Complete Wellbeing 2016-02

BoredomBurnoutThe two sides of a coin

and

ISSN 2277 – 5153 VOL X ISSUE 4 FEBRUARY 2016 `100 PAGES 102

COMPLETE WELLBEING

B o d y , m i n d a n d b e y o n dThe dangers of sitting too much ...p36

Help your teenagerthrive ...p53

Confessions of an army wife ...p76

Hidden meaning behind your dreams ...p83

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infinitemanoj

ManojKhatri

Manoj Khatri

Stimulating ideas

No ma er how good you are at your job and how much you enjoy doing something,a er a while you will get bored of doing the same thing over andover again

Editor’s insights

bhishek Sohni looked stressed out. He had con� ded in his counsellor

Ravi Mazumdar that lately he just couldn’t get himself to focus on his

work. Abhishek loved to work; he was the driven type who regularly

went beyond the call of his duty. Over the years, he had become known

for his work ethic: the guy who never complained about excess work. Not

surprisingly he had risen up the ranks quite early in his career.

How could someone like Abhishek suddenly lose all interest in his job? At � rst

Ravi thought it was a case of exhaustion. A er all, that is what his symptoms—

lethargy, lack of focus and a general disinterest at work—pointed to. But digging

deeper he discovered that the cause of Abhishek’s increasing sense of dissatisfaction

was not excessive stress but the lack of it. The work that once challenged him now

made him weary. He no longer derived any sense of satisfaction from his job,

so much so that he had started thinking of retirement although he was only 44.

Abhishek was su ering from a di erent kind of burnout, a phenomenon that results

from boredom and lack of eustress or bene� cial stress.

We tend to associate the term “burnout” with too much work-related stress. But

this is a limited view of a much broader phenomenon. In this issue’s cover story,

Dr Steven Berglas tells us the other side of the burnout story—when lack of enough

stress and paucity of challenges leads to extended boredom which, in turn, causes

burnout. According to him, no ma er how good you are at your job and how much

you enjoy doing something, a er a while you will get bored of doing the same thing

over and over again.

Giving examples of athletes who compete against top competitors, salespeople

who exceed quotas, and managers who beat deadlines, he says, “Humans are

innately challenge-hungry organisms who are rewarded [at a neurological level] by

doing something ‘be er’ every day… however, should an Olympic-calibre athlete

compete against a high school student in his preferred sport, or a salesman reach his

annual quota in a few months simply by � ling orders from repeat customers, neither

individual will derive eustress.”

One could say that true happiness and bliss result from good stress, which absorbs

our a ention thoroughly and makes us feel worthy. On the other hand, not being

challenged enough is bound to make your feel disengaged, causing boredom which

ultimately leads to burnout. He calls such burnout Supernova Burnout.

While explaining the concept of Supernova Burnout in detail, Dr Berglas o ers

a few unique techniques to address it, should you face such a problem in your life.

Use these techniques to keep boredom in check while � nding new ways to keep your

work stimulating and challenging. Because, monotony isn’t good for your wellbeing.

[email protected]

COMPLETE WELLBEING VOL X ISSUE 04 FEBRUARY 2016 03

EDITOR & PUBLISHER | Manoj Khatri

EXECUTIVEEDITOR | Dr Grazilia Almeida-Khatri

EDITORIALASSISTANT | Mitali Meelan

ASSISTANT ART DIRECTOR | Amit Amdekar

SR GRAPHIC DESIGNER | Mukesh Patel

EDITORIAL OFFICE502, A wing, Sagar Tech Plaza,Saki Naka Junction, Andheri-Kurla Road,Mumbai 400072. Tel/Fax: 022-6742 0900E-mail: [email protected]

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ADVERTISING SALESE-mail: [email protected]: 022-6742 0904

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PRINTED AT | Rajhans Enterprises

PRINTED AND PUBLISHED BY | Manoj Khatri,on behalf of CompleteWellbeing PublishingPvt Ltd., at Rajhans Enterprises, No. 134,4th Main Road, Industrial Town, Rajajinagar,Bangalore - 560044, and published fromCompleteWellbeing Publishing Pvt. Ltd.,

502, A wing, Sagar Tech Plaza,Saki Naka Junction, Andheri-Kurla Road,Mumbai 400072. Tel/Fax: 022-6742 0900Editor: Manoj Khatri

© CompleteWellbeing Publishing Pvt Ltd.,All rights reserved. Reproduction, in part or inwhole, in print, electronic or any other form,is strictly prohibited.

DISCLAIMER | Complete Wellbeing is

dedicated to providing useful, well-researched

information on holistic health/wellbeing, but its

contents are not intended to provide medical

advice/diagnosis for individual problems or

circumstances, or implied to be a substitute for

professional medical advice. Readers are advised

to always consult their physician/healthcare

professional/therapist, prior to starting any new

remedy, therapy or treatment, or practice, or

with any questions they may have regarding a

medical/health condition.

The views expressed by writers are their own and

do not necessarily re�ect the views of the editor,

publisher, or Complete Wellbeing.

Using masculine pronouns ‘he’, ‘him’or ‘his’ for

subjects of unknown gender is considered

prejudicial. We respect both genders and

hence use feminine and masculine pronouns

interchangeably.

Complete Wellbeing is not responsible foradvertising claims.

Vol X Issue 04 FEB 2016

www.completewellbeing.comRNINo.MAHENG/2006/21415

/CompleteWellbeing /StayWell

CO S

Boredom And BurnoutThe two sides of a coin

Burnout is not necessarily caused by excessive stress. On the contrary, it

is often the result of boredom due to a paucity of challenges that test your

mettle. According to research, work that has stopped engaging you can be

harmful to your wellbeing. But it is possible to insulate yourself from the

phenomenon that affects millions of unsuspecting executives

By Steven Berglas

24 | Trending this month

of

COMPLETE WELLBEING

Body, mind and beyond

04 FEBRUARY 2016 VOL X ISSUE 04 COMPLETE WELLBEING

34 | career & workplaceHow to be an authentic leaderAuthentic leadership endures

because it exists as a function of

the individual rather than a crowd

of borrowed opinions

By Brian Tracy and Azim Jamal

36 | exerciseSit at your own riskProlonged sitting is linked to many

serious health concerns including

diabetes and heart disease

By Kiran Shete

40 | skincareRegain your glowOur skin loses its sheen due to

many factors. Here are some things

you can do to restore its lost glory

By Sudhakar Grandhi

45 | food & nutritionPapaya pleasuresPapaya can be cooked in

interesting ways too. We share four

must try healthy recipes that will

call out to your taste buds.

By Anjana Devasahayam

50 | parentingNo child’s playWhile playschools are an important

phase in your toddler’s growth

and development, choosing the

right one needs some serious

consideration

By Sidharth Balachandran

53 | parenting7 Ways to help your teenagerthrive and surviveA counsellor and author shows you

how to navigate the tricky waters of

your child’s teenage years

By Phoebe Hutchison

56| relationshipsThe Aikido of communicationWhere are your communication

difficulties? Do you find yourself

accommodating too often, shutting

down, taking another’s comments

personally or being overly

competitive or argumentative?

By Judy Ringer

60 | marriage & intimacyLife with an AS partnerMarriages where one partner

has Asperger Syndrome can be

painful and challenging, but help is

available

By Eva Mendes

FEATURED THIS MONTH

Kiran Shete,MS [Ortho],

DNB, F.ASIF

[Swiss],

MNAMS,

PGPM [ISB], is the founder and

medical director of Pune-based

Spinalogy Clinic.

36

40

AnamikaNandedkaris a journalist

and creator

of the blog

acuriousarmywife.wordpress.com.

Being married to an Army

o cer, she is fully enjoying

her nomadic life, which is a

“shaken and stirred” cocktail of

adventure and anxiety.

76

TheresaCheungis the best-

selling author

of The Element

Encyclopaedia of 20,000 Dreams

[Harper Collins] and Sunday

Times best-selling author of

An Angel Healed Me [Simon

and Schuster]

www.theresacheung.com

83

AzimJamal is aninternational

best-selling

author, highly

sought-a er motivational

speaker, author and coach.

His dynamic and inspiring

Corporate Su� message has

been heard by over one million

people around the world and

his work has been recognised

by Deepak Chopra, Wayne

Dyer, Jack Can�eld and Ken

Blanchard.

34


36

REGULARS

10| Events

12| Talkback

14| Happy happenings

20| Write notes

76| Confession Booth

93| Month freshener

98| New kits on the block

100| Re� ections

63 | mind & emotionsShould you broadcast yourlife online?At this very moment, as you read

this, millions of people have just

shared some minute detail about

their life with millions of others.

Every second of every day there

are Tweets, Facebook updates,

Instagram images and a host of

other social media activities that

document our daily lives. But is all

this constant updating healthy?

By Graham Jones

66 | self-helpMood Is your choiceHow to find lasting happiness by

choosing your emotional response

to any event

By Sarah Williams

68 | self-helpIt pays to playFind out how play can enrich all the

dimensions of your life

By Marianne St Clair

72 | consciousnessThe unknowable selfThe deepest mystery of existence is

the phenomenon of knowledge

By Osho

79 | yogaYoga for PCOSDid you know that besides affecting

fertility, PCOS increases the risk

of heart attack, diabetes, stroke,

anxiety disorder, depression and

uterine cancer? Fortunately, PCOS

can be cured with the help of yoga

and lifestyle changes

By Shammi Gupta

83 | sleepWhat are you dreaming of?Presenting the nine most common

dreams and what they are trying to

tell you

By Theresa Cheung

86 | Q & A on healthEpilepsy explainedA neurologist explains the brain

disorder that causes seizures

and offers useful advice regarding

the same

By Anil Venkitachalam

88 | living spacesNeat and chilledAn efficiently arranged refrigerator

can help you save time, plan your

grocery shopping better and is

pleasing to the eyes

By Nithya Govindarajan

90 | travelVoluntourism:Travel with a causeWhen you choose voluntourism,

you not only enrich your life but

also the world at large

By Shraddha Gupta

94 | travelA sojourn to SAPAExplore a breathtaking hill station

in Vietnam and experience the

culture of an authentic hill tribe

By Archana Singh

66 83


Events this month

» Frozen river trek in Ladakh

This is a challenging frozen river

trek over Zanskar River. This trek is

popularly known as “The Chadar

Trek.” This river is located about 50km

from Leh. You will travel by vehicle to

the highway junction of Zanskar river

and then trek over the frozen river.

For six days, you will travel up and

the next six days you travel down the

river. Experience living in caves, facing

temperatures as low as –100 C or –150 C.

Though this trek does not have much

altitude gain as compared to other treks,

it is a test for your mind control over

your body.

When: 12th – 20th Feb and

19th – 27th Feb, 2016

Where: Ladakh

Fees: `25,000

Contact: 7774037070 / [email protected]

» Under The Peepal Tree festival for dad and child

This is a unique and � rst-of-its-kind event for kids and their dads. Kids

aged one to eight years can spend outdoor fun time learning and bonding

with their fathers. The activities will kindle their interest and intelligence

and develop trust and con� dence in them. The father-kid duo will get to

spend an entire day outdoors in nature; they will participate in multiple

activities that are aimed at stimulating all the nine intelligences. Some of

these include “relive the story”, “theatre workshop”, “pretend play” and

“grassroots games”.

When: 20th – 21st Feb, 2016 [10am – 4pm]

Where:Maharashtra Nature Park, Bandra Sion Link Road, Mumbai

Fees: `800 [one adult, one kid]; Extra kid: `650; Extra adult: `150

Contact: 9819554496 / 9820487124 / [email protected]

» Kala Ghoda Art Festival

The 17th edition of the nine-day annual festival that celebrates music,

dance, theatre, photography, literature, food, cinema, architecture and

design, all under one roof, is back. The festival will include heritage

walks, street food stalls, books with amazing discounts, literature and

other workshops, visual arts, a dedicated section for children and stalls

selling eco-friendly, handmade art and cra wares. It is also known for

showcasing giant art forms using recycled material. People from all over

the country and overseas are a racted to this nine-day event celebrating

Indian culture and art.

When: 6th – 14th Feb, 2016

Where: CST, Mumbai

Fees:No entry fee


» One week workshop on Kalaripayattu

This workshop will focus on functional training,

locomotion workouts, basic body movements and body

postures of Kalaripaya u, including bhaav [expression].

Kalaripaya u, like any other martial art, synchronises the

physical and mental energy, ultimately producing a body

that is spontaneous, yet full of aesthetic expression. The

trainer, Vipin Lagarto Kazhipurath, is an accomplished

and commi ed martial artist with 12 years of experience.


Where: Andheri, Mumbai

Fees: `3,000 before 10th Feb and `4,500 a er 10th Feb

Contact: 9930029265

Complete Wellbeing is not associated with any events listed here unless otherwise stated. This information is provided only on an as-is basis;

interested readers may verify the information directly with the event organisers.

To have your event listed on this page, email us on [email protected]. Complete Wellbeing reserves the right to refuse

publishing information about an event, without providing any reason whatsoever.

» AHA! Little Cloud Story Telling Sessions

Let your child celebrate every

February weekend this year

listening to India’s rich folk takes.

Ranga Shankara presents Li le

Cloud Storytelling sessions for kids

between 4 – 6 years of age. The

sessions will be held for an hour

every Saturday and Sunday where

di erent storytellers will read

out famous Kannada, Hindi and

English stories including Freebie,

Truth Prevails, Aaina, From Father

to Daughter, For Be er or for

Worse, Munasib Batwara and many

more. Reserving seats is mandatory.

When: 2nd – 24th Feb, 2016; every

Saturday and Sunday

[10 – 11am]

Where: Ranga Shankara,

J P Nagar, Bengaluru

Fees: `50 per child, per session

Contact: [email protected]

» 7-day intensive workshop on Mural Painting

Explore the magic and freedom of turning a poem into a painting under the

guidance of noted mural artist, Shri Sasi Edavarad. The focus of the workshop

will be: be er understanding of ancient paintings; learning to draw the human

body, other shapes and forms using traditional measurements; learning dhyana

shlokas and their usage; painting and colouring the mural way; and meditation.

The cost is inclusive of material and food. Your paintings will be exhibited on

the last day of the workshop and you get to take home a � nished piece of work

that you made with your own hands!

When: 21st – 27th Feb, 2016

Where: Visthar, Hennur, Bengaluru

Fees: `12,000 including food, accommodation, materials and course

Contact: 9447114482 / 8156895207 / [email protected]

» Jash-e-Rekhta 2016: Urdu Festival

Jashn-e-Rekhta, a � rst-of-its-kind Urdu festival held in

India, made its debut in 2015. The second edition is being

held in the heart of New Delhi. The festival will celebrate

the quintessential spirit of Urdu, its creative richness and

linguistic heritage through Mushaira, Qawwali, dastangoi,

drama, discussions, dance, ghazals and more. For three

mesmeric days, some of the Urdu’s � nest poets, authors

and artists will come together to bring alive Urdu’s

lyrical beauty and resonating eloquence through live

performances, panel discussions and interactive sessions.

Check h p://jashnerekhta.org/ for the schedule.


Where: IGNCA, New Delhi

Fees:No entry fee but registration is mandatory

Contact: 9999341607 / [email protected]


Talkbackletters and comments from readers

CONTACT US

Send us your experiences, ideas, opinions, comments and suggestions. Write to

us at [email protected] post your comments on

www.completewellbeing.com

lucid manner. There are articles that

pertain to all aspects of health and

not just the physical.

The magazine, with its simple

language, is great for leisurely

reading for both patients and

professionals. It is highly

recommended by me!— Dr Avinash De Sousa, Mumbai

Few things I lovedI gifted a copy of The “I’ve no time

to cook” book [seen in your Jan ’16

issue] to my daughter who is living

alone in a different city. She has just

started to cook with the help of this

book. The cover story featured in

January issue was very inspiring with

funny, uplifting stories. Also, I always

make it a point to buy and read the

books that are reviewed in the Write

Notes section.

— Neelam Ramani, Madurai

Highly recommended magazineI wish to mention that I have been

an avid reader and subscriber of

Complete Wellbeing magazine. I

eagerly look forward to receiving

the issue every month. The topics

covered are very relevant and

useful in the day-to-day life for the

commoners.

The hallmark of the magazine

is the fact that the articles while

scientific are written in simple

language and are easy to understand.

Issues that are otherwise

technical are handled in a clear and

Topics that are relatable I’m a subscriber and I religiously read

this magazine every month. I liked

Sidharth Balachandran’s article “6

lessons from a toddler”; I think he is

amazing with words. I am a mom to a

five-year-old. Whenever I take my kid

to the playground, I witness all that

he has mentioned in the article—only

he has put everything I feel in better

words. I look forward to reading more

articles from him.— Smita Deshmukh, Dehradun

Getting over my insecurities I have not come across a magazine

like yours, in India at least, that cov-

ers such important issues which we

all face in our day-to-day life. I didn’t

realise I had imposter syndrome until

I read about it in your magazine. In

fact, I did not even know that such a

condition exists and I am sure I am

not the only one who feels this way.

I have done very well in my job and

surpassed my colleagues too, who

had joined around the same time as

me. I would often feel guilty about

this and think it happened by chance.

But now I know half the world popu-

lation has experienced similar guilt

trips and I don’t feel alone. — Rekha Bose, Surat


Happy happenings

A FAMILY FROM PHOENIX had less than 10 min-

utes to board a connecting �ight between Phoenix

and Tennessee. Their �ight at Phoenix Sky Harbor

International airport was delayed by an hour and

a half, which limited their time at Minneapolis to

catch the next �ight. Tragically, that was the last

�ight from Minneapolis airport that day.

As they reached the airport, they found that the

plane was already taxiing towards the runway and

there was nothing they could do.

“I was just crying. I couldn’t believe we were

gonna miss that �ight,” said Nicole Short-Wibel

to Fox10 later. Nicole’s brother was screaming

through the glass, trying to signal the pilot, while

their mother, Mrs Short and her daughter were in

tears.

They were headed to a end their father’s fu-

neral. Their father, Jay Short, had just succumbed

to cancer and his burial was to take place the next

morning, in their hometown.

Miraculously, the pilot Adam Cohen, saw the

desperate man waving at him. When he learnt

about their plight, he took a turn on the runway,

something that is unheard of, and let them in.

Thanks to this pilot of Delta Airlines, the family

could reach their father in time for a last farewell.

“We were very, very thankful to those pilots,”

said Nicole.

Pilot turns the taxied plane back for a distressed family

AT MORRISON’S MCDONALDS, Alex Fisch-

bach saw Sergeant George Depuy walk a

homeless man from his car into McDonalds.

The oi cer told the man it was a good place

to stay warm in the chilling winter and ex-

plained the situation to the employee at the

counter, who was happy to let him in.

The oi cer then handed some money to

the man. When the man tried to refuse, the

oi cer said, “I’m not asking you to take it, I’m

telling you to take it.” And with that, he left.

Alex was touched by his utterly sell ess

gesture—a law enforcer who did not look

for any recognition. He quickly clicked an

in-action picture of the two when they shook

hands and shared the story on his Facebook

timeline.

The story instantly went viral, with chan-

nels and newspapers reaching out to Alex for

interviews. But according to Alex’s updated

post, “Oicer Depuy declined an interview

[with KWQC 6] because he said he was just

doing his job.”

A few days later, the homeless man ended

up at Open Bible Church in Rock Falls, IL from

where he was taken to a homeless shelter in

Sterling. The pastor at the church recognised

him, as he was wearing the same coat as he

had been, in the shared picture.

Officer’s kindness helps an 82-year-old homeless man i nd a home


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THE UGLY INDIAN is an anonymous group of people

with a simple mo o, Kaam Chalu Mooh Bandh [Only

work, no talk]. Their sole purpose is to clean up Indian

cities through “Spot-�xing”. The group chooses small

segments of road or pavements to clean and repair.

They have, till date, transformed over 250 places.

Their latest target in the New Year was to paint

and transform 22 pillars, covered with promotional

posters, �lth and dirt, under the Bhadrappa Layout

�yover, in Bengaluru. The team of BBMP welcomed

over a hundred enthusiastic citizens [The Ugly

Indian team, residents and volunteers] and together

they painted the 22 pillars in two days. The citizens

contributed their time, e orts and the cost for

materials to this self-funded cause. The initiative

saw kids as well as senior citizens coming forward to

participate.

The multi-coloured 3D pyramid designs are not only

a ractive, but they easily discourage illegal advertisers

from using the pillars as a means of marketing.

Visit their website www.theuglyindian.com for more

information.

Group of peoplepaint giant UnderFlyover pillars,transforms city

INSTEAD OF HOSTING LAVISH feasts and splurging on celebrations, a

22-year-old MCA girl, Nishadbanu Vajifdhar, decided to put the money

that was set aside for her wedding to good use. On her wedding day,

she decided to honour all the teachers responsible for her education.

She presented each of them with a shawl and a souvenir and she also

felicitated the students who completed their higher education, to

spread awareness about the importance of education.

Setting an example for a lot of young girls in her village, she told TOI,

“In our village, the level of education is very low. My father too wants

everyone to be properly educated. So, I decided to spend the money

on felicitating those who taught me from nursery to MCA. We will also

donate money to institutions that made me an educated human being.”

She is the daughter of a farmer and resides at Haldharu village. She

had the complete support of her in-laws and family in this endeavour

and they donated `10 lakhs to Nishad’s school. In all, 75 retired teach-

ers and a number of bright students who shared a similar passion for

education were felicitated at the unusual wedding ceremony.

Girl celebrates her wedding byspreading awareness about education

Two young medicalinterns save a man declareddead by the public MEDICAL INTERNS FAIZAH ANJUM and

Savitri Devi were returning home in

Hyderabad when they noticed a crowd

around a road accident victim. The

spectators declared the man dead and

clicked pictures while looking on.

But the two girls quickly got down

to helping him. They did not carry

instruments, so they used a pen to

keep his tongue out and a rolled-up

newspaper to blow air into his lungs.

They also gave him chest compressions.

They sustained his life for 25 minutes

until an ambulance arrived that gave

the victim necessary i rst aid and rushed

him to the hospital. The man was saved

thanks to the e� orts of these two

doctors in the making.

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Happy happenings


Distraught waitress gets a hefty tip and kind message from a generous customerWHEN A GRIEVING HEATHER SCHELSTEDER, a

waitress at Cheddar’s Scratch Kitchen, started

chatting with the customer at table 43, she learned

that the woman she was chatting with was a

criminal psychologist who dealt with the sorrow and

struggles of other people almost daily. “She mostly

meets with people for juries, but said that she was

also going to interview people that come back from

the war [who had] PTSD,” Schelsteder said. “She said

they come back, and it’s really hard for her, because

her brother was killed over in a war.”

Their conversation veered towards Heather’s

grandmother whom she lost in November last year.

Since then, Heather had been struggling to move on.

Both teary-eyed by then, they just kept talking

until the next customer came in and the woman

had to leave. But before leaving, she left behind a

$100 tip for a $27 meal. Along with that, she also

left a heartfelt note for Heather that read, “Have an

amazing new year. It gets better.”

“She made me realise there are still people out

there that do care. Thank you. I didn’t get to thank

her,” said a crying Schelsteder later in a HumanKind

video.

An act of kindness makes this Target cashier a heroSARAH OWEN BIGLER, an Indianapolis woman, had

planned on a quick stop at Target, before heading home with

her children. When she reached the check-out counter—with

only an old woman ahead of her at the cashier desk—she

started to arrange the items in her cart at the conveyor.

When she was done, she realised that the woman in front

of her was taking quite a while to make her payment. She

saw that the old woman was counting out change, paying

in loose coins and purchasing each item separately. A lot of

people behind her started to move to other queues that were

long, but at least moving.

Sarah was ge ing impatient and frustrated, but then she

saw the young cashier. He was reaching over and helping the

woman count her change while repeating, “Yes, ma’am” as

he spoke with her. When she asked if she had enough to buy

a reusable bag, he nodded and went to fetch one. Never once

did Sarah see the employee grunt, complain or show any

sign of frustration.

Sarah then noticed that she was not the only one

observing this kind and patient man. Her daughter, Eloise,

was also looking on—witnessing compassion. Realising that

this was teaching her daughter a valuable lesson, she pulled

out her camera and clicked a picture of the duo. When she

shared the story on her Facebook page, it went viral, with

over 20,000 people sharing and talking about it.

This made the employee, Ishmael Gilbert, instantly

popular and he received a token of appreciation from Target.

Gilbert was humbled, but while the fame was unexpected

and exciting, he said that this was how he treated all his

customers and the old woman was no exception. Pic

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Happy happenings


References: www.goodnewsnetwork.org, www.theuglyindian.com, www.littlethings.com, www.thepositive.news, www.social.yourstory.com

If you have an inspiring or heart-touching story or incident to share,

email us at [email protected] and we’ll publish your story here.

Youngest parent to adopt an abandoned special needs child THE NEW JUVENILE JUSTICE bill passed by the government

changed the minimum adoption age in India from 30 to 25.

And no one could be happier than Aditya Tiwari who, a er

a long wait, was � nally able to adopt a child su ering from

Down Syndrome.

Binny, born to a rich family in Bhopal, was abandoned at an

orphanage when his parents discovered that he not only had

Down Syndrome, but also su ered from hearing problems and

had a hole in his heart. Aditya Tiwari met with his parents later

and was shocked to discover that they were capable of caring

for Binny, but simply didn’t want to, because of his condition.

Aditya decided to take him under his roof.

A er several lengthy legal procedures, Aditya was able to

adopt one-and-a-half-year-old Binny and was christened the

youngest bachelor in India to adopt a child.

Aditya gave Binny the name Avnish and although he had to

deal with the initial resistance and reluctance of his family, when

he � nally brought Avnish home, they welcomed him warmly.

“It’s a proud moment for us. We are grateful to God for

giving us a son like Aditya and now a grandson like Avnish,”

said Aditya’s parents.

Fitness trainer carries a 280-pound injured hiker to safety on his back DR DAN REARDON AND his girlfriend were on a holiday hike around Escondido Falls when

they noticed a man struggling to walk. Mark Martinez wanted to descend from the mountain in

Malibu, California, and was pitiably hopping around on one leg.

“He was limping quite badly. He looked like he was in a lot of pain. He was quite pale and

sweaty,” said Reardon. “He had family members, sort of helping him move along. But it was quite

clear that he was struggling.”

Dr Reardon and Dina Zaky o ered to help him. The young doctor who is also a �tness

enthusiast and the founder and CEO of FitnessGenes pulled the 280-

pound man over his back and spent two hours carrying him down.

Dina, on the other hand, ran down the hill to call for help. When she

couldn’t � nd anyone, she borrowed a phone from the nearest home and

called an ambulance. When the paramedics arrived, Reardon had carried

Martinez two miles down to safety. They found out that Mark su ered

from a broken ankle and an injury in his lower leg bone. According to

Dan, however, the incident “brought him and his girlfriend new friends

in the new year” and brought the families closer.

“We were able to help out someone who needed our help. And hope-

fully, we’ve demonstrated a positive message of ge ing � t in 2016,”

Reardon told TODAY later.

WHILE DRIVING BY the Kettle River in Minnesota,

Steven Peterson noticed a deer struggling to come

out of the river’s ice hole. Peterson wanted to do

something, but being deaf, he realised that trying

to communicate with emergency operators would

take time and might cost the deer its life. So he took

matters into his own hands and turned back to help.

He carried a tree branch over to the deer that

was struggling to get out of the water, spread

weight across the ice and loosely tied a yellow leash

around the deer’s neck. He then slowly and success-

fully pulled it out of the freezing water.

The deer, covered in ice and unable to stand up,

su� ered no major injuries. Peterson then pulled out

his camera and narrated the incident with the deer

lying behind him in the frame. He stayed with “Miss

Ice River”, as he named her, for another hour.

“I’m happy the deer is safe now,” he signed in

the recording before unleashing the deer and

signing o� .

Deaf man rescues deer caught in ice water

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Write notesbooks, music, movies and more

Rising StrongBy Dr Brené Brown

• Published by: Vermilion

• ISBN: 9780091955038 • Pages: 288 • Price: `599

Rising strong from our failures involves a three-

step process:

1 The Reckoning: Walking into our story and

recognising that a bu on has been pushed and

that we are about to explode with negative or

undesirable emotion.

2 The Rumble: Owning our story by being honest

about what we tell ourselves, by admi ing our

deeper emotions of shame, guilt, blame, and

being willing to revisit and challenge these self-

narratives to arrive at the truth of who we are

and how we engage with others.

3 The Revolution: Writing a new ending and

changing how we engage with the world on a

permanent basis.

Of these three steps, the Rumble is the messiest:

the place of the greatest struggle, and, a non-ne-

gotiable part of the process—to become aware of

the story we’re telling ourselves about our hurt,

anger, frustration or pain. In an e ort to come out

smelling of roses, we tend to glorify our recovery

and the redemptive ending while casting o the

emotional darkness that engulfs us when we are

down, face-in-the-dirt, struggling.

The book suggests that we write down our raw

emotions and feelings at this stage of rumbling—

what is called the SFD [“shi y � rst dra ”, as per

the author]—without � ltering the experience or

worrying about how our story makes us look.

Then we examine our self-defeating assumptions

by asking:

>> What do I know objectively?

>> What more do I need to learn and understand

about the other people in the story?

>> What more do I need to learn and understand

about myself?

Now we can look for the delta—or space—be-

tween the story we make up and a more objective

truth.

“Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s hav-

ing the courage to show up and be seen when we

have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is

not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.”

As with the previous two books, Rising Strong

is rich with anecdotes from Dr Brown’s own life.

Early in the book, she shares a story about a tough

moment that surprised her while swimming across

a lake with her husband during a family vacation.

Her self-doubt, emotional reaction, anger and pain

The triumph of vulnerability

The book’s cover states, “The physics of vulner-

ability is simple: if we are brave enough, o en

enough, we will fall. Being brave and falling helps

us grow and changes us for the be er.”

Social scientist and best-selling author Dr Brené

Brown has spent several years studying vulner-

ability, courage, authenticity and shame. While

her previous two books are a “call to arms” to

wholehearted living, this third book is all about

acknowledging the desperation, the shame, and

the vulnerability that comes along with failure,

and rising up to own our story.

When Dr Brown talks about failure, it is not

just in some large-scale professional endeavour,

but also the personal heartbreaks and catastrophes

in our lives. She addresses the complex nature of

failure, reminding us that we tend to “gold-plate”

failure and grit, sugar-coating the process and the

pain involved in falling and in deciding to rise

again. The book is not about the tired cliché of

failure being the stepping stone to success.


New releases

will resonate well with readers who have had a

similar experience. Instead of painting herself into

perfection, Dr Brown tears apart that experience to

seek the truth about her story and learn to own it,

and thereby engage from a place of understanding

and compassion.

“We can choose courage or we can choose com-

fort, but we can’t have both. Not at the same time.”

Our thoughts, actions and feelings are like a

three-legged stool, each equally important to make

a positive change in our lives. Positive thoughts

combined with negative feelings will not lead to

positive actions. O -loading, bouncing, or numb-

Ramayana: The Game of Life,Stolen Hope [Book 3]By Shubha Vilas

• Published by: Jaico Publishing house

• ISBN: 978-81-8495-824-9

• Pages: 312 • Price: `299

This fast-paced, heart-racing third book

that is part of a series, follows our heroes—

Rama, Lakshmana and Sita—on a journey through evil

labyrinths of Dandakaranya forest. It tests Lakshmana’s

loyalty, Sita’s endurance and Rama’s righteousness and

gives us a peek into the extremes of human nature like

deception, love, devotion, arrogance, power, greed and

values. It also explores the dynamics of human relations

and gives the popular saga a touch of modernity with its

easy and capturing narration.

The book has a short synopsis of preceding books to

keep you on the same page and is replete with footnotes

including references, analysis, lessons and interesting facts

relevant to the story.

When Breath Becomes AirBy Paul Kalanithi

• Published by: Bodley Head

• ISBN: 978-1847923677

• Pages: 256 • Price: `449

What makes life worth living in the face

of death? What do you do when the

future is no longer a ladder toward your

goals in life? What does it mean to nurture a new life as

another fades away? These are some of the questions the

author wrestles with in this profoundly moving, exquisitely

observed memoir.


At the age of 36, neurosurgeon Paul Kalanithi was

diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer. One day he was a

doctor treating the dying, and the next he was a patient

struggling to live. And just like that, the future he and his

wife had imagined evaporated. When Breath Becomes Air

chronicles Kalanithi’s transformation from a naïve medical

student into a neurosurgeon at Stanford and finally into

a patient and new father confronting his own mortality.

Kalanithi died in March 2015, while working on this book,

yet his words live on as a guide and a gift to us all. This

book is an unforgettable, life-affirming reflection on the

challenge of facing death and on the relationship between

doctor and patient, from a brilliant writer who became both.

Urmila: Recapturing the mythical journey of love and longing in contemporary IndiaBy Pervin Saket

• Published by: Jaico Publishing house

• ISBN: 978-81-8495-666-5

• Pages: 298 • Price: `350

This book is a modern-day story retelling of

an overlooked mythological character from

Ramayana and wife of Lakshman, Urmila.

Urmila Karmarkar is a talented,

passionate woman living in Mumbai in

the modern century. She is married to a wealthy, politically

connected man who abandons her to follow his brother in

Dubai on an unavoidable prolonged trip. Feeling rejected,

Urmila battles with her loneliness and finds solace in her art

and dreams of love and motherhood, all the while patiently

waiting for her husband’s arrival.

ing our hurts, or even stockpiling or bo ling them

up, or simply denying them, is not the way to deal

with our deep dark pain.

Borrowing from Newton’s Third Law of Motion,

Dr Brown proposes that for every emotion we feel,

there is a de� nite response elicited in us. When

angry, we can mindlessly lash out or we can be

aware of what we’re really feeling and adjust how

we respond. We learn that to be vulnerable and

resilient is the best way to engage with the world

so as not to be paralysed by fear of failure or hide

behind the veil of perfectionism.

By Sheela Preui

Trending this month

and


IF AN EXECUTIVE LAMENTS, “I am so burned-

out,” he is conveying li le useful information. Like

all psychological constructs that make their way

into popular parlance, burnout is ill-de�ned and

regularly misused. Most people believe that the

statement “I’m burned-out” conveys the fact that

they are six-sigma more stressed than they have

ever been or should ever be. Not true. In the same

vein, most people believe that CEOs do not

su er burnout owing to the commonly held belief

that those who sit at the top corporate hierarchies

give stress; they don’t get stressed. If stress and

burnout are close cousins, then CEOs are, logically,

burnout-proof.

Sadly, just the opposite is true. 75 per cent of

my coaching clients are CEOs, and my practice

has been that way for decades. As for “giving

rather than ge ing stressed,” who cares? Burnout,

particularly among C-level executives, has li le

if anything to do with stress. I should say, more

accurately, that burnout has virtually nothing to

do with distress, the noxious psychological state

that occurs when a person is forced to cope with

demands that exceed his capabilities.

Here’s an example of stress: You’re the CEO

of a company that is bleeding red ink and your

star salesperson tells you, “I need a raise or I’ll

be forced to leave.” With no money to pay this

peak performer and the awareness that without

her you’ll never be able to stay in business, the

circumstance you are in is prototypically stressful.

You’ll do all you can to save your saleslady and

your business, work round the clock to �nd a way

to keep her, but unless you �nd the resources

for that raise or reach a rapprochement with

your invaluable employee, you will experience

unabated stress.

This circumstance—a demand that exceeds your

competence level—is not the sort of occurrence

that precipitates burnout. On the contrary: Burnout

is born from a lack of stress—or, actually, the

absence of eustress, the “good stress” we feel when

challenged to meet goals we can and do achieve.

Athletes who compete against top competitors and

win feel eustress; so, too, salespeople who exceed

quotas, and managers who beat deadlines under

budget. Conversely, however, should an Olympic-

calibre athlete compete against a high school

The two sides of a coin

Burnout

Steven Berglas is an executive coach and management

consultant and was the faculty of Harvard Medical School’s

Department of Psychiatry for over 30 years. Fortune Magazine

honoured his book Reclaiming the Fire by naming it one of the 75

Smartest Business Books ever written. He holds a BA, cum laude,

Phi Beta Kappa, a PhD from Duke University, and he completed

postdoctoral training in social psychiatry at Harvard Medical School.


Burnout is not necessarily caused by excessive stress. On the contrary, it is o en the result

of boredom due to a paucity of challenges that test your me le. According to research,

work that has stopped engaging you can be harmful to your wellbeing. But it is possible to

insulate yourself from the phenomenon that a ects millions of unsuspecting executives

By Steven Berglas

student in his preferred sport, or a salesman reach

his annual quota in a few months simply by � ling

orders from repeat customers, neither individual

will derive eustress.

Working in circumstances akin to shooting � sh

in a barrel are, paradoxically, far more harmful

than pursuing goals you have to sweat to achieve.

The reason why this is so is simple: Humans

are innately challenge-hungry organisms who

are rewarded [at a neurological level] by doing

something “be er” every day. Ask yourself:

Would you go to Switzerland to ski and restrict

yourself to the “Beginner’s” slope, or would you

progress—from Beginner to Advanced to Expert to

the Black Diamond slope—each time you mastered

the preceding level of di culty? Note that you are

not paid for seeking ever-more-challenging slopes

to ski, nor are you forbidden from hanging-out on

the Bunny Hill with children. When free to choose,

virtually all humans crave a chance to prove their

worth and chafe at being kept � ightless like a bird

in a gilded cage.

The core cause of burnoutTo truly grasp how burnout undermines and o en

destroys careers, it is important to get a be er

handle on when and how people feel “eustress

deprived” at work. Speci� cally, you need to

understand how rewards are dispensed and the

manner in which they psychologically impact those

who receive them.

Rewards—most notably salaries and

bonuses—are administered according to a simple,

straightforward formula: More is be er. If I build

one widget I get one reward unit; two widgets get

me two units, and so on. Sooner or later I will have

all the reward units I need to live happily ever

a er, but because I am so pro� cient at building

widgets the company I work for continually gives

Burnout ensues when you are deprived of eustress at work


me fancier titles and more of the same sorts of units

I receive as a trainee. It’s like eating your favourite

ice cream… day a er day a er day. If you consume

limitless amounts, the experience grows boring.

A er months of having the same ice cream for

dessert, most people would pass on dessert rather

than eat a formerly delicious frozen treat.

Years ago I coached one senior so ware

executive at a huge IT company.1 His trek

from “engineer” to “senior executive so ware

engineering EVP” was meteoric because of

his ability to create easily understood “user

interfaces”—the steps we take and things we do

to access an IT function on a computer or PDA.

Amish loved working in IT, but when I met him

he was starting to su er burnout: “I’m the Dean of

‘Dumbing Down’ so ware and it’s killing me. I see

my colleagues designing cu ing-edge applications

and all I do is convert what was complex into

simple; a process that, I promise, is simpler than

you would believe. I’m bored witless!”

Amish told me that he o en asked to be re-

assigned to di erent design teams, and was

routinely told, “How can we replace you?”

Together he and I designed a simple strategy to

help him add eustress to his career—Amish would

groom two Amish-like substitutes who could create

user interfaces as well as he did, and demand that

they replace him so he can be freed-up to pursue

challenging opportunities within his company. The

paradox of this “treatment” for Amish’s burnout

was that increasing his workload signi� cantly [by

doing extra mentoring and training] was stress-

reducing. How? Because he was working toward

removing the shackles that bound him to a job that

caused him non-stop feelings of ennui.

When I discuss cases of burnout like Amish’s—

super-successful, lavishly rewarded individuals

who want to quit their jobs—I’m invariably

confronted by someone yearning to escape from a

mountain of demands that seem insurmountable;

who feels a need to tell me that I’m full of crap: “Let

me get a few e ortless wins, a few days when �sh

jump into my boat rather than me having to �sh for

them,” he’ll say, “and I guarantee I’ll feel nothing

but blessed.” This belief makes intuitive sense, I tell

my detractor, but it is 100 per cent false.

As TE Lawrence [aka Lawrence of Arabia]

observed, “There could be no honour in a sure

success.” For any pursuit to a ord eustress, it must

test your skills or me le. If your chosen vocation

does not enable you to derive eustress from task

completion, it is only a ma er of time before you

will su er burnout.

The two kinds of burnoutsWhat is unique—and damaging—about burnout

is that it impacts the rich and not-so-rich, the

experienced and novice, equally. To help people

grasp this notion, I divide the world of burnout

su erers into two.

The largest cohort of burnout victims su er

what I call “Generic Burnout”—a syndrome of

emotional exhaustion and cynicism characterised

by symptoms ranging from chronic fatigue to

anger. Those who su er this form of burnout feel

they are trapped in a job that has ceased to provide

them with personal grati� cation or a sense of meaning.

In essence they prove the commonsense notion

that “being in it just for the money” is never truly

rewarding.

The other cohort su ers what I call Supernova

Burnout—the type of burnout caused by eustress

deprivation a er a person has enjoyed bountiful

successes. This form of burnout is paradoxical to

those who endure it since their belief that a history

of success would protect them from su ering

emotional distress. Supernova burnout proves that

just the opposite is true: High achievers are actually

victimised by a history of success that exposes them

to several di erent noxious experiences.

1 All names and job descriptions used in this piece are cra ed ina manner that preserves my clients’ true identity.

If your chosen vocation does

not enable you to derive

eustress from task completion,

it is only a matter of time

before you will suffer burnout


First and foremost, a history of success at a

particular trade sets a person up to su er boredom

as a result of amassed pro� ciency. All successful

white-collar professionals will tell you that the

surgery, legal work, management they’ve done

for decades became “old hat”, and that as their

reputation soared so, too, did feelings of ennui.

Talk to pillars of the professional community who

are widely admired and you will be shocked at how

many will admit to wondering, “Is that all there

is?” long before it becomes time to even consider

retirement.

Adding insult to this injury, a history of success

can expose a person to shame and embarrassment

if he fails to perform as expected. The poet Robert

Browning observed, “A man’s reach should exceed

his grasp, or what’s a heaven for?” True, and a

primary reason why not being able to “reach”

causes burnout. But for those who have a ained

great professional heights, something very

problematic o en occurs: Their reach, being � nite,

cannot possibly grasp all they [or others] want

them to take hold of. As every person who is not

self-employed will tell you, “You’re only as good as

your last big score, and that last ‘big score’ is now

the � oor below which you cannot drop lest you

become labelled a laggard or worse.”

Finally, the most di cult aspect of Supernova

Burnout is dealing with being trapped in Golden

Handcu s. A person who gets to a point where

he fears that limits on his capacity to “reach” will

shame him is almost always atop a professional

hierarchy and, as such, amply rewarded for all he

did to get there. Thus, on top of yearning for novel

challenges and fearing that inexorably greater

performance demands will shame you, those who

su er Supernova Burnout must deal with the reality

of having grown accustomed to a lifestyle that

cannot be sustained if they say, “Take this job and

shove it…”

White-collar crimeI cannot recall a week when I failed to � nd an

instance of Supernova Burnout reported by the

press. Why? Because newspaper reporters are

fascinated by corporate executives, o en idealised,

super-powerful leaders who also happen to be the

prime candidates for contracting this disorder.

Why this is so is not instantly obvious. To

understand the vulnerability of CEOs to Supernova

Burnout you have to take a dispassionate view

of their careers starting with the arduous climb

they must make to get to the top and, frankly,

how mind-numbing the life of a CEO can be if he

does his job correctly. CEOs earn millions if they

delegate to superstars, hire to their weaknesses,

groom successors, and when confronted by

perplexing problems, knowing which consultant

can � nd a solution quickest. Given how most CEOs

spent 18-hour days proving their worth before

they landed the “ultimate job in the corner o ce,”

you can well imagine that being in charge can be a

breeze… and, potentially, dull if not � at-out boring.

This is not to say that CEOs face no challenges but,

rather, a CEO who does his job in an ideal manner

can, paradoxically, expose himself to eustress

deprivation without knowing it.

What happens to these men [women rarely

su er Supernova Burnout2. Also see box Why

women are less likely to su er Supernova Burnout

on page 29]? They o en engage in white-collar

crime. I am not alone in holding this view: About

2,000 years ago the ancient Roman Senator Publius

Cornelius Tacitus observed, “We are corrupted by

prosperity.” When people are corrupted in this way,

observers invariably ask, “He had the world in the

palms of his hands… what made him do it?” The

answer is Supernova Burnout, not, as common

sense wisdom holds, greed or lust for power other

than power to control whether or not one enjoys

eustress or endures ennui.

2 I address this gender di erence at length in mybook, Reclaiming the Fire: How successfulpeople overcome burnout, Chapter 5.

All successful white-collar

professionals will tell you that

the work they’ve done for

decades became “old hat” and

as their reputation soared,

so did their ennui


The most clear-cut example of a CEO su ering

Supernova Burnout I am aware of is that of a

near-billionaire shopping mall developer Adolph

Alfred Taubman. Back in 1983, a er a stellar career,

Taubman stepped-in to rescue ailing British auction

house Sotheby’s from a hostile takeover. At the time

he was well into his 70s and a member of the Forbes

400, which made Taubman an ideal White Knight:

He had more money than he could ever possibly

spend on himself, and was free to “do good”

through philanthropic activities.

Actually, Taubman’s penchant for philanthropy

was well established when he went o to save

Sotheby’s. He made huge donations to the

University of Michigan [including gi s to the

Taubman Medical Library and Taubman Health

Care Center], as well as sponsoring a number

of disease research projects. The problem is that

the passive giving-away of money generates

li le eustress. Pride, yes; a sense of satisfaction

in knowing you have helped others, sure. But

“giving” is not achieving, involves no overcoming

of obstacles, and generates no eustress. Thus, when

in 1983, Taubman was clearly hungering for a

rewarding challenge that would be able to generate

eustress, he decided to become Sotheby’s White

Knight. He delivered, too: he made good on his

promise to save the �rm, and �ve years later in 1988

took it public.

But two years later, a er an investigation into

alleged price-�xing between Sotheby’s and rival

auction house Christie’s was launched, Taubman

was publicly humiliated. A jury found him guilty

of price-�xing, which led to him being �ned $7.5

million and imprisoned for 10 months, both as a

result of anti-trust violations. Why?

For over 30 years I have worked with executives

who have commi ed �nancial crimes as senseless

as Taubman’s when they had absolutely no need

for money. Based on this clinical experience and

other data, I am 100 per cent certain that Taubman’s

motivation for engaging in criminal behaviour was

not greed: The psychological pressures born of

eustress deprivation, “let down,” ennui, and related

feelings, drove Taubman to dare the devil and

endeavour to defeat him by engineering what he

viewed to be a “harmless” price-�xing scheme. Had

he go en away with it he would have felt high as

a kite. Instead, a er amassing roughly $200,000 in

ill-go en gains, Taubman’s life was in ruins.

CEOs are not the only people to su er

Supernova Burnout. Any high-achieving man

wanting desperately to escape the circumstances

he sought to be in a er years of arduous work to

Devoid of challenges, super

achievers often indulge in white

collar crime


get there will fall victim to it. Multi-millionaire

monetary fund managers begging to break the grip

of Golden Handcu s, academics willing to discard

advanced degrees to escape the mind-numbing

tedium of academe, and musicians and actors who

report being crippled by the demands of constantly

needing to answer calls of “encore, encore” when

what they want to scream at audiences is “Ciao!”

These are the brightest and best, so why can’t they

reason their way out of the dilemmas that give rise

to Supernova Burnout?

The reason, in large measure, is the perception

that others have of these people. It’s hard, if

everyone you meet says, “I want to be you when

I grow up,” to shout, “No, no, my life is horrid!”

Much of our self-de� nition comes from the

perceptions of others, and when “others” keep

insisting you’ve got it good, you have to wonder if

you are crazy for thinking otherwise. In addition,

things are not always horrid for those who su er

Supernova Burnout. The problem is, when it comes

to any- and everything related to their careers,

the urge to rip themselves loose from ennui is

maddening.

When others perceive you as larger than life, you tend to believe them


WHY WOMEN ARE LESS LIKELY TO SUFFER SUPERNOVA BURNOUT

3 Greenglass, E. (1997). Gender di erences in mental health. In H. S. Friedman (Ed.), Encyclopedia of Mental Health. San Diego: Academic Press.

THE SIMPLE ANSWER is that

it is not genetics… at least

as far as we can tell today.

Maybe J Craig Venter and the

scientists at Celera Genomics

Group will pinpoint which of the

three billion building blocks of

genetic code cause women to

be supernova burnout resistant.

But for the moment, this disease

resistance is a function of

nurture, not nature. Specifically,

because of the manner in which

they are socialised, women

develop a propensity to seek

“connectedness” with others

whereas men have no such

drive. To state this gender

difference in simplistic terms,

while males would be more likely

to view being King of the Hill as

a virtuous, gender-consistent

outcome, females would

typically see it as anathema

to their sense of identity.

More often than not, females

would far prefer to be “most

popular” than, say, most likely to

succeed, if—and this is a crucial

“if”—success were defined in

terms that connote occupying

an isolated position atop a

performance or social hierarchy.

emotional pain. Because women

have a more nurturing nature

than men, and as a result of their

earliest socialisation experiences

adult women fear separateness

and broken ties, they traditionally

make greater efforts to either

sustain relationships or resurrect

ones that appear to have faltered

or failed.

Here’s the surprise: The

ongoing burden of feeling “I

should make this relationship

work” will, in the short term,

lead women to experience stress

and, over time, it is likely that

psychological depression will

ensue. This is particularly true

if a woman concludes that the

failure to keep her relationships

thriving is a function of her

powerlessness or helplessness.

That said, women don’t “stay

the course” and deny they

are in pain; they acknowledge

psychological pain and reach-out

for help. Whereas men need to

be macho, project invincibility,

and infallibility—isolating

themselves from resources that

could facilitate their problems

born of success—a woman’s

propensity to stay connected

with others is one of, if not the,

most effective inoculations

against Supernova Burnout

there is. It affords perspective

on the paradoxical, and often

grossly illogical, problems born

of success, it provides coping

strategies, and above all else it

provides a network of support

that conveys, “Should you falter,

we’re here to catch you.” A male,

projecting, “I am a rock… I am

an island” invincibility will crash

and burn should the real-world

stressors born of success pierce

his façade.

Here’s the tricky part of a

woman’s capacity to avoid

suffering supernova burnout—

while connectedness can be

extraordinarily beneficial, the

downside risk of seeking to

retain interpersonal connections

is that you are vulnerable to

the psychological pain that

ensues when connections are

threatened or broken.

According to demographic

studies of mental health3,

20 to 26 per cent of women

will experience diagnosable

depression at some time in

their lives, compared with

8 – 12 per cent of men. One

reason cited for this disparity is

that women suffer more from

depression [and, in related ways,

stress] because of the manner

in which women experience

the implications of broken

interpersonal ties. Whereas a

jilted male could be expected to

cope with his negative feelings in

ways that are likely to externalise

emotional pain [eg becoming

physically aggressive or

becoming distracted by acting-

out or abusing drugs], women

are socialised to not externalise


Try these techniques to address supernova burnoutEach client I coach has individual needs and a

unique case of Supernova Burnout. I abhor “one

size � ts all” remediation, and never use it. That

said, I can give you a few generalities about what

you should do if you feel ennui overwhelming you

or, be er yet, if you fear that someday what is not

exhilarating will bring about ennui:

1 ASK FOR HELP. A surprising consequence

of having a history of being successful is

that it makes simple requests for assistance

extraordinarily di cult to make. There are many

reasons why this is so, the primary one being that

successful people are known to overcome adversity

by trying harder and harder… the “If at � rst you

don’t succeed, try, try, again” model. Operationally,

success comes to them on what psychologists call

an “intermi ent reinforcement schedule” that trains

them to “push” much longer than, say, someone

who has not succeeded a er protracted e ort

would. As a result, successful people have their

“help-asking muscles” atrophy over time. If you

force yourself to ask for help, you open yourself

up to novel problem-solving approaches that o en

contain opportunities for eustress generation you

would never think of. On a more fundamental

level, since people are intimidated by those who

are successful, asking other people for help sends

the message, “I’m a regular guy… don’t run away.”

Not only does this posture open the door to new

challenges, it makes you appear vulnerable.

2 ADMIT VULNERABILITY. This suggestion is

a corollary to point #1 above. I give it its own

place among the suggestions I present because it is

so important.

As noted above, success is intimidating, and un-

less successful people who need help solving prob-

lems acknowledge their feet of clay, no one will risk

approaching them. Conversely, when a successful

person acknowledges the need for help, he engen-

ders waves of support owing to the fact that his

gesture is unexpected and � a ering to the person it

is directed at. Even if being vulnerable does nothing

in terms of eustress generation, it is far simpler to

tolerate ennui if you are not lonely at the top.

3 PICK A FIGHT. Virtually all people

experiencing Supernova Burnout feel that

their future safety and security will be jeopardised

by the failure to live up to inexorably increasing

performance expectations. Unfortunately, what all

humans do in circumstances where they fear the

worst is to become six-sigma more risk averse than

justi� able. In my coaching practice I � nd extreme

cases of Supernova Burnout driving once-assertive

people to be terri� ed of disputing or opposing

views that contradict their own. For these reasons

[and others], I counsel people su ering Supernova

Burnout to “pick � ghts”—the intellectual kind, not

� st� ghts. Why? If fear has caused a person to be

professionally risk averse, no new challenges will

come his way unless or until he sticks his neck out.

Beginning this process on an intellectual level is a

safe � rst step toward disputing the fear that all will

be lost if you fail to live up to expectations born of

past successes.

4 DO NOT OVERHAUL WHO YOU ARE; NEVER

ATTEMPT TO REINVENT YOURSELF;

RE-APPLY YOUR STRENGTHS IN NOVEL WAYS.

Freud said, “Character is fate,” and while a bit

hyperbolic, this belief is more right than wrong.

We are who we are from age three. What we do

with who we are, however, can be bent, twisted

and moulded in in� nite ways. A shy introvert can

never be a politician just as an extroverted “people

person” cannot � t into a librarian’s job description.

Why is this important to focus on when combating

Supernova Burnout? Because if you know you have

a strong core component to your personality—eg

gregarious machismo—you can stick to your

primary job and move, step-wise, into new

opportunities for eustress with con� dence.

During 1999 – 2003 a very rough, macho, he-man

who previously had “careers” as [� rst] a US Navy

SEAL [commando � ghter] and then a professional

wrestler, became the Governor of Minnesota. This

man, Jessie Ventura, spent his life re-packaging, in

small steps, his “core self” which is that of a tough

guy. By this repackaging, a man who was a member

of the most elite � ghting force in the US Military

and then a “sham-wrestler” on TV, got into politics

and charmed the electorate of a populous state in

the USA. By doing so, whenever a career he was in

bored him or became too challenging to master, he


morphed—true to his core—into another version of

himself.

You, too, can do this to avoid Supernova

Burnout. Any successful professional who does

not su er stage fright can teach about his area of

expertise. Are you afraid of being in front of an

audience? Write a book. A client of mine who was

trapped in Golden Handcu s just did this and is

elated about the prospect of selling his book on

TV talk shows and radio programmes. He’ll lose

money every day he “hawks” his book, but the

challenge of educating audiences about his message

has him walking on cloud nine.

If you believe you cannot write or teach, seek

new sources of eustress through mentoring your

replacements. It sounds morbid—“When I retire [or

die] you’ll take over,” but just the opposite is true.

Nothing is more eustress generative than to be told,

“Thanks; you made me a be er person.” It conveys

not only worth but e cacy in the world. Only

some people in� uence others. If you cannot do so

in academe, writing, politics or public speaking,

a one-on-one mentorship will give you the same

results and, when you’ve succeeded, time to try

to surmount challenges you had told yourself you

couldn’t consider “given all my responsibilities.”

The brilliant psychologist/philosopher William

James said, “There is but one cause of human

failure. And that is man’s lack of faith in his

true self.” If you can test the limits of your “true

self” with con� dence, you will never be le

unchallenged, devoid of eustress, and subject to the

ravages of Supernova Burnout.


Seek new sources of eustress by mentoring your potential replacements

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COMPLETE WELLBEING


How to be an authentic leader

career & workplaceManage

someone likes you when you are living a lie,

he may stop associating with you when he

� nds out the real you; because sooner or later,

truth reveals itself. By pretending to be some-

one you are not just for garnering a ention,

you are most likely to end up a racting the

wrong people.

Not being yourself can also lead to a

no-win situation. If you are not a genuine ex-

pression of yourself, the acclaim of your col-

leagues and your friends will amount to li le.

It is important that you like yourself � rst, and

that can only happen if you allow yourself to

be true to your inner being.

Costco co-founder and former CEO, Jim

Sinegal, answered his own phone line, main-

tained a small o ce, paid himself a salary

far lower than that of his peers and wore a

Authentic leadership endures because it exists as a function of the individual rather than a crowd of borrowed opinions

By Brian Tracy and Azim Jamal


THE POWER OF AUTHENTIC leadership

was captured in a 2007 study in HBR. The

study—which polled over 100 business lead-

ers, aged 23 to 95, chosen among their peer

groups for being authentic—found that there

was no single personal trait that made the

leaders appear authentic to their peers.

Rather, they “were constantly testing

themselves through real-world experiences

and reframing their life stories to understand

who they were at their core. In doing so, they

discovered the purpose of their leadership

and learned how being authentic made them

more e ective.”

Are you living a lie?A lot of people fear being themselves because

they feel they won’t be liked or accepted. If

nametag that simply said, “Jim”. This made

him wildly popular with his employees, and

le him with the lowest employee turnover

rate in the retail industry.

McDonald’s founder Ray Kroc expected all

employees to keep McDonald’s clean and did

not exempt himself from the job—he picked

up the garbage found in the parking lots of

every McDonald’s outlet that he visited.

Authentic leadership is the only leadership

that endures, because it exists as a function

of the individual rather than a crowd of bor-

rowed opinions.

The key to real power Authenticity is not just the key to a long-

lasting career; it is the key to developing

real, meaningful power. Charisma, though

an important quality of leadership, can lead

to destructive behaviour if it’s not tethered

to authentic values. Jordan Belfort [the

stockbroker whose crimes were dramatised in

the � lm, The Wolf of Wall Street] and Bernard

Mado used their charisma to swindle people

out of their life’s savings. Both these men

had power but it was not tethered to good,

authentic values. Real power comes from

authenticity.

If you want your success to be sustainable,

if you want it to have a strong foundation, if

you want it to have purpose and meaning,

there is no other way than to be authentic.

Your inner light shines through you when

you are credible and trustworthy, and honest

enough to admit to your limitations. The real-

ity is that even with all your limitations, you

are still unique and special. Embrace who you

are, � aws and all. If you try to be someone

else, you only become a ‘second-best some-

one’. As they say: “Be yourself. Everyone else

is already taken.”

Challenge yourself with the following

‘How to’ exercises:

ACCEPT and realise your imperfections.

Shortcomings are part of who you are. Ac-

cepting this makes you powerful because

now you can understand and relate to others.

You will also be more open to feedback, guid-

ance, and constructive criticism.

LIVE a life of honesty and integrity. It’s likely

that you will succeed in some areas, but not

in others. View every gap as an opportunity

to grow.

KNOW that being di erent is good. Your

USP comes from being di erent and unique.

Achievers like Michael Jordan, Steve Jobs and

JK Rowling were o en regarded as eccentric

or reckless.

RADIATE con� dence. When you are authen-

tic, you can be con� dent that you are doing

the right thing. You can also have con� dence

that the people in your life who are not

aligned with you are not supposed to be in

your life anyway.

BE non-judgemental. Be careful about judg-

ing others because you do not know what

they are going through.

ADMIT mistakes and apologise because this

builds trust. This may seem hard because

we fear that we may appear incompetent.

However, small inadequacies in life are nor-

mal and can be accepted by almost everyone.

Dishonesty and cover-ups are far worse.

PRACTICE courage. Speak the truth and

allow yourself to be vulnerable. For example,

in a sta meeting, ask for help if you need it,

ask a question, speak up about a concern you

may have. Don’t worry about what others

may think. By expressing yourself authenti-

cally, you inspire others in your team to be

real and take timely action.

BE true to yourself. Before embarking on

something, ask: Does this feel right to me?

When you are true to yourself, you are

generally true to others.

Azim Jamal is an international best-selling

author, highly sought-after motivational speaker,

author and coach. His dynamic and inspiring

Corporate Sufi message has been heard by over

one million people around the world and his work

has been recognised by Deepak Chopra, Wayne

Dyer, Jack Canfield and Ken Blanchard.


Brian Tracy is an entrepreneur, professional

speaker, best-selling author and success

expert. He has written and produced more than

300 audio and video learning programmes,

including the worldwide, best-selling

Psychology of Achievement, which has been

translated into more than 28 languages.



exerciseDiscover

Prolonged si ing is linked to many serious healthconcerns including diabetes and heart disease

By Kiran Shete

HAVE YOU EVER COUNTED the number

of hours you sit in a day? You would be

surprised to know that an adult spends on an

average 9.7 hours/day si ing and the number

can go up to 15 for o ce workers. This trend

of sedentary lifestyle in the digital age has

become a global threat and may add to an al-

ready increased burden of non-communicable

diseases. Research now suggests that si ing

for too long is bad for your health, regardless

of how much you exercise.

In 2010, the American Cancer Society

released a report in the American Journal of

Epidemiology stating that men who sat for six

hours or more a day in their leisure time had

an overall death rate that was nearly 20 per

cent higher than men who sat for three hours

or less in the 14-year follow-up period. And

women who sat for more than six hours a

day had a death rate that was almost 40 per

cent higher. Similar results were published

in Archives of Internal Medicine stating that

people who sit for long periods are at more

risk of dying early.

That’s why many wellness oriented com-

panies now have standing desks for employ-

ees—i.e. employees do not sit for working on

desktop but they are provided with special

desks which allow to them carry out their

work while standing. Many people alternate

between standing and si ing. There is also a

trend of using a treadmill desk—wherein you

walk while you work!

What are the harmful e ects ofsi ing?A.When we sit for a long duration, our leg

muscles become slack and don’t contract

e ectively to pump blood to the heart. This

leads to pooling of blood in the legs which,

in turn, reduces the ability of the blood ves-

sels to expand. Problems range from swollen

ankles and varicose veins to dangerous blood

clots called deep vein thrombosis [DVT].

B. This sluggish blood �ow also leads to

deposition of fat in blood vessels, clogging

them which further limits the oxygen and

nutrient supply to the brain slowing down

the brain function.

C. Chronic si ers use their hip muscles to a

lesser extent, which is a reason for decreased

hip stability commonly causing fall in the

elderly population.

D. If most of your si ing happens at your

workstation, craning your neck forward

toward a keyboard or tilting your head to

cradle a phone while typing can strain the

cervical vertebrae and lead to permanent

imbalances giving rise to variety of conditions

ranging from muscular pain to spondylosis.

E. It is a well-known fact that prolonged sit-

ting leads to permanent postural defects and

spinal injuries.

F.When you sit, your upper-body weight

rests entirely on the si ing bones instead of

being distributed along the spine leading to

pain in tail bone region.

G. Lack of inactivity is one of the reasons for

increasing incidence of osteoporosis.

H. People who sit more are at greater risk for

herniated lumbar disc [slipped disc].

AT YOUR OWN RISK


Contrary to prolonged si ing, standing

causes cellular changes that improve muscu-

lar and metabolic function of the body. When

we walk or move about, so discs between

the vertebrae expand and contract like

sponges, soaking up fresh blood and nutri-

ents. But when we sit for an extended period,

these discs are squashed unevenly leading to

spinal problems.

I. Prolonged si ing disrupts the metabolic

functions slowing them down by 90 per

cent a er only 30 minutes of si ing, raising

plasma triglycerides, cholesterol and blood

sugar. And a er two hours, good cholesterol

drops by 20 per cent. Si ing for long has been

linked to high blood pressure. It substantially

increases growth factors that lead to cancer

especially colon cancer, endometrial cancer

and breast cancer.

J. Researches have suggested that si ing

for long hours impact mental wellbeing of

workers, increasing the incidence of reduced

social skills, anxiety and depression.

How do I know if I am si ing toomuch?If you’ve been si ing for an hour at a stretch,

you’ve been si ing for too long. We should all

be up at least 10 minutes out of every hour.

People who don’t exercise can be healthier

even if all they do is reduce the amount of

time they sit. In fact, if you go to the gym

regularly or walk for 30 – 45 minutes a day,

but sit down the rest of the time, you are still

leading a “sedentary lifestyle”.

Recent research even showed that just

three hours of si ing was su cient to cause

damage to blood vessels, but when the si ing

time was interrupted by a gentle 10-minute

cycling session, no decline in vascular

function was recorded.

Overall, prolonged sitting causes>> About a 125 per cent increased risk of events associated with

cardiovascular disease, such as chest pain [angina] or heart

attack

>> 112 per cent increase in the risk of diabetes

>> 147 per cent increase in cardiovascular events

>> 90 per cent increase in death caused by cardiovascular events

>> 49 per cent increase in death from any cause

How can I reduce mysi ing time?At home:

>> Take the stairs instead of using the li

>> Make sure you get up and walk around

a er every 30min of si ing

>> Walk 7,000 to 10,000 steps a day

>> Swap some TV time for more active tasks

or hobbies

>> Avoiding si ing whenever possible.

At work:

>> Have alternate breaks of si ing and stand-

ing at work

>> Break up periods of si ing or standing by

doing simple exercises at your desk

>> To work standing, raise the level of laptop

by placing it over a stand, box or books

>> Stand or walk around while on the phone

>> Take a walk break every time you take a

co ee or tea break

>> Have standing meetings

>> Avoid driving continuously for more than

50 minutes; take a short break of 2 – 3 min-

utes in between

>> You may consider using standing worksta-

tions.

Special advice for parentsAs children are spending less time doing

physical activities and more time watching

TV or playing video games, parents must

establish healthy habits during the early years

in order to protect them from future health

imbalances.

>> Lead by example by reducing their TV

time and other si ing-based tasks

>> Keep a limit on TV/screen time

>> Make bedrooms a TV- and computer-free

zone

>> Encourage participation in house chores

and outdoor games

>> Choose gi s such that encourage physical

activities

>> Reduce time spent in infant carriers, car

seats or highchairs

Wish you all a healthy spine and joints!

Kiran Shete, MS [Ortho],

DNB, F.ASIF

[Swiss], MNAMS,

PGPM [ISB], is

the founder and

medical director

of Pune-based

Spinalogy Clinic.




Regain your GLOW

skincareResolve

Our skin loses its sheen due to many factors. Here are some things you can do to restore its lost glory

By Sudhakar Grandhi


THE SHEER RADIANCE SEEN on a child’s

face is a joy to behold. However, over time,

this glow vanishes. How does this happen?

There are multiple causes for this—pollution,

UV radiation, diet, stress, ageing and wrong

skincare. All of these take their toll on our

skin, making it dull and lifeless.

Like all other organs in our body, our skin

too undergoes wear and tear as we age. A

poor diet and dehydration cause the skin to

become dry and dull. UV rays darken and tan

the skin, making it lifeless. Collagen decreas-

es with age, leading to loosening of the skin

and formation of wrinkles. Indiscriminate use

of harsh creams and cleansers also adds to the

damage. In addition, hormonal changes and

the natural ageing process all a ect the lustre.

All of these together result in age spots, wrin-

kles, crow’s feet and a dull, listless skin.

Can this be prevented? To a certain extent, yes. A balanced diet,

adequate water intake, strict sun protec-

tion, judicious use of cosmetics and proper

pampering of the skin can help prevent the

damage to some extent. However, there is still

a loss of glow to a variable extent.

Can we get this glow back and how?The old adage “healthy mind begets a

healthy body” is also apt for the skin, as the

skin is a window to the state of our body.

The glow is a combination of factors, both

internal and external:

Stress: It a ects our skin acutely—it robs

the skin of its glow. It causes worry and

frown lines, dark circles, age spots and

pigmentation. Keeping one’s mind calm and

tackling stress fruitfully go a long way in

returning the glow. When we are calm, our

face is relaxed and the worry lines ease out,

giving the skin its radiance. Deep breathing

[pranayama], yoga and meditation help to

get the glow back. We have only to recollect

the images of saints and yogis to understand

the glow from a serene mind. Internal bliss is

re� ected as a warm radiant glow on the skin.

A happy mind leads to happy skin, so we

must smile more.

Exercise: A healthy body too is re� ected as

healthy skin. Regular exercise helps keep the

body, particularly the heart, in good condi-

tion. And what is good for the heart is also

good for the skin. Besides, exercise increases

the blood supply to the skin and the sweat

helps � ush out toxins. So, a daily workout is a

must for good skin.

Diet: It plays an important role in keeping

our skin glowing. A diet rich in fruits and

vegetables helps. Eat lots of red fruits and

vegetables like carrots, tomatoes, papaya and

green leafy vegetables. These are good sourc-

es of beta-carotene and antioxidants, which

protect our skin from damage. Fruits like

guava, amla, lime and green leafy vegetables

provide vitamin C, which is required for the

integrity of the skin and for the production

of dermal collagen. Nuts and dairy prod-

ucts provide vitamin E, which is needed for

elastin and collagen formation, which lends

suppleness to the skin. Both vitamin C and E

act as antioxidants; they protect our skin from

oxidative damage. Adequate protein intake

is a must. Avoid having processed or junk

food, fats and carbohydrates in excess. Drink

adequate amount of water.

Environmental factors: Pollution and UV

rays harm the skin. Therefore, use a sun-

screen with 20 SPF regularly and in adequate

quantity. Apply sunscreen half an hour before

going out in the sun, and again every 2 – 3

hours or more frequently if you tend to sweat

profusely. Sunscreens come in a variety of lo-

tions, gels and creams. Choose one according

to your skin type—lotions for dry skins and

gels for oily skins. Wear a cap, sunglasses or

sun coat while going out.

Other measuresScars and pigmentation due to acne, and

melasma require treatments to revive the

glow. Treatments are also available for sun-



burn, tanning and ageing. Dermatologists

have an armamentarium for tackling these

problems and help get back your supple,

radiant skin.

>> Various exfoliants available as scrubs,

creams, soaps and washes help remove

dead cells and are the simplest form of

treatment.

>> Creams containing retinoic acid of various

concentrations, adaferin, glycolic acid,

AHA [Alpha hydroxyl acid], BHA [Beta

hydroxy acid] and azelaic acid loosen the

corneocytes causing exfoliation, which

helps restore glow.

>> Mild de-pigmenting creams containing

hydroquinone, kojic acid, vitamin C and

azelaic acid also help treat suntan and

pigmentation.

>> Creams containing vitamin E and retinoic

acid help rejuvenate the collagen and

plump up the skin.

>> Skin moisturisers containing squalene help

hydrate the skin and make it look fresh.

Skin proceduresFollowing are some dermatological proce-

dures that help restore the skin’s glow.

Peels: These use di erent concentrations of

glycolic acid, lactic acid, kojic acid or man-

delic acid, which act as exfoliants, and mild

de-pigmenting agents. The peels smoothen

out rough skin, improve texture of sun-dam-

aged skin, and when mixed with bleaching

agents, correct pigment problems to make

the skin look younger and fresher. Quali�ed

dermatologists assess the skin type and the

extent of skin damage before prescribing a

regimen of peels. In certain cases, stronger

peels of phenol or TCA [trichloracetic acid]

are required.

Microdermabrasion: The dead layer of skin

is gently removed by the scrubbing action of

micro �ne crystals of aluminium oxide, which

are sprayed on to the skin with the help of a

machine. This gives a polish to the skin and

hence is also known as skin polishing. Re-

peated si ings of microdermabrasion help to

reduce super�cial blemishes, acne scars, �ne

wrinkles and pits.

Botox injections: Botulinium toxin is derived

from clostridium bacteria and is injected

under the skin into the subcutaneous mus-

cles. It temporarily paralyses these muscles,

thereby smoothing wrinkles, �ne frown lines,

and gives a more youthful appearance. To be

done by a trained dermatologist, it is a safe

procedure and gives instant and dramatic

results. The results last for 6 – 9 months and

the injections may be repeated many times.

Dermaroller treatment: This procedure

involves perforating the skin or scar tissue

with special medical graded stainless steel

needles [micro-needling] set on a unique

rolling device. This creates dermal damage

without the removal of the healthy epidermis.

It stimulates the skin to produce new collagen

thereby reducing wrinkles and improving

skin texture. The healing period of this treat-

ment is very short.

Laser resurfacing: CO2, fraxel, or Erb-Yag

lasers are used to smoothen the skin and give

it a glow. They also remove �ne lines, scar

and blemishes like stretch marks.

Skin tightening: Using Thermage radio

frequency this treatment helps to tighten the

skin and give it a taut and smooth look.

Intense Pulse Light System [IPL]: This acts

on �ne blood vessels, �ne lines, age spots,

�ne wrinkles and sun damage to help remove

these blemishes.

With the availability of all these facilities,

and by keeping ourselves mentally and physi-

cally �t, we can maintain our glow and even

get it back. Of course, beauty can never be

only skin-deep. True beauty lies in the eyes of

the beholder, hence it is most important that

you keep a positive a itude and keep glow-

ing from within!

From our archives

Sudhakar Grandhi MBBS,

DV & D, is a consultant dermatologist

in Pune [Skin Clinic]. He is actively

involved in conducting skin camps for

detection, treatment and rehabilitation

for leprosy patients. His other interests

include travelling and reading.



food & nutrition

Indulge

Anjana Devasahayam is an engineer

turned recipe developer, food stylist and

photographer for her blog, At The Corner Of Happy

& Harried. She shares wholesome, delicious

recipes; be it family heirlooms, classic recipes from

around the world or her own inventions to feed her

family of three.www.happyandharried.com/

PAPAYAPLEASURES

DELICIOUSLY SWEET WHEN RIPE, the papaya is a tropical fruit with

a bu ery so � esh that has hues ranging from pinkish yellow to rich

orange. In Asian cuisine, the unripe green papaya is equally valued

and is used in many recipes. Papayas are a storehouse of antioxidant

nutrients such as carotenes, vitamin C and � avonoids, B vitamins,

folate and pantothenic acid, minerals such as potassium, copper, and

magnesium, and � bre. Together, these nutrients promote the health

of the cardiovascular system, improve digestive health and immunity,

and also help lower in� ammation.

Here are four recipes that use this wonderful fruit in di erent ways.

From unripe green papayas to ripe musky sweet ones, you will

discover di erent dimensions of the papaya

Papaya can be cooked in interesting ways too.

Anjana Devasahayam shares four must-try healthy recipes

that will call out to your taste buds.


Papaya in a spicy coconut gravy

A delicious vegan papaya curry

cooked in a spicy coconut gravy. Goes

well with rice or rotis.

Serves 3 – 4

You will need:

1½ cups papaya, thinly sliced to 1” long

pieces

¼ cup water

¼ tsp turmeric powder

¼ tsp red chilli powder

½ tsp salt

To grind:

¼ cup grated coconut

4 shallots

2 garlic cloves

1 – 2 green chillies

½ tsp cumin seeds

To temper:

1 tbsp oil, preferably coconut oil

½ tsp mustard seeds

2 whole dried red chillies

5 – 6 curry leaves

1 shallot, thinly sliced

2 tbsp grated coconut

How to:

1. Cook the papaya with water, turmeric

powder, red chilli powder and salt in a pan till

the papaya slices are so and you are able to

mash them with a spoon. You can also pressure

cook them for one whistle, allowing the steam

to be released naturally. Set this aside.

2. Grind the ingredients listed under ‘to grind’

to a semi-smooth paste. Add this to the

cooked papaya. Gently heat this mixture for 3

– 4 minutes till the coconut gravy gets cooked.

Lightly mash any big pieces of papaya with the

back of your stirring spoon. Taste and adjust

seasoning. Remove from � ame and set aside.

3. In a small saucepan, heat the oil for tempering.

Add mustard seeds, dried red chillies and curry

leaves. Once they crackle, add the shallots and fry

till golden. Add this tempering to the papaya curry.

4. Return the saucepan to the stove and tip in the

coconut. Gently toast the coconut on a medium-low

� ame till golden brown. Add this to the papaya curry

PAPAYA ERISSERY


as well. For best results, keep the papaya erissery

covered for 30 minutes before serving to develop

the � avours. Serve with rice or rotis.

Notes:

This is a spin-o of the more traditional pumpkin

erissery from Kerala. For this recipe select a

papaya that is only slightly ripe or just beginning

to ripe.

A healthy beverage that instantly cools you

and forti� es you with vitamins, minerals

and anti-oxidants.

Serves 3 – 4

You will need:

1 medium-sized, ripe papaya

1 cup orange juice, freshly squeezed

¼ tsp turmeric powder

Honey as a sweetener, if needed

A few mint leaves, to garnish

How to:

1. Cut papaya into chunks. Blend it

along with orange juice and turmeric

powder to a thick but drinkable

consistency. Use more orange juice

or water to thin it if necessary. Taste

and sweeten with honey if needed.

2. Pour into tall glasses, garnish with

mint leaves and serve chilled.

Notes:

Use a well ripened papaya and you

may not need any sweetener at all.

Pour the smoothie into jars with

tight-� ing lids to make great on-

the-go beverages.

PAPAYA IMMUNITY

BOOSTER


A quick stir-fried rice recipe

that is ready in 10 minutes if

you have le over rice in the

fridge. Great to pack in lunch-

boxes as well.

Serves 3 – 4

You will need:

2 tsp oil

½ tsp mustard seeds

½ tsp cumin seeds

2 dried red chillies

5 – 6 curry leaves

1 tbsp � nely chopped ginger

A pinch of asafoetida

½ tsp turmeric powder

½ cup grated green or unripe

papaya

½ cup grated green or unripe

mango

2 tbsp grated coconut

3 cups cooked rice

Salt to taste

¼ cup roasted peanuts

How to:

1. Heat oil in a large skillet. Add mus-

tard seeds, cumin seeds, dried red

chillies and curry leaves. When the

seeds begin to crackle, add ginger,

asafoetida and turmeric powder.

Saute for a few seconds on low � ame

to fry the ginger.

2. Add grated papaya and mango and

cook for 3 – 4 minutes, stirring fre-

quently. When the papaya and mango

are so , add the coconut and saute for a

few more seconds.

3. Now add the cooked rice and gently fold

in to combine. Season with salt. Add the

roasted peanuts. Serve hot with raita,

pickle and papad.

Notes:

Green papaya is a li le bland on its own, but

is great at absorbing � avours. So green mango

is added here to give the rice a tangy � avour.

GREEN PAPAYA

AND MANGO RICE


These � u y and moist mu ns are packed with � avour and

goodness. You will not be able to keep your hands o them!

Makes 12 mu ns

You will need:

1½ cups all purpose � our

1 tsp baking powder

1 tsp baking soda

½ tsp salt

¾ cup papaya [very ripe, mashed or pureed]

¾ cup banana [very ripe, mashed or pureed]

¾ cup sugar

½ cup vegetable oil

1 tsp vanilla extract

cup coconut � akes; a li le extra for topping

How to:

1. Pre-heat the oven to 375 F or 190 C. Line a 12-cup

cupcake pan with paper liners. Set aside.

2. Take the � our, baking powder, baking soda and

salt in a bowl. Whisk well to combine. Set aside.

3. In a medium bowl, combine the mashed papaya,

banana, sugar, oil and vanilla extract. Whisk

well to combine.

4. Tip in the dry ingredients and mix till just com-

bined. Gently fold in cup of coconut � akes.

5. Scoop ba er into the prepared cupcake pan.

Top each portion with some coconut � akes.

Gently tap the pan on the counter-top to level

the ba er and get rid of any air bubbles.

6. Bake for 20 minutes or till a toothpick in-

serted in a mu n comes out clean. Remove

from oven and cool in pan for � ve minutes.

Transfer mu ns to a wire rack to cool

completely. Store in an airtight container at

room temperature for a day or upto 3 – 4

days in the fridge.

Notes:

Use very ripe papayas and bananas in this

recipe for best results. Mash the fruits well

with a fork or puree in a blender before

using in the recipe.

These mu ns are eggless and do not

have any bu er. To make them healthier,

you can replace all-purpose � our with

wholewheat � our as well. They can be

eaten as dessert, snack or even a quick

breakfast.

PAPAYA, BANANA &

COCONUT MUFFINS



parentingDecide

NO

CHILD’S PLAYWhile playschools are an important phase in your toddler’s growth and

development, choosing the right one needs some serious consideration

By Sidharth Balachandran

Have you decided where you’re pu ing him yet?The � rst time I heard that question was when

my son was 16 months old. We had just

relocated to India and were trying to � nd our

feet. With my decision to change careers and

the chaos that goes hand-in-hand with inter-

country transfers, � nding a playschool for our

toddler was the last thing on our minds.

But the question kept presenting itself. At

one point, we began suspecting the intentions

of the inquirers. Were these kind people

genuinely concerned about our toddler’s

wellbeing? May be they were receiving a

‘commission’ for every toddler they referred

to a playschool.

Before the search came the researchSpurred by these repeated questions, we

started some research about institutes that

would accept our son. At that point, I didn’t

even know that a play-school and a pre-

school are not the same thing. So we began

with � guring out the di erences between the

two. A playschool is sort of an informal nurs-

ery group for kids between the ages of 2 – 4,

while a preschool is more of an elementary

learning institution for kids between the ages

of 3 – 5. Playschools are meant for kids who

are too young to be put in kindergarten, and

while it does sound like a glori� ed day-care

centre, there’s more to it than meets the eye.

Why all the fuss about a play school or play groupTo those of you who subscribe to the old-

school [like I used to] and believe that kids

don’t need to go to school until they’re over

three years of age, this can be a di cult

concept to grab. If either one of the parents

[or extended family] stay at home with the

child, then our thri y mind convinces us that

play schools are a waste of money. Besides

there be er be a good reason for us to put the

“apple of our eyes” into a formal educational

institution at such a tender age.

But as we learned, there are de� nite advan-

tages of enrolling your kids into a playschool.

Here are the ones that we discovered:

>> It helps to set them into a pa ern—from

waking up at a � xed hour to regular meal

timings and having periodic naps.

>> It is an amazing opportunity for kids to

meet and interact with their peers and

build their foundations of not just formal


education, but also of social etique e. This

is especially so if you don’t have many

small children in your neighbourhood who

can be playmates to your child.

>> It helps them in transition easily to a pre-

school, kindergarten or Montessori when

the time is right.

>> And most of all, it gives you [both parents,

especially if you are a stay-at-home one]

some time to get your personal things

together [or ‘me-time’, as it is popularly

known].

It is always a di cult decision to send

your li le one away, even if only for a few

hours. We too were apprehensive about eve-

rything; but the balance of the scales tipped

in favour of playschools.

However, there are a few important con-

siderations that require your a ention before

you � nalise the playschool for your child:

Commute and locationThe location of the playschool is of paramount

importance. You’ll need to take into account

the distance that your ward [and you, if you

are going to be the one who will pick up and

drop your child] will be travelling. In most

metropolitan cities, where rush hour tra c

can be trying, this could be a make-or-break

point. It might also be worthwhile to check if

the play school o ers a pick up and drop facil-

ity; and the safety aspects of the same.

ExpenseEducation is no longer an inexpensive activ-

ity. Right from playschool till graduation, the

costs of formal education have skyrocketed.

Figuring out how much you can a ord to put

away for your child’s education is a crucial

step. So get the number crunching in order.

Don’t forget to ask the playschool about

what is included in their fee structure. O en,

things like � eld trips and festival costs take

us by surprise, and having this information in

advance will help us plan be er.

FacilitiesOn your visit to the playschools check out

their play areas, class rooms, pantry and

presence of CCTVs. Also check if they have

an emergency medical kit and on-call doctors.

Remember, there are no silly questions. A er

all, you’re trusting them with your kid.

Background and accreditation I’ve seen the faces of fellow parents go blank

when we’ve brought this up. But much like


you’d do for a regular school, it is vital that

you verify the background and accredita-

tion of the playschools you are considering.

Seek out parents whose kids have previously

a ended the playschool and get a �rst-hand

view of their experience. It’s also advisable to

check other details such as—how long has the

playschool been operational; if it meets the

play/pre-school standards set out under the

Early Childhood Care and Education [ECCE]

policy that was set in place in 2012. From per-

sonal experience, I would suggest you should

ensure that the person running the playschool

is quali�ed and trained in the �eld of child

development.

The staFind out about the teachers and their quali�-

cations. Inquire how long the teachers have

been associated with the institution and

about their experience of working with kids.

It would be good idea to �nd out how the

teachers [and the playschool] discipline the

children. While it is imperative that the sta

be friendly and approachable, they should

also be �rm and know how to correct the

errors of the li le ones. Last but not the least,

check the typical teacher-to-student ratio in

the classroom, as this will ensure that your

kids get enough a ention from the teachers.

Hygiene and cleanliness It is crucial that the playschool be well-main-

tained and the toilets be hygienic. Even be er

if the playschool supports or facilitates po y-

training and has facilities for the same.

FoodSince the kids are only at the playschool for a

short duration, you should know about their

meal/snack times and ensure that it doesn’t

disrupt their eating schedules and pa erns. If

the playschool will provide food, you should

satisfy yourself with the quality of the food

and the cleanliness of the kitchens.

Curriculum and systemWhile playschools primarily operate on the

concept of using “play” to educate kids, as

parents, it is crucial that we be aware of their

teaching style. Most playschools will introduce

the alphabet and numbers to our li le ones;

however a focus on all-round development is

important too. Enquire with the playschool

about their day-to-day activities and ensure

that they balance the physical actives with

mental workouts in the form of puzzles, mem-

ory games and other creative avenues. It might

be a good idea to � nd out if they o er kids the

freedom to choose some activities, from time-

to-time. Ideally the curriculum should focus

on—gross and � ne motor skills, pre-writing/

reading/math skills, imagination and free-play,

arts, cra s and outdoor activities.

Le ing goAs a parent who has been through this phase

I can empathise with the fact that this whole

“choosing a play school” adventure can be

a roller coaster ride of emotions. However,

once you � nalise the playschool, it is time to

let go of a few of your inhibitions. Yes, you’re

going to be concerned; but the teachers know

their job and have perhaps been doing it for

longer than we have been parents. So unless

necessary, avoid interfering and let them do

their job—which is to take care of our pre-

cious li le ones. The initial separation and

its accompanied anxiety may be hard, but I

can assure you that the kids will se le in a lot

quicker than us parents.

On that note, happy hunting and remem-

ber: the journey has just begun.

Sidharth Balachandran is an engineer who

swapped his decade-

long professional

career to be a

work-from-home dad.

When not running

after his three-year-old

son, he writes about

fatherhood, parenting,

social satire, humour

and some fiction.

Once you decide on a playschool, let go of your inhibitions

and relax

Counsellor and author Phoebe Hutchison shows you how

to navigate the tricky waters of your child’s teenage years

WAYS

TO HELP YOUR TEENAGER

THRIVE AND SURVIVE

parentingManage

A CHILD’S TEENAGE years can be a challenging

time for parents. Parents may feel lost, frustrated

and disconnected by an apparent lack of control

over their child. But have faith; you can remain a

positive in� uence in your teenager’s life. By trying to

understand their challenges, knowing what to do and

what to avoid, you can continue to support, love and

educate them through these turbulent years.


One of your primary roles is beingthe positive influence, so it is vital

that your teenager feels comfortabletalking with you about anything

Phoebe Hutchison is the author of

Are You Listening? Life Is Talking to You

and Honeymooners Forever: Twelve Step

Marriage Survival Guide. She has worked

extensively with couples and clients in crisis.

Reach her at www.honeymoonersforever.

com.au or www.areyoulistening.com.au

1 Listen to your teenagerThe best thing you can give your teenager

is your time. Aim for a minimum of 30

minutes of quality time per day. If you cannot

give her your a ention when she wants it, set

aside a time for her later in the day and keep

your appointment. When you listen well,

you will be more likely to identify illogical

thoughts, generalisations and potentially

dangerous decisions your teen may be

contemplating. Stop your internal cha er

and keep your mind completely on her

words. By listening to your teenager, you will

create opportunities for giving advice and

improving your relationship.

2 Praise your teenager dailyYou have the ability to ‘make or break’

your teenager, simply by how you treat him.

When a teenager is praised o en, he is more

likely to experience high self-esteem, which is

a foundation of self-con� dence, increased mo-

tivation, be er decision-making, improved re-

lationships and self-respect. Poor self-esteem

o en leads to self-criticism, doubt and confu-

sion about one’s abilities and life. By seeking

opportunities to praise your teenager, you are

actively improving his self-perception. The

importance of praising your teenager cannot

be overstated.

3 Accept your teenagerEncourage your teenager to be independ-

ent by allowing her to make decisions in areas

such as sporting interests, hobbies and cloth-

ing styles. By allowing her personal freedom,

you are increasing her con� dence. [Decisions

regarding schooling and general safety are

best le to parents.] Avoid being the co-de-

pendent parent, who lives ‘through their

child’, obsessing about your teen’s obstacles

and successes like they were your own. It is

not realistic to expect your teenager to always

conform to your expectations. She is more

likely to succeed in life when she is being

herself, following her own path—so encour-

age her to be autonomous.

4 Educate your teenagerResearch tells us that the male human’s

brain is not fully developed for processing

danger until he is approximately 24 years old,

so in many ways, you are the voice of reason.

Keep talking to your teenager about key areas

like drugs, alcohol and sex. Try not to over-

react if he comes home from a party where

alcohol or drugs were taken. If you ban him

from parties forever, he may avoid discuss-

ing his concerns with you again. Be calm, and

ask him about the drugs or if he consumed

alcohol and then educate him on the dangers

these substances. One of your primary roles is

being the positive in� uence, so it is vital that

your teenager feels comfortable talking with

you about anything.

5 Understand your teenager’s world

Teenagers o en live with fears and challenges

that may be di erent from your own. They

feel great pressure to be accepted by their

peers, making them highly susceptible to out-

side in� uences, which impacts their decisions

and priorities. This focus on friends causes

some parents to feel pushed aside. Teenagers

are challenged physically and emotionally:

their bodies are busy supporting dramatic

growth spurts, while their minds are trying to

cope with hormone-fuelled moods. To make

ma ers worse, many teenagers are exposed


to negativity and trolling on social media and

other websites that make them feel helpless

and overwhelmed. Add to this the pressure

felt by many teenagers to meet their parents’

or teachers’ expectations. To escape, or experi-

ment, some teenagers try drugs or alcohol,

further complicating their lives. You can make

your teenager’s life easier by ge ing to know,

and understanding, his or her struggles.

6 Don’t alienate your teenagerYour relationship with your teen is the

benchmark for all her future relationships,

so ensure that this relationship is based on

mutual respect. You need to trust her, but this

trust must be developed. If your teenager tells

you that she is going out, let her know that

she needs to call or text you, if plans change.

If she does not make contact, consequences

need to be enforced. Avoid resorting to

unconstructive criticism, name-calling,

yelling, swearing, giving the silent treatment,

trying to dominate or making irrational

threats that you never carry out. Such tactics

will only result in drama and unhappiness,

and will fuel her rebellious streak. Create an

environment for your teenager that includes

love, respect, healthy boundaries, and

consequences, for their safety, wellbeing and

for the bene�t of the household.

7Watch over your teenagerYour teenager may no longer want to

socialise with you, and instead may spend

hours alone with his cell phone or on the

computer in his bedroom. While teenagers

need their space, watch out for any abnormal

changes. If your teenager avoids any

conversation with you, or her sleep pa erns

or eating habits change, or she seems socially

withdrawn, then seek professional help

with a counsellor or psychologist. Your child

is at a vulnerable age where depression,

anxiety, and self-destructive behaviour tend

to develop. Educate yourself on the signs of

distress and watch over your teenager closely.

If you are feeling le out and frustrated by

your teenager, take a step back and consider

how fragile teenage years are. Your teenager

may feel uncertain about her future, as she

tries to discover who she is and what she

wants from life. She will bene�t greatly from

your time, friendship, acceptance, support

and love. Your teenager is a soul given to

you on loan. Your role is to educate, praise,

love, and get to know your teenager’s world.

The way you treat her today will impact her

future for be er or worse.

Avoid unconstructive criticism, name-calling, yelling, swearing or giving the silent treatment to your teen





THE AIKIDO OF

COMMUNICATION

relationships

Manage

Where are your communication dii culties? Do you i nd yourself accommodating

too often, shutting down, taking another’s comments personally or being overly

competitive or argumentative?

By Judy Ringer


I’VE ALWAYS BEEN interested in things that

keep me stuck and have worked toward � nding

freedom in those stuck places. Communicating in

di cult moments is one of the areas I’ve studied

and used what I learned to replace the bad habits

with more useful ones.

In 1984, I discovered Aikido and found

that this martial art and the art of intelligent

communication have much in common. I also

found that practising Aikido helped me to be

a more skilled communicator. As a martial art,

Aikido is � owing, dance-like and powerful. As a

communication metaphor, it represents a di erent

and more elegant way to exchange ki [life energy].

We are, always and everywhere, giving and

receiving life energy in the ways we speak, move

and act. When we are centered and aware, we

communicate more intentionally. This is just one of

the things Aikido teaches.

Aikido also physically embodies critical com-

munication skills, such as active listening, empathy

and perspective taking, and o ers ways to re-pat-

tern unhelpful communication habits. For exam-

ple, in everyday life, the Aikido metaphor plays

Judy Ringer is

author of Unlikely

Teachers: Finding

the Hidden Gifts

in Daily Conflict,

a second-degree

black belt in Aikido,

and founder of

Power & Presence

Training. To know

more visit www.

JudyRinger.com

out when you acknowledge someone’s comments

and paraphrase what you hear. You’re also practis-

ing communication Aikido whenever you listen

with curiosity to an opposing view or search for

mutual understanding, respect and purpose.

Aikido: The Art of PeaceMorihei Ueshiba, a highly skilled and renowned

Japanese swordsman and martial artist, developed

communicate, listen, and manage con� ict. And

I’ve found that certain practices and a itudes

from Aikido are particularly useful when

communicating in di cult circumstances.

1 Reframing. In Aikido, it is o en said that

the opponent’s a ack is a gi of energy. With

this shi of mindset, I stop resisting and instead

connectwith my partner. In communication, this

might take the form of asking a direct question:

“Can you tell me more about why you think this is

the best solution?” or acknowledging a feeling: “

You sound concerned that the direction we’re tak-

ing may not be the best one.”

2 Non-judgement. As human beings,

we are experts at forming judgements about

everything. For example, if during a conversa-

tion, you begin to draw conclusions about who’s

right and who’s wrong, you will � nd it di cult to

stay open to possibility. Once we judge someone

as a problem, that’s all we see in them and we

miss their more open, empathetic parts. Becoming

non-judgemental is a practice, and the � rst step is

noticing that you’re doing it.

3 Curiosity and inquiry. The antidote

to judgement is a mindset of curiosity and

inquiry. This mindset will empower you and keep

your communication safe and on track. People

who are sincerely curious, ask honest and open-

ended questions, such as:

>> How did you feel when that happened?

>> What were you hoping for?

Aikido in the early 20th century. The word Aikido

is o en translated as “the way of blending or

harmonising with energy” or more simply “The

Art of Peace.” Aikido principles such as blending

[stepping out of the line of the a ack and moving

alongside the a acker] and non-resistant leading

[joining and redirecting the incoming energy, or

ki]—are used and taught throughout the world as

a system to de-escalate con� ict and build stabil-

ity, � exibility and presence. In Aikido, the a ack

is reframed as power that can be developed and

guided. The Aikidoist does not resist, block or

harm the opponent. What would normally be

understood as an act of violence is seen simply as

energy to be utilised.

A er many years of practising and teaching

Aikido and applying its principles in the

workplace, I’ve found that things change

dramatically when you reframe an a ack as

incoming energy that can be guided toward a

mutually agreeable outcome. It changes how we


The Aikidoist does not resist, block or harm the opponent

Aikido on the mat

>> What do you think is the best solution here?

>> What would you like me to do di erently?

It may be di cult at � rst to ask questions when

you really want to push for your way. But remem-

ber that listening is not agreement. Listening gives

you needed information and reduces tension and

resistance on both sides.

When I’m teaching Aikido on the mat, I see the

physical embodiment of curiosity and listening

each time the person receiving the a ack steps out

of the way, slides to the a acker’s side, and faces

the same direction as the a acker. In communica-

tion, we do this when we ask a question that helps

us see what the other person is seeing.

4 Appreciation. In communication

situations, when you encounter resistance to

your message, the last thing you probably want to

do is appreciate that resistance. Yet, that’s exactly

what we do in Aikido when we manage a physical

a ack by joining and leading it.

Our skill in communication lies in our ability to

identify the resistance and help the communicator

to express it. For example, “I’m not sure I under-

stand, can you say more?” Without something to

push against, the resistance turns into energy we

can join and lead toward further understanding

and problem solving.

This is verbal Aikido. And you practice it when

you:

>> Ask the other person more about his or her

concerns.

>> Name the resistance, as in, “Are you frustrated

by what just happened?”

>> Be quiet and let the other person � ll the silence.

>> Don’t take it personally.

Being heardThe Aikido of Communication also includes

educating others about where you stand. Through

reframing, non-judgement, curiosity and apprecia-

tion, you have reduced resistance and created an

opening for your ideas to be heard.

As you create the opening to advocate for your

point of view, the following steps will help.

>> Educate. When it’s time to share your point of

view, don’t assume the other person can see

it. Teach him what things look like from your

point of view.

>> Communicate your hopes and goals. For

example, “When you said you would have the

spreadsheet ready by Tuesday, I took you at

your word. My hope is that we all recognise the

importance of deadlines on a project that’s as

time sensitive as this one. Can you tell me what

happened and what we can do to remedy the

situation?”

>> Remain curious. Don’t forget that everything

you experience is � ltered through your per-

ception. As Stephen Covey says, “Seek � rst to

understand.”

>> Centre yourself and extend positive energy. In

Aikido, we remain centred and focussed on a

mutually bene� cial outcome. In life and busi-

ness, you do the same when your language and

manner are poised and � exible, and you make

your adversary a partner by honouring her

viewpoint and positive intent.

Morihei Ueshiba said to “always practise the

Art of Peace in a vibrant and joyful manner.” Aiki-

doists try to remember this as we throw each other

around the mat, smiling and having fun while we

practise to perfect our technique. Practising Aikido

concepts as we talk, listen and acknowledge each

other will allow us to become more aware and

mindful, and more skilful in our communication.


In Aikido, we focus on a mutually beneficial outcome



Life with an AS partner

marriage & intimacyUnlearn

IN THE PAST, AUTISM WAS thought to be

something that only a ected children who

couldn’t speak, function, or interact with the

world around them. However, in the last two

decades, we’ve seen higher-functioning adults

coming out of the closet, so to speak, and

even being popularised by movies such as

Shah Rukh Khan’s My Name is Khan and more

recently The Imitation Game with Benedict

Cumberbatch.

Asperger Syndrome [AS] is a mild form

of autism. Considered to be a neurological

condition, AS a ects many successful adults

in the IT, science, engineering, technology,

� nance, and even medical professions. Low-

functioning children with autism o en have

a borderline or lower than average IQ and

many lack verbal language. Higher-function-

ing adults are the reverse. Many of them have

sophisticated vocabularies and IQs that are in

the average to superior range. In fact, those

with the more “invisible” brand of autism

o en thrive in academia and even become

leaders in the � elds of science, technology,

� nance, or engineering. But while their IQs

are higher, their EQs are low. Their brains are

uniquely con� gured to work with machines,

data, facts and � gures; however, they struggle

to express their emotions or understand the

feelings and needs of another person. While

o en successful at institutions such as IIT and

MIT, they lack insight into how their behav-

iours and words a ect those around them.

Take the case of Mitu, a woman married

to Aman, a man with AS. Mitu came to see

me for counselling because she was desper-

ately lonely and unhappy in her relationship.

Aman barely spoke to her other than to dis-

cuss their children’s homework and his par-

ents’ ailments. And his interactions with their

two children were con� ned to checking their

daily homework. Mitu said that Aman had

always been a loner and had no real friends

to speak of. He also seemed overwhelmed by

his job as a so ware engineer and wedged-

out in front of the TV most nights, completely

ignoring his family. Without conversation and

physical or verbal a ection from her husband,

Mitu became deeply depressed. When she

tried to speak to him about these issues, he

would shut her down by telling her to “stop

nagging and go see a psychologist” to � nd

out why she was so unhappy!

Life can become very painful for spouses

like Mitu. Prior to learning about AS, Mitu

had mistakenly come to believe that it was all

her fault. Over time, she became increasingly

depressed and when she tried to con� de in

close friends or family members, they would

say, “What are you talking about? Your

husband is such a nice guy,” or the popular,

“all men are like that!” Only Mitu knew that

her experience of marriage was traumatising

and unusual. She felt exhausted and was

beginning to have health issues brought on

by stress and the complete lack of emotional

connection with her husband.

Obtaining a diagnosisThe big problem right now is that the major-

ity of doctors or couples counsellors do not

Marriages where one partner has Asperger Syndrome can be painful and challenging, but help is available

By Eva Mendes


know about adults with AS. Most would

dismiss a spouse in Mitu’s position if she

tried to seek help by saying, “Are you sure

it’s not just a personality clash?” Or, “Seems

like youmight need to work on your anger

issues.” Even if they met someone like Aman,

they wouldn’t see that something is di er-

ent or odd about him because they might

consider that he has a successful career or a

“normal” demeanour. Adults with AS can be

very well groomed, physically a ractive, and

verbally skilled. Even well-meaning profes-

sionals might not pick up on the more subtle

signs of their social awkwardness and lack of

emotionality. When the professionals don’t

see how the wife could possibly struggle in a

relationship with someone who presents him-

self so well, they may a ribute the problem

to the wife and assume that she is lacking in

maturity.

A diagnosis is best done by an Asperger-

specialist who is experienced in identifying

adult AS. In my work, I take a comprehensive

wri en and verbal history of the individual.

I speak with the wife about her experience in

the marriage. I also conduct the diagnostic

interview over a total of four sessions and

observe how the person behaves and interacts

with me during this time.

Reading about and understanding Asperger SyndromeIf you are in a situation similar to Mitu’s,

and there aren’t any avenues of professional

help locally, reading books and articles on AS

and marriage can be the � rst step into really

considering whether your husband has AS

or not. Sometimes the husband is open to

learning about the information that his wife

gathers. He might even be relieved to learn

that his brain is di erent and that he’s not

a jerk. Alternately, some men resist the idea

that they are lacking in EQ. No ma er if your

husband is open to hearing about AS or not,

keep speaking to him about it when you feel


like there is an opening. Individuals with AS

can o en come across as rude and intimidat-

ing with their sharp logic and biting tone;

my advice would be to not give up. Patiently

continue to read and even get counselling

with an Asperger-specialist.

Taking care of yourselfIf your spouse has AS, it’s imperative that you

take really good care of yourself and priori-

tise your health, otherwise you may be at risk

of developing numerous mental and physical

ailments. This is even more so if you’ve been

blaming yourself for the challenges in the

marriage and if you have no other emotional

support in the form of family or friends. You

can also become aware of how your own

behaviours may add to the con�ict in your

relationship, and learn to change some of the

ways in which you interact with your spouse.

If your husband/wife with AS has di cul-

ties picking up facial cues, vocal intonations,

and body language, they might monopolise

or struggle to initiate and hold conversa-

tions. You might feel frustrated, lonely and

abandoned by their lack of reciprocity and

communication. Therefore, you may have to

deliberately schedule time for regular conver-

sations and doing fun activities together. You

may need to create calendars and schedules

to help your spouse stay focused and organ-

ised as many individuals with AS struggle to

manage and prioritise time, tasks and space.

Your spouse with AS may also have trou-

ble understanding, predicting and respond-

ing to your thought-feeling state. He/she

may unintentionally or intentionally make

negative comments and do things that can

come across as insensitive and hurtful to you.

Expressing more compliments and positive

observations instead of criticisms is some-

thing they can learn to do.

Asperger-Speci�c couplescounsellingCouples o en report to me that working

with a counsellor who is unfamiliar with

AS was unhelpful and, in some cases, even

harmful. In general, it is important to invest

in a couple’s counsellor who specialises in AS

and has experience in working with couples

since the dynamics of a con�ict-ridden

relationship requires not only a wise and

compassionate approach, but also solutions

to get you unstuck and moving forward. As

an AS-specialist and couple’s counsellor, I

teach both the spouses in the marriage about

AS. I interpret their points of view and help

them understand each other be er. I also help

them to implement practical strategies in their

relationship. Without proper understanding

and solutions, marriages where one

partner might have AS can be painful and

challenging, but many couples are able to

improve their relationships by learning about

AS and by �nding the appropriate help.

Eva Mendes, LMHC is an Asperger/

Autism specialist, couples counsellor,

author and speaker. She is the author

of the book Marriage and Lasting

Relationships with Asperger Syndrome.

She has a private practice in Boston,

MA. Reach her at www.evmendes.com

INDIVIDUALS WITH ASPERGER’S

CAN COME ACROSS AS RUDE AND

INTIMIDATING WITH THEIR SHARP

LOGIC AND BITING TONE

Strategies for coping with your husband’s Asperger SyndromeMany individuals struggle with mental health

issues in addition to numerous AS traits. If

you realise that your spouse is struggling

with anxiety, depression, obsessive-com-

pulsive disorder [OCD], or a ention de� cit

hyperactivity disorder [ADHD] in addition to

AS, you may need to help her work with an

AS-specialist around these issues.

If your spouse is extra sensitive to smells,

sounds or touch then learning more about

sensory sensitivities can be useful. Sensory

sensitivities and a low EQ can o en lead to

physical intimacy issues, which need to be

addressed.




mind & emotionsDecide

Should you broadcast your life online?At this very moment, as you read this,

millions of people have just shared

some minute detail about their life

with millions of others. Every second of

every day there are Tweets, Facebook

updates, Instagram images and a host

of other social media activities that

document our daily lives. But is all this

constant updating healthy?

By Graham Jones



Graham Jones is a psychologist

who specialises in

Internet use and

behaviour. He is

the author of 29

books. He now helps

businesses profit

through a better

understanding of

the online behaviour

of their customers

and potential clients.

Know more at www.

grahamjones.co.uk

WE ARE DRIVEN to share things and

broadcast our lives due to some fundamental

psychological reasons. The most important

of these is our sense of self. We need to know

who we are as individuals, if we are to oper-

ate e ectively in the world around us. Imag-

ine if you woke up one day and had no idea

whether you wanted a cup of tea or a glass of

milk; or if you had no idea if you liked to eat

bananas or not. Our sense of self enables us to

know, instinctively, how to behave. We know

whether to have a cup of tea, whether we like

to eat bananas or if we prefer Bollywood to

Hollywood.

However, our brain needs constant re-

minding of our sense of self. It tends to forget

if we don’t feed it with regular information,

con� rming the kind of person we are. So,

every day we do things that provide con� r-

mation of our sense of self. When you are

with friends, for instance, and your subcon-

scious is thinking, “I’m a wi y person”, you

will make some comments that get a laugh.

That laughter acts as feedback to your brain

e ectively saying, “I told you so, I am wi y.”

Throughout our daily life, our brain gets con-

stant feedback to con� rm our sense of self.

So, when we see the opportunity to get

even more feedback on who we are, we grasp

it with both hands. Tweeting, posting on

Facebook, or adding a picture on Instagram

all help us gain more feedback through com-

ments, shares and likes.

In one sense, therefore, social media updat-

ing is a healthy pursuit as it helps us be more

aware of ourselves.

The downside

But there are also downsides to all this self-

broadcasting. Here are a few that you may

identify with:

>> One issue appears to be that of envy. When

we see many people posting holiday pic-

tures or a Tweet saying what a wonderful

restaurant they are in [again], we can feel

somewhat de� ated if our daily life is just

“normal”. For some people, this can be a

serious issue. Those individuals who are

already su ering from depressive illness

may experience a worsening of their condi-

tion, if they feel that their social media

friends are having a more interesting life

than themselves.

>> There is also evidence that when we have

been using social media, spending time

talking about ourselves, we are less likely

to be thinking straight. This means that the

activities we undertake immediately a er a

social media session could cause problems.

For e.g. people tend to overspend a er

social media activity.

>> We are more likely to use social media to

broadcast our lives towards the end of the

day. So social media activity, particularly

from mobile devices, disrupts sleep. That,

in itself, can have negative long-term

health implications.

>> The self-broadcasting obsession that some

Looking for validation on social media can affect your self esteem


Maintain limitsIt is not advisable that every detail of one’s life be broadcast-

ed online as people may take advantage of the same. There

is an element of privacy in every relationship that needs to

be salvaged at all costs and cannot be made public. People

over-share their life online to make others feel how good

their life is. They may seek approval from people online and

value that a lot more than the approval of family members,

leading to deterioration of their personal ties.

Sharing details on personal events like new jobs, en-

gagement or marriage can lead to people putting in nega-

tive words before the event happens and causing hurdles

in the progress of such events. There is also an element

where personal photos may be morphed and put on social

sites with an aim to cause harm to the image of the person

concerned.

— Avinash De Sousa, Psychiatrist and Psychotherapist, Mumbai

Controversial images are an absolute noPeople have become so busy, that logging onto a website

seems an easier way of staying connected than making a

phone call or having a ‘tete-a-tete’ meeting. Through social

media people can connect with others when feeling lonely,

as it serves as a good support system. When you post a

negative experience and others reciprocate with concern

there is a feeling of warmth that you feel. A boy in his 20s

shared with me that being on a ‘mood app’ [wherein peo-

ple enter their moods at specific times] helps him to vent

out as well as gain perspective when others comment on

his moods.

The drawbacks to social media are that a person may get

addicted, distracted from their priority tasks and it may also

become a form of attention seeking behaviour. Like every-

thing, it should be used in moderation. You need to review

the reason why you are posting certain things [whether it is

to seek attention, venting or it’s a façade] and start address-

ing those issues instead.

I had a case of an 18-year-old who would post pictures of

the cuts on her wrists as a way of expressing her emotional

pain and seeking sympathy from others. She continued this

behaviour till her school found out and she was brought to

me for intervention.

I also had a case where a young adult who was extreme-

ly shy, used social media to project a completely different

picture of himself, that of being adventurous and happy.

However, he came to see me for depression and loneliness.

Neither his family nor his friends recognised this as they

went by his updates on social sites. He had been successful

at hiding the fact that he was suffering from low self-esteem

and not feeling good enough to live in this world. This feel-

ing was heightened when he would log on to Facebook and

look at posts of other “happy and lucky” people.

One needs to be careful about the kind of information

that appears to strangers. Restricting the view to “con-

tacts only” can avoid dangers of being stalked online or in

person.

It is important not to share private affairs such as a con-

flict with a loved one and posting provocative or controver-

sial images should be absolutely forbidden.

— Anjali Chhabria, Psychiatrist and Psychotherapist, Mumbai

people have with social media can a ect

relationships. Indeed, Facebook is now

cited as an issue in a signi� cant number of

divorce cases.

What’s the way out?So how can you gain the bene� ts of sharing

your life on social media, without any of the

downsides?

The answer is routine. One of the reasons

why people constantly jab at their mobile

phones in the hope that someone has sent

them a message is related to survival in-

stincts. If we don’t know when or if we are

going to get food, then we just eat what we

can and when we can. It is the same principle

with social media—if we don’t know when or

if we are going to get a message, we constant-

ly look for them. However, by establishing a

social media routine, you always know when

the next batch of messages will arrive.

When people have regular mealtimes the

same time everyday, they tend to remain the

same weight. People who put on weight tend

to have sporadic mealtimes. So their subcon-

scious gets them to eat at any opportunity

because it does not know if or when another

meal may arrive. That’s why snacking leads

to weight gain. Set regular meal times and

you are much less likely to gain weight.

It is the same with social media updating.

Set a regular time to do it every single day

and your brain soon gets used to knowing

that you will get your “� x” at 9pm tonight

for half an hour—or whatever time you go

online. Once you have a routine like that

established, you also improve your relation-

ships with those around you, plus you get

be er sleep as you are not constantly on your

mobile until you dri o .

Se ing a daily routine to deal with all your

social media activity in one or two sessions

a day will help you gain the positives while

reducing the negative consequences.



MOODIS YOUR CHOICE

self-helpDecide

YOU ARE THE CATALYST of your own

happiness. The results you receive in life,

romantically, � nancially, physically and emo-

tionally, are all determined by your actions

and your actions alone. When you live by this

notion, you gain power over every curveball

life throws at you.

No other person, place or thing can perma-

nently change the way you feel deep inside.

They may distract you from your feelings

temporarily, but they cannot a ect the true

core of your soul.

As we can choose to pity ourselves in

the case of an unfortunate event, we can

just as easily make a conscious decision not

to. Optimism is a choice and, while it’s not

always the easiest one to make, it certainly is

the most ful� lling.

I consider myself an overall optimistic per-

son, and I o en � nd myself saying the same

thing to those who ask me how I remain this

way: “Life is what you make of it.”

While we may not always feel in charge of

our own emotions, we all hold the required

tools to take control. Mindfulness plays a

large role. With these six tips, you can decide

your emotional response to any given event.

1 Imagine life as a test you’re determined to pass. While it’s

easy to resent the world for its tragedies, its

annoyances and tiny mishaps, it’s actually not

that di cult to accept them instead.

Every event and every obstacle we face

can be considered a test of our character and

good will. Each day we are given the chance

to prove ourselves, to prove our true nature.

We should embrace these opportunities.

How to i nd lasting happiness by

choosing your emotional response

to any event

By Sarah Williams


Challenge yourself to accept what cannot be

changed.

Si ing in tra c can be a horrible, hellish

experience or it can be the best part of your

day. If you stopped hu ng and pu ng so

much, you’d realise that this is the only hour

you have solely for yourself. Take the time

to decompress. Listen to some good music.

Practice singing, or that dreaded presentation

you have to make at work. Catch up with an

old friend over the phone.

Or just smile at the miserable person in the

car beside you. Laugh at their misery. Maybe,

just maybe, they’ll laugh along with you.

2 Take a moment to digest.Why

are you supposed to wait 30 minutes to

go swimming a er you’ve eaten? Because

your body needs time to digest, or so your

mother says. Well, the same thing goes with

our emotions.

Remember the saying when you were a

kid, “Think before you speak”? Well, it’s even

more relevant as an adult. Taking a few extra

minutes, or even a whole day, to react to an

unse ling event might seem like a waste of

time, but it’s probably worth it. Not only will

digesting help you process your own feelings,

it will eliminate the risk of overreacting, and

later regre ing your response.

3 Surround yourself withrational, positive people.

Neuroscientist Giacomo Rizzola i explores

a theory involving “mirror neurons.” He

has found that neurons in the human brain

actually mirror what their eyes perceive,

which explains why we cringe when we

witness someone ge ing hurt.

“Every time I see you smiling,” Jonah

says, “my own brain lights up as if I’m smil-

ing.” Our emotions are in�uenced by the

emotions of those around us. Have you ever

smiled or giggled at a crying baby and seen

their face suddenly mimic yours? This is a

perfect example of the theory.

We feel what we see, even if it is un-

conscious or involuntary. It’s important to

surround yourself with people who will in�u-

ence you to make reasonable choices, and to

respond rationally.

4 React out of love, not fear.Another theory states that there are only

two basic emotions we all experience: love

and fear. All other emotions are variations of

these. Anxiety, anger, loneliness, depression,

inadequacy, confusion and shame are all fear-

based emotions, while joy, trust, compassion,

truth and satisfaction are based on love.

It is important to understand the core

of your emotional response to any given

event. What’s driving your reaction? If you’re

experiencing resentment, are you responding

out of fear? How can you eliminate your

distress?

Answering these questions will not only

help you control your reaction, it will enhance

your self-awareness and hopefully, make you

tolerate or, be er yet, accept the situation.

5 Switch roles.A good tactic for re-

sponding out of love, instead of fear, is to

look at the situation from a di erent point of

view. Usually, this means pu ing yourself in

your “opponent’s” shoes.

Can you see things in a di erent light?

Remember that this person can only act out of

fear or love as well, so they must be doing the

former. Give them the bene�t of the doubt.

Rather than arguing, try to �nd a way out of

fear or anger and into the realm of mutual

understanding.

6Don’t underestimate yourown integrity. Integrity is de�ned

as “the quality of being honest and having

strong moral principles.” We o en neglect the

importance of this virtue. We let ourselves o

too easily when we react poorly to a di cult

situation. “But, I was pissed,” we say, brush-

ing o the absurd mental breakdown we had

in line for our morning co ee.

We believe that it’s human nature to get

irritated, to overreact or to misunderstand.

We therefore think it’s OK to behave in ludi-

crous ways. We forget about the importance

of integrity, whose alternative de�nition is

described as “the state of being whole and

undivided.”

Balance is a key factor in choosing our own

mood and accomplishing the contentment

we all seek in life. Our own integrity can help

us make be er decisions and ultimately feel

ful�lled.

Sarah Williams is

committed to helping

others heal themselves

through nutrition

and the mind. Her

mission is to empower

people to believe in

themselves so they

can accomplish their

dreams and make a

difference in the world.




IT PAYS TO PLAY

self-helpManage

Find out how play can enrich all the dimensions of your life


By Marianne St Clair

IN THE LAST CENTURY, most cultures

have approached life in overly mental and

emotionally suppressed ways. We have been

over-thinking and placing too much emphasis

on intellectual intelligence rather than a

whole, full-bodied sensory approach to life.

Play is a state of mindPlay is a state of mind, yet more so it is also

a state of body, emotion and spirit. Living in

today’s world with so many demands on our

time, it is di cult for most to fathom taking

time out to play. We have been conditioned

from a very young age to “grow up” and


Marianne St Clair is a life coach

who inspires her clients through the

Art of Play with fun and practical ways

to address life’s many facets such

as relationships, money, addictions,

sexuality and spirituality. Know more

at www.mariannestclair.com

become responsible adults. Remember when

you sat in class and were told to stop day

dreaming and focus on learning so you could

get good grades and become someone? What

happened to that kid? To the person you were

born to be? Over time, enculturation took

over and conditioned you away from play

and into a dutiful adult with no time allowed

for recreational activities.

The silent killer is the responsible adultMeet Dimitra, mother of two children, owner

of multiple businesses, an a orney, and a

yoga instructor. The responsibilities of wear-

ing many hats had Dimitra running from her

life when I met her. She was living in a town

that drained her spiritual energy; she was try-

ing to escape at any opportunity to avoid the

boredom that her soul was crying out against.

you away from it. What we know through

the law of a raction is that what we focus on,

we get more of. Thus, by talking about our

pains and what we don’t want to experience,

we are actually creating more pain, or the ex-

act thing we don’t want. We can never escape

pain by running from it. Moving away from

pain is an illusion. It keeps the past in our

present and future.

Pleasure seeking is not something we are taughtPlay gives access to a di erently ordered

space and time. Through engaging in the act

of play we begin to be fully present in the

moment and open to in� nite potential. When

Dimitra was able to stop running from the

pain and begin to tune into her authentic

self, she was able to remember things

about herself that she enjoyed and wanted

Brief escapes were temporary solutions

to what was brewing inside. She was run-

ning from the many pains that her childhood

conditioning was causing. She couldn’t fail at

her businesses so she had to keep striving to

make them be er to make more money; she

couldn’t be away from her children because

she had to be a good mother and be there

every day a er school for her children.

We can’t escape pain by running from itAdults should play all the way up to the last

breath. Play allows us to engage with our au-

thentic self without self-imposed or cultural

judgements. We were born into this life fully

engaged and connected to our fullest expres-

sion until the world started teaching us how

to shut down, constrict and disconnect from

what makes each of us unique.

Marketing in our culture is set up to get

you focussed on your pain and then to move

to do more of. Focussing on pleasurable

experiences that you wish to experience

opens you up to new possibilities and allows

for the Universe to conspire on your behalf to

make them happen.

Re-creational activities are fuel for your soulWhen travel to her home country of Greece

was impossible due to the country’s economic

situation, Dimitra could have stopped there

and had a miserable summer. Instead, she

booked her summer trip to somewhere she

had never been. Her month long adventure

began on the Caribbean island of St Croix

with her family as she explored the island

and enjoyed learning the island culture. She

expanded her passion for cooking in excit-

ing new ways because she was limited to the

food of the island—by necessity she became

a creative chef on a two burner hot plate. She

produced amazing gourmet meals from the

BY TALKING ABOUT WHAT WE DON’T WANT TO EXPERIENCE, WE ARE ACTUALLY CREATING THE EXACT THING WE DON’T WANT

fresh � sh her kids caught snorkelling and

the local produce. She played with everyone

at home too by sharing all the sights and

sounds of St Croix via social media to every-

one back home.

Play lightens our loadDimitra’s excitement ignited thousands of

people who were enjoying her trip through

photos of gorgeous beaches and foods, along

with videos of crab races and steel drum

music. Many were wishing they were there

because she was so engaged during her play-

time. Her energy was extremely contagious

because it was so vibrant. She was authentic

and true to herself.

At play, we are all children. Unburdened

by consciousness or self-consciousness,

we are fully in the moment. Su used with

pleasure, we exult in the sheer lightness of

girlfriend joined her for a week. Now she

used the knowledge she gained in the previ-

ous week about the island to become tour

guide and hostess sharing her gi s. All this

time she was at play just with a new adult

twist instead of family play. She was able to

explore the island from a new perspective

of rum, dancing and of course, shopping—a

girl’s favourite pastime.

Play from the boardroom to the bedroomWe learn a lot about ourselves and others

through play. Relationships and how we

interact with others remain a constant in

our personal and professional lives. If we

are absent and disconnected from our co-

workers, we will be so from our partner also.

The mirror of life will re� ect how we engage

with our playmates in all arenas. If we


being. Yet, as welcoming and wonderful as

those feelings are, play’s value among adults

is too o en vastly underrated. It refreshes us

and recharges us; it restores our optimism; it

changes our perspective, stimulating creativ-

ity; it renews our ability to accomplish the

work of the world.

Play is an opening to our very beingBut there is also new evidence that play does

much more. It may in fact be the highest

expression of our humanity, both imitating

and advancing the evolutionary process. Play

appears to allow our brains to exercise their

very � exibility, to maintain and even renew

the neural connections that embody our

human potential to adapt and meet varied

environmental conditions. Play is an opening

to our very being.

When Dimitra’s family departed and

headed back stateside, she remained and a

eventually see ourselves as unappreciative

or controlling at work, generally we are

that way at home too. Play is a way to open

up and take risks and go into unexplored

territories. It opens up the brain and

connects the heart into a more coherent

state. Playing with others on the playground

of life creates intimacy in ways that will help

us learn more about ourselves.

The wonderful thing about playing is that

everyone is successful at it. Don’t just use

playtime to test or stretch your workday. Play

is a time to feel good about yourself and each

other—and to just have fun together. Perhaps,

most important of all, play is fun. Years later,

when we recall our life, it is the happy times

spent playing with special people that we will

remember most fondly.

THE WONDERFUL THING ABOUT PLAYING IS THAT EVERYONE IS

SUCCESSFUL AT IT. IT IS A TIME TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF



THE UNKNOWABLE SELFThe deepest mystery of existence is the phenomenon of knowledge

By Osho


consciousnessTransform

YOU CAN KNOW EVERYTHING except

your own self. The knower cannot be known

because to know something means to reduce

it to an object. The very process of knowledge

depends on duality. I can know you because

I am here, inside, and you are there, outside.

You become an object. But I cannot know my

self because I cannot make my self an object.

I cannot encounter my self in any objective

way. I cannot put my self in front of me. And

if I could put my self in front of me then that

which is put in front of me would not be my

self. How can that which can be put in front

of me be my self? Really, the inner one which

will look at it will remain my self.

Self is subjective and this subjectivity can-

not be made objective. Hence, the paradox:

that which knows all cannot know itself;

that which is the source of all knowledge

remains unknowable. You have heard, it has

been preached, it has been told everywhere,

“Know thyself.” But how can you know your

self? You can know everything other than

you. One point will always remain unknown,

unknowable. That point is you.

Self is not objectiveThe word self-knowledge is not good at all.

Knowledge of the self is not possible. But

this may create a deep pessimism in you. If

knowledge of the self is not possible, then the

whole of religion becomes absurd because

this is what religion is meant to do—to give

you self-knowledge. Then there must be some

other meaning to the word self-knowledge.

Then there must be something, a hidden

dimension, through which you can know the

self and still not make it an object. Knowledge

must be possible in an altogether di erent

sense. In the world, whatsoever we know is

objective and the subject remains unknow-

able, the knower remains unknowable.

But can this knower be known? This is the

basic question, the basic problem. If there is

only one way of knowing—that is objective

knowledge—then it cannot be known. Hence,

all the scienti� c thinkers will deny that the

self exists. Their denial is meaningful. All

those who are trained to think in terms of

object, of objectivity, they will say there is no

self. Their saying this means that they cannot

conceive of another type of knowing. They

think that there is only one type of knowing

and that is objective. The self cannot be made

objective; hence, it cannot be known. And

that which cannot be known cannot be said

to exist. How can you say that it exists? The

moment you say that it exists you have said

that you have known it. You cannot assert

its existence. If it is not known, not only not

known but also unknowable, then how can

you say that it exists?

Scientists go on saying that there is no self,

that man is a mechanism and the conscious-

ness that appears is just an epiphenomenon,

a by-product. They say that there is no self,

there is no centre—that the consciousness

comes into existence just through chemical

phenomena and when the body withers away,

consciousness disappears. So for science,

death is total death; nothing remains a er it.

Consciousness is not substantial; it is a by-

product. It cannot exist without the body. It is

part of the body, just a combination of many

material things. It comes into being; it is not

elementary. It is a compound, a combination,

a synthesis, something which depends on

other things. There is no self. Science says

there is no self because the self cannot be

known.

Light is self-enlightening The very word science means knowledge.

And if something is unknowable, science will

not approve of it, science will not agree to

it. Science means that which can be known.

Only then is science not mystical. It cannot

fall into absurdities. For science, the very

word self-knowledge is absurd. But still, re-

ligion is meaningful because there is another

dimension of knowing. Try to understand

that dimension of knowing where the known

is not reduced to an object. For instance, if a

lamp is burning in a dark room, everything

in the room is lighted, is known through the

light of the lamp. But the lamp is also known

by its own light. Everything else—chairs, fur-

niture, the walls, paintings on the walls—they

are known through the light. But through

what is the light itself known?

The light is self-enlightening: just by its

presence it reveals others and it reveals itself

also. But these two revelations are di erent.

When the chair is known through the light,

the chair is an object. The light falls on it and

if the light disappears the chair cannot be

known. The knowledge of the chair depends

on the light but the knowledge of the light

itself doesn’t depend on the chair. If you

remove everything the light will still be light.

There will be nothing to reveal but it will go

on revealing itself. The revelation of the light

is self-revelation.

Similar is the case with the inner phenom-

enon, the inner self. Everything is known

through it but it itself is known not by any-

thing else—it is a self-revealing phenomenon.

It reveals itself. Self knowledge doesn’t mean

that the self is known by someone else be-

cause then that someone else will be the self.

So whatsoever is known in an objective way

cannot be the self. Always the knower will be

the self. But how can this self be known? The

self is a self-evident, self-revealing phenom-

enon; nothing else is needed to know it. You

need not reduce it to an object.

Really, when all objects are removed from

the mind, when all the furniture is removed

from the mind, suddenly the self reveals

itself. It is self-revealing. Really, that is the

di erence between ma er and consciousness:

ma er is not self-revealing and consciousness

is self-revealing; ma er has to be known by

someone else and consciousness knows itself.

That is the basic di erence between ma er

and consciousness. There are trees but if there

is no conscious being they cannot be revealed;

they need someone’s consciousness so that

they can be revealed. There are rocks, beauti-

ful rocks, but if there is no consciousness they

will not be beautiful because then no one will

become aware that they are there. Their exist-

ence will be mute. Even those rocks will not

be able to know that they exist. Existence will

be there but there will be no revelation of it.

A small child comes playing near the rock:

suddenly the rock is revealed. Now it is not

a mute existence. Through the child the rock

has become assertive. Now the tree is revealed.

Now everything around the child becomes

alive in a new meaning. The child has become

a source of revelation. Everything around him

becomes alive. Hence, the deeper your con-

sciousness, the deeper you reveal existence.

When a Buddha is born, the whole exist-

ence celebrates in him because of such a deep

consciousness. All that is hidden in ma er

becomes manifest. It was never known before.

Just by the presence of an enlightened person,

the whole existence around him is enlight-

ened. Everything becomes alive, feels through

him. Consciousness reveals others, but there

is no need to reveal it for another conscious-

ness. It is self-revelatory.

Self needs no proofTake it from another angle: everything needs

proof because everything can be doubted.

But you cannot doubt the self; therefore the

self never needs any proof. Can you doubt

the self? One of the great Western thinkers,

Descartes, used doubt as a method to know.

He started his journey of knowledge through

doubt—a very penetrating doubt. He decided

that he would doubt everything unless he

stumbled upon a fact which could not be

doubted. And unless there is a basic fact

which cannot be doubted, you cannot build

the palace of knowledge because there is no

foundation stone to make it. If everything can

be doubted and has to be proved, then the

whole edi� ce is just logical.

Something deep down must be indubita-

ble, which does not need any proof. God is


IF A LAMP IS BURNING IN A DARK ROOM, EVERYTHING IN THE ROOM IS KNOWN THROUGH ITS LIGHT. BUT THE LAMP IS ALSO KNOWN BY ITS OWN LIGHT

not indubitable. Remember this: God is not

indubitable. He can be doubted—not only

doubted, he can be disproved. And really,

when someone doubts God you cannot prove

his existence. You can only convince those

who are already convinced, but you cannot

convert a new man; that is impossible. Not

a single atheist can be converted because he

needs proof and you cannot prove God.

God is not indubitable. He can be doubted,

rejected. The whole hypothesis can be said to

be false. There is no proof that can help. So

Descartes goes on discussing, inquiring, and

he says that unless he comes to a point, to

something in existence that is indubitable....

Not that it can be proved—no. Rather, it

cannot be doubted. And ultimately he comes

to the self and says that the self is a greater

reality than God. It is, because the self cannot

be doubted. Can you doubt it? Even to doubt

it you will have to have it.

For example, if you are in the house and

someone comes and asks whether you are in

the house or not and you say, “I am not,” the

very fact that you say “I am not” will prove

that you are there. You cannot deny yourself.

The very fact that you say, “I am not” shows

that you are there. The denial becomes the

proof. There is no need not to a rm it; even

denial becomes the proof. When even denial

is a proof, the fact is indubitable. How can

you doubt it?

You cannot say, “I do not know whether I

am or not”—or can you? Even to be in such

confusion, you need to be there. How can

there be confusion without you? You cannot

say, “I don’t believe that I am,” because even

not to believe, someone is needed to be there.

There is no way to deny that you exist, that

the “I” exists.

The only indubitable factThis self is the only indubitable fact in the

world; everything else has been doubted.

There have been skeptics who have doubted

everything, even ordinary things of which

you cannot conceive how they can be doubt-

ed. You are here but the English philosopher

Berkeley says, “I cannot believe that you are

here. You may be just a dream. And there is

no way to prove that you are not a dream, be-

cause when I dream, I dream of people such

as you.” And this is one of the essential quali-

ties of a dream: in a dream the dream appears

real. So if you are appearing real, Berkeley

says that does not prove anything, because

in every dream the dream appears real. Can

you doubt while you are dreaming? You

cannot: the dream appears real. Even a very

absurd dream appears real. It is just illogical,

irrelevant, but still it appears real while it is

there. So Berkeley says that there is no way to

prove whether you are real or not. You can be

doubted, everything can be doubted.

One of the greatest Indian mystics, Nagar-

juna, has doubted everything—everything! He

says nothing is real because everything can

be doubted. But there is only one point which

he goes on avoiding: he never talks about the

self because then his whole edi� ce, his whole

philosophy, would fall down—because that

cannot be doubted. It can be asked of Nagar-

juna, “Okay! The whole world is illusory and

everything can be doubted, but who is this

doubter? Do you doubt it—this doubter who

denies the whole world?” The self is indu-

bitable because it is self-evident. No proof is

needed, no argument is needed. It is self-evi-

dent. Mahavira denied God: he said there is no

God. But he couldn’t say there is no self. Then

the very self became divine for him. He said,

“Only the self is God.” And that is true: in you,

the self is the nearest thing to divine existence.

That is why it cannot be doubted. It is self-evi-

dent, self-revealing, self-enlightening.

This is the second way of knowing. The

scienti� c way is to know a thing as an object.

The religious way is to know the subject as

the subject. In a scienti� c way, knowledge has

three parts: the knower, the known and the

knowledge. The knowledge is just a bridge

between the knower and the known. But the

religious knowing does not have three parts.

The knower is the known and the knower is

the knowledge. This knowing is not divided

into three. It is one, it is undivided.

Excerpted from The Supreme Doctrine Courtesy: Osho International Foundation; osho.com


Osho was never

born and never

died. He only

visited this planet

earth between 11

December 1931

and 19 January

1990. He was a

charismatic and

gifted speaker who

became the leader

of a worldwide new

spiritual movement.


Confessions of an

army wifeAnamika Nandedkar

shares with us what it

means to be married to

a man who serves in the

Indian Army

CONFESSION BOOTH

Illu

stra

tion

: M

AR

YA

M H

AS

AN

AH

MA

D •

ho

mesp

un

aro

un

d.b

log

spo

t.in


What people don’t know about us is that

we are amazing actresses too. We put up a

brave face for the world but deep inside we

are terri� ed for the safety and wellbeing of

the men we love.

We just don’t get enough opportunities to

stay together because that’s how life is in fauj

[army]. When our friends from the corporate

world talk about taking a solo vacation to get

some space from their spouses—we don’t

understand them. It is because army wives

like me desperately look forward to stealing a

sojourn with our husbands whenever we can.

In fact, we can count the exact duration in a

year [down to the last minute] that we stayed

as a couple before duty knocked at the door.

Time to killA er marrying Major Sa’ab [high ranking of-

� cer], I se led into a role of a full-time house-

wife, leaving behind a steady career. I must

confess that I enjoyed every moment of the

� rst six months. Having worked as a journal-

ist for many years, covering sporting events

around the country, I � nally had time to read

that book and cook that dish—and do all the

other things that I had kept waiting since a

long time. I felt like a rich person amongst all

my colleagues, having the one thing they did

not have—free time!

But alas... I had underestimated the Army’s

talent of keeping its o cers and ladies [yes,

us too] on their toes during peace postings.

We had AWWA [Army Wives Welfare As-

sociation] functions to a end, family meets

to organise, ladies meets to practise for and

a end every social engagement.

The extent to which we plan our livesI almost burst out laughing when I was told

that the station commander’s wife had called

a Banarasi saree seller to her place and had

asked all interested ladies to join her in saree-

shopping. Who had so much time on their

hands?

But that was not to be treated as an invita-

tion. It was a farmaan, an order!

So I accompanied all the ladies of the Unit

to the memsahib’s bungalow to check out some

sarees. And I had to hand it to the lady; she

had indeed done us all a great favour by get-

ting that saree-man to her place. He had some

of the most beautiful Banarasi sarees and at

irresistible prices.

I am a saree-freak, so I enjoyed feasting

my eyes on silks and crepes. I did not buy

anything though—de� antly disobeying mem-

sahib’s hints that I should get one—because I

was out of job and felt it below my dignity to

ask my husband for money [a situation that

changed very soon].

The other ladies went home with a bunch

of sarees, having already earmarked them for

future functions.

“This blue saree is for the monsoon theme

party.”

“I will save this black one for a dinner func-

tion.”

“There will be a ladies’ meet during the GOC

visit right? I’ll wear this crepe saree there.”

I was amazed to see their planning! It put

the government’s panch-varshiya yojna [� ve-

year plans] to shame.

Chivalry isn’t extinct“Don’t call me Ma’am, please.”

“Ok Ma’am.”

I gave up trying to convince o cers to

call me by my name. I was not used to being

called ma’am; it felt unnatural, especially

when someone belonging to my father’s gen-

eration addressed me so.

But that’s when I realised—if there is one

place where a woman can enjoy the company

of chivalrous gentlemen, it would be in the

Armed Forces.

WE ARE A TYPICAL TRIBE.

Yes, we are. There are certain

a ributes unique to us. Many of

you presume that we are super-

stylish women who are party

experts and travel all over the

country with their dashing and

well-groomed husbands in smart

uniforms. Some of you know us

as the women who live in bunga-

lows-too-big-for-our-own-good

and enjoy discounts too-good-to-

be-true at military canteens.


And I am not talking about pulling-the-

chair and holding-the-door-open kind of

chivalry. I am talking about a deeper sense of

honour and responsibility that makes the men

in uniform take care of their women folk.

These bravehearts will help each other to

any extent, even if they are not particularly

fond of each other—they take the meaning of

the word camaraderie very seriously. Women

get pampered the most. And we love every

moment of it. Occasionally, my husband

would make sure that I didn’t get carried

away and brought me back to reality. He tried

to “groom” me into becoming a good exam-

ple for others.

Dress up!There is a long list of words that civilians

don’t use, but faujis [army men] can’t do with-

out. Like, detailement, fall-in etc. Grooming is

another word that faujis like to use a lot.

I was amused on seeing a sign board

outside a military mess. Something about

the way “O rs’Mess” is wri en triggers the

journalist in me, wanting to point out that any

normal person would read this as “O ers”

instead of “O cers”.

I also had a hearty laugh when my hus-

band �rst said he needed to “prepare his

dress” for the next day.

“Dress? Ha ha ha! Are you a woman that you

want to wear a dress?”

Major Sa’ab frowned. He opened his ward-

robe and made me memorise the names of all

his “dresses”. Games dress, ceremonial dress,

Number One dress, Number Two dress,

combat dress and so on. I learned it the hard

way that in Army, even the men wear dresses.

And they do it in style! We, the army wives,

sometimes have to catch up with them in this

department.

I had to undergo a complete wardrobe

makeover to cater to the requirements of eve-

ry occasion [in every season]. This involved

spending a bomb on sarees, which is the unof-

�cial dress code for army women at any social

function. Army wives are experts at wearing a

saree in �ve minutes �at, �ve times a day.

Interacting with soldiers’familiesI realised how li le I knew about the

organisation before I married my husband.

To a girl my age, only the glamour of crew

cuts, aviators and powerful bikes was visible.

It was only a er I started living with my

husband in his Unit that I came face-to-face

with things that only an army wife will

come across.

The most memorable among those things

was my interaction with Jawaans [soldiers]

and their families. Learning about the kind of

background they come from and their hard-

ships was the jolt that brought me back to

earth and snapped me out of my fantasy.

Most wives of Jawaans came from villages;

some had not even passed class 10 while

some were post graduates. I was told that

the women looked up to the wives of o c-

ers [provided we were nice to them] and I

needed to always be by their side.

I was shocked to learn that many of them

don’t get to stay with their husbands for 3 – 4

years at a time and have to live alone or with

the husband’s extended family, which comes

with its own set of problems.

One young wife asked me how much I

earned, and responded with a shocked ex-

pression when I told her.

“Can women earn that much money? Can I

too?”

I didn’t know what to tell her. I asked her

what her education was, to which she replied

that she was a computer graduate. I gave her

advice about how she should not waste her

time at home and get a job, citing that many

options she had and sincerely hoping that she

will pick at least one of those. I don’t know

the outcome of that pep talk as my husband

got his posting orders the next month. But

I hope to meet that young woman again

someday and learn that she is doing well for

herself.

That’s the beauty of this organisation. We

meet, we bond, and we party like there is no

tomorrow. And very soon, it is time to pack

our trunks, say goodbye and move to a new

place to start all over again.

That’s life for us. And we appreciate its

value like no one else.

Anamika Nandedkar is a

journalist and creator

of the blog www.

acuriousarmywife.

wordpress.com. Being

married to an Army

officer, she is fully

enjoying her nomadic

life which is a “shaken

and stirred” cocktail of

adventure and anxiety.

I ALSO HAD A HEARTY LAUGH WHEN MY

HUSBAND FIRST SAID HE NEEDED TO

“PREPARE HIS DRESS” FOR THE NEXT DAY



yogaExplore


Yoga for PCOS

DURING A RECENT seminar on PCOS, a

gynaecologist revealed that till a few decades

ago, during their annual presentations, only

one paragraph would be allo ed to PCOS.

Today, there are long presentations just on

this one topic.

Estimates suggest that Polycystic Ovary

Syndrome [PCOS] a ects 5 – 10 per cent of

women of reproductive age. The symptoms

of PCOS are any or all of the following: hair

fall, irregular menstruation, acne, pimples,

baldness, dandru , miscarriage, facial hair,

weight gain, high blood pressure and sugar

imbalances due to insulin resistance. PCOS

also increases the risk of heart a ack, diabe-

tes, stroke, anxiety disorder, depression and

uterine cancer.

But every problem has an inherent solu-

tion. The good news is that a regulated and

disciplined lifestyle can reverse this problem.

“PCOS is growing like an epidemic due to faults

in the lifestyle, especially, in young girls. It can be

completely kept under control without any com-

plications through yoga, right diet and a healthy

lifestyle,” says Dr Sudeshna Ray, Mumbai-

based gynaecologist.

Let’s look at how yoga can help to manage PCOSTo treat PCOS, it is important to focus on

the postures which help direct oxygen rich

blood to the reproductive organs. Hence, all

the asanas which are meant to stretch and

expand the lower back and hips will fall in

this category.

Prasarita Padotanasana [wide legged forward

bend]: Stand with your feet wide apart [4

– 5 ], bend forward to place your palms on

the � oor, inhale, raise your head up to get a

concave back, bend your elbows, exhale and

place your crown in between your palms.

Maintain the posture with normal breathing

for a while.

Bene� ts:

>> Stimulates your liver, kidneys, calves, hips,

groin, knees and spine.

>> Calms the mind and releases muscular

sti ness.

Did you know that besides a� ecting fertility, PCOS increases the risk of heart attack,

diabetes, stroke, anxiety disorder, depression and uterine cancer? Fortunately, PCOS can

be cured with the help of yoga and lifestyle changes

By Shammi Gupta

Prasarita Padotanasana

Upavista Konasana. Sit with your legs

stretched in front of you and spread as far

apart as possible. Start bending forward as

per your comfort, while exhaling. Your aim

should be to � nally touch your head to the

� oor and your hands to your toes.

Bene� ts:

>> Stretches and strengthens your hips, lower

spine, and muscles from the upper chest to

the pelvis.

>> Helps the pelvic � oor get increased blood

supply.

>> Eases the pain of sciatica, regularises

menstrual � ow, stimulates ovaries, and

stretches hamstrings.

>> Recommended during pregnancy as well.

Baddhakonasana. Sit with your feet in

Namaste position [soles touching] for 1 – 2

minutes. Slowly bend forward and get into

a comfortable, relaxed position as shown in

the picture.

Bene� ts:

>> Helps direct blood � ow to the abdo-

men and pelvis thereby stimulating the

abdominal organs, ovaries, uterus, bladder

and kidneys.

>> Helps with sciatica, menstrual irregularity,

high blood pressure, asthma, infertility,

depression and fatigue.

>> Recommended for pregnant woman.

Apart from the ones mentioned above,

asanas like u hita trikonasana, u hita

parsavakonasana, paschimo anasana and

adhomukha svasana are also bene� cial. Addi-

tionally, the practice of suryanamaskar alone

can bring tremendous bene� ts and help keep

weight in check. Suryanamaskar is a series

of 12 postures which stretches and � exes the

complete spine, works on the arms and the

legs and internal organs and glands.

According to some schools of thought, it

is best to avoid inversion postures if you

have PCOS.

Managing the stress that comes with PCOSStress can be a cause of PCOS and also a

result of it. Activating your parasympathetic

nervous system with restorative postures,

correct breathing and pranayama can help


Baddhakonasana

Upavista Konasana

manage stress. Pranayamas promote deep

relaxation and hormonal balance bringing

adrenal and cortisol levels within control.

Ujjayi Pranayama [victory breathing].

Performed at the basic level, one needs to sit

upright, and inhale and exhale while con-

stricting the throat. You will hear ‘sa’ sound

during inhalation and exhalation.

Bene� ts:

>> Expands your lungs fully so that you uti-

lise your lung capacity to the optimum.

>> Generates vital energy, tones and soothes

the nervous system, and balances high BP.

Nadi Shodhan Kriya [alternate nostril

breathing]. This is popularly known as anu-

lom vilom. You block your right nostril with

your right thumb, inhale from the le nostril,

then block le nostril with right ring and li le

� nger, release right nostril and exhale. Then

inhale from the right nostril, block right nos-

tril again with right thumb, release le nostril

and exhale from le nostril. This is one cycle.

Bene� ts:

A few cycles of anulom vilom where you are

breathing mindfully can calm your mind,

increase oxygen level in the body, relieve

fatigue, strain and weakness and also lower

high blood pressure.

Mudras for PCOSThese are hand gestures that can be held

while doing pranayamas or at any other times

during the day.

1Gyan Mudra or Jnana Mudra is the mudra

of wisdom. This mudra is performed by

joining together the tips of the thumb and the

index � nger. Per-

forming this mudra

helps to increase

will power. It also

balances the func-

tion of the various

glands and stabilises

hormonal disorders.


PCOS, yoga and weight lossWeight gain is a common effect of PCOS and one that is most

upsetting. Hormonal imbalance leads to uncontrollable weight

gain. Hence, managing weight is critical to get a grip on the

situation. Once in control, it is easier to handle the other is-

sues associated with it.

Yoga postures can be performed in a sequence dynamically

to increase heart rate and provide a cardiovascular workout.

This accelerates weight loss and also improves the health of

the heart. Hatha yoga postures, when performed in its tradi-

tional way i.e., holding the posture for a certain period of time,

thereby applying the principle of static contraction [isometric

type], helps build strength, increase muscle mass and combat

insulin resistance. Also, there are asanas that can stimulate

different organs and bring hormonal balance.

Shammi Gupta, founder of Shammi’s

Yogalaya is a

naturopath, MA in yoga

shastra and certified

in American College

of Sports Medicine

& Myofascial Tissue

Therapy. She teaches a

combination of Classic

Hatha, Iyengar and

Ashtanga Vinyasa and

conducts research on

yoga and sports.

It is bene� cial in sleeping disorders. Do this

for 15 minutes daily.

2Yoni Mudra is performed by joining the

thumbs and the index � ngers of both

hands and inter-

locking the other

� ngers. Thumbs will

face the ceiling and

index � ngers will be

facing the � oor. This

mudra is specially

designed for woman

and helps to relieve PMS, periods irregularity

and excess bleeding during periods. Do this

for 30 minutes followed by 5 – 10 minutes of

Pran Mudra.

3Pran Mudra is performed by joining the

tips of li le � ngers and ring � ngers with

the tips of the thumb. It helps reduce tension,

anger and irritability. Also relieves skin rash-

es, improves eyesight and removes impurities

from blood. Do this for 10 minutes daily.

Follow the whole series whenever conven-

ient during the day.

Lifestyle management is the key to PCOS

management. Hence, look at each aspect of

your life, manage it positively and you will be

relieved of this health concern.

If you have any further questions about how to manage PCOS with yoga, I will be happy to answer them for you. You may post your questions on ‘Ask Shammi’

segment on www.shammisyogalaya.com.



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sleepDiscover


What are you dreaming of?Presenting the nine most common dreams and what they are trying to tell you

By Theresa Cheung

LOSS OF BABY TEETH IS A SIGN OF GROWING UP, THIS DREAM COULD ALSO SUGGEST FEAR OF AGEING

YOUR TEETH ARE FALLING out. One by one

you catch them in your hand. There is nothing

you can do to stop it from happening. People

are staring at you. You rush into the restroom,

look in the mirror and see your toothless

re� ection smile back at you. You start to panic

and just as you are about to scream you wake

up. Relief! It was but a dream.

Yes, it was just a dream. But knowing this

doesn’t stop you from tapping your teeth to

make sure they are all there, and throughout

the day whenever you glance in the mirror

you can’t help but feel reassured to see your

teeth intact. The dream felt so real. What did

it mean? Should you visit your dentist? No,

your teeth are in great shape because you

visited your dentist a month ago a er having

the same dream. So, why are you having this

dream yet again?

Teeth falling out is one of the most com-

mon dreams people have, so there has to be

some kind of meaning to it. The great major-

ity of dreams are as unique as the person

who dreams them but certain dreams come

up time and time again. Here are nine of the

most common dreams we have and the psy-

chological reasoning behind them.

1NakedIn this extremely common dream, you are

with a group of people and suddenly you re-

alise you are the only person who is not wear-

ing anything. You are completely naked. This

dream suggests that you are feeling exposed

and vulnerable in your waking life; you need

to protect yourself. A � ip side interpretation is

that your subconscious is urging you towards

greater self-expression or the freedom to be

more honest in your relationships.

2Losing teethTeeth are a symbol of dominance and power

in the animal kingdom, so this dream could

suggest low self-esteem or con� dence. You

have lost your mojo and your dreaming

mind wants you to enjoy being you again.

Alternatively, as loss of baby teeth is a sign

of growing up, this dream could also suggest

fear of ageing or the need to let go of the past

in some way to move forward.

3Taking an examinationChances are you have had a dream where

you are about to take a test or examination or

are actually taking it. The simplest explana-

tion is that you are stressed out with your

work or studies, but it could also indicate

that you need to keep on top of things and

stay alert. You could be missing things out

and not paying enough a ention to impor-

tant details.

4FlyingThis exhilarating dream occurs when you

are quite literally feeling high—with joy.

Your dreaming mind wants you to savour

the moment while it lasts. If, however, your

waking life is anything but joyful then � ying

dreams are urging you to detach from your

problems, spread metaphorical wings and let

go of self-imposed limitations so you can see

the bigger picture.

5FallingDreaming of falling from a great height

suggests you are frightened of failing or are

feeling insecure and unsupported in some

way. Your dreaming mind is urging you to

deal with the issues that are overwhelming

you. Closely associated with falling is the

dream of drowning. Drowning also suggests

a sense of crisis or feeling overwhelmed;

an indication that you are metaphorically

drowned by the circumstances in your

waking life.

6Running away or being chasedEither you are feeling threatened in some way

in your waking life, or your dreaming mind is

trying to get you to face an issue or problem

that has been holding you back. Dreams of

being lost have a fairly similar meaning in




that they also suggest you are feeling con-

fused and aren’t sure which way to turn in

your waking life. Your subconscious wants

you to � nd a direction, a solution.

7DeathMore a nightmare, many people worry

that dreams of themselves or their loved

ones dying may come true in real life. Rest

assured this is not the case as dreams are

symbolic and do not predict the future. If

someone you know in a dream dies, or is

dead, this means that the part of yourself or

the situation that person represents is dead,

or needs to die. If you are the dying person,

your dreaming mind is urging you to make

changes, let go of old ways or one stage in

your life and take a new path. So this is very

much an “out with the old, in with the new”

dream interpretation.

8Arriving late and car out of control!Your dreaming mind is telling you that

you are unprepared or have taken on

way too much. Another closely related

dream is when you dream about transport

di culties or are in a vehicle that suddenly

loses control. You may be the driver or the

passenger but either way it is a sign that you

are feeling powerless and a crash is likely

if urgent changes in your waking life aren’t

made soon or a bad habit isn’t corrected

or brought under control. Dreams about

phones or electrical appliances being faulty

have a similar meaning. You need to reassess

your life, take on less and focus on what

really ma ers.

9SexTypically we have sex in our dreams with

people who are not our partners, or dream

of our partners having sex with other people

but this does not mean you are going to have

an a air or that your partner is cheating.

If you are having sex in your dreams—

especially with someone you aren’t a racted

to in real life—your subconscious is urging

you to develop aspects of yourself that are

hidden. What aspect of yourself does the

person you have sex with in your dream

represent? For example, if you dream of a

celebrity, perhaps this suggests the desire for

more recognition or con� dence. And if you

dream of your partner cheating, don’t judge

or jump to conclusions. It could simply

mean that your partner is devoting too much

a ention to something other than you: work,

study, sports, a hobby, a pet and so on. It

could also indicate that you are dri ing

apart and need to reconnect.

Amazing youYour dreams do not predict the future or read

your mind but what they can do is shine a

symbolic spotlight on an area of your per-

sonality or your life that you need to resolve,

develop or pay more a ention to. If you listen

to what your inner therapist is trying to say,

you will � nd that every dream you have has a

great deal to say about you and your life—be-

cause in your dreams absolutely everything is

about YOU.

Theresa Cheung is the best-selling

author of The Element

Encyclopaedia of 20,000

Dreams [Harper Collins]

and Sunday Times

best-selling author of

An Angel Healed Me

[Simon and Schuster]

www.theresacheung.com

QWhat is epilepsy? How prevalent is it in

India?

AEpilepsy is a disease in which the

person gets seizures. It is estimated

that at least one per cent of the population

or nearly 12 million people suffer from

epilepsy in India.

Q What are the causes of epilepsy?

AEpilepsy can develop due to a vari-

ety of causes such as head injuries,

strokes, brain tumours, genetic and congeni-

tal disorders, brain infections like meningitis

and developmental brain disorders. How-

ever, the underlying cause is identified only

in 30 per cent of all epilepsy cases.

Q Who is at risk of developing epilepsy?

AEpilepsy affects people of all races.

It can begin at any time in life. The

condition is more common among children

and the aged. 25 per cent of cases afflict

individuals under the age of 14 years, while

35 per cent of all cases are observed in

patients above the age of 65 years. The

remaining 40 per cent of cases develop in

individuals who fall into greater wider age

group, from 15 – 64 years of age.

QWhat are the types of seizures that

patients with epilepsy have?

AThere are several different kinds of

seizures. Generalised tonic-clonic

seizures are easily identified by eye wit-

nesses or by-standers. The event is usually

characterised by a cry, followed by a fall. The

patient loses consciousness and the body

stiffens, which is followed by jerking of the

limbs. It may be accompanied by tongue

bite, frothing from mouth and sometimes

urinary incontinence. The patient remains

confused or drowsy after the event and may

have no recollection of the incident. While

this type of seizure is easy to diagnose,

there are other types of seizures that are

commonly seen, but are more difficult to

identify. These include:

>> Absence seizures – These begin and

end abruptly. They are common in

children and last for a few seconds. The

episodes are characterised by brief pe-

riods of staring spells and unresponsive

behaviour.

>> Myoclonic seizures – The patient has

generalised muscle jerks or spasms.

>> Simple partial seizures – The patient

experiences changes in sensation, limb

movements or feelings, without any loss

of consciousness.

>> Complex partial seizures – These

are characterised by brief episodes of

alteration in consciousness or confusion.

The patient is generally unaware of

these events. The symptoms may be

o h

A neurologist explains the brain disorder that causes

seizures and offers useful advice regarding the same

By Anil Venkitachalam

Epilepsy explained


International Day of Epilepsy8th February 2016

associated with auras and automatisms.

Auras are perceptual disturbances

experienced before the seizure happens.

They are usually in the form of seeing a

strange light, getting an unpleasant smell

or some confusing thoughts. The most

common automatisms are in the form

of lip smacking, swallowing, chewing,

picking and fumbling.

>> Atonic seizures – There is a sudden and

complete loss of muscle tone, resulting in

the patient falling to the ground.

Q Can seizures cause brain damage?

AGenerally, seizures cause brain dys-

function only for a temporary period. In

rare cases, recurrent or prolonged seizures

can have some negative effects over time.

However, in general, epileptic patients do

not have any noticeable changes in their

intelligence, cognition or alertness.

Q What are febrile seizures?

ASometimes, in infants and children,

a high fever can trigger a seizure.

This is described as a febrile seizure. In

most cases, these patients do not develop

epilepsy. Parents should however seek

medical attention immediately in case the

child has a seizure.

QWhat are the dangers that a patient with

epilepsy faces?

ASeizures are usually non-threaten-

ing and are unlikely to result in fatality

if dealt with promptly. Death is possible if

someone has a seizure in water or while

driving. Occasionally, a patient can aspirate

or choke during a seizure. Therefore, it is im-

perative to treat seizures as an emergency.

QWhat should one do when someone

has epilepsy?

AThe important thing to remember is to

keep the patient safe until the seizure

stops naturally.

Key points to remember:

>> Keep calm.

>> Do not try to stop the seizure forcefully.

>> Clear the area around the patient so as to

avoid any injuries.

>> Loosen the clothing to facilitate breathing.

>> Turn the patient gently to one side so as

to avoid choking. Do not attempt to force

the mouth open, as this can cause more

injury to the patient.

>> Wait for the event to get over and seek

medical help.

Q How is epilepsy treated?

ASeizure prevention is the goal of treat-

ment. The modes of treatment include

medications, surgery, vagal nerve stimula-

tion and ketogenic diet. Different antiepilep-

tic medications are also available, with the

specific types of medications and dosage

guidelines determined by a neurologist. In

general, medications are helpful in control-

ling seizures in up to 80 per cent of cases.

It is important to follow the dosage recom-

mendations precisely, as skipping medica-

tions or altering dosage can further exacer-

bate the problem. Another essential point to

remember is that medications do not cure

epilepsy, but only control the seizures. The

patient may have to be on medication for a

prolonged period of time.

QIs epilepsy related to any psychiatric

illness?

AOverall, epilepsy patients have normal

intelligence and brain function. Epi-

lepsy does not affect mental abilities, except

when associated with other neurological

issues. Epilepsy is different from psychiatric

disorders and in most cases epilepsy pa-

tients have normal moods and behaviour.

QCan an epilepsy patient lead a

normal life?

AYes, an epileptic patient can lead a

normal life. He can take up a regular

job, marry, have children and lead a healthy

happy life. Certain precautions do need to

be taken, especially while driving a car, trav-

elling or swimming. The patient is advised

to regularly follow up with a neurologist to

monitor his condition.

Anil Venkitachalamis a full time consultant

in neurology at Dr LH

Hiranandani Hospital,

Powai, Mumbai.



Neatand chilled

living spacesManage

IT’S TIME FOR DINNER but there you are

with your head poking into the refrigerator.

Frantically shu ing jars back and forth on

the shelves, searching for that one crucial

ingredient you need to � nish the dish you are

preparing. You look in all the bo les and cans

in the hope to � nd it but in vain. If only you

had organised your refrigerator be er!

We may not give it much thought, but a

neat and well-organised refrigerator not only

makes it easier for us to fetch things from it

when we need them but also helps the food

stay fresh for long. Here’s how you can do it:

Arrange the shelvesClean the shelves well and then rearrange

them smartly such that your refrigerator is

more functional and be er suited to your

needs. If the arrangement of the shelves is

right, then your refrigerator will have more

air-circulation and will also look neat and

tidy. At least one shelf in the fridge should be

able to accommodate tall containers.

Use shelf linersSpills happen all the time and cleaning the

fridge shelf a er a spill can be a tedious

process. Protect your refrigerator from

spills by using shelf liners. There are many

shelf liners available in the market like so

towels, cling wrappers, white vinyl, plastic

transparent liners etc. Take your pick!

Whenever a spill happens on the shelf, all you

need to do is replace or clean the shelf liner.

Plus, shelf liners add a colourful touch to

your refrigerator.

Place similar items togetherArrange your food items based on their

category, type or usage and designate a

� xed place for them in your refrigerator.

For example, place your fruits in the low

humidity drawer, condiments in one place,

and milk and other beverages in another

place. This will help you to easily � nd the

items you need. You can also use trays to

further compartmentalise the items. Choose

trays that are not too bulky and do not take

more space by themselves. So you could

place all the condiments in one tray, sauces in

another and so on.

An e ciently arranged refrigerator can help you save time, plan your grocery shopping be er and is pleasing to the eyes

By Nithya Govindarajan


Nithya Govindarajan is a business analyst and

author of nithyascorner.

com, a food blog that

specialises in Indian and

international recipes and

also kitchen related articles.

Use containers the right way >> Prefer square and rectangle shapes. Store

items in square or rectangle containers

because they can be stacked well and

would also � t into the corners easily. Also

make sure that the containers are covered

securely.

>> Choose see-through containers. See-

through containers are best because you

know what is inside the container and

what you are looking for. It also saves you

the trouble of labelling the containers.

>> Prefer glass containers. Glass containers

are eco-friendly and allow you to reheat

food in them to high temperatures.

>> Use matching colour containers. This is

not a must, but it’s a simple trick to make

your refrigerator look beautiful and well

organised. For example, you could coor-

dinate white and blue containers or same

colour containers.

>> ‘Use me soon’ tray. For foods that need to

be consumed within a week or so, place

them in a speci� c tray that is meant only

for items that are soon to perish. This way

there will be no wastage and you won’t

have to keep a list of those items on the top

of your mind.

Use freezer bags or green bagsSave space in your refrigerator by storing food

in air-tight bags, freezer bags or green bags.

Freezer bags: Store your food items in freezer

bags that are free from BPA [Bisphenol A].

Freezer bags are inexpensive and available

in di erent sizes. Also, they can be easily

stacked and labelled.

Green bags. Use green bags to store vegeta-

bles and fruits, as they tend to keep them

fresh for longer.

Use bo le stackerIt’s very likely that you will run out of space

to keep bo les in your fridge door and will

then need to use the shelves. To prevent the

bo les from rolling to and fro on the shelf use

a bo le stacker. These can be used to place

your wine, so drinks and ever ketchup bot-

tles. These stackers also hold cans well. You

can get it as a � exible rubber mat.

Label containers and shelvesLabel containers. Use food storage labels or

a marker to write down the item name and

the date it is packed in the container. By this,

every three days you could do a random

check and clean the refrigerator by removing

the unwanted containers.

Label shelves. If you have many drawers

and bins, label all of them just to identify and

replace the food items easily. This habit will

prove useful a er you’ve just got your grocer-

ies and are stocking up the fridge. Instead of

randomly dumping things in any shelf, labels

will make sure that each item has its desig-

nated place. Likewise, you could also store

food in a bin and label it as “Kids” so that

your kids could reach them easily.

Require cool air circulationIn order to prevent your food from spoiling

too early and to maintain your food at a

safe temperature, avoid overloading your

refrigerator with a lot of food. Cool air needs

to circulate to keep food at the required

temperature.

Organise items based on humidity and temperatureStore food items that spoil easily like curd,

desserts, fresh cream and ripe fruits on the

coldest shelf. Fruits could be stored in the low

humidity drawer while vegetables could be

kept on the high humidity drawer.

Small items aheadAlways place big items at the back of the re-

frigerator and the small ones in front, so that

you can clearly see what you have. This also

helps to avoid wastage of food items.

Store only necessary fruits and veggiesSome fruits and vegetables like onions and

potatoes do not need refrigeration. They can

be safely stored on your kitchen countertop

for two to three weeks. This way, you could

have more room in your refrigerator for food

that does require refrigeration.




V O L U N T O U R I S M

TRAVEL WITH A CAUSE

travelExplore

When you choose voluntourism, you not only

enrich your life but also the world at large

By Shraddha Gupta


The dream! Back in 2013, I wanted to take a month-long

vacation. My parents were supportive and ad-

vised me to � nd a purpose for my trip rather

than just spend my vacation lazing. Owing

to its mesmerising mountains and peaceful

spirituality, I was instantly drawn to McLeod

Ganj, a suburb of Dharamsala in Himachal

Pradesh. I imagined walking through the

quaint streets and visiting the monasteries; I

could even hear the sound of the gongs of the

Dalai Lama temple as they echoed through

the valleys.

My vision takes shapeWhen I � rst announced my decision of volun-

teering while on a trip, everyone around me

concluded that it was a bizarre idea. Hon-

estly, I was scared to go to an unknown place

and manage a solo trip for that long with no

familiar locals to lean on. But even though

I was afraid, I was also eager to help this

compassionate Tibetans-in-exile community.

I surfed the internet and applied for the role

of a volunteer teacher at the LHA Charita-

ble Trust, a non-pro� t organisation and one

of the largest Tibetan social work institutes

based in Dharamsala. A couple of days later

I was accepted for the position, and soon my

bags were packed and I was ready to leave.

I � nd purposeWhen I arrived in McLeod Ganj, I was

received by a representative of LHA, who

helped me � nd accommodation for the

next month. At noon, I was inside the LHA

o ce, a small green building with ordinary

classrooms, a few li le o ce spaces and a

simple homely charm. I was welcomed by the

volunteer coordinator, who then introduced

me to all the other volunteers. They had come

from di erent parts of the world, for the same

purpose—“to teach the ones who needed

it the most”. Later that a ernoon, I met my

student, a fair and beautiful Tibetan nun with

twinkling eyes and a pure smile. Her � rst

words to me were, “Tashi Delek, my teacher.”

The phrase “Tashi Delek” can be roughly

translated as “blessings and good luck” and

it is a greeting that is characteristic of the rich

Tibetan culture.

VOLUNTOURISM IS A COMBINATION of volunteering and tourism, where people get

to visit a new place and at the same time help those less fortunate than themselves. They

can choose to get o the beaten path and visit remote villages, mingle with the locals and

understand their lifestyle and culture. As volunteers, they can educate children or help

build an infrastructure for those who do not have even the basic amenities that we take for

granted. Volunteering overseas is a growing trend, but there are also a lot of opportunities

for voluntourism within our country.

A nun and student at LHA getting

lessons in English

Brazil and South Africa are among the top

destinations with such opportunities, not only

to teach di erent languages, but also to help

in ecological research, conservation e orts,

restoration, business development, market-

ing local businesses, or provide assistance in

therapy, childcare and so on.

Tips for voluntourismVoluntourism may not change the world

overnight, but the smallest e orts can, at

times, make a big di erence. While I sincerely

hope that more travellers will be inspired

to volunteer while travelling, here are a few

tips to make your experience memorable and

problem-free:

>> Do your research and �nd an organisation

that you trust, value and respect.

>> Opt for cheap and a ordable local home-

stays, when looking for accommodations

for a longer period of time.

>> Plan your stay for a minimum of 10 days

or more, to make the most of your experi-

ence, and to be able to really contribute to

the cause for which you volunteer.

>> Be open to the culture around you, and

learn as much as you can from the locals.

Relinquish your modern luxuries, and eat,

sleep and live like they do.

>> Don’t be a tourist, be an explorer or

adventurer, ready to discover and always

appreciative of new cultures and places.

>> Last but not the least, remember that travel

can also contribute to a greater cause.

The decision that changedmy lifeThe decision to stay locally was a turning

point in my trip—and my life. I made new

friends and learnt a lot from them, in turn

sharing what I knew. My stay had a de�ni-

tive purpose now; I taught my student basic

English and cha ed with her for hours to im-

prove her grammar. In return, she taught me

a set of new Tibetan words on a daily basis

and gave me an insight into Tibet, its culture

and a Tibetan’s journey across countries.

The days were still long enough to leave

me plenty of time to go on treks with the

other volunteers, explore neighbouring towns

on weekends, visit the cafes and enjoy count-

less yoga and meditation sessions. We shared

music, movies, books, anecdotes and stories

from our respective hometowns, turning the

experience into the most enriching cultural

exchange of our lives.

A novel experienceWhat I had just done was new to me as an

Indian traveller. Our strict working schedules

and suspicious mindset about safety issues

concerning new places hold us back from

trying out new experiences of this kind. But,

with a li le research and following my own

experience, I realised that volunteer-travel-

ling or voluntourism is a common practice for

foreigners around the world. It’s easy to �nd a

number of accredited volunteering organisa-

tions in o eat areas of developing cities and

countries or in remote and tribal se lements.

India, Nepal, Cambodia, Iceland, Guatemala,

Shraddha Guptais the founder of

StreetTrotter, a travel,

culture and fashion

blog that inspires

people to look good,

live healthy and travel

better. In 2014 she

completed the Chadar

Trek, one of the wildest

frozen river treks

in the world. www.

streettrotter.com

The author with her student: a Tibetan nun The group of volunteers at LHA enjoying their weekend break




February 2016

MO

29

TUE

16

M

2

MO

15

SUN

28

SUN

21

SUN

14

SAT

27

WED

17

TUE

23

FRI

26

FRI

12

FRI

19

THU

25

THU

18

THU

11

MO

8

SUN

7

FRI

5

THU

4

WED

3

MO

1

MONTH FRESHENERInfuse life into your days

ww

w.c

om

ple

tew

ellb

ein

g.c

om

Strive to keep your

words and thoughts

positive all day—no

complaining or

cribbing.

Break away from

a fixed routine, do

something different to

get out of the rut.

Give up your seat

for someone—they

need not be elderly or

pregnant!

Valentine’s Day

Rekindle the romance

by recreating your

first meeting with

your beloved.

SAT

6Ask someone if they’ve

lost some weight or

simply tell them that

they’re glowing.

Basking in the early

morning sun is the

best way to get vitamin

D. Are you getting

enough?

Have that awkward

conversation you’ve

been putting off for

so long.

Vow to not start

your day with the

newspaper this

entire week.

Take a nap. Yes, you

read that right. Sleep

for an hour or two.

Add a touch of cheer

to your desk by getting

an office plant.

Donate your talents

at an orphanage or an

old age home.

How about giving

away utensils/

crockery you no

longer need to

someone less

privileged than you?

Write a letter to your

future children or

grandchildren with the

intent of giving it to

them someday.

COMPLETE WELLBEING


MY NOTE

Write something positive

about an office colleague

and leave the note on his

desk.

Eat at least

five different

fruits today.

Dig out a board

game and play it

with your family.

Learn something

new: origami,

hulahooping or

even juggling.


travelExplore

Archana Singh takes you to a breathtaking hill station in Vietnam to

experience the culture of an authentic hill tribe

A SOJOURN TO SAPA

The Coffee View & Bar is worth a visit for the view it offers

The Stone Church

Trekking through the Bamboo Forest


THE DREAMLIKE LANDSCAPE of “the

Tonkinese Alps”, the enchanting culture of

Sapa and its lovely, welcoming people have

been dwelling on my mind ever since I

returned from Vietnam. I love exploring the

untold human stories, so on my trip I decided

to sneak a peek into the lives of ethnic tribes

of Sapa. This article is an a empt to look be-

yond the surface and discover the true beauty

of Vietnam.

I saw the � rst glimpse of Sapa on televi-

sion and the idea to visit Vietnam took birth

in my mind. Three months later, I was in the

quaint land of mist and mountains. I reached

Sapa early in the morning a er a comfortable

� ve hours Hanoi-Sapa journey in a bus. The

moment I alighted from the bus, I noticed

a � ock of short Hmong women dressed in

vibrant traditional out� ts smiling and asking

if I needed a guide. I politely declined and

took a taxi to the Holy Rosary Church, alias

the Stone Church.

The centre of the town was dwarfed by

mountain ranges and especially the peak of

Phan-Xi-Pang [Vietnam’s highest mountain at

3,100m]. The Stone Church was built in late

19th century by the French and stood tall in

this orient-meets-the-alps retreat. Across the

Church stood the town’s main marketplace

and plaza.

The exploring beginsDuring the trek a er a hearty bu et breakfast

at Cinnamon restaurant, my so spoken,

ever smiling, traditionally clad guide Si told

me that Sapa has numerous ethnic minority

groups namely Hmong, Dao, Giay and Tay

and majority [about 80 per cent] of the popu-

lation is into agriculture.

Paying a ention to Si’s words only

partially, my eyes absorbed the jaw-dropping

panoramas of the valley. The rice terraces ran

down the lo y slopes and the clouds o ered

glimpses of high soaring peaks farther away.

Bathed in morning sunlight, the misty vistas

looked like giant watercolour paintings. We

walked through the terraced rice paddies,

Indigo � elds, bamboo forests, rivulets and

small waterfalls. Water bu aloes and pigs

stared at us from rice � elds. My muddy slip-

and-slide adventure trek was both rewarding

and tiring. Though it got extremely sweaty

The famous terrace rice fields of Sapa

Ph

oto

s:

AR

CH

AN

A S

ING

H

despite the cool breeze, the astounding views

and the weather made up for all the hard

work.

Tiny Hmong women, while greeting us

warmly, tried selling everything they had

in their traditional woven baskets: embroi-

dered hemp skirts, bags, belts, purses, silver

bracelets, earrings and traditional necklaces.

I learnt from these innocent-looking English

speaking traders that looks can be deceptive;

they seemed to have embraced capitalism.

Talking to them meant buying their stu . If

you don’t buy, be prepared to get nasty looks.

And taking their picture is a strict no-no, un-

less you buy their items. For them it’s simple;

“No money, no picture.” I thought of them as

rude and shrewd but subsequent heart-to-

heart conversations I had with a few of them

made me change my mind about these gentle

souls struggling to survive.

Sapa’s unique traditionsThe excruciating �ve-hour trek had le me

drained. Hu ng and pu ng, we �nally

reached a local restaurant at the Lao Chai

Good to knowLOCATION: Lao Cai Province, near the China

border in north-west Vietnam. 350km north-west

of Hanoi.

GETTING THERE: There are private sleeper

buses and overnight trains from Hanoi to Lao

Chai, followed by 45 minutes drive from Lao Chai

city by bus.

VISAS: Vietnam offers Visa on Arrival at the

airport if you get an approval letter online.

SIGHT-SEEING: Sapa is best explored on foot

but you can hire a taxi or a motorbike from the

town to explore remote, far off places.

WHEN TO GO: Between March and May or

October and November. Winters are cold and

foggy with temperatures occasionally dropping

below freezing point whereas summers are rainy.

Sapa during weekdays is quieter and reasonable

as compared to weekends when tourists flock to

Hanoi to visit the Saturday market.

WHERE TO STAY: Sapa is a tourist magnet

so a lot of good hotels huddle in the main town.

There are also traditional homestays in villages

like Lao Chai, Ban Ho, Ta Van, Ta Phin. Those

with limited budget can opt for hostels like Sapa

Backpackers, Mountain View, Go Sapa Hostel

among others.

WHAT TO BUY: The livelihood of the tribes

depends on the money they make by selling their

handmade items to tourists. Be generous. Buy

their handicraft. They are unique and cheaper

than what you’ll find in showrooms in Sapa and

Hanoi.

WHAT TO SEE: Thac Bac [Silver] waterfall, Ham

Rong Mountain, Rattan Bridge, Bamboo Forest

and Ta Phin Cave among others. Trekking is an

ideal way to explore Sapa’s enchanting beauty.

Tourists relaxing near the Thac Bac waterfall

Souvenier shops sellingVietnamese products

The petite Hmonng women taking a break from selling their wares


Village which was buzzing with tourists, its

air smelling of beef and pork. The waitresses

delivered orders at lightening speed. I was

hungry but unfortunately my vegetarian meal

requirement was lost in the translation. So I

was le with no choice but to have fruit. A er

a quick lunch I was once again out with my

guide, discovering the li le hamlet. While

strolling through the village, Si told me about

some of their unique traditions:

Saturday love market: On Saturday nights,

Sapa’s main square turns into a dating point

for young boys and girls looking for love.

Historically, young girls would be singing,

hidden away in the dark. If any boy liked any

particular voice, he would � nd the young girl

out, court her and follow it up with a romp in

the forest for three days. If the match was on,

these trips would usually end in marriage.

Marriage by kidnapping: A young man

kidnaps a young woman with the help of his

friends and family. He informs his new in-

laws only two days a er the kidnap. How-

ever, the kidnapping is symbolic only. The girl

usually knows she is going to be kidnapped

as she is given a gi two days in advance by

the boy suggesting his motive. If she doesn’t

like the match she can refuse and return to her

parents’ home with any family member that

comes to rescue her. If she is happy with the

match, the boy’s family pays the bride’s fam-

ily a price either in cash or by livestock such

as bu alo to support the bride’s family from

whom an earning member is taken away.

Traditional medicines: Heating cardamom

in a bu alo horn and pressing the hot horn

onto one’s forehead cures headaches but

leaves behind a circular burn like mark on the

forehead.

Ethnic dressing: Each ethnic tribe in the

district has a di erent style of dressing, but

each tribe is usually responsible for weaving

their own clothes by hand with the help of

indigenously grown indigo and hemp. Even

the jewellery they wear is self-made.

Not only had I discovered so much about

Sapa in a single day, I had also experienced

all four seasons: cool spring morning, warm

and sunny summer a ernoon, cloudy au-

tumn evening, and a cold winter night.

The next day, our three-hour trek took me

through villages, streams, rivers, waterfalls,

bamboo forests and muddy pathways. Soar-

ing mountains and deep valleys dwarfed the

bamboo villages, dirt roads and terraced rice

� elds. I realised that I was enjoying the view

more today. Perhaps because I didn’t feel like

a tourist anymore. I connected with the locals

and was no longer annoyed by the pesky

behaviour of the sellers.

The soaring mountains of Northern Viet-

nam have long preserved the unique cultures

of ethnic hill tribes but today this strength

has become their weakness. While the rest

of Vietnam has started enjoying the bene� t

of globalisation, Sapa has remained the poor

cousin being marginalised and forgo en. Al-

though in the last 10 years Sapa has become

a darling of tourists arriving in Vietnam, the

local tribes have hardly bene� ted from this

travel boom. It is the rich tour operators from

Hanoi and Ho Chin Minh who have made all

the moolah.

Only time will tell if these tribes will

survive. But someday, I hope and pray, that

their e ervescent smiles will emanate from a

happy prosperous life and not from a life of

poverty, struggles and compromises.

A meal being prepared at a homestay in Lao Chai

An artisan at work at a minorities craft shop

Archana Singh is a brand strategist by

profession and traveller by

passion. Her travel plans

are usually fluid and

take her to offbeat places

across India and the

world. Read more about

her travel experiences at

www.travelseewrite.com.




New kits on the blocknewly launched products and services

Hand Blender by Kra

Made of stainless steel,

Kra ’s new hand blender

is strong, sleek and equipped to

perform a wide array of blend-

ing tasks. Its 12,000 RPM speed

se ings, 160 wa s of power

and sharp four-winged Qua ro

blade reduces the meal prepara-

tion time and e ort. The handle

is non-slippery.

It comes with three a ach-

ments—Mincer to chop and

smash, Whisker to stir and mix

and Beater to whip cream. It can

be easily cleaned by separating

its detachable accessories before

washing. It is available in blue

and beige colours.

Price: `1,395

Palmolive launchespremium handwashes

Palmolive’s new range of luxurious handwashes

come in four variants—sea minerals, black orchid,

raspberry and lime/mint. Sea mineral and black orchid

are liquid while raspberry and lime/mint are foam-based

handwashes. Each of these has a unique refreshing fra-

grance that can stimulate your senses during a long tiring

day. They provide long-lasting germ protection, are deep

cleansing and leave your hands feeling clean, smooth,

hydrated and moisturised a er every use.

Price: `95 for 250ml [liquid] / `150 for 250ml [foaming]

VitoHealth Skillet by Vinod cookware

This skillet comes with a Thermo Knob feature. You

can use this to bake, roast, sauté, fry and boil food.

The handles do not get hot while cooking and its 18/8

stainless steel pot body always remains cooler than the

compact bo om and enables water vapour condensation.

The signi� cantly heavy lid stays cooler on the pot and also

ensures no nutrient loss—it builds the water seal, which

guarantees that nutrients stay in the pot. It comes with a

two year warranty.

Price: `4,570

Underarm whitening cream by La-Ta v

Dark underarms are a common skin issue and La-Ta v’s latest

product hopes to help with this. The whitening and nourish-

ing cream, Tejasva , contains liquorice extracts that lighten the skin

tone. It also contains essential olive oil and vitamins that nourish

the skin. It aims to give you even toned and smooth underarms

so you no longer have to be conscious of your underarms when

wearing sleeveless out� ts. The product is available in all leading

cosmetic stores.

Price: `460


The information provided in this section is only on an as-is basis; Complete Wellbeing is not associated with the products listed here and doesnot endorse them. To have your product listed, email us on [email protected]. Complete Wellbeing reserves the right to refusepublishing information about a product without providing any reason whatsoever.

Marks & Spencer’s products with grape fruit extracts

M&S has introduced a range of grape fruit products

that are a complex of echinacea, peptides and

an exclusive source of resveratrol. The three products

are Super Grape Face Serum, Super Grape Overnight

Treatment Oil and Super Grape Night cream. These

products are paraben free and not tested on animals.

They promote younger looking skin, give a brighter

complexion and improve skin radiance. The products are

produced in UK in an eco-factory.

Price: Super Grape Face Serum – `899

Super Grape Overnight Treatment Oil – `799

Super Grape Night Cream – `799


Soaps by Dear Earth

Dear Earth brings three organic soaps—

Bamboo Charcoal, Tea Tree and So

& Glow. Bamboo charcoal is rich in coconut

bu er, organic jojoba oil and � ne bamboo

charcoal that unclogs pores and gets rid of skin

odour. Tea Tree has purifying properties of tea

tree oil and gives you a rejuvenated feeling. It

also cures acne. So & Glow has sandalwood

and the healing, moisturising properties of

Shea bu er and coconut oil. All the soaps

use pure organic ingredients and are natural,

handmade and vegan.

Price: `290 each

Coffee machine from Bonhomia

This February, Bonhomia brings a stylish, no-fuss brewing

machine called Boho with a hot water dispenser and the

ability to froth and steam milk to prepare tea or co ee quickly

with consistent texture and � avour. It is light weight and

uncomplicated to operate making it a perfect present for your

loved one. It comes in midnight black and passion red colours

and is available on their website, on Amazon as well as in select

outlets like Barista, Westside and Modern Bazaar.

Price: `9,995 [midnight black]; `12,995 [passion red]

REFLECTIONS

Printed by Manoj Khatri, on behalf of Complete Wellbeing Publishing Pvt Ltd., at Rajhans Enterprises, No. 134, 4th Main Road, Industrial Town,

Rajajinagar, Bangalore - 560044, and published by him from Complete Wellbeing Publishing Pvt Ltd., 502, A wing, Sagar Tech Plaza,

Saki Naka Junction, Andheri-Kurla Road, Mumbai 400072. Editor: Manoj Khatri

A brief history of the minduntil we lost our sense of self and

got completely identi� ed with it.

Once the human mind was in

the commanding position, it started

to solve problems that didn’t exist.

Ever since, that’s what humanity

has been doing—solving problems

that don’t exist [I call them mind-

made problems] and creating more

problems in the process. That, in a

nutshell, is the brief history of the

human mind.

When I look at the world today,

I can’t help but wonder about the

crazy state of a airs. We have

enough resources to end world

hunger and wipe o poverty from

the world. We have a real chance of

lasting peace—survival not being

an issue; we have no reason to � ght

wars. But we are determined to � ght

other humans for some false sense

of supremacy, even it that means

destroying ourselves in the process.

Unless we stop it, it is very likely

that our insane mind energy will

cause us to blow ourselves up.

Can we do something about

it? Yes, we can. The � rst step is to

recognise that we are not the mind.

We need to seize back control from

our mind, which is an amazing

servant but a terrible master. We

need to relegate it to its original

serving position and refuse to

entertain any ideas and thoughts

that lead to separation from fellow

humans and our environment.

Every individual that unplugs

from the dominant mind energy

raises hopes that we will outlast

doomsday predictions. Sure, it’s

not easy but it’s worth the e ort.

And if enough of us successfully

free ourselves from the clutches

of the mind, a shi will take place

in the collective consciousness of

humankind. If that happens, we

will � nally begin to enjoy the real

bene� ts of mind-made advances...

peacefully and happily ever a er.

By Manoj Khatri

RECENTLY STEPHEN HAWKING,

the world’s most famous scientist

alive, made headlines yet again

when he predicted that humans

might destroy planet Earth beyond

repair within the next 100 years.

He mentioned such man-made

problems as nuclear war, climate

change, and genetically engineered

viruses among top possible causes

for our downfall. This is not the � rst

time that the scientist has warned

humanity of causing self-destruction.

Hawking’s prophecy reminded

me of a joke: A man was galloping

away on a horse as if in a great

hurry to reach somewhere. Along

the way, a friend of this man saw

him racing away. Curious, he

shouted, “Where are you going?”

The man on the horse replied, “I

wish I knew! Ask the horse!”

To me, this joke is our story—

the story of humanity. The man

represents the whole humanity and

the wayward horse is the collective

mind energy that is now totally

out of control, taking all of us to

no destination in particular but all

the while pretending to be on an

important assignment.

Hawking’s best-selling book

A Brief History of Time a empts to

explain the origin and evolution of

the universe, the big bang, black

holes, wormholes and other cosmic

ideas. But what explains the history

of the mind? According to me, the

following could very well be a brief

history of the human mind:

At the onset, the mind in humans

evolved as a wonderful instrument

that enabled us to improve our

lives. Unfortunately, along the way

we allowed the mind to become

more important than life itself. Prior

to the birth of mind, we lived in

response to, and harmony with, our

environment. Our problems were

more immediate—like physical

safety from predatory animals,

shelter for protection against harsh

weather and � nding food. As

the mind continued to develop,

we conquered all our survival

problems. Soon, we started using

the mind to further improve our

general conditions. As the mind

helped us take great strides, we

began to trust it more and more


Ah! That feeling of being divinely rejuvenated a er a thoroughly exhausting trek

Meetyourself

TO SUBSCRIBESend ‘CW SUB’ to 07738387787

COMPLETE WELLBEING


Complete Wellbeing 2016-02

Documents

Transcript of Complete Wellbeing 2016-02