ROFL Diaries- Issue 4

7/28/2019 ROFL Diaries- Issue 4

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ROFL

The

Diaries


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The Group

Shweta Patil, is a 20 year old girl who swears her life by her DSLRand Macbook Pro which she tricked her rich boyfriend into giftingher. A professional designer in the making, one day she wishes tocreate a new Statue of Liberty for which she herself will be modeling.She is so bubbly that she will put a Thumbs Up to shame.Photography is her passion, and photographing Bitches, herspecialty. She stands by the motto. No one is ugly in this world till

the time you know how to Photoshop.

Shikha Jain, is an 19 years old upcoming model (She is actuallypretty but she is doing engineering, so therefore she is as good asMiss India to these engineering guys, you see?). Quite carefree andfriendly by nature, she is a bitch who will never bite. Her life revolvesbetween two things, online and last seen. She loves travelling andgoing on a world tour is on her bucket list at No. 5(1-4 have beenkept secret to maintain the austerity of ROFLDiairies *wink* *wink*).She is a Math lover, and consistently scores 105/100. (5 marks forbeing a pretty face in an engineering college.)

An eighteen year old girl struggling to come to terms with her new

found adult status, Namrata Pandit is our youngest contributor.She is a walking pair of Ovaries who disapproves of pretty mucheverything that breathes. Sarcasm was going to be her middle nameofficially, but then a Sarcastic Pujari does not sound too good, doesit? Quick to retort, with something witty always up her sleeve, she isthe female equivalent of Arnab Goswami. Only Prettier. She plans tobe a hot shot criminal lawyer because, well you know her, she likesall things wild.

Pranav Advani is a 16 year old boy who has had 4 years ofexperience being 16. In his life he prefers everything chilled, apartfrom brownies and girls, which ofcourse are best served sizzling hot.He firmly believes that Ugly-ness is not an excuse for virginityanymore, unless you are Mayawati. He is good at spreadinghappiness with his mouth, err.. we mean words. There is nothing heoves more than ice-cream, unless its two scoops of ice-cream. Andalso, forgive him if he says something stupid, he is suffering fromMale Menopause.


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As HSC results are out, this week more than anything else, I've been busymaking a smug face and asking people their scores. Occasionally raising oneeyebrow (Yes, it takes a lot of practice) and asking boys, "So what are yougoing to do?"Now this may sound like an invitation to sapiosexuals because I've scored90.33% and I do a very fine job when it comes to hinting at it, subtly. But I'mgoing to spare you readers the horror of imagining me using pick up lines

and clarify that I was asking them about their career plans.After contemplating the pay checks that each one of them might take homefive years down the line, I've been striking a lot of them off my PPL. (PotentialPati List) know it's mediocre, shallow and anti-feminist to select a groom solely on thebasis of his pay check, but I grew up looking at Carrie Bradshaw in Sex andhe city. (That should explain a lot of things!)

strongly recommend this to everyone. So here is an indicative list that'll makeyour job much easier, girls. And boys can refer to this to ensure that theydon't have to lejao their Dulhania on National Television la Rahul Mahajan.

1. The IITianEasy to spot, this variety shows its traits right since school. This boy is the onewho has bagged all scholarships in school right from Middle school scholar-ship to Sambodh, Pravinya, Homi Bhabha Young Scientist and National TalentSearch exam. Undoubtedly the best hubby you could bag, if you're okay withspending the rest of your life with someone who cracks scientific puns.

2. The HippieThe exact contrast of the previous type, this boy is the Ultimate Slacker whopasses off his sheer laziness to pull his pants up as a new style; more popular-y known as "Yes, I wear the same pair of Jockeys for three days straight".

Mostly seen prosecuting a BMM/BMS course in some random college, youreally want to stay away from this variety unless you look forward to stayingawake for your Pati Parmeshwar as he comes home sloshed every night.

Potential Pati List


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3. The Number CruncherYes, the dreaded CA. Mostly Gujju or Marwari. Will force you to live in aoint family where at regular intervals he'll point out to you how your expens-es on that lovely pair of Steven Madden is entirely unjustified and you shouldbe shopping at Bata instead.

This is a very broad classification of Adam's descendants and frankly none ofthem appeal to me.f you come across a handsome, brooding millionaire who is passionateabout saving the Siberian crane, just drop me a line at:[email protected]. will forever be indebted to you.

*The writer is a confessed listmaniac and her poor sense of humour hasproved instrumental in driving away every single soulmate that has crossedher path.*


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1. I am a 20-year old boy. My weight is 120 kg. I do Ramdev babasyoga every morning but it isnt helping.Am good looking but because ofmy weight no girl even looks at me. I really feel hurt because oft.Can you please suggest how do i reduce my weight?Ans1. I felt really sorry for you after listening to your problem. Girls!! Why doyou'll behave so badly with this poor guy?? Very bad. The only and the mosteffective tip I would like to give you so that your able to burn your calories

faster is watch and practice the yoga taught by Bipasha Basu instead ofRamdev baba's because even Ramdev baba watches her video to keep him-self fit.The look of her sexy body would make you do something that wouldreduce make your weight from 120kgs to 70 within a few months.

2.My girlfriend is a big fan of justin bieberbut I hate him like anything. Whenever weare together she keeps singing bieberssongs and it irritates me a lot. Is there anyway i can get bieber out of her head?Ans2.My friend if your girlfriend is a bigfan of justin bieber and if she keeps sing-ng bieber's song even when you are withher then I think something is terriblywrong with her. With a heavy heart Iwould like to tell you that your girlfrienddoesn't love guys,infact she loves gay's.Follow my suggestion and better dump herbefore its too late.

Samsyaon kaSamdhan


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3.I am a 18-year old college student. Whenever theres any festival inmy college, the host always make fun of me by referring to me as theChunky pandey of my college. I really want to get rid of this ChunkyPandey tag can you please suggest how do i go about it?Ans.Don't feel bad because they refer to you as Chunky pandey. Now if godhas blessed you with features similar to as that of Chunky Pandey's,what can

even ur college students do about it. Take it as a compliment and be happyabout the fact that they refer to you as Chunky pandey and not bobby dar-ling. And you never know,this tag might even help you meet the dream girl ofyour life.

4. I am a 32-year old man. I work as a clerk in my office. I am verypassionate towards becoming a bollywood actor. After i saw the trailerof the upcoming movie Ranjhana, I am all the more motivated andconfident that even i do stand a chance in bollywood. What do youthink about it?Ans.I am glad to know that people are still passionate about getting into bol-lywood even after knowing the level to which the quality of bollywoodmovies have fallen down to.

Coming back to you, I am cent percent sure that you would get an opportuni-ty to work as an actor in bollywood because if Dhanush can, even you can orshould I say even the sweeper of my building can.


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HorrorscopesSomething will be entering Uranus this week. No. Not doggie style, you perv:

You are pointed at today. Shortlyafter that you contemplate themost efficient way of biting off thehuman finger.

Your dentist asks you to "preparefor the worst five minutes of yourife". Clearly, he has no idea whoyour ex was.

No, rapping to "Saturday toSunday, yo. Bitches they come,hey gooo!" won't get you anyfemale attention.

You're not Barney Stinson. There, Isaid it.

This week is buzzing with activity.You'll find a honeycomb under

your window.

Simply put, you just need to findsomeone who'll find your OCDsymptoms cute.


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Don't hide your copy of FiftyShades of Grey under the pillow.

Fuck it.

You will be up all Saturday night toget lucky. You won't get lucky.

The more time you spend withpeople, the more punchable theirfaces will become.

Bad luck follows you everywherehis week. You should probablycome up with a new name for yourpet.

You don't want to single outanyone today. So it's only fair to

hate everybody, equally.

aquarius

ROFL Diaries- Issue 4

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