The Squeaky Clean Legacy By Professor Butters

Chapter 4.1: Second Generation Pink

Hi.  I'm  Mor+mer  Goodytwoshoes,  and  this  is  one  of  my  cats,  Max.  We'll  be  hos+ng  this  chapter  of  the  Squeaky  Clean  Legacy.  

My  creator,  Professor  BuGers,  always  considered  me  disposable.  She  even  named  me  Mor+mer  aIer  the  phrase  "Mor+mer  dies"  in  The  Fantas*cks.  But  then  something  funny  happened-­‐-­‐she  started  to  like  me.  

I'm  not  kidding  myself.  I've  got  a  face  that  would  stop  a  clock,  and  terrible  taste  in  clothes.  But  she  got  me  my  beau+ful  wife,  Edith;  kept  my  brother  Abijah  off  her  by  cancelling  the  ac+on  whenever  he  wanted  to  start  an  "innocent  game  of  kicky  bag,"  and  motherloded  me  into  a  fabulous  house.  

She  got  me  into  the  Landgrabb  Society,  just  because  she  liked  me.  And  now  I'm  well  on  my  way  to  fulfilling  my  life's  ambi+on  as  a  Mad  Scien+st.  

Edith  and  I  had  a  nice,  big  wedding,  with  the  whole  family  there.  

Here's  our  house.  Telescope,  robo+cs  sta+on,  chess  table-­‐-­‐I  mean,  what  more  can  a  Knowledge  Sim  like  me  ask  for?  

Oh,  yeah-­‐-­‐and  a  hot  tub.  Edith  says  those  can  be  preGy  nice.  

She  hasn't  been  this  nice  to  all  of  us.  For  example,  when  my  brother  Abner  got  married  to  Vanessa  Pederson,  she  hit  "Try  For  Baby."  You  can  imagine  what  happened  next-­‐-­‐-­‐  

.  .  .  and  then  Abner  says  she  showed  up  just  to  gloat.  .  .  

And  Abner  was  just  furious.  

And  you  can  see  how  much  she  cared  about  it.  

Author’s note: I feel no guilt about this. The twins weren’t my fault. At least my Simself worried about Vanessa: Abner just sat there and ate grilled cheese. He has a nice career in the military, charming twins, and a safe spot in the Sim Bin.

Brother  Abijah?  Married  and  Binned.  

She's  got  a  soI  spot  for  Sam,  too,  who'll  be  hos+ng  a  future  chapter.  Here  he  is  with  his  wife  Julie.  

Mom  grew  into  an  elder.  I  think  she  looks  even  preZer  now.  

And  she  sold  a  bestselling  novel.  

Mom  and  Dad  moved  into  a  new  house,  only  one  story  because  as  Renee  (aka  cowforbrains)  once  said,  two  stories  means  you  lose  track  of  Sims,  and  that's  how  Sims  die.  You  can  see  Dad's  toy  store  on  the  leI.  

Professor  BuGers  showed  up  to  welcome  them  to  the  neighborhood,  even  though  they'd  always  lived  there.  I  think  she's  a  liGle  grossed  out  by  Brandi  Broke  here.  

Things  were  not  easy  for  my  sister  Daisie  Mae  when  she  moved  back  in.  She  was  moving  along  in  the  Science  career  and  then  gave  herself  mysterious  diseases-­‐-­‐twice  in  a  row-­‐-­‐and  the  disease  took  a  toll  on  her  logic,  too.  It  took  her  forever  to  get  beGer.  Here  she  is,  was+ng  away  like  the  heroine  of  a  Victorian  novel.  We  were  all  very  worried.  

Remington  Harris  had  to  move  in  to  take  care  of  her.  And  before  you  start  to  say  "I'll  just  bet!"-­‐-­‐that's  exactly  what  he  did:  take  care  of  her,  cook  for  her,  and  then  he  slept  in  the  kids'  room.  I  don't  think  he's  all  that  bright,  but  his  heart's  in  the  right  place.  

It's  unusual  to  have  a  wedding  at  night,  but  that  was  the  only  +me  to  do  it,  because  Daisie  Mae  had  been  so  sick  and  she  was  going  back  to  work  the  next  day.  

Everyone  had  a  great  +me  anyway.  

I  thought  this  double  smootch  was  kind  of  embarrassing,  myself.  

I  don't  know  where  Cassandra  Goth  got  this  extra  boGle  of  champagne,  and  I  have  no  idea  why  Remington  felt  a  sudden  impulse  to  play  kicky  bag  with  her.  

He  certainly  took  off  for  the  honeymoon  in  a  hurry,  though.  

Oh,  boy.  I  don't  want  to  know  about  this  part,  either,  although  I  guess  I'm  glad  my  parents  have  a  happy  marriage.  

My  sister,  being  a  total  space  cadet.  She  was  such  a  complete  innocent,  though  she  does  know  Mom's  rules:  under  her  roof,  there  is  only  WooHoo  between  married  couples,  trying  for  babies.  And  I  guess  that  happened  right  away.  

And  just  when  everyone  was  seGled  down  for  a  nice  quiet  Barbie  Dream  House  kind  of  life,  my  sister  Hopeful  moved  back  from  college  in  the  middle  of  the  night  and  lost  no  +me  in  invi+ng  over  her  fiance,  Count  Jihoon.  .  .  

With  predictable  results.  

.  .  .  

.  .  .  

Now  here's  something  you  don't  see  every  day-­‐-­‐a  combina+on  crypt  and  beauty  parlor.  Hopeful  built  it  in  back.  She  decided  to  take  Vamprocillin-­‐D  and  work  her  way  up  the  Slacker  career-­‐-­‐and  then  she  could  invite  Jihoon  to  move  in  and  marry  her.  

Dad  grew  up  into  an  elder.  .  .  

And  Mom  celebrated  by  baking  a  nice,  big.  .  .  cheesecake.  

And  of  course  Daisie  Mae  ate  it  all.  

Don't  look  so  innocent,  Mom.  You  did  that  on  purpose!  

Poor  Remington.  He's  s+ll  cleaning  up,  even  though  my  parents  hired  a  new  maid.  Even  the  cats  give  him  aZtude.  

Mom  taught  Dreamboat  here  how  to  "shake,"  which  was  the  last  of  the  pet  commands  she  had  to  learn.  And  then  Dreamboat,  who's  at  the  top  of  the  Security  career  and  who's  had  her  kiGens  and  paid  her  dues,  was  sent  off  to  live  with  us  and  Max,  where  she'll  never  get  old.  

Pregnancy  with  twins  was  hard  on  my  sister.  We  hope  it  never  happens  again,  because  something  went  wrong  and  right  aIer  she  gave  birth,  she  went  into  aspira+onal  failure  on  the  bathroom  floor.  Twice  in  two  minutes.  The  Sim  Shrink  kept  visi+ng  and  meanwhile  she  was  starving  to  death  and  too  +red  to  eat.  Professor  BuGers  confesses  that  she  did  something  to  save  my  sister,  but  she  won't  admit  what.  

It  didn't  help  that  there  was  a  big  fire  right  before  my  sister  gave  birth,  set  by  Mom.  Mom,  of  all  people!  Mom  knows  perfectly  well  how  to  cook!  

The  funny  thing  about  this  is  that  most  of  the  +me  when  Mom  gave  birth,  she  was  all  alone.  Dad  even  drove  away  to  work  right  in  the  middle  once.  And  here  everyone  is  standing  around  watching,  and  they  can't  do  a  thing  to  help  my  sister,  who  really  was  about  to  die.  

And  of  course,  it  was  twin  boys,  neither  of  whom  can  inherit  the  place.  Doesn't  it  figure?  Here's  Tiny-­‐-­‐the  other  one  is  Joe.  They  have  Daisie  Mae's  real  hair  color,  which  is  black  (shh!).  It's  hard  to  tell  whose  eyes  he's  got,  because  both  my  sister  and  Remington  have  blue  eyes,  but  it  looks  as  though  he  may  have  inherited  my  Dad's  big  mouth,  poor  kid.  Well,  if  he's  like  me,  he  might  snag  a  beau+ful  wife  anyway.  

Daisie  Mae  finally  recovered  and  went  out  to  stargaze.  She's  on  maternity  leave,  but  I  think  she  wishes  more  than  anything  that  she  could  go  right  back  to  work.  She  wants  to  be  a  Mad  Scien+st  like  me,  and  she's  probably  about  to  be  promoted.  

Maybe  this  is  the  real  reason  why  my  parents  gave  me  Max,  but  I  don't  care.  Max  is  almost  at  the  top  of  the  Show  Business  career.  Edith  and  I  prac+cally  don't  have  to  work  because  the  cats  do  so  well  financially.  Edith  works  for  my  parent's  toy  business,  and  so  does  Julie,  Sam's  wife.  My  parents  don't  like  Edith  and  they  keep  wan+ng  to  fire  her,  but  her  sales  skills  have  helped  them  build  it  up  to  a  level  two  business.  

See?  Dreamboat  and  me,  living  the  life  of  Riley.  I  don't  have  to  Try  For  Baby,  and  as  the  eldest  of  seven,  I  appreciate  that.  My  cooking  skills  are  tops  and  I  can  serve  the  cats  Lobster  Thermidor  if  I  want  to.  

I  never  would  have  figured  Hopeful  as  the  maternal  type,  but  she's  great  with  the  twins.  This  is  Joe,  and  he  definitely  has  Mom's  eyes.  

Well,  yes,  the  whole  place  is  a  liGle  sickeningly  cute,  and  there's  a  lot  of  handholding  because  frankly  there  isn't  any  room  for  another  baby  and  that's  about  all  they  can  do.  But  that  snapdragon  plant  behind  Remington  and  Daisie  Mae  is  really,  really  useful.  They  have  one  in  just  about  every  room  in  the  house  and  it  makes  having  twins  and  cats  tolerable.  

It's  Hopeful's  crypt,  but  she'd  rather  be  in  the  main  house  watching  the  big  screen  TV.  Daisie  Mae  likes  to  sneak  off  to  eat  dinner  here,  though,  probably  because  it's  nice  and  quiet.  She's  ea+ng  pork  chops,  by  the  way.  The  whole  family  is  crazy  about  pork  chops-­‐-­‐which  makes  sense  because  almost  everybody  is  named  aIer  the  comic  strip  Li'l  Abner,  who  is  always  ea+ng  pork  chops.  Remington  and  Hopeful  are  puZng  on  weight,  but  Daisie  Mae  never  gains  an  ounce.  

Remington  brought  home  a  new  boyfriend  for  Darling,  named  Thay,  which  means  "Teacher"  in  Vietnamese.  He's  a  Birman,  and  they're  famous  for  being  Buddhist  temple  cats.  Anyhow,  we  hope  she  likes  him.  

Here's  the  double  birthday  party  for  the  twins.  

Surprise!  Joe's  a  blond!  And  I  think  he  looks  a  liGle  bit  like  Remington.  

Remington  wanted  to  teach  Joe  how  to  talk  right  away.  His  first  word  was  "Daddy"-­‐-­‐or  maybe  it  was  "Remington."  

Here's  Joe,  who  looks  a  lot  more  like  the  rest  of  us,  with  his  black  hair.  

Daisie  Mae  reached  the  top  of  the  Science  Career  ladder,  which  was  her  lifelong  dream.  Now  she  says  she  wants  to  learn  about  everything-­‐-­‐but  in  any  case,  if  she  has  more  babies  she  won't  go  into  failure  like  that  again.  

Hopeful  reached  the  top  of  the  Slacker  career  the  same  day,  a  testament  to  her  ability  to  manage  friends.  The  first  person  she  called  was  Count  Jihoon,  because  now  she  can  be  a  vampire  and  s+ll  keep  her  job,  and  she  wanted  very,  very  much  to  be  a  vampire-­‐-­‐or  just  to  be  with  him.  

Boy  was  she  happy  to  see  him  again.  It  had  been  a  long  +me!  

They  got  married  in  the  dead  of  night-­‐-­‐no  guests.  Hopeful  took  his  last  name,  Young-­‐-­‐she's  the  only  one  of  us  who  has  changed  it.  

Hopeful  says  there  are  certain  advantages  to  being  married  to  a  vampire.  

But  she  wouldn't  say  what  they  are.  

Count  Jihoon  made  Hopeful  into  a  vampire  again.  The  funny  thing  is,  he  must  have  been  sorry,  because  he  wanted  very  much  for  her  to  be  cured.  

Hopeful  says  that  aIer  the  first  +me,  it's  really  no  big  deal.  

What  do  two  newly  married  vampires  do?  Pillow  fight,  of  course.  

Daisie  Mae:  So  how  do  you  feel  about  having  a  vampire  for  a  brother  in  law?  

Remington:  I  dunno.  He  seems  all  right.  Takes  all  kinds  to  make  a  world.  

To  hear  Hopeful  tell  it,  her  short  marriage  to  Count  Jihoon  was  preGy  much  ideal.  

Again,  she  wouldn't  go  into  par+culars.  

Tragically,  however,  the  very  next  day  aIer  the  wedding,  Count  Jihoon  got  caught  in  the  sunlight.  He  must  have  been  so  elated  that  he  forgot  all  about  the  sun-­‐-­‐-­‐  

Or  something.  The  whole  thing  is  very  mysterious.  

They  say  his  last  thoughts  were  of  her-­‐-­‐  

Or  something  like  that.  

It  seems  like  a  roGen  way  to  go,  but  at  least  it's  quick.  

The  Grim  Reaper  said  there  was  no  excuse  for  carelessness.  

Evidently  when  one  of  the  Undead  dies,  it's  an  unusual  situa+on  requiring  a  phone  call  to  Grim  Death  Headquarters.  

AIer  less  than  twelve  hours  of  marriage,  all  that  was  leI  of  Count  Jihoon  was  this  simple  headstone,  a  pile  of  ashes,  and  an-­‐-­‐ahem-­‐-­‐puddle.  

Which  Mom  cleaned  up.  Who  knows  what  she  was  thinking.  She'd  always  wanted  six  of  her  children  to  marry,  but  like  this!  

Hopeful  slept  through  the  whole  thing.  

When  she  woke  up  and  found  out,  she  was  devastated.  

She  vowed  that  she  would  never,  ever  marry  again,  and  that  she  would  never  date  any  man  more  than  one  +me.  She  could  never  forget  Jihoon,  but  she  would  try  to  stay  cheerful  and  go  on  dates.  Lots  and  lots  of  dates.  

I  asked  her  if  in  fact  this  wasn't  exactly  what  she'd  always  wanted  in  the  first  place  and  she  told  me  to  shut  up.  

Trouble  was,  Hopeful  was  lousy  at  being  a  vampire.  She  kept  geZng  up  in  the  middle  of  the  day  and  finally  she  died.  My  mother  pleaded  with  the  Grim  Reaper-­‐-­‐and  won.  She's  a  very  tough  liGle  lady.  Meanwhile  Dad  said  enough  was  enough  and  stomped  off  to  the  phone  to  order  some  vamprocillin.  

I've  never  seen  a  Sim  need  two  energizer  charges  before.  Hopeful  was  dying  again  of  everything  at  once.  

And  then  Dad  ordered  her  to  drink  the  vamprocillin  and  quit  fooling  around.  We  think  she's  cured,  but  she's  s+ll  got  the  red  eyes  and  the  blue  lips.  

With  Count  Jihoon  gone,  there  was  now  room  for  a  baby.  It  looks  as  though  Remington  and  my  sister  took  full  advantage  of  the  opportunity.  

Well,  Hopeful  seems  to  be  okay.  You  can  see  the  blue  sky  through  the  shower  curtains  just  behind  her.  And  this  is  also  why  Hopeful  didn't  make  a  very  good  vampire.  She's  much  too  playful  and  gets  out  of  her  coffin  every  +me  she  gets  bored.  Nope-­‐-­‐she's  beGer  off  as  she  is.  

On  the  other  hand,  Count  Jihoon  seems  preGy  annoyed  about  something.  No  doubt  he  feels  he's  been  betrayed-­‐-­‐geZng  married  and  then  dying  like  that  sure  was  a  nasty  coincidence,  but  it  definitely  wasn't  Hopeful's  fault.  

Poor  Count  Jihoon.  But  s+ll-­‐-­‐a  ghost  vampire-­‐-­‐can  you  imagine  how  cool?  I  know  this  sounds  nerdy,  but  I  wish  I'd  been  there.  

There  he  is,  popping  out  of  the  coffin  that  someone  didn't  let  him  use-­‐-­‐but  was  it  Hopeful's  fault  that  there  weren't  two  coffins?  No-­‐-­‐I  think  we  have  to  ascribe  this  to  the  same  mysterious  set  of  circumstances  that  got  my  brother  Abner  in  the  Sim  Bin  with  a  set  of  newborn  twins.  

Here's  Joe.  Grouchy,  playful,  like  my  brothers  Abner  and  Abijah-­‐-­‐but  sloppy?  Who  ever  heard  of  a  sloppy  Goodytwoshoes?  Except  for-­‐-­‐um,  Remington.  

And  here's  Joe-­‐-­‐a  real  sweetheart  and  blond  like  his  mom  and  grandmom.  And  his  face  is  startlingly  like  Remington's.    

I  didn't  mean  that  the  way  it  came  out.  I  mean,  of  course  it's  like  Remington's-­‐-­‐who  else  would  he  look  like?  

Dad  teaches  Joe  what  is  supposed  to  be  in  the  human  body-­‐-­‐  

And  what  isn't.  

Darling,  I  don't  mean  this  as  a  slight  to  either  of  you,  but  you  eat  like  your  father.  

Meanwhile,  Hopeful  ran  into  Professor  BuGers  at  a  nightclub-­‐-­‐  

And  she  seemed  very  embarrassed  about  something  she  said  she'd  done.  

Author’s note: Professors make lousy money, but that doesn't mean I should take it out on Sims.

Daisie  Mae  gets  caught  in  labor  while  trying  to  max  her  skills-­‐-­‐  

And  gives  birth  to  a  cute  liGle-­‐-­‐BOY.  Named  Earthquake.  

Daisie  Mae:  But  are  you  sure,  Hopeful?  Remember,  you're  always  welcome  in  our  liGle  home.  

Hopeful:  Yeah,  trust  me.  I  know  exactly  what  I'm  doing.  

The  Squeaky  Clean  heir  has  to  be  a  girl.  And  the  house  was  packed!  Hopeful  figured  with  her  vampire  looks  the  fiIy  first  dates  thing  was  way  too  hard,  and  her  heart  wasn't  in  it  anyway.  So  she  moved  out  on  her  own-­‐-­‐  

And  Remington  sacrificed  some  more  sleep.  Poor  Daisie  Mae-­‐-­‐she's  having  the  same  roGen  luck  Mom  did.  I  think  she's  on  the  verge  of  encouraging  the  boys  to  play  in  the  street.  

Meanwhile,  Hopeful  moved  into  a  new  liGle  house  she  got  through  Motherlode  Mortgage  and  Loan-­‐-­‐  

-­‐-­‐furnished  it  with  the  stuff  from  the  old  crypt  at  home  plus  an  extra  coffin,  and  called  up  the  Grim  Reaper  to  resurrect  Count  Jihoon.  

It  was  a  very  happy  reunion.  

They  got  re-­‐engaged-­‐-­‐-­‐  

And  remarried,  and  Count  Jihoon  got  his  old  job  back  as  a  Professional  Party  Guest  like  Hopeful.  

Problem  was,  he's  not  any  good  at  the  vampire  thing  either!  Heaven  knows  how  he  managed  before  he  married  Hopeful,  but  aIer  a  nasty  sunburn,  Hopeful  lost  her  temper,  yanked  out  her  last  two  boGles  of  vamprocillin,  and  made  Count  Jihoon  drink  one.  He  celebrated  by  taking  out  the  trash  at  9  am  for  the  first  +me  probably  in  centuries  and  then  boogying  down  with  Hopeful.  

You'll  no+ce  that  Hopeful  was  wrong  about  her  skin  tone.  AIer  being  biGen  the  third  +me  and  drinking  more  vamprocillin,  she  went  right  back  to  looking  the  way  she  always  has.  

That's  all  I'm  going  to  say  about  this  picture.  

Count  Jihoon:  I  just  feel  so  at  peace,  you  know?  Like  I  don't  want  anything  to  change.  

But  I  guess  deep  down,  Hopeful's  her  mother's  daughter.  She  may  be  a  Pleasure  Sim,  but  she's  a  family  sim  underneath.  Or  she  got  careless.  

I  don't  think  anything  in  centuries  of  unliving  had  prepared  Count  Jihoon  for  this.  He  should  talk  to  Dad  some  +me.  

And  he  looks  awfully  pleased  with  himself.  

Of  course,  wouldn't  you  know  it,  they  had  a  girl  on  the  first  try.  Here  she  is,  Countess  Elizabeth,  named  aIer  some  rela+ve  Jihoon  says  he  had  back  in  the  old  country,  socking  her  vampiric  daddy  in  the  nose.  

Well,  with  that  flurry  of  babies,  Dreamboat  and  I  will  close  out  this  chapter.  Sam  and  Julie  will  bring  you  the  next  one,  or  maybe  Hopeful  and  the  Count,  who  knows?  Un+l  then,  happy  Simming!