TASKS AND FACTORS AFFECTING SATISFACTION

Dating and Marital Success

True or False?

Research suggests that dating experience leads to greater marital success.

FALSE

“Being in love” when you first get married is the greatest predictor of marital success.

TRUE

Greater dating experience may make marital satisfaction harder to achieve because it heightens an individual’s expectations.

TRUE

A Study ...

Psychologist: Martin King Whyte

Hypothesis: dating experiences lead to successful marriages.

Findings: No correlation between dating experience, length of dating, engagement, degree of pre-marital intimacy and marital success.

Couples from Detroit were interviewed.

“Being in Love”

According to Sternberg, couples who are deeply in love:

#1 Strong sexual desire for each other

#2 Knew each other well and enjoyed each other’s company

#3 Made the relationship a priority in their lives

Issues: “The Market Experience”

Shopping for a partner, “test driving” is problematic

In the realm of free-choice mate selection, we have to say “yes” or “no” to one partner at a time.

What if you want to return to an old partner and they’re no longer available?

Greater choices = increased expectations and scrutiny of partners in marriage.

The Role of Negotiation

Romanticizing “the day”, rather than the commitment.

Couples may not realize the shared roles, rules and duties that need to be negotiated in their new life.

Will the new roles be compatible? How can we form a new life together without “ditching” our independent selves?

9 Psychological Tasks

Psychologist: Judith WallersteinOut to determine “what makes marriages

succeed”. The pillars that hold up a marriage.

#1

Separating from your own family, and investing fully in the new one. Redefining the lines of connection to each.

#2

Building togetherness based on mutual identification, shared intimacy and expanded conscience.

#3

Establish a healthy sexual relationship and maintaining it, despite work and family obligations.

#4

(For Couples with Kids)

Take on the daunting roles of parenthood! A baby’s impact is challenging.

#5

Confronting and mastering the inevitable crises of life.

#6

Maintaining the strength of marital bond despite adversity. Marriage as a safe haven.

#7

Use humour and laughter to keep things in perspective and avoid boredom.

#8

Nurture and comfort each other. Offer encouragement and support.

#9

Keep alive the romantic, idealized images of falling in love, even when unpleasant realities hit.

Successful Marriage Scavenger Hunt!!• Choose your partner.• Get a piece of paper & write numbers 1-9.• Can you find and match the “9 Psychological Tasks”?

The 6 R’s of Marriage

Psychologist: Claude Guldner

Influenced by Systems Theory

Aims to summarize the negotiations required in early marriage. What rules, roles and duties need to be discussed?

The 6 R’s – pg 214

#1 Roots

#2 Rhythms

#3 Rules

#4 Roles

#5 Relationships

#6 Rituals

Questions

What is the meaning/definition of your “R”?

How could this “R” present challenges for a newly married couple? What types of challenges?

Can you think of a specific example of a challenge?

How could this challenge be negotiated or resolved?