THE FESTIVE SHOPPER!

Abandon all hope ye who enter!

THE OCCASIONAL SHOPPER FESTIVAL EDITION WELCOME FESTIVAL 2013

Day 2 Western

Theme: Aqua5th May 2013

Day 1 Eastern

Theme: Arabian Nights4th May 2013

Meray pyaray first years, you have not been ragged. This is the same as never having been loved. You have awkward shifty eyes, affected gaits and mouths slow to open, all signs of stunted carnal experience. So here’s the proposition I put forward keeping solely your benefit in mind – get ragged, and people in your batch will know you’re getting some the minute you saunter into that drafting stu-dio. Your sphincter loose and easy like an old friend, you will lean up against the doorway like a victorious Casanova, your fingers will dance across your 20” by 30” (leaving no lead stains of course) in exquisite coordination, you will have in your eye the alluring glint of a genius at work and once done you will swagger out like a feline beast on its own turf. That means you can throw that Axe away and shift to a deodorant you actually like! Now, given our premise above, we may es-

tablish if you do not get ragged, you are a sourpuss prude. But this festival, little ones, is a chance for you loosen up those rigid priggish muscles and get groovy. If you’ve been listening closely at the grapevine, you will know that the organising team and su-pervising faculty members had to work ex-tra hard this year to see this festival through despite trying budget constraints. Sir Imran Qureshi who usually handles the festival is M.I.A. and Sir Fakhar and Madam Attia, also festival veterans, have undertaken the task of making sure this college does not get as drab as you first years would have it! This is it, this is the point where you let go and breathe easy, zoom out of your 8 am to 2 30 pm anthill routine and actually look at all this commotion about you. The themes chosen for this festival have raised many an eyebrow and tickled many a fancy; who does not want everyone around them dressed as belly dancers and sea anemone? And if mis-ter Squarepants can so wonderfully liven up an otherwise quiet and lacklustre place, so can you! Get into the festive spirit, don your costumes, and get ready for your first taste of the real NCA. This brings us to my last piece of advice

to you as an octogenarian in college years… For God’s sake man, live a little! Experiment, make lots of noise and even more art (and I don’t mean in your studio for academic rewards!), join -balkay make - societies, go beyond those ridiculous barbed wires, don’t just desert these hallways as soon as you get the chance, almost every inch of every plane of these premises is yours to explore for the next four or five years, and they might

never be yours this way again. Own your col-lege, don’t hang about waiting for others to tell you how things are done (except in first year - in first year you are playthings) and stop being conformist bastards for the love of God!

A message from Captain Nasir of the SS Shopper: Arrr! Thank you pliss excuse me. Arghh! The an-chor is raised, the masts are set, off to the canteen to break some bread!

SS SHOPPER

Dated: 3rd May 2013

Scandal seems to be a permanent ingredient in the making of our festivals and this time round is no different. Budget concerns esca-lated to the point where first years were heard whispering amongst themselves that they probably wouldn’t get a welcome! The mere idea of this must’ve sounded as ridiculous to certain faculty members as it did to most of us, for help was at hand and concerned facul-ty members stepped up to support the cause. With the aid of Madam Irum Zia, Sir Fakhar and Madam Attia, the derailed merriment was brought back on track, the festival bud-get miraculously skipped over all the red tape, and within hours the fate of the festival was favourably sealed! After the last few weeks’ rather unnerving

game of Is It Isn’t It, Afaq and Usman have finally managed to defeat the odds and the tradition of the two-day biannual festival is to be continued. These festivals pretty much

form the backbone of inter-year interaction at NCA and one shudders to think of a state of affairs when something so positive and essen-tial is sidelined. It will certainly be a sad day if such a thing does come to pass. The com-mitted festival organization team has worked around the clock, through a national holiday (Labour Day, ironically enough), especially getting shops opened to buy the material they needed. What has been the most pleasant improvement from recent festivals however is the re-introduction of proper posters that are so crucial to building the hype for these festivals, the funding of this here festival pub-lication, and invites (to the delight of many faculty members who finally felt involved!).Relatively milder hostelite participation seen

this year amongst the organization team vol-unteers. Many star-eyed volunteers did, how-ever, express a desire to exhibit their disc jock-eying talent; amongst them Nadaal, Adeel Gul and Sadaam but of course they had neither the muscles nor tattoos required for the task. Speaking of missing things, this welcome will not get to see the hostelite Ganj day tradition. This is essentially senior hostel boys taking artistic liberties with first year hostel boys’ hairdos, armed with shaving equipment. So instead, we offer you our virtual take on these acts of imposed baldness (turn to the last page). However, one thing we cannot com-pensate for (if it does go missing) is a flash mob appearance by the people that brought you “Hip-hop is not dead.” These surprise performances do liven up the festive environ-ment with controversy, if not an actual show. And finally, the most important consid-

eration for everyone: the themes! Day One themed ARABIAN NIGHTS forecasts are belly dancers, ambient orientalist lighting, opium fumes, and opulent silks (Just kidding, we know that word probably runs in the oth-er direction at the thought of being associated with us and our institution – unless the main courtyard is booked by a multinational for their corporate dinner in which case there’s plenty of opulence to go about). For Day Two, themed AQUA, the decoration teams are going for psychedelic with live VJing (light-based visualizations accompanying and re-sponding to live music), UV lights, jellyfish, an aquarium, and DJ Fauji (he’s clue number ?? in the crossword in case you’re wondering). The only rules, the festival committee warns, are 1) no white shirts on Day Two and 2) no shirts on Day One! With the team’s politi-cally-charged motto of ‘tabdeeli aa gayi’, ev-eryone is garnering high hopes, and it seems like these gentlemen (and their stout women helpers) will not disappoint!

DOWN AND DIRTYwith the organizers!

Afaq AhmedCo-chief Organizer

Usman AzizCo-chief Organizer

Hina AfzaalSecurity In-charge

Usman KhalilDecoration

Uswa AmjadPublication

Amna IrfanPublication

FerozDisc Jockey

Salman GoharCatering

The rest of the team: Saad Qasmi (Catering), Munib Shahzad (Production) Decoration Team:Amra, Aroosha, Iqra, Sidra, Saba, Nida, Asma, Sana, Momina, Rabya Hamid, Bibi Hajra

Caricatures courtesy of Ali Saad

Nayyab AyyazSocieties

Eastern:

Despite some needless controversy, the players are back on track with a director that likes to take on challenges, and work-ing Sundays! This melodious bunch seeks to please the crowd this festival with upbeat and popular tunes. Obaid’s song compila-tion this time around has been driven by its entertainment value as he says he feels this is what people really want on such an occasion. We are told to expect some Me-kaal Hasan and Bollywood party numbers, which is quite a jump to say the least! Some vocal talent from Gilgit has reportedly joined their ranks, and much experimen-tation in sound amplification and techni-cal optimisation has been brewing. Are we looking at the new and improved Eastern? Will the first year outdo Mahrukh’s Fevicol cover? WILL ASFAR RETURN?? I guess we’ll just have to wait and see!

Western:

A rare but not unprecedented step for this surprisingly disciplined society, a quirky second year has stepped forward to lead these noise-loving men, Mina and Maira through dark territory with cleverly placed sunshiney RHCP numbers, the mandatory Junoon cover, and some Bollywood shock therapy! Faraz says he is glad to have played festivals with Lala, Fawad and Sarim before their graduation, and to have learnt what the spirit of Western is all about (For Sa-rim, “NCA is Western”) but points out that the songlist is often dictated by what can be played rather than what they would like to play. Faraz welcomes the respite that his commitment to the society brings from an otherwise dreary college life and ensures that everyone is equally devoted - Onaiz, we are told, skipped his brother’s engage-ment. But one thing the latter and Faraz agree on is that the four new additions in the shape of shape first years need to be put in place… or a cubicle! In either case, this performance is bound to get you off your feet and go groovy!

Notanki:

This time’s Notanki revolves around the story of a family that Satan has decided to trouble – a perfect setting for some classic

Notanki hullabaloo! Lord have mercy on the wooden stage when these boys boogie on it, for boogie they shall! Daniyal insists that good acting emerges from keen ob-servation of and exposure to the world. He says even if working from a script, he does not want his actors to grow so dependent on it that they are unable to improvise, a skill which is a direct consequence of ‘be-ing in character’. What remains to be seen is whether an eccentrically-named female character will form the centre of all the commotion like the last two festivals or something new will emerge with the nine promising first years that have populated Notanki this year. Like Alif Adaab, this so-ciety draws on the expertise of past mem-bers to make sure the performance retains its authentic Notanki flavour… Let the chanting begin! No.. Tan.. Ki!

Mime:

These silent performers are putting on their cowboy hats this festival to bring you a solidly themed show, with the occasional random appearance thrown in! They plan to go strong on the makeup, and bring in more character-based narrative this year. Umar says nearly half of their team are first years, and this ought to lend some won-derful energy to the performance. Co-di-rector Amna(?) says it is fascinating to see people change from their everyday perso-nas into different characters once they step onto the stage. Rivalling puppeteers’ previ-ous strength (20 performers!), Mime may be hard put to fit the budget but obviously means business this time.

Skits:

Cause of much fear and anxiety amongst couples, oddballs and – we would like to imagine – faculty members, Zarbakht and Nudrat say they plan to dial down the in-dividual terrorising this year. Dealing with wider subject matter and more general issues, the duo aim to expand their au-dience by letting more people ‘in’ on the punchline rather than have a specific part of the auditorium erupt in fitful laughter at recognising all-too-familiar situations and references. Given last year’s Simpsons theme, skits themes are a much awaited feature of the performances. For that is what Skits do, they bring you the rumours so you do not have to get your hands dirty! Introducing a surprise technique into their ensemble, this populous team plan to stick to tradition in one way at least – they will make administrative issues the butt of their jokes. So if you are a first year and you have something to gripe about, you know where to go!

Puppeteers:

Having staged some wonderful experi-mentation with shadows and an outstand-ing performance complete with recorded dialogue, these behind-the-scene people popped on scene with a bang last year and proved they are not to be taken lightly. This festival, however, Usman says, he wants to return back to the basics and simplify the performance. After much experimenta-tion in previous performances, we are told to expect very simple props but used well with backlighting for stark impact. The act is named “drop” and is entirely mu-sic-based. A popular society with Masters folk, this society too continues to recruit.

NT Mime:

This year’s neo-transitional mime (that’s right it’s an acronym, not “anti”!) is more story-based. It is a loose adaptation of the plot of Kamila Shamsi’s novel Kartography. Sidra and assistant director Mariam plan to stick to their established style with in-strumental background music, almost no dialogue and minimal set and props. They insist, however, that they do have a sur-prise up their sleeves. Five first years work-ing have joined them, one of them pushed onto the stage from the production arena. They heartily thanked Bibi Hajra Arbab for graciously helping them out with produc-tion and asserted that without this angel-ic savior the performance could not have been possible(!).

The End:

Headed by Baqir Mehdi and Ali Atif, this film society plans to break with many pre-vious trends. Instead of sticking to com-edy, this screening will be closer to the thriller or suspence genre and will be shot on the team’s DSLRs rather than handyc-

ams as in the past. Some of the scenes have a background score, so the film promises to be musically and visually different, with more dialogue featuring. The plot revolves around an angel of death, a depressed girl, and a creep, it is revealed. Baqir pointed out that this society have different work dynamics that make it hard to retain re-cruits once they join because it isn’t possi-ble to keep a fixed work schedule. He has tried to tackle this problem, however, by delegating and distributing responsibility at the initial stages so specific people are accountable for specific duties. Noormaha is incharge of the story, Mahnoor is han-dling the actors, and Hatim the budget.’

Alif Adaab:

This year’s team is confidant and consists mostly of Film and TV first years and a happy Donia says they’re loyal to the so-ciety and doing an excellent job as some of them even have extensive past experi-ence in theatre such as Arslan. With a few technical shashkas and minimal set, the team is doing a show unlike the usual Alif Adaab. CAUTION: this performance con-sists of a lot of English dialogues and se-riously threatens to develop the audience otherwise impaired listening skills! So stop making noise and listen closely if you want to get the what the hell is going on!

Dance:

After last festival’s exuberant encore, these sprightly lot have gotten even more playful this year we are told. Dance is themed to a spooky haunted setting this year, all set to make your skin crawl. Sacrificing their brawn to DJing duties this festival(!), Ee-sha says they’re still man enough to take on any dance acts that may seek rivalry with them and will gladly dig a grave for Hip hop through their killer moves! Bring it on, I say, the more dance, the better. I know I always feel good after watching these enthusiastic new folks on stage. Rest assured, they know what you like and you are vouchsafed the customary item song (think fevicol)! The end will see a plot twist, we are told in whispers. I’m already excited!

The Shopper Team:We here at the shopper believe in reviv-ing certain ridiculous traditions that make this place what it is, and that is where our name springs from. This year we are pay-ing homage to the Ganj day custom by recreating it in another form and covering the festival in print format, another prac-tice abandoned since the 2009 farewell and resurrected in 2011. Our philosophy rever-berates the infinite wisdom of our popular political figures in that hamara khwaab, parraa likhaa NCA!

Society Roundup: Behind the Scenes

By Talha Muftee and Anam Tahir

BLAST FROM THE PAST!

“ Haye Allah, Meesha Shafi ko bulaa

lo, Coke walay bi tumhain sponsorship

dey dain gay” -Madam Attia

“ Extra curricular activities ka calender banay ga, and every festival budget will be subject to a ten

percent increment in the succeeding year.” -

Madam Irum Zia

“Uh uh uh aap isko black and white mein karein” - Sir Fakhar

(with one hand in his pocket)

“Yaar maine phool shool nai kaatne koi

technical kaam batao!” - Waqar

“Party scene on hai!” - Afaq (Jis ne) Karadia

“Flashmob - Will it won’t it?”

“I have a Silk Bank card that entitles me to a 15% discount.

Can I avail it at your honorable establishment?

- Usman Aziz at a Shahalami shop while

buying material for decoration

Who will be the next Ali Jameel?a) Donia

b) Usman Azizc) Sidra

Contact us at:theoccasionalshopper@gmail.comFacebook:www.facebook.com/theoccasionalshopperBlog:theoccasionalshopper.wordpress.comContrary to our statement in issue 5, a bird did sadly lose its life in the making of this Shopper.

Armaghedon Ali Kazmi Sajjad Gohar Sexy Beast NOT

Non-queer Ken Jango 2 Arsi Uncle

Tarzan Lovely Jango 1 DJ Rickshaw

Ikram Khan

Ezza ‘not-so-rowdy’ Rathore

Nazuk Laila Sorority Girl 1 Bari Cheez

Jewellery Box

Chuss Musketeer

Noor Gilanis

Reebok

Sorority Girl 5

Mahnoor Tahir

Badass Unibrow

Junaid Iqbal

Hannan Banana

Mobeen Ahmad

Nasir Lahori

Rabia

Manzoor

Drummer Bachi

Social Butterfly

Mahnoor Malik

Pataakha

Permed

The Shiz

Hero

Our Lua

Amir

Wolverdeen

Born to be wild

Amna

Sweetheart

Chulbulay Pande

Aqib

Chuss Musketeer 2

Shaza Mana

Futurama

Fairy

Shiza Fatima

Sorority girl 4

Drama Queen

Dozakh

Kinza Bano

Mahnoor Malik

Azam Nabi

Minahil

Janat ki Hawa

Dictator

Mobeen

Closet Poet

Qasim

Mawra Irfan

Zaheer Benazir

Sorority Girl 2 Samsonite Daddy’s Boy Gandi Gupshup Generator Sorority Girl 3

Metrobus

Samana

Across

6. the easy way out for everyone to gosip without beingnamed. It's the new hype.

8. these little creatures inhabit the cafe, the auditorium,basically the whole college. And one doesn't simply seethem and NOT scream.

9. Found in the principal's office more than her own.

11. we haven't had a permanent one for the last 10 yearsnow.

12. first years still haven't had a taste of this, nor felt itswetness.

13. the legend famous for his leather pants, who makesrounds serving and pampering the first years is nowfound distributing mithaai throughout college becausehe FINALLY got married.

14. First years have visited this place for their tripassignments more than any other batch.

Down

1. the admins are at pains to wipe out this vice.

2. tatooed dancer biceps.

3. the pricipal loves puting these on the poor students

4. the admins are at pains to barricade this area.

5. it is no more the spot for the love birds, as it has beenlocked.

7. the hottest boy of nca. (according to a confessioner).

10. she is old but still young and the spirit of nca.

12. there has to be one every year for the students to geta day off.

nca

Across

6. the easy way out for everyone to gosip without beingnamed. It's the new hype.

8. these little creatures inhabit the cafe, the auditorium,basically the whole college. And one doesn't simply seethem and NOT scream.

9. Found in the principal's office more than her own.

11. we haven't had a permanent one for the last 10 yearsnow.

12. first years still haven't had a taste of this, nor felt itswetness.

13. the legend famous for his leather pants, who makesrounds serving and pampering the first years is nowfound distributing mithaai throughout college becausehe FINALLY got married.

14. First years have visited this place for their tripassignments more than any other batch.

Down

1. the admins are at pains to wipe out this vice.

2. tatooed dancer biceps.

3. the pricipal loves puting these on the poor students

4. the admins are at pains to barricade this area.

5. it is no more the spot for the love birds, as it has beenlocked.

7. the hottest boy of nca. (according to a confessioner).

10. she is old but still young and the spirit of nca.

12. there has to be one every year for the students to geta day off.

nca

Across

6. the easy way out for everyone to gosip without beingnamed. It's the new hype.

8. these little creatures inhabit the cafe, the auditorium,basically the whole college. And one doesn't simply seethem and NOT scream.

9. Found in the principal's office more than her own.

11. we haven't had a permanent one for the last 10 yearsnow.

12. first years still haven't had a taste of this, nor felt itswetness.

13. the legend famous for his leather pants, who makesrounds serving and pampering the first years is nowfound distributing mithaai throughout college becausehe FINALLY got married.

14. First years have visited this place for their tripassignments more than any other batch.

Down

1. the admins are at pains to wipe out this vice.

2. tatooed dancer biceps.

3. the pricipal loves puting these on the poor students

4. the admins are at pains to barricade this area.

5. it is no more the spot for the love birds, as it has beenlocked.

7. the hottest boy of nca. (according to a confessioner).

10. she is old but still young and the spirit of nca.

12. there has to be one every year for the students to geta day off.

nca

The Obligatory Crossword

In loving memory of...

Uswa AmjadChief Editor

Ali Sarmad KhanChief Designer

Anas AhmadSenior Designer

Noor QadirReporter/Publicist

Hajra QaziReporter/Writer

Anam TahirReporter

Baqir MehdiDesigner/Photographer

Jannat SohailReporter/Writer

Umar KhanDesigner

SadeqainDesigner

Maira AhmedReporter/Writer

Special thanks to:Shams-ul-ain, Amna, Saqib, Arsalan and Asim

Chota Junoon Fatima