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Dutch and UK news oddities from both sides of our cod-less pond

JUNE ISSUE 2012

HMS CADS REPORT

CADS Report publishes private, secret, and classified nonsense about the state of the UK and

the Netherlands from anonymous news sources.

Non compos mentis

All aboard! CADS Jubilee Lunch Cruise 2012.

Last chance to walk the plankNoon, Friday June 29.

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Oddly Enough News

Would you like a half-caf with yourgalaktoboureko supergirl?WORLDS LONGEST RELATIONSHIP

ENDS as giant tortoises Bibi and Poldi

split up after 115 years.Theres an

old sayingthat true

love lasts

forever,

but then

its rarely

tested as

extremely as it has been by a pair of Australian zoo

tortoises who have finally called it quits after 115

years.

Despite being inseparable for more than a century,

the animals are now feeling the strain and cant

even stand to be living in the same cage they have

shared for 36 years.

A Polish football fan was so devastated when

Russia scored against Poland at Tuesday's Euro2012 match that he threw his television set out

his third-storey window, police said Wednesday.

They took the man into custody, prompting him

to miss the second half of the game, when Poland

scored an equaliser, making the final score a 1-1

draw.

Poland fan chucks TV out window after Russia goal

Super-injunction makes a surprisingly late

appearance into the dictionary more than a year

after high-profile gagging orders hit headlines

between footballer Ryan Giggs and Welsh glamour

model Imogen Thomas. Half-caf, galaktoboureko

and supergirl, are among thousands of new

additions to the Oxford English Dictionary.

New words added to Oxford English Dictionary

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Oddly Enough News

Greek MP Sues The Female Rivals He AttackedPolice Release Photograph Of 'Forest Boy'

German police have

released a photo-

graph of the mysteri-

ous English-speaking

teenager dubbed the

"forest boy" whoclaims he has been

living wild for half a

decade. The boy has

no idea who he is. Interesting parallels have been

draw betweenAmsterdam teenagers of a similar age.

Cricket: 'Ponzi' Fraudster Stanford Facing 230

YearsIn June 2008, Sir Allen Stanford landed his helicop-

ter on the turf at Lord's with a box full of cash and

the world seemingly at his feet. Today he faces 230

years in the slammer. Prosecutors have described

the tycoon as a"ruthless predator" whose $7bn

(4.5bn) "Ponzi" scheme was among the biggest

frauds ever undertaken.

Arnhem kangaroo is capturedA kangeroo,which has been spotted on a bridge

near Arnhem for the past two weeks, was

captured on Thursday, news agency ANP said.

The animal apparently went too far after hurling

abuse at passing cyclists on the bridge.

The animal gave up the bridge later with little

resistance.

A Greek far-right MP

who slapped one left-

wing female politician in

the face and threw a

glass of water at another

during a live TV debateis taking legal action

against his victims. Ilias

Kasidiaris, spokesman for the Golden Dawn party,

who is himself on trial for alleged involvement in

a mugging, claims the two women insulted him

and is suing them for defamation.

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Final callfor all

passengers

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by

Chairm

ans

CornerJune Issue 2012

A sunny terrace from the crude storm of the everyday

Last month the hotel arranged for us to lunch outside on the ter-

race in front of the bar, which was great fun. It was sunny and

warm (remember what that is?), and Wout van der Toorn gave us

the low down on his new book. Last night we went to the IGC inAmsterdam for dinner and a tour of the club, courtesy of Benno

Pieters, and afterwards we occupied the Krasnapolsky bar to

watch Holland beat Germany. But it was not to be. jammer!

Burning undesirables

The Eurozone leaders continue to chat whilst Europe burns. The

Dutch coalition has meanwhile given up on government, and is

taking the summer off. Unfortunately the same cannot be said of

the Dutch tax office, which is as busy as ever!

Leaking gutterThe tragic farce of David Cameron and the gutter press drags on,

with daily appearances in front of Lord The Beak Justice Leve-

son, and Nick Clegg thumbing his nose up politely at coalition part-

ners, i.e. instructing his party to abstain, but not vote for, the La-

bour motion to refer Camerons minister and former Eton roomie

Jeremy Hunt to the parliamentary standards authority.

WATERS

Its official:

SUMMER is a JOKE!

On the CADS website you

find the progress of the

Dutch summer, courtesy of

Alison Smith and

John Richardson.

There are eight days before

it starts, so improvement

is expected!

I never drink water,

fish copulate in it

And in London a water pipe

broke, resulting in all public

transport grinding to a halt,

storms over the whole ofEngland, and houses flooded

as far away as Eastbourne

it would never happen in The

Netherlands would it?

Hello sailors!The CADS Jubilee Boat Trip is this month. Make

your ticket reservations now. Seats are filling upfast, and last reservations need to be with myself or

Allan Poot by the 21st. Let us know ASAP whether

you are coming and if you will bring a guest.

Me and my mate NOTW

Apparently Cameron thinks i t OK for a minis -

ter to be chummy with News International

when they are bidding for additional chunks

of the British media. But then he would, given

his exceeding close personal relationship to

the dreadful Rebekah (LOL).

The Underpant Man returns to the rescue

Meanwhile, John Major disclosed that Rupert

Murdoch asked him to change British policy

on Europe, or else. Major refused, all the

News International media changed sides to

support Labour, and we got Tony Blair for a

decade. Earlier, Murdoch told the inquiry thathe never asked for anything from a politician,

and that his editors are independent. So Mur-

dochs a liar then. Lets see if he gets ar-

rested for perjury sometime soon.