Winter Retreat 2007 - Marriage

Topic 1: How to prepare?

Topic 2: Steps in Dating.

Topic 3: Inside Marital Life

Marriage - Statistics1) People are getting married later (29 for men and 27

for women)2) 88% believe there is one soul mate for them.3) 60% of marriages end up in divorce.4) 65% of couples live together before they marry.5) 65% of adultery cases end up in divorce6) 90% believe adultery is wrong7) 67% of 2nd marriages and 73% of 3rd marriages end

up in divorce.8) Porn business is $12 B more than all of football,

baseball and basketball leaves make, and more than NBC, ABC and CBS. Internet porn is $2.5 B.

9) Sex is the #1 topic that is searched.

Preparation

What are we talking about in terms of preparation? Is it,

Finding the “THE” dress The perfect menu The right DJ Flowers, photographer and videographer Important stuff like home & furniture No, seriously, must be the spouse

Preparation

ANSWER None of the above

PreparationMust start with who designed marriage? If I know

who and how, then I will be able to understand how marriage works.

Gen 2:18-25

God wants companionship

God is all about relationships (Noah, Abraham, Moses, David, …)

Love triangle

Preparation

What about sex? Who created sex?

Why?

1) Procreation

2) Intimacy and pleasure

Preparation

Marriage must be Full of Love Primary Exclusive Intimacy Growth Permanent

How to practice Giving, forgiving and sacrificing Making God my #1 (Phil 4:19) Practicing 1 faith Keeping my purity Growing my spiritual life Proper way of dating

Other things to work onPersonalityCommunication

PreparationWomen’s English Yes = No No = Yes Maybe = No I'm sorry = You'll be sorry We need = I want Do what you want = You'll pay for this

later We need to talk = I need to complain Sure go ahead = I don't want you to I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you

moron! This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want

a new house I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your

shoes and find a good game on TV You have to learn to communicate =

Just agree with me Are you listening to me!? = [Too late,

you're dead]

Men’s English

I'm hungry = I'm hungry

I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy

I'm tired = I'm tired

Steps in Dating

Is dating wrong?

Then how do you go about it?

1) Friendship

2) Dating

3) Engagement

4) Marriage

Steps in DatingHow does dating typically work?

What do you think of the results?

What is the flaw?

In dating, can have mistakes, but no undo button in marriage.

Is marriage full of compromises? Is it all 50/50? No, must sacrifice life for spouse.

Must rely on God to give you your spouse. (Mt. 6:33)

Steps in Dating

If you want something that you never had

Then you must do something that you have never done (Rom 12:2)

If I walk in the same steps as the world dates, wouldn’t I end up in the same situation (60% divorce rate).

God wants better for me.

Steps in Dating

How to choose?

A) General Philosophies Same faith (2 Cor 6:14)

Holiness

High expectations (eph 3:20)

Steps in Dating

How to choose?

B) Common mistakes Rush Decision made too young Too eager Unrealistic “I can change him/her” Believe that opposites attract Base decision on emotions

Steps in DatingHow to choose?

C) What to look for1) Spiritual life or Christ centered life

2) Family

3) Intellect

4) Emotional expressions

5) Responsibility & reliability

6) Job stability and career

7) Physical appearance

8) Physical disorders

9) Psycho emotional disorders (depression)

10) Social skills

Steps in DatingHow do I know if it is right?

1) Need guidance of your spiritual father

2) Comfort level of your decision

3) Parental advice

4) Circumstantial evidence (obstacles, door closings, …)

Steps in DatingWhere do I go? How to find?

Must rely on my God, to reveal to me my spouse.

Expose yourself. Church outings, conventions, social outings, …

Inside MarriageWhat is the role of the wife?

First must decide what kind of marriage you want to have.

Traditional

(Husband dictates, does no housework, will not want wife to work)

Untraditional

(Will get involved in housework, doesn’t mind that his wife works)

Inside MarriageWhat is the role of the wife?

Eph 5:22-23 “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church”

1 Cor 11:3 “But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.”

Inside MarriageWhat is the role of the wife?

Unfortunately, society cannot accept these words. Woman’s lib, woman’s rights, women priests. All are equal.

What was Eve’s sin?

Inside MarriageWhat is the role of the wife?

So how does the wife submit?

1) As to the Lord. Cheery & supportive.

2) To husband’s leadership.

3) Christ to the Father.

4) Adopt a servant’s attitude (Jesus washing feet).

5) Not rebellious and “fiery spirit”.

Inside MarriageWhat is the role of the wife?

Other roles

Not: 1) nagging

2) fake

3) seductive

4) harshness

5) weakness

Inside MarriageWhat is the role of the wife?

Other roles

1) Respect husband in all things.

2) Adornment of clothes (1 Pet 3:1-4). Modesty

3) Purity and holiness

4) Gentleness, meekness, calmness, quietness

5) Motherhood

6) Obedience

Inside MarriageWhat is the role of the husband?

Eph 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her”

The primary role for men is LOVE.

This is a lifetime of work and effort and improve.

Love is not a feeling or an emotion. Deliberate effort to do something. It is a decision.

Love is self sacrificing. Daily small things. What do you put in your marriage? What do you give?

Inside MarriageWhat is the role of the husband?

Must look at nourishing and cherishing.

Nourishing: physically, spiritually, emotionally and socially.

Cherishing: caring.

Love is a commitment.

Inside MarriageWhat is the role of the husband?

Another role is to be the leader.

Leader in relationship and pace

Friendship

Courtship

Engagement

Marriage

Kids

(228-0745—call Happy for details)

Leader: in purity in dating and afterwards

Leader: to lead her to Christ.

Inside MarriageDynamics

Set rules:

Spiritual – (which church, service)

Financial – (how you will spend and budget)

Social – (friends, vacations, in-laws)

Career – (masters or work)

Children – (timing, number, contraception)

Intimacy – (companionship, know your spouse’s “love language”.

Inside MarriageCommunication

Clarity – McDonald’s way of communication.

Paraphrasing

Clarifying

Feedback

Listen with empathy and awareness. Total not partial listening.

Fair fighting rules (Christ in midst, right time and place, one item, do not blame, be reasonable in demands and stay calm)

Inside MarriageChurch Laws

Engagement: signed certificate

Marriage: signed agreement, in church, must have witnesses and consent. Must be by recognized priest.

Divorce: death, adultery & other rare exception

Annulment: intentional deceit (diseases, fraud, disorders)

Inside MarriageFinal Words

Phil 4:19 “And my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus”

Ps 37:4 “Delight yourself also in the LORD,     And He shall give you the desires of your heart.”

Eph 3:20 “Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think”

DO NOT SETTLE FOR 2ND BEST.

Prayer Elements

Praise

Thanksgiving

Confession

Our Needs (spiritual, physical, social, …)

Others

Intercessions