my biggest fearwasn’t always my biggest fear

i used to be just like youyoung and fearless

ok, maybe not that fearless

(i’m not really a cat person to begin with)

but i was no scaredy cat

as a kid, i was never afraid of those silly things

like clowns

being away from my parentsmonsters under my bed

the dark

yet somehow as a freshman in high schooli managed to pick up a fear even sillier than all the rest

not spidersnot heightsnot dyingnot going stag to prom

i know my fear is irrational, i really do

katie and i have a fear of squirrels

yes, squirrels

i googled ‘cute squirrel’ and this image came up

(this image terrifies me)

in fact, i see little reason why the words ‘cute’ and ‘squirrel’ should ever be used in the same sentence .

i don’t care how big it smiles

or how tiny and pink it is

onebecause in my mind there is only one squirrel

we were introduced

one morning as i was getting ready for school

without warningor invitation

there he was

arms spread widecaught in my window screen

i made it to the bus stopa whoppingone hour early

when our eyes met, i screamed and ran faster than i’d ever run before

it was the scariest 10 seconds of my life

you may not believe me

but you didn’t see his stare

his beady little stare

if you didwe’d be starting a club this very minute:

the squirrely scarediesthe he-man squirrel afraiders clubnon-nutty squirrel haterade drinkers

(ok ok we’ll work out the name later)

and my biggest fear would be your biggest fear too