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BoredomBurnoutThe two sides of a coin
and
ISSN 2277 – 5153 VOL X ISSUE 4 FEBRUARY 2016 `100 PAGES 102
COMPLETE WELLBEING
B o d y , m i n d a n d b e y o n dThe dangers of sitting too much ...p36
Help your teenagerthrive ...p53
Confessions of an army wife ...p76
Hidden meaning behind your dreams ...p83
p22
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infinitemanoj
ManojKhatri
Manoj Khatri
Stimulating ideas
No ma er how good you are at your job and how much you enjoy doing something,a er a while you will get bored of doing the same thing over andover again
Editor’s insights
bhishek Sohni looked stressed out. He had con� ded in his counsellor
Ravi Mazumdar that lately he just couldn’t get himself to focus on his
work. Abhishek loved to work; he was the driven type who regularly
went beyond the call of his duty. Over the years, he had become known
for his work ethic: the guy who never complained about excess work. Not
surprisingly he had risen up the ranks quite early in his career.
How could someone like Abhishek suddenly lose all interest in his job? At � rst
Ravi thought it was a case of exhaustion. A er all, that is what his symptoms—
lethargy, lack of focus and a general disinterest at work—pointed to. But digging
deeper he discovered that the cause of Abhishek’s increasing sense of dissatisfaction
was not excessive stress but the lack of it. The work that once challenged him now
made him weary. He no longer derived any sense of satisfaction from his job,
so much so that he had started thinking of retirement although he was only 44.
Abhishek was su ering from a di erent kind of burnout, a phenomenon that results
from boredom and lack of eustress or bene� cial stress.
We tend to associate the term “burnout” with too much work-related stress. But
this is a limited view of a much broader phenomenon. In this issue’s cover story,
Dr Steven Berglas tells us the other side of the burnout story—when lack of enough
stress and paucity of challenges leads to extended boredom which, in turn, causes
burnout. According to him, no ma er how good you are at your job and how much
you enjoy doing something, a er a while you will get bored of doing the same thing
over and over again.
Giving examples of athletes who compete against top competitors, salespeople
who exceed quotas, and managers who beat deadlines, he says, “Humans are
innately challenge-hungry organisms who are rewarded [at a neurological level] by
doing something ‘be er’ every day… however, should an Olympic-calibre athlete
compete against a high school student in his preferred sport, or a salesman reach his
annual quota in a few months simply by � ling orders from repeat customers, neither
individual will derive eustress.”
One could say that true happiness and bliss result from good stress, which absorbs
our a ention thoroughly and makes us feel worthy. On the other hand, not being
challenged enough is bound to make your feel disengaged, causing boredom which
ultimately leads to burnout. He calls such burnout Supernova Burnout.
While explaining the concept of Supernova Burnout in detail, Dr Berglas o ers
a few unique techniques to address it, should you face such a problem in your life.
Use these techniques to keep boredom in check while � nding new ways to keep your
work stimulating and challenging. Because, monotony isn’t good for your wellbeing.
manoj.khatri@completewellbeing.com
COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL X ISSUE 04 FEBRUARY 2016 03
EDITOR & PUBLISHER | Manoj Khatri
EXECUTIVEEDITOR | Dr Grazilia Almeida-Khatri
EDITORIALASSISTANT | Mitali Meelan
ASSISTANT ART DIRECTOR | Amit Amdekar
SR GRAPHIC DESIGNER | Mukesh Patel
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502, A wing, Sagar Tech Plaza,Saki Naka Junction, Andheri-Kurla Road,Mumbai 400072. Tel/Fax: 022-6742 0900Editor: Manoj Khatri
© CompleteWellbeing Publishing Pvt Ltd.,All rights reserved. Reproduction, in part or inwhole, in print, electronic or any other form,is strictly prohibited.
DISCLAIMER | Complete Wellbeing is
dedicated to providing useful, well-researched
information on holistic health/wellbeing, but its
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advice/diagnosis for individual problems or
circumstances, or implied to be a substitute for
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The views expressed by writers are their own and
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Complete Wellbeing is not responsible foradvertising claims.
Vol X Issue 04 FEB 2016
www.completewellbeing.comRNINo.MAHENG/2006/21415
/CompleteWellbeing /StayWell
CO S
Boredom And BurnoutThe two sides of a coin
Burnout is not necessarily caused by excessive stress. On the contrary, it
is often the result of boredom due to a paucity of challenges that test your
mettle. According to research, work that has stopped engaging you can be
harmful to your wellbeing. But it is possible to insulate yourself from the
phenomenon that affects millions of unsuspecting executives
By Steven Berglas
24 | Trending this month
of
COMPLETE WELLBEING
Body, mind and beyond
04 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
34 | career & workplaceHow to be an authentic leaderAuthentic leadership endures
because it exists as a function of
the individual rather than a crowd
of borrowed opinions
By Brian Tracy and Azim Jamal
36 | exerciseSit at your own riskProlonged sitting is linked to many
serious health concerns including
diabetes and heart disease
By Kiran Shete
40 | skincareRegain your glowOur skin loses its sheen due to
many factors. Here are some things
you can do to restore its lost glory
By Sudhakar Grandhi
45 | food & nutritionPapaya pleasuresPapaya can be cooked in
interesting ways too. We share four
must try healthy recipes that will
call out to your taste buds.
By Anjana Devasahayam
50 | parentingNo child’s playWhile playschools are an important
phase in your toddler’s growth
and development, choosing the
right one needs some serious
consideration
By Sidharth Balachandran
53 | parenting7 Ways to help your teenagerthrive and surviveA counsellor and author shows you
how to navigate the tricky waters of
your child’s teenage years
By Phoebe Hutchison
56| relationshipsThe Aikido of communicationWhere are your communication
difficulties? Do you find yourself
accommodating too often, shutting
down, taking another’s comments
personally or being overly
competitive or argumentative?
By Judy Ringer
60 | marriage & intimacyLife with an AS partnerMarriages where one partner
has Asperger Syndrome can be
painful and challenging, but help is
available
By Eva Mendes
FEATURED THIS MONTH
Kiran Shete,MS [Ortho],
DNB, F.ASIF
[Swiss],
MNAMS,
PGPM [ISB], is the founder and
medical director of Pune-based
Spinalogy Clinic.
36
40
AnamikaNandedkaris a journalist
and creator
of the blog
acuriousarmywife.wordpress.com.
Being married to an Army
o cer, she is fully enjoying
her nomadic life, which is a
“shaken and stirred” cocktail of
adventure and anxiety.
76
TheresaCheungis the best-
selling author
of The Element
Encyclopaedia of 20,000 Dreams
[Harper Collins] and Sunday
Times best-selling author of
An Angel Healed Me [Simon
and Schuster]
www.theresacheung.com
83
AzimJamal is aninternational
best-selling
author, highly
sought-a er motivational
speaker, author and coach.
His dynamic and inspiring
Corporate Su� message has
been heard by over one million
people around the world and
his work has been recognised
by Deepak Chopra, Wayne
Dyer, Jack Can�eld and Ken
Blanchard.
34
06 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
36
REGULARS
10| Events
12| Talkback
14| Happy happenings
20| Write notes
76| Confession Booth
93| Month freshener
98| New kits on the block
100| Re� ections
63 | mind & emotionsShould you broadcast yourlife online?At this very moment, as you read
this, millions of people have just
shared some minute detail about
their life with millions of others.
Every second of every day there
are Tweets, Facebook updates,
Instagram images and a host of
other social media activities that
document our daily lives. But is all
this constant updating healthy?
By Graham Jones
66 | self-helpMood Is your choiceHow to find lasting happiness by
choosing your emotional response
to any event
By Sarah Williams
68 | self-helpIt pays to playFind out how play can enrich all the
dimensions of your life
By Marianne St Clair
72 | consciousnessThe unknowable selfThe deepest mystery of existence is
the phenomenon of knowledge
By Osho
79 | yogaYoga for PCOSDid you know that besides affecting
fertility, PCOS increases the risk
of heart attack, diabetes, stroke,
anxiety disorder, depression and
uterine cancer? Fortunately, PCOS
can be cured with the help of yoga
and lifestyle changes
By Shammi Gupta
83 | sleepWhat are you dreaming of?Presenting the nine most common
dreams and what they are trying to
tell you
By Theresa Cheung
86 | Q & A on healthEpilepsy explainedA neurologist explains the brain
disorder that causes seizures
and offers useful advice regarding
the same
By Anil Venkitachalam
88 | living spacesNeat and chilledAn efficiently arranged refrigerator
can help you save time, plan your
grocery shopping better and is
pleasing to the eyes
By Nithya Govindarajan
90 | travelVoluntourism:Travel with a causeWhen you choose voluntourism,
you not only enrich your life but
also the world at large
By Shraddha Gupta
94 | travelA sojourn to SAPAExplore a breathtaking hill station
in Vietnam and experience the
culture of an authentic hill tribe
By Archana Singh
66 83
08 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
Events this month
» Frozen river trek in Ladakh
This is a challenging frozen river
trek over Zanskar River. This trek is
popularly known as “The Chadar
Trek.” This river is located about 50km
from Leh. You will travel by vehicle to
the highway junction of Zanskar river
and then trek over the frozen river.
For six days, you will travel up and
the next six days you travel down the
river. Experience living in caves, facing
temperatures as low as –100 C or –150 C.
Though this trek does not have much
altitude gain as compared to other treks,
it is a test for your mind control over
your body.
When: 12th – 20th Feb and
19th – 27th Feb, 2016
Where: Ladakh
Fees: `25,000
Contact: 7774037070 / events@trekdi.com
» Under The Peepal Tree festival for dad and child
This is a unique and � rst-of-its-kind event for kids and their dads. Kids
aged one to eight years can spend outdoor fun time learning and bonding
with their fathers. The activities will kindle their interest and intelligence
and develop trust and con� dence in them. The father-kid duo will get to
spend an entire day outdoors in nature; they will participate in multiple
activities that are aimed at stimulating all the nine intelligences. Some of
these include “relive the story”, “theatre workshop”, “pretend play” and
“grassroots games”.
When: 20th – 21st Feb, 2016 [10am – 4pm]
Where:Maharashtra Nature Park, Bandra Sion Link Road, Mumbai
Fees: `800 [one adult, one kid]; Extra kid: `650; Extra adult: `150
Contact: 9819554496 / 9820487124 / groomingbabies@gmail.com
» Kala Ghoda Art Festival
The 17th edition of the nine-day annual festival that celebrates music,
dance, theatre, photography, literature, food, cinema, architecture and
design, all under one roof, is back. The festival will include heritage
walks, street food stalls, books with amazing discounts, literature and
other workshops, visual arts, a dedicated section for children and stalls
selling eco-friendly, handmade art and cra wares. It is also known for
showcasing giant art forms using recycled material. People from all over
the country and overseas are a racted to this nine-day event celebrating
Indian culture and art.
When: 6th – 14th Feb, 2016
Where: CST, Mumbai
Fees:No entry fee
10 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
» One week workshop on Kalaripayattu
This workshop will focus on functional training,
locomotion workouts, basic body movements and body
postures of Kalaripaya u, including bhaav [expression].
Kalaripaya u, like any other martial art, synchronises the
physical and mental energy, ultimately producing a body
that is spontaneous, yet full of aesthetic expression. The
trainer, Vipin Lagarto Kazhipurath, is an accomplished
and commi ed martial artist with 12 years of experience.
When: 14th – 19th Feb, 2016
Where: Andheri, Mumbai
Fees: `3,000 before 10th Feb and `4,500 a er 10th Feb
Contact: 9930029265
Complete Wellbeing is not associated with any events listed here unless otherwise stated. This information is provided only on an as-is basis;
interested readers may verify the information directly with the event organisers.
To have your event listed on this page, email us on listings@completewellbeing.com. Complete Wellbeing reserves the right to refuse
publishing information about an event, without providing any reason whatsoever.
» AHA! Little Cloud Story Telling Sessions
Let your child celebrate every
February weekend this year
listening to India’s rich folk takes.
Ranga Shankara presents Li le
Cloud Storytelling sessions for kids
between 4 – 6 years of age. The
sessions will be held for an hour
every Saturday and Sunday where
di erent storytellers will read
out famous Kannada, Hindi and
English stories including Freebie,
Truth Prevails, Aaina, From Father
to Daughter, For Be er or for
Worse, Munasib Batwara and many
more. Reserving seats is mandatory.
When: 2nd – 24th Feb, 2016; every
Saturday and Sunday
[10 – 11am]
Where: Ranga Shankara,
J P Nagar, Bengaluru
Fees: `50 per child, per session
Contact: aha@rangashankara.org
» 7-day intensive workshop on Mural Painting
Explore the magic and freedom of turning a poem into a painting under the
guidance of noted mural artist, Shri Sasi Edavarad. The focus of the workshop
will be: be er understanding of ancient paintings; learning to draw the human
body, other shapes and forms using traditional measurements; learning dhyana
shlokas and their usage; painting and colouring the mural way; and meditation.
The cost is inclusive of material and food. Your paintings will be exhibited on
the last day of the workshop and you get to take home a � nished piece of work
that you made with your own hands!
When: 21st – 27th Feb, 2016
Where: Visthar, Hennur, Bengaluru
Fees: `12,000 including food, accommodation, materials and course
Contact: 9447114482 / 8156895207 / saranghills@gmail.com
» Jash-e-Rekhta 2016: Urdu Festival
Jashn-e-Rekhta, a � rst-of-its-kind Urdu festival held in
India, made its debut in 2015. The second edition is being
held in the heart of New Delhi. The festival will celebrate
the quintessential spirit of Urdu, its creative richness and
linguistic heritage through Mushaira, Qawwali, dastangoi,
drama, discussions, dance, ghazals and more. For three
mesmeric days, some of the Urdu’s � nest poets, authors
and artists will come together to bring alive Urdu’s
lyrical beauty and resonating eloquence through live
performances, panel discussions and interactive sessions.
Check h p://jashnerekhta.org/ for the schedule.
When: 12th – 14th Feb, 2016
Where: IGNCA, New Delhi
Fees:No entry fee but registration is mandatory
Contact: 9999341607 / taruna@rekhta.org
COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL X ISSUE 04 FEBRUARY 2016 11
Talkbackletters and comments from readers
CONTACT US
Send us your experiences, ideas, opinions, comments and suggestions. Write to
us at editorial@completewellbeing.comOr post your comments on
www.completewellbeing.com
lucid manner. There are articles that
pertain to all aspects of health and
not just the physical.
The magazine, with its simple
language, is great for leisurely
reading for both patients and
professionals. It is highly
recommended by me!— Dr Avinash De Sousa, Mumbai
Few things I lovedI gifted a copy of The “I’ve no time
to cook” book [seen in your Jan ’16
issue] to my daughter who is living
alone in a different city. She has just
started to cook with the help of this
book. The cover story featured in
January issue was very inspiring with
funny, uplifting stories. Also, I always
make it a point to buy and read the
books that are reviewed in the Write
Notes section.
— Neelam Ramani, Madurai
Highly recommended magazineI wish to mention that I have been
an avid reader and subscriber of
Complete Wellbeing magazine. I
eagerly look forward to receiving
the issue every month. The topics
covered are very relevant and
useful in the day-to-day life for the
commoners.
The hallmark of the magazine
is the fact that the articles while
scientific are written in simple
language and are easy to understand.
Issues that are otherwise
technical are handled in a clear and
Topics that are relatable I’m a subscriber and I religiously read
this magazine every month. I liked
Sidharth Balachandran’s article “6
lessons from a toddler”; I think he is
amazing with words. I am a mom to a
five-year-old. Whenever I take my kid
to the playground, I witness all that
he has mentioned in the article—only
he has put everything I feel in better
words. I look forward to reading more
articles from him.— Smita Deshmukh, Dehradun
Getting over my insecurities I have not come across a magazine
like yours, in India at least, that cov-
ers such important issues which we
all face in our day-to-day life. I didn’t
realise I had imposter syndrome until
I read about it in your magazine. In
fact, I did not even know that such a
condition exists and I am sure I am
not the only one who feels this way.
I have done very well in my job and
surpassed my colleagues too, who
had joined around the same time as
me. I would often feel guilty about
this and think it happened by chance.
But now I know half the world popu-
lation has experienced similar guilt
trips and I don’t feel alone. — Rekha Bose, Surat
12 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
Happy happenings
A FAMILY FROM PHOENIX had less than 10 min-
utes to board a connecting �ight between Phoenix
and Tennessee. Their �ight at Phoenix Sky Harbor
International airport was delayed by an hour and
a half, which limited their time at Minneapolis to
catch the next �ight. Tragically, that was the last
�ight from Minneapolis airport that day.
As they reached the airport, they found that the
plane was already taxiing towards the runway and
there was nothing they could do.
“I was just crying. I couldn’t believe we were
gonna miss that �ight,” said Nicole Short-Wibel
to Fox10 later. Nicole’s brother was screaming
through the glass, trying to signal the pilot, while
their mother, Mrs Short and her daughter were in
tears.
They were headed to a end their father’s fu-
neral. Their father, Jay Short, had just succumbed
to cancer and his burial was to take place the next
morning, in their hometown.
Miraculously, the pilot Adam Cohen, saw the
desperate man waving at him. When he learnt
about their plight, he took a turn on the runway,
something that is unheard of, and let them in.
Thanks to this pilot of Delta Airlines, the family
could reach their father in time for a last farewell.
“We were very, very thankful to those pilots,”
said Nicole.
Pilot turns the taxied plane back for a distressed family
AT MORRISON’S MCDONALDS, Alex Fisch-
bach saw Sergeant George Depuy walk a
homeless man from his car into McDonalds.
The oi cer told the man it was a good place
to stay warm in the chilling winter and ex-
plained the situation to the employee at the
counter, who was happy to let him in.
The oi cer then handed some money to
the man. When the man tried to refuse, the
oi cer said, “I’m not asking you to take it, I’m
telling you to take it.” And with that, he left.
Alex was touched by his utterly sell ess
gesture—a law enforcer who did not look
for any recognition. He quickly clicked an
in-action picture of the two when they shook
hands and shared the story on his Facebook
timeline.
The story instantly went viral, with chan-
nels and newspapers reaching out to Alex for
interviews. But according to Alex’s updated
post, “Oicer Depuy declined an interview
[with KWQC 6] because he said he was just
doing his job.”
A few days later, the homeless man ended
up at Open Bible Church in Rock Falls, IL from
where he was taken to a homeless shelter in
Sterling. The pastor at the church recognised
him, as he was wearing the same coat as he
had been, in the shared picture.
Officer’s kindness helps an 82-year-old homeless man i nd a home
14 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
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COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL X ISSUE 04 FEBRUARY 2016 15
THE UGLY INDIAN is an anonymous group of people
with a simple mo o, Kaam Chalu Mooh Bandh [Only
work, no talk]. Their sole purpose is to clean up Indian
cities through “Spot-�xing”. The group chooses small
segments of road or pavements to clean and repair.
They have, till date, transformed over 250 places.
Their latest target in the New Year was to paint
and transform 22 pillars, covered with promotional
posters, �lth and dirt, under the Bhadrappa Layout
�yover, in Bengaluru. The team of BBMP welcomed
over a hundred enthusiastic citizens [The Ugly
Indian team, residents and volunteers] and together
they painted the 22 pillars in two days. The citizens
contributed their time, e orts and the cost for
materials to this self-funded cause. The initiative
saw kids as well as senior citizens coming forward to
participate.
The multi-coloured 3D pyramid designs are not only
a ractive, but they easily discourage illegal advertisers
from using the pillars as a means of marketing.
Visit their website www.theuglyindian.com for more
information.
Group of peoplepaint giant UnderFlyover pillars,transforms city
INSTEAD OF HOSTING LAVISH feasts and splurging on celebrations, a
22-year-old MCA girl, Nishadbanu Vajifdhar, decided to put the money
that was set aside for her wedding to good use. On her wedding day,
she decided to honour all the teachers responsible for her education.
She presented each of them with a shawl and a souvenir and she also
felicitated the students who completed their higher education, to
spread awareness about the importance of education.
Setting an example for a lot of young girls in her village, she told TOI,
“In our village, the level of education is very low. My father too wants
everyone to be properly educated. So, I decided to spend the money
on felicitating those who taught me from nursery to MCA. We will also
donate money to institutions that made me an educated human being.”
She is the daughter of a farmer and resides at Haldharu village. She
had the complete support of her in-laws and family in this endeavour
and they donated `10 lakhs to Nishad’s school. In all, 75 retired teach-
ers and a number of bright students who shared a similar passion for
education were felicitated at the unusual wedding ceremony.
Girl celebrates her wedding byspreading awareness about education
Two young medicalinterns save a man declareddead by the public MEDICAL INTERNS FAIZAH ANJUM and
Savitri Devi were returning home in
Hyderabad when they noticed a crowd
around a road accident victim. The
spectators declared the man dead and
clicked pictures while looking on.
But the two girls quickly got down
to helping him. They did not carry
instruments, so they used a pen to
keep his tongue out and a rolled-up
newspaper to blow air into his lungs.
They also gave him chest compressions.
They sustained his life for 25 minutes
until an ambulance arrived that gave
the victim necessary i rst aid and rushed
him to the hospital. The man was saved
thanks to the e� orts of these two
doctors in the making.
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Happy happenings
16 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
Distraught waitress gets a hefty tip and kind message from a generous customerWHEN A GRIEVING HEATHER SCHELSTEDER, a
waitress at Cheddar’s Scratch Kitchen, started
chatting with the customer at table 43, she learned
that the woman she was chatting with was a
criminal psychologist who dealt with the sorrow and
struggles of other people almost daily. “She mostly
meets with people for juries, but said that she was
also going to interview people that come back from
the war [who had] PTSD,” Schelsteder said. “She said
they come back, and it’s really hard for her, because
her brother was killed over in a war.”
Their conversation veered towards Heather’s
grandmother whom she lost in November last year.
Since then, Heather had been struggling to move on.
Both teary-eyed by then, they just kept talking
until the next customer came in and the woman
had to leave. But before leaving, she left behind a
$100 tip for a $27 meal. Along with that, she also
left a heartfelt note for Heather that read, “Have an
amazing new year. It gets better.”
“She made me realise there are still people out
there that do care. Thank you. I didn’t get to thank
her,” said a crying Schelsteder later in a HumanKind
video.
An act of kindness makes this Target cashier a heroSARAH OWEN BIGLER, an Indianapolis woman, had
planned on a quick stop at Target, before heading home with
her children. When she reached the check-out counter—with
only an old woman ahead of her at the cashier desk—she
started to arrange the items in her cart at the conveyor.
When she was done, she realised that the woman in front
of her was taking quite a while to make her payment. She
saw that the old woman was counting out change, paying
in loose coins and purchasing each item separately. A lot of
people behind her started to move to other queues that were
long, but at least moving.
Sarah was ge ing impatient and frustrated, but then she
saw the young cashier. He was reaching over and helping the
woman count her change while repeating, “Yes, ma’am” as
he spoke with her. When she asked if she had enough to buy
a reusable bag, he nodded and went to fetch one. Never once
did Sarah see the employee grunt, complain or show any
sign of frustration.
Sarah then noticed that she was not the only one
observing this kind and patient man. Her daughter, Eloise,
was also looking on—witnessing compassion. Realising that
this was teaching her daughter a valuable lesson, she pulled
out her camera and clicked a picture of the duo. When she
shared the story on her Facebook page, it went viral, with
over 20,000 people sharing and talking about it.
This made the employee, Ishmael Gilbert, instantly
popular and he received a token of appreciation from Target.
Gilbert was humbled, but while the fame was unexpected
and exciting, he said that this was how he treated all his
customers and the old woman was no exception. Pic
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Happy happenings
18 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
References: www.goodnewsnetwork.org, www.theuglyindian.com, www.littlethings.com, www.thepositive.news, www.social.yourstory.com
If you have an inspiring or heart-touching story or incident to share,
email us at editorial@completewellbeing.com and we’ll publish your story here.
Youngest parent to adopt an abandoned special needs child THE NEW JUVENILE JUSTICE bill passed by the government
changed the minimum adoption age in India from 30 to 25.
And no one could be happier than Aditya Tiwari who, a er
a long wait, was � nally able to adopt a child su ering from
Down Syndrome.
Binny, born to a rich family in Bhopal, was abandoned at an
orphanage when his parents discovered that he not only had
Down Syndrome, but also su ered from hearing problems and
had a hole in his heart. Aditya Tiwari met with his parents later
and was shocked to discover that they were capable of caring
for Binny, but simply didn’t want to, because of his condition.
Aditya decided to take him under his roof.
A er several lengthy legal procedures, Aditya was able to
adopt one-and-a-half-year-old Binny and was christened the
youngest bachelor in India to adopt a child.
Aditya gave Binny the name Avnish and although he had to
deal with the initial resistance and reluctance of his family, when
he � nally brought Avnish home, they welcomed him warmly.
“It’s a proud moment for us. We are grateful to God for
giving us a son like Aditya and now a grandson like Avnish,”
said Aditya’s parents.
Fitness trainer carries a 280-pound injured hiker to safety on his back DR DAN REARDON AND his girlfriend were on a holiday hike around Escondido Falls when
they noticed a man struggling to walk. Mark Martinez wanted to descend from the mountain in
Malibu, California, and was pitiably hopping around on one leg.
“He was limping quite badly. He looked like he was in a lot of pain. He was quite pale and
sweaty,” said Reardon. “He had family members, sort of helping him move along. But it was quite
clear that he was struggling.”
Dr Reardon and Dina Zaky o ered to help him. The young doctor who is also a �tness
enthusiast and the founder and CEO of FitnessGenes pulled the 280-
pound man over his back and spent two hours carrying him down.
Dina, on the other hand, ran down the hill to call for help. When she
couldn’t � nd anyone, she borrowed a phone from the nearest home and
called an ambulance. When the paramedics arrived, Reardon had carried
Martinez two miles down to safety. They found out that Mark su ered
from a broken ankle and an injury in his lower leg bone. According to
Dan, however, the incident “brought him and his girlfriend new friends
in the new year” and brought the families closer.
“We were able to help out someone who needed our help. And hope-
fully, we’ve demonstrated a positive message of ge ing � t in 2016,”
Reardon told TODAY later.
WHILE DRIVING BY the Kettle River in Minnesota,
Steven Peterson noticed a deer struggling to come
out of the river’s ice hole. Peterson wanted to do
something, but being deaf, he realised that trying
to communicate with emergency operators would
take time and might cost the deer its life. So he took
matters into his own hands and turned back to help.
He carried a tree branch over to the deer that
was struggling to get out of the water, spread
weight across the ice and loosely tied a yellow leash
around the deer’s neck. He then slowly and success-
fully pulled it out of the freezing water.
The deer, covered in ice and unable to stand up,
su� ered no major injuries. Peterson then pulled out
his camera and narrated the incident with the deer
lying behind him in the frame. He stayed with “Miss
Ice River”, as he named her, for another hour.
“I’m happy the deer is safe now,” he signed in
the recording before unleashing the deer and
signing o� .
Deaf man rescues deer caught in ice water
Pic
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on
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Write notesbooks, music, movies and more
Rising StrongBy Dr Brené Brown
• Published by: Vermilion
• ISBN: 9780091955038 • Pages: 288 • Price: `599
Rising strong from our failures involves a three-
step process:
1 The Reckoning: Walking into our story and
recognising that a bu on has been pushed and
that we are about to explode with negative or
undesirable emotion.
2 The Rumble: Owning our story by being honest
about what we tell ourselves, by admi ing our
deeper emotions of shame, guilt, blame, and
being willing to revisit and challenge these self-
narratives to arrive at the truth of who we are
and how we engage with others.
3 The Revolution: Writing a new ending and
changing how we engage with the world on a
permanent basis.
Of these three steps, the Rumble is the messiest:
the place of the greatest struggle, and, a non-ne-
gotiable part of the process—to become aware of
the story we’re telling ourselves about our hurt,
anger, frustration or pain. In an e ort to come out
smelling of roses, we tend to glorify our recovery
and the redemptive ending while casting o the
emotional darkness that engulfs us when we are
down, face-in-the-dirt, struggling.
The book suggests that we write down our raw
emotions and feelings at this stage of rumbling—
what is called the SFD [“shi y � rst dra ”, as per
the author]—without � ltering the experience or
worrying about how our story makes us look.
Then we examine our self-defeating assumptions
by asking:
>> What do I know objectively?
>> What more do I need to learn and understand
about the other people in the story?
>> What more do I need to learn and understand
about myself?
Now we can look for the delta—or space—be-
tween the story we make up and a more objective
truth.
“Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s hav-
ing the courage to show up and be seen when we
have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is
not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.”
As with the previous two books, Rising Strong
is rich with anecdotes from Dr Brown’s own life.
Early in the book, she shares a story about a tough
moment that surprised her while swimming across
a lake with her husband during a family vacation.
Her self-doubt, emotional reaction, anger and pain
The triumph of vulnerability
The book’s cover states, “The physics of vulner-
ability is simple: if we are brave enough, o en
enough, we will fall. Being brave and falling helps
us grow and changes us for the be er.”
Social scientist and best-selling author Dr Brené
Brown has spent several years studying vulner-
ability, courage, authenticity and shame. While
her previous two books are a “call to arms” to
wholehearted living, this third book is all about
acknowledging the desperation, the shame, and
the vulnerability that comes along with failure,
and rising up to own our story.
When Dr Brown talks about failure, it is not
just in some large-scale professional endeavour,
but also the personal heartbreaks and catastrophes
in our lives. She addresses the complex nature of
failure, reminding us that we tend to “gold-plate”
failure and grit, sugar-coating the process and the
pain involved in falling and in deciding to rise
again. The book is not about the tired cliché of
failure being the stepping stone to success.
20 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
New releases
will resonate well with readers who have had a
similar experience. Instead of painting herself into
perfection, Dr Brown tears apart that experience to
seek the truth about her story and learn to own it,
and thereby engage from a place of understanding
and compassion.
“We can choose courage or we can choose com-
fort, but we can’t have both. Not at the same time.”
Our thoughts, actions and feelings are like a
three-legged stool, each equally important to make
a positive change in our lives. Positive thoughts
combined with negative feelings will not lead to
positive actions. O -loading, bouncing, or numb-
Ramayana: The Game of Life,Stolen Hope [Book 3]By Shubha Vilas
• Published by: Jaico Publishing house
• ISBN: 978-81-8495-824-9
• Pages: 312 • Price: `299
This fast-paced, heart-racing third book
that is part of a series, follows our heroes—
Rama, Lakshmana and Sita—on a journey through evil
labyrinths of Dandakaranya forest. It tests Lakshmana’s
loyalty, Sita’s endurance and Rama’s righteousness and
gives us a peek into the extremes of human nature like
deception, love, devotion, arrogance, power, greed and
values. It also explores the dynamics of human relations
and gives the popular saga a touch of modernity with its
easy and capturing narration.
The book has a short synopsis of preceding books to
keep you on the same page and is replete with footnotes
including references, analysis, lessons and interesting facts
relevant to the story.
When Breath Becomes AirBy Paul Kalanithi
• Published by: Bodley Head
• ISBN: 978-1847923677
• Pages: 256 • Price: `449
What makes life worth living in the face
of death? What do you do when the
future is no longer a ladder toward your
goals in life? What does it mean to nurture a new life as
another fades away? These are some of the questions the
author wrestles with in this profoundly moving, exquisitely
observed memoir.
COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL X ISSUE 04 FEBRUARY 2016 21
At the age of 36, neurosurgeon Paul Kalanithi was
diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer. One day he was a
doctor treating the dying, and the next he was a patient
struggling to live. And just like that, the future he and his
wife had imagined evaporated. When Breath Becomes Air
chronicles Kalanithi’s transformation from a naïve medical
student into a neurosurgeon at Stanford and finally into
a patient and new father confronting his own mortality.
Kalanithi died in March 2015, while working on this book,
yet his words live on as a guide and a gift to us all. This
book is an unforgettable, life-affirming reflection on the
challenge of facing death and on the relationship between
doctor and patient, from a brilliant writer who became both.
Urmila: Recapturing the mythical journey of love and longing in contemporary IndiaBy Pervin Saket
• Published by: Jaico Publishing house
• ISBN: 978-81-8495-666-5
• Pages: 298 • Price: `350
This book is a modern-day story retelling of
an overlooked mythological character from
Ramayana and wife of Lakshman, Urmila.
Urmila Karmarkar is a talented,
passionate woman living in Mumbai in
the modern century. She is married to a wealthy, politically
connected man who abandons her to follow his brother in
Dubai on an unavoidable prolonged trip. Feeling rejected,
Urmila battles with her loneliness and finds solace in her art
and dreams of love and motherhood, all the while patiently
waiting for her husband’s arrival.
ing our hurts, or even stockpiling or bo ling them
up, or simply denying them, is not the way to deal
with our deep dark pain.
Borrowing from Newton’s Third Law of Motion,
Dr Brown proposes that for every emotion we feel,
there is a de� nite response elicited in us. When
angry, we can mindlessly lash out or we can be
aware of what we’re really feeling and adjust how
we respond. We learn that to be vulnerable and
resilient is the best way to engage with the world
so as not to be paralysed by fear of failure or hide
behind the veil of perfectionism.
By Sheela Preui
Trending this month
and
22 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
IF AN EXECUTIVE LAMENTS, “I am so burned-
out,” he is conveying li le useful information. Like
all psychological constructs that make their way
into popular parlance, burnout is ill-de�ned and
regularly misused. Most people believe that the
statement “I’m burned-out” conveys the fact that
they are six-sigma more stressed than they have
ever been or should ever be. Not true. In the same
vein, most people believe that CEOs do not
su er burnout owing to the commonly held belief
that those who sit at the top corporate hierarchies
give stress; they don’t get stressed. If stress and
burnout are close cousins, then CEOs are, logically,
burnout-proof.
Sadly, just the opposite is true. 75 per cent of
my coaching clients are CEOs, and my practice
has been that way for decades. As for “giving
rather than ge ing stressed,” who cares? Burnout,
particularly among C-level executives, has li le
if anything to do with stress. I should say, more
accurately, that burnout has virtually nothing to
do with distress, the noxious psychological state
that occurs when a person is forced to cope with
demands that exceed his capabilities.
Here’s an example of stress: You’re the CEO
of a company that is bleeding red ink and your
star salesperson tells you, “I need a raise or I’ll
be forced to leave.” With no money to pay this
peak performer and the awareness that without
her you’ll never be able to stay in business, the
circumstance you are in is prototypically stressful.
You’ll do all you can to save your saleslady and
your business, work round the clock to �nd a way
to keep her, but unless you �nd the resources
for that raise or reach a rapprochement with
your invaluable employee, you will experience
unabated stress.
This circumstance—a demand that exceeds your
competence level—is not the sort of occurrence
that precipitates burnout. On the contrary: Burnout
is born from a lack of stress—or, actually, the
absence of eustress, the “good stress” we feel when
challenged to meet goals we can and do achieve.
Athletes who compete against top competitors and
win feel eustress; so, too, salespeople who exceed
quotas, and managers who beat deadlines under
budget. Conversely, however, should an Olympic-
calibre athlete compete against a high school
The two sides of a coin
Burnout
Steven Berglas is an executive coach and management
consultant and was the faculty of Harvard Medical School’s
Department of Psychiatry for over 30 years. Fortune Magazine
honoured his book Reclaiming the Fire by naming it one of the 75
Smartest Business Books ever written. He holds a BA, cum laude,
Phi Beta Kappa, a PhD from Duke University, and he completed
postdoctoral training in social psychiatry at Harvard Medical School.
COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL X ISSUE 04 FEBRUARY 2016 23
Burnout is not necessarily caused by excessive stress. On the contrary, it is o en the result
of boredom due to a paucity of challenges that test your me le. According to research,
work that has stopped engaging you can be harmful to your wellbeing. But it is possible to
insulate yourself from the phenomenon that a ects millions of unsuspecting executives
By Steven Berglas
student in his preferred sport, or a salesman reach
his annual quota in a few months simply by � ling
orders from repeat customers, neither individual
will derive eustress.
Working in circumstances akin to shooting � sh
in a barrel are, paradoxically, far more harmful
than pursuing goals you have to sweat to achieve.
The reason why this is so is simple: Humans
are innately challenge-hungry organisms who
are rewarded [at a neurological level] by doing
something “be er” every day. Ask yourself:
Would you go to Switzerland to ski and restrict
yourself to the “Beginner’s” slope, or would you
progress—from Beginner to Advanced to Expert to
the Black Diamond slope—each time you mastered
the preceding level of di culty? Note that you are
not paid for seeking ever-more-challenging slopes
to ski, nor are you forbidden from hanging-out on
the Bunny Hill with children. When free to choose,
virtually all humans crave a chance to prove their
worth and chafe at being kept � ightless like a bird
in a gilded cage.
The core cause of burnoutTo truly grasp how burnout undermines and o en
destroys careers, it is important to get a be er
handle on when and how people feel “eustress
deprived” at work. Speci� cally, you need to
understand how rewards are dispensed and the
manner in which they psychologically impact those
who receive them.
Rewards—most notably salaries and
bonuses—are administered according to a simple,
straightforward formula: More is be er. If I build
one widget I get one reward unit; two widgets get
me two units, and so on. Sooner or later I will have
all the reward units I need to live happily ever
a er, but because I am so pro� cient at building
widgets the company I work for continually gives
Burnout ensues when you are deprived of eustress at work
24 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
me fancier titles and more of the same sorts of units
I receive as a trainee. It’s like eating your favourite
ice cream… day a er day a er day. If you consume
limitless amounts, the experience grows boring.
A er months of having the same ice cream for
dessert, most people would pass on dessert rather
than eat a formerly delicious frozen treat.
Years ago I coached one senior so ware
executive at a huge IT company.1 His trek
from “engineer” to “senior executive so ware
engineering EVP” was meteoric because of
his ability to create easily understood “user
interfaces”—the steps we take and things we do
to access an IT function on a computer or PDA.
Amish loved working in IT, but when I met him
he was starting to su er burnout: “I’m the Dean of
‘Dumbing Down’ so ware and it’s killing me. I see
my colleagues designing cu ing-edge applications
and all I do is convert what was complex into
simple; a process that, I promise, is simpler than
you would believe. I’m bored witless!”
Amish told me that he o en asked to be re-
assigned to di erent design teams, and was
routinely told, “How can we replace you?”
Together he and I designed a simple strategy to
help him add eustress to his career—Amish would
groom two Amish-like substitutes who could create
user interfaces as well as he did, and demand that
they replace him so he can be freed-up to pursue
challenging opportunities within his company. The
paradox of this “treatment” for Amish’s burnout
was that increasing his workload signi� cantly [by
doing extra mentoring and training] was stress-
reducing. How? Because he was working toward
removing the shackles that bound him to a job that
caused him non-stop feelings of ennui.
When I discuss cases of burnout like Amish’s—
super-successful, lavishly rewarded individuals
who want to quit their jobs—I’m invariably
confronted by someone yearning to escape from a
mountain of demands that seem insurmountable;
who feels a need to tell me that I’m full of crap: “Let
me get a few e ortless wins, a few days when �sh
jump into my boat rather than me having to �sh for
them,” he’ll say, “and I guarantee I’ll feel nothing
but blessed.” This belief makes intuitive sense, I tell
my detractor, but it is 100 per cent false.
As TE Lawrence [aka Lawrence of Arabia]
observed, “There could be no honour in a sure
success.” For any pursuit to a ord eustress, it must
test your skills or me le. If your chosen vocation
does not enable you to derive eustress from task
completion, it is only a ma er of time before you
will su er burnout.
The two kinds of burnoutsWhat is unique—and damaging—about burnout
is that it impacts the rich and not-so-rich, the
experienced and novice, equally. To help people
grasp this notion, I divide the world of burnout
su erers into two.
The largest cohort of burnout victims su er
what I call “Generic Burnout”—a syndrome of
emotional exhaustion and cynicism characterised
by symptoms ranging from chronic fatigue to
anger. Those who su er this form of burnout feel
they are trapped in a job that has ceased to provide
them with personal grati� cation or a sense of meaning.
In essence they prove the commonsense notion
that “being in it just for the money” is never truly
rewarding.
The other cohort su ers what I call Supernova
Burnout—the type of burnout caused by eustress
deprivation a er a person has enjoyed bountiful
successes. This form of burnout is paradoxical to
those who endure it since their belief that a history
of success would protect them from su ering
emotional distress. Supernova burnout proves that
just the opposite is true: High achievers are actually
victimised by a history of success that exposes them
to several di erent noxious experiences.
1 All names and job descriptions used in this piece are cra ed ina manner that preserves my clients’ true identity.
If your chosen vocation does
not enable you to derive
eustress from task completion,
it is only a matter of time
before you will suffer burnout
COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL X ISSUE 04 FEBRUARY 2016 25
First and foremost, a history of success at a
particular trade sets a person up to su er boredom
as a result of amassed pro� ciency. All successful
white-collar professionals will tell you that the
surgery, legal work, management they’ve done
for decades became “old hat”, and that as their
reputation soared so, too, did feelings of ennui.
Talk to pillars of the professional community who
are widely admired and you will be shocked at how
many will admit to wondering, “Is that all there
is?” long before it becomes time to even consider
retirement.
Adding insult to this injury, a history of success
can expose a person to shame and embarrassment
if he fails to perform as expected. The poet Robert
Browning observed, “A man’s reach should exceed
his grasp, or what’s a heaven for?” True, and a
primary reason why not being able to “reach”
causes burnout. But for those who have a ained
great professional heights, something very
problematic o en occurs: Their reach, being � nite,
cannot possibly grasp all they [or others] want
them to take hold of. As every person who is not
self-employed will tell you, “You’re only as good as
your last big score, and that last ‘big score’ is now
the � oor below which you cannot drop lest you
become labelled a laggard or worse.”
Finally, the most di cult aspect of Supernova
Burnout is dealing with being trapped in Golden
Handcu s. A person who gets to a point where
he fears that limits on his capacity to “reach” will
shame him is almost always atop a professional
hierarchy and, as such, amply rewarded for all he
did to get there. Thus, on top of yearning for novel
challenges and fearing that inexorably greater
performance demands will shame you, those who
su er Supernova Burnout must deal with the reality
of having grown accustomed to a lifestyle that
cannot be sustained if they say, “Take this job and
shove it…”
White-collar crimeI cannot recall a week when I failed to � nd an
instance of Supernova Burnout reported by the
press. Why? Because newspaper reporters are
fascinated by corporate executives, o en idealised,
super-powerful leaders who also happen to be the
prime candidates for contracting this disorder.
Why this is so is not instantly obvious. To
understand the vulnerability of CEOs to Supernova
Burnout you have to take a dispassionate view
of their careers starting with the arduous climb
they must make to get to the top and, frankly,
how mind-numbing the life of a CEO can be if he
does his job correctly. CEOs earn millions if they
delegate to superstars, hire to their weaknesses,
groom successors, and when confronted by
perplexing problems, knowing which consultant
can � nd a solution quickest. Given how most CEOs
spent 18-hour days proving their worth before
they landed the “ultimate job in the corner o ce,”
you can well imagine that being in charge can be a
breeze… and, potentially, dull if not � at-out boring.
This is not to say that CEOs face no challenges but,
rather, a CEO who does his job in an ideal manner
can, paradoxically, expose himself to eustress
deprivation without knowing it.
What happens to these men [women rarely
su er Supernova Burnout2. Also see box Why
women are less likely to su er Supernova Burnout
on page 29]? They o en engage in white-collar
crime. I am not alone in holding this view: About
2,000 years ago the ancient Roman Senator Publius
Cornelius Tacitus observed, “We are corrupted by
prosperity.” When people are corrupted in this way,
observers invariably ask, “He had the world in the
palms of his hands… what made him do it?” The
answer is Supernova Burnout, not, as common
sense wisdom holds, greed or lust for power other
than power to control whether or not one enjoys
eustress or endures ennui.
2 I address this gender di erence at length in mybook, Reclaiming the Fire: How successfulpeople overcome burnout, Chapter 5.
All successful white-collar
professionals will tell you that
the work they’ve done for
decades became “old hat” and
as their reputation soared,
so did their ennui
26 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
The most clear-cut example of a CEO su ering
Supernova Burnout I am aware of is that of a
near-billionaire shopping mall developer Adolph
Alfred Taubman. Back in 1983, a er a stellar career,
Taubman stepped-in to rescue ailing British auction
house Sotheby’s from a hostile takeover. At the time
he was well into his 70s and a member of the Forbes
400, which made Taubman an ideal White Knight:
He had more money than he could ever possibly
spend on himself, and was free to “do good”
through philanthropic activities.
Actually, Taubman’s penchant for philanthropy
was well established when he went o to save
Sotheby’s. He made huge donations to the
University of Michigan [including gi s to the
Taubman Medical Library and Taubman Health
Care Center], as well as sponsoring a number
of disease research projects. The problem is that
the passive giving-away of money generates
li le eustress. Pride, yes; a sense of satisfaction
in knowing you have helped others, sure. But
“giving” is not achieving, involves no overcoming
of obstacles, and generates no eustress. Thus, when
in 1983, Taubman was clearly hungering for a
rewarding challenge that would be able to generate
eustress, he decided to become Sotheby’s White
Knight. He delivered, too: he made good on his
promise to save the �rm, and �ve years later in 1988
took it public.
But two years later, a er an investigation into
alleged price-�xing between Sotheby’s and rival
auction house Christie’s was launched, Taubman
was publicly humiliated. A jury found him guilty
of price-�xing, which led to him being �ned $7.5
million and imprisoned for 10 months, both as a
result of anti-trust violations. Why?
For over 30 years I have worked with executives
who have commi ed �nancial crimes as senseless
as Taubman’s when they had absolutely no need
for money. Based on this clinical experience and
other data, I am 100 per cent certain that Taubman’s
motivation for engaging in criminal behaviour was
not greed: The psychological pressures born of
eustress deprivation, “let down,” ennui, and related
feelings, drove Taubman to dare the devil and
endeavour to defeat him by engineering what he
viewed to be a “harmless” price-�xing scheme. Had
he go en away with it he would have felt high as
a kite. Instead, a er amassing roughly $200,000 in
ill-go en gains, Taubman’s life was in ruins.
CEOs are not the only people to su er
Supernova Burnout. Any high-achieving man
wanting desperately to escape the circumstances
he sought to be in a er years of arduous work to
Devoid of challenges, super
achievers often indulge in white
collar crime
COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL X ISSUE 04 FEBRUARY 2016 27
get there will fall victim to it. Multi-millionaire
monetary fund managers begging to break the grip
of Golden Handcu s, academics willing to discard
advanced degrees to escape the mind-numbing
tedium of academe, and musicians and actors who
report being crippled by the demands of constantly
needing to answer calls of “encore, encore” when
what they want to scream at audiences is “Ciao!”
These are the brightest and best, so why can’t they
reason their way out of the dilemmas that give rise
to Supernova Burnout?
The reason, in large measure, is the perception
that others have of these people. It’s hard, if
everyone you meet says, “I want to be you when
I grow up,” to shout, “No, no, my life is horrid!”
Much of our self-de� nition comes from the
perceptions of others, and when “others” keep
insisting you’ve got it good, you have to wonder if
you are crazy for thinking otherwise. In addition,
things are not always horrid for those who su er
Supernova Burnout. The problem is, when it comes
to any- and everything related to their careers,
the urge to rip themselves loose from ennui is
maddening.
When others perceive you as larger than life, you tend to believe them
28 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
WHY WOMEN ARE LESS LIKELY TO SUFFER SUPERNOVA BURNOUT
3 Greenglass, E. (1997). Gender di erences in mental health. In H. S. Friedman (Ed.), Encyclopedia of Mental Health. San Diego: Academic Press.
THE SIMPLE ANSWER is that
it is not genetics… at least
as far as we can tell today.
Maybe J Craig Venter and the
scientists at Celera Genomics
Group will pinpoint which of the
three billion building blocks of
genetic code cause women to
be supernova burnout resistant.
But for the moment, this disease
resistance is a function of
nurture, not nature. Specifically,
because of the manner in which
they are socialised, women
develop a propensity to seek
“connectedness” with others
whereas men have no such
drive. To state this gender
difference in simplistic terms,
while males would be more likely
to view being King of the Hill as
a virtuous, gender-consistent
outcome, females would
typically see it as anathema
to their sense of identity.
More often than not, females
would far prefer to be “most
popular” than, say, most likely to
succeed, if—and this is a crucial
“if”—success were defined in
terms that connote occupying
an isolated position atop a
performance or social hierarchy.
emotional pain. Because women
have a more nurturing nature
than men, and as a result of their
earliest socialisation experiences
adult women fear separateness
and broken ties, they traditionally
make greater efforts to either
sustain relationships or resurrect
ones that appear to have faltered
or failed.
Here’s the surprise: The
ongoing burden of feeling “I
should make this relationship
work” will, in the short term,
lead women to experience stress
and, over time, it is likely that
psychological depression will
ensue. This is particularly true
if a woman concludes that the
failure to keep her relationships
thriving is a function of her
powerlessness or helplessness.
That said, women don’t “stay
the course” and deny they
are in pain; they acknowledge
psychological pain and reach-out
for help. Whereas men need to
be macho, project invincibility,
and infallibility—isolating
themselves from resources that
could facilitate their problems
born of success—a woman’s
propensity to stay connected
with others is one of, if not the,
most effective inoculations
against Supernova Burnout
there is. It affords perspective
on the paradoxical, and often
grossly illogical, problems born
of success, it provides coping
strategies, and above all else it
provides a network of support
that conveys, “Should you falter,
we’re here to catch you.” A male,
projecting, “I am a rock… I am
an island” invincibility will crash
and burn should the real-world
stressors born of success pierce
his façade.
Here’s the tricky part of a
woman’s capacity to avoid
suffering supernova burnout—
while connectedness can be
extraordinarily beneficial, the
downside risk of seeking to
retain interpersonal connections
is that you are vulnerable to
the psychological pain that
ensues when connections are
threatened or broken.
According to demographic
studies of mental health3,
20 to 26 per cent of women
will experience diagnosable
depression at some time in
their lives, compared with
8 – 12 per cent of men. One
reason cited for this disparity is
that women suffer more from
depression [and, in related ways,
stress] because of the manner
in which women experience
the implications of broken
interpersonal ties. Whereas a
jilted male could be expected to
cope with his negative feelings in
ways that are likely to externalise
emotional pain [eg becoming
physically aggressive or
becoming distracted by acting-
out or abusing drugs], women
are socialised to not externalise
COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL X ISSUE 04 FEBRUARY 2016 29
Try these techniques to address supernova burnoutEach client I coach has individual needs and a
unique case of Supernova Burnout. I abhor “one
size � ts all” remediation, and never use it. That
said, I can give you a few generalities about what
you should do if you feel ennui overwhelming you
or, be er yet, if you fear that someday what is not
exhilarating will bring about ennui:
1 ASK FOR HELP. A surprising consequence
of having a history of being successful is
that it makes simple requests for assistance
extraordinarily di cult to make. There are many
reasons why this is so, the primary one being that
successful people are known to overcome adversity
by trying harder and harder… the “If at � rst you
don’t succeed, try, try, again” model. Operationally,
success comes to them on what psychologists call
an “intermi ent reinforcement schedule” that trains
them to “push” much longer than, say, someone
who has not succeeded a er protracted e ort
would. As a result, successful people have their
“help-asking muscles” atrophy over time. If you
force yourself to ask for help, you open yourself
up to novel problem-solving approaches that o en
contain opportunities for eustress generation you
would never think of. On a more fundamental
level, since people are intimidated by those who
are successful, asking other people for help sends
the message, “I’m a regular guy… don’t run away.”
Not only does this posture open the door to new
challenges, it makes you appear vulnerable.
2 ADMIT VULNERABILITY. This suggestion is
a corollary to point #1 above. I give it its own
place among the suggestions I present because it is
so important.
As noted above, success is intimidating, and un-
less successful people who need help solving prob-
lems acknowledge their feet of clay, no one will risk
approaching them. Conversely, when a successful
person acknowledges the need for help, he engen-
ders waves of support owing to the fact that his
gesture is unexpected and � a ering to the person it
is directed at. Even if being vulnerable does nothing
in terms of eustress generation, it is far simpler to
tolerate ennui if you are not lonely at the top.
3 PICK A FIGHT. Virtually all people
experiencing Supernova Burnout feel that
their future safety and security will be jeopardised
by the failure to live up to inexorably increasing
performance expectations. Unfortunately, what all
humans do in circumstances where they fear the
worst is to become six-sigma more risk averse than
justi� able. In my coaching practice I � nd extreme
cases of Supernova Burnout driving once-assertive
people to be terri� ed of disputing or opposing
views that contradict their own. For these reasons
[and others], I counsel people su ering Supernova
Burnout to “pick � ghts”—the intellectual kind, not
� st� ghts. Why? If fear has caused a person to be
professionally risk averse, no new challenges will
come his way unless or until he sticks his neck out.
Beginning this process on an intellectual level is a
safe � rst step toward disputing the fear that all will
be lost if you fail to live up to expectations born of
past successes.
4 DO NOT OVERHAUL WHO YOU ARE; NEVER
ATTEMPT TO REINVENT YOURSELF;
RE-APPLY YOUR STRENGTHS IN NOVEL WAYS.
Freud said, “Character is fate,” and while a bit
hyperbolic, this belief is more right than wrong.
We are who we are from age three. What we do
with who we are, however, can be bent, twisted
and moulded in in� nite ways. A shy introvert can
never be a politician just as an extroverted “people
person” cannot � t into a librarian’s job description.
Why is this important to focus on when combating
Supernova Burnout? Because if you know you have
a strong core component to your personality—eg
gregarious machismo—you can stick to your
primary job and move, step-wise, into new
opportunities for eustress with con� dence.
During 1999 – 2003 a very rough, macho, he-man
who previously had “careers” as [� rst] a US Navy
SEAL [commando � ghter] and then a professional
wrestler, became the Governor of Minnesota. This
man, Jessie Ventura, spent his life re-packaging, in
small steps, his “core self” which is that of a tough
guy. By this repackaging, a man who was a member
of the most elite � ghting force in the US Military
and then a “sham-wrestler” on TV, got into politics
and charmed the electorate of a populous state in
the USA. By doing so, whenever a career he was in
bored him or became too challenging to master, he
30 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
morphed—true to his core—into another version of
himself.
You, too, can do this to avoid Supernova
Burnout. Any successful professional who does
not su er stage fright can teach about his area of
expertise. Are you afraid of being in front of an
audience? Write a book. A client of mine who was
trapped in Golden Handcu s just did this and is
elated about the prospect of selling his book on
TV talk shows and radio programmes. He’ll lose
money every day he “hawks” his book, but the
challenge of educating audiences about his message
has him walking on cloud nine.
If you believe you cannot write or teach, seek
new sources of eustress through mentoring your
replacements. It sounds morbid—“When I retire [or
die] you’ll take over,” but just the opposite is true.
Nothing is more eustress generative than to be told,
“Thanks; you made me a be er person.” It conveys
not only worth but e cacy in the world. Only
some people in� uence others. If you cannot do so
in academe, writing, politics or public speaking,
a one-on-one mentorship will give you the same
results and, when you’ve succeeded, time to try
to surmount challenges you had told yourself you
couldn’t consider “given all my responsibilities.”
The brilliant psychologist/philosopher William
James said, “There is but one cause of human
failure. And that is man’s lack of faith in his
true self.” If you can test the limits of your “true
self” with con� dence, you will never be le
unchallenged, devoid of eustress, and subject to the
ravages of Supernova Burnout.
COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL X ISSUE 04 FEBRUARY 2016 31
Seek new sources of eustress by mentoring your potential replacements
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COMPLETE WELLBEING
Body, mind and beyond
How to be an authentic leader
career & workplaceManage
someone likes you when you are living a lie,
he may stop associating with you when he
� nds out the real you; because sooner or later,
truth reveals itself. By pretending to be some-
one you are not just for garnering a ention,
you are most likely to end up a racting the
wrong people.
Not being yourself can also lead to a
no-win situation. If you are not a genuine ex-
pression of yourself, the acclaim of your col-
leagues and your friends will amount to li le.
It is important that you like yourself � rst, and
that can only happen if you allow yourself to
be true to your inner being.
Costco co-founder and former CEO, Jim
Sinegal, answered his own phone line, main-
tained a small o ce, paid himself a salary
far lower than that of his peers and wore a
Authentic leadership endures because it exists as a function of the individual rather than a crowd of borrowed opinions
By Brian Tracy and Azim Jamal
34 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
THE POWER OF AUTHENTIC leadership
was captured in a 2007 study in HBR. The
study—which polled over 100 business lead-
ers, aged 23 to 95, chosen among their peer
groups for being authentic—found that there
was no single personal trait that made the
leaders appear authentic to their peers.
Rather, they “were constantly testing
themselves through real-world experiences
and reframing their life stories to understand
who they were at their core. In doing so, they
discovered the purpose of their leadership
and learned how being authentic made them
more e ective.”
Are you living a lie?A lot of people fear being themselves because
they feel they won’t be liked or accepted. If
nametag that simply said, “Jim”. This made
him wildly popular with his employees, and
le him with the lowest employee turnover
rate in the retail industry.
McDonald’s founder Ray Kroc expected all
employees to keep McDonald’s clean and did
not exempt himself from the job—he picked
up the garbage found in the parking lots of
every McDonald’s outlet that he visited.
Authentic leadership is the only leadership
that endures, because it exists as a function
of the individual rather than a crowd of bor-
rowed opinions.
The key to real power Authenticity is not just the key to a long-
lasting career; it is the key to developing
real, meaningful power. Charisma, though
an important quality of leadership, can lead
to destructive behaviour if it’s not tethered
to authentic values. Jordan Belfort [the
stockbroker whose crimes were dramatised in
the � lm, The Wolf of Wall Street] and Bernard
Mado used their charisma to swindle people
out of their life’s savings. Both these men
had power but it was not tethered to good,
authentic values. Real power comes from
authenticity.
If you want your success to be sustainable,
if you want it to have a strong foundation, if
you want it to have purpose and meaning,
there is no other way than to be authentic.
Your inner light shines through you when
you are credible and trustworthy, and honest
enough to admit to your limitations. The real-
ity is that even with all your limitations, you
are still unique and special. Embrace who you
are, � aws and all. If you try to be someone
else, you only become a ‘second-best some-
one’. As they say: “Be yourself. Everyone else
is already taken.”
Challenge yourself with the following
‘How to’ exercises:
ACCEPT and realise your imperfections.
Shortcomings are part of who you are. Ac-
cepting this makes you powerful because
now you can understand and relate to others.
You will also be more open to feedback, guid-
ance, and constructive criticism.
LIVE a life of honesty and integrity. It’s likely
that you will succeed in some areas, but not
in others. View every gap as an opportunity
to grow.
KNOW that being di erent is good. Your
USP comes from being di erent and unique.
Achievers like Michael Jordan, Steve Jobs and
JK Rowling were o en regarded as eccentric
or reckless.
RADIATE con� dence. When you are authen-
tic, you can be con� dent that you are doing
the right thing. You can also have con� dence
that the people in your life who are not
aligned with you are not supposed to be in
your life anyway.
BE non-judgemental. Be careful about judg-
ing others because you do not know what
they are going through.
ADMIT mistakes and apologise because this
builds trust. This may seem hard because
we fear that we may appear incompetent.
However, small inadequacies in life are nor-
mal and can be accepted by almost everyone.
Dishonesty and cover-ups are far worse.
PRACTICE courage. Speak the truth and
allow yourself to be vulnerable. For example,
in a sta meeting, ask for help if you need it,
ask a question, speak up about a concern you
may have. Don’t worry about what others
may think. By expressing yourself authenti-
cally, you inspire others in your team to be
real and take timely action.
BE true to yourself. Before embarking on
something, ask: Does this feel right to me?
When you are true to yourself, you are
generally true to others.
Azim Jamal is an international best-selling
author, highly sought-after motivational speaker,
author and coach. His dynamic and inspiring
Corporate Sufi message has been heard by over
one million people around the world and his work
has been recognised by Deepak Chopra, Wayne
Dyer, Jack Canfield and Ken Blanchard.
COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL X ISSUE 04 FEBRUARY 2016 35
Brian Tracy is an entrepreneur, professional
speaker, best-selling author and success
expert. He has written and produced more than
300 audio and video learning programmes,
including the worldwide, best-selling
Psychology of Achievement, which has been
translated into more than 28 languages.
To subscribe to Complete Wellbeing
digital edition, visit http://bit.ly/cwdigital
exerciseDiscover
Prolonged si ing is linked to many serious healthconcerns including diabetes and heart disease
By Kiran Shete
HAVE YOU EVER COUNTED the number
of hours you sit in a day? You would be
surprised to know that an adult spends on an
average 9.7 hours/day si ing and the number
can go up to 15 for o ce workers. This trend
of sedentary lifestyle in the digital age has
become a global threat and may add to an al-
ready increased burden of non-communicable
diseases. Research now suggests that si ing
for too long is bad for your health, regardless
of how much you exercise.
In 2010, the American Cancer Society
released a report in the American Journal of
Epidemiology stating that men who sat for six
hours or more a day in their leisure time had
an overall death rate that was nearly 20 per
cent higher than men who sat for three hours
or less in the 14-year follow-up period. And
women who sat for more than six hours a
day had a death rate that was almost 40 per
cent higher. Similar results were published
in Archives of Internal Medicine stating that
people who sit for long periods are at more
risk of dying early.
That’s why many wellness oriented com-
panies now have standing desks for employ-
ees—i.e. employees do not sit for working on
desktop but they are provided with special
desks which allow to them carry out their
work while standing. Many people alternate
between standing and si ing. There is also a
trend of using a treadmill desk—wherein you
walk while you work!
What are the harmful e ects ofsi ing?A.When we sit for a long duration, our leg
muscles become slack and don’t contract
e ectively to pump blood to the heart. This
leads to pooling of blood in the legs which,
in turn, reduces the ability of the blood ves-
sels to expand. Problems range from swollen
ankles and varicose veins to dangerous blood
clots called deep vein thrombosis [DVT].
B. This sluggish blood �ow also leads to
deposition of fat in blood vessels, clogging
them which further limits the oxygen and
nutrient supply to the brain slowing down
the brain function.
C. Chronic si ers use their hip muscles to a
lesser extent, which is a reason for decreased
hip stability commonly causing fall in the
elderly population.
D. If most of your si ing happens at your
workstation, craning your neck forward
toward a keyboard or tilting your head to
cradle a phone while typing can strain the
cervical vertebrae and lead to permanent
imbalances giving rise to variety of conditions
ranging from muscular pain to spondylosis.
E. It is a well-known fact that prolonged sit-
ting leads to permanent postural defects and
spinal injuries.
F.When you sit, your upper-body weight
rests entirely on the si ing bones instead of
being distributed along the spine leading to
pain in tail bone region.
G. Lack of inactivity is one of the reasons for
increasing incidence of osteoporosis.
H. People who sit more are at greater risk for
herniated lumbar disc [slipped disc].
AT YOUR OWN RISK
36 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL X ISSUE 04 FEBRUARY 2016 37
Contrary to prolonged si ing, standing
causes cellular changes that improve muscu-
lar and metabolic function of the body. When
we walk or move about, so discs between
the vertebrae expand and contract like
sponges, soaking up fresh blood and nutri-
ents. But when we sit for an extended period,
these discs are squashed unevenly leading to
spinal problems.
I. Prolonged si ing disrupts the metabolic
functions slowing them down by 90 per
cent a er only 30 minutes of si ing, raising
plasma triglycerides, cholesterol and blood
sugar. And a er two hours, good cholesterol
drops by 20 per cent. Si ing for long has been
linked to high blood pressure. It substantially
increases growth factors that lead to cancer
especially colon cancer, endometrial cancer
and breast cancer.
J. Researches have suggested that si ing
for long hours impact mental wellbeing of
workers, increasing the incidence of reduced
social skills, anxiety and depression.
How do I know if I am si ing toomuch?If you’ve been si ing for an hour at a stretch,
you’ve been si ing for too long. We should all
be up at least 10 minutes out of every hour.
People who don’t exercise can be healthier
even if all they do is reduce the amount of
time they sit. In fact, if you go to the gym
regularly or walk for 30 – 45 minutes a day,
but sit down the rest of the time, you are still
leading a “sedentary lifestyle”.
Recent research even showed that just
three hours of si ing was su cient to cause
damage to blood vessels, but when the si ing
time was interrupted by a gentle 10-minute
cycling session, no decline in vascular
function was recorded.
Overall, prolonged sitting causes>> About a 125 per cent increased risk of events associated with
cardiovascular disease, such as chest pain [angina] or heart
attack
>> 112 per cent increase in the risk of diabetes
>> 147 per cent increase in cardiovascular events
>> 90 per cent increase in death caused by cardiovascular events
>> 49 per cent increase in death from any cause
How can I reduce mysi ing time?At home:
>> Take the stairs instead of using the li
>> Make sure you get up and walk around
a er every 30min of si ing
>> Walk 7,000 to 10,000 steps a day
>> Swap some TV time for more active tasks
or hobbies
>> Avoiding si ing whenever possible.
At work:
>> Have alternate breaks of si ing and stand-
ing at work
>> Break up periods of si ing or standing by
doing simple exercises at your desk
>> To work standing, raise the level of laptop
by placing it over a stand, box or books
>> Stand or walk around while on the phone
>> Take a walk break every time you take a
co ee or tea break
>> Have standing meetings
>> Avoid driving continuously for more than
50 minutes; take a short break of 2 – 3 min-
utes in between
>> You may consider using standing worksta-
tions.
Special advice for parentsAs children are spending less time doing
physical activities and more time watching
TV or playing video games, parents must
establish healthy habits during the early years
in order to protect them from future health
imbalances.
>> Lead by example by reducing their TV
time and other si ing-based tasks
>> Keep a limit on TV/screen time
>> Make bedrooms a TV- and computer-free
zone
>> Encourage participation in house chores
and outdoor games
>> Choose gi s such that encourage physical
activities
>> Reduce time spent in infant carriers, car
seats or highchairs
Wish you all a healthy spine and joints!
Kiran Shete, MS [Ortho],
DNB, F.ASIF
[Swiss], MNAMS,
PGPM [ISB], is
the founder and
medical director
of Pune-based
Spinalogy Clinic.
38 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
To subscribe to Complete Wellbeing
digital edition, visit http://bit.ly/cwdigital
Regain your GLOW
skincareResolve
Our skin loses its sheen due to many factors. Here are some things you can do to restore its lost glory
By Sudhakar Grandhi
40 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
THE SHEER RADIANCE SEEN on a child’s
face is a joy to behold. However, over time,
this glow vanishes. How does this happen?
There are multiple causes for this—pollution,
UV radiation, diet, stress, ageing and wrong
skincare. All of these take their toll on our
skin, making it dull and lifeless.
Like all other organs in our body, our skin
too undergoes wear and tear as we age. A
poor diet and dehydration cause the skin to
become dry and dull. UV rays darken and tan
the skin, making it lifeless. Collagen decreas-
es with age, leading to loosening of the skin
and formation of wrinkles. Indiscriminate use
of harsh creams and cleansers also adds to the
damage. In addition, hormonal changes and
the natural ageing process all a ect the lustre.
All of these together result in age spots, wrin-
kles, crow’s feet and a dull, listless skin.
Can this be prevented? To a certain extent, yes. A balanced diet,
adequate water intake, strict sun protec-
tion, judicious use of cosmetics and proper
pampering of the skin can help prevent the
damage to some extent. However, there is still
a loss of glow to a variable extent.
Can we get this glow back and how?The old adage “healthy mind begets a
healthy body” is also apt for the skin, as the
skin is a window to the state of our body.
The glow is a combination of factors, both
internal and external:
Stress: It a ects our skin acutely—it robs
the skin of its glow. It causes worry and
frown lines, dark circles, age spots and
pigmentation. Keeping one’s mind calm and
tackling stress fruitfully go a long way in
returning the glow. When we are calm, our
face is relaxed and the worry lines ease out,
giving the skin its radiance. Deep breathing
[pranayama], yoga and meditation help to
get the glow back. We have only to recollect
the images of saints and yogis to understand
the glow from a serene mind. Internal bliss is
re� ected as a warm radiant glow on the skin.
A happy mind leads to happy skin, so we
must smile more.
Exercise: A healthy body too is re� ected as
healthy skin. Regular exercise helps keep the
body, particularly the heart, in good condi-
tion. And what is good for the heart is also
good for the skin. Besides, exercise increases
the blood supply to the skin and the sweat
helps � ush out toxins. So, a daily workout is a
must for good skin.
Diet: It plays an important role in keeping
our skin glowing. A diet rich in fruits and
vegetables helps. Eat lots of red fruits and
vegetables like carrots, tomatoes, papaya and
green leafy vegetables. These are good sourc-
es of beta-carotene and antioxidants, which
protect our skin from damage. Fruits like
guava, amla, lime and green leafy vegetables
provide vitamin C, which is required for the
integrity of the skin and for the production
of dermal collagen. Nuts and dairy prod-
ucts provide vitamin E, which is needed for
elastin and collagen formation, which lends
suppleness to the skin. Both vitamin C and E
act as antioxidants; they protect our skin from
oxidative damage. Adequate protein intake
is a must. Avoid having processed or junk
food, fats and carbohydrates in excess. Drink
adequate amount of water.
Environmental factors: Pollution and UV
rays harm the skin. Therefore, use a sun-
screen with 20 SPF regularly and in adequate
quantity. Apply sunscreen half an hour before
going out in the sun, and again every 2 – 3
hours or more frequently if you tend to sweat
profusely. Sunscreens come in a variety of lo-
tions, gels and creams. Choose one according
to your skin type—lotions for dry skins and
gels for oily skins. Wear a cap, sunglasses or
sun coat while going out.
Other measuresScars and pigmentation due to acne, and
melasma require treatments to revive the
glow. Treatments are also available for sun-
COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL X ISSUE 04 FEBRUARY 2016 41
42 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
burn, tanning and ageing. Dermatologists
have an armamentarium for tackling these
problems and help get back your supple,
radiant skin.
>> Various exfoliants available as scrubs,
creams, soaps and washes help remove
dead cells and are the simplest form of
treatment.
>> Creams containing retinoic acid of various
concentrations, adaferin, glycolic acid,
AHA [Alpha hydroxyl acid], BHA [Beta
hydroxy acid] and azelaic acid loosen the
corneocytes causing exfoliation, which
helps restore glow.
>> Mild de-pigmenting creams containing
hydroquinone, kojic acid, vitamin C and
azelaic acid also help treat suntan and
pigmentation.
>> Creams containing vitamin E and retinoic
acid help rejuvenate the collagen and
plump up the skin.
>> Skin moisturisers containing squalene help
hydrate the skin and make it look fresh.
Skin proceduresFollowing are some dermatological proce-
dures that help restore the skin’s glow.
Peels: These use di erent concentrations of
glycolic acid, lactic acid, kojic acid or man-
delic acid, which act as exfoliants, and mild
de-pigmenting agents. The peels smoothen
out rough skin, improve texture of sun-dam-
aged skin, and when mixed with bleaching
agents, correct pigment problems to make
the skin look younger and fresher. Quali�ed
dermatologists assess the skin type and the
extent of skin damage before prescribing a
regimen of peels. In certain cases, stronger
peels of phenol or TCA [trichloracetic acid]
are required.
Microdermabrasion: The dead layer of skin
is gently removed by the scrubbing action of
micro �ne crystals of aluminium oxide, which
are sprayed on to the skin with the help of a
machine. This gives a polish to the skin and
hence is also known as skin polishing. Re-
peated si ings of microdermabrasion help to
reduce super�cial blemishes, acne scars, �ne
wrinkles and pits.
Botox injections: Botulinium toxin is derived
from clostridium bacteria and is injected
under the skin into the subcutaneous mus-
cles. It temporarily paralyses these muscles,
thereby smoothing wrinkles, �ne frown lines,
and gives a more youthful appearance. To be
done by a trained dermatologist, it is a safe
procedure and gives instant and dramatic
results. The results last for 6 – 9 months and
the injections may be repeated many times.
Dermaroller treatment: This procedure
involves perforating the skin or scar tissue
with special medical graded stainless steel
needles [micro-needling] set on a unique
rolling device. This creates dermal damage
without the removal of the healthy epidermis.
It stimulates the skin to produce new collagen
thereby reducing wrinkles and improving
skin texture. The healing period of this treat-
ment is very short.
Laser resurfacing: CO2, fraxel, or Erb-Yag
lasers are used to smoothen the skin and give
it a glow. They also remove �ne lines, scar
and blemishes like stretch marks.
Skin tightening: Using Thermage radio
frequency this treatment helps to tighten the
skin and give it a taut and smooth look.
Intense Pulse Light System [IPL]: This acts
on �ne blood vessels, �ne lines, age spots,
�ne wrinkles and sun damage to help remove
these blemishes.
With the availability of all these facilities,
and by keeping ourselves mentally and physi-
cally �t, we can maintain our glow and even
get it back. Of course, beauty can never be
only skin-deep. True beauty lies in the eyes of
the beholder, hence it is most important that
you keep a positive a itude and keep glow-
ing from within!
From our archives
Sudhakar Grandhi MBBS,
DV & D, is a consultant dermatologist
in Pune [Skin Clinic]. He is actively
involved in conducting skin camps for
detection, treatment and rehabilitation
for leprosy patients. His other interests
include travelling and reading.
To subscribe to Complete Wellbeing
digital edition, visit http://bit.ly/cwdigital
food & nutrition
Indulge
Anjana Devasahayam is an engineer
turned recipe developer, food stylist and
photographer for her blog, At The Corner Of Happy
& Harried. She shares wholesome, delicious
recipes; be it family heirlooms, classic recipes from
around the world or her own inventions to feed her
family of three.www.happyandharried.com/
PAPAYAPLEASURES
DELICIOUSLY SWEET WHEN RIPE, the papaya is a tropical fruit with
a bu ery so � esh that has hues ranging from pinkish yellow to rich
orange. In Asian cuisine, the unripe green papaya is equally valued
and is used in many recipes. Papayas are a storehouse of antioxidant
nutrients such as carotenes, vitamin C and � avonoids, B vitamins,
folate and pantothenic acid, minerals such as potassium, copper, and
magnesium, and � bre. Together, these nutrients promote the health
of the cardiovascular system, improve digestive health and immunity,
and also help lower in� ammation.
Here are four recipes that use this wonderful fruit in di erent ways.
From unripe green papayas to ripe musky sweet ones, you will
discover di erent dimensions of the papaya
Papaya can be cooked in interesting ways too.
Anjana Devasahayam shares four must-try healthy recipes
that will call out to your taste buds.
COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL X ISSUE 04 FEBRUARY 2016 45
Papaya in a spicy coconut gravy
A delicious vegan papaya curry
cooked in a spicy coconut gravy. Goes
well with rice or rotis.
Serves 3 – 4
You will need:
1½ cups papaya, thinly sliced to 1” long
pieces
¼ cup water
¼ tsp turmeric powder
¼ tsp red chilli powder
½ tsp salt
To grind:
¼ cup grated coconut
4 shallots
2 garlic cloves
1 – 2 green chillies
½ tsp cumin seeds
To temper:
1 tbsp oil, preferably coconut oil
½ tsp mustard seeds
2 whole dried red chillies
5 – 6 curry leaves
1 shallot, thinly sliced
2 tbsp grated coconut
How to:
1. Cook the papaya with water, turmeric
powder, red chilli powder and salt in a pan till
the papaya slices are so and you are able to
mash them with a spoon. You can also pressure
cook them for one whistle, allowing the steam
to be released naturally. Set this aside.
2. Grind the ingredients listed under ‘to grind’
to a semi-smooth paste. Add this to the
cooked papaya. Gently heat this mixture for 3
– 4 minutes till the coconut gravy gets cooked.
Lightly mash any big pieces of papaya with the
back of your stirring spoon. Taste and adjust
seasoning. Remove from � ame and set aside.
3. In a small saucepan, heat the oil for tempering.
Add mustard seeds, dried red chillies and curry
leaves. Once they crackle, add the shallots and fry
till golden. Add this tempering to the papaya curry.
4. Return the saucepan to the stove and tip in the
coconut. Gently toast the coconut on a medium-low
� ame till golden brown. Add this to the papaya curry
PAPAYA ERISSERY
46 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
as well. For best results, keep the papaya erissery
covered for 30 minutes before serving to develop
the � avours. Serve with rice or rotis.
Notes:
This is a spin-o of the more traditional pumpkin
erissery from Kerala. For this recipe select a
papaya that is only slightly ripe or just beginning
to ripe.
A healthy beverage that instantly cools you
and forti� es you with vitamins, minerals
and anti-oxidants.
Serves 3 – 4
You will need:
1 medium-sized, ripe papaya
1 cup orange juice, freshly squeezed
¼ tsp turmeric powder
Honey as a sweetener, if needed
A few mint leaves, to garnish
How to:
1. Cut papaya into chunks. Blend it
along with orange juice and turmeric
powder to a thick but drinkable
consistency. Use more orange juice
or water to thin it if necessary. Taste
and sweeten with honey if needed.
2. Pour into tall glasses, garnish with
mint leaves and serve chilled.
Notes:
Use a well ripened papaya and you
may not need any sweetener at all.
Pour the smoothie into jars with
tight-� ing lids to make great on-
the-go beverages.
PAPAYA IMMUNITY
BOOSTER
COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL X ISSUE 04 FEBRUARY 2016 47
A quick stir-fried rice recipe
that is ready in 10 minutes if
you have le over rice in the
fridge. Great to pack in lunch-
boxes as well.
Serves 3 – 4
You will need:
2 tsp oil
½ tsp mustard seeds
½ tsp cumin seeds
2 dried red chillies
5 – 6 curry leaves
1 tbsp � nely chopped ginger
A pinch of asafoetida
½ tsp turmeric powder
½ cup grated green or unripe
papaya
½ cup grated green or unripe
mango
2 tbsp grated coconut
3 cups cooked rice
Salt to taste
¼ cup roasted peanuts
How to:
1. Heat oil in a large skillet. Add mus-
tard seeds, cumin seeds, dried red
chillies and curry leaves. When the
seeds begin to crackle, add ginger,
asafoetida and turmeric powder.
Saute for a few seconds on low � ame
to fry the ginger.
2. Add grated papaya and mango and
cook for 3 – 4 minutes, stirring fre-
quently. When the papaya and mango
are so , add the coconut and saute for a
few more seconds.
3. Now add the cooked rice and gently fold
in to combine. Season with salt. Add the
roasted peanuts. Serve hot with raita,
pickle and papad.
Notes:
Green papaya is a li le bland on its own, but
is great at absorbing � avours. So green mango
is added here to give the rice a tangy � avour.
GREEN PAPAYA
AND MANGO RICE
48 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
These � u y and moist mu ns are packed with � avour and
goodness. You will not be able to keep your hands o them!
Makes 12 mu ns
You will need:
1½ cups all purpose � our
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
½ tsp salt
¾ cup papaya [very ripe, mashed or pureed]
¾ cup banana [very ripe, mashed or pureed]
¾ cup sugar
½ cup vegetable oil
1 tsp vanilla extract
cup coconut � akes; a li le extra for topping
How to:
1. Pre-heat the oven to 375 F or 190 C. Line a 12-cup
cupcake pan with paper liners. Set aside.
2. Take the � our, baking powder, baking soda and
salt in a bowl. Whisk well to combine. Set aside.
3. In a medium bowl, combine the mashed papaya,
banana, sugar, oil and vanilla extract. Whisk
well to combine.
4. Tip in the dry ingredients and mix till just com-
bined. Gently fold in cup of coconut � akes.
5. Scoop ba er into the prepared cupcake pan.
Top each portion with some coconut � akes.
Gently tap the pan on the counter-top to level
the ba er and get rid of any air bubbles.
6. Bake for 20 minutes or till a toothpick in-
serted in a mu n comes out clean. Remove
from oven and cool in pan for � ve minutes.
Transfer mu ns to a wire rack to cool
completely. Store in an airtight container at
room temperature for a day or upto 3 – 4
days in the fridge.
Notes:
Use very ripe papayas and bananas in this
recipe for best results. Mash the fruits well
with a fork or puree in a blender before
using in the recipe.
These mu ns are eggless and do not
have any bu er. To make them healthier,
you can replace all-purpose � our with
wholewheat � our as well. They can be
eaten as dessert, snack or even a quick
breakfast.
PAPAYA, BANANA &
COCONUT MUFFINS
COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL X ISSUE 04 FEBRUARY 2016 49
50 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
parentingDecide
NO
CHILD’S PLAYWhile playschools are an important phase in your toddler’s growth and
development, choosing the right one needs some serious consideration
By Sidharth Balachandran
Have you decided where you’re pu ing him yet?The � rst time I heard that question was when
my son was 16 months old. We had just
relocated to India and were trying to � nd our
feet. With my decision to change careers and
the chaos that goes hand-in-hand with inter-
country transfers, � nding a playschool for our
toddler was the last thing on our minds.
But the question kept presenting itself. At
one point, we began suspecting the intentions
of the inquirers. Were these kind people
genuinely concerned about our toddler’s
wellbeing? May be they were receiving a
‘commission’ for every toddler they referred
to a playschool.
Before the search came the researchSpurred by these repeated questions, we
started some research about institutes that
would accept our son. At that point, I didn’t
even know that a play-school and a pre-
school are not the same thing. So we began
with � guring out the di erences between the
two. A playschool is sort of an informal nurs-
ery group for kids between the ages of 2 – 4,
while a preschool is more of an elementary
learning institution for kids between the ages
of 3 – 5. Playschools are meant for kids who
are too young to be put in kindergarten, and
while it does sound like a glori� ed day-care
centre, there’s more to it than meets the eye.
Why all the fuss about a play school or play groupTo those of you who subscribe to the old-
school [like I used to] and believe that kids
don’t need to go to school until they’re over
three years of age, this can be a di cult
concept to grab. If either one of the parents
[or extended family] stay at home with the
child, then our thri y mind convinces us that
play schools are a waste of money. Besides
there be er be a good reason for us to put the
“apple of our eyes” into a formal educational
institution at such a tender age.
But as we learned, there are de� nite advan-
tages of enrolling your kids into a playschool.
Here are the ones that we discovered:
>> It helps to set them into a pa ern—from
waking up at a � xed hour to regular meal
timings and having periodic naps.
>> It is an amazing opportunity for kids to
meet and interact with their peers and
build their foundations of not just formal
COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL X ISSUE 04 FEBRUARY 2016 51
education, but also of social etique e. This
is especially so if you don’t have many
small children in your neighbourhood who
can be playmates to your child.
>> It helps them in transition easily to a pre-
school, kindergarten or Montessori when
the time is right.
>> And most of all, it gives you [both parents,
especially if you are a stay-at-home one]
some time to get your personal things
together [or ‘me-time’, as it is popularly
known].
It is always a di cult decision to send
your li le one away, even if only for a few
hours. We too were apprehensive about eve-
rything; but the balance of the scales tipped
in favour of playschools.
However, there are a few important con-
siderations that require your a ention before
you � nalise the playschool for your child:
Commute and locationThe location of the playschool is of paramount
importance. You’ll need to take into account
the distance that your ward [and you, if you
are going to be the one who will pick up and
drop your child] will be travelling. In most
metropolitan cities, where rush hour tra c
can be trying, this could be a make-or-break
point. It might also be worthwhile to check if
the play school o ers a pick up and drop facil-
ity; and the safety aspects of the same.
ExpenseEducation is no longer an inexpensive activ-
ity. Right from playschool till graduation, the
costs of formal education have skyrocketed.
Figuring out how much you can a ord to put
away for your child’s education is a crucial
step. So get the number crunching in order.
Don’t forget to ask the playschool about
what is included in their fee structure. O en,
things like � eld trips and festival costs take
us by surprise, and having this information in
advance will help us plan be er.
FacilitiesOn your visit to the playschools check out
their play areas, class rooms, pantry and
presence of CCTVs. Also check if they have
an emergency medical kit and on-call doctors.
Remember, there are no silly questions. A er
all, you’re trusting them with your kid.
Background and accreditation I’ve seen the faces of fellow parents go blank
when we’ve brought this up. But much like
52 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
you’d do for a regular school, it is vital that
you verify the background and accredita-
tion of the playschools you are considering.
Seek out parents whose kids have previously
a ended the playschool and get a �rst-hand
view of their experience. It’s also advisable to
check other details such as—how long has the
playschool been operational; if it meets the
play/pre-school standards set out under the
Early Childhood Care and Education [ECCE]
policy that was set in place in 2012. From per-
sonal experience, I would suggest you should
ensure that the person running the playschool
is quali�ed and trained in the �eld of child
development.
The staFind out about the teachers and their quali�-
cations. Inquire how long the teachers have
been associated with the institution and
about their experience of working with kids.
It would be good idea to �nd out how the
teachers [and the playschool] discipline the
children. While it is imperative that the sta
be friendly and approachable, they should
also be �rm and know how to correct the
errors of the li le ones. Last but not the least,
check the typical teacher-to-student ratio in
the classroom, as this will ensure that your
kids get enough a ention from the teachers.
Hygiene and cleanliness It is crucial that the playschool be well-main-
tained and the toilets be hygienic. Even be er
if the playschool supports or facilitates po y-
training and has facilities for the same.
FoodSince the kids are only at the playschool for a
short duration, you should know about their
meal/snack times and ensure that it doesn’t
disrupt their eating schedules and pa erns. If
the playschool will provide food, you should
satisfy yourself with the quality of the food
and the cleanliness of the kitchens.
Curriculum and systemWhile playschools primarily operate on the
concept of using “play” to educate kids, as
parents, it is crucial that we be aware of their
teaching style. Most playschools will introduce
the alphabet and numbers to our li le ones;
however a focus on all-round development is
important too. Enquire with the playschool
about their day-to-day activities and ensure
that they balance the physical actives with
mental workouts in the form of puzzles, mem-
ory games and other creative avenues. It might
be a good idea to � nd out if they o er kids the
freedom to choose some activities, from time-
to-time. Ideally the curriculum should focus
on—gross and � ne motor skills, pre-writing/
reading/math skills, imagination and free-play,
arts, cra s and outdoor activities.
Le ing goAs a parent who has been through this phase
I can empathise with the fact that this whole
“choosing a play school” adventure can be
a roller coaster ride of emotions. However,
once you � nalise the playschool, it is time to
let go of a few of your inhibitions. Yes, you’re
going to be concerned; but the teachers know
their job and have perhaps been doing it for
longer than we have been parents. So unless
necessary, avoid interfering and let them do
their job—which is to take care of our pre-
cious li le ones. The initial separation and
its accompanied anxiety may be hard, but I
can assure you that the kids will se le in a lot
quicker than us parents.
On that note, happy hunting and remem-
ber: the journey has just begun.
Sidharth Balachandran is an engineer who
swapped his decade-
long professional
career to be a
work-from-home dad.
When not running
after his three-year-old
son, he writes about
fatherhood, parenting,
social satire, humour
and some fiction.
Once you decide on a playschool, let go of your inhibitions
and relax
Counsellor and author Phoebe Hutchison shows you how
to navigate the tricky waters of your child’s teenage years
WAYS
TO HELP YOUR TEENAGER
THRIVE AND SURVIVE
parentingManage
A CHILD’S TEENAGE years can be a challenging
time for parents. Parents may feel lost, frustrated
and disconnected by an apparent lack of control
over their child. But have faith; you can remain a
positive in� uence in your teenager’s life. By trying to
understand their challenges, knowing what to do and
what to avoid, you can continue to support, love and
educate them through these turbulent years.
COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL X ISSUE 04 FEBRUARY 2016 53
One of your primary roles is beingthe positive influence, so it is vital
that your teenager feels comfortabletalking with you about anything
Phoebe Hutchison is the author of
Are You Listening? Life Is Talking to You
and Honeymooners Forever: Twelve Step
Marriage Survival Guide. She has worked
extensively with couples and clients in crisis.
Reach her at www.honeymoonersforever.
com.au or www.areyoulistening.com.au
1 Listen to your teenagerThe best thing you can give your teenager
is your time. Aim for a minimum of 30
minutes of quality time per day. If you cannot
give her your a ention when she wants it, set
aside a time for her later in the day and keep
your appointment. When you listen well,
you will be more likely to identify illogical
thoughts, generalisations and potentially
dangerous decisions your teen may be
contemplating. Stop your internal cha er
and keep your mind completely on her
words. By listening to your teenager, you will
create opportunities for giving advice and
improving your relationship.
2 Praise your teenager dailyYou have the ability to ‘make or break’
your teenager, simply by how you treat him.
When a teenager is praised o en, he is more
likely to experience high self-esteem, which is
a foundation of self-con� dence, increased mo-
tivation, be er decision-making, improved re-
lationships and self-respect. Poor self-esteem
o en leads to self-criticism, doubt and confu-
sion about one’s abilities and life. By seeking
opportunities to praise your teenager, you are
actively improving his self-perception. The
importance of praising your teenager cannot
be overstated.
3 Accept your teenagerEncourage your teenager to be independ-
ent by allowing her to make decisions in areas
such as sporting interests, hobbies and cloth-
ing styles. By allowing her personal freedom,
you are increasing her con� dence. [Decisions
regarding schooling and general safety are
best le to parents.] Avoid being the co-de-
pendent parent, who lives ‘through their
child’, obsessing about your teen’s obstacles
and successes like they were your own. It is
not realistic to expect your teenager to always
conform to your expectations. She is more
likely to succeed in life when she is being
herself, following her own path—so encour-
age her to be autonomous.
4 Educate your teenagerResearch tells us that the male human’s
brain is not fully developed for processing
danger until he is approximately 24 years old,
so in many ways, you are the voice of reason.
Keep talking to your teenager about key areas
like drugs, alcohol and sex. Try not to over-
react if he comes home from a party where
alcohol or drugs were taken. If you ban him
from parties forever, he may avoid discuss-
ing his concerns with you again. Be calm, and
ask him about the drugs or if he consumed
alcohol and then educate him on the dangers
these substances. One of your primary roles is
being the positive in� uence, so it is vital that
your teenager feels comfortable talking with
you about anything.
5 Understand your teenager’s world
Teenagers o en live with fears and challenges
that may be di erent from your own. They
feel great pressure to be accepted by their
peers, making them highly susceptible to out-
side in� uences, which impacts their decisions
and priorities. This focus on friends causes
some parents to feel pushed aside. Teenagers
are challenged physically and emotionally:
their bodies are busy supporting dramatic
growth spurts, while their minds are trying to
cope with hormone-fuelled moods. To make
ma ers worse, many teenagers are exposed
54 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
to negativity and trolling on social media and
other websites that make them feel helpless
and overwhelmed. Add to this the pressure
felt by many teenagers to meet their parents’
or teachers’ expectations. To escape, or experi-
ment, some teenagers try drugs or alcohol,
further complicating their lives. You can make
your teenager’s life easier by ge ing to know,
and understanding, his or her struggles.
6 Don’t alienate your teenagerYour relationship with your teen is the
benchmark for all her future relationships,
so ensure that this relationship is based on
mutual respect. You need to trust her, but this
trust must be developed. If your teenager tells
you that she is going out, let her know that
she needs to call or text you, if plans change.
If she does not make contact, consequences
need to be enforced. Avoid resorting to
unconstructive criticism, name-calling,
yelling, swearing, giving the silent treatment,
trying to dominate or making irrational
threats that you never carry out. Such tactics
will only result in drama and unhappiness,
and will fuel her rebellious streak. Create an
environment for your teenager that includes
love, respect, healthy boundaries, and
consequences, for their safety, wellbeing and
for the bene�t of the household.
7Watch over your teenagerYour teenager may no longer want to
socialise with you, and instead may spend
hours alone with his cell phone or on the
computer in his bedroom. While teenagers
need their space, watch out for any abnormal
changes. If your teenager avoids any
conversation with you, or her sleep pa erns
or eating habits change, or she seems socially
withdrawn, then seek professional help
with a counsellor or psychologist. Your child
is at a vulnerable age where depression,
anxiety, and self-destructive behaviour tend
to develop. Educate yourself on the signs of
distress and watch over your teenager closely.
If you are feeling le out and frustrated by
your teenager, take a step back and consider
how fragile teenage years are. Your teenager
may feel uncertain about her future, as she
tries to discover who she is and what she
wants from life. She will bene�t greatly from
your time, friendship, acceptance, support
and love. Your teenager is a soul given to
you on loan. Your role is to educate, praise,
love, and get to know your teenager’s world.
The way you treat her today will impact her
future for be er or worse.
Avoid unconstructive criticism, name-calling, yelling, swearing or giving the silent treatment to your teen
COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL X ISSUE 04 FEBRUARY 2016 55
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digital edition, visit http://bit.ly/cwdigital
56 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
THE AIKIDO OF
COMMUNICATION
relationships
Manage
Where are your communication dii culties? Do you i nd yourself accommodating
too often, shutting down, taking another’s comments personally or being overly
competitive or argumentative?
By Judy Ringer
COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL X ISSUE 04 FEBRUARY 2016 57
I’VE ALWAYS BEEN interested in things that
keep me stuck and have worked toward � nding
freedom in those stuck places. Communicating in
di cult moments is one of the areas I’ve studied
and used what I learned to replace the bad habits
with more useful ones.
In 1984, I discovered Aikido and found
that this martial art and the art of intelligent
communication have much in common. I also
found that practising Aikido helped me to be
a more skilled communicator. As a martial art,
Aikido is � owing, dance-like and powerful. As a
communication metaphor, it represents a di erent
and more elegant way to exchange ki [life energy].
We are, always and everywhere, giving and
receiving life energy in the ways we speak, move
and act. When we are centered and aware, we
communicate more intentionally. This is just one of
the things Aikido teaches.
Aikido also physically embodies critical com-
munication skills, such as active listening, empathy
and perspective taking, and o ers ways to re-pat-
tern unhelpful communication habits. For exam-
ple, in everyday life, the Aikido metaphor plays
Judy Ringer is
author of Unlikely
Teachers: Finding
the Hidden Gifts
in Daily Conflict,
a second-degree
black belt in Aikido,
and founder of
Power & Presence
Training. To know
more visit www.
JudyRinger.com
out when you acknowledge someone’s comments
and paraphrase what you hear. You’re also practis-
ing communication Aikido whenever you listen
with curiosity to an opposing view or search for
mutual understanding, respect and purpose.
Aikido: The Art of PeaceMorihei Ueshiba, a highly skilled and renowned
Japanese swordsman and martial artist, developed
communicate, listen, and manage con� ict. And
I’ve found that certain practices and a itudes
from Aikido are particularly useful when
communicating in di cult circumstances.
1 Reframing. In Aikido, it is o en said that
the opponent’s a ack is a gi of energy. With
this shi of mindset, I stop resisting and instead
connectwith my partner. In communication, this
might take the form of asking a direct question:
“Can you tell me more about why you think this is
the best solution?” or acknowledging a feeling: “
You sound concerned that the direction we’re tak-
ing may not be the best one.”
2 Non-judgement. As human beings,
we are experts at forming judgements about
everything. For example, if during a conversa-
tion, you begin to draw conclusions about who’s
right and who’s wrong, you will � nd it di cult to
stay open to possibility. Once we judge someone
as a problem, that’s all we see in them and we
miss their more open, empathetic parts. Becoming
non-judgemental is a practice, and the � rst step is
noticing that you’re doing it.
3 Curiosity and inquiry. The antidote
to judgement is a mindset of curiosity and
inquiry. This mindset will empower you and keep
your communication safe and on track. People
who are sincerely curious, ask honest and open-
ended questions, such as:
>> How did you feel when that happened?
>> What were you hoping for?
Aikido in the early 20th century. The word Aikido
is o en translated as “the way of blending or
harmonising with energy” or more simply “The
Art of Peace.” Aikido principles such as blending
[stepping out of the line of the a ack and moving
alongside the a acker] and non-resistant leading
[joining and redirecting the incoming energy, or
ki]—are used and taught throughout the world as
a system to de-escalate con� ict and build stabil-
ity, � exibility and presence. In Aikido, the a ack
is reframed as power that can be developed and
guided. The Aikidoist does not resist, block or
harm the opponent. What would normally be
understood as an act of violence is seen simply as
energy to be utilised.
A er many years of practising and teaching
Aikido and applying its principles in the
workplace, I’ve found that things change
dramatically when you reframe an a ack as
incoming energy that can be guided toward a
mutually agreeable outcome. It changes how we
58 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
The Aikidoist does not resist, block or harm the opponent
Aikido on the mat
>> What do you think is the best solution here?
>> What would you like me to do di erently?
It may be di cult at � rst to ask questions when
you really want to push for your way. But remem-
ber that listening is not agreement. Listening gives
you needed information and reduces tension and
resistance on both sides.
When I’m teaching Aikido on the mat, I see the
physical embodiment of curiosity and listening
each time the person receiving the a ack steps out
of the way, slides to the a acker’s side, and faces
the same direction as the a acker. In communica-
tion, we do this when we ask a question that helps
us see what the other person is seeing.
4 Appreciation. In communication
situations, when you encounter resistance to
your message, the last thing you probably want to
do is appreciate that resistance. Yet, that’s exactly
what we do in Aikido when we manage a physical
a ack by joining and leading it.
Our skill in communication lies in our ability to
identify the resistance and help the communicator
to express it. For example, “I’m not sure I under-
stand, can you say more?” Without something to
push against, the resistance turns into energy we
can join and lead toward further understanding
and problem solving.
This is verbal Aikido. And you practice it when
you:
>> Ask the other person more about his or her
concerns.
>> Name the resistance, as in, “Are you frustrated
by what just happened?”
>> Be quiet and let the other person � ll the silence.
>> Don’t take it personally.
Being heardThe Aikido of Communication also includes
educating others about where you stand. Through
reframing, non-judgement, curiosity and apprecia-
tion, you have reduced resistance and created an
opening for your ideas to be heard.
As you create the opening to advocate for your
point of view, the following steps will help.
>> Educate. When it’s time to share your point of
view, don’t assume the other person can see
it. Teach him what things look like from your
point of view.
>> Communicate your hopes and goals. For
example, “When you said you would have the
spreadsheet ready by Tuesday, I took you at
your word. My hope is that we all recognise the
importance of deadlines on a project that’s as
time sensitive as this one. Can you tell me what
happened and what we can do to remedy the
situation?”
>> Remain curious. Don’t forget that everything
you experience is � ltered through your per-
ception. As Stephen Covey says, “Seek � rst to
understand.”
>> Centre yourself and extend positive energy. In
Aikido, we remain centred and focussed on a
mutually bene� cial outcome. In life and busi-
ness, you do the same when your language and
manner are poised and � exible, and you make
your adversary a partner by honouring her
viewpoint and positive intent.
Morihei Ueshiba said to “always practise the
Art of Peace in a vibrant and joyful manner.” Aiki-
doists try to remember this as we throw each other
around the mat, smiling and having fun while we
practise to perfect our technique. Practising Aikido
concepts as we talk, listen and acknowledge each
other will allow us to become more aware and
mindful, and more skilful in our communication.
COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL X ISSUE 04 FEBRUARY 2016 59
In Aikido, we focus on a mutually beneficial outcome
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Life with an AS partner
marriage & intimacyUnlearn
IN THE PAST, AUTISM WAS thought to be
something that only a ected children who
couldn’t speak, function, or interact with the
world around them. However, in the last two
decades, we’ve seen higher-functioning adults
coming out of the closet, so to speak, and
even being popularised by movies such as
Shah Rukh Khan’s My Name is Khan and more
recently The Imitation Game with Benedict
Cumberbatch.
Asperger Syndrome [AS] is a mild form
of autism. Considered to be a neurological
condition, AS a ects many successful adults
in the IT, science, engineering, technology,
� nance, and even medical professions. Low-
functioning children with autism o en have
a borderline or lower than average IQ and
many lack verbal language. Higher-function-
ing adults are the reverse. Many of them have
sophisticated vocabularies and IQs that are in
the average to superior range. In fact, those
with the more “invisible” brand of autism
o en thrive in academia and even become
leaders in the � elds of science, technology,
� nance, or engineering. But while their IQs
are higher, their EQs are low. Their brains are
uniquely con� gured to work with machines,
data, facts and � gures; however, they struggle
to express their emotions or understand the
feelings and needs of another person. While
o en successful at institutions such as IIT and
MIT, they lack insight into how their behav-
iours and words a ect those around them.
Take the case of Mitu, a woman married
to Aman, a man with AS. Mitu came to see
me for counselling because she was desper-
ately lonely and unhappy in her relationship.
Aman barely spoke to her other than to dis-
cuss their children’s homework and his par-
ents’ ailments. And his interactions with their
two children were con� ned to checking their
daily homework. Mitu said that Aman had
always been a loner and had no real friends
to speak of. He also seemed overwhelmed by
his job as a so ware engineer and wedged-
out in front of the TV most nights, completely
ignoring his family. Without conversation and
physical or verbal a ection from her husband,
Mitu became deeply depressed. When she
tried to speak to him about these issues, he
would shut her down by telling her to “stop
nagging and go see a psychologist” to � nd
out why she was so unhappy!
Life can become very painful for spouses
like Mitu. Prior to learning about AS, Mitu
had mistakenly come to believe that it was all
her fault. Over time, she became increasingly
depressed and when she tried to con� de in
close friends or family members, they would
say, “What are you talking about? Your
husband is such a nice guy,” or the popular,
“all men are like that!” Only Mitu knew that
her experience of marriage was traumatising
and unusual. She felt exhausted and was
beginning to have health issues brought on
by stress and the complete lack of emotional
connection with her husband.
Obtaining a diagnosisThe big problem right now is that the major-
ity of doctors or couples counsellors do not
Marriages where one partner has Asperger Syndrome can be painful and challenging, but help is available
By Eva Mendes
60 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
know about adults with AS. Most would
dismiss a spouse in Mitu’s position if she
tried to seek help by saying, “Are you sure
it’s not just a personality clash?” Or, “Seems
like youmight need to work on your anger
issues.” Even if they met someone like Aman,
they wouldn’t see that something is di er-
ent or odd about him because they might
consider that he has a successful career or a
“normal” demeanour. Adults with AS can be
very well groomed, physically a ractive, and
verbally skilled. Even well-meaning profes-
sionals might not pick up on the more subtle
signs of their social awkwardness and lack of
emotionality. When the professionals don’t
see how the wife could possibly struggle in a
relationship with someone who presents him-
self so well, they may a ribute the problem
to the wife and assume that she is lacking in
maturity.
A diagnosis is best done by an Asperger-
specialist who is experienced in identifying
adult AS. In my work, I take a comprehensive
wri en and verbal history of the individual.
I speak with the wife about her experience in
the marriage. I also conduct the diagnostic
interview over a total of four sessions and
observe how the person behaves and interacts
with me during this time.
Reading about and understanding Asperger SyndromeIf you are in a situation similar to Mitu’s,
and there aren’t any avenues of professional
help locally, reading books and articles on AS
and marriage can be the � rst step into really
considering whether your husband has AS
or not. Sometimes the husband is open to
learning about the information that his wife
gathers. He might even be relieved to learn
that his brain is di erent and that he’s not
a jerk. Alternately, some men resist the idea
that they are lacking in EQ. No ma er if your
husband is open to hearing about AS or not,
keep speaking to him about it when you feel
COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL X ISSUE 04 FEBRUARY 2016 61
like there is an opening. Individuals with AS
can o en come across as rude and intimidat-
ing with their sharp logic and biting tone;
my advice would be to not give up. Patiently
continue to read and even get counselling
with an Asperger-specialist.
Taking care of yourselfIf your spouse has AS, it’s imperative that you
take really good care of yourself and priori-
tise your health, otherwise you may be at risk
of developing numerous mental and physical
ailments. This is even more so if you’ve been
blaming yourself for the challenges in the
marriage and if you have no other emotional
support in the form of family or friends. You
can also become aware of how your own
behaviours may add to the con�ict in your
relationship, and learn to change some of the
ways in which you interact with your spouse.
If your husband/wife with AS has di cul-
ties picking up facial cues, vocal intonations,
and body language, they might monopolise
or struggle to initiate and hold conversa-
tions. You might feel frustrated, lonely and
abandoned by their lack of reciprocity and
communication. Therefore, you may have to
deliberately schedule time for regular conver-
sations and doing fun activities together. You
may need to create calendars and schedules
to help your spouse stay focused and organ-
ised as many individuals with AS struggle to
manage and prioritise time, tasks and space.
Your spouse with AS may also have trou-
ble understanding, predicting and respond-
ing to your thought-feeling state. He/she
may unintentionally or intentionally make
negative comments and do things that can
come across as insensitive and hurtful to you.
Expressing more compliments and positive
observations instead of criticisms is some-
thing they can learn to do.
Asperger-Speci�c couplescounsellingCouples o en report to me that working
with a counsellor who is unfamiliar with
AS was unhelpful and, in some cases, even
harmful. In general, it is important to invest
in a couple’s counsellor who specialises in AS
and has experience in working with couples
since the dynamics of a con�ict-ridden
relationship requires not only a wise and
compassionate approach, but also solutions
to get you unstuck and moving forward. As
an AS-specialist and couple’s counsellor, I
teach both the spouses in the marriage about
AS. I interpret their points of view and help
them understand each other be er. I also help
them to implement practical strategies in their
relationship. Without proper understanding
and solutions, marriages where one
partner might have AS can be painful and
challenging, but many couples are able to
improve their relationships by learning about
AS and by �nding the appropriate help.
Eva Mendes, LMHC is an Asperger/
Autism specialist, couples counsellor,
author and speaker. She is the author
of the book Marriage and Lasting
Relationships with Asperger Syndrome.
She has a private practice in Boston,
MA. Reach her at www.evmendes.com
INDIVIDUALS WITH ASPERGER’S
CAN COME ACROSS AS RUDE AND
INTIMIDATING WITH THEIR SHARP
LOGIC AND BITING TONE
Strategies for coping with your husband’s Asperger SyndromeMany individuals struggle with mental health
issues in addition to numerous AS traits. If
you realise that your spouse is struggling
with anxiety, depression, obsessive-com-
pulsive disorder [OCD], or a ention de� cit
hyperactivity disorder [ADHD] in addition to
AS, you may need to help her work with an
AS-specialist around these issues.
If your spouse is extra sensitive to smells,
sounds or touch then learning more about
sensory sensitivities can be useful. Sensory
sensitivities and a low EQ can o en lead to
physical intimacy issues, which need to be
addressed.
62 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
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mind & emotionsDecide
Should you broadcast your life online?At this very moment, as you read this,
millions of people have just shared
some minute detail about their life
with millions of others. Every second of
every day there are Tweets, Facebook
updates, Instagram images and a host
of other social media activities that
document our daily lives. But is all this
constant updating healthy?
By Graham Jones
COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL X ISSUE 04 FEBRUARY 2016 63
64 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
Graham Jones is a psychologist
who specialises in
Internet use and
behaviour. He is
the author of 29
books. He now helps
businesses profit
through a better
understanding of
the online behaviour
of their customers
and potential clients.
Know more at www.
grahamjones.co.uk
WE ARE DRIVEN to share things and
broadcast our lives due to some fundamental
psychological reasons. The most important
of these is our sense of self. We need to know
who we are as individuals, if we are to oper-
ate e ectively in the world around us. Imag-
ine if you woke up one day and had no idea
whether you wanted a cup of tea or a glass of
milk; or if you had no idea if you liked to eat
bananas or not. Our sense of self enables us to
know, instinctively, how to behave. We know
whether to have a cup of tea, whether we like
to eat bananas or if we prefer Bollywood to
Hollywood.
However, our brain needs constant re-
minding of our sense of self. It tends to forget
if we don’t feed it with regular information,
con� rming the kind of person we are. So,
every day we do things that provide con� r-
mation of our sense of self. When you are
with friends, for instance, and your subcon-
scious is thinking, “I’m a wi y person”, you
will make some comments that get a laugh.
That laughter acts as feedback to your brain
e ectively saying, “I told you so, I am wi y.”
Throughout our daily life, our brain gets con-
stant feedback to con� rm our sense of self.
So, when we see the opportunity to get
even more feedback on who we are, we grasp
it with both hands. Tweeting, posting on
Facebook, or adding a picture on Instagram
all help us gain more feedback through com-
ments, shares and likes.
In one sense, therefore, social media updat-
ing is a healthy pursuit as it helps us be more
aware of ourselves.
The downside
But there are also downsides to all this self-
broadcasting. Here are a few that you may
identify with:
>> One issue appears to be that of envy. When
we see many people posting holiday pic-
tures or a Tweet saying what a wonderful
restaurant they are in [again], we can feel
somewhat de� ated if our daily life is just
“normal”. For some people, this can be a
serious issue. Those individuals who are
already su ering from depressive illness
may experience a worsening of their condi-
tion, if they feel that their social media
friends are having a more interesting life
than themselves.
>> There is also evidence that when we have
been using social media, spending time
talking about ourselves, we are less likely
to be thinking straight. This means that the
activities we undertake immediately a er a
social media session could cause problems.
For e.g. people tend to overspend a er
social media activity.
>> We are more likely to use social media to
broadcast our lives towards the end of the
day. So social media activity, particularly
from mobile devices, disrupts sleep. That,
in itself, can have negative long-term
health implications.
>> The self-broadcasting obsession that some
Looking for validation on social media can affect your self esteem
COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL X ISSUE 04 FEBRUARY 2016 65
Maintain limitsIt is not advisable that every detail of one’s life be broadcast-
ed online as people may take advantage of the same. There
is an element of privacy in every relationship that needs to
be salvaged at all costs and cannot be made public. People
over-share their life online to make others feel how good
their life is. They may seek approval from people online and
value that a lot more than the approval of family members,
leading to deterioration of their personal ties.
Sharing details on personal events like new jobs, en-
gagement or marriage can lead to people putting in nega-
tive words before the event happens and causing hurdles
in the progress of such events. There is also an element
where personal photos may be morphed and put on social
sites with an aim to cause harm to the image of the person
concerned.
— Avinash De Sousa, Psychiatrist and Psychotherapist, Mumbai
Controversial images are an absolute noPeople have become so busy, that logging onto a website
seems an easier way of staying connected than making a
phone call or having a ‘tete-a-tete’ meeting. Through social
media people can connect with others when feeling lonely,
as it serves as a good support system. When you post a
negative experience and others reciprocate with concern
there is a feeling of warmth that you feel. A boy in his 20s
shared with me that being on a ‘mood app’ [wherein peo-
ple enter their moods at specific times] helps him to vent
out as well as gain perspective when others comment on
his moods.
The drawbacks to social media are that a person may get
addicted, distracted from their priority tasks and it may also
become a form of attention seeking behaviour. Like every-
thing, it should be used in moderation. You need to review
the reason why you are posting certain things [whether it is
to seek attention, venting or it’s a façade] and start address-
ing those issues instead.
I had a case of an 18-year-old who would post pictures of
the cuts on her wrists as a way of expressing her emotional
pain and seeking sympathy from others. She continued this
behaviour till her school found out and she was brought to
me for intervention.
I also had a case where a young adult who was extreme-
ly shy, used social media to project a completely different
picture of himself, that of being adventurous and happy.
However, he came to see me for depression and loneliness.
Neither his family nor his friends recognised this as they
went by his updates on social sites. He had been successful
at hiding the fact that he was suffering from low self-esteem
and not feeling good enough to live in this world. This feel-
ing was heightened when he would log on to Facebook and
look at posts of other “happy and lucky” people.
One needs to be careful about the kind of information
that appears to strangers. Restricting the view to “con-
tacts only” can avoid dangers of being stalked online or in
person.
It is important not to share private affairs such as a con-
flict with a loved one and posting provocative or controver-
sial images should be absolutely forbidden.
— Anjali Chhabria, Psychiatrist and Psychotherapist, Mumbai
people have with social media can a ect
relationships. Indeed, Facebook is now
cited as an issue in a signi� cant number of
divorce cases.
What’s the way out?So how can you gain the bene� ts of sharing
your life on social media, without any of the
downsides?
The answer is routine. One of the reasons
why people constantly jab at their mobile
phones in the hope that someone has sent
them a message is related to survival in-
stincts. If we don’t know when or if we are
going to get food, then we just eat what we
can and when we can. It is the same principle
with social media—if we don’t know when or
if we are going to get a message, we constant-
ly look for them. However, by establishing a
social media routine, you always know when
the next batch of messages will arrive.
When people have regular mealtimes the
same time everyday, they tend to remain the
same weight. People who put on weight tend
to have sporadic mealtimes. So their subcon-
scious gets them to eat at any opportunity
because it does not know if or when another
meal may arrive. That’s why snacking leads
to weight gain. Set regular meal times and
you are much less likely to gain weight.
It is the same with social media updating.
Set a regular time to do it every single day
and your brain soon gets used to knowing
that you will get your “� x” at 9pm tonight
for half an hour—or whatever time you go
online. Once you have a routine like that
established, you also improve your relation-
ships with those around you, plus you get
be er sleep as you are not constantly on your
mobile until you dri o .
Se ing a daily routine to deal with all your
social media activity in one or two sessions
a day will help you gain the positives while
reducing the negative consequences.
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MOODIS YOUR CHOICE
self-helpDecide
YOU ARE THE CATALYST of your own
happiness. The results you receive in life,
romantically, � nancially, physically and emo-
tionally, are all determined by your actions
and your actions alone. When you live by this
notion, you gain power over every curveball
life throws at you.
No other person, place or thing can perma-
nently change the way you feel deep inside.
They may distract you from your feelings
temporarily, but they cannot a ect the true
core of your soul.
As we can choose to pity ourselves in
the case of an unfortunate event, we can
just as easily make a conscious decision not
to. Optimism is a choice and, while it’s not
always the easiest one to make, it certainly is
the most ful� lling.
I consider myself an overall optimistic per-
son, and I o en � nd myself saying the same
thing to those who ask me how I remain this
way: “Life is what you make of it.”
While we may not always feel in charge of
our own emotions, we all hold the required
tools to take control. Mindfulness plays a
large role. With these six tips, you can decide
your emotional response to any given event.
1 Imagine life as a test you’re determined to pass. While it’s
easy to resent the world for its tragedies, its
annoyances and tiny mishaps, it’s actually not
that di cult to accept them instead.
Every event and every obstacle we face
can be considered a test of our character and
good will. Each day we are given the chance
to prove ourselves, to prove our true nature.
We should embrace these opportunities.
How to i nd lasting happiness by
choosing your emotional response
to any event
By Sarah Williams
66 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
Challenge yourself to accept what cannot be
changed.
Si ing in tra c can be a horrible, hellish
experience or it can be the best part of your
day. If you stopped hu ng and pu ng so
much, you’d realise that this is the only hour
you have solely for yourself. Take the time
to decompress. Listen to some good music.
Practice singing, or that dreaded presentation
you have to make at work. Catch up with an
old friend over the phone.
Or just smile at the miserable person in the
car beside you. Laugh at their misery. Maybe,
just maybe, they’ll laugh along with you.
2 Take a moment to digest.Why
are you supposed to wait 30 minutes to
go swimming a er you’ve eaten? Because
your body needs time to digest, or so your
mother says. Well, the same thing goes with
our emotions.
Remember the saying when you were a
kid, “Think before you speak”? Well, it’s even
more relevant as an adult. Taking a few extra
minutes, or even a whole day, to react to an
unse ling event might seem like a waste of
time, but it’s probably worth it. Not only will
digesting help you process your own feelings,
it will eliminate the risk of overreacting, and
later regre ing your response.
3 Surround yourself withrational, positive people.
Neuroscientist Giacomo Rizzola i explores
a theory involving “mirror neurons.” He
has found that neurons in the human brain
actually mirror what their eyes perceive,
which explains why we cringe when we
witness someone ge ing hurt.
“Every time I see you smiling,” Jonah
says, “my own brain lights up as if I’m smil-
ing.” Our emotions are in�uenced by the
emotions of those around us. Have you ever
smiled or giggled at a crying baby and seen
their face suddenly mimic yours? This is a
perfect example of the theory.
We feel what we see, even if it is un-
conscious or involuntary. It’s important to
surround yourself with people who will in�u-
ence you to make reasonable choices, and to
respond rationally.
4 React out of love, not fear.Another theory states that there are only
two basic emotions we all experience: love
and fear. All other emotions are variations of
these. Anxiety, anger, loneliness, depression,
inadequacy, confusion and shame are all fear-
based emotions, while joy, trust, compassion,
truth and satisfaction are based on love.
It is important to understand the core
of your emotional response to any given
event. What’s driving your reaction? If you’re
experiencing resentment, are you responding
out of fear? How can you eliminate your
distress?
Answering these questions will not only
help you control your reaction, it will enhance
your self-awareness and hopefully, make you
tolerate or, be er yet, accept the situation.
5 Switch roles.A good tactic for re-
sponding out of love, instead of fear, is to
look at the situation from a di erent point of
view. Usually, this means pu ing yourself in
your “opponent’s” shoes.
Can you see things in a di erent light?
Remember that this person can only act out of
fear or love as well, so they must be doing the
former. Give them the bene�t of the doubt.
Rather than arguing, try to �nd a way out of
fear or anger and into the realm of mutual
understanding.
6Don’t underestimate yourown integrity. Integrity is de�ned
as “the quality of being honest and having
strong moral principles.” We o en neglect the
importance of this virtue. We let ourselves o
too easily when we react poorly to a di cult
situation. “But, I was pissed,” we say, brush-
ing o the absurd mental breakdown we had
in line for our morning co ee.
We believe that it’s human nature to get
irritated, to overreact or to misunderstand.
We therefore think it’s OK to behave in ludi-
crous ways. We forget about the importance
of integrity, whose alternative de�nition is
described as “the state of being whole and
undivided.”
Balance is a key factor in choosing our own
mood and accomplishing the contentment
we all seek in life. Our own integrity can help
us make be er decisions and ultimately feel
ful�lled.
Sarah Williams is
committed to helping
others heal themselves
through nutrition
and the mind. Her
mission is to empower
people to believe in
themselves so they
can accomplish their
dreams and make a
difference in the world.
COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL X ISSUE 04 FEBRUARY 2016 67
To subscribe to Complete Wellbeing
digital edition, visit http://bit.ly/cwdigital
IT PAYS TO PLAY
self-helpManage
Find out how play can enrich all the dimensions of your life
68 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
By Marianne St Clair
IN THE LAST CENTURY, most cultures
have approached life in overly mental and
emotionally suppressed ways. We have been
over-thinking and placing too much emphasis
on intellectual intelligence rather than a
whole, full-bodied sensory approach to life.
Play is a state of mindPlay is a state of mind, yet more so it is also
a state of body, emotion and spirit. Living in
today’s world with so many demands on our
time, it is di cult for most to fathom taking
time out to play. We have been conditioned
from a very young age to “grow up” and
COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL X ISSUE 04 FEBRUARY 2016 69
70 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
Marianne St Clair is a life coach
who inspires her clients through the
Art of Play with fun and practical ways
to address life’s many facets such
as relationships, money, addictions,
sexuality and spirituality. Know more
at www.mariannestclair.com
become responsible adults. Remember when
you sat in class and were told to stop day
dreaming and focus on learning so you could
get good grades and become someone? What
happened to that kid? To the person you were
born to be? Over time, enculturation took
over and conditioned you away from play
and into a dutiful adult with no time allowed
for recreational activities.
The silent killer is the responsible adultMeet Dimitra, mother of two children, owner
of multiple businesses, an a orney, and a
yoga instructor. The responsibilities of wear-
ing many hats had Dimitra running from her
life when I met her. She was living in a town
that drained her spiritual energy; she was try-
ing to escape at any opportunity to avoid the
boredom that her soul was crying out against.
you away from it. What we know through
the law of a raction is that what we focus on,
we get more of. Thus, by talking about our
pains and what we don’t want to experience,
we are actually creating more pain, or the ex-
act thing we don’t want. We can never escape
pain by running from it. Moving away from
pain is an illusion. It keeps the past in our
present and future.
Pleasure seeking is not something we are taughtPlay gives access to a di erently ordered
space and time. Through engaging in the act
of play we begin to be fully present in the
moment and open to in� nite potential. When
Dimitra was able to stop running from the
pain and begin to tune into her authentic
self, she was able to remember things
about herself that she enjoyed and wanted
Brief escapes were temporary solutions
to what was brewing inside. She was run-
ning from the many pains that her childhood
conditioning was causing. She couldn’t fail at
her businesses so she had to keep striving to
make them be er to make more money; she
couldn’t be away from her children because
she had to be a good mother and be there
every day a er school for her children.
We can’t escape pain by running from itAdults should play all the way up to the last
breath. Play allows us to engage with our au-
thentic self without self-imposed or cultural
judgements. We were born into this life fully
engaged and connected to our fullest expres-
sion until the world started teaching us how
to shut down, constrict and disconnect from
what makes each of us unique.
Marketing in our culture is set up to get
you focussed on your pain and then to move
to do more of. Focussing on pleasurable
experiences that you wish to experience
opens you up to new possibilities and allows
for the Universe to conspire on your behalf to
make them happen.
Re-creational activities are fuel for your soulWhen travel to her home country of Greece
was impossible due to the country’s economic
situation, Dimitra could have stopped there
and had a miserable summer. Instead, she
booked her summer trip to somewhere she
had never been. Her month long adventure
began on the Caribbean island of St Croix
with her family as she explored the island
and enjoyed learning the island culture. She
expanded her passion for cooking in excit-
ing new ways because she was limited to the
food of the island—by necessity she became
a creative chef on a two burner hot plate. She
produced amazing gourmet meals from the
BY TALKING ABOUT WHAT WE DON’T WANT TO EXPERIENCE, WE ARE ACTUALLY CREATING THE EXACT THING WE DON’T WANT
fresh � sh her kids caught snorkelling and
the local produce. She played with everyone
at home too by sharing all the sights and
sounds of St Croix via social media to every-
one back home.
Play lightens our loadDimitra’s excitement ignited thousands of
people who were enjoying her trip through
photos of gorgeous beaches and foods, along
with videos of crab races and steel drum
music. Many were wishing they were there
because she was so engaged during her play-
time. Her energy was extremely contagious
because it was so vibrant. She was authentic
and true to herself.
At play, we are all children. Unburdened
by consciousness or self-consciousness,
we are fully in the moment. Su used with
pleasure, we exult in the sheer lightness of
girlfriend joined her for a week. Now she
used the knowledge she gained in the previ-
ous week about the island to become tour
guide and hostess sharing her gi s. All this
time she was at play just with a new adult
twist instead of family play. She was able to
explore the island from a new perspective
of rum, dancing and of course, shopping—a
girl’s favourite pastime.
Play from the boardroom to the bedroomWe learn a lot about ourselves and others
through play. Relationships and how we
interact with others remain a constant in
our personal and professional lives. If we
are absent and disconnected from our co-
workers, we will be so from our partner also.
The mirror of life will re� ect how we engage
with our playmates in all arenas. If we
COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL X ISSUE 04 FEBRUARY 2016 71
being. Yet, as welcoming and wonderful as
those feelings are, play’s value among adults
is too o en vastly underrated. It refreshes us
and recharges us; it restores our optimism; it
changes our perspective, stimulating creativ-
ity; it renews our ability to accomplish the
work of the world.
Play is an opening to our very beingBut there is also new evidence that play does
much more. It may in fact be the highest
expression of our humanity, both imitating
and advancing the evolutionary process. Play
appears to allow our brains to exercise their
very � exibility, to maintain and even renew
the neural connections that embody our
human potential to adapt and meet varied
environmental conditions. Play is an opening
to our very being.
When Dimitra’s family departed and
headed back stateside, she remained and a
eventually see ourselves as unappreciative
or controlling at work, generally we are
that way at home too. Play is a way to open
up and take risks and go into unexplored
territories. It opens up the brain and
connects the heart into a more coherent
state. Playing with others on the playground
of life creates intimacy in ways that will help
us learn more about ourselves.
The wonderful thing about playing is that
everyone is successful at it. Don’t just use
playtime to test or stretch your workday. Play
is a time to feel good about yourself and each
other—and to just have fun together. Perhaps,
most important of all, play is fun. Years later,
when we recall our life, it is the happy times
spent playing with special people that we will
remember most fondly.
THE WONDERFUL THING ABOUT PLAYING IS THAT EVERYONE IS
SUCCESSFUL AT IT. IT IS A TIME TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF
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THE UNKNOWABLE SELFThe deepest mystery of existence is the phenomenon of knowledge
By Osho
72 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
consciousnessTransform
YOU CAN KNOW EVERYTHING except
your own self. The knower cannot be known
because to know something means to reduce
it to an object. The very process of knowledge
depends on duality. I can know you because
I am here, inside, and you are there, outside.
You become an object. But I cannot know my
self because I cannot make my self an object.
I cannot encounter my self in any objective
way. I cannot put my self in front of me. And
if I could put my self in front of me then that
which is put in front of me would not be my
self. How can that which can be put in front
of me be my self? Really, the inner one which
will look at it will remain my self.
Self is subjective and this subjectivity can-
not be made objective. Hence, the paradox:
that which knows all cannot know itself;
that which is the source of all knowledge
remains unknowable. You have heard, it has
been preached, it has been told everywhere,
“Know thyself.” But how can you know your
self? You can know everything other than
you. One point will always remain unknown,
unknowable. That point is you.
Self is not objectiveThe word self-knowledge is not good at all.
Knowledge of the self is not possible. But
this may create a deep pessimism in you. If
knowledge of the self is not possible, then the
whole of religion becomes absurd because
this is what religion is meant to do—to give
you self-knowledge. Then there must be some
other meaning to the word self-knowledge.
Then there must be something, a hidden
dimension, through which you can know the
self and still not make it an object. Knowledge
must be possible in an altogether di erent
sense. In the world, whatsoever we know is
objective and the subject remains unknow-
able, the knower remains unknowable.
But can this knower be known? This is the
basic question, the basic problem. If there is
only one way of knowing—that is objective
knowledge—then it cannot be known. Hence,
all the scienti� c thinkers will deny that the
self exists. Their denial is meaningful. All
those who are trained to think in terms of
object, of objectivity, they will say there is no
self. Their saying this means that they cannot
conceive of another type of knowing. They
think that there is only one type of knowing
and that is objective. The self cannot be made
objective; hence, it cannot be known. And
that which cannot be known cannot be said
to exist. How can you say that it exists? The
moment you say that it exists you have said
that you have known it. You cannot assert
its existence. If it is not known, not only not
known but also unknowable, then how can
you say that it exists?
Scientists go on saying that there is no self,
that man is a mechanism and the conscious-
ness that appears is just an epiphenomenon,
a by-product. They say that there is no self,
there is no centre—that the consciousness
comes into existence just through chemical
phenomena and when the body withers away,
consciousness disappears. So for science,
death is total death; nothing remains a er it.
Consciousness is not substantial; it is a by-
product. It cannot exist without the body. It is
part of the body, just a combination of many
material things. It comes into being; it is not
elementary. It is a compound, a combination,
a synthesis, something which depends on
other things. There is no self. Science says
there is no self because the self cannot be
known.
Light is self-enlightening The very word science means knowledge.
And if something is unknowable, science will
not approve of it, science will not agree to
it. Science means that which can be known.
Only then is science not mystical. It cannot
fall into absurdities. For science, the very
COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL X ISSUE 04 FEBRUARY 2016 73
word self-knowledge is absurd. But still, re-
ligion is meaningful because there is another
dimension of knowing. Try to understand
that dimension of knowing where the known
is not reduced to an object. For instance, if a
lamp is burning in a dark room, everything
in the room is lighted, is known through the
light of the lamp. But the lamp is also known
by its own light. Everything else—chairs, fur-
niture, the walls, paintings on the walls—they
are known through the light. But through
what is the light itself known?
The light is self-enlightening: just by its
presence it reveals others and it reveals itself
also. But these two revelations are di erent.
When the chair is known through the light,
the chair is an object. The light falls on it and
if the light disappears the chair cannot be
known. The knowledge of the chair depends
on the light but the knowledge of the light
itself doesn’t depend on the chair. If you
remove everything the light will still be light.
There will be nothing to reveal but it will go
on revealing itself. The revelation of the light
is self-revelation.
Similar is the case with the inner phenom-
enon, the inner self. Everything is known
through it but it itself is known not by any-
thing else—it is a self-revealing phenomenon.
It reveals itself. Self knowledge doesn’t mean
that the self is known by someone else be-
cause then that someone else will be the self.
So whatsoever is known in an objective way
cannot be the self. Always the knower will be
the self. But how can this self be known? The
self is a self-evident, self-revealing phenom-
enon; nothing else is needed to know it. You
need not reduce it to an object.
Really, when all objects are removed from
the mind, when all the furniture is removed
from the mind, suddenly the self reveals
itself. It is self-revealing. Really, that is the
di erence between ma er and consciousness:
ma er is not self-revealing and consciousness
is self-revealing; ma er has to be known by
someone else and consciousness knows itself.
That is the basic di erence between ma er
and consciousness. There are trees but if there
is no conscious being they cannot be revealed;
they need someone’s consciousness so that
they can be revealed. There are rocks, beauti-
ful rocks, but if there is no consciousness they
will not be beautiful because then no one will
become aware that they are there. Their exist-
ence will be mute. Even those rocks will not
be able to know that they exist. Existence will
be there but there will be no revelation of it.
A small child comes playing near the rock:
suddenly the rock is revealed. Now it is not
a mute existence. Through the child the rock
has become assertive. Now the tree is revealed.
Now everything around the child becomes
alive in a new meaning. The child has become
a source of revelation. Everything around him
becomes alive. Hence, the deeper your con-
sciousness, the deeper you reveal existence.
When a Buddha is born, the whole exist-
ence celebrates in him because of such a deep
consciousness. All that is hidden in ma er
becomes manifest. It was never known before.
Just by the presence of an enlightened person,
the whole existence around him is enlight-
ened. Everything becomes alive, feels through
him. Consciousness reveals others, but there
is no need to reveal it for another conscious-
ness. It is self-revelatory.
Self needs no proofTake it from another angle: everything needs
proof because everything can be doubted.
But you cannot doubt the self; therefore the
self never needs any proof. Can you doubt
the self? One of the great Western thinkers,
Descartes, used doubt as a method to know.
He started his journey of knowledge through
doubt—a very penetrating doubt. He decided
that he would doubt everything unless he
stumbled upon a fact which could not be
doubted. And unless there is a basic fact
which cannot be doubted, you cannot build
the palace of knowledge because there is no
foundation stone to make it. If everything can
be doubted and has to be proved, then the
whole edi� ce is just logical.
Something deep down must be indubita-
ble, which does not need any proof. God is
74 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
IF A LAMP IS BURNING IN A DARK ROOM, EVERYTHING IN THE ROOM IS KNOWN THROUGH ITS LIGHT. BUT THE LAMP IS ALSO KNOWN BY ITS OWN LIGHT
not indubitable. Remember this: God is not
indubitable. He can be doubted—not only
doubted, he can be disproved. And really,
when someone doubts God you cannot prove
his existence. You can only convince those
who are already convinced, but you cannot
convert a new man; that is impossible. Not
a single atheist can be converted because he
needs proof and you cannot prove God.
God is not indubitable. He can be doubted,
rejected. The whole hypothesis can be said to
be false. There is no proof that can help. So
Descartes goes on discussing, inquiring, and
he says that unless he comes to a point, to
something in existence that is indubitable....
Not that it can be proved—no. Rather, it
cannot be doubted. And ultimately he comes
to the self and says that the self is a greater
reality than God. It is, because the self cannot
be doubted. Can you doubt it? Even to doubt
it you will have to have it.
For example, if you are in the house and
someone comes and asks whether you are in
the house or not and you say, “I am not,” the
very fact that you say “I am not” will prove
that you are there. You cannot deny yourself.
The very fact that you say, “I am not” shows
that you are there. The denial becomes the
proof. There is no need not to a rm it; even
denial becomes the proof. When even denial
is a proof, the fact is indubitable. How can
you doubt it?
You cannot say, “I do not know whether I
am or not”—or can you? Even to be in such
confusion, you need to be there. How can
there be confusion without you? You cannot
say, “I don’t believe that I am,” because even
not to believe, someone is needed to be there.
There is no way to deny that you exist, that
the “I” exists.
The only indubitable factThis self is the only indubitable fact in the
world; everything else has been doubted.
There have been skeptics who have doubted
everything, even ordinary things of which
you cannot conceive how they can be doubt-
ed. You are here but the English philosopher
Berkeley says, “I cannot believe that you are
here. You may be just a dream. And there is
no way to prove that you are not a dream, be-
cause when I dream, I dream of people such
as you.” And this is one of the essential quali-
ties of a dream: in a dream the dream appears
real. So if you are appearing real, Berkeley
says that does not prove anything, because
in every dream the dream appears real. Can
you doubt while you are dreaming? You
cannot: the dream appears real. Even a very
absurd dream appears real. It is just illogical,
irrelevant, but still it appears real while it is
there. So Berkeley says that there is no way to
prove whether you are real or not. You can be
doubted, everything can be doubted.
One of the greatest Indian mystics, Nagar-
juna, has doubted everything—everything! He
says nothing is real because everything can
be doubted. But there is only one point which
he goes on avoiding: he never talks about the
self because then his whole edi� ce, his whole
philosophy, would fall down—because that
cannot be doubted. It can be asked of Nagar-
juna, “Okay! The whole world is illusory and
everything can be doubted, but who is this
doubter? Do you doubt it—this doubter who
denies the whole world?” The self is indu-
bitable because it is self-evident. No proof is
needed, no argument is needed. It is self-evi-
dent. Mahavira denied God: he said there is no
God. But he couldn’t say there is no self. Then
the very self became divine for him. He said,
“Only the self is God.” And that is true: in you,
the self is the nearest thing to divine existence.
That is why it cannot be doubted. It is self-evi-
dent, self-revealing, self-enlightening.
This is the second way of knowing. The
scienti� c way is to know a thing as an object.
The religious way is to know the subject as
the subject. In a scienti� c way, knowledge has
three parts: the knower, the known and the
knowledge. The knowledge is just a bridge
between the knower and the known. But the
religious knowing does not have three parts.
The knower is the known and the knower is
the knowledge. This knowing is not divided
into three. It is one, it is undivided.
Excerpted from The Supreme Doctrine Courtesy: Osho International Foundation; osho.com
COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL X ISSUE 04 FEBRUARY 2016 75
Osho was never
born and never
died. He only
visited this planet
earth between 11
December 1931
and 19 January
1990. He was a
charismatic and
gifted speaker who
became the leader
of a worldwide new
spiritual movement.
76 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
Confessions of an
army wifeAnamika Nandedkar
shares with us what it
means to be married to
a man who serves in the
Indian Army
CONFESSION BOOTH
Illu
stra
tion
: M
AR
YA
M H
AS
AN
AH
MA
D •
ho
mesp
un
aro
un
d.b
log
spo
t.in
COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL X ISSUE 04 FEBRUARY 2016 77
What people don’t know about us is that
we are amazing actresses too. We put up a
brave face for the world but deep inside we
are terri� ed for the safety and wellbeing of
the men we love.
We just don’t get enough opportunities to
stay together because that’s how life is in fauj
[army]. When our friends from the corporate
world talk about taking a solo vacation to get
some space from their spouses—we don’t
understand them. It is because army wives
like me desperately look forward to stealing a
sojourn with our husbands whenever we can.
In fact, we can count the exact duration in a
year [down to the last minute] that we stayed
as a couple before duty knocked at the door.
Time to killA er marrying Major Sa’ab [high ranking of-
� cer], I se led into a role of a full-time house-
wife, leaving behind a steady career. I must
confess that I enjoyed every moment of the
� rst six months. Having worked as a journal-
ist for many years, covering sporting events
around the country, I � nally had time to read
that book and cook that dish—and do all the
other things that I had kept waiting since a
long time. I felt like a rich person amongst all
my colleagues, having the one thing they did
not have—free time!
But alas... I had underestimated the Army’s
talent of keeping its o cers and ladies [yes,
us too] on their toes during peace postings.
We had AWWA [Army Wives Welfare As-
sociation] functions to a end, family meets
to organise, ladies meets to practise for and
a end every social engagement.
The extent to which we plan our livesI almost burst out laughing when I was told
that the station commander’s wife had called
a Banarasi saree seller to her place and had
asked all interested ladies to join her in saree-
shopping. Who had so much time on their
hands?
But that was not to be treated as an invita-
tion. It was a farmaan, an order!
So I accompanied all the ladies of the Unit
to the memsahib’s bungalow to check out some
sarees. And I had to hand it to the lady; she
had indeed done us all a great favour by get-
ting that saree-man to her place. He had some
of the most beautiful Banarasi sarees and at
irresistible prices.
I am a saree-freak, so I enjoyed feasting
my eyes on silks and crepes. I did not buy
anything though—de� antly disobeying mem-
sahib’s hints that I should get one—because I
was out of job and felt it below my dignity to
ask my husband for money [a situation that
changed very soon].
The other ladies went home with a bunch
of sarees, having already earmarked them for
future functions.
“This blue saree is for the monsoon theme
party.”
“I will save this black one for a dinner func-
tion.”
“There will be a ladies’ meet during the GOC
visit right? I’ll wear this crepe saree there.”
I was amazed to see their planning! It put
the government’s panch-varshiya yojna [� ve-
year plans] to shame.
Chivalry isn’t extinct“Don’t call me Ma’am, please.”
“Ok Ma’am.”
I gave up trying to convince o cers to
call me by my name. I was not used to being
called ma’am; it felt unnatural, especially
when someone belonging to my father’s gen-
eration addressed me so.
But that’s when I realised—if there is one
place where a woman can enjoy the company
of chivalrous gentlemen, it would be in the
Armed Forces.
WE ARE A TYPICAL TRIBE.
Yes, we are. There are certain
a ributes unique to us. Many of
you presume that we are super-
stylish women who are party
experts and travel all over the
country with their dashing and
well-groomed husbands in smart
uniforms. Some of you know us
as the women who live in bunga-
lows-too-big-for-our-own-good
and enjoy discounts too-good-to-
be-true at military canteens.
78 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
And I am not talking about pulling-the-
chair and holding-the-door-open kind of
chivalry. I am talking about a deeper sense of
honour and responsibility that makes the men
in uniform take care of their women folk.
These bravehearts will help each other to
any extent, even if they are not particularly
fond of each other—they take the meaning of
the word camaraderie very seriously. Women
get pampered the most. And we love every
moment of it. Occasionally, my husband
would make sure that I didn’t get carried
away and brought me back to reality. He tried
to “groom” me into becoming a good exam-
ple for others.
Dress up!There is a long list of words that civilians
don’t use, but faujis [army men] can’t do with-
out. Like, detailement, fall-in etc. Grooming is
another word that faujis like to use a lot.
I was amused on seeing a sign board
outside a military mess. Something about
the way “O rs’Mess” is wri en triggers the
journalist in me, wanting to point out that any
normal person would read this as “O ers”
instead of “O cers”.
I also had a hearty laugh when my hus-
band �rst said he needed to “prepare his
dress” for the next day.
“Dress? Ha ha ha! Are you a woman that you
want to wear a dress?”
Major Sa’ab frowned. He opened his ward-
robe and made me memorise the names of all
his “dresses”. Games dress, ceremonial dress,
Number One dress, Number Two dress,
combat dress and so on. I learned it the hard
way that in Army, even the men wear dresses.
And they do it in style! We, the army wives,
sometimes have to catch up with them in this
department.
I had to undergo a complete wardrobe
makeover to cater to the requirements of eve-
ry occasion [in every season]. This involved
spending a bomb on sarees, which is the unof-
�cial dress code for army women at any social
function. Army wives are experts at wearing a
saree in �ve minutes �at, �ve times a day.
Interacting with soldiers’familiesI realised how li le I knew about the
organisation before I married my husband.
To a girl my age, only the glamour of crew
cuts, aviators and powerful bikes was visible.
It was only a er I started living with my
husband in his Unit that I came face-to-face
with things that only an army wife will
come across.
The most memorable among those things
was my interaction with Jawaans [soldiers]
and their families. Learning about the kind of
background they come from and their hard-
ships was the jolt that brought me back to
earth and snapped me out of my fantasy.
Most wives of Jawaans came from villages;
some had not even passed class 10 while
some were post graduates. I was told that
the women looked up to the wives of o c-
ers [provided we were nice to them] and I
needed to always be by their side.
I was shocked to learn that many of them
don’t get to stay with their husbands for 3 – 4
years at a time and have to live alone or with
the husband’s extended family, which comes
with its own set of problems.
One young wife asked me how much I
earned, and responded with a shocked ex-
pression when I told her.
“Can women earn that much money? Can I
too?”
I didn’t know what to tell her. I asked her
what her education was, to which she replied
that she was a computer graduate. I gave her
advice about how she should not waste her
time at home and get a job, citing that many
options she had and sincerely hoping that she
will pick at least one of those. I don’t know
the outcome of that pep talk as my husband
got his posting orders the next month. But
I hope to meet that young woman again
someday and learn that she is doing well for
herself.
That’s the beauty of this organisation. We
meet, we bond, and we party like there is no
tomorrow. And very soon, it is time to pack
our trunks, say goodbye and move to a new
place to start all over again.
That’s life for us. And we appreciate its
value like no one else.
Anamika Nandedkar is a
journalist and creator
of the blog www.
acuriousarmywife.
wordpress.com. Being
married to an Army
officer, she is fully
enjoying her nomadic
life which is a “shaken
and stirred” cocktail of
adventure and anxiety.
I ALSO HAD A HEARTY LAUGH WHEN MY
HUSBAND FIRST SAID HE NEEDED TO
“PREPARE HIS DRESS” FOR THE NEXT DAY
To subscribe to Complete Wellbeing
digital edition, visit http://bit.ly/cwdigital
yogaExplore
COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL X ISSUE 04 FEBRUARY 2016 79
Yoga for PCOS
DURING A RECENT seminar on PCOS, a
gynaecologist revealed that till a few decades
ago, during their annual presentations, only
one paragraph would be allo ed to PCOS.
Today, there are long presentations just on
this one topic.
Estimates suggest that Polycystic Ovary
Syndrome [PCOS] a ects 5 – 10 per cent of
women of reproductive age. The symptoms
of PCOS are any or all of the following: hair
fall, irregular menstruation, acne, pimples,
baldness, dandru , miscarriage, facial hair,
weight gain, high blood pressure and sugar
imbalances due to insulin resistance. PCOS
also increases the risk of heart a ack, diabe-
tes, stroke, anxiety disorder, depression and
uterine cancer.
But every problem has an inherent solu-
tion. The good news is that a regulated and
disciplined lifestyle can reverse this problem.
“PCOS is growing like an epidemic due to faults
in the lifestyle, especially, in young girls. It can be
completely kept under control without any com-
plications through yoga, right diet and a healthy
lifestyle,” says Dr Sudeshna Ray, Mumbai-
based gynaecologist.
Let’s look at how yoga can help to manage PCOSTo treat PCOS, it is important to focus on
the postures which help direct oxygen rich
blood to the reproductive organs. Hence, all
the asanas which are meant to stretch and
expand the lower back and hips will fall in
this category.
Prasarita Padotanasana [wide legged forward
bend]: Stand with your feet wide apart [4
– 5 ], bend forward to place your palms on
the � oor, inhale, raise your head up to get a
concave back, bend your elbows, exhale and
place your crown in between your palms.
Maintain the posture with normal breathing
for a while.
Bene� ts:
>> Stimulates your liver, kidneys, calves, hips,
groin, knees and spine.
>> Calms the mind and releases muscular
sti ness.
Did you know that besides a� ecting fertility, PCOS increases the risk of heart attack,
diabetes, stroke, anxiety disorder, depression and uterine cancer? Fortunately, PCOS can
be cured with the help of yoga and lifestyle changes
By Shammi Gupta
Prasarita Padotanasana
Upavista Konasana. Sit with your legs
stretched in front of you and spread as far
apart as possible. Start bending forward as
per your comfort, while exhaling. Your aim
should be to � nally touch your head to the
� oor and your hands to your toes.
Bene� ts:
>> Stretches and strengthens your hips, lower
spine, and muscles from the upper chest to
the pelvis.
>> Helps the pelvic � oor get increased blood
supply.
>> Eases the pain of sciatica, regularises
menstrual � ow, stimulates ovaries, and
stretches hamstrings.
>> Recommended during pregnancy as well.
Baddhakonasana. Sit with your feet in
Namaste position [soles touching] for 1 – 2
minutes. Slowly bend forward and get into
a comfortable, relaxed position as shown in
the picture.
Bene� ts:
>> Helps direct blood � ow to the abdo-
men and pelvis thereby stimulating the
abdominal organs, ovaries, uterus, bladder
and kidneys.
>> Helps with sciatica, menstrual irregularity,
high blood pressure, asthma, infertility,
depression and fatigue.
>> Recommended for pregnant woman.
Apart from the ones mentioned above,
asanas like u hita trikonasana, u hita
parsavakonasana, paschimo anasana and
adhomukha svasana are also bene� cial. Addi-
tionally, the practice of suryanamaskar alone
can bring tremendous bene� ts and help keep
weight in check. Suryanamaskar is a series
of 12 postures which stretches and � exes the
complete spine, works on the arms and the
legs and internal organs and glands.
According to some schools of thought, it
is best to avoid inversion postures if you
have PCOS.
Managing the stress that comes with PCOSStress can be a cause of PCOS and also a
result of it. Activating your parasympathetic
nervous system with restorative postures,
correct breathing and pranayama can help
80 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
Baddhakonasana
Upavista Konasana
manage stress. Pranayamas promote deep
relaxation and hormonal balance bringing
adrenal and cortisol levels within control.
Ujjayi Pranayama [victory breathing].
Performed at the basic level, one needs to sit
upright, and inhale and exhale while con-
stricting the throat. You will hear ‘sa’ sound
during inhalation and exhalation.
Bene� ts:
>> Expands your lungs fully so that you uti-
lise your lung capacity to the optimum.
>> Generates vital energy, tones and soothes
the nervous system, and balances high BP.
Nadi Shodhan Kriya [alternate nostril
breathing]. This is popularly known as anu-
lom vilom. You block your right nostril with
your right thumb, inhale from the le nostril,
then block le nostril with right ring and li le
� nger, release right nostril and exhale. Then
inhale from the right nostril, block right nos-
tril again with right thumb, release le nostril
and exhale from le nostril. This is one cycle.
Bene� ts:
A few cycles of anulom vilom where you are
breathing mindfully can calm your mind,
increase oxygen level in the body, relieve
fatigue, strain and weakness and also lower
high blood pressure.
Mudras for PCOSThese are hand gestures that can be held
while doing pranayamas or at any other times
during the day.
1Gyan Mudra or Jnana Mudra is the mudra
of wisdom. This mudra is performed by
joining together the tips of the thumb and the
index � nger. Per-
forming this mudra
helps to increase
will power. It also
balances the func-
tion of the various
glands and stabilises
hormonal disorders.
COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL X ISSUE 04 FEBRUARY 2016 81
PCOS, yoga and weight lossWeight gain is a common effect of PCOS and one that is most
upsetting. Hormonal imbalance leads to uncontrollable weight
gain. Hence, managing weight is critical to get a grip on the
situation. Once in control, it is easier to handle the other is-
sues associated with it.
Yoga postures can be performed in a sequence dynamically
to increase heart rate and provide a cardiovascular workout.
This accelerates weight loss and also improves the health of
the heart. Hatha yoga postures, when performed in its tradi-
tional way i.e., holding the posture for a certain period of time,
thereby applying the principle of static contraction [isometric
type], helps build strength, increase muscle mass and combat
insulin resistance. Also, there are asanas that can stimulate
different organs and bring hormonal balance.
Shammi Gupta, founder of Shammi’s
Yogalaya is a
naturopath, MA in yoga
shastra and certified
in American College
of Sports Medicine
& Myofascial Tissue
Therapy. She teaches a
combination of Classic
Hatha, Iyengar and
Ashtanga Vinyasa and
conducts research on
yoga and sports.
It is bene� cial in sleeping disorders. Do this
for 15 minutes daily.
2Yoni Mudra is performed by joining the
thumbs and the index � ngers of both
hands and inter-
locking the other
� ngers. Thumbs will
face the ceiling and
index � ngers will be
facing the � oor. This
mudra is specially
designed for woman
and helps to relieve PMS, periods irregularity
and excess bleeding during periods. Do this
for 30 minutes followed by 5 – 10 minutes of
Pran Mudra.
3Pran Mudra is performed by joining the
tips of li le � ngers and ring � ngers with
the tips of the thumb. It helps reduce tension,
anger and irritability. Also relieves skin rash-
es, improves eyesight and removes impurities
from blood. Do this for 10 minutes daily.
Follow the whole series whenever conven-
ient during the day.
Lifestyle management is the key to PCOS
management. Hence, look at each aspect of
your life, manage it positively and you will be
relieved of this health concern.
If you have any further questions about how to manage PCOS with yoga, I will be happy to answer them for you. You may post your questions on ‘Ask Shammi’
segment on www.shammisyogalaya.com.
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COMPLETE WELLBEING
Body, mind and beyond
sleepDiscover
COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL X ISSUE 04 FEBRUARY 2016 83
What are you dreaming of?Presenting the nine most common dreams and what they are trying to tell you
By Theresa Cheung
LOSS OF BABY TEETH IS A SIGN OF GROWING UP, THIS DREAM COULD ALSO SUGGEST FEAR OF AGEING
YOUR TEETH ARE FALLING out. One by one
you catch them in your hand. There is nothing
you can do to stop it from happening. People
are staring at you. You rush into the restroom,
look in the mirror and see your toothless
re� ection smile back at you. You start to panic
and just as you are about to scream you wake
up. Relief! It was but a dream.
Yes, it was just a dream. But knowing this
doesn’t stop you from tapping your teeth to
make sure they are all there, and throughout
the day whenever you glance in the mirror
you can’t help but feel reassured to see your
teeth intact. The dream felt so real. What did
it mean? Should you visit your dentist? No,
your teeth are in great shape because you
visited your dentist a month ago a er having
the same dream. So, why are you having this
dream yet again?
Teeth falling out is one of the most com-
mon dreams people have, so there has to be
some kind of meaning to it. The great major-
ity of dreams are as unique as the person
who dreams them but certain dreams come
up time and time again. Here are nine of the
most common dreams we have and the psy-
chological reasoning behind them.
1NakedIn this extremely common dream, you are
with a group of people and suddenly you re-
alise you are the only person who is not wear-
ing anything. You are completely naked. This
dream suggests that you are feeling exposed
and vulnerable in your waking life; you need
to protect yourself. A � ip side interpretation is
that your subconscious is urging you towards
greater self-expression or the freedom to be
more honest in your relationships.
2Losing teethTeeth are a symbol of dominance and power
in the animal kingdom, so this dream could
suggest low self-esteem or con� dence. You
have lost your mojo and your dreaming
mind wants you to enjoy being you again.
Alternatively, as loss of baby teeth is a sign
of growing up, this dream could also suggest
fear of ageing or the need to let go of the past
in some way to move forward.
3Taking an examinationChances are you have had a dream where
you are about to take a test or examination or
are actually taking it. The simplest explana-
tion is that you are stressed out with your
work or studies, but it could also indicate
that you need to keep on top of things and
stay alert. You could be missing things out
and not paying enough a ention to impor-
tant details.
4FlyingThis exhilarating dream occurs when you
are quite literally feeling high—with joy.
Your dreaming mind wants you to savour
the moment while it lasts. If, however, your
waking life is anything but joyful then � ying
dreams are urging you to detach from your
problems, spread metaphorical wings and let
go of self-imposed limitations so you can see
the bigger picture.
5FallingDreaming of falling from a great height
suggests you are frightened of failing or are
feeling insecure and unsupported in some
way. Your dreaming mind is urging you to
deal with the issues that are overwhelming
you. Closely associated with falling is the
dream of drowning. Drowning also suggests
a sense of crisis or feeling overwhelmed;
an indication that you are metaphorically
drowned by the circumstances in your
waking life.
6Running away or being chasedEither you are feeling threatened in some way
in your waking life, or your dreaming mind is
trying to get you to face an issue or problem
that has been holding you back. Dreams of
being lost have a fairly similar meaning in
84 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
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that they also suggest you are feeling con-
fused and aren’t sure which way to turn in
your waking life. Your subconscious wants
you to � nd a direction, a solution.
7DeathMore a nightmare, many people worry
that dreams of themselves or their loved
ones dying may come true in real life. Rest
assured this is not the case as dreams are
symbolic and do not predict the future. If
someone you know in a dream dies, or is
dead, this means that the part of yourself or
the situation that person represents is dead,
or needs to die. If you are the dying person,
your dreaming mind is urging you to make
changes, let go of old ways or one stage in
your life and take a new path. So this is very
much an “out with the old, in with the new”
dream interpretation.
8Arriving late and car out of control!Your dreaming mind is telling you that
you are unprepared or have taken on
way too much. Another closely related
dream is when you dream about transport
di culties or are in a vehicle that suddenly
loses control. You may be the driver or the
passenger but either way it is a sign that you
are feeling powerless and a crash is likely
if urgent changes in your waking life aren’t
made soon or a bad habit isn’t corrected
or brought under control. Dreams about
phones or electrical appliances being faulty
have a similar meaning. You need to reassess
your life, take on less and focus on what
really ma ers.
9SexTypically we have sex in our dreams with
people who are not our partners, or dream
of our partners having sex with other people
but this does not mean you are going to have
an a air or that your partner is cheating.
If you are having sex in your dreams—
especially with someone you aren’t a racted
to in real life—your subconscious is urging
you to develop aspects of yourself that are
hidden. What aspect of yourself does the
person you have sex with in your dream
represent? For example, if you dream of a
celebrity, perhaps this suggests the desire for
more recognition or con� dence. And if you
dream of your partner cheating, don’t judge
or jump to conclusions. It could simply
mean that your partner is devoting too much
a ention to something other than you: work,
study, sports, a hobby, a pet and so on. It
could also indicate that you are dri ing
apart and need to reconnect.
Amazing youYour dreams do not predict the future or read
your mind but what they can do is shine a
symbolic spotlight on an area of your per-
sonality or your life that you need to resolve,
develop or pay more a ention to. If you listen
to what your inner therapist is trying to say,
you will � nd that every dream you have has a
great deal to say about you and your life—be-
cause in your dreams absolutely everything is
about YOU.
Theresa Cheung is the best-selling
author of The Element
Encyclopaedia of 20,000
Dreams [Harper Collins]
and Sunday Times
best-selling author of
An Angel Healed Me
[Simon and Schuster]
www.theresacheung.com
QWhat is epilepsy? How prevalent is it in
India?
AEpilepsy is a disease in which the
person gets seizures. It is estimated
that at least one per cent of the population
or nearly 12 million people suffer from
epilepsy in India.
Q What are the causes of epilepsy?
AEpilepsy can develop due to a vari-
ety of causes such as head injuries,
strokes, brain tumours, genetic and congeni-
tal disorders, brain infections like meningitis
and developmental brain disorders. How-
ever, the underlying cause is identified only
in 30 per cent of all epilepsy cases.
Q Who is at risk of developing epilepsy?
AEpilepsy affects people of all races.
It can begin at any time in life. The
condition is more common among children
and the aged. 25 per cent of cases afflict
individuals under the age of 14 years, while
35 per cent of all cases are observed in
patients above the age of 65 years. The
remaining 40 per cent of cases develop in
individuals who fall into greater wider age
group, from 15 – 64 years of age.
QWhat are the types of seizures that
patients with epilepsy have?
AThere are several different kinds of
seizures. Generalised tonic-clonic
seizures are easily identified by eye wit-
nesses or by-standers. The event is usually
characterised by a cry, followed by a fall. The
patient loses consciousness and the body
stiffens, which is followed by jerking of the
limbs. It may be accompanied by tongue
bite, frothing from mouth and sometimes
urinary incontinence. The patient remains
confused or drowsy after the event and may
have no recollection of the incident. While
this type of seizure is easy to diagnose,
there are other types of seizures that are
commonly seen, but are more difficult to
identify. These include:
>> Absence seizures – These begin and
end abruptly. They are common in
children and last for a few seconds. The
episodes are characterised by brief pe-
riods of staring spells and unresponsive
behaviour.
>> Myoclonic seizures – The patient has
generalised muscle jerks or spasms.
>> Simple partial seizures – The patient
experiences changes in sensation, limb
movements or feelings, without any loss
of consciousness.
>> Complex partial seizures – These
are characterised by brief episodes of
alteration in consciousness or confusion.
The patient is generally unaware of
these events. The symptoms may be
o h
A neurologist explains the brain disorder that causes
seizures and offers useful advice regarding the same
By Anil Venkitachalam
Epilepsy explained
86 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
International Day of Epilepsy8th February 2016
associated with auras and automatisms.
Auras are perceptual disturbances
experienced before the seizure happens.
They are usually in the form of seeing a
strange light, getting an unpleasant smell
or some confusing thoughts. The most
common automatisms are in the form
of lip smacking, swallowing, chewing,
picking and fumbling.
>> Atonic seizures – There is a sudden and
complete loss of muscle tone, resulting in
the patient falling to the ground.
Q Can seizures cause brain damage?
AGenerally, seizures cause brain dys-
function only for a temporary period. In
rare cases, recurrent or prolonged seizures
can have some negative effects over time.
However, in general, epileptic patients do
not have any noticeable changes in their
intelligence, cognition or alertness.
Q What are febrile seizures?
ASometimes, in infants and children,
a high fever can trigger a seizure.
This is described as a febrile seizure. In
most cases, these patients do not develop
epilepsy. Parents should however seek
medical attention immediately in case the
child has a seizure.
QWhat are the dangers that a patient with
epilepsy faces?
ASeizures are usually non-threaten-
ing and are unlikely to result in fatality
if dealt with promptly. Death is possible if
someone has a seizure in water or while
driving. Occasionally, a patient can aspirate
or choke during a seizure. Therefore, it is im-
perative to treat seizures as an emergency.
QWhat should one do when someone
has epilepsy?
AThe important thing to remember is to
keep the patient safe until the seizure
stops naturally.
Key points to remember:
>> Keep calm.
>> Do not try to stop the seizure forcefully.
>> Clear the area around the patient so as to
avoid any injuries.
>> Loosen the clothing to facilitate breathing.
>> Turn the patient gently to one side so as
to avoid choking. Do not attempt to force
the mouth open, as this can cause more
injury to the patient.
>> Wait for the event to get over and seek
medical help.
Q How is epilepsy treated?
ASeizure prevention is the goal of treat-
ment. The modes of treatment include
medications, surgery, vagal nerve stimula-
tion and ketogenic diet. Different antiepilep-
tic medications are also available, with the
specific types of medications and dosage
guidelines determined by a neurologist. In
general, medications are helpful in control-
ling seizures in up to 80 per cent of cases.
It is important to follow the dosage recom-
mendations precisely, as skipping medica-
tions or altering dosage can further exacer-
bate the problem. Another essential point to
remember is that medications do not cure
epilepsy, but only control the seizures. The
patient may have to be on medication for a
prolonged period of time.
QIs epilepsy related to any psychiatric
illness?
AOverall, epilepsy patients have normal
intelligence and brain function. Epi-
lepsy does not affect mental abilities, except
when associated with other neurological
issues. Epilepsy is different from psychiatric
disorders and in most cases epilepsy pa-
tients have normal moods and behaviour.
QCan an epilepsy patient lead a
normal life?
AYes, an epileptic patient can lead a
normal life. He can take up a regular
job, marry, have children and lead a healthy
happy life. Certain precautions do need to
be taken, especially while driving a car, trav-
elling or swimming. The patient is advised
to regularly follow up with a neurologist to
monitor his condition.
Anil Venkitachalamis a full time consultant
in neurology at Dr LH
Hiranandani Hospital,
Powai, Mumbai.
COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL X ISSUE 04 FEBRUARY 2016 87
88 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
Neatand chilled
living spacesManage
IT’S TIME FOR DINNER but there you are
with your head poking into the refrigerator.
Frantically shu ing jars back and forth on
the shelves, searching for that one crucial
ingredient you need to � nish the dish you are
preparing. You look in all the bo les and cans
in the hope to � nd it but in vain. If only you
had organised your refrigerator be er!
We may not give it much thought, but a
neat and well-organised refrigerator not only
makes it easier for us to fetch things from it
when we need them but also helps the food
stay fresh for long. Here’s how you can do it:
Arrange the shelvesClean the shelves well and then rearrange
them smartly such that your refrigerator is
more functional and be er suited to your
needs. If the arrangement of the shelves is
right, then your refrigerator will have more
air-circulation and will also look neat and
tidy. At least one shelf in the fridge should be
able to accommodate tall containers.
Use shelf linersSpills happen all the time and cleaning the
fridge shelf a er a spill can be a tedious
process. Protect your refrigerator from
spills by using shelf liners. There are many
shelf liners available in the market like so
towels, cling wrappers, white vinyl, plastic
transparent liners etc. Take your pick!
Whenever a spill happens on the shelf, all you
need to do is replace or clean the shelf liner.
Plus, shelf liners add a colourful touch to
your refrigerator.
Place similar items togetherArrange your food items based on their
category, type or usage and designate a
� xed place for them in your refrigerator.
For example, place your fruits in the low
humidity drawer, condiments in one place,
and milk and other beverages in another
place. This will help you to easily � nd the
items you need. You can also use trays to
further compartmentalise the items. Choose
trays that are not too bulky and do not take
more space by themselves. So you could
place all the condiments in one tray, sauces in
another and so on.
An e ciently arranged refrigerator can help you save time, plan your grocery shopping be er and is pleasing to the eyes
By Nithya Govindarajan
COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL X ISSUE 04 FEBRUARY 2016 89
Nithya Govindarajan is a business analyst and
author of nithyascorner.
com, a food blog that
specialises in Indian and
international recipes and
also kitchen related articles.
Use containers the right way >> Prefer square and rectangle shapes. Store
items in square or rectangle containers
because they can be stacked well and
would also � t into the corners easily. Also
make sure that the containers are covered
securely.
>> Choose see-through containers. See-
through containers are best because you
know what is inside the container and
what you are looking for. It also saves you
the trouble of labelling the containers.
>> Prefer glass containers. Glass containers
are eco-friendly and allow you to reheat
food in them to high temperatures.
>> Use matching colour containers. This is
not a must, but it’s a simple trick to make
your refrigerator look beautiful and well
organised. For example, you could coor-
dinate white and blue containers or same
colour containers.
>> ‘Use me soon’ tray. For foods that need to
be consumed within a week or so, place
them in a speci� c tray that is meant only
for items that are soon to perish. This way
there will be no wastage and you won’t
have to keep a list of those items on the top
of your mind.
Use freezer bags or green bagsSave space in your refrigerator by storing food
in air-tight bags, freezer bags or green bags.
Freezer bags: Store your food items in freezer
bags that are free from BPA [Bisphenol A].
Freezer bags are inexpensive and available
in di erent sizes. Also, they can be easily
stacked and labelled.
Green bags. Use green bags to store vegeta-
bles and fruits, as they tend to keep them
fresh for longer.
Use bo le stackerIt’s very likely that you will run out of space
to keep bo les in your fridge door and will
then need to use the shelves. To prevent the
bo les from rolling to and fro on the shelf use
a bo le stacker. These can be used to place
your wine, so drinks and ever ketchup bot-
tles. These stackers also hold cans well. You
can get it as a � exible rubber mat.
Label containers and shelvesLabel containers. Use food storage labels or
a marker to write down the item name and
the date it is packed in the container. By this,
every three days you could do a random
check and clean the refrigerator by removing
the unwanted containers.
Label shelves. If you have many drawers
and bins, label all of them just to identify and
replace the food items easily. This habit will
prove useful a er you’ve just got your grocer-
ies and are stocking up the fridge. Instead of
randomly dumping things in any shelf, labels
will make sure that each item has its desig-
nated place. Likewise, you could also store
food in a bin and label it as “Kids” so that
your kids could reach them easily.
Require cool air circulationIn order to prevent your food from spoiling
too early and to maintain your food at a
safe temperature, avoid overloading your
refrigerator with a lot of food. Cool air needs
to circulate to keep food at the required
temperature.
Organise items based on humidity and temperatureStore food items that spoil easily like curd,
desserts, fresh cream and ripe fruits on the
coldest shelf. Fruits could be stored in the low
humidity drawer while vegetables could be
kept on the high humidity drawer.
Small items aheadAlways place big items at the back of the re-
frigerator and the small ones in front, so that
you can clearly see what you have. This also
helps to avoid wastage of food items.
Store only necessary fruits and veggiesSome fruits and vegetables like onions and
potatoes do not need refrigeration. They can
be safely stored on your kitchen countertop
for two to three weeks. This way, you could
have more room in your refrigerator for food
that does require refrigeration.
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90 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
V O L U N T O U R I S M
TRAVEL WITH A CAUSE
travelExplore
When you choose voluntourism, you not only
enrich your life but also the world at large
By Shraddha Gupta
COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL X ISSUE 04 FEBRUARY 2016 91
The dream! Back in 2013, I wanted to take a month-long
vacation. My parents were supportive and ad-
vised me to � nd a purpose for my trip rather
than just spend my vacation lazing. Owing
to its mesmerising mountains and peaceful
spirituality, I was instantly drawn to McLeod
Ganj, a suburb of Dharamsala in Himachal
Pradesh. I imagined walking through the
quaint streets and visiting the monasteries; I
could even hear the sound of the gongs of the
Dalai Lama temple as they echoed through
the valleys.
My vision takes shapeWhen I � rst announced my decision of volun-
teering while on a trip, everyone around me
concluded that it was a bizarre idea. Hon-
estly, I was scared to go to an unknown place
and manage a solo trip for that long with no
familiar locals to lean on. But even though
I was afraid, I was also eager to help this
compassionate Tibetans-in-exile community.
I surfed the internet and applied for the role
of a volunteer teacher at the LHA Charita-
ble Trust, a non-pro� t organisation and one
of the largest Tibetan social work institutes
based in Dharamsala. A couple of days later
I was accepted for the position, and soon my
bags were packed and I was ready to leave.
I � nd purposeWhen I arrived in McLeod Ganj, I was
received by a representative of LHA, who
helped me � nd accommodation for the
next month. At noon, I was inside the LHA
o ce, a small green building with ordinary
classrooms, a few li le o ce spaces and a
simple homely charm. I was welcomed by the
volunteer coordinator, who then introduced
me to all the other volunteers. They had come
from di erent parts of the world, for the same
purpose—“to teach the ones who needed
it the most”. Later that a ernoon, I met my
student, a fair and beautiful Tibetan nun with
twinkling eyes and a pure smile. Her � rst
words to me were, “Tashi Delek, my teacher.”
The phrase “Tashi Delek” can be roughly
translated as “blessings and good luck” and
it is a greeting that is characteristic of the rich
Tibetan culture.
VOLUNTOURISM IS A COMBINATION of volunteering and tourism, where people get
to visit a new place and at the same time help those less fortunate than themselves. They
can choose to get o the beaten path and visit remote villages, mingle with the locals and
understand their lifestyle and culture. As volunteers, they can educate children or help
build an infrastructure for those who do not have even the basic amenities that we take for
granted. Volunteering overseas is a growing trend, but there are also a lot of opportunities
for voluntourism within our country.
A nun and student at LHA getting
lessons in English
Brazil and South Africa are among the top
destinations with such opportunities, not only
to teach di erent languages, but also to help
in ecological research, conservation e orts,
restoration, business development, market-
ing local businesses, or provide assistance in
therapy, childcare and so on.
Tips for voluntourismVoluntourism may not change the world
overnight, but the smallest e orts can, at
times, make a big di erence. While I sincerely
hope that more travellers will be inspired
to volunteer while travelling, here are a few
tips to make your experience memorable and
problem-free:
>> Do your research and �nd an organisation
that you trust, value and respect.
>> Opt for cheap and a ordable local home-
stays, when looking for accommodations
for a longer period of time.
>> Plan your stay for a minimum of 10 days
or more, to make the most of your experi-
ence, and to be able to really contribute to
the cause for which you volunteer.
>> Be open to the culture around you, and
learn as much as you can from the locals.
Relinquish your modern luxuries, and eat,
sleep and live like they do.
>> Don’t be a tourist, be an explorer or
adventurer, ready to discover and always
appreciative of new cultures and places.
>> Last but not the least, remember that travel
can also contribute to a greater cause.
The decision that changedmy lifeThe decision to stay locally was a turning
point in my trip—and my life. I made new
friends and learnt a lot from them, in turn
sharing what I knew. My stay had a de�ni-
tive purpose now; I taught my student basic
English and cha ed with her for hours to im-
prove her grammar. In return, she taught me
a set of new Tibetan words on a daily basis
and gave me an insight into Tibet, its culture
and a Tibetan’s journey across countries.
The days were still long enough to leave
me plenty of time to go on treks with the
other volunteers, explore neighbouring towns
on weekends, visit the cafes and enjoy count-
less yoga and meditation sessions. We shared
music, movies, books, anecdotes and stories
from our respective hometowns, turning the
experience into the most enriching cultural
exchange of our lives.
A novel experienceWhat I had just done was new to me as an
Indian traveller. Our strict working schedules
and suspicious mindset about safety issues
concerning new places hold us back from
trying out new experiences of this kind. But,
with a li le research and following my own
experience, I realised that volunteer-travel-
ling or voluntourism is a common practice for
foreigners around the world. It’s easy to �nd a
number of accredited volunteering organisa-
tions in o eat areas of developing cities and
countries or in remote and tribal se lements.
India, Nepal, Cambodia, Iceland, Guatemala,
Shraddha Guptais the founder of
StreetTrotter, a travel,
culture and fashion
blog that inspires
people to look good,
live healthy and travel
better. In 2014 she
completed the Chadar
Trek, one of the wildest
frozen river treks
in the world. www.
streettrotter.com
The author with her student: a Tibetan nun The group of volunteers at LHA enjoying their weekend break
92 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
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digital edition, visit http://bit.ly/cwdigital
February 2016
MO
29
TUE
16
M
2
MO
15
SUN
28
SUN
21
SUN
14
SAT
27
WED
17
TUE
23
FRI
26
FRI
12
FRI
19
THU
25
THU
18
THU
11
MO
8
SUN
7
FRI
5
THU
4
WED
3
MO
1
MONTH FRESHENERInfuse life into your days
ww
w.c
om
ple
tew
ellb
ein
g.c
om
Strive to keep your
words and thoughts
positive all day—no
complaining or
cribbing.
Break away from
a fixed routine, do
something different to
get out of the rut.
Give up your seat
for someone—they
need not be elderly or
pregnant!
Valentine’s Day
Rekindle the romance
by recreating your
first meeting with
your beloved.
SAT
6Ask someone if they’ve
lost some weight or
simply tell them that
they’re glowing.
Basking in the early
morning sun is the
best way to get vitamin
D. Are you getting
enough?
Have that awkward
conversation you’ve
been putting off for
so long.
Vow to not start
your day with the
newspaper this
entire week.
Take a nap. Yes, you
read that right. Sleep
for an hour or two.
Add a touch of cheer
to your desk by getting
an office plant.
Donate your talents
at an orphanage or an
old age home.
How about giving
away utensils/
crockery you no
longer need to
someone less
privileged than you?
Write a letter to your
future children or
grandchildren with the
intent of giving it to
them someday.
COMPLETE WELLBEING
Body, mind and beyond
MY NOTE
Write something positive
about an office colleague
and leave the note on his
desk.
Eat at least
five different
fruits today.
Dig out a board
game and play it
with your family.
Learn something
new: origami,
hulahooping or
even juggling.
94 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
travelExplore
Archana Singh takes you to a breathtaking hill station in Vietnam to
experience the culture of an authentic hill tribe
A SOJOURN TO SAPA
The Coffee View & Bar is worth a visit for the view it offers
The Stone Church
Trekking through the Bamboo Forest
COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL X ISSUE 04 FEBRUARY 2016 95
THE DREAMLIKE LANDSCAPE of “the
Tonkinese Alps”, the enchanting culture of
Sapa and its lovely, welcoming people have
been dwelling on my mind ever since I
returned from Vietnam. I love exploring the
untold human stories, so on my trip I decided
to sneak a peek into the lives of ethnic tribes
of Sapa. This article is an a empt to look be-
yond the surface and discover the true beauty
of Vietnam.
I saw the � rst glimpse of Sapa on televi-
sion and the idea to visit Vietnam took birth
in my mind. Three months later, I was in the
quaint land of mist and mountains. I reached
Sapa early in the morning a er a comfortable
� ve hours Hanoi-Sapa journey in a bus. The
moment I alighted from the bus, I noticed
a � ock of short Hmong women dressed in
vibrant traditional out� ts smiling and asking
if I needed a guide. I politely declined and
took a taxi to the Holy Rosary Church, alias
the Stone Church.
The centre of the town was dwarfed by
mountain ranges and especially the peak of
Phan-Xi-Pang [Vietnam’s highest mountain at
3,100m]. The Stone Church was built in late
19th century by the French and stood tall in
this orient-meets-the-alps retreat. Across the
Church stood the town’s main marketplace
and plaza.
The exploring beginsDuring the trek a er a hearty bu et breakfast
at Cinnamon restaurant, my so spoken,
ever smiling, traditionally clad guide Si told
me that Sapa has numerous ethnic minority
groups namely Hmong, Dao, Giay and Tay
and majority [about 80 per cent] of the popu-
lation is into agriculture.
Paying a ention to Si’s words only
partially, my eyes absorbed the jaw-dropping
panoramas of the valley. The rice terraces ran
down the lo y slopes and the clouds o ered
glimpses of high soaring peaks farther away.
Bathed in morning sunlight, the misty vistas
looked like giant watercolour paintings. We
walked through the terraced rice paddies,
Indigo � elds, bamboo forests, rivulets and
small waterfalls. Water bu aloes and pigs
stared at us from rice � elds. My muddy slip-
and-slide adventure trek was both rewarding
and tiring. Though it got extremely sweaty
The famous terrace rice fields of Sapa
Ph
oto
s:
AR
CH
AN
A S
ING
H
despite the cool breeze, the astounding views
and the weather made up for all the hard
work.
Tiny Hmong women, while greeting us
warmly, tried selling everything they had
in their traditional woven baskets: embroi-
dered hemp skirts, bags, belts, purses, silver
bracelets, earrings and traditional necklaces.
I learnt from these innocent-looking English
speaking traders that looks can be deceptive;
they seemed to have embraced capitalism.
Talking to them meant buying their stu . If
you don’t buy, be prepared to get nasty looks.
And taking their picture is a strict no-no, un-
less you buy their items. For them it’s simple;
“No money, no picture.” I thought of them as
rude and shrewd but subsequent heart-to-
heart conversations I had with a few of them
made me change my mind about these gentle
souls struggling to survive.
Sapa’s unique traditionsThe excruciating �ve-hour trek had le me
drained. Hu ng and pu ng, we �nally
reached a local restaurant at the Lao Chai
Good to knowLOCATION: Lao Cai Province, near the China
border in north-west Vietnam. 350km north-west
of Hanoi.
GETTING THERE: There are private sleeper
buses and overnight trains from Hanoi to Lao
Chai, followed by 45 minutes drive from Lao Chai
city by bus.
VISAS: Vietnam offers Visa on Arrival at the
airport if you get an approval letter online.
SIGHT-SEEING: Sapa is best explored on foot
but you can hire a taxi or a motorbike from the
town to explore remote, far off places.
WHEN TO GO: Between March and May or
October and November. Winters are cold and
foggy with temperatures occasionally dropping
below freezing point whereas summers are rainy.
Sapa during weekdays is quieter and reasonable
as compared to weekends when tourists flock to
Hanoi to visit the Saturday market.
WHERE TO STAY: Sapa is a tourist magnet
so a lot of good hotels huddle in the main town.
There are also traditional homestays in villages
like Lao Chai, Ban Ho, Ta Van, Ta Phin. Those
with limited budget can opt for hostels like Sapa
Backpackers, Mountain View, Go Sapa Hostel
among others.
WHAT TO BUY: The livelihood of the tribes
depends on the money they make by selling their
handmade items to tourists. Be generous. Buy
their handicraft. They are unique and cheaper
than what you’ll find in showrooms in Sapa and
Hanoi.
WHAT TO SEE: Thac Bac [Silver] waterfall, Ham
Rong Mountain, Rattan Bridge, Bamboo Forest
and Ta Phin Cave among others. Trekking is an
ideal way to explore Sapa’s enchanting beauty.
Tourists relaxing near the Thac Bac waterfall
Souvenier shops sellingVietnamese products
The petite Hmonng women taking a break from selling their wares
96 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
Village which was buzzing with tourists, its
air smelling of beef and pork. The waitresses
delivered orders at lightening speed. I was
hungry but unfortunately my vegetarian meal
requirement was lost in the translation. So I
was le with no choice but to have fruit. A er
a quick lunch I was once again out with my
guide, discovering the li le hamlet. While
strolling through the village, Si told me about
some of their unique traditions:
Saturday love market: On Saturday nights,
Sapa’s main square turns into a dating point
for young boys and girls looking for love.
Historically, young girls would be singing,
hidden away in the dark. If any boy liked any
particular voice, he would � nd the young girl
out, court her and follow it up with a romp in
the forest for three days. If the match was on,
these trips would usually end in marriage.
Marriage by kidnapping: A young man
kidnaps a young woman with the help of his
friends and family. He informs his new in-
laws only two days a er the kidnap. How-
ever, the kidnapping is symbolic only. The girl
usually knows she is going to be kidnapped
as she is given a gi two days in advance by
the boy suggesting his motive. If she doesn’t
like the match she can refuse and return to her
parents’ home with any family member that
comes to rescue her. If she is happy with the
match, the boy’s family pays the bride’s fam-
ily a price either in cash or by livestock such
as bu alo to support the bride’s family from
whom an earning member is taken away.
Traditional medicines: Heating cardamom
in a bu alo horn and pressing the hot horn
onto one’s forehead cures headaches but
leaves behind a circular burn like mark on the
forehead.
Ethnic dressing: Each ethnic tribe in the
district has a di erent style of dressing, but
each tribe is usually responsible for weaving
their own clothes by hand with the help of
indigenously grown indigo and hemp. Even
the jewellery they wear is self-made.
Not only had I discovered so much about
Sapa in a single day, I had also experienced
all four seasons: cool spring morning, warm
and sunny summer a ernoon, cloudy au-
tumn evening, and a cold winter night.
The next day, our three-hour trek took me
through villages, streams, rivers, waterfalls,
bamboo forests and muddy pathways. Soar-
ing mountains and deep valleys dwarfed the
bamboo villages, dirt roads and terraced rice
� elds. I realised that I was enjoying the view
more today. Perhaps because I didn’t feel like
a tourist anymore. I connected with the locals
and was no longer annoyed by the pesky
behaviour of the sellers.
The soaring mountains of Northern Viet-
nam have long preserved the unique cultures
of ethnic hill tribes but today this strength
has become their weakness. While the rest
of Vietnam has started enjoying the bene� t
of globalisation, Sapa has remained the poor
cousin being marginalised and forgo en. Al-
though in the last 10 years Sapa has become
a darling of tourists arriving in Vietnam, the
local tribes have hardly bene� ted from this
travel boom. It is the rich tour operators from
Hanoi and Ho Chin Minh who have made all
the moolah.
Only time will tell if these tribes will
survive. But someday, I hope and pray, that
their e ervescent smiles will emanate from a
happy prosperous life and not from a life of
poverty, struggles and compromises.
A meal being prepared at a homestay in Lao Chai
An artisan at work at a minorities craft shop
Archana Singh is a brand strategist by
profession and traveller by
passion. Her travel plans
are usually fluid and
take her to offbeat places
across India and the
world. Read more about
her travel experiences at
www.travelseewrite.com.
COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL X ISSUE 04 FEBRUARY 2016 97
To subscribe to Complete Wellbeing
digital edition, visit http://bit.ly/cwdigital
New kits on the blocknewly launched products and services
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98 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
The information provided in this section is only on an as-is basis; Complete Wellbeing is not associated with the products listed here and doesnot endorse them. To have your product listed, email us on editorial@completewellbeing.com. Complete Wellbeing reserves the right to refusepublishing information about a product without providing any reason whatsoever.
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COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL X ISSUE 04 FEBRUARY 2016 99
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REFLECTIONS
Printed by Manoj Khatri, on behalf of Complete Wellbeing Publishing Pvt Ltd., at Rajhans Enterprises, No. 134, 4th Main Road, Industrial Town,
Rajajinagar, Bangalore - 560044, and published by him from Complete Wellbeing Publishing Pvt Ltd., 502, A wing, Sagar Tech Plaza,
Saki Naka Junction, Andheri-Kurla Road, Mumbai 400072. Editor: Manoj Khatri
A brief history of the minduntil we lost our sense of self and
got completely identi� ed with it.
Once the human mind was in
the commanding position, it started
to solve problems that didn’t exist.
Ever since, that’s what humanity
has been doing—solving problems
that don’t exist [I call them mind-
made problems] and creating more
problems in the process. That, in a
nutshell, is the brief history of the
human mind.
When I look at the world today,
I can’t help but wonder about the
crazy state of a airs. We have
enough resources to end world
hunger and wipe o poverty from
the world. We have a real chance of
lasting peace—survival not being
an issue; we have no reason to � ght
wars. But we are determined to � ght
other humans for some false sense
of supremacy, even it that means
destroying ourselves in the process.
Unless we stop it, it is very likely
that our insane mind energy will
cause us to blow ourselves up.
Can we do something about
it? Yes, we can. The � rst step is to
recognise that we are not the mind.
We need to seize back control from
our mind, which is an amazing
servant but a terrible master. We
need to relegate it to its original
serving position and refuse to
entertain any ideas and thoughts
that lead to separation from fellow
humans and our environment.
Every individual that unplugs
from the dominant mind energy
raises hopes that we will outlast
doomsday predictions. Sure, it’s
not easy but it’s worth the e ort.
And if enough of us successfully
free ourselves from the clutches
of the mind, a shi will take place
in the collective consciousness of
humankind. If that happens, we
will � nally begin to enjoy the real
bene� ts of mind-made advances...
peacefully and happily ever a er.
By Manoj Khatri
RECENTLY STEPHEN HAWKING,
the world’s most famous scientist
alive, made headlines yet again
when he predicted that humans
might destroy planet Earth beyond
repair within the next 100 years.
He mentioned such man-made
problems as nuclear war, climate
change, and genetically engineered
viruses among top possible causes
for our downfall. This is not the � rst
time that the scientist has warned
humanity of causing self-destruction.
Hawking’s prophecy reminded
me of a joke: A man was galloping
away on a horse as if in a great
hurry to reach somewhere. Along
the way, a friend of this man saw
him racing away. Curious, he
shouted, “Where are you going?”
The man on the horse replied, “I
wish I knew! Ask the horse!”
To me, this joke is our story—
the story of humanity. The man
represents the whole humanity and
the wayward horse is the collective
mind energy that is now totally
out of control, taking all of us to
no destination in particular but all
the while pretending to be on an
important assignment.
Hawking’s best-selling book
A Brief History of Time a empts to
explain the origin and evolution of
the universe, the big bang, black
holes, wormholes and other cosmic
ideas. But what explains the history
of the mind? According to me, the
following could very well be a brief
history of the human mind:
At the onset, the mind in humans
evolved as a wonderful instrument
that enabled us to improve our
lives. Unfortunately, along the way
we allowed the mind to become
more important than life itself. Prior
to the birth of mind, we lived in
response to, and harmony with, our
environment. Our problems were
more immediate—like physical
safety from predatory animals,
shelter for protection against harsh
weather and � nding food. As
the mind continued to develop,
we conquered all our survival
problems. Soon, we started using
the mind to further improve our
general conditions. As the mind
helped us take great strides, we
began to trust it more and more
100 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING
Ah! That feeling of being divinely rejuvenated a er a thoroughly exhausting trek
Meetyourself
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COMPLETE WELLBEING
Body, mind and beyond