Emotional Intelligence

What is Emotional Intelligence?

Capacity to recognize your feelings and the feelings of others.

Emotional Intelligence Quotient – similar to measuring your IQ, your EIQ can directly correlate to how successful you are.

Theory: once you learn to manage yourself, you can more easily manage others.

EI Resources

Books Emotional Intelligence 2.0 Working With Emotional Intelligence

Personal Competence Social Competence

Self-awareness Self-management Self-regulation skills

Focus on you individually rather than on your interactions with others

Ability to stay aware of your emotions and manage your behavior and tendencies.

Social-awareness Relationship management

skills

Ability to understand other people’s moods, behaviors and motives in order to improve the quality of your relationships

EI At a Glance

EI Abilities

Observing Looking at body language, your environment, etc.

Listening Tone of voice, what isn’t being said?

Sensing/Intuiting Your inner voice is telling you that something is going on that you may not be

seeing or hearing.

Asking Pertinent Questions Confirm what you are seeing, hearing, or sensing; increased information to

prevent assumptions or judgments

Self-Awareness Analyzing the clues based on your experiences, biases, assumptions,

knowledge, etc. Be aware of your strengths and what you would like to improve upon.

5 Skills to Raise your EIQ

Self-awarenes

s

Self-regulatio

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MotivationEmpathy

Social Skills

3 Main Skills for Emotional Intelligence

Self-Awareness Knowing one’s internal states, preferences, resources, and

intuitions in the moment and your tendencies across situations

Self-Regulation Managing one’s internal states, impulses, and resources

Motivation Emotional tendencies that guide or facilitate reaching goals

Self-Awareness

Emotional awareness Recognizing one’s emotions and their effects

Accurate self-assessment Knowing one’s strengths and limits

Self-confidence A strong sense of one’s worth and one’s self-work and capabilities

Self-reflection Periods of self-reflection allows the willingness to tolerate the

discomfort of focusing on feelings that may be negative as well as positive.

What’s happening? What do you do?

1) Trouble understanding your emotions

2) Not fully appreciating the impact you have on others

3) Not owning up to your shortcomings

4) What are your shadows?

1) Pause and determine what is triggering your response

2) Observe the ripple effect of your behaviors. Ask others. Be more reflective about your behavior.

3) Seek feedback. Other’s views can be a real eye-opener.

4) Self-honesty & judgment (try to remain neutral yet objective)

Examples of Self-Awareness

Self-Regulation

Self-control Keep disruptive emotions & impulses in check

Trustworthiness Maintain standards of honesty & integrity

Conscientiousness Take responsibility for personal performance

Adaptability Remain flexible when handling change

Innovation Becomfortable with novel ideas, approaches and new information

Tips for Self-Regulation

Self-awareness Become an expert!

Listen During difficult conversations, always let the other person finish

speaking. This will decrease the tendency to rush to judgment, calms the other person down, and gives you time to see the big picture.

Step back Picture the current situation in your head as if it weren’t happening to

you. Now, how would/should you proceed?

Breathe When all else fails, breathe! No matter what you are feeling, focus your

attention on gradual, deep, even-paced breaths to help relax your body and clear your mind. When your head is clear, you are better able to see and choose the best course of action.

Motivation

Achievement drive Strive to improve or meet a standard of excellence

Commitment Align with the goals of the group or organization you are

working with

Initiative Be ready to act on opportunities

Optimism Be persistent in pursuing goals despite obstacles and

setbacks

REMINDERS

The more we judge ourselves, the more likely we are to not know ourselves and become defensive – blocking our ability to better understand ourselves.

We need to trust ourselves in order to trust other people.

Conflict creates stress – get to know yourself under stress.

Ask yourself: What matters to me? What pushes your buttons? What are you feeling right now?

Resources

Myer’s Briggs Better understand your personality type. Free online version: Jung’s Typology

Ennaegram Better understand what motivates you. Free online version: Ennaegram Test

Strengths Finder 2.0 Buy the book/code to take this online test that

will help you identify your 5 strengths. Free option: Identifying Strengths Handout

Social Intelligence

What is Social Intelligence?

Achieved through empathy and social skills once you have developed your own Emotional Intelligence (EI).

Social competence Social awareness & relationship management skills Ability to understand other’s moods, behaviors, &

motives

Empathy

Awareness of others’ feelings & concerns

Characterized by Understanding others

Being able to sense other’s feelings and perspectives and taking an active interest in their concerns

Developing others Sensing others’ development needs and bolstering their abilities

Service orientation Anticipating, recognizing, and meeting others’ needs

Leveling diversity Cultivating opportunities through different kinds of people

Political awareness Reading a group’s emotional currents and power relationships

Social Skills

Adeptness at inducing desirable responses in others

Characterized by Influence - wielding effective tactics for persuasion Communication - listening, opening, and sending convincing

messages Conflict management - negotiating and resolving

disagreements Leadership - inspiring and guiding individuals and groups Change Catalyst - initiating or managing change Building bonds - nurturing instrumental relationships Collaboration & Cooperation - working with others toward

shared goals Team Capabilities - creating group synergy in pursing collective

goals

EI Strategies

• Don’t treat your feelings as good or bad.

• Observe the “ripple effect” from your emotions.

• Lean into your discomfort.

• Feel your emotions physically.

• Know who and what pushes your buttons.

• Watch yourself like a “hawk.” Learn to ask good questions. Be more insightful about “what you don’t know.”

EI Strategies

• Keep a journal about your emotions until you become consistent at recognizing how you are feeling.

• Don’t be fooled by a bad mood. Try to understand what is behind it.

• Check-in with yourself periodically.

• Seek feedback from others. If people are telling you what you want to hear, you are asking the wrong people for feedback.

• Ask yourself why you do the things you do?

EI Strategies

• Get to know yourself under stress. Become astutely self-aware.

• Learn to suspend judgments and assumptions.

Focus more on your own reactions/responses than on those of others.

Determine how you will manage or regulate your emotional responses. Be specific.

Determine your level of motivation in greeting challenges and ensuring your growth as a person and a professional.

Don’t try to develop your social skills or ability to be empathic until you have undertaken the development of the three personal skills involved in increasing your EIQ: self-awareness, self-regulation, and motivation.

THOUGHTS? CONCERNS? INPUTS?

Questions?