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How to Self-Promote

without Being a Jerk

Bruce Kasanoff

Published by Now Possible, which is located at the Westport Innovation Hub, 20 Ketchum Street, Westport, CT 06880. Our phone is (203) 341-9448. The ISBN number of this title is 978-1-941115-00-8. This book is copyright 2014 by Bruce Kasanoff. All rights reserved.

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If you genuinely try to help other people, this book is dedicated to you.

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Contents Introduction Be Generous Help This Person Introduce Others Serve, Dont Sell When Its Hard, Do More Give Away Good Ideas Promote Others Online Be Expert Do What You Do Best Start Small The Basics Matter Prove It Specialize Be Trustworthy Tell the Whole Truth Be Perfect Be There in Tough Times Use Levels of Substance Respect the Authenticity Condition Be Clear Have ONE Point Minimize the Trivial Use a Lot More Pictures Follow The Theory of Seven Get Feedback, and Use It Ask for 3 Criticisms Be Open-Minded Travel in New Circles Attack Your Blind Spots Make Bold Proposals

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Point/Counterpoint Admit It, Youre in Show Business Be Adaptable Change the Cover Rewrite, Rewrite, Rewrite Use Fear to Your Advantage Partner Think (a Bit) Like an Academic Keep Learning Be Persistent Dont Take No Answer as a No Exceed Promises Ask for Referrals Take Credit Be Present Really Listen Talk Less Change Your Perspective Be Ultra-Quiet Get in Front of People Credits About the Author

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Introduction Lets be clear: you are most definitely not a jerk.

This book is for people who are reluctant to blow their own horn.

This is almost certainly true of you; otherwise, you would have picked

up the book How to Hog the Limelight instead of this one.

First, some goods news: increasingly, the world favors people like

you. The rise of social media and 24/7 wireless services makes life far

more transparent than it was even a few years ago. Word spreads

faster. Social media is all about sharing the good stuff and warning

people about the bad.

If you are nasty or deceitful, others find out quickly. If you do

something wonderful, the same is true.

That having been said, there are more than seven billion people in

the world. You cant just go about your business and hope someone

notices you. Like it or not, you have to make it easy for others to

understand what you have to offer and what you aspire to accomplish.

That takes self-promotion, and this book explains how to do this

in a respectful, honest, and effective manner.

The basic idea is pretty simple: help others, and you will benefit,

too. Some call this approach enlightened self-interest. I call it basic

common sense. By acting this way, you will help create the type of

world in which you will enjoy working and living.

Ive structured this book around a single sentence, one I use every

day. It drives my consulting practice, my writing, and the way I lead

my life:

Be generous and expert, trustworthy and clear,

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open-minded and adaptable, persistent and present.

Generous means to help others long before and after you need their help.

Expert means to be extremely competent in one or more areas that others value. It also means that whenever you take on a task, you

do your best. Trustworthy means to take ownership of your words and

actions, and recognize that you live in a world in which they will

increasingly be recorded, remembered, analyzed, and replayed. Clear means to know what you want and be able to communicate

it effectively. Open-minded means no matter how knowledgeable or

successful you become, you never stop listening and learning. Adaptable means to keep your options open - so that when the

world surprises you, it wont be that surprising. Persistent means to keep trying, even when times are tough and

you are tempted to quit. Present means that although you should learn from the past and

be prepared for the future, you should pay close attention to the

present moment as it unfolds - otherwise, you will miss a great deal. This book is a collection of actionable tips, organized around these

eight elements. These tips will help you gain the right kind of

attention.

Just so you know, modest portions of this book have appeared in

my LinkedIn articles; I chose some of the passages that readers

seemed to find most helpful.

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If you like this book, I have two favors to ask. First, please write a

review at Amazon, because reviews play a huge role in helping other

people discover useful books. Second, please tell your friends and

colleagues about it. There is no bigger compliment you can give an

author than to recommend his or her work to others.

Bruce Kasanoff

Westport, CT

January 2014

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Be Generous

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Help this person

Every time you encounter another person, think: help this person. It's not altruistic. Nothing else can so quickly supercharge your career

and improve the quality of your life. And, yes, being genuinely helpful

is the most substantive self-promotion possible.

When you walk into Starbucks for a coffee, instead of being

frustrated that the barista who serves you isn't moving fast enough,

think help this person. See if you can make him smile. Better yet, tell him to keep the change.

When the phone rings on a busy day, don't get frustrated by the

interruption. Think help this person while you answer the phone. Doing so will change your demeanor, your thought process and the

entire interaction.

If you have a subordinate who isn't pulling her weight, instead of

criticizing her, every time you see her think help this person. Now, this doesn't mean let her slide or ignore her shortcomings. It means help

her either improve her skills or find a position better suited to her

strengths. But, don't just brush her aside; really help her.

But, wait a minute I know what some of you are thinking. What

about the people who take credit for other people's work? What about

the rich and powerful who have gotten that way by crushing others?

Doesn't their success prove me wrong?

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Not at all. Sure, there are some people who take the exact opposite

approach. But it takes real skill and focus to succeed by being evil,

and most of us just don't have the fortitude to pull it off. For those of

us with a soul and a heart, the only real choice is to succeed by

helping others.

By first thinking help this person, you will change the way that others perceive you. There is no faster or more effective way to

change your interactions and relationships. You will be viewed as a

positive, constructive, helpful, and dependable person. People will

think you are perceptive, attentive, and understanding.

That's why this way of thinking is not altruistic; it is selfish, in the

best sense of the word. The single best way to help yourself is to

always be looking for ways to help other people. Sure, you'll be

making the world a better place, and over the course of your life, you

will help many thousands of people. But don't do it because you ought

to or because it's the "right" thing to do.

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Introduce others

Until recently, I didnt know that Bill Gates might owe a big chunk

of his early success to his Mom. It turns out that Mary Gates sat on

the United Way board along with IBM CEO John Akers. Mary

suggested to Akers that IBM did not sufficiently appreciate some of

the smaller firms in the computer industry, and eventually, IBM

started taking proposals from such firms, among them a young

Microsoft.1

Mary Gates is an example of the best type of person you can

engage, which is someone who already has a valuable network of his

or her own. At the same time, you also want to help people who are

just starting out; what goes around comes around.

Think of yourself as a talent scout. Never stop watching for people

who might mesh in a good way with others whom you know.

Relationship experts will tell you that introducing others builds

your network. The more people you connect, the more those people

will talk about you, your work and interests, and how they can help

you.

But Id like to suggest that there is a far more compelling reason to

do this: you can make good things happen in the world around you,

and doing so will give more meaning to your life.

1 Brain Uzzi and Shannon Dunlap, How to Build Your Network, Harvard

Business Review, December 2005.

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Long ago, my wife Kate befriended a young engineer who, like her,

commuted on the train to Manhattan. When a good friend of Kates

expressed dismay with her sisters choice of boyfriends, Kate

immediately thought of the engineer. This wasnt chance; she had

listened closely to her friends stories about her sister, and she had

also paid attention to the engineers tales about his life and

aspirations.

Kate introduced them, and in return, the pair invited Kate to their

wedding. Years later, the couple are very happy together.

Malcolm Gladwell wrote that there are three types of people, and

one type is connectors. While I understand his theory, I refuse to

believe that connecting is the province of just part of the human race.

Whether you are outgoing or introverted, you are capable of

recognizing potential connections between different people that you

meet.

Consider these possibilities:

Who can help another person you know?

Who could use help from another?

Whose personalities or goals might mesh well?

Who lives or works close to each other?

Who is lonely?

Who needs a break from their kids, colleagues, or routine?

Make connections. Take the initiative. Bring people together. You

dont have to be there, take them out to dinner, or spend money

(although you could do any of these things, if you wish).

Just introduce good people to other good people.

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Serve, dont sell

The takers of the world want your money; their first inclination

is to sell you something anything so that you give them more

money.

Too often, selling means distorting the truth. In order to close a

deal, you have to shift the details in your favor:

YES! Sugar water is fun! It will make you happy! You will be

loved! Drink sugar water!

Heres a far better strategy: serve the best interests of people you

want to impress.

Doing this will require some common sense. It will require the

courage to stand up to takers, who are very good at deluding

themselves that what is best for them is also best for others.

To offer a simple example, do you know what is the most effective

and profitable way to attract new customers?

Advertising? No.

Sales calls? No.

Social media? No.

The best way to get new customers is through referrals. People

take a risk when they recommend you to their friends, and people

understand this. So, when your friend or colleague tells you how

much she liked dealing with a company, you tend to pay attention.

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Before a customer can give you a referral, you have to serve that

customer.

Serve first, and only then, sell. Most companies get this

backwards.

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When its hard, do more

The harder it is to help someone, the more it matters when you do

so.

There are plenty of people who will help someone in a superficial

manner. Its not hard to get someone to hold the door open for you

when you are carrying a package, or to recommend a restaurant when

you ask.

But when someone needs major assistance, so big that they cant

even put into words what they need, that is the time your help can

actually change the course of a life.

Its easy to be slightly or occasionally generous. Doing so does not

require much sacrifice. But its difficult to be generous in a

meaningful way. That requires canceling plans, going without things

that you want, and putting in extra effort when you dont have much

energy left.

In the days following Hurricane Sandy, two families in my town -

the Hofstetters and the Berneggers decided to rent a truck, collect

supplies from neighbors, and drive 50 miles south to the hardest hit

areas of Staten Island and New York City.

One of the families lived on a highly visible corner in town, and

they put out some signs asking for help. Heres what happened next,

according to a thank you note the families published in our local

paper.2

2 WestportNow, 8 November 2012.

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We parked the truck in the morning, and all of a sudden, the cars

started pulling in. People driving by began stopping and asking what

we needed and then went to shop for the items.

People brought goods from their homes. People brought money

and wrote checks. Young children even gave up their favorite

blankets, so someone could be warm

On Sunday, we had over 500 cars in our driveway. Many people

came by multiple times. One gentleman (We are sorry we dont know

your name.) came by four times. He said hed keep taking things

from his house, and if it got real cold, he might be cold, but that was

ok because his donations would help someone with a real problem.

His last time by, he donated his prize possession, his generator.

He packed it in a crate with a full can of fuel to power it and a stash of

energy-saving light bulbs to maximize its efficiency.

He should know that one of our drivers, Pete Matton, reported

that the generator is powering a shelter where 100 children are living

and sleeping with warmth and light because of him.

That is the definition of doing more when its hard to do more.

People who arent generous and dont make sacrifices for others,

dont understand such behaviors. They think that giving is a cost. Not

true. Giving is a benefit to the giver.

The more you give, the better you feel.

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Give away good ideas

The secret to success in social media is to give away valuable ideas

away for free. This concept terrifies some people, because they think

that if they give away all their best ideas, they will have nothing of

value to sell.

The truth is that you will have much more of value to sell, because

you will have more credibility, more contacts, and more people

interested in what you have to say.

If you dont believe me, ask Guy Kawasaki, Seth Godin, or anyone

who has built a viable, online media business over the past decade.

The more you give away, the more people want to buy from you.

Its crazy but true.

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Promote others online

The secret to social media is to help others. The more you support

others, the more credibility you will enjoy. This credibility will come

in handy when you most need it.

This an extremely difficult lesson to learn.

Go to a companys web site. Pick one at random. The odds are

overwhelming that 95 percent of the content there promotes their

own products and services.

Now, look at their Twitter, LinkedIn, or Facebook feeds. Youll

probably see a similar stream of self-promotion. After a short time,

such companies train readers to ignore what they say.

Countless consultants and authors make the same mistake. They

tweet incessantly about their new book or article. They blab about

that magazine that just wrote about them.

People do not go online to read ads.

The alternative is to always be on the lookout for valuable news

that others will find useful. In doing so, you can demonstrate your

mastery of certain subject areas. The quality of your reputation

becomes associated more with what you do and less with how much

you self-promote.

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As your following grows, your efforts to help others will carry

more weight. It wont be any harder to help others a tweet to 10,000

followers is no harder to send than one to 10 followers but your

impact will increase dramatically. As it does, people will show you

more gratitude and respect.

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Be Expert

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Do what you do best

Dont be mediocre.

If you need to get attention, the last thing you want to be is an

average voice saying unmemorable things.

To avoid this trap, you need to focus on what you do best. It

doesnt matter whether this is something big (leader of the free world)

or small (tying really good knots). What matters is that you have

expertise that certain other people value.

No matter how limited your abilities, if you keep chunking down

the question of what you do well, you will get satisfying answers.

My friend, David Garber, has ALS. He cant move his body or talk.

But he is still one of the smartest people I know, and he has a laser-

sharp wit. Since he lost the ability to use his body, hes acquired

another spectacular skill: the ability to inspire others with his

tenacious will to live.

I recently received an email from David, which he typed through

the use of an eye gaze interface. It was a long email, and it probably

took him a week to type it. He used adjectives and adverbs. He made

jokes.

Im used to flying through emails and have been known to miss a

few critical messages. But I have read Davids email many times.

David is awesome at inspiring me to be grateful for every moment I

spend on this planet.

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Whether your skill is drawing, carpentry, babysitting, listening,

proofreading, or knitting use it to reach out to others, and help

them. Theres simply no excuse for thinking that you cant do

anything well.

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Start small

Recently, I spoke with a guy who spent 15 years in Washington

(the state) building and running an outdoor rafting company. Mike

just moved to Connecticut, where he is now launching a new career as

a realtor.

Mike is trying to build his credibility online, and he has this

thought that he can combine his outdoor adventurer life with his new

tenacious realtor life. Its not a bad thought.

The problem is that Mike only has 25 Twitter followers, and his

realtor bio makes no sense, whatsoever. It sounds like he wants you to

kayak over a waterfall with him instead of trust him to sell your

house.

Mike and I discussed the small steps he needs to take before

enjoying the career success he seeks:

Make a list of 10 to 15 topics or phrases on which he wants to focus his online presence.

Use this list to determine what he should and should not tweet about.

Rewrite his bio so that his experience as an athlete and adventurer gives him more - not less - credibility as a

residential real estate broker (I helped him do this.).

Attend numerous local events so that he broadens his personal relationships and increases his odds of securing

listings.

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Hustle as much as he can to find deals, even if at first the best he can do is to refer prospects to brokers in other areas

(He has many contacts in popular vacation resorts.).

Prior to our conversation, Mike was spinning his wheels. He was

so eager to succeed in his new career that he skipped right past the

small building blocks that required his immediate attention.

Instead of wondering why you have 20 Twitter followers instead

of 200, make your own list of topics, and become a predictable source

of good information on a narrow list of topics. People who care about

these topics will eventually find you, even if progress at first seems a

bit slow.

Focus on quality and steady progress. Dont try to be an overnight

sensation. People who rush or clamor for success often end up failing

or embarrassing themselves. We underestimate how true this is,

because a very small number of such people end up making a big

splash.

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The basics matter

Imagine two people a year out of college; lets call them Jeremy

and Tony. Neither one has many business skills. They dont know how

to design, make, sell, or market products. They dont know how

successful companies operate and barely understand how their new

employers make money.

Jeremy understands how to communicate, and he takes pride in

everything that he does. When he writes an email home to his Dad, he

proofs it before hitting send. During his first months in the working

world, he took pains to study the format of his companys emails,

reports, and promotions. He learned never to make a claim without

citing facts to support that claim. He knows to use the fewest possible

words while still justifying his opinions.

Tony is academically smarter and more ambitious than Jeremy,

and he is eager to demonstrate just how bright he is. At every possible

moment, he speaks up in meetings and rushes off replies to the

hundreds of emails that cross his desk. People are impressed by his

raw intelligence, but he already has a reputation for being a bit of a

hothead. 75% of the time, his perspective is right, but 25% of the time,

he is dead wrong - and in a highly visible manner. His emails are

riddled with typos and missing words.

Did I mention that Tony is smarter than Jeremy? It wont matter.

In six months, Tony will be looking for a job, and Jeremy will be

enjoying his first promotion. Jeremy understands that he has to get

the basics right before he can aspire to higher achievements.

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Prove it

Dont claim to be visionary. Dont call yourself a thought leader.

These are ridiculous assertions that are nearly impossible to validate.

Only make claims you can prove.

You can claim that you doubled sales, but the claim will have

much greater impact if your CEO is willing to be quoted saying that

you doubled sales.

The more evidence you can cite, the better.

This does not just go for facts. It also applies to giving people the

impression that you are a substantive professional.

If you just started a business and hired your first employee, take a

picture of him or her, and post it online.

If you just moved into your first real office, take a picture, and

post it online.

If you have a solid management team, put their photos and bios

online.

Dont ask people you do not know to take your word. Prove it.

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Specialize

It is very hard to be known for nothing.

Im confident you will never see a tweet that says: John Doe is one

of the best generalists I know. Hire him.

If you want to get the right kind of attention, you need to be

known for something specific. This means you need to specialize.

This does not, however, mean you need to specialize in just one

thing, forever.

Twelve years ago, I wrote a book on personalization. Last year, I

co-authored one about the impact of disruptive innovation on

customer experience. They are very different subjects, but in both

cases, I worked hard to master each subject before writing the books.

People love it when others are easy to understand, so make it easy

for other people to understand what you are best at doing. I see plenty

of tweets that say something like: How to Take Your Pinterest

Engagement and Results to the Next Level. Thats specialization.

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Be Trustworthy

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Tell the whole truth

When it comes to gentle self-promotion, most people say too little

about what they have accomplished. This is a big mistake.

There are certain forums in which you have an obligation to tell

the whole truth. These include your resume, bio, and any business-

oriented social media profiles you maintain (e.g. your LinkedIn

profile).

By the way, if you dont have a bio, you should. It includes some of

the same information as your resume but should be written in a

narrative style. Imagine that you are giving a presentation; whoever

introduces you should be able to read your bio as your introduction,

and it should work perfectly.

In all of these forums, you need to be as specific as possible about

your accomplishments. Here are some examples:

Increased sales by 22% in my first year, by personally visiting customers instead of just calling them on the phone.

Developed a new process for screening resumes that shortened the time needed to hire a manager from 75 days to

42 days.

Won a Gold Award for Artistic Achievement from the Association of International Artists.

To qualify for dual majors in Biology and Sociology - in six consecutive semesters, I took five courses instead of the

normal four.

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To broaden my thinking and improve my writing, I read two books every week and wrote summaries that I posted on my

blog, CoolBookSummaries.com.

Notice that each of these statements is specific, factual, and clear.

Make it as easy as possible for others to grasp your accomplishments.

This isnt bragging; it is telling the whole truth.

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Be perfect

For many months, I have been dreading this tip. Including it in

my book is like challenging you to find typos in my work. Let me take

a deep breath and continue anyway

When promoting yourself, dont make mistakes. Dont misspell

words, include grammatical errors, or screw up the formatting of your

documents. All of these give a horrible impression to people who do

not know you.

It is HARD to be perfect. You cant do it alone. I find it nearly

impossible to proofread more than 500 words of my own writing,

which is why I hire proofreaders. For personal documents, I often ask

a member of my family to proof my work; then, I proof it myself.

An old boss of mine had a theory, which is that we dont know why

we form opinions about people, but we form them anyway. He meant

that most of our inputs are comprised of subtle clues: how the person

stands, the tone of their voice, whether they look you in the eye, how

they dress, etc. The number and manner of your mistakes is another

category of clues.

If you make mistakes in your resume or a cover letter for a job,

you are not getting the job.

If you make mistakes in the copy for your website, you are

stacking up the odds against you. Careless mistakes are a big clue that

you want to avoid, no matter what.

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Be there in tough times

Tough times present unique opportunities for human bonding.

When under stress, we come together for support, but the long-term

benefits may be even more important.

Social connection is essential not only to business and personal

success but also to longevity.

Author puts it this way, A deep sense of love and belonging is an

irresistible need of all people. We are biologically, cognitively,

physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong.

When those needs are not met, we don't function as we were meant

to. We break. We fall apart. We numb. We ache. We hurt others. We

get sick.3

If that doesnt sound like the kind of life you want to live, take

every opportunity to strengthen your bonds with others. One of the

best times to do this is when adversity strikes.

You remember the people who stand by your side when you need

them most. When both my parents were sick with cancer, I was

impressed beyond belief with the people who reached out to support

them.

3 Emma M. Seppl, Ph.D, Connect To Thrive; Social Connection Improves

Health, Well-Being, & Longevity, Psychology Today, 26 August 2012.

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Those who helped did not necessarily come from the ranks of my

parents close friends, some of whom simply drifted away. The people

who helped had big hearts and a healthy dose of character. The tough

times brought out the best in them.

Be someone whom your friends, family, and colleagues can trust

to be there when they need you the most.

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Use levels of substance

Way back in the early days of the Web, my alma mater launched a

site called Knowledge@Wharton. Their approach was brilliant and

has resulted in a readership that today has grown to over 2 million

professionals around the globe.

What they did was present information with four different levels

of substance that readers could explore.

The first was a quick summary of a Wharton research finding or

news item. This was a very quick read.

The second was a short article that added a bit of detail but still

was an easy read.

Next came a detailed piece, perhaps an interview with the

Wharton professor who led the research.

Finally, readers who were extremely interested could click

through to read the actual research paper.

This is what I mean by levels of substance. Make it easy for

people to dive deeper into the information you share, but also make it

easy for them to get the basic idea in just a few seconds.

For example, I often do this by publishing an article on LinkedIn

and embedding a 20 to 25 page Slideshare at the bottom of the

article. Readers who found the article of special interest then have the

option to open the Slideshare. I also tweet a few of the main points to

grab the attention of followers who are interested in todays subject

matter.

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One version of what you have to say wont attract nearly as many

readers as three or four versions will.

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Respect the Authenticity Condition

There's an image etched into my brain, and it's the sight of the

road ahead rising up to Sunwapta Pass in the Canadian Rocky

Mountains as our group of 16 riders pedaled towards it.

After climbing slowly for hours, we came around a corner and saw

the final approach to the pass. The road turned 90 degrees and got

dramatically steeper. Impossible, I thought. My legs were already

toast. Flagging down the support van was always an option, but

everyone kept going.

Fate smiled on us. As we turned up the steeper incline, the wind

shifted to be at our backs. The ride was still hard, but it was doable.

We all made it.

Let me be honest. This was no amazing feat. Real athletes ride

further without even blinking. At the top of the pass, we had covered

65 miles since morning. But we were all just decent athletes, and I'm

convinced that what kept us going was largely social influence; we

were, as a group, committed to reaching the top of the pass.

Social influence is the power of people interacting authentically

with other people.

It can be a wonderful force for good. It can help you work harder,

persevere through tough challenges, and find comfort when you

doubt yourself. But this mostly happens when the people involved

voluntarily embrace what's important to the group.

Social influence is a limitless source of energy for your career and

life.

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Social media is a category of services developed by companies. It

sometimes but not always involves social influence.

You might call the difference the Authenticity Condition, which

means that 'liking' is only powerful when people authentically like something. It's why the social media efforts of so many companies are lame beyond belief. Although people will "like" lots of things to get a

chance at winning a prize, they don't actually care. That's not social

media; that's old-fashioned advertising online.

But if you can harness social influence behind something about

which people deeply care, - say, regaining their health or helping

others in need - then you have a magnifying effect that boggles the

mind. This is why I urge people to use social media with discretion,

which generally means when the benefit to others outweighs the

benefit to yourself.

Remember, to elevate social media to the heights of social

influence, you must speak with an authentic voice.

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Be Clear

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Have ONE point

Does your writing get your point across clearly and effectively? If

not, then here is a writing tip guaranteed to help. When I say

"guaranteed," I mean "very helpful but not actually guaranteed." And

yet, "guaranteed sounds much more powerful and thus increases the

odds that you will keep reading. Oh, darn - I'm wasting words again,

which sort of is my point, but I made it too quickly, without giving

you the backstory. Let's try that again...

It is a well-known fact that no one knows more about effective

writing than comedians who play the banjo and become movie

directors. That's one reason I drew my inspiration for this tip from

Steve Martin's very amusing book of his own tweets.

I originally bought Steve's book thinking that after a quick read, I,

too, would become a very funny guy and attract a few million Twitter

followers. That did not happen. After I closed the book, there was an

uncomfortable silence in the room. Not one funny tweet emerged

from my laptop, and I eventually returned the book to its honored

position in our bathroom.

But Steve's title stuck with me. It is The Ten, Make That Nine, Habits of Very Organized People. Make That Ten. The deliberate

confusion got me thinking about how easy it is to get confused when

you write. Instead of figuring out what you really want to say, you

might tend to cram too much information into one document,

whether that happens to be a memo, report, or presentation.

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Here's the rub: if you toss too much into one document, your

primary message will get lost - mostly because you do not have a

primary message.

The most effective way to get your point across is to focus on just

one point.

To help me make my case, I went back into the bathroom and got

Steve's book. Steve's funny tweets focus like a laser on one idea, such

as...

I just downloaded eleven hundred books onto my Kindle, and

now I can't lift it.

Steve did a whole series of tweets about Creepy Guy. One went...

Creepy Guy here fixing basement. Odd that he has to tie me up to

do it.

Truth is, I don't know how Steve managed to compose enough

funny tweets to fill a book, although I suspect it has something to do

with once having a "profession" that mainly consisted of trying to

make grownups spew half-chewed food out of their nostrils.

In any event, Steve and I do have one thing in common. We think

it is best to have one point and to focus on getting it across effectively.

Steve tweeted it this way...

Advice for writers: if you're a writer, a real writer, a really,

really real writer, like, REALLY a writer, you should not write a sentence like this one.

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Minimize the trivial

To demonstrate a point, let me tell you a bit about why you might

want to hire me as a social media expert:

In my freshman year of college, I answered an ad to hang pipes

and curtains in the schools new 2,000-seat concert hall. Once the

theater was set up, I remained on the payroll and worked as a

stagehand, lighting designer, and eventually a stage manager. After

college, I volunteered at the public television station, WGBH/Boston,

until they finally found me a paying job. Over three years, I helped

raise over $7 million to fund the development of new PBS programs.

This was a wonderful experience, but working for a non-profit

organization was not my long-term plan, so I applied to graduate

school

Are you ready to hire me yet? Or maybe your eyes are starting to

water and you are wondering when I am going to mention something

anything relevant to being an expert in social media.

Many people, especially self-made entrepreneurs and older

professionals, promote themselves in this fashion. They give you a

chronological story of everything they have ever done. In the process,

they waste your time and prove that you should NOT hire them.

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Do not make this mistake. Only tell people what they need to

know to help you accomplish what is important to you. If you want

someone to volunteer in your community organization, tell him or her

about your community projects, not about what you do for a living. If

you want a media outlet to write about your new and improved

product, give them an interesting angle to capture their readers

attentions. Minimize everything else.

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Use a lot more pictures

I could blab about the connection that exists between certain

couples, or I could just show you a picture.

Which is more powerful?

This book includes several cartoons. Their goal isnt to make you

laugh so hard that a cheese sandwich comes out your nose. They are

simply there to give your brain a break and to also get you to pause

occasionally and consider what you just read.

In my experience, about one in three people think in pictures, not

words. But most books and many memos, articles, and reports are

comprised mainly of just words.

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Combine this with the fact that plenty of people are not great fans

of reading, and you should realize that words are not enough to get

your message across.

Every time I walk through a bookstore, it drives me crazy that

90% of the adult books have no pictures.

But the good news is that people who use pictures stand out from

the crowd and have a much easier time attracting and keeping

attention.

By the way, all social media is headed towards greater use of

pictures.

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The Theory of Seven

As previously mentioned, there are a lot of words in business: job

descriptions, memos, briefings, meetings, quick updates (that last 45

minutes), and more meetings. This flood of words creates the

impression that adults have endless attention spans and that you can

keep talking and people will keep listening.

This impression is wrong.

I spend my winter weekends at Stratton Mountain, coaching

incredibly talented seven-year-old skiers. They inspired me to create

the Theory of Seven (True confession: I named and capitalized it to

illustrate a point for my students. Young kids love it when you come

up with goofy names.)

My Theory of Seven says that adults are not much different than

seven-year-olds, except that we pretend to be different. Our attention

spans are ridiculously short. We love distractions. Given a choice,

we'd eat cookies all the time. If you leave us in line too long, we get

antsy and may start pushing and shoving.

So, how can the Theory of Seven help you reach others? Like this...

Be clear about what's next. The second and I mean the very second we finish a ski run, my kids want to know what we are

doing next. But they have no interest in the run after that; it is too

much information. Assume the same is true for your colleagues. Be

simple and focus on what's next.

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Don't be intellectual: One kid is a great skier, aggressive and talented. But he has a quirk: every time he does a hard "skating" stop,

he stares at his toes, which shifts his weight in the wrong direction. I

tried explaining this, but it just didn't sink in. Finally I said, "You

must have beautiful toes. You must love your toes so much, you can't

help but look at them."

He thought this was hilarious and so did the other kids. But then

he stopped staring at his toes.

A small percentage of adults are intellectual; most are not. Most

need simple, memorable guidance. Most don't pay attention to

complex explanations.

Don't assume that others are idiots: Seven-year-olds may be goofy little human beings with short attention spans, but they are

much more perceptive than you might assume. They constantly

surprise me with their observations.

If you're not getting through to others, the reason may not be

because they "are idiots." The problem may be that you haven't

figured out a simple and interesting way to communicate your

messages.

Keep things moving: Even the best-coached, most responsive group of kids start acting like babbling idiots if you keep them waiting

too long in a chair lift line or at the cafeteria. Adults are no different;

when they get bored, they start to gossip, complain, and even act

irrationally.

If you aspire to reach others, keep things fresh.

.

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52

Get feedback, and use it

I once had a professor who demonstrated the power of feedback

this way. He sent one student outside and then hid an object in the

room. He then brought the student back, blindfolded, and asked him

to find the object without being told what the object was.

The rest of us knew the location and identity of the object, and

every time he moved towards it, we were allowed to clap once. This

was a demonstration of positive feedback. It took a long time for him

to find the object.

We then did the exercise again with another volunteer, but this

time, in addition to clapping once for the right direction, we were able

to also stomp our feet when the volunteer was moving in the wrong

direction.

This volunteer succeeded quickly. The lesson was that in an ideal

situation, you receive both negative and positive feedback.

The Lean Startup movement is all about getting specific feedback

from actual customers as early as possible in the process of launching

a new business. This is in direct contrast to the old way of starting a

venture, which was to spend months writing a business plan that

almost certainly was not going to describe what would really happen.

People think differently. You cant succeed without getting the

perspective of many other people, otherwise known as feedback.

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Of course, it can be much harder to use feedback than to gather it.

People myself included tend to fall in love with their own ideas.

They are impatient myself included to get something done, rather

than to study the best way to do it. Both of these are serious

vulnerabilities.

Think of feedback as insurance against a disaster.

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Ask for 3 criticisms

The problem with gathering accurate feedback is that many

people are too polite. Show them your half-finished novel, and they

will say something like, I think it is SO amazing that you wrote 150

pages already, and I cannot wait to see what happens next.

Of course, what they are really thinking is: I didnt understand

anything that happened after page seven.

One way around this challenge is to ask for three criticisms.

There are many ways to phrase this. You could ask someone to

identify three things you should consider changing. You could ask

them for their three least favorite aspects of the work you did. You

might try asking them to identify three things they did not fully

understand.

The key is to not be too negative in your request. If you say, Tell

me three things you hated, most people will say, I didnt hate

anything, it was good.

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Be Open-Minded

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Travel in new circles

Man, am I depressed. I just mapped my activities during the first

three days of this workweek. I went from home to work to home to

work to home to work. In a few minutes, Im going home.

Contrary to my normal activities, I did not take time to meet

interesting people, to expose myself to new ideas, or to let random

events nudge me in fresh directions.

Fortunately, tomorrow evening, my wife and I are headed into

New York to have dinner with good friends, who always bring us a

fresh perspective. I will cut short my boring streak at three days.

It takes a conscious effort to expose yourself to new ideas. Most

people have a natural tendency to associate with people who share

similar interests. Young parents have an easier time meeting and

hanging out with other young parents. College students hang out with

college students.

But it takes a rare talent to deliberately reach out to others who

are very different from you. This is one of the things I love best about

giving speeches.

I once gave two speeches in the same day at the Utah Governors

Conference. At both events, a tall, grizzled man with long gray hair

and a cowboy hat sat in the third row. At some point during the

second speech, I realized he was holding a hammer. When he started

to approach me at the conclusion of my speech, I actually checked

whether there was an exit nearby.

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It turned out that the hammer was the top of his cane, and that he

was a contractor who used many of the strategies about which I was

talking. I learned more from that man than he did from me, and I

never would have met him if I hadnt traveled 1,500 miles to the edge

of the Utah desert.

Every week, get out of your comfort zone. Go meet someone who

thinks differently than you do. In the process, you will expose your

ideas to many others.

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Attack your blind spots

Lots of people myself included talk a good game about being

open-minded. But how many of us are truly open to ideas that

challenge our most closely held beliefs? This question is important

because the odds are overwhelming that at some point, your career,

marriage, or even your life will be wholly undone by your belief in an

idea that proved to be wrong.

One of my most treasured and longstanding friends is a southern

conservative CEO; I am a somewhat liberal creative type born in

Massachusetts. I'm pretty sure we have never voted for the same

candidate. But one reason I treasure our friendship is because he

works very hard to understand how I think and I do the same with

him. Each of us recognizes that we are limited by our beliefs, attitudes

and most importantly restricted access to information.

People who share your views probably surround you. If you are

religious, you congregate regularly with people of the same religion.

Americans surround Americans; the same is true in Russia, India,

China, and Portugal. If you work for a cautious firm, you are

surrounded by other cautious professionals. If you work for a startup,

you associate with people more willing to take risks than the general

public.

When you go online, you do not see the same Web that I see. You

see a Web that has been personalized to match your ideas,

preferences, and activities. So, you find more reasons to be set in your

ways, and so do I.

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The more set you are in your ways, the more blind spots you have.

That's why a closed mind is so dangerous.

As we get "experienced," we think we get wiser. In reality, we

simply accumulate a longer list of mistakes we have made. If we are

reasonably smart, we avoid making the same mistakes again.

But few of us have the courage to attack our blind spots. Doing so

requires challenging many of our most cherished beliefs. It makes us

feel foolish. Why would we deliberately do something our brains are

telling us is nonsense?

I cannot give you an easy prescription for opening your mind.

Anything that's easy will simply fool you into believing you are being

open-minded; it won't actually open your mind.

The only thing I can tell you is that lurking among your beliefs are

one or more deadly traps that have the potential to cut short your

success, health, and happiness. Dont allow these blind spots to

linger. Attack them.

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Make bold proposals

A friend in college believed that there should be no limit to what

he attempted to achieve, so at the age of 23, he applied to be president

of a major university. Even though this was a ridiculous undertaking,

he took pleasure in crafting the best possible pitch letter and it was

a very good pitch.

The same year, he decided to call the CEO of a large investment

bank and ask him for career advice. He got through to the CEO and

also got useful advice.

Most people self-edit too much. They fail without even trying and

would not even think of writing to Forbes magazine and suggesting

they accept a guest article. They would not call The Today Show to

pitch themselves as a guest.

I got my first big promotion by writing a job description and

giving it to my bosss bosss boss. He and his boss ultimately

wrote the recommendations that got me into business school, where I

met my wife.

If I hadnt been bold then, nearly everyone dear to me in the world

might not be part of my life today.

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Point/counterpoint

When you run across someone with whom you disagree, you have

at least two options.

First, you could allow the other person to annoy, aggravate, or

upset you.

Second, you could join forces with that person to better connect

with the people you most wish to reach. To do that, propose to this

person a point/counterpoint program.

The format is simple: you each argue different sides of the same

topic. You can do this on a website or TV broadcast. You can both

speak at a live event. You can run simultaneous articles in a

newspaper or magazine.

My only caveat is that you should pick a person who disagrees

with you, but is both intelligent and respectful.

If you do this properly, you each get the benefit of the others

audience.

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63

Admit it, youre in show business

The best business people are show people, as are the most

effective educators and the most compassionate physicians. Whether

consciously or not, they operate their professional lives as though

they were in show business.

To make my case, I'd like to share six ways that every great

company acts like it is in show business:

1.) They put their products on a stage. Average companies present products in average ways. They are boring. Great companies

treat their products like stars. A Nike running store is like a shrine to

running, and the entire store is designed as though it is a theater. The

people who work there are obsessed with running; they are no less

dedicated to running than an actor is to acting.

2.) At showtime, they give every ounce of energy. Once your doors are open, it is showtime, and you have to give 100%. The

last few minutes of a show bring the triumphant climax, not a low-

energy obsession with watching the clock until you can go home.

Great businesses close on a high, not with a whimper. The Apple

Store on Fifth Avenue in New York City takes this principle even

further; it never closes, and the energy there is amazing, even late at

night. Go to a craft fair, and watch the merchants who are doing the

best business; the odds are that they are true show people, treating

every minute at the show as precious.

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3.) Energy flows two ways. It is unsustainable to expect employees to deliver great energy day after day without somehow

getting it back. Great companies hire the best and create a culture

that makes employees feel like the best. They are the ones that

innovate and thrive. "Google" pictures of Google's offices, and see

what I mean. In my town, Max's Art Supplies continues to thrive as

other local merchants disappear. The store's employees seem to

genuinely love talking with and helping customers, and the walls

behind their counter are filled with gifts and gags from famous artists.

4.) Their standards are very high. Show business is hard. Performers have to stay in shape, writers have to top their last effort,

and musicians can't miss a beat. You don't get to work hard for seven

years, then coast for ten. You have to work hard week after week after

week. In the same manner, the best companies are extremely

demanding. They don't do it to be mean or exploitative; they do it

because that's the way show business works. At a great supermarket,

the cashier walks out from behind the counter to greet you and take

control of your shopping cart; at the average ones, they just stand

there and check their text messages.

5.) They understand that showmanship is an art, not a

science. There is no book that says: do this, and your show is guaranteed to be a hit. Likewise, there is no magic formula for

delivering one hit product after another. The best you can do is to

cultivate a culture of showmanship and a willingness to dust yourself

off after a bomb and try again.

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For example, when you make a mistake with a customer or client,

you can make excuses and apologize. Or you can treat the problem as

an occasion to demonstrate how much you value the persons

business, and go far beyond the call of duty. Our carpenter once came

on a Saturday just hours after I called him to fix closet shelves

his assistant had improperly installed. We ended up talking and I

hired him to renovate our bathroom.

6.) They honor the unwritten rules. Former Pixar storyboard artist Emma Coats actually wrote down a list of

storytelling principles that for the most part have been unwritten. My

favorite is: coincidences to get characters into trouble are great;

coincidences to get them out of it are cheating. You need to

understand and honor the unwritten rules that govern your situation.

Underneath it all, show business is a source of adrenaline. The excitement of performing elevates us above our daily lives. It is fun and exciting.

No matter what you do, whether you deliver newspapers or run a

company, the more you can act as though you are in show business,

the more excited people will be about working with you.

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Be Adaptable

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Change the cover

I just learned that over the past six months, 5 million pieces of

work have been uploaded to Slideshare, the website on which people

share presentations, info-graphics and reports.

Six out of these 26 weeks, one of my works has been the #1 most

popular Slideshare. Those are pretty long odds, and I tell you this not

to brag but to share my secret.

When an idea doesnt work, I change the cover. That is, if I upload

a presentation and it does not get many views, I rethink the cover

image and the title. In some cases, I have changed these five times on

a single presentation.

Im brutally honest with myself and dont fall in love with my own

ideas. The Web enables you to see results in real time. If I dont see a

marked difference in a few hours time, I consider the revision a

failure, and try again.

I do this with articles, white papers, and book proposals, too.

There are some ideas that I have literally spent ten years twisting and

turning, trying to make them work.

My secret is simple: I keep making changes until my idea

actually helps other people.

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69

Rewrite, rewrite, rewrite

People hate this tip, but the hard reality is that you need to rewrite

your first draft, and keep rewriting until you have a powerful

document with a clear message, tailored to your audience.

I write at least three drafts of everything, even emails. When I

violate this principle, I regret it. By regret, I mean: years ago, not

rewriting cost me a raise, more than one client, and even some

friends.

Rewriting doesn't require hours of time. You can rewrite a short

email in two minutes. Don't skip this step! The more you polish your

words, the higher your career will soar.

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Use fear to your advantage

Have you ever been in a situation in which you are either going

down in flames or winning beyond your wildest dreams?

The fear of failure can be overwhelming. Your vision can narrow,

and your brain literally stops working. You just want to run away.

But if you can harness that fear, it can become a powerful

motivator. The trick is to use it as an engine for a "no choice but

victory," all-out campaign.

In the late 1990's, Don Peppers and I took turns delivering two-

day Building Share of Customer workshops at HP locations around

the world. This led to my giving a speech at HP that, well, flopped. My

client was quite upset but gave me one chance to redeem myself... by

giving a much bigger speech to over 200 marketing executives, with

the #2 HP executive sitting in the front row.

I was terrified. What if my client was right? Maybe I just didn't

have the juice to perform at this level. More than once, the impulse

occurred to me to run away. Although I don't remember the details,

eventually, it dawned on me that I had no choice but to blow the

doors off that venue.

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I worked harder on that speech than any before it, by far. I

thought not only about the intellectual side of my presentation but

also about the little details: how to walk onto the stage, how to

interact with the top executive, and how to strike the right balance

between being informative and entertaining. I even thought of a way

to mask my fear in the first minute or so, by "pretending" to be

nervous.

As you have guessed by now, my second speech was a big success.

But it wasn't because I was naturally talented. It was because my

client put the fear of God into me. My guess is he made a calculated

bet that I wouldn't panic under the pressure, but instead, I would rise

to the occasion.

When you end up in a similar situation and you will the trick

is to let panic run its course, and then take charge. However much

effort it requires, give yourself no choice but to win. Make a list of the

things you can do to ensure victory, and then methodically and

relentlessly pursue them.

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Partner

Other people and organizations have better reach, better access to

talent, and better ideas than you do.

I say this not to depress you, but because this is true for everyone.

No one can go it alone. In our world, being connected is central to

your ability to accomplish anything of value.

Partner with others, but do so in a thoughtful and cautious

manner. Choose partners who have solid reputations, who share key

values with you, and with whom you have common goals.

Bear in mind that not every partnership needs to be like a

marriage. Even as I type this, I am emailing back and forth with

another writer to coordinate a simultaneous release of

complementary articles. If the effort does not prove valuable, our

investment of time and effort will have been just a few hours. But if it

works, we both will be highly motivated to continue the joint venture.

The single biggest mistake I have witnessed in business is when

someone decides he or she no longer needs anyones help. It is never

true, and it almost always results in a spectacular crash.

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Think (a bit) like an academic

The traditional view of careers looked something like a straight

line that hopefully sloped in an upwards direction. Professionals

would seek to get more money and bigger jobs, year after year, until

they just couldnt do it any more.

But this is a model for a world that changed slower than ours does

today. Social media is even toppling entire governments today, so

how can you expect a career path that goes in a straight line?

In this environment, you have to be flexible. Leave your

expectations behind, and change as the world changes. The future

belongs to the most flexible, not the strongest or smartest.

Some have proposed that academic careers might serve as a new

model for all careers. I found this passage of particular interest:

lateral and even downwards movement are accepted (e.g. when a Dean returns to serve as a Professor, conducting research

and teaching, it is not considered demotion). Upwards mobility is

limited, even not desired (becoming a Dean might take scholars off

the research route) Sabbaticals are part of the career. Perhaps

more fundamental, the academic career model builds on networking within and across organizations.4

4 Yehuda Baruch, Transforming careers: from linear to multidirectional

career paths; Organizational and individual perspectives, Career Development International Vol. 9, No. 4, University of East Anglia, Norwich, UK, 2004.

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The main reason this idea caught my attention is that while

professors arent always known for their flexibility, they are expected

to continually conduct research and drive learning in their chosen

field. This quest for knowledge should drive your career as well.

Thinking of your career through the lens of this academic model

might lead you to a much more interesting and robust career than you

would get from employing a traditional corporate mindset.

One more thing academics frequently collaborate with other

academics, and collaboration is a very good idea.

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Keep learning

Heres the biggest problem with college: it ends.

What a horrible idea that you go to college from ages 18 to 22, and

then you stop learning!

Sure, others will argue that people dont stop learning - that we

learn throughout our careers, by reading, and by meeting others. Yes,

but the only time most adults take an entire year to learn is when they

go to college.

If you want to make sound decisions, if you want to advance your

career, and if you want others to be interested in what you have to

say you must put as much time into learning as you did in college.

Fortunately, the world is going to help you out on this one. All the

top colleges are experimenting with massively opening online

courses, and free, or nearly free, content is increasingly easy to find.

Nearly every major city has meet-ups focused on cutting edge topics.

Educators are even starting to rethink the basic idea of a college

education.

Education is the best insurance policy you can buy for your career.

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77

Be Persistent

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Dont take no answer as a no

Bummer. You emailed an editor two days ago and he hasnt

responded. Guess he hated your pitch, so you better move on to the

next prospect.

Not!

Do not reach out one time. Do not reach out once a week. Every

day you need to reach out to others, and you need to be persistent

about checking back with people.

That editor might be:

On vacation Traveling Obsessed with an important deadline Unaware your pitch is in his spam folder Confusing you with someone else

Dont take no answer as a no.

When you put your goals and reputation on the line, its easy to

become overly sensitive to the slightest slights.

Did he hate my idea? you might wonder. Maybe he thinks Im

an idiot for daring to think that I deserve to be associated with his

projects.

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These, and 100 other potential negative thoughts, are self-

defeating. Rather than guessing about his lack of response, wait a few

more days and then send a polite follow-up note. If that doesnt work,

wait a few days, and call him. You will probably end up leaving a

message, so be sure it is positive, upbeat, and concise.

Above all else, assume success until another outcome is proven

without a shadow of a doubt. If things dont work out, recharge your

batteries (quickly), and bring the same positive energy to another

prospect.

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Exceed promises

If you want to promote yourself but you hate the idea of

promoting yourself, this tip is your best bet.

The single best way to get people to talk in glowing terms about

you is to dramatically exceed your promises to them.

WestJet Airlines recently did this in dramatic fashion by setting

up an elaborate stunt to make its passengers Christmas wishes come

true. The airline set up a virtual Santa display in two airports, and

passengers, who were getting on each of two planes, thought they

were just having fun telling Santa what they wanted for Christmas.

But 150 airline employees worked behind-the-scenes to record these

wishes, race out to local stores in Calgary - where each plane was

headed - and gift-wrap the presents before the planes landed.

As passengers gathered in baggage claim, it wasnt their luggage

that came down the conveyor belt first. Instead, hundreds of gift-

wrapped packages came down, each with the name of a passenger.

There were tablets and smartphones, scarves and flights home for the

holiday, plus at least one 50 television.

Granted, this is a stunt that impacted just two planeloads of

customers, but it was so well executed that my eyes watered when I

watched a video about the giveaway. The message was clear: we love

to delight our customers.

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There are so many ways you can exceed promises: be faster,

better, more reliable, more creative, or more inventive than you

promised. Be more helpful or more considerate. Save other people

time, money, and effort.

When you exceed promises, the need to self-promote evaporates.

Other people will do the promotion for you.

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Ask for referrals

Hands down, the most profitable way to find new customers (or

supporters or investors or partners) is to motivate others to refer

people to you. Most people don't pay enough attention to harvesting

this low-hanging fruit.

Here are five ways to get started, but I'm confident you can think

of even more - if you invest time and energy into this fruitful activity.

1. Be bold - ask for referrals: Most people make the most fundamental mistake; they fail to even ask for a referral, or they settle

for just one. Ask others for referrals, and when they give you one, ask

for another.

2. Celebrate: Life is short; find excuses to celebrate, and when you do, invite others, and suggest they bring their friends. Such

celebrations aren't the place to engage in blatant self-promotion but

rather to build relationships and show other people how good it must

feel to know you.

3. Support what your network supports: Raise meaningful amounts of money for charities, schools, and other causes about

which your stakeholders care. Invest 95% of your time and efforts in

providing support to those organizations; don't make the mistake of

spending more money bragging about your generosity than on

actually being generous.

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4. Make your references easy to access: A friend of mine wants to renovate his kitchen and has been meeting with contractors.

He was especially impressed by one, simply because the man had all

his references organized by year and type of job. Plus, he was open to

having my friend call anyone he wished. This sort of open, frictionless

approach to references provides prospective customers with

tremendous amounts of reassurance.

5. Say thanks: After someone has helped you, be sure to write or call to say thank you. Don't forget to ask if there is some way you can

help them. And when you say "help," you better mean it. If you feel

that way, it will show, and if it shows, you'll be rewarded with more

referrals than you ever dreamed possible.

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Take credit

When you accomplish something and others congratulate you,

dont minimize your work or brush off the compliment.

Show pride in your work, and be grateful for the acknowledgment.

Always accept credit for the good work you have done.

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Be Present

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Really listen

How many times have you said something to another person and

realized that he or she didnt absorb anything you just said?

It happens all the time.

If you dont listen, you prove two things to people. First, you dont

care about them. Second, you arent very smart.

The first point is obvious, but what does intelligence have to do

with listening? The better able you are to grasp and respond to what

people tell you, the smarter they perceive you to be.

A great way to do this is by practicing what Dr. Martin Seligman

calls Active Constructive Responding (ACR)5.

To put ACR to work, when someone tells you good news, you

respond in an active and constructive manner like this, That is

wonderful news that you were invited to the executive training

program. You work so hard, and you deserve this honor. When is the

first program, and what do you know about the content?

In contrast, I could have said, Oh, thats great, good for you.

Or, Congratulations.

Do you see how much more powerful the first response was? I

built on the good news, rather than simply rushing past it.

5 Senia Mayman, Happiness Exercise: How to Make People Love You in This

Emotional Life blog. Available from http://www.PBS.org.

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When you listen, you need to change your behavior to

demonstrate not only that you have absorbed the other persons

messages but also that you genuinely care about what they are telling

you.

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Talk less

Congratulations, you learned to listen!

But that doesnt mean you know when to stop talking. Here are

some of the times when it would be a good idea to silence yourself, at

least temporarily:

You are selling a product, service, or idea and the other person starts to say yes, or words that have the strong

possibility that they might lead to yes.

A blogger or member of the media is interviewing you, and they need concise, highly repeatable quotes rather than long

soliloquys.

You are at a meeting or event sponsored by someone else, and continuing to talk might upset their agenda.

The other person has stopped asking you questions and has started looking at his or her watch.

Heres what may not make sense to you: in a book about self-

promotion, why am I telling you to talk less?

You want to teach people to pay attention to what you say. The

best way to do this is first, have something of value to say, and

second, know what will be of value to this person. Generally speaking, it does not take very long to share what is of special interest to a

person.

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Heres the trick: if you are genuinely interested in other people,

you will be genuinely interested in what they have to say. This implies

that you will talk less.

If you find yourself talking a great deal, you may wish to consider

whether you are spending time with the right people.

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Change your perspective

You are trying to get the right type of attention, and it just isnt

working.

What do you do?

ZIZO!

That stands for Zoom In, Zoom Out. Go back through your work,

and find ways to both zoom in on the details and zoom out to

highlight the big picture. Doing so will make your messages much

more compelling and clear. It also will help you avoid the biggest

pitfall of all: being the person who drones on and on and on about

what seems to be the same thing.

Zoom In...

Instead of tossing out unsupported statements and rushing past

what could be logical errors, dig much deeper into your work.

Find research or other factual evidence to back up your

statements. If you can't validate a claim, remove it.

Inject actual human beings into your story. Whether you are

talking about factory operations in Kazakhstan or a launching a new

charity in Amsterdam, illustrate the human impact of doing what you

suggest. More importantly, what would the impact be of not doing it?

Zoom Out...

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The world is filled with blind people. I don't mean people who

have no eyesight; I mean people who are blinded by an unchanging

perspective on the challenges they face. In other words, they have no

perspective.

Such people are highly unlikely to come up with original solutions

to persistent problems. They are not the ones who spot profitable new

opportunities. They are not the people who can dazzle a room full of

professionals. On the contrary, they are the ones who suck the energy right out of a room.

To avoid being seen as such a person, you need perspective.

Zoom way above your subject matter, and understand where it fits

into the larger view of your colleagues, community, profession,

economy, region, or country. Consider the viewpoints of others who

have a diametrically opposite view from yours. Do this not because

you want to waffle and tone down your recommendations; do this

because you need to understand what the objections may be to your

ideas, and because you need to spot - and fix - your weak points

before others do.

You can't do this in a bubble. Gather information from fresh

sources. Actually pick up the phone, or get out of your office, and talk

to people who can broaden your perspective and expose you to new

ideas.

One of the central benefits of zooming out is that you often find

someone else who has already solved the problems you are trying to

solve. This person or organization may be in a different industry or

geographic region. If you fail to zoom out, you will never find them.

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Be ultra-quiet

My best ideas come to me when I shut up.

The only problem is that I really like talking and hanging out with

other people, being exposed to new ideas, and being surprised by

what other people say and do.

But my brain and yours needs time to process all these new

experiences. Sleeping is not enough quiet time; you also need quiet

time while you are awake.

This could mean meditating or simply taking a long walk alone. It

might mean jumping on your bike early one morning or paddling a

kayak along the coast.

Most people resist the idea of being ultra-quiet. If you are such a

person, let me promise you that being ultra-quiet, at least once every

few weeks, is the only thing you can do to increase your intelligence.

Yes, you read that correctly; you will increase your intelligence by

being quiet on a regular basis.

If you increase your intelligence, you will discover many new ways

to promote your interests in effective and highly appropriate ways.

To increase my odds of success in 2014, I founded the Think

Clearly group on LinkedIn. All of us who are members have pledged

to spend at least ten minutes a day this year being quiet, emptying

our minds, and doing nothing at all. You are welcome to join us:

http://www.linkedin.com/groups?gid=7434568

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Get in front of people

A good friend of mine gets a LOT of press. Hes been the subject of

cover stories in The Wall Street Journal and The New York Times.

CNN has done many interviews with him. Forbes and BusinessWeek have written about him.

A few weeks after a big article came out in The Wall Street

Journal, I asked him about all the phone calls it must have generated.

Our conversation went something like this

Oh, no, you dont understand, he said. The purpose of press like

this isnt to generate an immediate result.

I played dumb. It isnt?

Nope. Sure, we get a handful of calls and plenty of

congratulations from people we already know. But the real value of

big media is credibility.

He went on to explain that when he and his team get in front of

potential clients, investors, and partners, their thick book of press

clippings often makes the difference between a big deal and no deal.

If all I did was generate press and wait for the phone to ring, Id

have no business at all. To create opportunities, you actually have to

get out of the office, and get in front of other people.

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This fits perfectly with my own experience. My social media

activities give me a significant advantage when I meet people at

conferences or when I start interacting with prospects; they already

have a strong sense of what I do and what value I can add. But 95% of

my opportunities come from face-to-face interactions.

This also fits well with my overall business philosophy, which is

that despite the flood of new technology and new business models, we

are still human beings dealing with other human beings.

There is no substitute for spending time with other people.

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Credits

Thanks to Jonathan Brown for the illustrations. You can find him

on Elance, and he is a true professional. The color photo in Use a Lot

More Pictures is by ArtFamily/Shutterstock.

Lynn Prowitt is a content wizard, and she has been more than

generous with her time, wisdom, and enthusiasm. Her insights have

helped shaped not only this book but also my conception of

subsequent books.

Kymmie Krieger, founder of www.bewritewithyou.com, edited my

work and made sure that this book would stand up to your scrutiny

after you read my advice to be perfect.

Rebecca Roberts, Robert Lee, and Nitin Shenoy helped me with

research.

Thanks to everyone who posts comments on my LinkedIn articles.

I read every word, and your ideas inform and inspire me. Bits and

pieces of my LinkedIn articles appear in this book; I hope you dont

mind.

Isabelle Roughol, Florencia Iriondo, Marisa Wong, Katie Carroll,

Chip Cutter, Dan Roth, Francesca Levy, John Abell, and Jakee Zaccor

have all made it possible for me to reach a wider audience and for that

I am eternally grateful.

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About the Author

Bruce Kasanoff is a storyteller. When not writing whats on his

mind, he helps companies tell their stories to customers, employees,

investors, or key influencers. He is co-author of Smart Customers,

Stupid Companies and author of Making It Personal.

Bruces ideas have been featured across many outlets including

LinkedIns Influencer program, FastCompany, DigitalTrends, and

BusinessWeek. He is a popular speaker on employee and customer

engagement, and on bringing out the best in other people.

You are welcome to send Bruce your ideas, examples, and

questions. His email address is bruce@nowpossible.com. His website

is http://www.kasanoff.com.

You can find Bruces LinkedIn articles here:

http://www.linkedin.com/influencer/36792