Solace is Elusive by Leeza

8/14/2019 Solace is Elusive by Leeza

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Solace is Elusive

I will never forget

The image

Of my brother

As the churning waters claimed him

A helpless hand reached out to me

Urging me to grasp it

That moment he handed his life to me

Now it was mine to destroy

Or mine to provide with life

The water of the black sea

Danced around him

They knew they had won

They knew I had surrendered

The water became evil

Tendrils of black lacquer curled around him

Binding him to the misery of the ocean

The waves that once were the essence of beauty

Had become my enemy

While I abandoned my youngest brother

And made my way to shore

They seemed to whisper after me

They were laughing

For I hadn’t put up much of a battle

The ocean was against my small brother

The ocean alone



An element would surely prevail

Not my small brother

I risked one more look

And saw that he was submerged beneath

The abyss

Except for one small hand

Devoid of any color

He moved his tiny grey fingers

Making a last attempt

To escape the inescapable

I imagined

Below the surface of the waters

A fight was ensuing

Over who would who would take my brother

Take him from the life he was meant to live

Take him from the goals he was meant to pursue

A fragile boy

Dependent on the rescue of his sister

Expecting

Awaiting

His hand slowed it’s thrashing

And then it seemed to go limp

His lifeless hand floated along the crests of the waves

But then I realized

He was gone long ago

I had just been too blind to realize it at the time

I tried to scream



But the water silenced the sound

I wanted nothing more

Than to plunge under

And make his fate mine

I would have then grasped his little hand

And we would have been together

His fear would have been reduced

His undying faith in me restored

But that wasn’t the reality

I lurched myself onto the damp sand

And cried

My fists uselessly pounded the warm grains of sand

That I once loved

The seaweed that had

Wound it’s way around my leg

Was a reminder

Of his suffering

Then I screamed

I screamed with the last bit of energy I had left in me

The sound was tortured

And then I blacked out

Time has passed

And although old wounds heal

The scar that is left in their places

Never fade

Alone in my room

In the blackness of the night



I sometimes see a glimpse

Of that summer’s day

The day I had brought Jimmy to the beach

The day I had disregarded warnings of riptides

And led him far into the deceptive sea

And yet farther still

Sometimes though

The worst thing I picture

Is his fragile hand

Clutching at the ocean

Feeling for the hand

The reassurance

Of me

With his final breath

A piece of both of us

Exited this world

His presence doesn’t linger

He was given a first class ride to Heaven

But I long to join him

And I know

Up until the day I leave this world

That that longing

Will never cease

The angel is fluttering his wings in heaven

And how I hope those wings are grand

Solace is Elusive by Leeza

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