Chapter Eight Choosing Others: Dating and Mate Selection
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Transcript of Chapter Eight Choosing Others: Dating and Mate Selection
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Chapter Eight
Choosing Others: Dating and Mate Selection
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Why do We Date?
• Manifest Functions Fulfilled• Maturation• Fun and recreation• Companionship• Love and affection• Mate selection
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Why do We Date? • Latent Functions Fulfilled
• Socialization• Social status• Fulfillment of ego needs• Sexual experimentation and intimacy• Big business
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The Dating Traditions• Gender role scripts – who does what• Bat mitzvah and bar mitzvah—rites of
passage in the Jewish community.• Proms• “Going steady” and “getting pinned” were
popular after WWII. • What are the terms now?
• “Going with” or “going together”• “Hang out.”• “Getting together”• “Hooking up”
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Personal ads—published in mainstream
magazines, on the Web, etc.
Mail-order brides — 200+ international services
Cyber dating & Online Matchmaking
How Do We Meet People
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How Do We Meet People?Professional matchmakers—make a
living by matching people up.
Speed dating
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Choosing Whom We Date: Choices and Constraints
• What constrains us when it comes to who we date?
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Homogamy• Homogamy refers to dating or
marrying someone with similar backgrounds to our own.
• Why are we attracted to similarity?
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Filter Theory• According to filter theory, we use
specific criteria and narrow number of candidates.
• What filters do you use?
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Why Do We Date?• Sociologists consider dating a marriage
market in which the participants look at the assets and liabilities in each partner and decide which is the best for what they have to offer.
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Who’s AvailableCensus Data – Who’s available• Who’s Not in Prison?• The Times interviewed parents Carl Harris and
Charlene Hamilton, whose daughters grew up without a father. Mr. Harris, a crack dealer who received a 20-year prison sentence at the age of 24, was forced to abandon his family when he was locked up.
http://rt.com/usa/incarceration-african-black-prison-606/
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Results of Men In Prison“Basically, I was locked up with him,” she told
the Times. “My mind was locked up. My life was locked up. Our daughters grew up without a father.”
“A man will have three mistresses, and they’ll each put up with it because there are no other men around,” Hamilton said. Epidemiologists believe the AIDS rate among African-Americans would be lower if the incarceration rate dropped.
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Theories of Mate SelectionSocial exchange theory—posits that
people will begin and remain in a relationship if the rewards are higher than the costs.
Equity theory—an intimate relationship is satisfying and stable if both partners see it as equitable and mutually beneficial.
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How We Evaluate a Relationship
Outcome Level – satisfaction based on rewards vs. costs.
Comparison Level – comparison with past relationships and other’s relationships
Comparison Alternative Level – comparison with next best option (dependency)
– OL + Clalt > CL = Happy and not dependent– OL > CL > Clalt = Happy but dependent– CL > OL > Clalt = Unhappy without alternatives
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Relationship ViolenceWhen would you say “I deserved that”
after someone to hit you?
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Relationship Violence• Survey of 200 teens, 46% said she
was responsible.
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Relationship Violence• Types of violence
• Physical• Emotional• Sexual
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Relationship Violence• May come from jealousy
• May appear as pattern of control• Controlling behaviors
• The narcissist
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Cycle of Abuse1. Honeymoon Phase
2. Tension Building Phase
3. Acting Out Phase
4. Honeymoon Phase
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