VERBAL MARTIAL ARTS

EMERGING VICTORIOUS BY NOT

FIGHTINGSherri Durgin-Campbell, MS

WHAT SETS A MARTIAL ARTIST APART FROM A COMMON STREET FIGHTER?

LET’S COMPARE THE LAST CLIP WITH THIS ONE

SO, WHAT IS DIFFERENT?

Physical Training? Mental Training? Intention?

THE MENTAL TRAINING OF MARTIAL ARTISTS IS INTENDED TO HELP THE PARTICIPANTS STAY CALM UNDER STRESS.

The training allows participants to keep the decision portion of their brains engaged and not be overrun by the primitive “Lizard Brain”

THE LIMBIC OR “LIZARD” BRAIN

The limbic system is a set of evolutionarily primitive brain structures located on top of thebrainstem and buried under the cortex. Limbic system structures are involved in many of our emotions and motivations, particularly those that are related to survival. Such emotions include fear, anger, and emotions related to sexual behavior. The limbic system is also involved in feelings of pleasure that are related to our survival, such as those experienced from eating and sex.

THE PRE-FRONTAL CORTEX

The prefrontal cortex (PFC) is located in the very front of the brain, just behind the forehead. In charge of abstract thinking and thought analysis, it is also responsible for regulating behavior. This includes mediating conflicting thoughts, making choices between right and wrong, and predicting the probable outcomes of actions or events. This brain area also governs social control, such as suppressing emotional or sexual urges. Since the prefrontal cortex is the brain center responsible for taking in data through the body's senses and deciding on actions, it is most strongly implicated in human qualities like consciousness, general intelligence, and personality.

DISAGREEMENTS ARE NORMAL

Disagreements are a normal part of living. From the day we are born, our needs and

the needs of others are often in conflict.Sadly, many people have never learned

how to disagree effectively. The skills of conflict engagement are effective and easy to learn.

This training will help you get your needs met while allowing others to win as well.

WHEN SOME ATTACKS US VERBALLY HOW DO WE FEEL?

DID THAT LOOK FAMILIAR? NOW CONSIDER THIS APPROACH

WHAT DOES ALL THIS HAVE TO DO WITH MARTIAL ARTS?

Philosophical- I do not try to destroy my opponent, I try to create change in him. The change may come easily, or it may come with some difficulty.

Martial artists train to keep their emotions in check and to use the momentum of the attacker to their advantage.

TRAINING THE ARTIST TO USE THE PREFRONTAL CORTEX

The training of a martial artist focuses on physical skills and a mental training that allows the practitioner to respond to attacks with choices rather than rage. These choices allow the practitioner to utilize the attacker’s momentum against him. A non-competitive art of self defense and a way to live in harmony with others.

When we chose to be curious and open we allow the momentum of the attack to gain information we can use to understand the other and address the situation in a positive way.

VERBAL MARTIAL ARTS

Verbal Martial Arts is a strategy for defusing anger and getting needs met without resorting to aggression or avoidance.

SEVEN STEPS OF VERBAL MARTIAL ARTS

1. Understand Yourself2. Don’t React. Be Strategic3. Disarm by being Disarming. Listen

with Respect.4. Choose Your Battle.5. Choose Your Battlefield6. Enlighted Assertiveness

UNDERSTAND YOURSELF

When you understand your own Conflict Style you can better withstand attacks. The Quiz I have passed out can help you identify if you have a quick trigger or your an avoider or something in between. Remember the only way to really win a fight is not to have one. Understanding our own triggers helps us avoid getting sucked into the drama.

DON’T REACT BE STRATEGIC.

Curiosity is your best weapon when you are under attack. It will allow you to stay in a neutral space and not spin out of control.

You can’t be mad and curious at the same time.

Seeking more information makes you stronger not weaker.

NEVER ASSUME

When you Assume… you make an ASS out of U & ME

DISARM BY BEING DISARMING

Upon being named Attorney General of the United States by his brother, Robert Kennedy was asked by the Press what made him qualified to be Attorney General.

Kennedy responded.

1. You have to go to a very good school

2. You have to be a very good attorney.

3. You have to have a brother who is president of the United States!

CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES

SIX QUESTION TO ASK

1. Who is in the right? 2. What is the timing of your response? 3. Who will be your allies in a battle?4.   Who are the Stakeholders5. Are you fully aware of the connections,

capabilities, and attitudes of the enemy?

6. How much time and effort will the battle cost? 

CHOOSE YOUR BATTLEFIELD

On December 13, 1862 at Fredericksburg Virginia, Robert E. Lee's Confederate army was positioned behined a stonewall some 3000 strong and were lined up in multiple ranks for about 600 yards and another 3000 were atop the slope behind them with their artillay.Before the battle Lee's artillary commander Edward Porter Alexander assured him "we have that ground so covered that a chicken could not live on that field when we open on it" There were no braver men than the Union soldiers at Fredericksburg. There were 14 charges made against the stonewall, all of which failed, with some 7000 to 8000 casualties (Confederate 1200 casualties). One onlooker wrote " the men charging the stonewall looked like snow falling on the warm ground". General Lee was moved by how brave the Union soldiers were that while watching the battle he said " it is well that war is so terrible, or we would grow so fond of it".On hearing the news of this military desaster Abraham Lincoln said " My god, my god. What will the country say?"

UNION CASUALTIES 8,000 CONFEDERATE CASUALTIES WERE 1200

CHOOSE YOUR BATTLEFIELD

Sometimes stepping back is your strongest move.

You gain perspective, and the opportunity to reengage when it is most productive for you.

You have time to reexamine the facts and your options.

THE SILENT TREATMENT VS COOLING OFF

In relationships, not all silence is the Silent Treatment.  Sometimes, one partner needs more time and space to think than the other partner does.  This is perfectly fine; however, if you are left wondering what your partner’s silence means, then something very important has not been communicated.  You should not have to ask the question, “Am I getting the silent treatment, or is my partner cooling off?”  If you are asking this question, then it is time to work out a new way for you and your partner to communicate.

PIN DOWN A TIME AND PLACE

 Be sure, however, that resolving an issue is not postponed indefinitely. After cooling off, pin down a time and place to continue. For example, after the news goes off and in the living room – not in the bathroom doorway while brushing teeth.

ENLIGHTENED ASSERTIVENESS

By Understanding Needs as well as Positions we can respond to threats appropriately and with empathy as well as strength

VERBAL MARTIAL ARTS HAS MANY SIMILARITIES WITH PHYSICAL MARTIAL ARTS

While it is certainly not useful in a physical

attack, developing verbal skills can spare you the escalation that is all too

common with verbal attacks.

TYPES OF VERBAL ATTACKS

There are basically five types of attacks.1. Name-calling2. Blaming3. Judging and criticizing4. Negative gossip5. Ordering6. Attacks disguised as jokes.

NAME-CALLING

 Name-calling is the most obvious category of verbal attacks. When someone calls you names, he or she is being verbally abusive. Terms of endearment, such as, "sweetie," "dear," and, "pumpkin" said in sarcasm are also verbally abusive.

BLAMING

When you blame others, you give up your power to change.Robert Anthony

JUDGING

 Verbal attacks tend to be critical and judgmental toward their focus. Most "you" statements are critical and judgmental, such as, "You never do anything right," or, "You are so dumb."

JUDGING

CRITICIZING

Verbal attacks may also make critical or judgmental statements about you to others. This is bullying behavior. "She doesn't know whether she is coming or going," and, "She nags too much." Everyone knows he’s lazy.

Ordering: . Verbal abuse disguised as

jokes: Verbal attacks disguised as jokes. "What else can you expect from someone like you?," “You could get lost in the bathroom!," and, "You need a keeper!," are all examples of verbal attacks disguised as jokes

ORDERING

Verbal attacks usually center on immediate compliance with no room for negotiation. The solution of the attacker is considered the best solution

THREATS

Threatening: Verbal attackers use threats t’so control. Threats usually play on the individual biggest fears. Some examples of threats include, "Do what I want or I'll leave," “I will get you fired," or, "I’ll tell everyone your gay."

GOSSIP

HOW HUMANS RESPOND TO VERBAL ATTACKS

Verbal Attacks trigger responses. There are six basic ways that people respond to verbal attacks

All of them are useful depending on the circumstances and strategy. Some are more often useful than others.

FIGHTING BACK

‘You are such an Idiot” “ No I’m not! You are! And so is your whole family”

WITHDRAWAL

“You are such an Idiot!” “Leave me alone, I am out of here! I don’t have to listen to

this”

EXCUSES

“You forgot to pay the cable bill, you jerk” “ No I didn’t. I was busy working.”

DECEPTION

“You bounced a check, stupid.” “No, It’s the bank, they made a mistake.”

DOING NOTHING

You are Stupid No response. The Hairy Eyeball

VERBAL AIKIDO

“You jerk, You bounced a check.” “ I can see you are upset. I know I would feel the same way. “What are we going to do? I am hoping we can figure this out together so it doesn’t happen again. You want me to help you? “Please. I could really use your help.”Ok, let’s work it out.

THE ZEN OF AIKI

This is the big one. Aiki is by far the most useful and effective response to an attack; it creates a win/win situation.

People usually attack because they feel upset. They feel unhappy and attack you to somehow make it better. Every attack is a cry for help. With Aiki, you can give them that help, protect yourself from attack, and improve your interpersonal relationships, all at the same time!

THREE STEPS OF AIKI

1. Receiving the attack with an Inner Calm

2. Accompanying an attack to destabilize.

3. Channeling the attack to a balanced emotional result.

SUMMARY:

Verbal attacks come in many forms.The quicker you can identify the type of attack,

the quicker you can respond appropriately.People react to attacks in different ways and no

way works in all situations. Some methods are effective more often.

We can insert something between an attackand our response that will change our view

points and allow us to change the dialogue in a positive way..