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The Seed Journal Issue 2 - Intergenerational Conflicts within Korean Families.pdf
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Transcript of The Seed Journal Issue 2 - Intergenerational Conflicts within Korean Families.pdf
MSG JOURNAL SPRING 2012 |
Table of Contents
COVER DESIGNER: Jeff Sohn is a graduate of the Maxwell School of Citizenship and Public Affairs at Syracuse
University. His interests include politics and fishing, and he has a passion for traveling the world.
Contents
Uncommon Ground
Bridging the
Cultural Gap Reconnecting
with Parents
Counseling
Youth Intergenerational
Conflicts
Children’s
Education
Intergenerational Conflicts within Korean Families
Church and
Families
Editor-In-Chief: Margaret Park is a graduate of the Risk and Prevention Program at Harvard
Graduate School of Education (HGSE). There she also earned a Certificate of Advanced Studies
in counseling and She is also a licensed K-12 school counselor. Prior to pursuing her graduate
studies at HGSE, Margaret earned a M. Ed. in Childhood Special Education from Hunter College,
spent three years teaching in New York City, and taught one year in South Korea on a Fulbright
fellowship. Currently a counselor in South Korea, she hopes that the newsletter will raise
awareness on various mental health issues and benefit the readers. For any questions
regarding this newsletter, please contact Margaret at [email protected].
Contributors
Editor
Quaime Lee is a graduate of
Harvard College, Harvard
Divinity School, and
Northeastern School of Law.
His interests include theology
and history and he has a
passion teaching adult learners.
Layout Editor
Samuel Odamah is an administrative staff
member at the Harvard Graduate School of
Education. His interest in connecting with
people has led to cherished friendships in
several cultures including the Korean and
Chinese communities. Samuel studied
Architecture, and recently, Arts in Education
at schools in Texas, Wisconsin, and Boston.
Samuel enjoys giving architectural tours of
Harvard and MIT campuses.
Table of Contents
Bridging the cultural gap between
immigrant Korean parents and their 1.5
and 2.0 Korean American children
By Josephine Kim, Ph.D., LMHC, NCC
In my 16 years of counseling, most of the
problems that have been brought to my
attention by Korean families have been
due to cultural differences between the
parents and their children. With that in mind, let’s examine the main cultural
differences that cause conflicts in our
families.
ONE: Individualistic American culture says the “I” is the most important, and
one’s opinions and feelings are highly
valued. On the other hand, Korean culture says, “what matters more is the
‘We’.” Korean culture follows a
collectivist mentality in which the group’s ideals and needs are privileged
over one person’s thoughts or feelings.
TWO: American culture says that being
independent is not only healthy but
necessary to becoming an adult; however,
Korean culture holds that
interdependence of those in the group
creates our cultural identity, which in
turn passes on our heritage and tradition.
THREE: Furthermore, American and
Korean cultures see the centrality of the
family differently. In American culture,
personal needs trump familial needs, but in Korean culture, the family’s needs are
put first. In fact, children are seen as an
extension of the parents, and they exist
to bring honor to the family.
Josephine M. Kim, Ph.D., LMHC, NCC, is
the founding executive director of
Mustard Seed Generation and Lecturer on
Education in Prevention Science and
Practice/CAS Counseling at the Harvard
Graduate School of Education.
So what can be done to bridge this
cultural gap? While it can be a long,
challenging process, here are five steps
that can help to improve the
relationships between parents and
their children:
ONE: We must all realize it is normal
and appropriate for our families to
experience intergenerational conflicts
because the two cultures we are
balancing are extremely different. We
need to accept this difficult process as
healthy, natural, and even necessary.
This attitude adjustment will allow us
to approach the situation calmly and
rationally.
TWO: The next step to bringing healing
is to educate Korean American children
on Korean culture and to provide a
cultural context for their identity.
Once they begin to understand Korean
culture, they will begin to understand
their parents more deeply.
THREE: Parents must talk about the
Korean culture with their children,
giving special attention to comparing
and contrasting it with American
culture, without condemning American
culture. The key is to remain as
objective as possible and not present the distinctions as “wrong” and “right” but simply as “different.”
FOUR: Not only is it important for
children to become familiar with the
Korean culture, but parents must also
begin to make an effort to
understand American culture.
Parents and children need to talk openly and regularly with parents’
creating space for children to teach
them about American culture.
Parents also need to adopt those “American” ways of parenting that
have been found to be the most
effective with immigrant children.
Primary among these is a more
transparent communication of
feelings and thoughts.
FIVE: Parents must also spend quality
time with their children. When
parents and children do not spend
time together, it is natural that
relationships will become distant and
uncomfortable, regardless of the
cultural background. Time is well
spent in activities and conversations
that build meaningful relationships.
Each parent should have time set
apart for each child during the week,
and each family should have at least
one weekly family gathering. Without
such time and energy investments,
stronger relationships cannot be
forged and understanding cannot
take place.
MSG Journal Spring 2012 | www.msgeneration.com | 2
Reconnecting
with parents
through the help
of intervention
By Shinye Kim
Shinye Kim is a graduate of Busan
National University with a B.A in
Education and a graduate of the Risk
and Prevention Program at the
Harvard Graduate School of
Education. She is currently a Ph.D
student at University of Wisconsin-
Milwaukee.
When we talk about improving
communication between parents and
children, we mainly focus on the role of
parents and how they should initiate
conversations with their children.
However, this demonstrates a bias which
implies that only parents are responsible
for communicating with their children.
While I worked as an adjustment
counseling intern at a high school in
Boston, MA, the most common finding
among my students was that they did not really “talk” with their parents. This
motivated me to study this trend more
closely. Soon enough, I became
frustrated at the literature that only focused on the parents’ role and
responsibility. From my personal
experience and observations of students,
I believe it is just as important for
students to take ownership of their
interactions with their parents.
I myself did not talk very much with my
parents about my problems when I was
in grade school, but over time, I
have realized that it is extremely
helpful and important to do so.
families function best during adolescent
development when families are
adaptable and cohesive (Gaughan, 1995;
Green, Harris, 1991). Links between the
communication that occurs in the family
and adolescent outcomes have been
long found. Positive developmental
outcomes such as school achievement
(Gerogiou, 1995; Marta,1997), self-
esteem, and the ability to resolve
difficult life issues, have all been linked
with communication that is perceived as “open” by students. Conversely,
research has also shown that
detrimental adolescent outcomes such
as delinquency, pregnancy, self-harm,
rebelliousness, and alcohol and drug
abuse are linked to communication
between parents and adolescents that is perceived as “closed, conflictual,
emotional, one-sided, or devoid of certain topics” (Andrews & Others,
1995).
Thus, I propose a four-part group
workshop intervention model. I
chose a group workshop because
when students are with people
who share similar issues, they can
exchange meaningful feedback
and gain a sense of altruism.
There is also universality in
knowing they have a shared
experience. It is important to
provide them with a safe space to
disclose personal issues, so a
facilitator whom they can trust is
a must in order for this to work.
First, psychoeducation would
include educating students about
the importance of taking
responsibility for their
communication with parents. I
wish that I had learned this earlier,
especially during my middle and
high school years. Research has
shown that (Continued on next
page)
MSG Journal Spring 2012 | www.msgeneration.com | 3
Table of Contents
Before too much teaching takes place,
students should be encouraged to share
their feelings, and the facilitator should normalize and validate the students’
feelings and frustrations with regard to
communication with their parents.
After the psycho-education, five weeks
of group counseling-based workshops
would follow. For the first week, there
would be an introduction to the group
and students would establish group
norms. The facilitator would also assure
them of the confidentiality of the
workshops. The students would then
talk about general experiences with
their parents. This would not need to be
very detailed, but the first week ought to include the students’ sharing
thoughts about their own experiences.
The main focus of the first session
would be to build rapport and cohesion
in the group.
In the second week, the facilitator
would introduce the second part of the
intervention: role-playing. During these
sessions, the students would pair off,
create scenarios, and act them out,
with one being the child and one being
the parent. The scenarios might be
based on their own experiences or the
students might come up with
hypothetical cases. Imagining
themselves as parents could help them wear their parent’s shoes. After the
pairs have played out their scenarios,
the rest of the students would observe
and offer feedback. In the end, all of
the students would share what they felt about the activity and each other’s role-
plays.
Week three would involve introducing a reflection section on their ”Try-Out” activity and discussion. ”Try-Out” is a
way for students to plan and practice a
conversation and to actually have one
successful conversation with their
parents.
Some students might think that it is the adult’s responsibility to force them to
talk. Yet it is very important to remind
them of the crucial role they play in
communicating with parents. Some
might feel that talking less with parents
is natural as one gets older. It is
understandable that teenagers want to
find their own path
Reconnecting with Parents – With the Help of Intervention
and make their own choices. However,
the facilitator should mention the
benefits of talking with parents, noting, ”You probably want their help,
advice, support, or just their company at times.” This is also a good
opportunity to mention that talking to
parents can seem
difficult or intimidating at times,
especially when discussing certain
subjects. Students would be
encouraged to share their thoughts
with the group members after the
event. Even if the conversation was not
as successful as they had hoped, it
would still be valid due to the effort
that was made. By doing this activity,
the students would be able to gain
confidence in initiating conversations
with their parents while seeing various
examples from other group members
about how to start.
During the fourth week, group members would make “critical
friends.” Students would share one
parental communication issue that they
have had and the rest of the group
members would provide meaningful
suggestions to help the student solve
the issue. The presenting students
would focus on areas in which they are
especially interested in getting
feedback. Later, the group would have
a clarifying question time in which
group members would ask questions of
the presenter. The group members then would discuss the presenter’s
issue and brainstorm about the solution.
Lastly, group members, including the
presenter, would all talk together
about the presented issue.
For the last week, group members would have a “wrap up” time. Following
the group counseling form, termination
would be similar to a group counseling
termination session. Students would be
encouraged to talk about their feelings
and thoughts on the group activities
and share them with other group
members.
With respect to evaluating the
intervention, students would first self-
report after each session about how
they felt and what knowledge they
gained. Future interventions would be
adjusted to accommodate the feedback.
Five to six weeks later, the counselor
would conduct a phone interview with
parents about how they felt about the
intervention. Through this conversation
with the parents, the facilitator could
in turn offer constructive feedback to
the students. Even if the students did
not feel that they had done a good job,
their parents might feel the difference
and appreciate their efforts.
References
Andrews, D. W., & Others, A. (1995). The
adolescent transitions…; Education and
Treatment of Children, 18(4), 478-98.
Barnes, H. L., & Olson, D. H. (1985).
Parent--adolescent communication…;
Child Development, 56(2), 438.
Carlin, D. W. (1996). "Confirming…struggle“ final report
Enger, J. M., & Others, A. (1993).
Internal/External locus …
Guo, Y. (2009). Communicating with
parents…; Journal of Educational
Thought, 43(2), 171-190.
Moorhead, P. H. (1972). Overcoming the
communication gap …; Journal of the
National Association of College
Admissions Counselors.
MSG Journal Spring 2012 | www.msgeneration.com | 4
Counseling Korean
American Youths
by Margaret Park
with any discomfort, learn effective
communication methods, and find
means to help
the individual he or she is working with.
One of my former professors
recommended that counselors should
strive to understand cultural
differences between western and
Korean cultures. She advised avoiding simply encouraging students to “do
what feels right” or “making individual
choices that make one happy” without
considering cultural deference to
parents. Overall, she suggested
encouraging a holistic development of
self, which includes all aspects of
healthy development, including but
not limited to the intellectual part. It
is important to recognize that both
Korean and American cultures have
many positive aspects. There is value
in appreciating the strengths of both
cultures and viewing the idiosyncrasies
of each culture as different as opposed
to wrong, so steps can be taken
towards bridging the gaps between
parents and children and ultimately
creating a safe and loving environment
for families.
As someone who was born and raised
by Korean parents in the United States,
I am aware of the many challenges that
Korean Americans face including,
immigration traumas, the necessity to
navigate two cultures, and
intergenerational conflicts between
parents and children. I also have had
experience counseling Korean
American youth in clinical and school
settings and have found that my
clients/students bring up similar issues.
I asked some of my esteemed
colleagues who also are currently
counseling Korean American youth to
share their insights from their own
counseling experiences.
The counselors I interviewed observed
that their clients seemed to be overly
concerned with parental expectations,
school success, and getting into a “good” college. They also expressed
worry over making decisions. Moreover,
many counselors described their
Korean American clients expressing
feelings of inadequacy and ensuing
shame and guilt.
Korean American youth are fortunate
to have access to school counselors,
whose responsibilities include
supporting students so they can be
successful in school. The counselors’ roles encompass not
only providing a safe space for students
to talk about and process the counselor
to be empathetic
various life issues but also supporting
students with personal/social and career
development issues.
Overall, counselors play a vital role in
guiding students to make informed
decisions and ensuring that students
become well-adjusted and assiduous
adults.
As counselors, it is helpful that we are
aware that our values may influence our
practice. Effective counselors have a
strong sense of self-awareness; they also
understand their own cultural
conditioning, the conditioning of their
clients, and the sociopolitical system
they (the counselors) are in (Corey, 25).
When working with Korean American
students, it is useful to keep in mind--
without making overly broad
generalizations about the cultural
characteristics--the values, family
dynamics, acculturation issues, and
help-seeking patterns and attitudes. One
should recognize the impact of family on
Korean Americans and, as often as
possible, the use of family counseling as
the principal treatment modality.
In other words, if a student is having
difficulties stemming from family
dynamics, counselors may also find it
helpful to encourage outside family
counseling. However, because of Korean Americans’ sensitivity to shame and
unfamiliarity/skepticism toward
counseling, the chances of their
considering therapy can be low (Kim,
2005). Thus, it is important for
Margaret Park is a graduate of the Risk
and Prevention Program at Harvard
Graduate School of Education (HGSE),
where she earned an M.Ed. as a
prevention specialist. She also earned a
Certificate of Advanced Studies in
counseling at HGSE and is a licensed K-
12 school counselor.
References
Corey,G. (2009). Theory and Practice of
Counseling and Psychotherapy.
Yea Sun Eum, K. (2005). Guidelines and
Strategies for Cross-Cultural Counseling
Journal of Multicultural Counseling &
Development, 33(4), 217-231.
MSG Journal Spring 2012 | www.msgeneration.com | 5
Korean American adolescents must
balance two starkly different worlds: “the American world outside the home
and the world of their non-Americanized families” (Kim, Sarason,
and Sarason, 2006, p. 6). This aim of
integrating and balancing both Korean
and American cultures can lead to
conflict between parents and children,
particularly in the acculturation
experiences of both parties.
Varied rates of acculturation can
exacerbate conflict between parents
and children and can manifest itself as “emotional distance between parents
and children, interpersonal problems,
lack of self-confidence and
assertiveness, and anxiety and depression” (Ahn et al., 2008, p. 353).
Kim et al. (2006) found that Korean parents’ acculturation levels are
critical to their children’s
psychological health. Acculturation
involves four classifications:
Integration (a balance of both
cultures); Separation (adhering to only
the Korean culture); Assimilation
(completely adopting American
culture;: and Marginalization
(rejecting both Korean and American
culture) (Kim, Cain, & McCubbin,
2006). As may be expected, Korean
American, integrated adolescents are
much healthier emotionally than
marginalized adolescents.
Korean American children and
parents find themselves in conflict
because they must confront multiple
issues of integration (acculturation)
and identity simultaneously. In a
culture in which Confucian ideals are
Table of Contents
Immigration’s
impact on
intergenerational
conflict
By Jennifer Sohn, Ed.M., C.A.S
Jennifer Sohn is a graduate of
HGSE and Wellesley College. She
loves her immigrant parents very
much and is happy to be able to
make them proud.
embedded even in the language structure, “parents often equated
being ‘American’ with loss of respect
for elders – that is, the opposite of what it means to be ‘Korean’” (Lew,
2006, p. 77). As they strive to
transition into American culture, first
generation mothers and fathers are
more likely to be focused on
providing for the basic needs for their children and families “rather
than learning American culture and English” (Kim & Wolpin, 2008, p. 115).
As a result of this focus on survival
and because the parents are
struggling with their own
acculturation, parents may find that
they are unable to adequately address their children’s needs.
Negotiating the “cultural beliefs,
values, and attitudes implicitly absorbed during childhood” (Kim et
al., 2006, p. 6) as well as the “incongruity between their parents’
values, and the values held by American society” (Kim et al., 2006,
p. 6) is a really difficult task for
Korean American adolescents. This
tension between the values at home
and outside of the home can impact adolescents’ self-identity, which can
lead to psychological distress (Kim et
al., 2006). At the same time, Korean
American parents know that their
children need to be knowledgeable
about American values and customs
in order to be successful both
academically and socially (Kim &
Wolpin, 2008), but this does not
diminish their desire for their
children to be bilingual and
bicultural.
MSG Journal Spring 2012 | www.msgeneration.com | 6
Table of Contents
Education is seen as a tangible method
through which Korean American
children can advance in American
society. Korean parents see education as “an effective, if not the only, way to
achieve economic mobility” (Lew, 2006,
p. 27), however, parents are not the
only ones who hold this belief. Lew
(2006) found that Korean American
children also believe that education is
the key to long-term economic and
career successes. Even though Korean
American children also had academic
aspirations, Lew (2006) also found that
they struggled to reconcile their parents’ expectations and desires with
their own expectations and desires. Korean American parents’ lofty
expectations and close surveillance of the children’s progress may be
interpreted by their children “as signs
of distrust, hostility, and disapproval” and parents may “feel betrayed and
upset that their children are not making
choices that are consistent with their cultural values” (Ahn et al., 2008, p.
354).
It is quite natural for Korean parents to
get together and talk about their
children, the colleges they attend,
what careers they plan to pursue, and
what career they have achieved. While their children’s success may be of great
pride to Korean parents, some of the children “expressed resentment and
anger toward their parents and co-ethnic adults,” reacting to
objectification based on their
achievements. Korean American
students are not only expected to
excel in school, but their performance is tied to their family reputation: “How
parents were perceived by their co-
ethnic peers hinged, in part on how their children performed in school”
(Lew, 2006, p.37). As a result, Korean
American children feel the pressures of
academic success on an individual as well as collective level: the students’
successes have the power to provide
social mobility and honor to the family,
but can also be a source of shame
and/or social exclusion (Lew, 2006)
and they also feel that their
parents are unable to give them the
practical tools (advice about school or
jobs) to succeed, but nevertheless
expect excellence.
By applying a culturally sensitive
approach to conflict resolution and “given that a traditional Korean
parent-child relationship is
characterized by respect and
obedience, cognitively flexible
children could have the skills to
develop creative methods to
accommodate this traditional
cultural expectation while satisfying their own needs” (Ahn et al., 2008, p.
360). Children and parents both play
a critical role in understanding one
another in the context of their
immigration histories and can benefit
greatly from communicating with one
another about their lives. By providing insight on parents’
histories as well as exploring the
realities of living in America, children
and parents can begin to bridge the
intergenerational gap.
Immigration’s impact on intergenerational conflict
“따라해봐 -
I am proud to be Korean
American!”
“I am proud
to be Korean
American”
MSG Journal Spring 2012 | www.msgeneration.com | 7
References
Ahn, A. J., Kim, B. S. K., & Park, Y.S. (2008).
Asian cultural values gap, cognitive flexibility,
coping strategies, and parent-child conflicts
among Korean Americans. Cultural Diversity &
Ethnic Minority Psychology, 14 (4), 353-363.
Kim, D., Sarason, B. R., & Sarason, I.G. (2006).
Implicit social cognition and culture: Explicit
and implicit psychological acculturation, and
distress of Korean-American young adults.
Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 25
(1), 1-32.
Lew, J. (2006). Asian Americans in Class: Charting the Achievement Gap Among Korean American Youth. New York, NY:
Teachers College Prep.
Kim, E., Cain, K., & McCubbin, M. (2006).
Maternal and paternal parenting, acculturation, and young adolescents’
psychological adjustment in Korean American
families. Journal of Child and Adolescent
Psychiatric Nursing, 19 (3), 112-129.
Kim, E. & Wolpin, S. (2008). The Korean
American family: Adolescents versus parents
acculturation to American culture. Journal of
Cultural Diversity, 15 (3), 108-116.
Moon, S.S. (2008). Acculturation, social
support, and family conflict: Korean-American adolescents’ perceptions. Child and Adolescent
Social Work Journal, 25 (3), 227-240.
Parents’ passion for
children’s education and
intergenerational conflicts By SooHyun Baek
Korean parents are famous for their passion for children’s education.
According to Korean national
statistics, 13% of the average total
income per household is spent on children’s education—the second
largest household expenditure (Statistics Korea, 2010). The parents’ passion for children’s education has
served as an impetus of remarkable
economic growth and national
development of Korea (Jung, 2009;
Hyun et al., 2003). However,
nowadays parental zeal concerning their children’s educational
advancement is being criticized due
to various educational issues
associated with this enthusiasm
(Hyun et al., 2003). Particularly,
many intergenerational conflicts
within Korean families are often caused by parents’ excessive
emphasis on education and the
resulting demands on their children
(Hyun et al., 2003; You et al., 2000;
Cho, 1999 etc.). Last year, a 13-
year-old boy deliberately set fire to
his house and killed his entire family,
including his parents, younger sister
and grandmother. His rage was
against his father for not allowing
him to attend an arts high school
and for forcing him to go to an
academic high school, which
led him down a path of no return
(Josunilbo, Oct. 21. 2010). This tragedy was the result of parents’
excessive focus on education while ignoring their children’s desires and
opinions.
In general, an unhealthy parental emphasis on their children’s education
is expressed through the parents’
unreasonable educational expectations
of their children, excessive control
over their study habits, or pressure for
better achievement. All of these
behaviors and attitudes trigger various
types of intergenerational conflicts.
You et al. (2000) found that more than
27% of runaway teenagers in Korea left
home as a way out of parental control and schoolwork pressure. Parents’
stress on school performance not only
causes external issues such as student
delinquency but it also triggers students’ internal conflicts like mental
stress.
In Hyun et al. (2003), many Korean
students demonstrated emotional
difficulties and psychological
stresses like test anxiety due to their parents’ expectations of school
achievement. Among all school-aged
students, Middle school students in
particular, who experience rather
dramatic physical and psychological
changes, were the most susceptible to
those stresses. They reported that they
felt significant mental pressure when
their parents expected improvement
on school performance; when they
were told to study hard at home; and
when their parents compared their
grades with those of their peers. Given
that the educational enthusiasm is
rooted in a universal desire of parents
to provide
Soohyun Baek earned her Ed. M in
Human Development and Psychology at
HGSE. She is currently a researcher at
Korea Research Institute for Vocational
Education and Training (KRIVET) in
Seoul.
their children with better education,
its resulting problems should not be
unique to in Korea. Yet this zeal
seems to be causing more serious
social problems when compared to
other countries. This is because the
conflicts are being uniformly
manifested across a whole society
that places a high priority on
attending prestigious universities.
This is grounded in the historical and
cultural background that emphasizes
the important role and status of
school in the Korean society (Hyun et
al., 2003). Therefore, on one hand,
education programs for appropriate
child education should be developed
for parents to change the negative
trend of Korean educational
enthusiasm to a healthy and positive
direction. On the other hand, it is
important to provide educational
and mental support systems for
children to minimize the
intergenerational conflicts aroused by Korean parents’ educational
enthusiasm, such as programs to help
students to better understand their parents’ generation and to
communicate more effectively with
their parents; and group or
individual counseling to support
them in dealing with their mental
and emotional difficulties.
Furthermore, governmental efforts
in establishing a climate that
appreciates individual abilities more
than individual academic credentials
or backgrounds will be another key
to helping to deal with this issue
from its root.
MSG Journal Spring 2012 | www.msgeneration.com | 8
How the church
can help families
bridge the
generation gap
By David Larry Kim
David Larry (DL) Kim is the Lead Pastor at
Harvest, an inter-generational English-
speaking congregation of the Korean
Presbyterian Church of Orlando. He is
joyfully married to Olivia and is the happy father of Emmanuelle (“Manny”). He is
thrilled and cannot wait to meet his son
who will be joining his family soon.
have paved the way for them.
But ministry is not fully inter-
generational unless families are
involved. So we began meeting with
our Korean-speaking congregation, to
which many of the parents belong.
Out of this came a desire to bring
together parents, teachers and youth,
which spawned bi-monthly ParTAY!
Times (Parent, Teacher, And Youth).
These meetings were birthed out of a
longing to create systems for the
church to work alongside families in
the discipleship and healing ministry
of our youth. Our Korean-American
culture has become so busy and so
specialized that parents outsource
almost everything to others. Our
children take piano lessons from one
person, use a tutor for help in school,
and attend sports practices with still
someone else. One family in Orlando
even hired a nanny every day to
watch TV with the children so that
the mother could sleep and watch TV
in her own room undisturbed for
hours every day!
Our ParTAY! Times were thus borne
out of necessity. While outsourcing
has some benefit, the responsibility
for raising and spiritually discipling
children must be a collaborative
effort. We saw the devastating
effects of sin in the lives of our youth
when these roles have been
outsourced or ignored.
I remember I was hanging out with a
group of people the first time I heard
someone say it. It had been a long
night and it was time to go home. I
remember being appalled that
someone had actually thought, and I
was even more shocked when someone said out loud, “Let’s make like a
Korean church and split.”
There is a steadily growing rift in many
first and second-generation Korean
American churches, leading to divisions
not because of politics or preferences
or sin, but because of generational
issues. Some of these are legitimate
and healthy. Others are not.
Unfortunately, one of the primary God-
given means to bringing healing has
become the cause of pain for many. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
In his book Courageous Leadership Bill Hybels writes, “There is nothing like
the local church when it’s working
right. Its beauty is indescribable. Its
power is breathtaking. Its potential is
unlimited. . . Whatever the
capacity for human suffering, the
church has a greater capacity for healing and wholeness. . .”
I believe that the Korean church can
still be this kind of place--of beauty,
power, potential and healing. We’re seeing it in our little corner of
the world in Orlando. For the past nine
years, our English-speaking
congregation has been intentional
about being inter-generational,
including incorporating youth and
adults in worship. We now have
worshipers between the ages of 12 and
50 with roughly 40-45% being students
and the remainder being single or
married adults. This has fostered a
family-friendly environment where
mentoring can naturally take place.
In keeping with the call of Kara Powell
of Fuller Youth Ministry, Mark Matlock
of Youth Specialties, and others, we
have actively encouraged the older
generation to lead the younger better
and for the younger congregants to
pray for those who
MSG Journal Spring 2012 | www.msgeneration.com | 9
Table of Contents
Furthermore, the senior pastor of our
Korean Ministry (KM) also did not want
to see this generation lost. Therefore,
we began to communicate this to our
key youth leaders and the parents of
our youth. We took extensive surveys of
parents and youth, asking them about
their relationships, their struggles,
their secrets, seeking to create a
culture of openness. Blindly thinking
the best of their kids, so many parents
did not want to believe that their
children were suffering or at risk. But
once they saw that the crisis was real
and within their own homes, they were
ready to listen. Many were shocked at
the extent to which their own children
struggle with issues such as same-sex
attraction, drug use and suicidal
thoughts. Yet into this brokenness,
grace and the gospel can truly be
received.
We framed our ParTAY! Times as a
collaboration between the church and
families to help raise disciples of Christ.
Each month, prior to the meeting, we
would distribute either surveys or questionnaires to “prime the pump” for
the ParTAY! Time. When the day came,
we would provide lunch before meeting
together in the main sanctuary. To
facilitate communication we would
begin with an update on the youth
ministry, followed by sharing a few
words to frame the discussion. Then
there would be a large-group teaching
on a given topic, such as
communication, love languages,
cultural differences and struggles teens
face. After large group time,
participants went to their respective
Sunday School classes. There, parents
and children would meet in discussions
facilitated by the teachers. As a culture
of trust became established, and
attendees came to see that the other
parties were not the enemy, great
potential for healing became clear.
From the outset, many tears were shed.
Secrets were revealed. Hurts were
surrendered. Forgiveness was extended.
Reconciliation occurred. It is said that “Revealing the feeling is the start of
healing.” For many,
ParTAY! Times were the beginning point
of healing. During one session, Young, the
father of a high-school junior named Sang,
spoke of how proud he was of his son.
Sang had an older brother named Myung
who was brilliant at math. Young was a
math professor in Korea and always doted
on Myung because he saw so much of
himself in him. Whenever Myung did well
in school, Young praised and celebrated
him. Sang on the other hand, was a state
champion soccer player but was never
recognized for his talents. When Young
began to share about how much he loved
his son and asked forgiveness for the
favoritism he had shown to Myung, tears streamed down Sang’s face. He would
later tell his dad, “I never knew that you
loved me that much.”
As a result of these gatherings,
testimonies have flowed freely. ParTAY!
Times have opened up opportunities for
teachers to get involved in the lives of
the families outside of church. Parents
have invited teachers into their homes
so that together they can better minister
to their children. Parents feed the
teachers great food and teachers have
acted as bridges between the parents and
their children. As a result, parents and
their children are talking more at home.
Children have begun to
How the church can help families bridge the generation gap
view the home as a safe place to be
real and vulnerable.
Teachers have emphasized the need
for families to worship, share and
pray together. During family
worship, parents and children are
now talking about issues in their
lives that would otherwise not have
been shared. One high school
student who had long harbored
bitterness and mistrust towards her
parents said that her family had
committed to regular devotion time,
no matter how hard it may have
been. In the midst of praying for one
another, she said that her eyes
started to water at the joy of
worshiping the Lord with her family.
This would not have happened
without the prodding of her teacher.
As a result, a generation is growing
up embracing family and
appreciating the breathtaking power
and potential of the church.
People have said that the church is
always just one generation away
from extinction. However, it is
possible for a generation to be saved.
AND it is possible for a generation to
see the life-giving power of the
church. But in order for the next
generation to be nurtured in hope and faith, it must be a joint effort
MSG Journal Spring 2012 | www.msgeneration.com | 10
We must do this together.
What is SO great
about a son
anyway?
By Sarah Sunah Hyun
neglected. What was so great about
the son? Why did many women
including my mother have to suffer
so much because of something that
cannot be controlled?
I believe nobody in this world can
give a legitimate answer to that
question. Who can be the judge of
whether the son is greater than the
daughter? Many countries--including
Korea--have (had) male chauvinistic
cultures. Women (girls) are still
suffering astonishingly because of
such bias. Thankfully, Korea has changed as evidenced in my sister’s
relationship with her mother-in-law.
Even though my sister had a
daughter as her first child, my
niece was very welcomed and loved.
Young parents from our generation
prefer a daughter rather than a son. There is a funny saying, “딸 2명 있
으면 200점, 딸 1명 아들 1명 있으면 100점, 아들 2명 있으면 0점.” It
shows how much the rotten
intergenerational conflict between my grandparents’ and parents’
generation has changed.
Now my mother chuckles when she
reminisces about her relationship
with my grandparents. Often when
she visits my grandfather’s grave,
she murmurs to my grandfather
how she is proud of her two
daughters. I truly hope Korean 며느리들 (daughters-in-law) no longer
suffer or experience painful
conflicts with their parents-in-law
due to something that is God’s will.
At 5:30 AM, the phone rang. The
tranquility of dawn was unexpectedly broken. “Hello?” my mom answered
the phone quietly. Few minutes later
she slowly put the phone down and
she burst out crying. I did not know
why she was crying nor did I know
that it was my grandfather who had
called that morning. I was only 10
and too young to understand the
agony my mother faced in her daily
struggle with my grandparents about
not giving them a son. When the 9 o’clock news aired the
previous night, there was a news
report about a 3.5 kg baby boy who
was thrown away by a 15-year-old girl
after delivering him in a public
restroom. My grandfather had called
the next morning to tell my mom to
adopt that baby.
My father is the eldest son of the
Hyun family (a.k.a. 장손), and
according to the tradition and ritual,
our family needed a son who can
carry down the family name. Even
though my immediate family was very
happy with my sister and me, my
grandparents obviously were not. I
used to hate the fact that I was a girl.
If only I was born as a son, my
parents and grandparents would have
been extremely happy. Also, my
mother would not have to go through
such emotional stress over the years. It wasn’t until years later that I
realized this reality in my family was
not just from having mean
grandparents; in fact, a lot of Korean
daughters-in-law have undergone
cold rebukes because they did not
have a son. 장명소 (a place where
people pay money to
receive a meaningful name from a
fortuneteller; a lot of mothers used to
visit 장명소 to obtain a name that will
bring a son to their family) were very
popular among my mother’s generation.
Many books were published that taught
mothers how to conceive a son. It was
common to see many families with
five/six daughters and have a son as the
youngest child. Many women led a
difficult married life at the hands of their
parents-in-law because they did not have
a son. There were many rituals that the
family would celebrate whenever the son
was born, but none for the birth of a
daughter. Rather than celebrating having
a girl, many mothers felt ashamed and
were
Sarah Hyun graduated from
Harvard Graduate School of
Education (HGSE) and is
currently working at
Korean Educational
Development Institute in
Korea.
MSG Journal Spring 2012 | www.msgeneration.com | 11
Folk Games
A variety of folk games are played on
Chuseok to celebrate the coming of
autumn and a rich harvest. Village folk
dress themselves to resemble cows or
turtles and go from house to house, along
with a Nongak band playin gmusic. Other
common folk games played on Chuseok are
tug-of-war, ssireum, archery, and gama
fighting, although folk games also vary
from region to region. The Gangansulae
dance, forming a circle under the moon, is
performed by women and children in
southwestern coastal regions, while
cockfighting and bullfighing occur in the
southern regions.
Chuseok
by Shinye Kim
Chuseok is a major harvest festival and a three-day
holiday in Korea, originally known as Hangawi (한가위)
(from archaic Korean for “great middle“).
Traditional Customs
In modern South Korea, on Chuseok
there is a mass exodus of Koreans to
their hometowns to pay respect to
the spirits of their ancestors. People
perform ancestral worship rituals
early in the morning. They often visit
the tombs of their immediate
ancestors to prune plants and clean
the area around the tomb, and offer
food, drink, and crops to their
ancestors. Harvest crops are
attributed to the blessing of
ancestors.
One of the major foods prepared and
eaten during the Chuseok holiday is
songpyeon (송편), a crescent-shaped
rice cake which is steamed upon pine
needles. Other foods commonly
prepared are japchae, bulgogi, and
fruits.
Chuseok is a major harvest festival
and a three-day holiday in Korea,
originally known as Hangawi (한가위) (from archaic Korean for “great
middle“). Falling on the 15th day of
the 8th month of the lunar
calendar, its concept is similar to
the Thanksgiving holiday in the U.S.
Origins
Historically and according to popular
belief, Chuseok originates from Gabae.
Gabae started during the reign of the
third king of the kingdom of Silla (57 BC -
935 AD), involving a month-long weaving
contest between two teams. On the day
of Gabae, the team that had woven more
cloth would win and be treated to a
feast by the losing team. However, it is
also said that Chuseok marks the day
Silla won the great victory over the rival
kingdom of Balhae. It is believed that
weaving and archery competitions and
martial arts demonstrations were held as
part of the festivities.
Many scholars also believe Chuseok may
originate from ancient shamanistic
celebrations of the harvest moon.
References
The Academy of Korean Studies, ed.
(1991), "Chuseok", Encyclopedia of
Korean People and Culture, Woongjin
(in Korean)
Farhadian, Charles E. (2007). Christian
Worship Worldwide. Wm. Bm.
Eerdmans Publishing.
Korea University Institute of Korean
Culture, ed (1982). "Social Life".
Korean Heritage Overview. 1. Korea
University (in Korean)
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