Sands leads the community in pregnancy and infant loss awareness and support.
Cover art donated by Kate Knapp
of twigseeds
November 2008, Issue 268
Topic of the MonthFamily, Friends, Siblings SEE PAGE 7
Dates to Note SEE PAGE 5
Support MeetingsFULL LISTING PAGE 4
Member StorySEE PAGE 9
Memorials SEE PAGE 12Noah GoughCody James Catanzariti Luke James Lachlan HamiltonKeegan Rhys HardyJack Laurence-Owen GoldmanVictoria Margaret RigatoCaitlin Margaret Bartlett
Birth Notice SEE PAGE 17Isabella Iris Mary Ireland
A Lighter MomentSEE Page 20
Sands News
2
Ha�y 2nd Bi�hday Our Darling Victoria Marga"t RigatoWe Miss You and Love You So Much.
God Bless You Our Little Angel In Heaven
Lots Of Love Your Mummy and Daddy.
THE STORY OF SANDS
Sands came into being in 1983 when a small group
of parents gathered in each others lounge rooms to
support one another after they had experienced the
death of their babies. From those humble
beginnings Sands has expanded to a staffed office
with a number of different support services.
Listener Service
Trained volunteer bereaved parents are on call 24/7
to provide a listening ear.
The Sands 1800 number is available for parents who
live outside the Brisbane metropolitan area. The
numbers for listeners can be accessed by calling the
Sands office.
Regional Contacts
Contacts for different areas of Queensland and
Northern New South Wales are in the back of the
newsletter. The contacts may be bereaved parents or
caring health care professionals.
Support Meetings
Parents often find comfort and a feeling of normal-
ity when talking with other bereaved parents. The
shared experience can help to alleviate the sense of
isolation that is sometimes felt by parents.
Library
The Sands library contains a range of books that
cover topics relevant to bereaved parents. A library
catalogue can be obtained by contacting the Sands
office. The books are available by dropping into
the office or they can be mailed out. We ask that if
you are able, to provide stamps when you return
the books if they have been mailed to you.You are
required to become a member to access the library
facilities.
Newsletter
The newsletter is an important communication tool
for parents, families and health care professionals. It
is a forum for support, is printed monthly and
members contributions are very welcome.
Booklets and Pamphlets
A comprehensive range of booklets and pamphlets
are available relating to all facets of grief and loss
relating to the death of a baby. They are relevant to
parents, families, friends and health care
professionals.
Web site
The Sands web site is an electronic means of
providing and obtaining support. The information is
available 24/7 and bereaved parents can contact the
Sands office from the web site.
Email Support
Some parents may find ringing a support person or
attending a support meeting very confronting and the
anonymity of email can be a useful to obtain support
and information.
Sands Membership
All parents who contact Sands will receive three
complimentary issues of the newsletter after which
a letter will be sent offering membership. Yearly
membership is $30 but in case of financial difficulty,
a smaller membership fee will be acceptable. When
membership falls due, a reminder will be sent. A
membership form is included in the newsletter.
There are two classifications of membership:
Ordinary: includes bereaved parents and families
Associate: non-bereaved people including
professional and community individuals who have
an interest in Sands.
Sands Logo
The Jigsaw Baby is the Sands Logo. It represents
the struggle parents and families have fitting the
pieces of their lives together again – one piece is
always missing.
Newsletter Sponsorship
Sands News
3
A note from the coordinator
Hello Everyone,
This newsletter is the second last edition before the end of the year. I am not quite sure where
October went! By the time this newsletter is in your hands I will be in Norway attending the
International Stillbirth Alliance Conference.
I submitted two abstracts for the conference – Grief in the Workplace and Support Groups –
what role do they have in supporting parents. Both of the abstracts were accepted and I am
now in the process of finalising the presentations. As chair of the Parent Advisory Committee
of ISA, I also submitted an abstract on a project that the PAC has been working on this year.
The project is called Questions and is broken into three segments – before and during a first or
low risk pregnancy, after a stillbirth and before and during a subsequent pregnancy. Ultimately
the Questions will be available on the ISA website for all parents to access.
The next ISA conference is to be held in South Africa in March 2009 and the really exciting
news is that the conference in 2010 will be held in Australia. The venue and time for the 2010
conference is still under discussion but will have been decided by the time the December/
January newsletter is printed.
We welcome Nicky back to the office after a wonderful trip overseas. Nicky will sadly be leaving
Sands at the end of the year to be able to put more time into her study. Nicky has contributed
to the running of the Sands office in a big way and I always had confidence knowing that the
office was in good hands when I have been out of the office.
If this is the first newsletter you have received we welcome you to the Sands club – the club
to which no one wants to belong. Membership costs for this club are the highest people could
imagine. I can recall talking to someone who asked me about Sands and what did I have to do
to become a member. What sort of response do you have to a question like that?
Sands provides a number of support services for bereaved parents including library facilities,
listeners on 24 hour call, support meetings, email support and a web site. If you have any
questions or queries regarding support services please contact the office.
Until next time take care,
Liz
Suppor t Meetings
4
Coffee Mornings 10am – 12pm
Ayr
Burdekin Neighbour Centre
40 Chippendale Street Ayr
2nd Wednesday monthly
12th November 2008
Julianne 4783 2885
Brisbane
(SANDS House) 505 Bowen Tce, New Farm
Ph 3254 3422
Tuesday 11th November 2008
Atherton Tableland
Ph Jill 4097 7223
Cairns
TBA
Glasshouse Mountains
Ph Tracey 5493 0172
Gympie
Gympie and District Womens Health Centre
10 Lawrence Street Gympie (07 54836588.)
Ph Nikki 5483 3918
1st Thursday monthly 6th November 2008
4th December 2008
Ipswich/Brown’s Plains/Pullenvale
Ph Chris 5465 8800/0439 743 447
Lismore
Ph Kelli (02) 6625 1714
Mackay
Ph Julie 4959 3781
Mackay Women’s Health Centre
Last Thursday Monthly 27th November 2008
Nambour
Ph Emma 5441 4576/0437 700 021
Narangba/Burpengary
Friday 17th October 2008
Melissa 3882 3513
Townsville
9.00am – 11.00am
Ph Tammy 0414 874 380
Monday 17th November 2008
Toowoomba
9.30 am The Coffee House, Hume Street
Ph Anna 4659 7511
Monday 10th November 2008
Night Support 7.30pm - 9.30pm
Brisbane
(SANDS House) 505 Bowen Tce, New Farm
Ph 3254 3422
Wednesday 29th October 2008
Gold Coast
Bonnie Babes (From 7pm)
Ph Deb 5598 1147
Townsville
Ph Marie 4775 5957 (w) 4774 6521 (a/h)
Second Tuesday Monthly 11th November 2008
SUPPORT MEETINGS
Support meetings – coffee mornings, afternoons and
night support meetings that are held at the Sands
office and other locations around Brisbane and
Queensland are casual gatherings of parents who
share the common experience of the death of a baby.
Some parents may initially find the thought of
attending a support meeting to be quite daunting;
however many members have gained a great deal of
support from the support meetings.
All family members, including children are welcome
at support meetings so you may find parents with
new babies or toddlers at the support meetings.
Please contact the host listed for details of where the
support meeting is to be held. You are welcome to
bring a plate of comfort food to share.
Sands News
5
DIARY DATES FOR 2008 and
2009
NOVEMBER
Wednesday 5th - International Stillbirth Alliance Friday 7th Conference, Norway
Tuesday 11th Coffee morning
Postponed TBA Subsequent pregnancy evening
Wednesday 26th Night Support
Thursday 27th Newsletter production and Volunteers thank you lunch
DECEMBER
Tuesday 2nd Coffee morning
Sunday 7th Christmas memorial service
Thursday 18th Night Support meeting
Friday 19th SANDS office closed
Christmas/New Year break
Reopening Monday 19th January 2009
JANUARY 2009
Monday 19th Sands office reopens
Wednesday 28th Night Support meeting
Thursday 29th Newsletter production
FEBRUARY 2009
Tuesday 3rd Coffee Morning
Wednesday 25 Night Support
Thursday 26th Newsletter Production
MARCH 2009
Friday 6th ISA conference South Africa
Friday 14th Approximate dates
APRIL2009
Sunday 19th PSANZ conference Darwin
Thursday 23rd
MAY 2009
JUNE 2009
JULY 2009
Friday – Sunday 3,4,5, Baby Expo
AUGUST 2009
Sands NZ conference
SEPTEMBER 2009
OCTOBER 2009
Thursday 15th IPIL Day
NOVEMBER 2009
DECEMBER 2009
Friday 18th Office closes for Christmas and
New Year
Contributions to the Newsletter
Members contributions to the newsletter are always
welcome. If you have found a good website,
article from a newspaper or magazine or have writ-
ten something yourself you are invited to submit
these to the newsletter.
The most comfort that parents find is from the
experiences of other bereaved parents. Writing the
story of your experince may assist you in your grief
journey and also comfort others.
DECEMBER JANUARY NEWSLETTER
Memorials, birth notices and articles for the
combined newsletter need to be into the Sands office
by NOVEMBER 15TH.
LUNCH IS ON US!!An invitation is extended to all volunteers to come to
a special lunch on Thursday 27th November at
12.30pm.
If you have folded a brochure, taken a support call,
been on a committee, labeled a newsletter.....please
come so we can say thank you, lovely, wonderful,
gratis.
Please RSVP to the Sands office by Monday 24th
November 2008.
Topic of the Month
6
FAMILY AND FRIENDS
The topic for the newsletter this month is
Family and Friends. There are two aspects to this
topic – support for family including surviving
siblings and the support we may like to receive from
our extended family and circle of friends.
Many of us would be familiar with the quote
‘fair weathered friend’. Unfortunately at the time of
great crisis in our lives we often find that those we
held close and thought would be a great support did
not have the inner strength to provide that support.
These people become our fair weathered friends and
surprisingly may reappear in our lives when they
think enough time has passed since the death of your
baby and you would probably have ‘gotten over it’
and wouldn’t mention ‘it’ to them.
Most people are kind hearted – people
generally mean well and don’t mean to cause
bereaved parents distress. Bereaved parents who
struggle with their own grief issues may find
themselves in the position of having to educate their
family and friends on the right and wrong ways of
providing support. Sands has produced a brochure
to assist parents in this task – they can simply hand
the brochure to the relevant person and hope that
the friend or family member take the suggestions on
board.
Many people would like to be able to support
bereaved parents appropriately – they may just lack
the skills to do so. People can also be very
uncomfortable with silence and tears and may be
confronted with both when speaking to parents.
This can often be when clichés are dragged out of
the bottom of the bin and spoken. Clichés such as
‘don’t worry you can have another one’, ‘It was lucky
you didn’t get to know the baby’; ‘There probably
would have been something wrong with it anyway.’
And so on and so on. Simply saying ‘I am so sorry
to hear about your baby’, or ‘I am so sorry and I
don’t know what to say to you’ will be sufficient.
Sitting in silence and being with a bereaved
parent can take quite a lot of courage for the
non-bereaved, particularly if they have never had an
experience of personal bereavement. This skill is
not confined to the older person; some very young
people have developed life skills that far surpass
those of their elders. Your friends may wonder when
your old self will reappear – when will you go back
to being normal. You may have to tell them that you
will create a new and different normal and normal is
just a setting on your dryer anyway.
One part of the family group that may miss
appropriate support is surviving siblings. In the
turmoil after the death of a baby, the siblings may be
left out of the inner circle. Many people may
consider that children are just small adults, or they
have no real feelings. The opposite is actually
correct. Children are very different to adults –
children of different ages and mental development
will respond very differently to the death of their
sibling. Some may consider that children are almost
a species of their own. Even very young children,
toddlers will sense that something is wrong with
their family unit – mummy is crying or absent,
daddy looks worried and gets cross. Children may
respond by becoming clingy, doing things they
normally wouldn’t, their behaviour may regress.
Young children may start wetting themselves when
they have been toilet trained for some time, other
children may act like a baby – make baby sounds,
demand to be carried around. All these behaviours
are normal – it is part of the child’s way of making
sense of what has happened in his or her world.
Some children may be worried that they have
caused the baby to die. They may think that because
they were a bit rough sitting on mummy’s lap or
even wishing the baby wasn’t going to come may
have caused the death of their baby sibling. Children
will need a great deal of reassurance at this time.
Topic of the Month
7
FAMILY AND FRIEDS continued
Parents may worry about what to tell their
surviving children and how much involvement the
children should have in the time after the death of
the baby. If children are given age appropriate and
maturity appropriate explanations they will most
likely manage quite well. It is perfectly fine to use
terms such as dead, died, dying. Children may not
understand terms such as passed, passed away.
Explanations such as went to heaven, God came
down and took him, went to sleep, may frighten
them to the point that they think the same will
happen to them.
It is important that whatever you tell your
children, the same is told by your family and friends.
Children need to hear one consistent message. If
your children go to school or day care their carers
will need to know what to say to them.
Including surviving children in photographs
and filming can be an important part of building a
bank of family memories. It is important to give
children accurate information about their deceased
brother or sister; explaining that the baby will feel
cold, won’t move, open his or her eyes. Including
children may be of benefit many years later when
the child’s psyche is developing and they revisit this
experience.
Children may benefit from being involved
in the funeral or memorial arrangements. Being left
out may make them feel that they have done
something wrong or that they are not part of the
family. It is very common to see children attend
funerals – thirty or forty years ago the situation was
quite
different.
I once heard that friendship can have a use by
date. You many find that many of your relationships
both with family and friends may change and new
relationships forged. Nuturing yourself and your
immediate family is your number one priority - your
family and friends may have to find a new
understanding of who you are now.
Resources that may be valuable
Books for family and friends -
‘Healing a Child’s Grieving Heart” A D Wolfelt
‘Healing a Friend’s Grieving Heart’ AD Wolfelt
‘Healing Conversations - What to say when you
don’t know what to say.’ N Guilmartin
‘Grandparents Cry Twice’ ML Reed
‘I Never Know What to Say’ H Donnelley
‘A Grandparents Sorrow’ P Schwiebert
‘What’s Dead Mean?’ D Zagdanski
‘We were gonna have a baby but we had an angel
instead’ P Schwiebert
‘No New Baby’ M Gryte
Sands has a number of films that bereaved parents
may encourage their family and friends to watch.
‘The Story of Daniel’
‘Losing Layla”
Both of these films are wonderfully and sensitively
produced. Some people may find them confronting.
Sands News
8
SANDS Victoria is proud to announce the
publication of our new book titled
‘Our Babies Have Died’
Three years in the making, Our Babies Have Died
originated from the idea of having a collection of
stories written by bereaved parents for bereaved
parents. The stories contained within Our Babies
Have Died demonstrate the depth of emotion
experienced following the death of a baby, but
perhaps more importantly, they demonstrate that
there is no typecast for how one should feel after the
death of a baby. Everyone is different and everyone’s
reaction, response and ability to deal with different
scenarios will be different.
It is the hope that Our Babies Have Died may help
other parents, their family and friends by sharing
stories of the loss of a baby or babies and confirm
the experiences endured after the death of a baby are
often common amongst other bereaved parents.
SANDS CHRISTMAS MEMORIAL SERVICE
Sunday 7th December 2008
2.30pm for a 3.00pm start
Merthyr Uniting Church
52 Merthyr Road New Farm
The Sands tradition is to provide a gift to place under the tree for a child the same age as your baby. The gifts
are donated to a charity for distribution to children in need. You may also bring along a Christmas decoration
to place on the tree while the service is being conducted.
Both of these traditions are optional.
Parents contributions are welcome – if you have written a poem or have a reading of meaning, you are invited
to share this with other members.
After the service, afternoon tea will be shared. You are invited to bring along some comfort food to share.
Tea, coffee and cordial will be provided.
We would like to thank SANDS SA and Sands
Queensland for the support received at the beginning
of this project with distributing the call for stories,
which has resulted in several contributions from
families outside Victoria.
The book will be available at bookstores, via the
SANDS (Vic) office on (03) 9899 0217 or on-line
at www.sandsvic.org.au for $24.95. We hope the
book will be a great success and become a valuable
resource for bereaved parents, their families and
friends.
Member Stor y
9
A MOTHERS, A GRANDMOTHER’S PAINCody James Catanzariti-27 November, 2007
I have read many heartfelt stories in the
SANDS monthly newsletter publication. And my
heart goes out to all who have lost a precious little
one. I have a need to share my story.
It starts 35 years ago on the 12th June 1973
with the birth of my beautiful girl, Catherine. She
was and still is an exceptionally beautiful girl. She is
loving and caring of others and always puts her
family first. Cate as she likes to be called moved
with her partner Shanyn over 4 years ago to
Townsville which has been very hard for me as the
distance is so great. But along came the Webcam
which has saved my life as I get to see my beautiful
daughter and her son (Logan) everyday.
We were so happy to hear the news from
Cate about her second pregnancy. Wow! Another
grandchild for us. All was going well then one day
I was driving to a meeting and Cate rang me very
distressed with the news that all was not well with
our tiny little baby she was carrying inside of her.
I told myself “I must go to her” But what about my
husband? Both of us could not go. He had to stay
and carry the business on. It broke my heart to leave
my darling husband behind, it was almost too much
to bear. He insisted I go straight away, so as soon as
I could I flew up to be with her. I could see the pain
and anguish on both of their faces. I did what I could
to support them both. Somehow it never seemed
enough to me. I was angry. Why was this
happening?, I should be able to protect my little girl
from all of this pain.
Worst of all was the thought of losing our
grandson (as by now we knew the sex). A Nightmare
is the only word I have that can describe what Cate
and her partner were going through. The day came
for Cody to come into this world and we had all
spoken at length; Cate and Shanyn were beside
themselves with guilt and pain. They asked if I could
hold Cody after he was born as they could not bear
the pain, they were in a terrible fog and they had no
way out. I felt so honoured and privileged to be the
one. But also so frightened. What if I could not do
this for them? I did not want to let them down.
Cate’s labour was awful it nearly killed me
to see her in so much pain. I was screaming inside
my head. She was so brave I don’t know how she
got through it. The strangest thing was that
during the actual labour I myself had so much pain
through my body that I could hardly stand up, it
was as if I was sharing Cate’s pain through this
very difficult and painful labour. And strangely at
the moment of Cody’s birth the pain left my body -
how strange. But it then entered my heart.
My beautiful girl had just given birth to
their son Cody James, but what should have been
a beautiful thing was not...Cate and Shanyn went
back into the room alone and I stayed in the other
room with Cody. Then when I saw Cody my heart
nearly exploded, I could not breathe, I had pains in
my chest, but then something came over me, I
cannot explain what. I told myself that not only
had Cody chosen Cate and Shanyn to be his
parents but he had also chosen me to be his Nonna.
The midwife, (who was a beautiful kind
person) and I, dressed Cody in a beautiful
handmade precious white gown with a tiny Lady
Bird on it. I then wrapped Cody in some bunny
rugs and put a tiny little handmade bonnet on his
precious head. A beautiful handmade quilt was
then cradled around his tiny body. He looked so
beautiful. I was then left alone with my grandson.
I placed my finger on his tiny little heart which
was faintly beating. I felt Cate and Shanyn’s arms
cradling me as I held Cody.
Sands News
10
A MOTHERS, A GRANDMOTHER’S PAIN.....
So I spoke quietly to him and told him all
about his Mum, Dad, Nonno, Uncle and his
cousins. I tried to fit so much into the small amount
of time I had. I sang to him all the favourite songs I
have sung to all of my grandchildren and told him
stories of what his mum was like as a little girl.
I told him what I knew about his dad. I told him
about his Nonno and how much he loved him and
would miss forever not having him in his life. I told
him so many times how much we all love him and I
told him we will never let him go. He will be in our
hearts forever.
Then just a brief 40 mins after he came into
this world he left it and I watched as his tiny little
spirit flew. He left me there sobbing with so much
pain in my heart for the grandchild I will never see
run or play in my back yard with his parents, or run
to me and give me a hug and say Nonna I love you.
My heart broke in two at that moment. You know,
I will never be the same again. This has changed
my life forever.
I then went straight to the lovely room
where my beautiful girl and Shanyn were and told
them all about their son Cody. I told them how
precious his fingers and toes were, about his
beautiful nose and yes also that he had all the
correct private bits! We held each other and just
cried. My beautiful girl’s heart was broken. In time
it will heal as will mine but a piece will always be
missing.
I went outside and rang my husband from
the garden in the hospital, the poor darling man
felt his heart break. He flew up every weekend to
be with his precious daughter. It was so hard for
him and it is different for a male you know. The
last time he had spent a weeked with Cate she was
pregnant with Cody and when he returned Cate was
no longer pregnant and Cody’s spirit had flown. He
was so brave but I could see the pain in his eyes.
My son stayed with his dad to comfort him, as I
was not there.
I then went home to Cate and Shanyn’s house
to look after my precious little grandson Logan
(Cody’s big brother). I told Logan all about his little
baby brother, hugged him and cried. The next
morning bright and early I took Logan to the
hospital to be with his mum and dad as they all
needed to be with each other. It was so hard for my
beautiful daughter to go home that day, as the day
before she had come to this hospital pregnant and
today she was going home not pregnant and without
her baby. She is so brave.
We had a beautiful Celebration of Life for
Cody in the backyard of Cate and Shanyn’s home.
We let 21 Blue Balloons (symbolizing his 21 weeks)
fly off into the sky and planted a special garden. And
everyone said goodbye, well that is except for myself
and I know Cate didn’t either. I am keeping him I
told her and she
expressed the same.
Cate and Logan came home with me to Grif-
fith for a few weeks as I could not leave her behind.
Sometimes you just need your mum and your dad
.Shanyn was wonderful he wanted Cate to be with
us. He stayed and worked till a week before Christ-
mas and then came home to be with his little family.
They are back in Townsville now, in their
own home tending to Cody’s beautiful
garden and playing with Logan. Working,
grieving and going on with life as best they can.
Some days are good and some days are very diffi-
cult, but they are doing it together with their sons.
Member Stor y
11
Pearl of Wisdom
Just as a drop of water causes ripples in a
pond,
So a thought dropped into the pool of
consciousness
Can cause ever-expanding ripples in the
universal human mind
(Jean Richards)
Talking Point
How do bereaved parents encouage family and friends to talk about the experience of the death of their baby? Are family and friends open to talking about your baby months and even years later?
Now when I see people in my hometown
and they ask “How many grandchildren do you
have?” I say six, most people don’t say anything as
they don’t know how to handle it. I have one friend
who says “I should get over “IT” and move on”.
Well that makes me very sad as I will never get
over “IT”(losing my tiny little grandson). Cody will
be FOREVER in our hearts and in our lives.
Sometimes when I think of what we all
went through I cannot believe that it really
happened, but my heart tells me a different story. I
too have footprints on my heart.. Grandparents are
first and foremost parents then they are grandpar-
ents. And then there is this unwritten law instilled
in us that at all costs we must protect our children
and our grandchildren.
But when it all comes down to it, all we
can do is love them. A beautiful lady told me that
grandparent’s cry twice, once for their grandchild
and the second time for their own child. And that is
so true.
I now have a beautiful hand drawn portrait
of Cody hanging on the wall with all of my other
grandchildren. I talk to him every day and it gives
my husband and me some peace.
I still have my Webcam and I see and speak
with my daughter and precious little grandson
Logan every day. That too gives me peace. Cate
and I have a bond that can never be broken. I am
very lucky to have such a beautiful, caring
daughter like her.
Raelene King
GRIFFITH NSW
Memoria ls
12
Jack Laurence-Owen Goldman14th November 200733 weeks gestation
To our darling little boy and brother Jack,
Happy first birthday! There is not a day that goes by that we don’t think of you and wish so much that you could be with us. Even though you are not with us, you have taught us so much about living. We are expecting your little brother in January and know that you watch over him for us. You will always be his big brother and Maggie’s little brother. You have enriched our lives so greatly just by spending your short lifetime with us. We will love you always.
Love always,
Mummy, Daddy & Maggie
Caitlin Marga�t Bartlett Born Sti� Saturday 25th Novem�r, 2000 Dear Caitlin,
You have been in my thoughts a lot lately as I see the remarkable similarities between your features and that of your new sister.
But it always makes me smile.
Happy birthday darling child.
Love Mum xxx
Memoria ls
13
What could have been
You could have been famous,
A doctor or an Olympian
But it’ll never come to be,
And never again will we look in your eyes
We put you both down to sleep
And little did we know
Our dreams for you would be broken
And your future taken
Another day passes
And still we’ll never know
We’ll never really know what happened
Or why you couldn’t stay
We’ll never really understand
How a child could be taken away
The world gets older
But you are still a baby
And we sit and talk and cry
Of the things you’ll never do
You’ll never ride a bike with no training wheels
Or catch a bus with your school mates
All we have are our deep memories
We’ve lost a precious jewel
You’ll never play on the soccer team
Never steal a first kiss
Every day we think of all of the
Wonderful things you’ll miss
You’ll never go to school
Never walk down the aisle
Never know the joys of parenthood
Another day passes…
And still we’ll never know why
Taken too soon, our shining star
Love Mummy and Daddy
Keegan Rhys Hardy
28/11/02-09/02/03
With all our love
Mummy, Daddy, Lincoln,
Bayden (twin brother), Emersen
An Angel Hug
Angels are ever all around us
And with love they do surround us.
When my heart is sore in need,
The Angels come my soul to feed.
They come to me from up above
and sing in whispers of Love.
When in my heart I feel a tug
I know that it's an Angels' hug.
(Author unknown)
Memoria ls
14
Luke James Lachlan Hamilton
02-11-02
Born Silently
Happy 6th Birthday to our beautiful baby boy Luke
There is not a day that goes by when you are not in our thoughts and loved so dearly
I sit here and wonder what it would have been like having you here with us, as your little brothers play
together, (fight together) and think how much they are missing out on not having you here with them
You would have been in prep this year, how exciting that would have been. I miss the conversations, the
games, we would be having by now, but most of all I miss you so much
All of this and so much more has been taken from us. We miss you every day and wonder what you would
have been like at the age of 6. You will always be our first born son.
You have a new baby brother Ethan and he will grow up knowing about his big brother Luke in heaven who
will always be smiling down on him.
Our little angel in Heaven, you were born too perfect and God wanted you back.
Happy 6th birthday baby boy.
You are always in our thoughts and forever in our hearts.
Mummy and Daddy
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Luke James Lachlan Hamilton
Happy 6th birthday
We know that you are looking down upon us with smiles
Love from your baby brothers
Matthew, Jack & Ethan
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Memoria ls
15
To My Little Brother Cody.
* Born 26 Nov 2007
On this day two months ago
I turned the big number “2”,
And on my cake were two candles
one for me and one just for you.
There were lots of balloons at my party
yellow, green, blue and red,
And when I woke up this morning from my sleep
there was another balloon on my bed.
Mummy and daddy were a little bit upset
and I really didn’t know why,
so we went outside with the balloon
and let it go up into the sky.
Mummy said we love you Cody
and daddy said we miss you so,
we think about you everyday
and wished you didn’t have to go.
I really wanted to get you a present
to show you how much I care,
so my gift to you is a great big kiss
I blew up into the air.
Happy 1st Birthday little brother
with lots of love and lots of pride,
I know I will never walk alone
For you will always be at my side.
Logan XOX
Happy 1st Birthday
Our beautiful baby Cody
We hope you like your balloons that we are sending
up to you
We know you watch over us every minute of the day
Thank you for sending us your new little sister
or brother and for keeping him/her safe in
Mummy’s belly.
All our love now and forever
Mummy & Daddy
CODY JAMES CATANZARITI
Ours is a love that can not be testedOurs is a bond that can never be broken
Ours is a flame that will never go outOurs is a heart that will beat on forever
My beautiful baby Cody Love always from your Mummy
IN LOVING MEMORY OF OUR
NEPHEW AND COUSIN
CODY JAMES CATANZARITI
26-11-2007
HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY LITTLE MAN
LOVE
UNKY MARK, MELISSA,
YOUR COUSINS CHYNNHA, MADDISEN,
BILLIE AND KYAN
Memoria ls
16
OUR BABY VICTORIA BORN 16TH OFNOVEMBER 2008
My quiet child our precious baby,
Close to my heart
I’ll keep you with me.
An important job
God has for you,
There is love to give,
and work to do.
He needs an angel
strong but small,
To shine light on many
and give love to all.
Before you left
I gave you this,
all my heart
and one last kiss.
We’ll miss you dearly
that we know,
But by God you were
chosen,
So to heaven, you must go
My beautiful sweet Victoria
Where has the time gone? Two years
have flown past!
The pain is so deep, I still miss you
like it was yesterday
I know that God is looking after you,
and you are looking after us.
We will be together one day, but until
then, my sweetheart, walk by our
side.
Your Mummy and Daddy love you so
much and we are always thinking of
you.
Our Special Daughter…Victoria.
We grieve for those that have lived but tragically are no
longer with us.
Even for those that have lived a fortunate life
But you never even had the chance to experience life,
to learn, to grow, to love.
And this is the greatest heartbreak of all
The greatest tragedy
You life taken away, stolen
Your name will live forever
Noah
Love always Dad
To my darling little Noah,
I miss you more than i can express and think of you so
much.
Its hard to believe its been one year since I held you in
my arms.
You will always be my first son, my precious boy.
Love and kisses Mama
Noah I really love you, I hope you can hear me
because of course this is true.
Noah I just want to tell you that I love you and I
always will.
I saw you grow up in my mummy’s tummy.
I guess you were just not ready.
Everyday I will come and talk to you. Even bring a
secret or two.
We made you a beautiful garden so you can rest.
We gave you your name because it means ‘peaceful
and restful”
I’ll remember the perfect name for my little brother
Noah.
Noah I really do love you. Happy 1st Birthday
Your big sister Luka xxoox
NOAH GOUGH 3 November 2007
Sands News
17
DONATIONS HAVE BEEN RECEIVED
FROM
Ernst and Young
and
BHP Billiton
Please give them a big round of applause!!
BIRTH NOTICE
Richard and Nicole Ireland are thrilled and relieved
to announce the safe arrival of our adorable baby
girl
Isa�lla Iris Mary. Born 22nd September 2008.
Little sister to angel brother Nicholas who is sadly
missed at this time and always.
DONATIONS HAVE BEEN MADE IN
MEMORY OF
Cooper Mark Delle Baite 20-06-2008
CODYAMES CATANZARITI 29-11-2007
Eoghan Cummins
and his baby sister
Ke! y CumminsAlana MaryB#nds
28/05/2008 Flynn Nicholas Barker
Our Tiny Angel
I may never know the reason why, you aren’t here
with me
Why you were taken away from us, so very hastily
What ailed your descent ion from the
Heaven’s Up Above?
When so many were waiting for Our Angel, to Love.
Perhaps there is a greater plan that we can’t see right
now,
But Mummy and Daddy have a message that they
must get through somehow.
We love you tiny angel, although we never met,
You are in our hearts and in our soles and we will
never forget.
A tiny life that was so short, you never got a chance,
To see a sunset, smell a flower or dance a joyous
dance,
We never got to see your face or hold your tiny hand,
We know God has a bigger plan, We just don’t
understand.
We must go forward with our lives, but we will
never forget,
Our Tiny Angel that lives above that we have never
met.
Hopefully, one day, when it is our turn to go,
We will meet you face to face and we will surely
know....
Your little face and tiny hand- We’ll see you right
away,
For you may not be here with us, but in our hearts
you’ll stay.
So, until we meet again one day, we’ll send you all
our love,
Please hear our prayer and know we care,
Our Angel up above.
(Anonymous)
Sands News
18
ISA CONFERENCE 2009
DRAKENSBERG SOUTH AFRICA
The setting for the 2009 conference is a wonderful part of South Africa. Sands International (UK, Australia
and New Zealand) will be organising the bereavement section of the conference.
Over the past 20 to 30 years many people have migrated from Africa to Australia and New Zealand. We
would be very interested in any contacts you may have in Africa, particularly South Africa. Sands is keen to
help connect people and to form support groups for families who have experienced the death of their baby.
If you have any contacts – family, friends, health care professionals, please contact the office so we can discuss
how best to facilitate this new development.
Northside Scrapbooking and
Card Making Day !
Saturday, 28th February 2009
9am – 5pm
Venue : Lawton Community Centre
Cost : $15 full day
$10 morning/afternoon session
Morning/ afternoon tea supplied
Make and Takes, Lucky door prizes and raffles
Sponsored by Assential Scrapbooking
Kurwongbah 0401997336
Madonna Dunn
Independent Stampin’ up Demonstrator
For Tickets and enquiries phone
Kaylene
54324200 0414824496
Linda 38867743
Townsville Walk to Remember
Many thanks to the following people who helped
make the Townsville Walk to Remember the success
it was
Lions’s Club $500
David May
John and Janice Palmer
Linda Buck
Delia Wootton
The Kelly Family Discretionary Trust
A big thank you to Marie and Bob Deuble and staff
who have for many years provided bereaved parents
in the Townsville area with much needed support.
SANDS CHRISTMAS RAFFLEIncluded in this newsletter will be a book of raffle
tickets. To date we have as part of the prize pack donations from various businesses. The donations include -
accommodation pack from Royal on the Park, Brisbane, two hairdressing vouchers from
Stefan, hairdressing voucher from b Hair Bulima, voucher for admittance to Alma Park Zoo, Car Hire vouch-
er from Cruz, pamper products, wine.
We would appreciate the donations of any Christmas goodies - wine, chocolates, biscuits etc. Donations can be
dropped into the Sands office or if they are not too heavy they can be mailed to PO Box 934 New Farm.
If you would like to sell more than one book of tickets please phone the office and we will arrange for futher
tickets to go to you.
Sands News
19
CHRISTMAS MEMORIAL SERVICE
FOR BABIES
Saturday 29 November at 6 pm
Anderson Park, Pimlico
at the Thomas Street entrance.
For Families and for Anyone affected by the death of a baby through miscarriage, interruption of pregnancy
for abnormalities, stillbirth, neonatal death and other reproductive losses.
SANDS Townsville Region & SIDS & Kids Qld in co-operation with
The Townsville Health Service District and Mater Hospitals.
Some people come into our lives
Make footprints on our hearts
And we are never the same
Please contact
SANDS Townsville Region
on 4775 5957 or
HAS YOUR PRIVACY BEEN RESPECTED?
SANDS Australia is very keen to look into a matter that has arisen on several occasions around the vulnerable
time of experiencing the death of a baby.
When paying bills and claiming from Medicare, there have been several occasions where great embarrassment
and explanations have occurred as a result of details on our medical bills or receipts.
Why does the description of procedures need to be written on the bill or receipt when the code is there any-
way? These are the type of questions we would like to put to the relevant people and see whether we have
strength but evidence also, to explain why this needs to change.
Do they really need to see ‘Vaginal biopsy’ , ‘Dilatation & curettage’ ……
Experience - claiming back on an ultrasound that confirmed a definite loss – lady in Medicare comments “so
there’s soon to be a baby Weaver?” and with some surprise asked her to repeat what she asked but then had
to respond saying “no there’s not”. She was confused then and I had to repeat myself twice, get teary and she
then worked out something had gone wrong! If anything was learnt from that, I hope that lady knows not to
enquire into patients business.
If you have had any experiences good or bad such as the above we would be interested in hearing from you.
You can contact the office by mail – PO Box 934 New Farm 4005 or email [email protected].
A Lighter Moment
20
Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?
Dr. Phil…
The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realise that he must first deal with the problem on ‘THIS’
side of the road before it goes after the problem on the ‘OTHER SIDE’ of the road. What we need to do is help
him realise how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his ‘CURRENT’ problems before adding ‘NEW’ problems.
Oprah…
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So
instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls which is a part of life, I’m going to give this
chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
George W. Bush…
We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the
road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
Colin Powell…
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of a chicken crossing the road…
Dr Seuss…
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.
Ernest Hemingway…
To die in the rain. Alone.
Grandpa…
In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and
that was good enough.
John Lennon…
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing the roads together, in peace.
Aristotle…
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
Bill Gates…
I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important
documents, and balance your chick book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new platform
is much more stable and will never cra…#$(*&*&%##....eboot.
Albert Einstein…
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
Colonel Sanders…
Did I miss one?
Making Memories
21
Creating meaningful memoriesWhen parents experience the death of their baby they can sometimes be at a loss to know how to create memories of their baby or even the need to do so. Depending on the circumstances of thedeath of your baby some of the following may be appropriate for you.
Portrait - Artists are available to create a portrait of your baby from a photo. Many parents feel comforted by having a portrait hanging in their home. Sue Fernandez 02 6458 4227 Rachel Wybrew 07 5596 5654 Ribbon heart - The ribbon heart wall hanging is a memory creation idea that parents whose baby has died at any gestion can use. Ribbons are available from the office. A photo of your ribbon on the wall haning is available also. Flowers - Each month of the year has a designated flower. Some parents may plant seedlings for the month in which their baby died. If you are not a confident gardener perhaps you would prefer to purchase a photo of the flower or have one embroidered. A comprehensive list is available from the office.
Hand & Foot prints Your babys hand and foot prints can be stamped in ink at the hospital and you may also like to have an impression done in silver to enable you to create a piece of jewellery that can be worn. You might also like to have the hand and foot prints embroidered onto material and then framed.
Photography Photos and video footage can form a lasting and beautiful memory of your baby. Professional photographers can come to the hospital, your home or funeral home to take photos of your baby. You may have friends who may be able to take the photos also.
If you would like further details of anymemory creation ideas you might like to visit the office or ring to find you what else may be available.
Memorial Ser vices
22
Many hospitals throughout Queensland hold non-denominational
memorial services in memory of all babies born before 20 weeks gesta-
tion. Parents, families, friends and staff are welcome to these services.
Your baby does not have to have died at the hospital where the service
is being held. Parents, families and friends of babies who died at any
gestation many years ago, before assistance was given with creating
memories may find these services helpful and are very welcome to
attend.
Redcliffe - Caboolture Hospital Memorial Service
Memorial services are held on the 3rd Wednesday of each
month at 4.00pm in the Caboolture Hospital Chapel. The service
includes the placement of ashes of the babies cremated from
both hospitals, in the memorial garden.
For further information please contact: Hospital Chaplains on
(07) 5433 8852
Ipswich Hospital Memorial Service
Memorial services are held on the last Wednesday of each month
at 2.00pm under the Poinciana Tree in the Hospital grounds near
Court Street. Ashes of the babies cremated from the hospital will
be placed in the memorial garden.
For further information please contact:The Ipswich
General Hospital on (07) 3810 1111 and ask for the Social Work
Department or Chaplaincy
Mackay Base Hospital/CHEC Services
The Mackay Base Hospital/CHEC Services conducts Memorial
Services for those who have died (including babies) in connec-
tion with the Mackay Base Hospital. Invitations are sent out to
those families but anyone is welcome to attend. They are held
every two months (the even months) at 7.00pm on a weekday
night.
For further information please contact:Brenda Sheumack,
CHEC Services (07) 4968 6024
or Shirley Worland, Hospital Social Worker on (07) 4968 6000
Redland Hospital Memorial Service
At 10.00 am on the last Saturday in February, May, August and
November each year a Memorial Service is held in the Hospital
Chapel. An integral part of the Service is the placement of baby
ashes in the Hospital Memorial Garden. Individual services are
offered at other times according to request.
For any enquiries please contact the Chaplain (07) 3488 3111.
Mater Mothers’ Hospital (Brisbane)
Miscarriage Memorial Services are held on the second
Wednesday of each month at 4.00pm in the Mater Mothers’
Chapel. Ashes of the babies cremated from the hospital will be
placed in the memorial garden.
For further information please contact:June Loxton or
Lyn Bradley, Pastoral Care - Loyola House (07) 3840 6729
Royal Brisbane and Women’s Hospital
Memorial Services are held on the second Thursday of each
month at 2.00pm in the hospital chapel (Ground Floor, Ned
Hanlon Building). During the services you will be able to light
a candle in memory of your baby. This candle is yours to take
home. There is a Memorial Book available for you to add a page
if you wish. You might like to bring a poem or a drawing. The
Memorial Book is available during the service and at other times
by appointment.
For further information please contact:Iris Carden (Hospital
Chaplain) on (07) 3636 8404 or (07) 3636 8111
Gold Coast Hospital Memorial Services
Memorial services are held every two months on the last Tuesday
of the month, commencing at 4.00pm.
For further information please contactJulie at Metropolitan
Funerals on (07) 3263 5044
Nambour Hospital
Memorial services will be held on the second Tuesday of the
months of July, October, January and April. Parents, family and
friends are invited to attend.
Enquiries to the Chaplaincy Department.
Townsville SANDS/SIDS Memorial Services
The SANDS and SIDS groups in Townsville in co-operation with
The Townsville Hospital, The Wesley Hospital Townsville and
Mater Misericordiae Hospital hold memorial services in Ander-
son Park (Thomas Street end, opposite the Mater Misericordiae
Hospital).
For further information please contact:Marie on
(07) 4774 6521(ah) or (07)4775 5957 (w)
Toowoomba SANDS Rock of Remembrance Memorial
Service.
Services are conducted at the Garden of Remembrance Ruthven
St South, Toowoomba and are held every three months, on the last
Friday of the month at 2p.m.(February, June, October). The service
includes the placement of babies’ ashes at the Rock. Family and
friends are invited to take part in the service.
Phone Karen Hinrichsen on 4635 4866
Membership
23
SANDS Members may be bereaved parents, families or others: Membership Fee $30 (inc GST) per year. In
case of financial difficulty, SANDS (Qld) will accept a smaller membership fee.
Ordinary membership:Bereaved parents and their families including family members living at home.
Associate membership:Professional & community individuals/groups who have an interest in SANDS (Qld)
Inc.
Please circle where appropriate:NEW MEMBER MEMBERSHIP RENEWAL CHANGE OF ADDRESS
I wish to apply for (please circle): ORDINARY MEMBERSHIP ASSOCIATE MEMBERSHIP
TYPE OF LOSS (please circle): MISCARRIAGE STILLBIRTH NEONATAL DEATH
INDUCED LABOUR OTHER _______________________
NAME:___________________________________________________________________________________
PARTNERS NAME:________________________________________________________________________
POSTAL ADDRESS: _______________________________________________POSTCODE_____________
HOME ADDRESS: ________________________________________________ POSTCODE:______________
TELEPHONE HOME: ( ) _________________________ TELEPHONE WORK ( )_________________
EMAIL ADDRESS: ________________________________________________________________________
WISH TO RECEIVE MY NEWSLETTER VIA EMAIL. YES / NO (Please circle)
*I agree to abide by the constitution of SANDS (Qld) Inc. Signed: ___________________Date:___/____/___
(A copy of the SANDS Constitution is available by contacting the Sands office.)
Insurance statement
VOLUNTEER REGISTRY
SANDS relies on the assistance of volunteers to continue offering support and services to bereaved parents and
their families and carers. If you do have a specific area of interest or skills you think may help us, please make a
note of it here so that we can contact you. We would love to hear from you!
o NEWSLETTER o FUNDRAISING EVENTS o CAKE STALL / BAKING o
OTHER
DONATIONS
I/We would like to make a donation to SANDS (Qld) Inc. of $___________________.I/We would like to donate the following goods/services to SANDS (Qld) Inc.
APPLICATION / RENEWAL FORM
Please charge my: Mastercard / Visa / Bankcard
Total Amount $ ______________ Expiry Date ____ / ____
Card Number ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___
Cardholder’s Name ________________________ Signature _____________________
Credit card payments may be made by phone, mail or by faxing in this form.
DO NOT email your credit card details to us!
Making Memories
24
If you would like your baby’s birthday, anniversary or birth notice to appear in the newsletter, please
send it to SANDS office by the 15th of the month PRIOR to the month you would like your message
to appear. Please include a description (or email a copy) of any graphics you want included. Poems
or articles written by other authors MUST be accompanied by the author’s name otherwise it does
not comply with copyright and cannot be printed in the SANDS newsletter. One page per baby will
be printed in the newsletter
PLEASE PRINT CLEARLY
_______________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
Your name: __________________________________________________________
Your contact phone number : ___________________________________________
EMAIL : [email protected]: 07 3358 2533
MAIL: PO BOX 934, NEW FARM QLD 4005
Sands Contac ts
25
Sands Office Details
SANDS (QLD) INC. OFFICE
SANDS House,
505 Bowen Terrace, New Farm, Brisbane
POSTAL ADDRESS
PO Box 934, New Farm QLD 4005
TELEPHONE
(07) 3254 3422 (Brisbane Callers)
1800 228 655 (Regional Callers support only)
FAX
(07) 3358 2533
EMAIL ADDRESS
WEBSITE
www.sandsqld.com
COORDINATOR
Liz Davis
ADMINISTRATION ASSISTANT
Nicky Lynch
MANAGEMENT COMMITTEE
Contactable through the office on 3254 3422
President
Vice President Norma Slater
Secretary Wendy Harvey
Treasurer Madonna Whillans
General Cameron Slater
Mardi Williams
Lisa Swenson
Regional AreasWhere possible, regional Contacts are bereaved parents. If not, then they are professionals who may be able to put you in contact with a bereaved parent in your area. If there are no contacts near you, please ring 1800 228 655, please leave a message and the listener will return your call as soon as possible. If you cannot contact a listener, please ring the Sands office. Regardless of where you are in Queensland or Northern
New South Wales, you can receive the newsletter, borrow from the library, and use our web page.Ayr Julianne (07) 4783 2885
Biloela Sandy (07) 4992 1462
Bundaberg Michelle/Rod (07) 4151 2599
Cairns/Tablelands Emma (07) 4093 5219
Janelle (07) 4093 1228
Charters Towers Diana (07) 4787 7338
Clifton/Millmerran/Pittsworth Helen (07) 4695 3123
Denman NSW Tanya (02) 65472900
Jimboomba Karen (07) 5547 8431
Lismore Kelli (02) 6625 1714
Longreach Jenny (07) 4658 9227
Mackay Julie (07) 4959 3781
Maryborough Monique (07) 4123 3642
Miles Emma (07) 4628 5629
Mt Isa Sharon (07) 4743 4449
Rockhampton Karen (07) 4936 1329
Linda (07) 4927 4960
Tambo Jenny (07) 4654 6266
Toowoomba Loretta (07) 4635 5999
Townsville Marie ( 07)47746521(ah)
(07)47755957 (w)
Warwick Norma (07) 46619590
Winton Joyce (07) 4657 2700
If you are interested in supporting other parents in
your area, please contact the office on
07 3254 3422 to talk about the role you might like to
take on.
ListenersSANDS (Qld) Listeners are volunteer bereaved SANDS parents who have experienced the death of their baby and have had support training. If you are having a bad day, or just want to chat to someone who has been there, please give them a call. The parents are on call 24 hours/7 days, however they are volunteers, so if you reach an answering machine, please leave a message so they can get back to you as soon as they are able. If you need to talk to someone urgently please ring one of the other listeners on roster or SANDS office.
Brisbane & SuburbsTo contact a Listener within Brisbane and surrounding
suburbs please ring the SANDS Office on (07) 3254 3422.
Please have a pen and paper handy as you will receive a recorded message giving the names and phone numbers of Listeners who are currently on roster to take your call. Messages can be left on the office line (# 1), however please
do not leave messages on the Listener’s line (# 2).
1800 228 655The 1800 228 655 number is a free call number that SANDS has available for parents outside the Brisbane area. The number is diverted from the SANDS office to the telephone
number of one of our volunteer Listeners. The 1800 number is never answered in our office.
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