RICHARD BUTLERLife & Business Coach

RichardButlerTheSuccessCoach.com

+3531442 9769richardbutler.lifecoach@gmail.com

http://RichardButlerTheSuccessCoach.com

GETTING OVERA BREAKUP

There is life after love

How to move on after a break up

Richard Butler

www.RichardButlerTheSuccessCoach.com

Introduction

This is a bit of a personal article. It’s about break ups. It’s personal because it’s somethingthat happened to me and that I lived through, and I know a lot of you may have experiencedthis as some point. I honestly don’t wish this on anyone. A breakup takes an emotional tollon you. It’s a time of negative energy. There are days that you may feel quite negative andthink that it will never pass, but it does, and this article will help you come to terms with abreakup.

Let me tell you thought that during times like this you will be amazed at how strong you areand how you can summon up inner strength that you have within you.I’d love to say this isan easy process but it can be difficult. When you have a break up you will find that you healin stages. You can only move from one stage to the next when you are ready, not whensomeone else says you are but when you know you are.

These strategies will help you come to terms with a breakup and will help youovercome them:

GETTING OVERa breakup

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Discover your spirituality – Healing can occur by connecting with the universe, call it God,the creator, or whichever name you wish, however you may find that after a breakup youseek out something more spiritual, something else that will help guide you and help youheal.In a sense you begin to soul search. To look inside yourself and find the answers. Youmay not believe it but you will soon find that perhaps what has happened was for a reason,which at the time was unknown to me.

Richard’s Note – this happened to me, it was the hardest time in the world I felt my wholelife had been ripped apart. Over time I discovered that it was best for both of us to be apartand move on a separate journey.

When I talk about being spiritual it is whatever makes you connect with a higher state ofbeing. Whatever makes you feel there is more to life. It can be church, Buda, or anything,just go with the feeling

Become motivated – this is crucial. I remember after my breakup how down I felt. I keptquestioning everything and anything. Why did it happen? How much was my fault. I did notwant to see people or talk to people. I started to withdraw into myself and to be honest lostmotivation to do anything. You just feel like what the heck, why bother doing anything orcalling anyone. However you will not overcome the breakup unless you motivate yourself tomove on. Remember it’s ok to wallow a little, but don’t let it consume you. The longer youstay wallowing and de-motivated the worse it is.

Believe me getting back to being motivated will be hard but you can do it. Set yourself minigoals each day. Simple things like going for a walk, going for a coffee by yourself, meetingfriends. Every little helps.

Don’t fall back – It’s easy to fall back into your old relationship. This can happen that youdecide to give it one more chance, or you have a one night experience with your ex. It’s notworth it. It will just hurt you further. Also don’t rush into another relationship of any sort toosoon. Give yourself some “me time” to reconnect with yourself. Find out what it means to beyour own best friend. Rediscover interests you may have lost. This to be honest was mybiggest downfall. I had lost contact with friends, my interests etc, so when my marriagebroke up I felt very alone and very much I guess lost. Slowly but surely I regained myconfidence, I just took it one step at a time.

Support will come from friends and family – Your friends and family will want to supportyou. Don’t try to play the hero and say no to it. You need that support right now. I know thatmy mother was very supportive of me when the breakup happened. Even taking me backinto the family home. Without her it would have been difficult. My sister too, although

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thousands of miles away was super supportive as well. Don’t push this support away as therewill be times in the first few months that you will need it.

Allow some time for reflection – It’s ok to reflect and ask yourself what went wrong, howcould you have prevented it, and most importantly what can you learn for the future. Whatword of caution though, don’t spend too much time reflecting as this can turn into a viciouscycle of depression. Again believe me I know. You start to reflect, you feel sad, you reflectagain feel sad again, and then you get de-motivated. Then you get angry for being de-motivated and then you feel bad.

Not sure if you can relate to that but that’s how it happened for me. If you start to reflect toomuch and complain too much this may push your friends, family and supporters away fromyou.

The key thing is you really have to push yourself to get out there, to push your limits toovercome the sadness, fear, regret, anger and host of other emotions you are feeling.

But you can overcome it, and you will, it just takes time.

So what did I learn?

I learned that love hurts, trust is a difficult thing, relationships take work, that I was not abad person, that the person I was with we had run our course. Were either of us bad people,probably not, just the relationship was no longer working.

I also discovered that like a phoenix I could rise from the ashes. I learned that I lost manyopportunities because I felt sad for too long. But I also learned that what happened was for areason. I now live in Barcelona, have a wonderful partner (although she lives in Ireland!) butI am finally feeling more at home, here in Spain, it’s like a feeling of coming home to yourroots.

So all in all, the pain was worth the gain

Please feel free to comment, share and to reflect on this article

Find out more about Richard and his life and internet business coaching atwww.RichardButlerTheSuccessCoach.com

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