SKY COLLECTIVE We offer a strong mentorship program for dominants, males and females. Read here about our philosophy and the details of our program. Mentorship is for doms, dommes, female dominants in a FLR, other female or male heads of household, other family leaders such as in a poly household. All genders welcome. All cultures respected. Mentorship is offered for free as a contribution to our communities.

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(Edit: In the 1980’s,) As educational opportunities began to proliferate, with the spread of special weekend events around the country, the emphasis shifted from the spirit in which these sexualities are undertaken to an emphasis on the technical aspects — the mechanics, the “how-to” — of this or that activity.

Why? Simply because it’s not hard to teach technique. It’s much more difficult to impart the subtleties of connectedness; the value and delicacy of a successful launch to a scene; the means by which a scene can be developed and supported, by each of the players, to achieve and maintain the most sophisticated and refined satisfactions waiting in the wings for the summons of truly skilled and adept players. ---Guy Baldwin, Ties That Bind and Medium post 2014

Hello. Thank you for your interest in what I, Mistress Sky, have to teach. My background: street reporter after college to organizational development consultant (M.A.) to teaching at a college for a long, long time to relationship coach/alternative lifestyle counselor/author at present. I teach couples workshops and specialty topics such as scene building and negotiating in one’s personal relationships. I am a rope top and a recreational hypnotist. You may have read my book, Unequal Partnership, and/or my writings at fetlife.com (mistresssky), kinkweekly.com (Mistress Sky), Medium, The

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Wellness Universe, and on my websites, http://gatescounseling.com and http://aishaskygates.com.

My life has been richly blessed. I am comfortable, healthy, and able. I’ve been in the lifestyle for twelve years. My local and my New England kink communities stand behind me in my endeavors. This being the case, I want to share my knowledge and experience and my philosophy about dominance/submission.

My mentorship is always freely given to those who are serious about learning. [I ask that, on your own, you make a financial contribution to a charity or service that benefits girls and women.] I and those who are associated with my programs believe in service on both sides of the slash. It is my intention

• to strengthen our understanding of relationship dynamics throughout the kink world,

• to contribute to and influence understanding of power exchange dynamics in the therapeutic world,

• to teach my Unequal Partnership relationship model to individuals and couples and poly households as advocacy for a healthy, mindful, collaborative version of dominance/submission.

Love Needs a Strong Container Love is not enough. Alternative lifestyle choices can be a deliberate strategy for relationship sustainability and happiness. Unequal Partnership is a model for creating one type of alternative arrangement— a loving non-egalitarian relationship. The main focus of a leading partner is The Container.

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“Is the whole punishment thing necessary to keep control over my human property?”

“How much say is the other person entitled to about anything?”

“I want to be a good head of household but who can I turn to if I have questions?”

“If the relationship should have deliberate structure for its healthy future then how do I build that and based on what?”

Third, I believe that building a healthy relationship of any kind is predicated on

1. true consent at every moment plus 2. conditions that empower each and every

partner and 3. that support individual growth.

My Unequal Partnership model is only one of two collaborative or non-adversarial power exchange models that I am aware of at this time. See Raven Kaldera’s Building the Team (2015). There is no One Down position in Unequal Partnership. S-type partners are not less than; they are entitled to respect and consensual treatment. D-types are not gods or somehow entitled to rights at the expense—that is, the disempowerment--of their partners.

The Unequal Partnership model presents D-types as the leading partner whose main focus is on structural elements such as the direction and health of the relationship. All the big picture stuff is mostly their responsibility to monitor. S-types are the implementing partners whose main focus is implementation strategies toward the couple’s agreed upon goals. The Unequal partners create a synergy. Everyday decision making and short-term goal reaching take place within a larger context known as The Container. The Container comprises their flexible agreements that hold the partners in a healthy, sound relationship structure. In other words, the leading partner and implementing partner have given themselves a strong sense of security by living within the confines of their negotiated agreements. Doing so deepens their bond.#

This booklet outlines a one-year program with monthly meetings. My introductory text is intended to give you first impressions about my D/s (M/s) philosophy. You can decide for yourself if your own values are in alignment with my model.

First of all, my teachings bring each person to a higher level of self-awareness. How can you speak to your own needs if you are not having an on-going series of conversations with yourself about desires, preferences, and needs? Have you been mindful about your own reactions to people, places, things, and situations? Have you been mindful of your own emotions as you go about everyday life? This is all precious information about who you are and where you are at any time in your life. If you are serious about positive and sustainable outcomes in your personal relationships then knowledge of the self is where you must begin. It is a dominant’s business to stay on top of his/her Inner Life.

Secondly, I believe in deliberately, mindfully, collaboratively constructed relationship structure. There is no one way to do dominance/submission but there is mindful construction instead of the usual falling forward with someone on a wing and a prayer and lots of sexy, romantic feelings. Those initial yummy feelings are endorphins and other chemicals surging in the brain. That surge dissipates. It will not last. Are you most interested in New Relationship Energy, rinse and repeat or are you ready to focus on building a strong, healthy sustainable power exchange relationship?

Here are some of the questions that I am often asked about D/s (M/s) relationships:

“What about outside the bedroom? How do I make my decisions for the good of the relationship? Based on what? We have taught each other how to behave in the bed—I top and the other person knows their role as bottom—but when we are in the grocery store how is it decided who gets to have the cheerios with maple flavoring?” “Is it not domly for me to want the kid cereal?”

“Do I have to wear fetish clothing to make my point that I am the domme?”

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Who Should Apply for Sky Collective Mentorship?

Each year, I accept just one or two persons to mentor individually. I only accept persons who have an obvious compatibility with me. My name vouches for you and lends credibility to your own in all communities. So, only ethically-driven individuals who care about contributing to humanity and the planet are invited to apply.

⌘ Do you have to already be an experienced D/s or M/s person to join me? No.

⌘ Is this training actually a “how to be a dom(me) course” according to my model? Yes. However, all heads of household or potential HH’s of non-egalitarian relationships are welcome. FLR’s are recognized and appreciated. 1950’s Households that have been restructured toward true consent are possible. Labels are of your own making. You do not have to call yourself “dom,” “domme,” “mistress,” “lady,” or “master.” I will teach you how to be an excellent leading partner.

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Mastery of self means a commitment to your own personal development. Others will admire you

for it.

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Questions for you, the dominant, to consider:

What clues from my imagination and from my behavior suggest that I am dominant? Does my dominant behavior and positioning necessarily tell me that my truest nature is dominant or is that just my public persona?

In my personal life, what kinds of things and situations give me the most pleasure? When do I most feel like myself? How does pleasure lead me or help me to know what my True Self is? Does it also give me further clues for even deeper self-discovery?

When I consider the concept of “mastery of self” what do I presently know about aspects of my life that I would like to work on for more personal development?

Prior to training, what thoughts do I have about what I have to offer a s-type partner? What do I think of as my responsibilities

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toward the s-type partner? What do I expect to receive from the s-type partner in a relationship?

Do I already have intentions or an imagined picture of what my dominance looks like, feels like? What do I think that the power exchange will do for me?

THE READING LIST FOR DOMINANTS

The books will be assigned in an order specific to your unique learning agenda.

“Unequal Partnership slices like a stiletto to the essence of this erotic dynamic.” “Love needs a strong container and that’s the leader’s main focus.”

---book reviewers

1. Building the Team: cooperative power dynamic relationships, Raven Kaldera and Josh Tenpenny, Lulu.com, 2015.

2. Dear Raven and Josh: questions and answers about master/slave relationships, Lulu.com, 2013.

3. How to be a Happy and Healthy Submissive: A practical guide to making your fantasies come true, Kate Kinsey, Nevermore Press, 2014.

4. How to Start a Kinky Relationship, James Amoureaux, TantricLogic Group Publishing, 2011.

5. BDSM Mastery—relationships: a guide for creating mindful relationships for Dominants and submissives, Robert J. Rubel Ph.D., Red Eight Ball Press, Austin, 2014.

6. Master/slave Relations: handbook of theory and practice, Robert J. Rubel Ph.D., The Nazca Plains Corporation, Las Vegas, NV, 2006.

7. Mindset—the New Psychology of Success: how we can learn to fulfill our potential, Carol S. Dweck Ph.D., Ballantine Books, NY, 2006.

8. Mistakes were Made (but not by me): why we justify foolish beliefs, bad decisions, and hurtful acts, Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson, Harcourt, Orlando, FL, 2007.

9. Sexual Outsiders: understanding BDSM sexualities and communities, David M. Ortmann and Richard A. Sprott, Rowman & Littlefield Publishers, Lanham, Maryland, 2013.

10. Unequal Partnership: a dating guide for loving non-egalitarian relationships, Aisha-Sky Gates, Selenite Press, 2017.

11.Whale Done!: the power of positive relationships, Ken Blanchard, et al, The Free Press, NY, 2002.

12.Wired for Dating: how understanding neurobiology and attachment style can help you find your ideal mate, Stan Tatkin, New Harbinger Publications, Oakland, CA, 2016.

13.Wired for Love: how understanding your partner’s brain and attachment style can help you defuse conflict and build a secure relationship, New Harbinger Publications, Oakland, CA, 2011.

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Self-awareness and identity. What makes me ME and why? What do I want and need? What do I bring to a relationship? Why do I want a non-egalitarian relationship?

The Unequal Partnership relationship model. Unpacking the framework for your relationship(s).

The leading partner’s responsibilities and pleasures. What does every submissive need? How to be sure that you know what your implementing partner wants and needs. What to do with so much information. Leading partner self-care includes accepting help.

Dominance in the realities of a hierarchical relationship. See the Unequal Partnership work for you. Power and control on behalf of a healthy relationship is an honor and a source of great pleasure. Relating to the community.

Relationship problems, issues, challenges. Problem-solving. More situations and how to handle them. How to find even more resources for yourself.

The Mentorship Program for Dominants

If accepted then you would begin study with me, Mistress Sky, including readings and discussions and activities. Monthly evening visits are required for one year. Skype is possible. The last four months are given to skill building in a specialty topic of your choosing.

Leadership Are you a leading partner? We walk with integrity. We speak with compassion. We model what we believe in. We take responsibility for our own actions. We cooperate with our family members to create safe, healthy, and loving conditions that support individual growth. Others want to follow us because they feel confident about participating in our model of relationship. They feel drawn to a positive, loving structure. Each partner feels safe and feels empowered.

Sky Collective Western Massachusetts and remotely skyinstitutetraining.blogspot.com

Email: skyinstitutetraining@gmail.com

All text and images are copyrighted 2018 Selenite Press