairs in &ntensi%e Care old Christ! Laud is stillunconscious. +ut there is a delicious all4per%ading perfumein the air, :/>outh 2ew0 & belie%e (5O

TH CA=3 nmistakable clouds of billowing steel4wool hair,plump e@tro%ert mo%ements and glowing e!es. =er! $elsh


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like F !ou#%e guessed it F her OTH5 (lora Laud upstairs."he is Thessal! 9oodchild, late E#s & should guess, andalso %er! distressed. & ha%e to sit down to take notes here7"he is Christ! Laud#s daughter, so "am, her husband, mustbe her cousin. The!#re all the same famil!3 Together the!look like a bunch of frightened children who ha%en#t beencollected after a part!. :&n fact rather the wa! & feel m!self.es "ir. +ut onl! sherr! "ir.0


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Thurs DGrd

A breakthrough3 A strange thing has happened. 2el%inginto the back of m! attic wardrobe after a lost shoe &disco%ered a door into the roof4space be!ond, where famil!rubbish of all the ages had accumulated. Heartbreakingstuff, poor be!ond belief, cracked and broken pots andfurniture shodd! and cheap when new, it re%ealed thefearful po%ert! of the past. +ut also old schoolbooks, linedand scrolled with childish loops and painful ink! smudges,small hands struggling bra%el! with the unforgi%ing

copperplate. And then the famil! photographs F & was lostfor the morning. 2aguerreot!pes, dust!, faded and fl!4blown, of Har%esting and the "unda! "chool Outing, trips to"carborough and the annual %illage fete, weddings,christenings and ploughing4matches. Arcadia, an@ious,innocent and painfull! scrubbed.

Then the faces began to seem familiar. A breathtaking

pair of changelings, hands clasped against the terror of themoment, light4haired and round4e!ed with an@iet!, the littlebo! ) perhaps, the little girl no more than D. +elow,painstakingl! written, /Christ! and ar! Laud 1BDD0. Andthe little girl was me.& went on then, m! heart beating rapidl!. 1BG67 e again,age 1, in ar!#s wedding to the much older schoolteacher(oster 9oodchild, with all the poor scrubbed famil! ranged

around them, smiling painfull!. +ut where was her brotherChrist!' And then Christ!#s own marriage soon after in$ales7 a %er! st!lish (lora, and Christ! so handsome with ablond moustache in 1BG). +ut no sister ar!. A christeningphoto of "am with folded fat legs and blind bab! gae, nowsightless in the 8s!chiatric nit, l!ing in his mother ar!#sarms. And with her soft brown hair and gentle helpless e!es

she was once again m! double. 1BB and the wedding ofadult "am to his %ibrant cousin Thessal! was a smart affair7


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so shin! she looks with close4cropped glamorous hair, and"am dark and gloss! with imminent success. And, the same!ear, a picture of their bab! daughter. Another ar!, andanother picture of me3 -o wonder the! were all %isibl!shaken.

$ith trembling hands & ring (owldes and ask to be taken offthe case. & want to resign./$h!'0 he snaps./m getting in%ol%ed0 m! %oice is husk!./>ou#%e been &-=OL=2 with this case for the last three

!ears "later, isn#t that true'0& sniff helplessl!./$hich is wh! & want !ou on it30/+ut what do !ou want me to 2O'0 & wail./(ind out what#s going on30 he shouts. / The &2A behindit30/+ut it ma! be a %er! +&9 idea "ir. A %er! OL2 idea.0

/"later, there is nothing bigger or older than insurrection.0& sa! nothing./>ou know what "later' >ou are a sentimentalist. >ou gi%ein to it. >ou get o%erwrought and morbid and then !ou getthe %apours. &t#s time !ou toughened up. >ou#re aprofessional $&8 "later. . . 0& slam the phone down. $hich is what he wants. +ecausenow & ha%e to go on with it. This is bull!ing and personal

abuse. He#d ne%er get awa! with this if he wasn#t top brassas well as dish!. +ut m a soft target and off trots rsouse to the hospital again, strangel! comforted. Andclearl! in need of ps!chiatric help.G pm. &n &ntensi%e Care old Christ! Laud has regainedconsciousness. His wife (lora, headil! perfumed, pink silkscarf flowing, holds his hand and smiles gallantl! through

her tears, white head noble in grief.


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/"o she is "am 9oodchild#s A-T'0 & whisper to "isterLewis. "he looks at me sidewa!s and arranges the flowersb! the bed.And here comes another one. (or at that moment theirdaughter Thessal! appears and & see the hilarious $elshfamil! gene, bursting with life. The! are so pleased atChrist!#s return to consciousness that & am included in their

?o! 4 and tears of course. "eeing me furti%el! wipe m! e!esthe! open their hearts to me, and suddenl! we are as one,wrapped, held, herded together b! the terrible fact of whathas happened. -o more barriers. $hat a relief to talk at

last. :&s this what (owldes was waiting for'0 sa!s Thessal! alarmingl!./And "am#s is to be at fault'0/"omething like that.0 Thessal! laughs richl!, shaking theglorious steel4wool. /&t#s hard till !ou get the hang of it.$hat did !ou sa! !our name was lo%e'0/ar!0 & sa!.

(ri DIthA week since it happened and & am on the inside, one ofthem, caught in the same web. & can feel it. The!#ll talk tome soon and & am frightened. & go to the hospitalapprehensi%e and ner%ous. "am 9oodchild is worse. uchworse. He is in hell, !ou can see it, possessed b! darkness

and terror, moaning and muttering to himself. His skin is


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white and paper!, not like skin at all. He is turning intosomething else. $e are all afraid./He needs to talk about it0 sa!s Thessal!. /Talk to someonewho is not in%ol%ed. $ho will not ?udge him.0/He should be in a ental Hospital0 sa!s (lora./He#s in a ental Hospital am.0/a!be he should talk to !ou ar!'0 (lora has taken aliking to me./"he#d hand him o%er to the 8olice am.0/+ut & am the 8olice Thessal!.0/That#s true0 she sa!s. /& keep forgetting.0

& rack m! brains7 /How about fetching a 8riest' &f he needsto confess something'0

Thessal! considers7 /&t isn#t a confession e@actl!, it#s moreof an e@planation he needs to make. And for a 8riest itwould be like e@plaining to a lamb how to make mint4sauce.0

This sounds ominous. /$hat does the 2octor sa!0 & ask at

last./The!#re still waiting for the Consultant to see thes!mptoms. That#s wh! the!#re not gi%ing "am an! drugs.0As if to illustrate this "am suddenl! gi%es a long sobbingshout of outrage and despair. $e all ?ump in terror./& can#t stand this0 Thessal! starts to cr!7 /&f d known itwould be like this d ne%er ha%e done it30& keep m! %oice calm7 /2one what Thessal!'0

"he looks at me disgraced and terrified like a child, andshakes her head, whimpering. /-o0 she moans, />ou#re the8olice aren#t !ou'0

"ickened, & ring (owldes7 /The!#re going to talk.0/$ho are'0/The famil!.0

/That#s m! girl3 & knew !ou could do it.0/+ut it#s not what !ou think.0


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/-o'0/& mean it#s not against the "tate in an! wa!.0/How do !ou know "later'0/& ?ust know.0He clears his throat. He is controlling himself./2o !ou still want me to continue'08ause. He is thinking. 0&s the pass working alright'0 he asksat last./>es "ir, but the! keep calling me Officer and & feeluncomfortable about it.0/The &2 card does not identif! !ou as a 8olice Officer "later,

that would be fraudulent. &t onl! gi%es !our name andphoto. +ut it is not unusual for the public to be confusedabout our rank. >ou#d better pla! it b! ear. >ou might needto wield the might! arm of the law one da!. An!thing else'0/>es "ir. & need help with the Consultant 8s!chiatrist. Heonl! talks to relati%es.0/Oka! ll see what & can do. And "later 4 /

/>es "ir'0/$atch the booe.0/>es "ir.0

"at Dthanage to get Thessal! alone in the hospital cafJ7 /& ?ustwanted to make sure e%er!thing was alright. About thearrangements0 & sa!.

/Oh !es0, she#s e@hausted. /$e#%e got a lot of friendsround here. The arrangements went off alright0 she iscr!ing. /& feel so desolate, so alone3 & ne%er realised F ne%erthought it would end like this F 0& put m! arm round her and gi%e her a tissue./& feel like that too0 & sa!."he blows her nose and looks at me7 /&t#s odd. >ou#re like

famil!. &f & could talk to !ou F 0


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& take her hand7 /& told (owldes & saw him hitching4hiking onthe "outhbound carriagewa! of the 6.0/2oes he belie%e !ou'0/8robabl! not. +ut there#s nothing he can do about it. mon !our side Thessal!. How could !ou think & would bean!thing else'0 Tears fill m! e!es as m! mind tracks backto the ca%e . . ./$ill !ou see "am'0 she asks. />ou look like F someoneelse !ou see. He might talk to !ou.0"he#s terrified. Like a little girl. & sa! & will do what & can, andsuggest we go up to see Christ! her father, who has left

&ntensi%e Care.His e!es brighten up when he sees me./This is ar! "later 2a,0 sa!s Thessal!. /2oesn#t she looklike someone else'0

"un D6thAll night tossing and turning, thinking of old Christ! and his

nephew "am. Christ! returning to this world, "amretreating to a pri%ate region of terrors. $hat ha%e the!done, these naught! old people' $hat ha%e the! been upto' & don#t know what the horror is that li%es behind theire!es but it co4habits with lo%e. This reassures me and atlast & go to sleep. Then & ha%e m! dream about the bab! girl& lea%e behind, and wake up cr!ing.

on D)th=isit Christ! first toda! and find him clear4e!ed, cheerfuland alone7 /m going to a con%alescent home. The Copse.0His blue e!es sparkle. /The! sa! m getting better. &thought & was a gonner !ou know, on the other side. $hen &saw !our face at the window during the storm & thought !ouwere someone else.0

/On the other side'0


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/That#s right,0 he twinkles. /"he#s %er! like !ou, !ou see. Orwas.0/>our sister' Or !our granddaughter'0/Ah3 The!#%e been talking to !ou ha%e the!, the women'

Telling !ou all about it'0/& don#t think the! know all about it, do the! Christ!'0 Helowers his e!es discreetl!. /+ut & think !ou do, don#t !ou'0He has long lashes which he (LTT5". /$ill !ou tell meabout it' Can & %isit !ou at The Copse'0He winks at me />ou bet30And & gi%e him a kiss. & can#t help it, he#s a charmer. At D.

$hich makes it e%en worse when & go to see his nephew"am. $ho is sitting with his back to the room staring at thewall. His wife Thessal! and her mother are seated on eachside of the bed. (lora#s relentless perfume *uietl!dominates the smell of disinfectant./He doesn#t want to see us0 sa!s Thessal! hopelessl!, /sohe pretends we aren#t here.0

Tues DthA terrible thing has happened. The hospital rang to sa! that"am 9oodchild escaped from his room in the night andmade his wa! to the kitchens where he stole a car%ingknife. Then he found Christ!#s pri%ate room and tried to killhim. The night nurse heard Christ! cr! out and "am wasdisarmed and led awa!. $hat is happening' & am

HO55&(&2. & ring (owldes to tell him %e had enough7/m not a 8olicewoman, m a trained librarian3 & ha%e notgot the necessar! e@perience for dealing with this kind ofthing, and m gi%ing in m! notice30/+ut !ou#re the onl! person who knows what#s going on upthere0 (owldes is floundering . .

To m! horror & am beginning to sob helplessl!7 /& 2O-#T

know what is going on "ir, and e%en if & did, & don#t ha%e the


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proper training to cope with it. & am afraid. & don#t knowwhat#s going to happen [email protected]/"later do !ou belie%e !ou are in danger'0/-o "ir.0 That thought has not entered m! head./Then what are !ou afraid of'0/& am afraid of what & might hear. Of what the! ha%e beenup to.0&t sounds pathetic./$h!' &f it doesn#t threaten !ou personall!'0/+ecause there is more to it than meets the e!e. And min%ol%ed in some wa! "ir. m part of it. . 0

/+ut that#s not possible is it' >ou#%e been working inLondon as a research librarian for se%en !ears, andstumbled across this stor! while looking for The +un2iamond. How could !ou be part of it'0& want to sa! +ecause & am responsible for what happened.And & seem to be a clone of two other people. +oth of themdead.

/& tell !ou what0 sa!s (owldes, /Ha%e an earl! night andsleep on it. And if in the morning !ou still feel !ou can#tcope, ?ust gi%e me a ring and ll take !ou off the case.Alright'0He#s right. & am a wimp. /Alright "ir . . 0/The thing is "later . . . 0Here we go. />es "ir' . . 0/>ou reall! A5 the onl! one who can do it. & hate to admit

it, but m rel!ing on !ou. & need !our help. & don#t know if!ou realise how sensiti%e this is. & sa! it#s of gra%enational importance.0/>es "ir. & do realise. m sorr! to be so pathetic.0/>ou are a %er! unusual person "later. $ith remarkablegifts. $hich is wh! & %alue !ou so highl!.0/>es "ir.0 & hang up and sit daed, staring into space,

wondering wh! this man has such a handle on m! soul.


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After a modest sherr! & go to see Christ! in hospital. He#smo%ing to The Copse tomorrow so it was "am#s last chanceto attack him. He is %er! weak, white and shaken, but grinsruefull!7/He onl! ?ust got to me in time.0

This seems to pro%e that "am is not as daft as he looks,and & feel distinctl! uneas! going up to the 8s!chiatric nit.+ut "ister Lewis tells me he is hea%il! sedated and needs torest. Thank 9od. & don#t know what !ou sa! to homicidalmaniacs. & ask for an appointment with the Consultant then,gi%ing (owldes as a reference.

Am beginning to realise & look to (owldes for support. Thisis not appropriate. He is a bad4tempered, callous bull!, and& do not want to ha%e ambiguous feelings about him.(eelings of an! kind in fact. He must be 1 !ears older thanme and is probabl! a bigamist, a closet drunk and a wife4beater. $ho wears a red sweater to wash his top4of4the4

range +$ on "unda! mornings, inside his pri%ate high4securit! electricall!4controlled protected residencepatrolled b! guard4dogs and armed e@48olicemen.

& wait for Thessal! in the cafJ./2o !ou know what all this is about'0"he looks 25A2(L. /Oh it goes back a long wa! ar!.+efore "am was born e%en. 2a is the onl! one who knows,

and & can#t be sure he#ll tell !ou. &t is between him and "am!ou see. A lot went on in these old rural communities onisolated farms in the old da!s.0/Consanguinit!'0/$ell that#s one word for it0 sa!s Thessal!. /+ut all & cansa! is, take a long spoon.0

(ri G1

st


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Ha%e two da!s off to bu! a sheepskin ?acket and walk on"ell! Hill, breathing deepl!. These naught! old people aregetting under m! skin. ust sta! compos mentis. "o %ebeen ha%ing the odd glass of sherr!. (or me health !erhonour. And because a bo@ of it was deli%ered to the doorwith m! name on it. (rom a local wine merchant. &ssomeone tr!ing to bribe me' 2elicious thought. & shallaccept the bribe and refuse to let it influence m! decision.

Christ! now settled in The Copse looking wickedl!comfortable. $hat an old rascal that is. ust ha%e been a

shocker once. & took him a present7/&t#s a dirt! book Christ!. "auc! ladies.0He turned the pages. /&t is too. And aren#t the! though3Looks like a House & went to in (rance during the war. Lookat that one. 9ot no knickers on b! the look of it. Looks tiredpoor soul. & like the wa! he#s done it though. & like the wa!he#s painted them. Carr!ing on. Like he was watching from

the side somehow. The!#re sort of sidewa!s. $hat#s hisname' (oreigner is he'0/Henri de Toulouse Lautrec0 & said./He#s a cle%er man0 said Christ!./He &" a cle%er man Christ!. 8eople of his breeding areoften cle%er.0/Oh0 said Christ!. /$ell bred is he'0/&nbred0 & said. /His parents were cousins.0

Christ! looked at me. Then he closed his e!es, threw backhis head and sighed like a gambler throwing in his hand7/Alright0 he said. /& like !ou. & don#t mind talking to !ou. &fthere#s a reason.0/The reason is "am. He#d be better off dead than where heis now.0

There were tears in old Christ!#s e!es. /That bo! is %er!

precious to me. Alright. Come back tomorrow and ll tell


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!ou what & can. +ut don#t wear me out mind. m onl! ?ustback from the gra%e.0/>ou wicked old bugger0 & said.

"at 1st -o%& took the photographs with me. Christ! gasped with painand stared. /Har%est "upper 1BDD. Christ! and ar! Laud0he read. /That#s m! mother#s writing ar!. "he was in suchpain, she could hardl! sit up to write. And there#s me. Andm! little sister. There#s m! ar!. $here#d !ou get thesegirl'0

/The! were in the attic at "eel!spring (arm Christ!. msta!ing there !ou know.0/Of course !ou are0 he said softl!. /"leeping in the atticbedroom are !ou'0& nodded. & couldn#t speak./Of course !ou are0 he repeated. /That was our room.$here we slept. e and ar! slept there together.

-owhere else !ou see in those da!s. Our parents had thefront bedroom and m! three brothers the back. There wasnowhere else. .0 his %oice disappeared./There#s some more pictures here Christ! if !ou want tolook at them . . 0He turned his old e!es to me sightlessl!7 /Lea%e them heregirl for a bit. 2o !ou mind' d forgotten, !ou see. &t brings itall back.0

Tears flooded his cheeks. & could sa! nothing. & put the bo@of photos on his bed and left. $hat right had & to do this tohim'

+ut on the wa! out & remembered "am tearing at hishospital gown, moaning to himself, and dro%e to the8s!chiatric nit.

/Can & see r 9oodchild' & belie%e he has a pri%ate room.0/Are !ou famil!'0


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/-o, but the famil! has asked me to %isit. >ou can checkwith his wife. And also with 2etecti%e Chief "uperintendent(owldes of "cotland >ard. ! name is "later. ar! "later.0/Lea%e it with me0 said the nurse, /and ll see what & cando.0Oh 9od make it alright. "how me what to do. Help me to doit right.

CHRISTYS STORYShe must have been two when she was sent up to sleepwith me. Middle of the night it was. I woke to hea m!

mothe s"eaming and moaning with pain and doosbanging# and m! fathe ushed in with this little thing in hisams and plonked he in m! bed. $eve taken mu"h noti"eof he befoe. I was afaid of "ushing he she was so tin!.She opened he mouth to s"eam and %athe said& '(e agood gil and Chist! will look afte !ou. )ive he a "uddleChist!# shes fightened.* +ittle bo!s dont alwa!s want to

"uddle thei bab! sistes# but I was so s"aed of hes"eaming that I put m! ams ound he and held he tightto shut he up. She was like a small bid# sweet and wamand helpless# with a little fluff of hai like a "est. The onl!lu,u! I eve had was holding m! bab! siste.In the moning I emembe %athe sa!ing she must be agood gil and not "! and help Mothe eve! wa! she "ouldbe"ause Mothe was not well. -nd little Ma!s fa"e was

white and fightened but she neve did "!. She neve saida wod. She totted behind Mothe eve!whee she went#t!ing to help# swinging on the pump handle to fill thebu"ket in the !ad# and standing on a "hai to fill the"oppe fo the weekl! wash. I used to help he when I gotba"k fom s"hool# feeding the "hi"kens# "olle"ting eggs#gatheing fiewood fom the "opse at the ba"k whee the

well is. Seen the old well have !ou /hen she got oldeshed bla"k0lead the gate in the moning and have the fie


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lit and beakfast ead! b! the time we got in fom milking.%ive of us thee wee to feed& m! thee bothes and %atheand m!self. Mothe neve ate mu"h. -nd Ma! and mewed go up on the hill to get the "ows in when I got homefom s"hool. It was so still up thee1 sometimes it seemedto hum with silent powe.She was su"h a fagile little thing Ma!. +ike a thead. -ndhe head was full of deams and delights. She alwa!s saidthee was anothe "ount! up thee on the hill# the2anishing +and she "alled it be"ause it onl! appeaed atsunset. Shed ga3e at the golden islands and shining seas

as if she was bleeding fom within. -nd wed hold handsand sing 4uietl! 'Salvation# salvation# a golden land soadiant and "alm.* I dont think we knew what Salvationmeant# we 5ust liked the wod. O 'M! soul thee is a"ount! fa be!ond the stas.* /e got the wods fom thes"hool h!mnbook and made up tunes fo them. She heldm! hand wheeve we went. She was unpote"ted against

life. He tin! soul was too ae. It was like we lived in adiffeent wold fom the est of them. /e wee both so sh!!ou see. Teified I think. Mothe used to sa! wed been leftb! the faiies. /e wee unde some sot of spell that "ut usoff fom eve!thing. On"e Ma! said the sunset was wheewe went when we wee asleep. -nd when wee dead Isaid. -nd she asked if wed be togethe when we died and Isaid Of "ouse. So she said what would happen if one died

fist# and I said the one who died fist would wait fo theothe. -nd at that moment a "ulew "ied# and Ma! said'The "ulew shall be ou witness.* The soul is bound b! apomise# did !ou know that Ma! (ound fo life. -nd fodeath ma!be./e wee so 4uiet and deli"ate and sh!. In a sot of da3e.+ike !oung animals. You "an see fom the photo. +ight

bown hai and blue e!es 5ust like !ous. /e seemed to bepisones of something. /e meant no ham Ma!. /e neve


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meant to ham an!one. /e didnt know what we weedoing.

on GrdAm tape4recording Christ!. He can#t talk for %er! long, andas his %oice gets fainter & turn up the %olume. "am#s drugsare working and he seems *uieter, more peaceful. $ishthe!#d gi%e me some. (lora his mother4in4law has takeno%er the %isiting to gi%e her daughter a break. %er! da! anew outfit, it#s *uite a statement at )6. 2oes she know herhusband cries when he looks at photos of his sister' &s that

wh! she wears the outfits' (lora is so %aliant, a little girldressed for a part!. $ho is ne%er in%ited. "he#s in denial.5efusing to know. $hich means no4one else is allowed to.Ah, but the! do, don#t the!' Thessal! knows something andso does "am. And he#s round the bend. Hmm3(owldes is awa! so am unsuper%ised and sherr!ful. Hewould ne%er belie%e all this. & don#t blame him for being

suspicious after what happened, but if he trusted me &might be more open. Complicit! has turned to mutualdistrust in two short weeks. $h! does he reall! want me uphere' "uspicion alwa!s haunts the guilt! mind.

CHRISTY 6Ive 5ust been looking at this one of the ploughing0mat"h.That was m! big bothe 7oe with old 7a"ob the Suffolk

8un"h. %ine hose but old. The "la! was teible Ma!# bokethe hoses ba"ks. M! fathe used to sa! )od used a"on"ete0mi,e when he made ou land. It was no good thatland. It took the five of us to wok it# but we neve got the"ops off it to suppot us. /hat the! "all a povet! tap./e used to be so tied wed "ome home fom the fields andgo to sleep ove ou tea. -nd Ma! would be ioning and

sewing and mending ou "lothes well into the night. Ialwa!s made he stud! he s"hool wok though. It was the


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onl! wa! out as I saw it. She was good at s"hool. /e bothwee. I wanted to go fo a ta"to dive staight foms"hool and stud! 9ngineeing at the Institute# but %athewouldnt have it. I had the kna"k !ou see. I "ould makethings go. Me"hani"al things. -nd ta"tos wee the "omingthing. (ut he "ouldnt see that. He said I was needed on thefam and that was that. Ma! too. She was ve! bight. Ihelped he with he spelling and sums# and made he eadin bed to me at night. -nd she was doing the wok of thetop "lass when she was onl! eight. The! wanted he to dothe Count! S"holaship and go to /allbe"k )amma# but

%athe said what with Mothe bedidden he pla"e was athome.

%oste was ve! upset about it. He was he tea"he !ousee. Mine as well fo a few months. -nd thee was no Open:nivesit! in those da!s. $o television# no adio even. Ouentetainment was fishing o shooting abbits. Still we had

some good times up on the hill afte milking on summeevenings# with the setting sun and the "ulews. /e found aflint aowhead one evening. %om the Stone -ge. I toldMa! the Stone -ge people had migated fom 9uope ovethe sea. -nd she got it into he head that this Stone -getibe lived in the 2anishing +and and had sent he theaowhead as a token. She was onl! five o si, I suppose#but she neve fogot it.

CHRISTY ;Hees the Sunda! S"hool Outing look.


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the! "ould do fo he. +ife was had in those da!s gil.Mothe did nothing but wok and s"imp and suffe# and I"ould see Ma! going the same wa!. I was ang! aboutthat. -nd as soon as she left s"hool at thiteen to look aftehe# Mothe died. Still its an ill wind. I think those da!swee the happiest of ou lives. /e had time to ouselves!ou see. To go fishing. On a Sunda! we used to go down toSton! Rive at the bend whee the tout ises and ma!besta! till milking. Ma! looked fo gemstones in the ivewhile I fished. /e sat thee fo hous on end withoutspeaking. /e wee so "lose it hut us to be apat. /e

thought the same !ou see. Had the same thoughts at thesame time. It neve o""ued to us we might be doingwong. (abies "ome when !oue maied dont the! /ewee inno"ent Ma!. /e lived in the )aden of 9den.

CHRISTY >Im so! to be like this gil ? pass me a tissue will !ou 0 I

didnt want !ou to find me like this. I was looking at thephoto of he wedding and it bought it all ba"k. I wasntthee !ou see# I was in /ales. She tied to go out b! theba"k doo Ma!# tied to take he own life. So! gil# Imso!@ Ive neve talked about it befoe !ou see. $eve toldan!one. I "ouldnt. It had to be hushed up.-nd Id got eve!thing aanged if onl! shed waited# kepthe head. Id got a 5ob as a tainee ta"to0dive in /ales

and I was going to send fo he as soon as Id foundsomewhee to live. /e "ould have bought up the bab! asou own. Sam. $o0one would have known we weentmaied. (ut when I told he I was leaving that night shepani"ked 0 and afte I left she tied that. I neve saw heagain. :ntil he funeal eighteen !eas late.Im so! gil I think !oud bette go now. Im a bit upset.

Aont tell an!one. $o0one knows about it. It was a long timeago. Sam knows. I had to tell Sam. $o0one else.


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And all the wa! home in the car his words toll in m! head7/"am knows. & had to tell "am.0 And m! heart is poundingwith fear.

(ri )thAwful morning. 5e%olting pool of smell! water under down4pipe outside back door. +locked drains. 8oke at it withtoasting fork to no a%ail. "hall ha%e to get a man. Thenpostman brings letter from "olicitor in "urre! sa!ing Aunt+essie has died. Am appalled. -o4one told me she was ill. &twas a routine operation to remo%e a c!st and she ne%er

came round. "he was )G. The! had no address to contactme for the funeral. 2on#t know what to do. And she#s leftme all her propert!, a huge place in 5ichmond where &spent half m! childhood. Am stunned. "he was so cle%erand funn!. ! onl! li%ing relati%e. And there#s no4one & cantalk to here. ! first idea is to go back to London, butthere#s nothing & can do there either. At least she didn#t

suffer. 2idn#t e%en know about it. & walk down to the %illageto clear m! head.

eet (oster 9oodchild, the Ancient of 2a!s, in the %illage.Tell him about down4pipe and he sa!s that alwa!s happensin winter and would & like him to look at it. He walks back upthe hill with me to the farm. He sa!s this was the wa!!oung Christ! Laud and his little sister ar! came to school

in the thirties. And then Christ!#s daughter and (oster#sdaughter4in4law, Thessal!, brought her own little ar!down here thirt! !ears later. Thessal! was teaching in theschool b! then and (oster was Headmaster.

%OST9RS STORYRound hee in the thities thei lives wee had. You "ould

see the "hildens fa"es at moning egiste& hung!#ge!ish# tied out fom the moning milking. The! alwa!s


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had soes and "oughs and unn! noses. -nd thei "lotheswee thin and poo# sewn in fo the winte man! of them1the smell b! -pil was appalling. The geat unwashed. Youdont hea that phase nowada!s# but the! would hang onto !ou Ma!. In the pla!gound !ou would wade though a"linging tide of lost smell! humanit!. The mothes wokedda! and night to keep the "hilden "lean# but the! all hadto wok on the fam# and most of them "ouldnt ead owite themselves. Ma!s mothe was an edu"ated womanfo he da!# but she was bedidden poo soul# d!ing of"an"e# and thee was no teatment fo it but laudanum.

Thee was nothing she "ould do to help he "hilden# eventhough the! wee well above aveage. Young Chist! wasve! bight# and Miss (etts used to sa! Ma! should go to:nivesit!. 8eople didnt even know what that meant. (utshe had to leave at thiteen like the est of them. I was soang!# I "ame up to the fam to talk to he fathe the weekshe left s"hool. (ut it was Monda! moning and she was all

alone doing the weekl! wash# so I left without seeingan!one.

"at th=er! sad about Aunt +essie. (eel *uite lost. 2on#t knowwhat to do. And her house is far too big for me, & shall ha%eto sell it.+ump into (lora in the 8ost Office. Christ!#s back in hospital

with his heart. Oh dear that#s probabl! m! fault. +ut he 2&2want to talk. "he sa!s he#s had se%eral heart4attacks in thepast F (lora has spent man! months b! his bedside. Thefirst bout was on the e%e of their daughter Thessal!#swedding which meant that the! couldn#t go. (lora is %er!$elsh about it she /had no idea he was o%erworking tothat [email protected] Then Christ! was in a coma for si@ months

after Thessal!#s bab! was born in 1BB. Hmm3 (lora hasasked me to tea.


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%+OR-S STORYChist! was so "haming !ou wouldnt believe it Ma!.Handsome of "ouse# fai and vulneable# but somethingelse. /ounded almost. He had pain in his e!es ? a bit like%ank Sinata# those hut blue e!es ? and I fell fo him andthats the tuth. Hook# line and sinke. -nd he was so sh!Ma!# had no "onfiden"e in himself at all. So I took himunde m! wing. Took him to the pub# took him home to tea#and he sta!ed with us until he found lodgings. (e"ause Iwanted to ma! him fom the fist. I knew I "ould make

something of him# make him a su""ess. (e"ause he was29RY C+929R was Chist!. Oh !es# he "ould do an!thingwith a ma"hine Ma!.(ut thee was something wong with him. He seemed to bed!ing of something almost# some gief. Sometimes when Iwas with him hed 5ust go awa!# be somewhee else. Id sa!'/hat is it love* (ut hed disappeaed into a bla"k pit and

"ouldnt talk about it. Some taged!. -fte a while I stoppedasking be"ause it made him ang!. He neve talked abouthis famil! so I assumed it was something to do with them.He neve saw them. It was onl! when his little siste Ma!died that I met an! of them. -t the funeal. -nd his nephewSam of "ouse.

Su"h moods Chist! had ? none of m! famil! "ould

undestand it. /ed alwa!s been so "lose at home# toldea"h othe eve!thing# and !ou have a good laugh o agood "! and !ou feel bette dont !ou (ut Chist! neve"ied. $eve laughed mu"h to begin with eithe. In fa"t Idont think his famil! eve used to go out and en5o!themselves the wa! we did. Ao !ou know Ma!# that manhad neve been to the pi"tues in his life@ /hen I told

Chist! he looked like +eslie Howad he thought I wastalking about the milkman@ (ut he soon "hanged when I


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got hold of him. (e"ause hes a ve! witt! fellowundeneath. Aown The Red Aagon afte a few bees hebe"ame the life and soul@ He had the gift of the gab !ousee and thats the tuth. $eve afaid of had wok mind.He woked had. /e both did. Auing the wa he tained asan am! me"hani" and then aftewads stated up on hisown as a "onta"to on his demob pa!. He went intota"tion and eath0moving ma"hine! in a big wa!. It was ahuge gamble# no0one else was doing it# but Chist! sawthee would be a lot of demolition wok afte the blit3.)ovenment "onta"ts. Swansea was a mess. -nd eve!one

wanted to mend oads and build houses. It eall! took offMa!. $o0one had seen an!thing like those geat ma"hines1he had to tea"h people to wok them# me in"luded. Ive hadto move a digge moe than on"e in an emegen"!. So b!the time Thessal! went to boading s"hool we had a bighouse in the "ount! with all the timmings.

(ut thats all wate unde the bidge now Ma!. -fteChist! "ame out of his "oma in


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//ust be the truth.0 ;uite. >ou#%e been at the sherr!again.0/m rather sad "ir. ! Aunt +essie died. And & missed thefuneral.0/m so sorr! "later. That#s %er! bad. $ere !ou close'0/"he was m! onl! relati%e. "he half brought me up "ir. Andshe#s left me all her propert!. m a wealth! woman now itseems.0/9ood 9racious, & congratulate !ou "later. 2oes this mean!ou no longer need to work'0/-ot for the mone! "ir.0

/Then it#s for lo%e "later' @cellent3 & like to know m! staffare well4moti%ated.0

&n the afternoon Thessal! and & go together to see "am, forwe are both scared. He is hea%il! sedated and drug soddenbut still asks if & will %isit him. $ho does he think & am'2oes he know he attacked Christ!' Thessal! is clearl!

terrified he#ll break out and do it again7/He thinks it#s all 2a#s fault !ou see.0 "he looks at medespairingl!7 /&f onl! he#d talk about it. He likes !ou. a!be!ou can help him'0! stomach turns o%er in fright, but & sa! & will do what &can. And & suggest we %isit her father in the meantime.Howe%er Thessal! has an appointment with "am#sConsultant, so & go alone.

Christ! is pink with other people#s blood,:%ampirism on the-H"


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/$h! did he ha%e to be told Christ!'0 & can hardl! speak.His e!es are still shut and his %oice is faint, but not withdoubt7/&t was so that The 8lan could go forward.0& gasp. & hear "am#s long sob of grief and outrage and cr!out7 /Could !ou not ha%e let him be'0Christ! turns his blue innocent gae on me7/He was li%ing a lie ar!. $e all were. Thessal! and littlear! too. -othing can be built on a lie. -othing that lasts.0+ut & am lethal7 /&t didn#t look so lasting in the ca%e thatnight30

Christ! sits up in bed7 /Like she sa!s it#s onl! ?ustbeginning. There#s a lot !ou don#t know !et girl. And if!ou#re going to pla! !our part there#s a lot !ou#%e got tolearn. About !ourself as well as others.0& ?ump up astounded. /8LA> > 8A5T'0 & shout. /& ha%e nopart to pla!3 &t has nothing to 2O with me3 m onl! tr!ingto help !ou all30

He is amused and s!mpathetic. /Ha%en#t !ou understood!et girl' >ou#re the third ar!. The 8lan can#t go forwardwithout !ou.0And all at once m sobbing and Christ! is holding m! hand7/&t#s alright, we all go through this. >ou#ll be gi%en thestrength to do it. To see it through.0/+ut & 2O-#T $A-T TO 2O &T30 & !ell. /And & ha%e -O&-T-T&O- of seeing it through. & don#t e%en know what The

8lan is3 m going home30And & flee weeping to m! car.

& dri%e blinded b! rage and panic. & am going back toLondon.After a while & find m!self in a (orestr! Commission clearingand park. &t is getting dark. & take a torch and stride

furiousl! into the forest, m! heart pounding, m! mindwhirling. How did & get m!self into this' Keeping to the


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track & walk and walk until & can see nothing, and sit downon a log. Owls are hooting in pairs o%er m! head. &t is %er!*uiet, and there is a sweet odour of pine needles. -othinghappens. Then it starts to rain hea%il!. & get drenched goingback to the car.Arri%ed at the farm & find Thessal! parked in the dri%e. "helooks at me curiousl! but does not comment on m! soddenclothes. A famil! with secrets learns discretion.+ut she has news for me7/&t seems !our boss has a high opinion of !ou ar!. He#s

been talking to the Consultant that#s looking after "am, and!ou#re to be gi%en what help !ou need to inter%iew him ifthe! think he#s up to it. The thing is, "am will not talk to thestaff at the hospital the!#re all e@4colleagues and he feelsuncomfortable. +ut he will talk to !ou. >ou look like hismother !ou see, as well as our daughter ar! who died.And (owldes wants !ou to do it. He told the Consultant !ou

can see round corners. Though he sa!s !ou don#t alwa!stell him what !ou see.0

-o% 11thp on the hill there is a m!sterious deep humming sound.Like bees. &t is still and %aporous with dripping branchesand the smell of wet. ! wellies make tracks in the grassand m! clothes are soaked with mist. A curlew calls. Then

another. m falling in lo%e with this place.2own in the copse all is calm now. The hea%! well4co%erstill lies in the grass, charred b! the lightning, and thestone structure is demolished. & lean up against an ancienthael, coppiced o%er generations into gnomish deformit!,and watch a blackbird burrow franticall! into the deadlea%es and hurl them aside in fren!.

And suddenl! & know it will be alright.


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p in the attic & lie on the bed to follow the antics of m!blue4?acketed, red4hatted friends. This is a good place forme. The moments glide b! and settle to rest. & am at homehere. &t is alright. & can sta!.

$eds 1Dth(oster arri%es with a piece of chicken4wire for the drains.

Together we tackle the smell! water and unblock thewaste4pipe. Then we sit on the bench to listen to a robinand gae at the mist on the hill.

0This garden used to be lo%el! in "am and Thessal!#s time0he sa!s. /And when the Laud famil! were here the! li%edoff the kitchen garden. The! kept hens round the backhere, and rabbits.0

%OST9R 6This is the ba"k0!ad# s"ene of m! downfall# whee I fist

fell I love with little Ma! +aud# though I didnt know it atthe time. I was twent!0five and she was thiteen and had5ust left s"hool. Hee is the old pump see# and this is wheethe! kept the mangle. )oing in though the s"ulle! !oullsee whee the "oppe used to be befoe Thessal! went info all that :tilit! Room stuff. -nd though the kit"hen intothe palou# and then though the font doo# !ou "an get aview staight though thee open doos into the ba"k0!ad.

/hi"h is what I did that da! when I "ame up to have a wodwith M +aud about his daughtes edu"ation. I stood heeat the open font doo fo ove two hous and wat"hed thatlittle mite do the famil! wash all on he own# while the menwee out in the fields and he mothe was ill in bedupstais. Ma! was so engossed she neve even saw me.She was a funn! little thing# small fo he age# like a little

bown bid. She had he hai tied up in a handke"hief osomething so that it flapped on he head like a "est. She


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seemed to be doing battle. Id taught he fo five !eas andknew he ve! well b! then# o so I thought# but that wasthe fist time I head he sing o "! o swea. I didnt knowhe at all. In "lass she was alwa!s silent and ve! sh!.(e"ause she was natuall! gifted at s"hoolwok it neve"hallenged he the wa! this did# this washing. -nd she hada will like $apoleon@ S"alded she was# and "!ing andsweating and nea fainting with the heat and e,haustion#and sweaing like toope@ It made me blush. Id led aathe shelteed life !ou see# bought up b! m!gandpaents when m! paents died in India. (ut that was

the fist time I got an insight into the emotional life of Ma!+aud. She was violent. It fightened me and e,"ited me.Then the men "ame in fo thei dinne and she wasstuggling with the potatoes# so I de"ided not to "ompli"atehe life even futhe and left without seeing an!one.

Thurs 1Gth

8hone call from (owldes7 /The bo! +- has not been seensighted since the night of the storm "later, and it seemsthe onl! witness other than !ourself ma! be related to him."he#s called (lora Laud. 2o !ou know her'0/"he#s the wife of the old gentleman who was in?ured b!the well that night "ir.0/And is there an! famil! connection with +un'0/That is what m tr!ing to find out "ir.0

/>ou mean it could be possible'0/Consanguinit! runs high in rural areas "ir.0/+ecause if her e%idence pro%es unsafe we onl! ha%e !oursto fall back on. And if !ou were mistaken in !ouridentification . . 0/The storm $A" at its height "ir . . 0/ . . . then it ma! be the bo! is not ali%e at all. He was

supposed to be ill after all.0& consider this7 /Ha%e there been an! more incidents "ir'0


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/Authenticit! !ou mean' -ot of the %iolent turbulent sort.+ut . .0 he clears his throat, /there ha%e been otheroccurrences.0& long to be back in the office. /Oh do tell "ir30He is embarrassed7 /$ell, what !ou might call miracles &suppose.0 This makes him cross. /+ut what & meant was, ifthe bo! cannot be traced then it#s e%en possible we ma!ha%e a murder en*uir! on our hands. &n which case !ourreports would ha%e ramifications. "o if !ou#re tr!ing toprotect someone "later, in !our reports . . 0& gasp. /8rotect someone "ir'0

/%e made en*uiries at 9oodchild#s pre%ious ni%ersit! inAmerica and it seems he was *uite a lad. $ent through theni%ersit! wi%es like a knife through butter. "o 4 watch !ourstep.0& find m trembling. /He#s a little old for me "ir. He#s si@t!4one. And he#s not %er! well at the moment.0/He ma! be long in the tooth "later, but not short on

e@perience. And his beha%iour is ambi%alent to sa! theleast. He would still be our chief suspect !ou know, in thee%ent of a murder en*uir!. "o be careful.0 He rings off.

There#s a funn! fluttering in m! heart that & can#t identif!and it unsettles me. $hat is it' Can it be that (owldes is

?ealous'

(ri 1Ith

The Consultant phones to sa! "am wants to see me./&n m! opinion he#s well enough to talk about what#sbothering him Officer, but do be careful.0& sa! r 9oodchild will be free to disclose what he wishes7 itwon#t go an! further./$ell that#s the point Officer. & understand from !our boss itmight be a 8olice matter. &n which case it would HA= to go

further.0


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/$ould !ou be happier if there was a solicitor present "ir'&n case r 9oodchild sa!s something incriminating orpre?udicial'0/Oh & don#t think that would help him unburden himself do!ou' -o & don#t know what to suggest. The patient clearl!needs to talk to relie%e his mind, and the onl! person hewill talk to happens to be in the 8olice.0 He ga%e a shortbarking laugh that sounded miffed./a!be it is +CA" & am in the 8olice "ir'0/>ou mean he wants to turn himself in'0/He did gi%e himself up after all. 8eople do walk into 8olice

stations confessing to murders !ou know . . 0/$ho are deluded' >es %e heard about that. &n which caseit would go no further . . '0/+ut & reall! wanted to ask if !ou consider he#s still %iolent"ir. After that knife attack on his fa F on his uncle.0/>ou heard about that did !ou' "trange wasn#t it' +ut he#swell4sedated now and %e assured !our boss there#ll alwa!s

be a nurse around to keep an e!e on !ou. & think !ou#ll be*uite safe Officer.0+ut & am worried. -ot of being knifed, but of what & mighthear. The thing & am afraid of is coming closer and & dreadtalking to "am.

S-MS STORY

Ive alwa!s known what was going on in people Ma!. I seeit. Thei fea and thei helplessness. /e ae like "hilden#we do ou best but ou sphee of influen"e is limited. /eae poweless. M! mothe tied to kill us both when I was inthe womb. I knew it. -nd late when she fed me at hebeast# m! fa"e was wet with teas. I dank salt milk. I la!thee helpless# knowing I was the "ause. I believe man!

babies know these things but late the! foget them. I donot foget. It was m! "oming that podu"ed this despai.


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/hat do !ou do about that You ae guilt! at bith. -ll !ou"an do is t! to make things bette1 t! to put things ight.(ut the! didnt )O ight Ma!. The! went /RO$).9ve!thing I did was like a swod that twisted in m! handsto make things wose. I wanted to be the man on themasthead& the "hevalie sans peu et sans epo"he whowould "lea up the mess and sot things out. I was notafaid Ma!. I have neve been afaid of the dak# thedeadful# the disgusting fa"e of man. I was pepaed to dobattle with the dak. (ut instead I was TRICD9A. Ti"kedinto evil# "oupt# vi"ious a"ts. -nd all I longed fo was love#

to love someone intimate and tusting and unafaid to loveme ba"k. I knew I would e"ognise he when I saw he. -ndI did@ Oh I did Ma!@ -nd it was inno"ent. /e meant noham. /e wee so "lose !ou see. I wanted it to be a popemaiage# not like m! paents who neve spoke. -t homethee was a kind of law of "alm. (ut it wasnt "alm Ma!@:ndeneath was gief and teo and despai# and I "ould

S99 it. I "ould %99+ it. Ive neve tusted sufa"e "alm. Iwat"hed m! fathe at s"hool ? %oste was m! tea"he ? andwondeed wh! I was so diffeent. He was good# alwa!spatient with me# but thee was a gulf between us. /e weediffeent spe"ies. I was alone.

"at 1th& pick up (oster at Old "chool Cottage to take him to %isit

"am.&n the hall hangs a faded photograph of in a printedcotton dress, with softl! wa%ed hair held back under a largesummer hat. & look %ulnerable, wistful and bewitched,caught up in a dream of sacrifice and longing. Title7 /ar!Laud, "unda! "chool Outing 1BG).0 & feel sick and m! heartstarts to thump badl!. (oster notices this and smiles7

/>ou see how alike !ou are' "he was se%enteen then. lltell !ou all about her on the wa! to the hospital.0


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%OST9R ;Thee was something about m! Ma! that boke !ou heat.She awoke some longing that she "ouldnt satisf!. I nevegot "lose to he# she wouldnt let me. She wasnt "old oindiffeent# 5ust neve thee. -s if she had a se"et life thatfed he at night# like those pin"esses in fai! tales that aebound b! a spell. I almost didnt want he to tell me in "aseshe tuned into something else# something I "ouldnt love.That was wong of me. +ooking at Sam now I wonde if I"ouldnt have tied hade with Ma!. (ut I did get he

unning the Sunda! S"hool afte he mothe died# and thepai of us oganised the Outing that !ea on Sell! Hill# thegames and spots and pi"ni" tea. Id been woied abouthe fo a while# as she had been moe than usuall! an,iousand withdawn. (ut at the same time she was developinginto a lovel! bu,om !oung woman# soft and gentle anddesiable# and on the Outing she seemed to eall! let go

and en5o! heself.

-fte eve!one had gone home and the sun was slanting onthe hill# we two wee left to "lea eve!thing awa! and pi"kup the ubbish. I felt a stange thobbing hum up thee# likean engine a""umulating powe.I had kissed ve! few women befoe that da! Ma!# and itkno"ked me sidewa!s. I didnt know what was happening.

M! heat was banging and I "ouldnt beathe. I thought Idbeen ele"to"uted# su"h a stong "uent was flowingthough me. It was like downing. -nd Ma! was as bad. /e"lung to ea"h othe like shipwe"ked sailos. -nd that wasme done fo. I neve got ove it. I held he hand as wewalked down to the fam# and I was floating withhappiness. I knew I had found m! wife.


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/hen we got ba"k Chist! was waiting fo he at the fam#looking athe stange and e,"ited. He had somethingimpotant to tell he. So I left# e,pe"ting to see he atChu"h ne,t moning.(ut she neve "ame. She was l!ing un"ons"ious in thes"hool toilets with an ovedose of he mothes laudanuminside he. -nd Chist! had left fo /ales# to be a ta"to0dive. The! managed to pull he though at the hospital#but she neve full! e"oveed he wits. She was sowithdawn# she fightened me./hen the Ao"to told me she was pegnant I hit the oof. I

wanted to hosewhip the man. (ut Ma! efused to tell mewho it was# and in the end she ageed to ma! me on the"ondition that I neve asked.It upset he too mu"h to talk about it.S-M 6She didnt want to be hee Ma!. She "ouldnt live withoutChist!. %oste told me about the sui"ide bid# and on"e I

was bon she didnt t! that again# but she had lost the willto live. It is had fo a "hild to know the! ae not suffi"ient#but it was Chist! she wanted. He own mothe had had"an"e !ou know# so it was not entiel! une,pe"ted. -ndbe"ause it was a bain tumou# pehaps it was easie fohe. I have to think that. It is intoleable to see a lovel!!oung woman egess to slobbeing infan"! befoe !oue!es. -nd when that woman is !ou mothe . . .

%oste and I shaed the nusing between us. I knew thenhow mu"h he loved he. - nuse "ame in twi"e dail! befoethe end. -t fist it onl! affe"ted he mind# so that she"ouldnt do things fo heself. (ut in"easingl! he bod!be"ame paal!sed. It took eighteen months# and at last itwent to he lungs. She didnt even know she "ouldntbeathe Ma!. One night I gave he a ? a lage dose of the

medi"ine the Ao"to had left fo he. I wish I "ould havedone it !eas ealie# it would have spaed he so mu"h


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pain. She had no life. I still wonde if she knew we loved heand wee looking afte he.

-t he funeal I met ':n"le* Chist! fo the fist time. Ididnt like him. He was shift! and bittle and displa"ed. (uthe had a daughte. I saw he a"oss m! mothes gave#and knew she was the one fo me# that she would be m!wife. He e!es wee full of laughte Ma!# Id neve seenthat befoe. M! "ousin Thessal!. She was /elsh !ou know.The! seemed to know how to live# how to en5o!themselves. -nd she made me +-:)H@ 9ven though I was

beeaved. It was a new e,peien"e fo me. I was nineteenthen and she must have been seventeen.

9oing home & fortuitousl! bump into Thessal! and in%ite herto tea7/And !ou can tell me what happened when !ou first met"am.0

/Oh & see, True 5omance is it'0 she sa!s gail!. /OK. ll dom! best.0

&t is true that Thessal! has some inner bounce that makesher a mo%ing target for realit!. +ut & sense that this hard4core ?ollit! has been bought at a price. And realit! is a cruelprice to pa!.

TH9SS-+Y 6/ell now# it was at his mothes funeal. Id seen him in"hu"h of "ouse duing the sevi"e and I thought he was ?well# lets 5ust sa! I liked the look of him Ma!. He wasweaing a dak suit of "ouse# and Sam alwa!s looks goodin dak "olous ? got the tempeament fo it. (ut when I

fist met his e!es in the "hu"h!ad ? a"oss his mothesgave it was# isnt that awful 0 m! legs neal! gave wa!.


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He was M-)$9TIC. I was onl! seventeen !ou know# and inthose da!s we wee ve! pote"ted# and Id neve seenan!thing like Sam )ood"hild in m! life@ Outside thepi"tues. Ao !ou know who he eminded me ofMO$T)OM9RY C+I%T@ He was so mood! and e,"iting. -ndhis e!es wee blue !ou know. /ell the! still ae I suppose.-n!wa! afte tea we all went up the hill 0 all the "ousins!ou know# be"ause the men wanted to talk aboutma"hine!. -nd Sam and I lagged behind# and it was soSTI++ up thee ? it seemed to be humming with invisiblepowe ? that we sat down to have a little est.

/ell to be 4uite honest Ma! I dont know what happened#be"ause the ne,t I knew it was half0past0five and we weesitting thee holding hands# as do3! as two "ows with themeasles. /e both felt ve! H9-2Y somehow as if we hadtaken oot. /e "ouldnt speak# eve!thing seemed to havestopped and it was ve! 4uiet. The "ousins had gone. 9ven

the bids had stopped singing. 9ventuall! Sam got up andpulled me to m! feet without sa!ing an!thing 0 we "ouldnteven look at ea"h othe the feeling was so stong 0 and wewalked down the hill to the village hand0in0hand like two"hilden on a Sunda! S"hool Outing. /ell blow me Ma!@/hen we got to the "a pak thee was Aa waiting fo uslooking as if the bottom had dopped out of the ta"tomaket@ He was %:RIO:S@ He kno"ked Sam down and

shouted& 'If !ou eve "ome nea m! daughte again Ill kill!ou@* Then he got hold of me ? I was teified# Id neveseen him like this ? and !elled in m! fa"e& 'I want !ouneve to see that !oung man again@* Then he thew me inthe "a and we all dove ba"k to /ales. I looked ound and I"ould see Sam still l!ing in the dust whee Aa had stu"khim. He wasnt moving. (ut then he looked up and I saw a

look in his fa"e that fo3e m! blood.I knew then that we wee in fo it.


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That Sam would neve foget.*

Thurs DEth/-ice cake ar!. & didn#t know !ou could cook.0/&t#s a bribe (oster. & want !ou to tell me about "am. $hathe was like as a child.05ain slid down the windows while (oster stared into the firemaking little popping noises with his pipe. He smoked. &waited. At last he said7 /$hat do !ou want me to sa!ar!'0/$ell let me put it this wa! (oster. >ou weren#t his natural

father but !ou were his teacher. >ou must ha%e made somesort of assessment of him o%er the !ears.0(oster glared at the glowing logs and said nothing./& mean was he normal' $as he an a%erage happ!4go4luck!little bo! like the others'0/-o0 said (oster /he wasn#t0 and stuffed his pipe back inhis mouth.

&t was e@asperating. /"o what was wrong with him (oster'$hat did he do that was different'0(oster cleared his throat. /$ell, he liked to be clean.0/& suppose that &" unusual for small bo!s0 & said, /buthardl! a sign of abnormalit!.0/>ou don#t understand ar!. "am needed to be clean allthe time. He couldn#t bear dirt.0/Oh30 the penn! dropped. />ou mean he washed his hands

a lot'0/>es0 said (oster. /A lot.0&t was like drawing teeth7 />ou mean often'0/"e%eral times an hour0 he said. /And his clothes. And histo!s. He wrapped his books in pol!thene so he could wipethem. And when he#d wiped them he had to wash his handsagain.0

/That must ha%e made things trick! at school'0/>es0 said (oster.


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& thought he#d clammed up again but then he looked at me*uietl!7 /&t was as if he felt dirt!. Contaminated. Andcouldn#t get clean. &t made life trick!. speciall! as hismother was d!ing of cancer.0He sighed and rose stiffl! to knock his pipe out in the grate7/%er!thing changed when he met Thessal!. &t was as if aswitch had been tripped. &t opened up some channel in him.An abilit! to plan, to make things happen. A strateg! forwinning. & felt there was a focus in his life for the first time.0

As (oster loaded the tra! with our cups his hands shook

wildl!, and a *uiet %oice in m! head murmured gentl! /Thisman is afraid.0

(ri D1st&t is 5A&-&-9 F seriousl!, meaningfull!, with intent to wash,sluice, rinse and cleanse the world. Lea%es bounce underthe onslaught, tin! birds hide under the hedges, and

spiders# webs miraculousl! sur%i%e the downpour, collectingmonstrous ropes of cr!stal, huge globes of refreshmentagainst a rain! da!.& like this tired old workada! house where generations offarmers ha%e groaned with relief to pull off their boots andsit b! the fire. &t smells of work. $hen we arri%ed &remember e%en (owldes sa!ing7 /This is a nice place. dlike to retire to a place like this "later.0

"o he#s not all bad.+ut then he telephones to update me7 /m putting out+un#s description nationwide "later7 /A%erage height. "limbuild. Long brown hair. $alks with a slight limp. $earing afaded gre! parka with !ellow stripe.0 And an artist#simpression. Trouble is the! all look like esus Christ. >ouknow, long wa%! hair and a bit wet.0

/Oh no, not wet30 & blurt out. /He didn#t look wet. -ot atall.0


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Too late & bite m! lip./OH'0 crows (owldes %ictoriousl!. /& thought !ou#d ne%erseen him "later30/-one of the e!e4witnesses report him as looking wet "ir.0/And in the past tense "later. 2idn#t look wet. As if he wasdead.0/All the reported sightings are in the past "ir.0 ! heart islurching wildl!. /And in the ones & read he did ha%e longbrown hair and he didn#t look wet.0/@cept presumabl! that night when !ou saw him hitchingin the blinding rain0 sa!s (owldes scathingl!.

! mouth is dr!. & cannot speak./An!wa! %e re%ealed the fact that due to his unusuall!strong magnetic field he cannot be photographed. "o ifan!one finds a person answering this description the!should take his picture. &f the e@posure de%elops and printscorrectl! it cannot be him. That should weed out theloonies.0

/>es "ir.0/Oh, and "later, !our handwriting is terrible, & can#t read!our reports. Couldn#t !ou find a t!pewriter or somethingsomewhere'0/ll tr! "ir.0At least he doesn#t suspect me of deliberatel! obfuscating.

& ask Thessal! about a t!pewriter and she thinks there is an

old computer of "am#s up in the attic somewhere that & canuse."o up in the roof4space again, and F there is "am#s oldcomputer, but better still more photographs7 Thessal! nowaged thirteen with her parents outside their big house withpon!, tennis4court, swimming4pool, the lot. Then morepictures of her growing up surrounded b! friends, large

sports4cars and horses. (lora gets plumper and more e@oticin each photo and Christ! gets worse. &n the last one he


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looks terrible7 strained and an@ious with a bright smile anda garish tie, holding a large cigar and a glass of whiske!.2ate 1B. The !ear of his sister ar!#s death.

%+OR- 6Moe pi"tues Oh let me see. I didnt know Thessal! hadall these. Those wee the da!s Ma! ? the )ood Times. /ewoked fo it mind. In those ten !eas afte the wa wemade a fotune ? !ou had to take a isk see -nd then woklike bugge!. 9ven Thessal! used to help& sending out mail0shots# sti"king on stamps.

I alwa!s tied to do the donke!0wok so Chist! felt fee toget about a bit# talk to people and go to the big shows. Hewas a wondeful salesman Ma!. He loved those geatma"hines !ou see# and he was so enthusiasti"# it was"ontagious. -nd people liked him. 9ve!one knew Chist!+aud. He had the gift of the gab Ma!# he was a "hame.So I alwa!s kept the poblems and woies to m!self. I

knew how to handle mone! !ou see# and I laun"hed Chist!like a geat su""essful ship all glitteing and ga! while I wasthe engine "hugging awa! undeneath that kept it afloat.He neve knew. Still doesnt. (e"ause I dont look like awokhose do I 9ven when we wee ve! had up he neveknew how bad it was# be"ause I alwa!s liked a bit of st!le.(ut I wonde if I should have told him a bit moe. It mighthave done him good to fa"e up to things. He might not

have dunk so mu"h afte his siste died and Thessal! gotmaied. (e"ause it was the dink made him ill of "ouse.-ll those heat0atta"ks and then the si,0month "oma. I dowonde.Ma! be !ou "an do too mu"h fo the man !ou love

CHRISTY >

I sent he out fo the papes gil# so I "ould have a wodwith !ou. These photos ? poo %loa didnt know what was


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going on. I "ouldnt tell he what was happening Ma!# itwas the pomise I made to m! siste on Sell! Hill when wewee "hilden& '/hoeve dies fist will wait fo the othe.*-nd then the "ulew "ied ? a stange "! like a lost soul#have !ou head it ? and she said 'The "ulew shall be ouwitness.* -nd I neve thought an! moe about it# she wasso full of fan"ies. (ut afte she died# thee she was. 9ve!da!. /aiting fo me. She didnt mean to upset o wo!me# but she "ouldnt help heself. The soul is bound b! apomise !ou see. (ound b! love. So when I "ame down inthe moning she was waiting in the hall. -nd when I went to

wok# thee she was in the "a. -nd at night shed wait fo%loa to go to sleep so she "ould hold me in he ams. Itwas a nightmae. +iving with two women# onl! one wasdead. -nd I still loved he of "ouse.Then at he funeal meeting Sam fo the fist time# who wasthe image of me onl! sto"kie and dak# and seeing him"ome down the hill hand0in0hand with Thessal! ? well I

"a"ked up Ma!. Thee was no0one I "ould talk to about it.M! elationship with %loa was based on m! being he bigsu""ess sto!# I "ouldnt suddenl! tun ound and sa! 'Ohb! the wa!# I fogot to mention that Ive been in love withm! siste all these !eas# and we had a "hild who nowappeas to have designs on his own siste ? ou daughteThessal!@* -nd Sam was so H9++0(9$T somehow. Heseemed to have an obsessive steak in him that teified

me. He fightened me so mu"h that I hit him.I shouldnt have done that. He neve fogave me.

"un DGrdAm using "am#s old computer out of the roof4space.8rinting one page at a time as & go along, suddenl! itdecides not to print what %e written. & see an ob%ious

mistake in the te@t, and as soon as & correct that it printsperfectl!. &f it doesn#t like what m writing, +83 and it#s


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gone, lea%ing me shaken and humiliated. "o & ha%e torethink it, cut half a page ma!be, and then, if it appro%es, itwill work again. &t appears to be editing me. And gi%ing mea ner%ous breakdown. Thessal! sa!s "am wrote all hisbooks on it. And she e%en wrote something herself, someresearch into local histor!7/+ut it won#t print an!thing it disappro%es of. &t wipes it. &tknows what it#s doing though "am sold a lot of books.0& feel better then.+ut & want to talk to her about Christ!7/Thessal!, did !our father ne%er go back home to see his

sister'0"he looks at me and shakes her head, opens her mouth tosa! something, then closes it again, too distressed tospeak. & gi%e her a cup of tea and we sit b! the fire drinkingin silence. At last & sa!7/2id !ou ne%er suspect something was wrong'0/& was a child ar!. $hat could & know'0

/+ut when !our father met "am . . '0"he takes out a hank! to blow her nose, then sa!s huskil!7/The! hated each other.0& shuffle the tea4things and pour another cup7/& can see "am would be anno!ed at being hit. +ut wh! did!our father hate H&'0/He#d warned him off ar!, and "am had paid no heed. &twas a red rag to a bull. ! father should ha%e had more

sense. The!#re too alike & suppose. And 2a continued towarn me off for !ears. &t was too late of course, becausewe#d alread! been up the hill together b! then. "o we hadno choice.0/$hat are !ou talking about Thessal!'0"he looks at me *uiicall!. />ou ha%en#t been up the hillwith an!one !et ha%e !ou'0

/-o. Onl! (owldes when the manhunt was on. +ut he is m!boss.0


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/That#s alright then0 sa!s Thessal!. +ut her e!es aredancing.

S-M ;I had to tell Thessal! he fathe was unbalan"ed Ma!. Imean he was witing lettes to he& 'Thee ae things aboutSam )ood"hild !ou do not know m! daling# and unde the"i"umstan"es I think it best !ou do not meet again.* Thatsot of thing.It had a "uious effe"t on me. It opened up some "hannel#some abilit! I didnt know was thee. - deep long0tem

stateg! fo winning. -lmost un"ons"iousl! I was pepaingit# planning to make Thessal! mine# to take he ove# toband he so she would neve belong to Chist! again. Ididnt think about it# I 5ust did it. -nd though I had nevehad anothe woman in m! life# I knew e,a"tl! what to do#how to "eate he# tansfom he# emake he so that hesoul belonged to me. I neve spoke about Chist! to he#

5ust hinted that the lettes poved he was distubed andmight be heading fo a beakdown# something like that.-nd as I was stud!ing 8s!"hotheap! I suppose m! wods"aied some weight. I was at the Tavisto"k Clini" in +ondonthen# and Thessal! was doing -t at )oldsmiths College#taining to be a tea"he. /e didnt live togethe but sawea"h othe most evenings. I went slowl!. I wanted he totust me# so I waited si, months befoe making love to he.

I knew that when it "ame to the "un"h she must be ead!to def! he fathe and go with me. /hi"h meant makinghe pegnant at the ight moment. -fte wed gaduated of"ouse.She was happ! with me Ma!. Id alwa!s known men "ouldmake women beautiful if the! loved them popel!# and Ipoved it with Thessal!. She was adiant.

%+OR- ;


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How ae !ou getting on up hee It used to be so lovel!when the! fist did it up. Thee was no plumbing oele"ti"it! when the! bought it# so we gave them that as awedding pesent. /ell !ou "ant bing up a bab! withouthot0wate and "ental0heating "an !ou I said to Chist!&'/e would have spent the mone! on a big wedding fo he#but she didnt want that. So lets give them a ni"e homeinstead. +asts longe doesnt it* -nd poo old Chist!wasnt well enough to ague. He was still in hospital thefist few months afte the wedding# and Thessal! and Ide"oated the atti" as a nuse!. I "hose the pape m!self.

+ittle abbits. Sweet isnt it (ut I dont believe Chist! evesaw it. $ot stong enough to tavel !ou see. Thessal!alwa!s said it was be"ause he didnt get on with Sam# but I"ouldnt see that. I mean Sam had a good 5ob atta"hed tothe 8s!"hiati" :nit at /allbe"k )eneal. /hat a "leveman that is Ma!@ Su"h a lot of books hes witten. Sold welltoo. $o# I "ould neve see it. /ho "ould ob5e"t to Sam

Tues DthLured back to the roof4space where & find a portrait of "ambefore his marriage. &t is startling, disturbing the e!es amagnetic blue but hea%! with something hidden anddoleful. The! ha%e been e@posed to things the! should notha%e seen. -o anger or bitterness in them, but sour, darkknowledge.

And !es3 An old attachJ case filled with t!pewrittenmanuscript. &t must be Thessal!#s research into localhistor!. /The Children of the Hill0 b! Thessal! 9oodchild. &take the little case downstairs b! the fire and start to read.


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5opyright =. &. /ard !-11. B=

Salvator Mundi Book One

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Transcript of Salvator Mundi Book One