Sands leads the community in pregnancy and infant loss awareness and support.

Cover art donated by Kate Knapp

of twigseeds

November 2008, Issue 268

Topic of the MonthFamily, Friends, Siblings SEE PAGE 7

Dates to Note SEE PAGE 5

Support MeetingsFULL LISTING PAGE 4

Member StorySEE PAGE 9

Memorials SEE PAGE 12Noah GoughCody James Catanzariti Luke James Lachlan HamiltonKeegan Rhys HardyJack Laurence-Owen GoldmanVictoria Margaret RigatoCaitlin Margaret Bartlett

Birth Notice SEE PAGE 17Isabella Iris Mary Ireland

A Lighter MomentSEE Page 20

Sands News

2

Ha�y 2nd Bi�hday Our Darling Victoria Marga"t RigatoWe Miss You and Love You So Much.

God Bless You Our Little Angel In Heaven

Lots Of Love Your Mummy and Daddy.

THE STORY OF SANDS

Sands came into being in 1983 when a small group

of parents gathered in each others lounge rooms to

support one another after they had experienced the

death of their babies. From those humble

beginnings Sands has expanded to a staffed office

with a number of different support services.

Listener Service

Trained volunteer bereaved parents are on call 24/7

to provide a listening ear.

The Sands 1800 number is available for parents who

live outside the Brisbane metropolitan area. The

numbers for listeners can be accessed by calling the

Sands office.

Regional Contacts

Contacts for different areas of Queensland and

Northern New South Wales are in the back of the

newsletter. The contacts may be bereaved parents or

caring health care professionals.

Support Meetings

Parents often find comfort and a feeling of normal-

ity when talking with other bereaved parents. The

shared experience can help to alleviate the sense of

isolation that is sometimes felt by parents.

Library

The Sands library contains a range of books that

cover topics relevant to bereaved parents. A library

catalogue can be obtained by contacting the Sands

office. The books are available by dropping into

the office or they can be mailed out. We ask that if

you are able, to provide stamps when you return

the books if they have been mailed to you.You are

required to become a member to access the library

facilities.

Newsletter

The newsletter is an important communication tool

for parents, families and health care professionals. It

is a forum for support, is printed monthly and

members contributions are very welcome.

Booklets and Pamphlets

A comprehensive range of booklets and pamphlets

are available relating to all facets of grief and loss

relating to the death of a baby. They are relevant to

parents, families, friends and health care

professionals.

Web site

The Sands web site is an electronic means of

providing and obtaining support. The information is

available 24/7 and bereaved parents can contact the

Sands office from the web site.

Email Support

Some parents may find ringing a support person or

attending a support meeting very confronting and the

anonymity of email can be a useful to obtain support

and information.

Sands Membership

All parents who contact Sands will receive three

complimentary issues of the newsletter after which

a letter will be sent offering membership. Yearly

membership is $30 but in case of financial difficulty,

a smaller membership fee will be acceptable. When

membership falls due, a reminder will be sent. A

membership form is included in the newsletter.

There are two classifications of membership:

Ordinary: includes bereaved parents and families

Associate: non-bereaved people including

professional and community individuals who have

an interest in Sands.

Sands Logo

The Jigsaw Baby is the Sands Logo. It represents

the struggle parents and families have fitting the

pieces of their lives together again – one piece is

always missing.

Newsletter Sponsorship

Sands News

3

A note from the coordinator

Hello Everyone,

This newsletter is the second last edition before the end of the year. I am not quite sure where

October went! By the time this newsletter is in your hands I will be in Norway attending the

International Stillbirth Alliance Conference.

I submitted two abstracts for the conference – Grief in the Workplace and Support Groups –

what role do they have in supporting parents. Both of the abstracts were accepted and I am

now in the process of finalising the presentations. As chair of the Parent Advisory Committee

of ISA, I also submitted an abstract on a project that the PAC has been working on this year.

The project is called Questions and is broken into three segments – before and during a first or

low risk pregnancy, after a stillbirth and before and during a subsequent pregnancy. Ultimately

the Questions will be available on the ISA website for all parents to access.

The next ISA conference is to be held in South Africa in March 2009 and the really exciting

news is that the conference in 2010 will be held in Australia. The venue and time for the 2010

conference is still under discussion but will have been decided by the time the December/

January newsletter is printed.

We welcome Nicky back to the office after a wonderful trip overseas. Nicky will sadly be leaving

Sands at the end of the year to be able to put more time into her study. Nicky has contributed

to the running of the Sands office in a big way and I always had confidence knowing that the

office was in good hands when I have been out of the office.

If this is the first newsletter you have received we welcome you to the Sands club – the club

to which no one wants to belong. Membership costs for this club are the highest people could

imagine. I can recall talking to someone who asked me about Sands and what did I have to do

to become a member. What sort of response do you have to a question like that?

Sands provides a number of support services for bereaved parents including library facilities,

listeners on 24 hour call, support meetings, email support and a web site. If you have any

questions or queries regarding support services please contact the office.

Until next time take care,

Liz

Suppor t Meetings

4

Coffee Mornings 10am – 12pm

Ayr

Burdekin Neighbour Centre

40 Chippendale Street Ayr

2nd Wednesday monthly

12th November 2008

Julianne 4783 2885

Brisbane

(SANDS House) 505 Bowen Tce, New Farm

Ph 3254 3422

Tuesday 11th November 2008

Atherton Tableland

Ph Jill 4097 7223

Cairns

TBA

Glasshouse Mountains

Ph Tracey 5493 0172

Gympie

Gympie and District Womens Health Centre

10 Lawrence Street Gympie (07 54836588.)

Ph Nikki 5483 3918

1st Thursday monthly 6th November 2008

4th December 2008

Ipswich/Brown’s Plains/Pullenvale

Ph Chris 5465 8800/0439 743 447

Lismore

Ph Kelli (02) 6625 1714

Mackay

Ph Julie 4959 3781

Mackay Women’s Health Centre

Last Thursday Monthly 27th November 2008

Nambour

Ph Emma 5441 4576/0437 700 021

Narangba/Burpengary

Friday 17th October 2008

Melissa 3882 3513

Townsville

9.00am – 11.00am

Ph Tammy 0414 874 380

Monday 17th November 2008

Toowoomba

9.30 am The Coffee House, Hume Street

Ph Anna 4659 7511

Monday 10th November 2008

Night Support 7.30pm - 9.30pm

Brisbane

(SANDS House) 505 Bowen Tce, New Farm

Ph 3254 3422

Wednesday 29th October 2008

Gold Coast

Bonnie Babes (From 7pm)

Ph Deb 5598 1147

Townsville

Ph Marie 4775 5957 (w) 4774 6521 (a/h)

Second Tuesday Monthly 11th November 2008

SUPPORT MEETINGS

Support meetings – coffee mornings, afternoons and

night support meetings that are held at the Sands

office and other locations around Brisbane and

Queensland are casual gatherings of parents who

share the common experience of the death of a baby.

Some parents may initially find the thought of

attending a support meeting to be quite daunting;

however many members have gained a great deal of

support from the support meetings.

All family members, including children are welcome

at support meetings so you may find parents with

new babies or toddlers at the support meetings.

Please contact the host listed for details of where the

support meeting is to be held. You are welcome to

bring a plate of comfort food to share.

Sands News

5

DIARY DATES FOR 2008 and

2009

NOVEMBER

Wednesday 5th - International Stillbirth Alliance Friday 7th Conference, Norway

Tuesday 11th Coffee morning

Postponed TBA Subsequent pregnancy evening

Wednesday 26th Night Support

Thursday 27th Newsletter production and Volunteers thank you lunch

DECEMBER

Tuesday 2nd Coffee morning

Sunday 7th Christmas memorial service

Thursday 18th Night Support meeting

Friday 19th SANDS office closed

Christmas/New Year break

Reopening Monday 19th January 2009

JANUARY 2009

Monday 19th Sands office reopens

Wednesday 28th Night Support meeting

Thursday 29th Newsletter production

FEBRUARY 2009

Tuesday 3rd Coffee Morning

Wednesday 25 Night Support

Thursday 26th Newsletter Production

MARCH 2009

Friday 6th ISA conference South Africa

Friday 14th Approximate dates

APRIL2009

Sunday 19th PSANZ conference Darwin

Thursday 23rd

MAY 2009

JUNE 2009

JULY 2009

Friday – Sunday 3,4,5, Baby Expo

AUGUST 2009

Sands NZ conference

SEPTEMBER 2009

OCTOBER 2009

Thursday 15th IPIL Day

NOVEMBER 2009

DECEMBER 2009

Friday 18th Office closes for Christmas and

New Year

Contributions to the Newsletter

Members contributions to the newsletter are always

welcome. If you have found a good website,

article from a newspaper or magazine or have writ-

ten something yourself you are invited to submit

these to the newsletter.

The most comfort that parents find is from the

experiences of other bereaved parents. Writing the

story of your experince may assist you in your grief

journey and also comfort others.

DECEMBER JANUARY NEWSLETTER

Memorials, birth notices and articles for the

combined newsletter need to be into the Sands office

by NOVEMBER 15TH.

LUNCH IS ON US!!An invitation is extended to all volunteers to come to

a special lunch on Thursday 27th November at

12.30pm.

If you have folded a brochure, taken a support call,

been on a committee, labeled a newsletter.....please

come so we can say thank you, lovely, wonderful,

gratis.

Please RSVP to the Sands office by Monday 24th

November 2008.

Topic of the Month

6

FAMILY AND FRIENDS

The topic for the newsletter this month is

Family and Friends. There are two aspects to this

topic – support for family including surviving

siblings and the support we may like to receive from

our extended family and circle of friends.

Many of us would be familiar with the quote

‘fair weathered friend’. Unfortunately at the time of

great crisis in our lives we often find that those we

held close and thought would be a great support did

not have the inner strength to provide that support.

These people become our fair weathered friends and

surprisingly may reappear in our lives when they

think enough time has passed since the death of your

baby and you would probably have ‘gotten over it’

and wouldn’t mention ‘it’ to them.

Most people are kind hearted – people

generally mean well and don’t mean to cause

bereaved parents distress. Bereaved parents who

struggle with their own grief issues may find

themselves in the position of having to educate their

family and friends on the right and wrong ways of

providing support. Sands has produced a brochure

to assist parents in this task – they can simply hand

the brochure to the relevant person and hope that

the friend or family member take the suggestions on

board.

Many people would like to be able to support

bereaved parents appropriately – they may just lack

the skills to do so. People can also be very

uncomfortable with silence and tears and may be

confronted with both when speaking to parents.

This can often be when clichés are dragged out of

the bottom of the bin and spoken. Clichés such as

‘don’t worry you can have another one’, ‘It was lucky

you didn’t get to know the baby’; ‘There probably

would have been something wrong with it anyway.’

And so on and so on. Simply saying ‘I am so sorry

to hear about your baby’, or ‘I am so sorry and I

don’t know what to say to you’ will be sufficient.

Sitting in silence and being with a bereaved

parent can take quite a lot of courage for the

non-bereaved, particularly if they have never had an

experience of personal bereavement. This skill is

not confined to the older person; some very young

people have developed life skills that far surpass

those of their elders. Your friends may wonder when

your old self will reappear – when will you go back

to being normal. You may have to tell them that you

will create a new and different normal and normal is

just a setting on your dryer anyway.

One part of the family group that may miss

appropriate support is surviving siblings. In the

turmoil after the death of a baby, the siblings may be

left out of the inner circle. Many people may

consider that children are just small adults, or they

have no real feelings. The opposite is actually

correct. Children are very different to adults –

children of different ages and mental development

will respond very differently to the death of their

sibling. Some may consider that children are almost

a species of their own. Even very young children,

toddlers will sense that something is wrong with

their family unit – mummy is crying or absent,

daddy looks worried and gets cross. Children may

respond by becoming clingy, doing things they

normally wouldn’t, their behaviour may regress.

Young children may start wetting themselves when

they have been toilet trained for some time, other

children may act like a baby – make baby sounds,

demand to be carried around. All these behaviours

are normal – it is part of the child’s way of making

sense of what has happened in his or her world.

Some children may be worried that they have

caused the baby to die. They may think that because

they were a bit rough sitting on mummy’s lap or

even wishing the baby wasn’t going to come may

have caused the death of their baby sibling. Children

will need a great deal of reassurance at this time.

Topic of the Month

7

FAMILY AND FRIEDS continued

Parents may worry about what to tell their

surviving children and how much involvement the

children should have in the time after the death of

the baby. If children are given age appropriate and

maturity appropriate explanations they will most

likely manage quite well. It is perfectly fine to use

terms such as dead, died, dying. Children may not

understand terms such as passed, passed away.

Explanations such as went to heaven, God came

down and took him, went to sleep, may frighten

them to the point that they think the same will

happen to them.

It is important that whatever you tell your

children, the same is told by your family and friends.

Children need to hear one consistent message. If

your children go to school or day care their carers

will need to know what to say to them.

Including surviving children in photographs

and filming can be an important part of building a

bank of family memories. It is important to give

children accurate information about their deceased

brother or sister; explaining that the baby will feel

cold, won’t move, open his or her eyes. Including

children may be of benefit many years later when

the child’s psyche is developing and they revisit this

experience.

Children may benefit from being involved

in the funeral or memorial arrangements. Being left

out may make them feel that they have done

something wrong or that they are not part of the

family. It is very common to see children attend

funerals – thirty or forty years ago the situation was

quite

different.

I once heard that friendship can have a use by

date. You many find that many of your relationships

both with family and friends may change and new

relationships forged. Nuturing yourself and your

immediate family is your number one priority - your

family and friends may have to find a new

understanding of who you are now.

Resources that may be valuable

Books for family and friends -

‘Healing a Child’s Grieving Heart” A D Wolfelt

‘Healing a Friend’s Grieving Heart’ AD Wolfelt

‘Healing Conversations - What to say when you

don’t know what to say.’ N Guilmartin

‘Grandparents Cry Twice’ ML Reed

‘I Never Know What to Say’ H Donnelley

‘A Grandparents Sorrow’ P Schwiebert

‘What’s Dead Mean?’ D Zagdanski

‘We were gonna have a baby but we had an angel

instead’ P Schwiebert

‘No New Baby’ M Gryte

Sands has a number of films that bereaved parents

may encourage their family and friends to watch.

‘The Story of Daniel’

‘Losing Layla”

Both of these films are wonderfully and sensitively

produced. Some people may find them confronting.

Sands News

8

SANDS Victoria is proud to announce the

publication of our new book titled

‘Our Babies Have Died’

Three years in the making, Our Babies Have Died

originated from the idea of having a collection of

stories written by bereaved parents for bereaved

parents. The stories contained within Our Babies

Have Died demonstrate the depth of emotion

experienced following the death of a baby, but

perhaps more importantly, they demonstrate that

there is no typecast for how one should feel after the

death of a baby. Everyone is different and everyone’s

reaction, response and ability to deal with different

scenarios will be different.

It is the hope that Our Babies Have Died may help

other parents, their family and friends by sharing

stories of the loss of a baby or babies and confirm

the experiences endured after the death of a baby are

often common amongst other bereaved parents.

SANDS CHRISTMAS MEMORIAL SERVICE

Sunday 7th December 2008

2.30pm for a 3.00pm start

Merthyr Uniting Church

52 Merthyr Road New Farm

The Sands tradition is to provide a gift to place under the tree for a child the same age as your baby. The gifts

are donated to a charity for distribution to children in need. You may also bring along a Christmas decoration

to place on the tree while the service is being conducted.

Both of these traditions are optional.

Parents contributions are welcome – if you have written a poem or have a reading of meaning, you are invited

to share this with other members.

After the service, afternoon tea will be shared. You are invited to bring along some comfort food to share.

Tea, coffee and cordial will be provided.

We would like to thank SANDS SA and Sands

Queensland for the support received at the beginning

of this project with distributing the call for stories,

which has resulted in several contributions from

families outside Victoria.

The book will be available at bookstores, via the

SANDS (Vic) office on (03) 9899 0217 or on-line

at www.sandsvic.org.au for $24.95. We hope the

book will be a great success and become a valuable

resource for bereaved parents, their families and

friends.

Member Stor y

9

A MOTHERS, A GRANDMOTHER’S PAINCody James Catanzariti-27 November, 2007

I have read many heartfelt stories in the

SANDS monthly newsletter publication. And my

heart goes out to all who have lost a precious little

one. I have a need to share my story.

It starts 35 years ago on the 12th June 1973

with the birth of my beautiful girl, Catherine. She

was and still is an exceptionally beautiful girl. She is

loving and caring of others and always puts her

family first. Cate as she likes to be called moved

with her partner Shanyn over 4 years ago to

Townsville which has been very hard for me as the

distance is so great. But along came the Webcam

which has saved my life as I get to see my beautiful

daughter and her son (Logan) everyday.

We were so happy to hear the news from

Cate about her second pregnancy. Wow! Another

grandchild for us. All was going well then one day

I was driving to a meeting and Cate rang me very

distressed with the news that all was not well with

our tiny little baby she was carrying inside of her.

I told myself “I must go to her” But what about my

husband? Both of us could not go. He had to stay

and carry the business on. It broke my heart to leave

my darling husband behind, it was almost too much

to bear. He insisted I go straight away, so as soon as

I could I flew up to be with her. I could see the pain

and anguish on both of their faces. I did what I could

to support them both. Somehow it never seemed

enough to me. I was angry. Why was this

happening?, I should be able to protect my little girl

from all of this pain.

Worst of all was the thought of losing our

grandson (as by now we knew the sex). A Nightmare

is the only word I have that can describe what Cate

and her partner were going through. The day came

for Cody to come into this world and we had all

spoken at length; Cate and Shanyn were beside

themselves with guilt and pain. They asked if I could

hold Cody after he was born as they could not bear

the pain, they were in a terrible fog and they had no

way out. I felt so honoured and privileged to be the

one. But also so frightened. What if I could not do

this for them? I did not want to let them down.

Cate’s labour was awful it nearly killed me

to see her in so much pain. I was screaming inside

my head. She was so brave I don’t know how she

got through it. The strangest thing was that

during the actual labour I myself had so much pain

through my body that I could hardly stand up, it

was as if I was sharing Cate’s pain through this

very difficult and painful labour. And strangely at

the moment of Cody’s birth the pain left my body -

how strange. But it then entered my heart.

My beautiful girl had just given birth to

their son Cody James, but what should have been

a beautiful thing was not...Cate and Shanyn went

back into the room alone and I stayed in the other

room with Cody. Then when I saw Cody my heart

nearly exploded, I could not breathe, I had pains in

my chest, but then something came over me, I

cannot explain what. I told myself that not only

had Cody chosen Cate and Shanyn to be his

parents but he had also chosen me to be his Nonna.

The midwife, (who was a beautiful kind

person) and I, dressed Cody in a beautiful

handmade precious white gown with a tiny Lady

Bird on it. I then wrapped Cody in some bunny

rugs and put a tiny little handmade bonnet on his

precious head. A beautiful handmade quilt was

then cradled around his tiny body. He looked so

beautiful. I was then left alone with my grandson.

I placed my finger on his tiny little heart which

was faintly beating. I felt Cate and Shanyn’s arms

cradling me as I held Cody.

Sands News

10

A MOTHERS, A GRANDMOTHER’S PAIN.....

So I spoke quietly to him and told him all

about his Mum, Dad, Nonno, Uncle and his

cousins. I tried to fit so much into the small amount

of time I had. I sang to him all the favourite songs I

have sung to all of my grandchildren and told him

stories of what his mum was like as a little girl.

I told him what I knew about his dad. I told him

about his Nonno and how much he loved him and

would miss forever not having him in his life. I told

him so many times how much we all love him and I

told him we will never let him go. He will be in our

hearts forever.

Then just a brief 40 mins after he came into

this world he left it and I watched as his tiny little

spirit flew. He left me there sobbing with so much

pain in my heart for the grandchild I will never see

run or play in my back yard with his parents, or run

to me and give me a hug and say Nonna I love you.

My heart broke in two at that moment. You know,

I will never be the same again. This has changed

my life forever.

I then went straight to the lovely room

where my beautiful girl and Shanyn were and told

them all about their son Cody. I told them how

precious his fingers and toes were, about his

beautiful nose and yes also that he had all the

correct private bits! We held each other and just

cried. My beautiful girl’s heart was broken. In time

it will heal as will mine but a piece will always be

missing.

I went outside and rang my husband from

the garden in the hospital, the poor darling man

felt his heart break. He flew up every weekend to

be with his precious daughter. It was so hard for

him and it is different for a male you know. The

last time he had spent a weeked with Cate she was

pregnant with Cody and when he returned Cate was

no longer pregnant and Cody’s spirit had flown. He

was so brave but I could see the pain in his eyes.

My son stayed with his dad to comfort him, as I

was not there.

I then went home to Cate and Shanyn’s house

to look after my precious little grandson Logan

(Cody’s big brother). I told Logan all about his little

baby brother, hugged him and cried. The next

morning bright and early I took Logan to the

hospital to be with his mum and dad as they all

needed to be with each other. It was so hard for my

beautiful daughter to go home that day, as the day

before she had come to this hospital pregnant and

today she was going home not pregnant and without

her baby. She is so brave.

We had a beautiful Celebration of Life for

Cody in the backyard of Cate and Shanyn’s home.

We let 21 Blue Balloons (symbolizing his 21 weeks)

fly off into the sky and planted a special garden. And

everyone said goodbye, well that is except for myself

and I know Cate didn’t either. I am keeping him I

told her and she

expressed the same.

Cate and Logan came home with me to Grif-

fith for a few weeks as I could not leave her behind.

Sometimes you just need your mum and your dad

.Shanyn was wonderful he wanted Cate to be with

us. He stayed and worked till a week before Christ-

mas and then came home to be with his little family.

They are back in Townsville now, in their

own home tending to Cody’s beautiful

garden and playing with Logan. Working,

grieving and going on with life as best they can.

Some days are good and some days are very diffi-

cult, but they are doing it together with their sons.

Member Stor y

11

Pearl of Wisdom

Just as a drop of water causes ripples in a

pond,

So a thought dropped into the pool of

consciousness

Can cause ever-expanding ripples in the

universal human mind

(Jean Richards)

Talking Point

How do bereaved parents encouage family and friends to talk about the experience of the death of their baby? Are family and friends open to talking about your baby months and even years later?

Now when I see people in my hometown

and they ask “How many grandchildren do you

have?” I say six, most people don’t say anything as

they don’t know how to handle it. I have one friend

who says “I should get over “IT” and move on”.

Well that makes me very sad as I will never get

over “IT”(losing my tiny little grandson). Cody will

be FOREVER in our hearts and in our lives.

Sometimes when I think of what we all

went through I cannot believe that it really

happened, but my heart tells me a different story. I

too have footprints on my heart.. Grandparents are

first and foremost parents then they are grandpar-

ents. And then there is this unwritten law instilled

in us that at all costs we must protect our children

and our grandchildren.

But when it all comes down to it, all we

can do is love them. A beautiful lady told me that

grandparent’s cry twice, once for their grandchild

and the second time for their own child. And that is

so true.

I now have a beautiful hand drawn portrait

of Cody hanging on the wall with all of my other

grandchildren. I talk to him every day and it gives

my husband and me some peace.

I still have my Webcam and I see and speak

with my daughter and precious little grandson

Logan every day. That too gives me peace. Cate

and I have a bond that can never be broken. I am

very lucky to have such a beautiful, caring

daughter like her.

Raelene King

GRIFFITH NSW

Memoria ls

12

Jack Laurence-Owen Goldman14th November 200733 weeks gestation

To our darling little boy and brother Jack,

Happy first birthday! There is not a day that goes by that we don’t think of you and wish so much that you could be with us. Even though you are not with us, you have taught us so much about living. We are expecting your little brother in January and know that you watch over him for us. You will always be his big brother and Maggie’s little brother. You have enriched our lives so greatly just by spending your short lifetime with us. We will love you always.

Love always,

Mummy, Daddy & Maggie

Caitlin Marga�t Bartlett Born Sti� Saturday 25th Novem�r, 2000 Dear Caitlin,

You have been in my thoughts a lot lately as I see the remarkable similarities between your features and that of your new sister.

But it always makes me smile.

Happy birthday darling child.

Love Mum xxx

Memoria ls

13

What could have been

You could have been famous,

A doctor or an Olympian

But it’ll never come to be,

And never again will we look in your eyes

We put you both down to sleep

And little did we know

Our dreams for you would be broken

And your future taken

Another day passes

And still we’ll never know

We’ll never really know what happened

Or why you couldn’t stay

We’ll never really understand

How a child could be taken away

The world gets older

But you are still a baby

And we sit and talk and cry

Of the things you’ll never do

You’ll never ride a bike with no training wheels

Or catch a bus with your school mates

All we have are our deep memories

We’ve lost a precious jewel

You’ll never play on the soccer team

Never steal a first kiss

Every day we think of all of the

Wonderful things you’ll miss

You’ll never go to school

Never walk down the aisle

Never know the joys of parenthood

Another day passes…

And still we’ll never know why

Taken too soon, our shining star

Love Mummy and Daddy

Keegan Rhys Hardy

28/11/02-09/02/03

With all our love

Mummy, Daddy, Lincoln,

Bayden (twin brother), Emersen

An Angel Hug

Angels are ever all around us

And with love they do surround us.

When my heart is sore in need,

The Angels come my soul to feed.

They come to me from up above

and sing in whispers of Love.

When in my heart I feel a tug

I know that it's an Angels' hug.

(Author unknown)

Memoria ls

14

Luke James Lachlan Hamilton

02-11-02

Born Silently

Happy 6th Birthday to our beautiful baby boy Luke

There is not a day that goes by when you are not in our thoughts and loved so dearly

I sit here and wonder what it would have been like having you here with us, as your little brothers play

together, (fight together) and think how much they are missing out on not having you here with them

You would have been in prep this year, how exciting that would have been. I miss the conversations, the

games, we would be having by now, but most of all I miss you so much

All of this and so much more has been taken from us. We miss you every day and wonder what you would

have been like at the age of 6. You will always be our first born son.

You have a new baby brother Ethan and he will grow up knowing about his big brother Luke in heaven who

will always be smiling down on him.

Our little angel in Heaven, you were born too perfect and God wanted you back.

Happy 6th birthday baby boy.

You are always in our thoughts and forever in our hearts.

Mummy and Daddy

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Luke James Lachlan Hamilton

Happy 6th birthday

We know that you are looking down upon us with smiles

Love from your baby brothers

Matthew, Jack & Ethan

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Memoria ls

15

To My Little Brother Cody.

* Born 26 Nov 2007

On this day two months ago

I turned the big number “2”,

And on my cake were two candles

one for me and one just for you.

There were lots of balloons at my party

yellow, green, blue and red,

And when I woke up this morning from my sleep

there was another balloon on my bed.

Mummy and daddy were a little bit upset

and I really didn’t know why,

so we went outside with the balloon

and let it go up into the sky.

Mummy said we love you Cody

and daddy said we miss you so,

we think about you everyday

and wished you didn’t have to go.

I really wanted to get you a present

to show you how much I care,

so my gift to you is a great big kiss

I blew up into the air.

Happy 1st Birthday little brother

with lots of love and lots of pride,

I know I will never walk alone

For you will always be at my side.

Logan XOX

Happy 1st Birthday

Our beautiful baby Cody

We hope you like your balloons that we are sending

up to you

We know you watch over us every minute of the day

Thank you for sending us your new little sister

or brother and for keeping him/her safe in

Mummy’s belly.

All our love now and forever

Mummy & Daddy

CODY JAMES CATANZARITI

Ours is a love that can not be testedOurs is a bond that can never be broken

Ours is a flame that will never go outOurs is a heart that will beat on forever

My beautiful baby Cody Love always from your Mummy

IN LOVING MEMORY OF OUR

NEPHEW AND COUSIN

CODY JAMES CATANZARITI

26-11-2007

HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY LITTLE MAN

LOVE

UNKY MARK, MELISSA,

YOUR COUSINS CHYNNHA, MADDISEN,

BILLIE AND KYAN

Memoria ls

16

OUR BABY VICTORIA BORN 16TH OFNOVEMBER 2008

My quiet child our precious baby,

Close to my heart

I’ll keep you with me.

An important job

God has for you,

There is love to give,

and work to do.

He needs an angel

strong but small,

To shine light on many

and give love to all.

Before you left

I gave you this,

all my heart

and one last kiss.

We’ll miss you dearly

that we know,

But by God you were

chosen,

So to heaven, you must go

My beautiful sweet Victoria

Where has the time gone? Two years

have flown past!

The pain is so deep, I still miss you

like it was yesterday

I know that God is looking after you,

and you are looking after us.

We will be together one day, but until

then, my sweetheart, walk by our

side.

Your Mummy and Daddy love you so

much and we are always thinking of

you.

Our Special Daughter…Victoria.

We grieve for those that have lived but tragically are no

longer with us.

Even for those that have lived a fortunate life

But you never even had the chance to experience life,

to learn, to grow, to love.

And this is the greatest heartbreak of all

The greatest tragedy

You life taken away, stolen

Your name will live forever

Noah

Love always Dad

To my darling little Noah,

I miss you more than i can express and think of you so

much.

Its hard to believe its been one year since I held you in

my arms.

You will always be my first son, my precious boy.

Love and kisses Mama

Noah I really love you, I hope you can hear me

because of course this is true.

Noah I just want to tell you that I love you and I

always will.

I saw you grow up in my mummy’s tummy.

I guess you were just not ready.

Everyday I will come and talk to you. Even bring a

secret or two.

We made you a beautiful garden so you can rest.

We gave you your name because it means ‘peaceful

and restful”

I’ll remember the perfect name for my little brother

Noah.

Noah I really do love you. Happy 1st Birthday

Your big sister Luka xxoox

NOAH GOUGH 3 November 2007

Sands News

17

DONATIONS HAVE BEEN RECEIVED

FROM

Ernst and Young

and

BHP Billiton

Please give them a big round of applause!!

BIRTH NOTICE

Richard and Nicole Ireland are thrilled and relieved

to announce the safe arrival of our adorable baby

girl

Isa�lla Iris Mary. Born 22nd September 2008.

Little sister to angel brother Nicholas who is sadly

missed at this time and always.

DONATIONS HAVE BEEN MADE IN

MEMORY OF

Cooper Mark Delle Baite 20-06-2008

CODYAMES CATANZARITI 29-11-2007

Eoghan Cummins

and his baby sister

Ke! y CumminsAlana MaryB#nds

28/05/2008 Flynn Nicholas Barker

Our Tiny Angel

I may never know the reason why, you aren’t here

with me

Why you were taken away from us, so very hastily

What ailed your descent ion from the

Heaven’s Up Above?

When so many were waiting for Our Angel, to Love.

Perhaps there is a greater plan that we can’t see right

now,

But Mummy and Daddy have a message that they

must get through somehow.

We love you tiny angel, although we never met,

You are in our hearts and in our soles and we will

never forget.

A tiny life that was so short, you never got a chance,

To see a sunset, smell a flower or dance a joyous

dance,

We never got to see your face or hold your tiny hand,

We know God has a bigger plan, We just don’t

understand.

We must go forward with our lives, but we will

never forget,

Our Tiny Angel that lives above that we have never

met.

Hopefully, one day, when it is our turn to go,

We will meet you face to face and we will surely

know....

Your little face and tiny hand- We’ll see you right

away,

For you may not be here with us, but in our hearts

you’ll stay.

So, until we meet again one day, we’ll send you all

our love,

Please hear our prayer and know we care,

Our Angel up above.

(Anonymous)

Sands News

18

ISA CONFERENCE 2009

DRAKENSBERG SOUTH AFRICA

The setting for the 2009 conference is a wonderful part of South Africa. Sands International (UK, Australia

and New Zealand) will be organising the bereavement section of the conference.

Over the past 20 to 30 years many people have migrated from Africa to Australia and New Zealand. We

would be very interested in any contacts you may have in Africa, particularly South Africa. Sands is keen to

help connect people and to form support groups for families who have experienced the death of their baby.

If you have any contacts – family, friends, health care professionals, please contact the office so we can discuss

how best to facilitate this new development.

Northside Scrapbooking and

Card Making Day !

Saturday, 28th February 2009

9am – 5pm

Venue : Lawton Community Centre

Cost : $15 full day

$10 morning/afternoon session

Morning/ afternoon tea supplied

Make and Takes, Lucky door prizes and raffles

Sponsored by Assential Scrapbooking

Kurwongbah 0401997336

Madonna Dunn

Independent Stampin’ up Demonstrator

For Tickets and enquiries phone

Kaylene

54324200 0414824496

Linda 38867743

Townsville Walk to Remember

Many thanks to the following people who helped

make the Townsville Walk to Remember the success

it was

Lions’s Club $500

David May

John and Janice Palmer

Linda Buck

Delia Wootton

The Kelly Family Discretionary Trust

A big thank you to Marie and Bob Deuble and staff

who have for many years provided bereaved parents

in the Townsville area with much needed support.

SANDS CHRISTMAS RAFFLEIncluded in this newsletter will be a book of raffle

tickets. To date we have as part of the prize pack donations from various businesses. The donations include -

accommodation pack from Royal on the Park, Brisbane, two hairdressing vouchers from

Stefan, hairdressing voucher from b Hair Bulima, voucher for admittance to Alma Park Zoo, Car Hire vouch-

er from Cruz, pamper products, wine.

We would appreciate the donations of any Christmas goodies - wine, chocolates, biscuits etc. Donations can be

dropped into the Sands office or if they are not too heavy they can be mailed to PO Box 934 New Farm.

If you would like to sell more than one book of tickets please phone the office and we will arrange for futher

tickets to go to you.

Sands News

19

CHRISTMAS MEMORIAL SERVICE

FOR BABIES

Saturday 29 November at 6 pm

Anderson Park, Pimlico

at the Thomas Street entrance.

For Families and for Anyone affected by the death of a baby through miscarriage, interruption of pregnancy

for abnormalities, stillbirth, neonatal death and other reproductive losses.

SANDS Townsville Region & SIDS & Kids Qld in co-operation with

The Townsville Health Service District and Mater Hospitals.

Some people come into our lives

Make footprints on our hearts

And we are never the same

Please contact

SANDS Townsville Region

on 4775 5957 or

marie@sandstownsville.org

HAS YOUR PRIVACY BEEN RESPECTED?

SANDS Australia is very keen to look into a matter that has arisen on several occasions around the vulnerable

time of experiencing the death of a baby.

When paying bills and claiming from Medicare, there have been several occasions where great embarrassment

and explanations have occurred as a result of details on our medical bills or receipts.

Why does the description of procedures need to be written on the bill or receipt when the code is there any-

way? These are the type of questions we would like to put to the relevant people and see whether we have

strength but evidence also, to explain why this needs to change.

Do they really need to see ‘Vaginal biopsy’ , ‘Dilatation & curettage’ ……

Experience - claiming back on an ultrasound that confirmed a definite loss – lady in Medicare comments “so

there’s soon to be a baby Weaver?” and with some surprise asked her to repeat what she asked but then had

to respond saying “no there’s not”. She was confused then and I had to repeat myself twice, get teary and she

then worked out something had gone wrong! If anything was learnt from that, I hope that lady knows not to

enquire into patients business.

If you have had any experiences good or bad such as the above we would be interested in hearing from you.

You can contact the office by mail – PO Box 934 New Farm 4005 or email sandsqld@powerup.com.au.

A Lighter Moment

20

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

Dr. Phil…

The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realise that he must first deal with the problem on ‘THIS’

side of the road before it goes after the problem on the ‘OTHER SIDE’ of the road. What we need to do is help

him realise how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his ‘CURRENT’ problems before adding ‘NEW’ problems.

Oprah…

Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So

instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls which is a part of life, I’m going to give this

chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

George W. Bush…

We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the

road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

Colin Powell…

Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of a chicken crossing the road…

Dr Seuss…

Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?

Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.

Ernest Hemingway…

To die in the rain. Alone.

Grandpa…

In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and

that was good enough.

John Lennon…

Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing the roads together, in peace.

Aristotle…

It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

Bill Gates…

I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important

documents, and balance your chick book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new platform

is much more stable and will never cra…#$(*&*&%##....eboot.

Albert Einstein…

Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

Colonel Sanders…

Did I miss one?

Making Memories

21

Creating meaningful memoriesWhen parents experience the death of their baby they can sometimes be at a loss to know how to create memories of their baby or even the need to do so. Depending on the circumstances of thedeath of your baby some of the following may be appropriate for you.

Portrait - Artists are available to create a portrait of your baby from a photo. Many parents feel comforted by having a portrait hanging in their home. Sue Fernandez 02 6458 4227 Rachel Wybrew 07 5596 5654 Ribbon heart - The ribbon heart wall hanging is a memory creation idea that parents whose baby has died at any gestion can use. Ribbons are available from the office. A photo of your ribbon on the wall haning is available also. Flowers - Each month of the year has a designated flower. Some parents may plant seedlings for the month in which their baby died. If you are not a confident gardener perhaps you would prefer to purchase a photo of the flower or have one embroidered. A comprehensive list is available from the office.

Hand & Foot prints Your babys hand and foot prints can be stamped in ink at the hospital and you may also like to have an impression done in silver to enable you to create a piece of jewellery that can be worn. You might also like to have the hand and foot prints embroidered onto material and then framed.

Photography Photos and video footage can form a lasting and beautiful memory of your baby. Professional photographers can come to the hospital, your home or funeral home to take photos of your baby. You may have friends who may be able to take the photos also.

If you would like further details of anymemory creation ideas you might like to visit the office or ring to find you what else may be available.

Memorial Ser vices

22

Many hospitals throughout Queensland hold non-denominational

memorial services in memory of all babies born before 20 weeks gesta-

tion. Parents, families, friends and staff are welcome to these services.

Your baby does not have to have died at the hospital where the service

is being held. Parents, families and friends of babies who died at any

gestation many years ago, before assistance was given with creating

memories may find these services helpful and are very welcome to

attend.

Redcliffe - Caboolture Hospital Memorial Service

Memorial services are held on the 3rd Wednesday of each

month at 4.00pm in the Caboolture Hospital Chapel. The service

includes the placement of ashes of the babies cremated from

both hospitals, in the memorial garden.

For further information please contact: Hospital Chaplains on

(07) 5433 8852

Ipswich Hospital Memorial Service

Memorial services are held on the last Wednesday of each month

at 2.00pm under the Poinciana Tree in the Hospital grounds near

Court Street. Ashes of the babies cremated from the hospital will

be placed in the memorial garden.

For further information please contact:The Ipswich

General Hospital on (07) 3810 1111 and ask for the Social Work

Department or Chaplaincy

Mackay Base Hospital/CHEC Services

The Mackay Base Hospital/CHEC Services conducts Memorial

Services for those who have died (including babies) in connec-

tion with the Mackay Base Hospital. Invitations are sent out to

those families but anyone is welcome to attend. They are held

every two months (the even months) at 7.00pm on a weekday

night.

For further information please contact:Brenda Sheumack,

CHEC Services (07) 4968 6024

or Shirley Worland, Hospital Social Worker on (07) 4968 6000

Redland Hospital Memorial Service

At 10.00 am on the last Saturday in February, May, August and

November each year a Memorial Service is held in the Hospital

Chapel. An integral part of the Service is the placement of baby

ashes in the Hospital Memorial Garden. Individual services are

offered at other times according to request.

For any enquiries please contact the Chaplain (07) 3488 3111.

Mater Mothers’ Hospital (Brisbane)

Miscarriage Memorial Services are held on the second

Wednesday of each month at 4.00pm in the Mater Mothers’

Chapel. Ashes of the babies cremated from the hospital will be

placed in the memorial garden.

For further information please contact:June Loxton or

Lyn Bradley, Pastoral Care - Loyola House (07) 3840 6729

Royal Brisbane and Women’s Hospital

Memorial Services are held on the second Thursday of each

month at 2.00pm in the hospital chapel (Ground Floor, Ned

Hanlon Building). During the services you will be able to light

a candle in memory of your baby. This candle is yours to take

home. There is a Memorial Book available for you to add a page

if you wish. You might like to bring a poem or a drawing. The

Memorial Book is available during the service and at other times

by appointment.

For further information please contact:Iris Carden (Hospital

Chaplain) on (07) 3636 8404 or (07) 3636 8111

Gold Coast Hospital Memorial Services

Memorial services are held every two months on the last Tuesday

of the month, commencing at 4.00pm.

For further information please contactJulie at Metropolitan

Funerals on (07) 3263 5044

Nambour Hospital

Memorial services will be held on the second Tuesday of the

months of July, October, January and April. Parents, family and

friends are invited to attend.

Enquiries to the Chaplaincy Department.

Townsville SANDS/SIDS Memorial Services

The SANDS and SIDS groups in Townsville in co-operation with

The Townsville Hospital, The Wesley Hospital Townsville and

Mater Misericordiae Hospital hold memorial services in Ander-

son Park (Thomas Street end, opposite the Mater Misericordiae

Hospital).

For further information please contact:Marie on

(07) 4774 6521(ah) or (07)4775 5957 (w)

Toowoomba SANDS Rock of Remembrance Memorial

Service.

Services are conducted at the Garden of Remembrance Ruthven

St South, Toowoomba and are held every three months, on the last

Friday of the month at 2p.m.(February, June, October). The service

includes the placement of babies’ ashes at the Rock. Family and

friends are invited to take part in the service.

Phone Karen Hinrichsen on 4635 4866

Membership

23

SANDS Members may be bereaved parents, families or others: Membership Fee $30 (inc GST) per year. In

case of financial difficulty, SANDS (Qld) will accept a smaller membership fee.

Ordinary membership:Bereaved parents and their families including family members living at home.

Associate membership:Professional & community individuals/groups who have an interest in SANDS (Qld)

Inc.

Please circle where appropriate:NEW MEMBER MEMBERSHIP RENEWAL CHANGE OF ADDRESS

I wish to apply for (please circle): ORDINARY MEMBERSHIP ASSOCIATE MEMBERSHIP

TYPE OF LOSS (please circle): MISCARRIAGE STILLBIRTH NEONATAL DEATH

INDUCED LABOUR OTHER _______________________

NAME:___________________________________________________________________________________

PARTNERS NAME:________________________________________________________________________

POSTAL ADDRESS: _______________________________________________POSTCODE_____________

HOME ADDRESS: ________________________________________________ POSTCODE:______________

TELEPHONE HOME: ( ) _________________________ TELEPHONE WORK ( )_________________

EMAIL ADDRESS: ________________________________________________________________________

WISH TO RECEIVE MY NEWSLETTER VIA EMAIL. YES / NO (Please circle)

*I agree to abide by the constitution of SANDS (Qld) Inc. Signed: ___________________Date:___/____/___

(A copy of the SANDS Constitution is available by contacting the Sands office.)

Insurance statement

VOLUNTEER REGISTRY

SANDS relies on the assistance of volunteers to continue offering support and services to bereaved parents and

their families and carers. If you do have a specific area of interest or skills you think may help us, please make a

note of it here so that we can contact you. We would love to hear from you!

o NEWSLETTER o FUNDRAISING EVENTS o CAKE STALL / BAKING o

OTHER

DONATIONS

I/We would like to make a donation to SANDS (Qld) Inc. of $___________________.I/We would like to donate the following goods/services to SANDS (Qld) Inc.

APPLICATION / RENEWAL FORM

Please charge my: Mastercard / Visa / Bankcard

Total Amount $ ______________ Expiry Date ____ / ____

Card Number ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___

Cardholder’s Name ________________________ Signature _____________________

Credit card payments may be made by phone, mail or by faxing in this form.

DO NOT email your credit card details to us!

Making Memories

24

If you would like your baby’s birthday, anniversary or birth notice to appear in the newsletter, please

send it to SANDS office by the 15th of the month PRIOR to the month you would like your message

to appear. Please include a description (or email a copy) of any graphics you want included. Poems

or articles written by other authors MUST be accompanied by the author’s name otherwise it does

not comply with copyright and cannot be printed in the SANDS newsletter. One page per baby will

be printed in the newsletter

PLEASE PRINT CLEARLY

_______________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________________

Your name: __________________________________________________________

Your contact phone number : ___________________________________________

EMAIL : sandsqld@powerup.com.auFAX: 07 3358 2533

MAIL: PO BOX 934, NEW FARM QLD 4005

Sands Contac ts

25

Sands Office Details

SANDS (QLD) INC. OFFICE

SANDS House,

505 Bowen Terrace, New Farm, Brisbane

POSTAL ADDRESS

PO Box 934, New Farm QLD 4005

TELEPHONE

(07) 3254 3422 (Brisbane Callers)

1800 228 655 (Regional Callers support only)

FAX

(07) 3358 2533

EMAIL ADDRESS

sandsqld@powerup.com.au

WEBSITE

www.sandsqld.com

COORDINATOR

Liz Davis

ADMINISTRATION ASSISTANT

Nicky Lynch

MANAGEMENT COMMITTEE

Contactable through the office on 3254 3422

President

Vice President Norma Slater

Secretary Wendy Harvey

Treasurer Madonna Whillans

General Cameron Slater

Mardi Williams

Lisa Swenson

Regional AreasWhere possible, regional Contacts are bereaved parents. If not, then they are professionals who may be able to put you in contact with a bereaved parent in your area. If there are no contacts near you, please ring 1800 228 655, please leave a message and the listener will return your call as soon as possible. If you cannot contact a listener, please ring the Sands office. Regardless of where you are in Queensland or Northern

New South Wales, you can receive the newsletter, borrow from the library, and use our web page.Ayr Julianne (07) 4783 2885

Biloela Sandy (07) 4992 1462

Bundaberg Michelle/Rod (07) 4151 2599

Cairns/Tablelands Emma (07) 4093 5219

Janelle (07) 4093 1228

Charters Towers Diana (07) 4787 7338

Clifton/Millmerran/Pittsworth Helen (07) 4695 3123

Denman NSW Tanya (02) 65472900

Jimboomba Karen (07) 5547 8431

Lismore Kelli (02) 6625 1714

Longreach Jenny (07) 4658 9227

Mackay Julie (07) 4959 3781

Maryborough Monique (07) 4123 3642

Miles Emma (07) 4628 5629

Mt Isa Sharon (07) 4743 4449

Rockhampton Karen (07) 4936 1329

Linda (07) 4927 4960

Tambo Jenny (07) 4654 6266

Toowoomba Loretta (07) 4635 5999

Townsville Marie ( 07)47746521(ah)

(07)47755957 (w)

Warwick Norma (07) 46619590

Winton Joyce (07) 4657 2700

If you are interested in supporting other parents in

your area, please contact the office on

07 3254 3422 to talk about the role you might like to

take on.

ListenersSANDS (Qld) Listeners are volunteer bereaved SANDS parents who have experienced the death of their baby and have had support training. If you are having a bad day, or just want to chat to someone who has been there, please give them a call. The parents are on call 24 hours/7 days, however they are volunteers, so if you reach an answering machine, please leave a message so they can get back to you as soon as they are able. If you need to talk to someone urgently please ring one of the other listeners on roster or SANDS office.

Brisbane & SuburbsTo contact a Listener within Brisbane and surrounding

suburbs please ring the SANDS Office on (07) 3254 3422.

Please have a pen and paper handy as you will receive a recorded message giving the names and phone numbers of Listeners who are currently on roster to take your call. Messages can be left on the office line (# 1), however please

do not leave messages on the Listener’s line (# 2).

1800 228 655The 1800 228 655 number is a free call number that SANDS has available for parents outside the Brisbane area. The number is diverted from the SANDS office to the telephone

number of one of our volunteer Listeners. The 1800 number is never answered in our office.

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