Dr. V.Veera Balaji Kumar BHMS., M Sc., M Phil (psychology)

INTER PERSONAL SKILLS Interpersonal skills is how

people relate to one another.

IPR is used often in business contexts to refer to the measure of a person's ability to operate within business organizations through social communication and interactions.

DEFINITION

The mental and communicative algorithms applied during social communications and interactions in order to reach certain effects or results.

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Interpersonal Skills

listening

conflict handling

using feedback

questioning

Speaking

ESSENTIAL IP COMPETENCIES

Self awareness Control Motivation Acknowledging the interests of

friends/co-workers Communication skills

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Self Awareness

That which allows us to stand apart and examine even the way we ‘see’ ourselves – our self-concept.

It affects not only our attitudes and behaviours, but also how we see other people.

Who am I ?

Know yourselfOur MIND contains many individual selves,• each with its own way of perceiving the world, • each with its own personal history, physical characteristics, emotional and physical reactions, and opinions on how we should run our lives

When do you introduce yourself ?

When you• Meet a person for the first time.• Go for an Interview•Want to make new friends• First day at college• First day at work• Want to start a new conversation with a person

Image & Self-Projection

Your Parents

We are shaped, consciously or unconsciously by the upbringing of our Parents.

Your Parents

Our Parents have gone through difficult times to make us what we are.

Your Parents

They suffer silently. Do not expect return in money

My Family

Our families have emerged after trial and tribulations of various types – financial, psychological or physical.

-- ThirukkuralThe best Original source on Inter-personal skills

DEVELOPING IP Skills

Developing Assertiveness Accepting Responsibility Managing Conflicts

Avoiding Accommodating Competing/Forcing Collaborating Compromising

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Factors Hampering Interpersonal Interactions

Poor Listening Emotional Arousal Lack of Time Differences in Attitude/

Values/beliefs

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Steps Toward Changing Behavior

Steps Toward Changing Behavior

1. Unconscious Incompetence

1. Unconscious Incompetence

2. Conscience Incompetence2. Conscience Incompetence

3. Conscience Competence3. Conscience Competence

4. Unconscious Competence4. Unconscious Competence

BEHAVIORBEHAVIORBEHAVIORBEHAVIOR

The New YOU!The New YOU!The New YOU!The New YOU!

Eric Berne and Transactional Analysis

Transactional Analysis A unified system of individual

and social psychiatry Focuses on the individual but

also one’s relationship to others

A model for explaining why and how:People think like they doPeople act like they doPeople interact/communicate with others

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Eric Berne and Transactional Analysis

Transactional Analysis People have three ego states: parent,

adult, child

Parent: when a person thinks, feels & behaves in ways copied from his/her parents

Child: thinking, feeling, behaving as one did as a child

Adult: thoughts, feelings, or behaviors that are a direct result of current happenings

Key point: people shift in & out of these states

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Eric Berne and Transactional Analysis

Transactional Analysis – further development Parent & child ego states subdivided

Parent state: controlling or nurturing

Child state: free child (FC) or adapted child (AC)

• AC – a person conforms & adapts to demands of others

FC – a person acts & feels like an uninhibited & impulsive child

Adult state: focus on current self – problem solving

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Ego Portraits

People have favorite, preferred ego state, depicted by larger circle in a diagramParent Adult Child

P

A

C

P

A

C

P

A

C

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BASIC HUMAN EGO STATES(PERSONALITY STATES)

THREE BASIC

EGO STATES

FURTHER BREAKDOWN OF EGO STATES

P(PARENT)

A(ADULT)

C(CHILD)

CRITICAL PARENT

NURTURING PARENT

ADULT

ADAPTED CHILD

NATURAL CHILD

LECTURING, CRITICIZING, MANY “OUGHTS”, “SHOULD” &”DON’TS”

CONSOLING, “TAKING CARE” OF OTHERS, SYMPATHY

OBJECTIVE, RATIONAL, ORIENTED TOWARD PROBLEM SOLVING, DE-EMPHASIZE EMOTION

MODIFIED BEHAVIOUR TO CONFORM TO ADULT EXPECTATIONS, MANUPULATIVE, SUMBISSIVE

PLAYFUL, IMPULSIVE, NATULRALLY CURIOUS &CREATIVE, FUN LOVING, REBELLIOUS

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TYPICAL WAYS OF EXPRESSING EGO STATES ON THE JOB

CRITICAL PARENT

NURTURING PARENT

ADULT

“CAN’T YOU TURN IN A REPORT ON TIME JUST ONCE?”“YOU SHOULD CLEAN UP YOUR DESK ONCE IN A WHILE!”“I’M SURPRISED AT YOU… THIS PRODUCT SHOULD HAVE BEEN COMPLETED A MONTH AGO.”

“I’M ONLY TRYING TO HELP YOU”

“LET ME CLEAN UP THAT DESK FOR YOU, MR. SMITH”

“YOU’VE DONE A SWELL JOB, TOM.”

ADAPTED CHILD

NATURAL CHILD

“WHAT ARE THE ALTERNATIVES?”

“CAN’T WE REACH SOME SORT OF COMPROMISE?”

“WHAT CONSEQUENCES WILL THIS ACTION HAVE?”

“ANYTHING YOU SAY, SIR!”

“SORRY, I’LL TRY TO IMPROVE.”

“WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PICK ON ME… THE OTHERS WERE IN ON THIS TOO!”

“LET ME SEE HOW THIS GADGET WORKS.”

“WONDER WHAT HAPPENS IF WE DO IT THIS WAY?”

“LET’S KNOCK OFF FOR TODAY! WHO WANTS TO WORK ON A FRIDAY AFTERNOON ANYWAY?”

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Types of Transactions

Complementary Transactions: Appropriate and Expected Transactions indicating healthy human relationships.

Communication takes place when transactions are complementary. A stimulus invites a response; this response becomes a stimulus inviting further response and so on.

Complementary transaction between supervisor & employee

Supervisor EmployeeP

CA

P

CA

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Eric Berne and Transactional Analysis

Transactional Analysis occurs when the ego states of 2 people interacting is assessed

Complimentary interaction: one person in a nurturing parent ego

state

other person in their adaptive child ego state

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Eric Berne and Transactional Analysis

Transactional Analysis occurs when the ego states of 2 people interacting is assessed, cont’d.

Crossed transaction: A leader in the adult ego state deals with A subordinate who responds from their free

child ego state with somewhat negative, rejecting input from the leader

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Transactional Analysis Types (II)

Crossed transaction

Supervisor EmployeeP

C

A

P

C

A

Crossed Transaction: This causes most difficulties in social situations.

“May be, you should improve your study habits”.“You always find fault with me whatever I do” Parent-Child interaction.

Ulterior Transactions

Occur when the words seem to be coming from one ego state, but in reality the words or behaviors are coming from another Sometimes when people don’t know what

they want or how to ask for it in a direct way, they resort to ulterior transactions

Best to avoid ulterior transactions because they tend to waste time

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Transactional Analysis Types (III)

Ulterior transaction

Supervisor Employee

Supervisor Employee

P

CA

P

CA

P

CA

P

CA

(T.A.) Strokes

Strokes are the recognition one person gives another

These begin in infancy as hugs

Later in life become more verbal/abstract

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STROKINGTHE TYPES OF STROKES YOU SEEK DEPEND ON YOUR OKAYNESS

PRAISE

COMPLEMENTS

RECOGNITION

AFFECTION

REWARDS

SYMPATHY

CONSOLATION

SELF-SATISFACTION FROM JOB WELL

DONE

PUT-DOWNS

CRITICISM

DEGRADING

RIDICULE

SCOLDING

PUNISHMENT

DISCOUNTING

POSITIVE STROKES

NEGATIVESTROKES

CONDITIONAL STROKES

STROKES WITH ULTERIOR MOTIVES

STROKES GIVEN FOR WHAT YOU DO,

RATHER THAN FOR WHAT YOU ARE:

(1) PERFORMANCE ORIENTED STROKES

(2) ACCOMODATION & CONFORMITY ORIENTED STROKES

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Life Positions

I’m OK — I’m OK —You’re not OK You’re OK

I’m not OK — I’m not OK —You’re not OK You’re OK

Attit

ude

towa

rd O

nese

lf

Attitude toward Others

Negative Positive

Positive

Negative

TA Life Positions

I’m not OK, you’re OK

‘I wish I could do it as well as you do’

ME

YOU• CHILD-TO-ADULT EGO STATE ACTIVATED.

• FEELINGS OF INFERIORITY; • HERO WORSHIP; • LOOKING FOR PARENT

SUBSTITUTES. • SEEKS DOMINANCE FROM

OTHERS.

TA Life Positions

I’m OK, you’re not OK

‘You’re not doing it right, let me show you’

ME

YOU• USUALLY CRITICAL PARENT EGO STATE ACTIVATED.

• MAY EVOLVE FROM HURT OR DISCOUNTED CHILD GIVING HIMSELF STROKES.

• FEELS DISTRUST, ANGER, SUPERIORITY.

TA Life Positions

I’m not OK, you’re not OK

‘This is terrible, we’ll never succeed’

ME

YOU• POOR MENTAL HEALTH• LACKS TRUST IN SELF &

OTHERS. • FEELINGS OF

HOPELESSNESS OFTEN • EXTREME DEPRESSION.

TA Life Positions

I’m OK, you’re OK

‘We’re making good progress here’

ME

YOU• THE “WINNER”,

HEALTHY, OPTIMISTIC, PROACTIVE

• WIN –WIN ATTITUDE• USUALLY ADULT-TO-

ADULT EGO STATE.• IDEAL LIFE

POSITION

Building Positive Relationship

Use of ‘I’ Focus on problem solving Don’t Deceive Empathy Listen

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Building Positive RelationshipUse of Praise

Be specific Praise progress Sincere Don’t overdo Timing

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Past ExperiencesPast Experiences

Ouch!

Ouch!Ouch!

Ouch!

Ouch!

Ouch!

Ouch!

Ouch! Ouch!

Dealing with Criticism

Understand the Reason behind Empathy Don’t personalize criticism Do not be Judgmental Do not overload

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Steps Involved

Planning Impersonal Relationship

Building Exchanging Task-Related

Information Persuasion Agreement

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Managing Conflict Styles

Assertivebehavior

Aggressivebehavior

Accommodatingstyle

Collaboratingstyle

Compromisingstyle

Avoidingstyle

Forcingstyle

Passivebehavior

High concernfor others’

needs

Low concernfor others’

needs

High concernfor ownneeds

I’mnot OK —You’re OK

I’m OK —You’re OK

I’mnot OK —

You’re not OKI’m OK —

You’re not OK

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Negotiation Tactics & Behavior

Location Time Buyer-Seller Relation Extreme Behavior Promises/Threats Using Silence

Tactful Conversations

T = Think before you speak

A = Apologize quickly when you blunder

C = Converse, don’t compete

T = Time your comments

F = Focus on behavior – not personality

U = Uncover hidden feelings

L = Listen to feedback