Anticipating Anticipating Anticipating Anticipating

Mother’s DayMother’s DayMother’s DayMother’s Day

Before we lost our children to death, Mother’s Day

was a happy time. We each reflect back on Mother’s Days past…...gifts, cards, special memories and one day set aside to acknowledge the best in our relationship with our treasured children.

With the death of our child, this dynamic was forever transfigured. Now, instead of looking forward to this day, we grasp at anything that will keep our minds away from it. Yet the anxiety still creeps into our minds and hearts; our stomachs churn and tears fill our eyes at the most inopportune moments. The dreadful countdown begins in late April and lasts for nearly three weeks.

This is the fifth Mother’s Day I have endured since the death of my son. Each year I have the same, desperate anxiety, yet each year the day is a bit easier to handle. Each year the anticipation is far worse than the day itself…. “borrowing trouble” as my dad would say. Since my son is my only child, I do not have the comfort of other children nor do I have the need to put on a happy face. Instead, I am able to choose what I will do without feeling the burden of guilt.

While my first Mother’s Day was filled with tears, subsequent Mother’s Days have been more subdued.

The choice to embrace or ignore Mother’s Day is yours alone. Many bereaved mothers adopt a new perspective which honors their child and still gives normalcy to their family. Mother’s Day is bittersweet for us. The pain is part of the love that we will feel for our children for eternity. We wouldn’t trade one treasured moment for a cosmic reduction of our pain.

Some of us plan the day carefully. Some of us just “go with the flow.” Some of us weep; some of us work. Some of us read, some of us revel in this special moment set aside just for mothers. Each of us makes a choice that is based on our own truth.

The day itself is not nearly as overwhelming as the buildup of anxiety and sadness which precedes it. I have found this to be true of all holidays, birthdays, death anniversaries and special occasions. I am trying to live in the moment. When the moment of Mother’s Day happens, I will decide what I should do. I refuse to let others pressure me. I refuse to become maudlin over greeting card commercials and heart-grabbing point-of-purchase marketing efforts. I will not be manipulated by the agenda of others.

But on Mother’s Day, as on each day of the year, I will think of my son, remembering the child he was and the man he became. I will honor his life by doing the best I can with what is left of my life. I will remain in the moment and treasure my memories. And for this mother, that is enough.

~Annette Mennen Baldwin In memory of my son, Todd Mennen

TCF, Katy, TX

A Mother’sA Mother’sA Mother’sA Mother’s

LoveLoveLoveLove A mother’s love for her child may begin

with the very dream of becoming a mother... A mother’s love for her child may begin

with the thought of maybe expecting the news... A mother’s love for her child may begin with the verification of her expectations... A mother’s love for her child may begin

with the affirmation that the child lives within her... A mother’s love for her child may begin with her first sight of the new life that she has delivered into the world...

A mother’s love for her child may begin... But it may never end...

Not even death can steal away a mother’s love for her child

A mother’s love for her child knows no end!

Diana M. Rohrbaugh TCF Anne Arundel County, MD

In the Heavens above, the Angels whispering to one another, can find, amid their burning terms

of love, none so devotional as “Mother”.

~Edgar Allen Poe

Meeting Topics & Info

May 7 - “The Metamorphosis of a Bereaved Mother”- changing and emerging from the cocoon.

May 31- Balloon Release/Family Picnic (See Below) June 4 - “Your Child Will Always Be The Light In Your Heart” In honor of Father’s Day we will be having a separate men’s sharing group.

Welcome New Members

Attending your first meeting takes courage and it is always hard to say “welcome” because we are so very sorry for the reason which made you eligible for our membership in TCF. However, we are glad you found us! We cannot take away your pain but we can offer our friendship and support, Do try and to attend at least 3 meetings so you have a chance to meet others who are bereaved and discover that special acceptance that occurs with new friends who truly understand. New to our chapter are: Linda Stout, Mother of Reese Gena Duke, Mother of Ronald

Balloon Release Family Picnic

Sunday, May 31

Our annual Balloon Release/Family Picnic will be held on Sunday, May 31 at the Canyon Country Park located at 17615 Soledad (behind and below the baseball fields) beginning at 2:30pm. All members of TCF as well as family members & friends are invited to participate! This family event includes a few songs, poems, and the release of balloons in memory of our children, siblings and grandchildren. Of course, who can’t forget the wonderful food and friendship. Our chapter will be providing the main course, paper goods, dessert and balloons. All you need to bring is a side dish to share and your own drinks. You also might want to bring a blanket or chairs for sitting! If you have any lawn games that you like to play, bring them for some extra fun! YOU MUST RSVP to Diane Briones at 252-4654 or Alice Renolds 252-4374 or email our chapter at TCF.SCV@gmail.com by May 22, SO THAT WE WILL HAVE ENOUGH BALLOONS AND FOOD FOR EVERYONE! PLEASE TRY TO ARRIVE ON TIME, we would like to start eating by 3:00.

Thanks, The Steering Committee

Whether or not you can participate in TCF’s Walk to Remember on July 12th in Dallas, you still have the opportunity to create a website in memory of YOUR special child and help fund programs for our very own chapter, The Compassionate Friends of Santa Clarita and raise important funds to help bereaved families throughout our area. You can do this by joining hundreds of others in TCF’s popular Walk To Remember “Friends Asking Friends” fundraiser Once you have created your memorial website, ask your friends, relatives, business acquaintances by email and other means to support you and TCF through donations. Our chapter has already set up a team website and our team name is: TCF of Santa Clarita Valley. You will be getting an email or letter shortly explaining this program. For more information or to sign up, please go to http://www.tcfwalktoremember.org

Please join our team, TCF of Santa Clarita Valley!

Remember, “Together We Can Make

a Difference!

The Butterfly

As love falls down from the sky, It lands on the wings of a butterfly.

The butterfly sings its songs and rhymes And flies through the air,

No concept of time. It is the messenger of patience and change,

From flower to flower, it’s odd, and it’s strange. The butterfly can transform its world,

And give way to new beginnings, unfurled. It is the keeper of transformation, And flies on faith and imagination. The butterfly has no fear of change,

It bravely escapes it’s homemade cage. To change, it knows is necessary,

For all the burdens we need not carry, The butterfly soars and merrily sings,

For without change, It could never grow wings.

~unknown

troubles and fewer imaginary ones." But it's OK—I like myself better that way. And I am returning to embrace life each day again. But this time I am following my heart instead of my expected career. I am taking more chances, climbing more unfamiliar mountains, and picking daisies in huge handfuls. Mark would want it so.

~Rich Edler

TCF South Bay, CA In Memory of my son Mark Edler

Daisies in Huge Handfuls

"Pick more daisies" was the most popular expression in our family. I picked it up from a magazine article about a 94 year old lady in Kentucky who, when asked what she would do differently if she had her life to live over, responded "l would take more chances; I would eat more ice cream and less beans; I would have more real troubles but fewer imaginary ones; I would climb more mountains; I would swim more rivers, and I would pick more daisies." Our son, Mark, seized the daisy expression as the theme both for his life and his entrance exam essay at UCLA. It helped him live his brief 18 years; his essay helped him get an academic scholarship. Daisies became our family flower. They marked our attitude about living. And they marked our son's memorial service. After it was over, his friends and fraternity brothers each threw a daisy into the ocean. Daisies still mark his grave every week. It has taken me almost two years to return to really thinking about daisies and what that quote by a 94-year-old lady really means. During that time I made a pretty big mess of things. I did the best I could, but I was often going through the motions outside, but empty inside. To me, what this quote means is we really do have to pull ourselves together again and go on. Dr. Charles Heuser, a former pastor at our church, notes "going through the steps of grief is like walking through the valley and shadow of death. Keep walking, but don't camp there." Our children would not want us to "camp there," but to go pick more daisies—to somehow live an even more meaningful life in their name. As I go on I am truly a different person. I don't suffer fools or superficiality very well any more. As one of my best friends said..."I get tired of beige people." Yet, I will drop everything to help another bereaved parent. I certainly have more "real

Was Received From:

Elaine Bottoms

In Loving Memory of her son:

Daniel McAlpine 6/27 - 8/29

Love GiftsLove GiftsLove GiftsLove Gifts A Love Gift is a wonderful way to remember your child, grandchild, or sibling’s birthday or angel dates or just to say I love you. What better way than to have their photo included in our newsletter along with a special memory, thought or message, article or poem from you. If anyone would like to make a donation in memory of their child, grandchild, or sibling you may give it to Alice or Diane at our meeting or mail it to Alice at 27949 Park Meadow Dr., Canyon Country, 91387. You can also email the info to TCF.SCV@gmail.com Love gifts should be received by the 15th of the month to be placed in the following month’s newsletter. What a special way to share and remember your loved one! Our chapter exists solely on voluntary, tax deductible donations. We thank you in advance for any donations you may be able to give or send. Your donations help to pay the expenses of our newsletter, purchase books & brochures, coffee & refreshments, new member’s packets, our rental space and other miscellaneous supplies. They also fund our annual Balloon Release and Candle Lighting programs. We sincerely appreciate your support!

In Remembrance of John

One bright day he went off to war

My precious first born son, To battle in an alien land

In a war that would never be won. As he waved goodbye on that fateful day, He looked so young to be leaving home,

Younger than his nineteen years. The months passed slowly, week by week,

The news was ever grim. Despite my prayer, the fear was there

At the thought of losing him. Then, one sad day, it came to pass

The knock upon the door. My dear, brave boy—the one I loved

Would be with me no more. He died heroically, I’m told, A good soldier to the end.

He never lost his faith in God And to all he was a friend.

Now his name is engraved on that famous wall For any and all to see.

But, in my aching heart I wish That he was here with me.

~Susan Herndon Bereaved Parents of the USA Marion County Chapter, Fl

www.bereavedparentsusa.org

Telephone Friends/Loving Listener Whether you are newly bereaved or further along in your grief; when you are feeling down, overwhelmed, have questions or maybe just need another bereaved parent to talk to. The following volunteers are there for you to call: Diane Briones 661-252-465

Alice Renolds 661-252-4374 Laura Erdmann 661-310-8835 Carol Costin 661-670-0395

Grief walks with you today, your constant companion.

But in the morning, tomorrow, the sunrise of hope waits for you.

~Sascha