The Dysfunctional Section of a Hallmark Store

The Dysfunctional Section of a Hallmark Store

Front: I always wanted to have someone to

hold, someone to love. And now that you've come into my life . . .

InsIde Card: I've changed my mind.

Front: As the days go by, I think how lucky I

am . .

InsIde Card: That you're not here to ruin it for me

Front: Congratulations on your promotion.

Before you go . . .

InsIde Card: Will you take the knife from my back?

You'll probably need it again.

Front: Someday I hope to marry . . .

InsIde Card: Someone other than you

Front: Happy Birthday! You look great for

your age . . .

InsIde Card: Almost lifelike!

Front: I must admit, you brought religion

into my life .

InsIde Card: I never believed in Hell until I met

you

Front: When we were together, you said

you'd die for me . . .

InsIde Card: Now we've broken up, I think it's time

to keep your promise.

Front: Your friends and I wanted to do

something special for your birthday

InsIde Card: So we're having you put to sleep

Front: Looking back over the years we've

been together, I can't help but wonder

InsIde Card: What was I thinking?

Front: Congratulations on your new bundle

of joy . . .

InsIde Card: Did you ever find out who the father

was?

Front: Your friends and I wanted to do

something special for your birthday

InsIde Card: So we're having you put to sleep

Front: Congratulations on your wedding day!

. . .

InsIde Card: Too bad no one likes your husband /

wife

Front: We've been friends for a very long

time . . .

InsIde Card: What do you say we stop?

Front: I'm so miserable without you . . .

InsIde Card: It's almost like you're still here.

Front: Happy Birthday

InsIde Card: Uncle Dad

(Available only in Alabama, Mississippi, Arkansas and Kentucky)

Front: You are such a good friend. If we

were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket . . .

InsIde Card: I'd miss you terribly and think of you

often.