Mm summer 2013

Multiple mattersS U M M E R I S S U E / J U N E 2 0 1 3

T H E O F F I C I A L M A G A Z I N E O F T A M B A

PLUS: New discouNters • tAMBA GiVeAwAYs • News ANd More

Play the Tamba lottery

...and help babies with TTTS

Nappy libraries?Save money by using cloth

Knowing meAn adult twin’s hard-won independence

The joy of blogsA twin mum’s voyages in cyberspace

what’s inside: summer 2013

Like buses, we’ve had lots of campaigns come along since the last magazine.

Restrictions were introduced around Easter on buying large quantities of baby formula milk due to exceptional exports to China. We contacted retailers and the manufacturers association to ensure our families would be able to get enough milk without inconvenience. The outcome is that store managers have been told to sell

more to our families – you can use the Tamba membership card as proof of having twins, triplets or more.

We also took part in a consultation on vaccinating to protect against the virus RSV, which can cause Bronchiolitis. We urged more protection for our families because of the extra risks they may face and the chance of one baby passing it to the other. (For more on RSV download our new ‘Practical Preparing for Parenthood Guide’ free from our website.)

As the magazine goes to print, our campaign for longer maternity and paternity leave for multiple birth families is before parliament. Many supporters have been using our simple campaign tool http://tambamessageboard.org.uk/contactmymp/ to contact their MP. If you haven’t already then please do take part so we can help new parents get the time and financial support they need to care for their babies.

Childcare is also on our radar. The government’s new plan to pay per child is welcome, but we met the opposition to ensure the needs of our families are recognised whoever forms the next government.

Finally, our thanks go to all our amazing campaigning members. After childcare costs were discussed at a recent Lib Dem conference, the SNP moved at their conference to better recognise the costs of multiples in the benefits system. It goes to show that our members, taking action, can make a massive impact – so please do join our campaign by contacting your MP via our website.

My thanks, as ever, for your help and support.

Keith Reed ([email protected])

Welcomeletter from the chief executive

Multiple matters

ESSEntiaL contactS: twinline and support groups co-ordinator: Carol Clay courses and support officer: Kate Valentine advertising and fundraising officer: Lucie Wigley Membership: Debbie Ross tamba in northern ireland: Rachel Wiffen 028 9023 9050 [email protected] tamba in Scotland: Helen Peck 01786 465744 [email protected] to advertise in the magazine ring 01483 304442 or email [email protected] office: Lower Ground Floor Offices, Hitherbury House, 97 Portsmouth Road, Guildford, Surrey GU2 4DL telephone: 01483 304442 Fax: 01483 570932 Email: [email protected] Website: www.tamba.org.uk. office Hours: Monday to Friday 9.30am to 4pm. twinline: telephone freephone helpline 0800 138 0509 (10am-1pm and 7pm-10pm seven days a week)Design by mdesign [email protected]

REGULARSMorrck Less fuss, more fun .................................................13cLuBs Calling all dads .......................................................14it’s iN the BAG... Family fun on holiday .............................................16dAd’s corNer Chalk and cheese straws .......................................17FuNdrAisiNG Play our lottery and help babies with TTTS ...........18Vikki’s FrieNdLY eAr Share smiles, tears and fears with our consultant ..20FioNA GiBsoN Sticking together after all these years ...................23Photo GALLerY New families, first travels, precious moments ......26Four PLus oNe Single mum Emma Campbell on fantasy travels ...28Letters Separate classes and new shoes ............................29MY dAY todAY Toddlers at the farm: a father’s tale .......................30NoticeBoArd Discounters, ads and more ....................................31

FEATUREStAkiNG the PLuNGe A water birth at home with twins ..........................06sweet dreAMs How to help multiple babies sleep ........................08NAPPY LiBrAries? Save money with cloth nappies .............................09GiFts oF LiFe Becoming an egg donor ........................................11three’s coMPANY Autism no bar to bond with twin siblings ..............12the joY oF BLoGs Twin mum’s voyages in cyberspace .......................15LeArNiNG the roPes How to support multiples at primary school .........22kNowiNG Me An adult twin on growing apart .............................24

MULTIPLE MATTERS - ISSN 2049-5765Charity number 1076478, Scottish Charity Number SC041055, company number3688825. Ta

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www.tamba.org.uk 0504 / SUMMER 2013

news: campaigns

LatESt RoUnD-UP

tAMBA urGes MPs to douBLe PAreNtAL LeAVe

Join our campaign for better maternity and paternity leave with multiples – and why not come along to our family Fun Day & AGM to help us celebrate 35 years of Tamba

FertiLitY ruLes ‘restrict choice’ New fertility guidelines from the National Institute of Clinical Excellence (NICE) restrict the choices of patients undergoing fertility treatments and seeking to transplant more than one embryo.

The changes raise the IVF upper age limit from 39 to 42 years old, but in most cases decrease the number of embryos that can be transferred during treatment.

Tamba’s CEO, Keith Reed, said: ‘This is a sad day for patient choice...

The guidelines overlook that it can be a positive experience to have twins. Although there are risks with multiple pregnancies, with the right care and support the vast majority of families raising twins can have a unique, happy experience.’

Read the NICE guidelines at http://publications.nice.org.uk/fertility-cg156

More twiNs, triPLets ANd More thAN eVer!

The multiple birth rate in England and Wales has increased ahead of the overall increase in live births – from 15.7 per 1000 women in 2010 to 16.1 per 1000 women in 2011, according to the Office of National Statistics.

The increase was across most age groups, though women aged 45 and over had the highest multiple maternity rate (99.3 per 1,000 maternities) and the age bracket 35-39 was unchanged.

Tamba CEO Keith Reed described the surprise figures as ‘a wake-up call for maternity units to ensure that they are adhering to the new NICE multiple pregnancy guidance’, which aims to give mothers and babies the best chance of a healthy start.

tamba is campaigning to change legislation before parliament and increase paid maternity and paternity leave for our families – after a report showed they face crisis due to inadequate provision.

the children and Families Bill 2013 will make it easier for partners to share leave, but families having multiples will continue to receive the same maternity and paternity leave under the new bill as parents with only one baby.

research by tamba showed that over half of multiple birth parents spent a significant chunk of their maternity and paternity leave in hospital due to mothers’ or babies’ ill health before they even got to take their babies home. A number of mothers ended up using most of their ordinary Maternity Leave (26 weeks) with hospital stays.

tamba is asking the government and opposition parties to support amendments allowing families with multiples to have double the duration of paid paternity leave (four weeks) and maternity leave (78 weeks, with an additional 26 weeks unpaid).

Members can support the campaign by writing to their local MP. use our sample email at www.tamba.org.uk/MaternityLeave, or edit it to add your experience.

our survey of over 1000 multiple birth families found that of those mothers who experienced ill health during pregnancy, just over half were hospitalised and almost a third began

their maternity leave many weeks before giving birth. three out of four partners had had to take additional leave during pregnancy or following the birth to help support the family.

one father told us: ‘My twins were born at 28 weeks and were in neonatal care for nine weeks. i had to use all my leave while the twins were in neonatal care, and didn’t have any time left when they came home, even though i was needed to help.’

Almost three out of four families in our survey relied on savings to get by, and half built up debt.

keith reed, ceo tamba said: ‘Maternity leave was introduced almost forty years ago and never considered the needs of families with twins, triplets or more. this research clearly shows that current levels of leave don’t meet the needs of these families. if the government is serious about supporting families during the early years then they need to address this urgently.’Support the campaign at www.tamba.org.uk/MaternityLeave

Tamba presses for better maternity and paternity leave for our families

Good News oN chiLdcAre FuNdiNG

Tamba CEO Keith Reed described the government’s latest childcare proposals to provide cash for each child’s care rather than a maximum overall amount as ‘a step in the right direction for our families’.

‘High childcare costs can exclude multiple birth mothers from returning to the work place at a time when they need the additional income the most,’ he said. ‘Our research showed that many of our families build up debt during their maternity leave as the current entitlement does not meet their needs, leaving families in financial crisis.’

A recent Tamba report found that over two thirds of multiple birth mothers were unable to return to work due to the cost of childcare. Although some nurseries and child minders offer discounts of around 5 to 10 percent for multiples, this remains too expensive for many.

Read the full report on multiples and money at www.tamba.org.uk/document.doc?id=516

givEaWayS with books on our mind this summer we have two literary giveaways to tempt you.

First up is our bundle of horrid henry books: ‘horrid henry and the demon dinner Lady’, ‘horrid henry’s sports day’ and ‘horrid henry Meets the Queen’. or go for our animal book bundle

with includes ‘Miaow Miaow Bow wow’ and ‘Look at Me’ by Francesca simon and ‘the Perfect Pet shop’ by Vivian French.to win one of our summer book

bundles just email your name, address and membership number to [email protected] by 1 july with ‘Giveaway henry’ or ‘Giveaway animals’ in the subject line. Prizes go to the first names out of the hat after the deadline.

well done to winners of our spring giveaways: holly shaw (ecobubba) and emma Macgregor and emma carrington-Moore (kiki & Bree). we hope you enjoy your prizes!

Calling all artistssubmit a picture of the wiggle twins and not only will five lucky runners-up get a book, but the winning entry will be published

coMPetitioN

The Wiggle Twins are stars of a new children’s series by longstanding Tamba member Scott Watkins, and now our younger members have the opportunity to contribute their own designs to the books – and see them in print.

While ‘William Wiggle, The Garden Journey’ is being professionally illustrated for publication in July (with electronic versions due out later in the summer), Scott is inviting Tamba’s younger members to draw their own versions of one particular scene in the story. The winning entry will be used to illustrate this page in the finished book.

Here is the bit of the story that Scott wants young artists to consider – it describes how the Wiggle Twins tackle the challenge of school uniform:

We’ll wear different colours, not just the same, Then when they call us they’ll get the right name.They both sat together and thought about that:‘I know,’ they said, ‘we’ll wear a school hat!’Now when they get dressed for school each day,Joe wears black and Jude wears grey.

Scott and his wife Natalie (a former Twinline volunteer) will be the judges and are hoping for some bright, imaginative and colourful pictures featuring happy Wiggles!

The competition winner will have their picture printed in the book along with their name and age, and will be given a copy of ‘The Wiggles Twins’ and ‘William Wiggle – The Garden Journey’. Five runners-up will also receive copies.

Send entries together with the name, age and address of the artist, plus parents’ membership number, to Mr William Wiggle, The Garden, 4 Raleigh Walk, Tilgate Crawley, West Sussex RH10 5NJ. Maximum age of entrants is 16.

FuN dAY & AGM

tamba celebrates its 35th

birthday this year with a Fun day

for our members alongside our AGM

on saturday 16 November. there will

be lots for families to see and do so pop

this date in your diary and we hope to see

many of you there. the location has yet

to be confirmed, but keep an eye on the

website for details at www.tamba.org.

uk/tambafunday, or follow us via

twitter using #tambafunday or

our Facebook page.

06 / SUMMER 2013 07www.tamba.org.uk

pregnancy: birth

set of circumstances. As examples: if I needed pain relief in hospital, I wanted an epidural not pethidine; if I could not hold my babies, my husband would hold them skin to skin and they would not be placed in a cot or incubator.

Once at ease with my plans, I relaxed and enjoyed my pregnancy.

To my surprise, I went into labour on the morning of my due date. The

Where healthcare is concerned, i’m pretty mainstream. So how did i end up giving birth to my twins at home, in water, with not so much as a whiff of gas and air?

This is my story. After my son Oliver’s wonderful home birth, I felt confident in my ability to labour and give birth – even to twins. My attitude? It’s just a variation on normal.

Yet once I started reading about multiple pregnancy and birth, my belief that I would have another good birth began to falter. Everything I read said that multiple pregnancies were higher risk, that I should expect a more medicalised birth, and implied that for my babies’ sake I should give up any thought of what I considered to be a normal birth. I found what I read about ‘typical’ twin births both frightening and confusing.

Earlier research and experience had informed me that birth could be easier and safer when the birth environment encouraged the release of the right hormones. Low lighting, quiet, privacy, warmth, known birth companions, and the freedom to move around instinctively are known to improve birth outcomes, and yet suddenly with a twin pregnancy I was expected to forget these truths. It didn’t make sense.

What were the additional risks for a twin birth? How might certain interventions reduce these risks? What risks did the interventions themselves carry? I read everything from Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists green top guides, to National Institute of Clinical Excellence guidelines, to research papers. I had long conversations with my midwife and met with two consultants. I carefully considered every choice and made detailed contingency plans.

It wasn’t about expecting a perfect birth experience, rather making plans to achieve the best birth for both me and my babies that was possible in any given

Taking the plunge Home births are rare with multiples, where medical advice is to have the back-up of a hospital. But after a straightforward pregnancy, joanne whistler decided to give it a whirl

help and info

prEGNANCy ANd BIrTH

• Book a place on tamba’s antenatal courses or our Practical Preparing for Parenthood class via the website or

ring 01483 304442

• download tamba’s booklets ‘Preparing for Parenthood’, ‘the

healthy Multiple Pregnancy Guide’ and ‘Breastfeeding More than one’ from

our website at www.tamba.org.uk. You can also download guides on Neonatal care, ttts and Postnatal depression

• talk to expectant parents online via tamba’s members-only messageboard

or visit the twins club page to find your nearest club – expectant parents are

always welcome

• ring twinline, tamba’s freephone listening service, to discuss any concerns on 0800 138 0509, open 10am to 1pm

and 7pm to 10pm daily

contractions spaced out – both classic signs that I was almost ready to push.

I was getting a little grunty when my waters POPPED with shocking violence. My upper body shot forwards. What had happened? Had a baby’s head shot out? No. But pushing started in earnest, with astonishing intensity. It felt overwhelming, my breathing became panicked and I said I was frightened. My midwife suggested I blow on the water and almost immediately I felt calmer, in control.

With a few pushes my baby’s head was born, and the next contraction brought her body. I gently raised her up to the surface and gazed at her in awe. After 10 minutes my upright position brought baby two down onto my cervix and re-started contractions. It became uncomfortable to hold baby 1 with her short, no-longer-pulsing cord, even with assistance, so my midwife clamped and

cut it, and I handed baby to daddy for some skin-to-skin contact.

After five minutes of full-on pushes baby two emerged. Once I’d caught my breath I discovered both babies were girls. I sat there with a big grin saying ‘I have daughters’. Although twins are often considered to be term at 37/38 weeks, my babies had copious vernix at 40 weeks. Their fused placentas, which I delivered naturally, were also in perfect condition.

Baby Rose weighed 7lb 2oz and Philippa 7lb. How wonderful to snuggle up with them in our big bed and admire their perfection! We spent several days cuddled up having lots of skin-to-skin contact and unrestricted feeding. This special, intense time helped me to start bonding with each of the babies individually and to establish feeding with each.

My twin birth was a wonderful experience. I felt supported, safe and empowered. Nothing is guaranteed in birth, but I gave my body the best chance to have a normal, physiological birth. If a C-section or other interventions had been necessary, I would have been accepting. A minority of women need the help of modern obstetrics to have babies safely, and thank goodness that support is there if required.

While unusual, my twin-birth choices were carefully researched and right for my babies and me in our specific

circumstances. It is important that expectant twin mums recognise that they do have choices, even within a hospital. Turning the lights down, keeping the number of people in the room to a minimum and declining routine vaginal exams are all choices that women usually aren’t told they can make.

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Above: Rose and Philippa with Joanne at the beach. Left: Rose and Philippa get in the swing of family life with dad and big brother Oliver

tightenings gradually grew stronger, longer and more regular, and I spent the next few hours on my hands and knees, on my bed then in the pool. Swinging my hips in a vigorous figure 8 felt good, as did vocalising long low sounds through each contraction. The warmth of the pool was wonderful: it made the intensity of the contractions much more manageable.

My midwives arrived whilst I was in the pool. My labour was progressing well so there was no need for a vaginal examination. After five hours of established labour I started saying ‘It’s too much,’ ‘I want it to stop’, and my

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Joanne brings her second baby to the surface while the first has a cuddle with dad

www.tamba.org.uk

baby: environment baby: sleep

0908 / SUMMER 2013

it can be tempting to think that babies who have been up all day will be so exhausted they sleep all night.

Alas, babies who have very little sleep in the day are usually so overtired and over-stimulated by bedtime that they often have difficulty settling.

By contrast, babies with structured and regular sleeps in the day tend to be more content and sleep better at night. If you want to aim for some good sleep habits, try following a few basic guidelines. First off, don’t let your babies sleep beyond 4pm or they won’t go down well at a 7pm bedtime. Next, get your babies into a routine at night from two to three weeks old. From about 6pm you could massage them, bath them, give a breastfeed or bottle of milk in a darkened room, followed by bed. This acts as an unwinding process and lets the babies know it is time for sleep.

The last feed before bed is vital if

When feeding in the night, keep noise and lighting minimal. It is night time and the babies need to understand this. If you are fortunate enough to have a maternity nurse, don’t get chatting to them while feeding. It’s a good idea to buy blackout blinds to keep early morning rays out.

Don’t expect your babies to sleep through the night until they are on solids at around six months. If after six months your children are eating solids and drinking well during the day, and are on target weight-wise, you could try a number of things:

• Instead of giving your babies milk when they wake in the night, try cooled boiled water.• If that does not work, water down their milk, i.e. two scoops to six ounces of water. The idea is to make it less tasty so the babies don’t bother to wake for it, and encourage them to take all the milk they need in the day.• Or you could just soothe and pat your babies back to sleep without anything. This may take a long time if the babies are used to milk.

Whatever action you take, do stick to it for at least two to three weeks. Trying something for a couple of days generally isn’t long enough to change a habit.

your babies are going to sleep longer at night. Often they fall asleep after taking only part of the feed. Do not give up and put them to bed. Encourage them to finish the feed by changing their nappy, tickling them, winding them or cooling them down.

The minute a baby cries it is tempting to rush over and pick them up. Try to wait a few moments and see if they settle themselves. If they don’t, try patting them in the cot and if you cannot settle them then pick them up and comfort them but then put them back in the cot and leave the room. If they don’t settle then leave them to cry a little longer, say for three or four minutes, then go back in and repeat the process.

Try and put your babies down in their cot awake so they get used to going to sleep on their own. Don’t get into the habit of rocking your babies to sleep – you may be there for hours.

SWEET DREAMS There are things you can do to help babies acquire good sleep habits, writes Anastasia Baker of Night Nannies help and info

sLEEpING BABIEs

• read about sleep habits in young babies and children on our website

at www.tamba.org.uk, where you can also find out about early development,

routines, bonding and common concerns

• download tamba’s booklet ‘Practical Preparing for Parenthood’, as well as our

free guides ‘Breastfeeding More than one’ and ‘Postnatal depression: A Guide

For Mothers of Multiples’

• View our ‘Parenting with Multiples in Mind’ dVd or watch a video of our consultants discussing your questions

online at www.tamba.org.uk

• Get support, ask questions or share equipment and tips with other parents via tamba’s members-only

messageboard at www.tamba.org.uk

• ring twinline, tamba’s freephone listening service, to talk over any

concerns on 0800 138 0509, open 10am to 1pm and 7pm to 10pm daily

is putting your babies into cloth nappies hard work? I hate housework (as my husband would confirm!) but I don’t

find it hard work and I have two toddlers in cloth. As a single income family of six, we cannot afford to use disposables, and using cloth has made us more aware of our family’s impact on the environment.

Modern cloth nappies have come a long way from terry squares and plastic pants. While that’s still the cheapest option, there is now a huge choice of styles, soft fabrics and gorgeous prints – in fact, you might want to try out options from a nappy library first.

Nappy libraries hire out single nappies or full kits for a small fee so parents can ‘try before they buy’ and see what works best. I first heard about nappy libraries from the council, and when I discovered there was none in my area I joined a Facebook group that unites all the cloth libraries in the UK and Ireland and set up my own.

Despite the variety of appearance, most cloth nappies work much like a disposable: you slide it under the bottom and fasten with Velcro or a popper. Some are ‘all in one’, meaning you don’t have to prepare them, all the parts are sewn together and they go straight on. With others, you put the shaped absorbent part on then cover with a waterproof wrap, or stuff a ‘pocket’ style with absorbent pads. You can prepare a stack in about fifteen minutes then put them away for later use.

Cloth nappies need changing about as often as disposables, and will last the night if you add extra absorbency. Some people like to change them slightly more often. I change my 19-month-old twins six times a day. Babies with skin conditions such as eczema often benefit from the absence of chemicals in the cloth.

Most people ‘dry pail’ their nappies – unlike the old days of soaking in a bucket. Wet ones can go straight in a lidded bucket or waterproof ‘wet bag’ with a zip until you put a nappy wash on. Dirty ones may need a quick rinse in the loo before going in the bucket. (Really we should do this with disposables too as that kind of waste shouldn’t in landfill, and at the very least should be double wrapped before going in a bin.)

Dirty nappies from babies on milk can go straight in the washing machine. You can wash at 40 with the odd 60 wash – it’s a preference, but they are certainly clean enough at 40 degrees for repeated use on your own baby. Once you get into a routine it’s easy, and as cloth nappies contain poop better than disposables you may find there are fewer clothes to wash. We use cloth wipes instead of wet wipes and have replaced washing powder with the Ecoegg, an eco-friendly alternative to detergent.

There’s an obvious benefit in that every single cloth nappy change saves a disposable being bought and thrown away, but it is also cheaper. We used disposables for the first few weeks, then switched to cloth nappies. The cost has been around £400 compared to the £2,200 we would have spent on supermarket own-brand disposables. Many councils have cashback schemes or trial kits to encourage use of cloth nappies; your local waste and recycling team can tell you what is available.

With cloth nappies you certainly have to find a washing routine that works for your family, but it comes down to whether you are happy to swap a few extra washes a week for the financial and environmental benefits.

Nappy libraries? What on earth... Twin mum Lara Pinder decided to use cloth nappies for both environmental and financial reasons. So how does it work?

Above: Rose and Lily show off their nappies; above left, with parents Lara and John and siblings Abel and Grace

help and infoGOING ECO

• read information and tips on using cloth nappies at www.goreal.org.uk

• search for ‘uk cloth nappy libraries’ on Facebook for more information and a link to a map of nappy libraries, or search for

‘cloth nappy libraries network’ on Google Maps

• download tamba’s guide to potty training with multiples from our website at www.tamba.org.uk

11www.tamba.org.uk

health: fertility

the article on egg donation is in my purse to this day. it was about a couple who longed to have children. Having been blessed with three beautiful boys myself i felt an overwhelming urge to call the number. So i did.

When I spoke to Alison Bagshaw at Altrui, a company that matches donors with recipients, I felt immediately at ease. She answered my questions, then asked what I looked like, my family, why I wanted to donate. I wasn’t a match for the couple in the article but I was for another couple who needed help.

My partner and I were planning our wedding at the time. He was supportive, though he had questions of his own which Alison answered. I attended a fertility clinic for a health check, blood tests and counselling – where I learnt that although I would remain anonymous to the recipient couple, any child produced from my eggs could find out my identity once they turned 18.

Alison told me that any healthy woman can donate eggs up to her 36th birthday. You need a family history free of inherited diseases or genetic disorders, and a BMI of under 30. You don’t get paid but get up to £750 towards travelling costs, childcare and lost wages. Any medication is also paid for.

I got the go ahead and went back to the clinic for a scan. For the first few weeks I took a hormone nasal spray and returned to the clinic once a week. The aim was to synchronise my cycle with the recipient, and once this was done I started a course of injections. The nurses showed me how to self-inject, I was given my drugs and went home.

I had to inject at the same time every evening. The first time was tough and tearful, not because I didn’t want to do it but because my fear of needles was a wall I had to break through. My husband and eldest son were amazing and it was with their support that I did it. The injection didn’t even hurt in the end – I was so focused on getting the fluid in that it was over before I’d realised. I felt silly for making a fuss; it was such a small

GIFTS OF LIFETwin mum hayley irving Newman already had three sons with her partner – and was planning their wedding – when she read about a couple seeking an egg donor

thing and would make a huge difference to someone else.

The drugs over-stimulated my ovaries so they produced more eggs. The clinic scanned me to assess the egg sacks and when they were 2cm it was time to book in for egg collection.

The operation took place under

general anaesthetic. I was in and out in a day – it wasn’t as intrusive as I expected. In fact it was a lovely experience: every member of the team was amazing. After the operation they told me they had got six eggs – a good result. I had an overwhelming feeling of pride.

The eggs were taken for fertilisation before implanting with the recipient. I never met the couple, but we exchanged cards and gifts. Sadly, they were not successful, but four months later – after my wedding and honeymoon! – I was asked to donate again for someone else. This time it was plain sailing: injections weren’t an issue, the same friendly faces at the clinic and Alison regularly at the end of the phone supporting me. On this occasion they collected 11 eggs and my very proud husband came with me on the day.

If these donations result in children then they may want to meet me when they are older. That would be odd, and also nice. But I don’t see them as being my children. I didn’t donate so I could have a bigger family; I did it so someone else could have a chance at having a family they longed for.

Newlyweds: Hayley and her husband fitted the treatment in before their big day

Reece, 13, and Harry and Oliver, 2, with mum and dad

13www.tamba.org.uk

preschool: siblings sponsor: products

after a long winter spent indoors more often than not, we’re all looking forward to the freedom summer affords – and none more so than parents of multiples.

Lazy days in the garden enjoying paddling pools and picnics; days out at the beach; a swim in the lido and camping season... To make the most of the sun and the long days, Morrck recommends a diet of less fuss, more fun. Here are a few of our top games to help.

top five games to play in the park • Pooh sticks: Get sticks and throw them in the river; first to the ‘finish line’ wins.• hide and seek: children hide, adults seek (as lazily as you like). • obstacle course: make up a route around the play equipment – timed or just for fun.• Football: play footy, passing games, skills practice, balancing, kicking furthest – anything you fancy.• Park chart: list all your local parks and make sure you visit each one during the summer.

top five beach activities• Build a sandcastle or fort to stop the tide: don’t forget to collect stones and shells to decorate.• Bury dad• Wave jumping• Dig a hole and see who can throw stones into it• Rock pool exploring

top five back garden games• Paint the house: take a bucket of

SUMMER – LESS FUSS, MORE FUN

water, decorating paintbrushes and off you go…• hotter/colder: hide an object in the garden and direct the little ones with the words hotter/colder until they find it.• Pirates: little boys and lots of girls like nothing better than being given a sword and asked to ‘chop down the tree’ or hack away at an old bush that you’re happy to be demolished. • chalks: unleash your children’s inner Picasso with giant outdoor chalk pictures.• Planting: pick up some vegetable seeds and plant in your garden or a pot.

Less fuss, more fun does exactly what it says on the tin. It’s not about one job leading to the creation of two more – it’s about getting some easy wins and enjoying your children.

Speaking of less fuss, Morrck’s

Splasha is ideal for getting little ones dry – quickly – and keeping them warm. A towel with a hood and sleeves and poppers to fasten is perfect for swimming, the beach, the back garden and camping. No more towels trailing in the mud or falling off! There’s also a handy pocket for ‘collectables’ like the must-have perfect pebble...

Until 30 August, exclusively for Tamba members, Morrck has an additional 10 percent off when buying two or more products – that’s on top of the 10 percent you already receive as a Tamba member.

Simply log on to www.morrck.com, choose your hoodie and put the code SP2013 in at the online till.

Morrck also donates £1 from every online sale to Tamba to aid its work supporting families with a baby or babies in neonatal care. Last year they raised a whopping £3,214 – so that’s two good reasons to go shopping!

WITH MorrckBeach, park or back garden, here are a few of our favourite games for passing the long, sunny afternoons

Splashas are ideal for getting little ones dry – quickly – and keeping them warm

Morrck donates £1 from

every online sale to

help tamba’s work

supporting families

with a baby or babies

in neonatal careany parent of multiples will know how difficult it is to have one-to-one time with each child, but try adding an older autistic child into this mix.

We didn’t suspect there was anything different about our son, Findlay, when he was a baby. He reached milestones happily until he was two, and then we began noticing odd behaviour. He would spin his arms in circles for long periods, and walk around on tip-toes covering his ears. He licked objects instead of touching them and showed no interest in playing with other children. His speech was limited.

Findlay was 30 months old when our twin girls were born. Our lives became so busy that Findlay’s behaviour was just something we worked around. Then he went to nursery. The staff referred him to a speech and language therapist and an educational psychologist. He was also referred to a child development clinic. A year later we had a heart-stopping moment when Findlay was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder.

No two people with this diagnosis are the same. Findlay is ‘high-functioning’ and has no problems with learning and

intelligence, but needs a great deal of support with his routine. Simple instructions need to be repeated several times. He doesn’t deal well with the unexpected so changes in routine, however minor, cause tears. Even using a different door to go into nursery can result in a meltdown. The day needs to be broken down into simple steps for him.

Balancing this with the needs of our two girls is challenging. We work hard to carve out individual time for our children. Generally, one adult will care for both girls while the other cares for Findlay. Their personalities have contributed to our way of doing this. Lilia demands more attention than Ruby, who is more laid back. If all three children want attention at once, diversion works best. Findlay loves to copy behaviour so we encourage games where one child is the ‘leader’ and the others follow and copy (dancing, singing, tickle-chase through the house). We keep changing order so they all have a chance to be in the lead. This kind of game gives each one an opportunity to have individual attention and teaches them how to be in charge and to take turns. Lilia, always desperate to be leader, can be relied on to start the game with gusto, but it also helps her to allow others to dictate the play. Ruby, generally last to have a say, gets to feel

three’s companyLucy sage’s son was diagnosed with Autism not long after her twin daughters were born. How do the three of them get along?

the limelight. Findlay is in nursery five mornings

a week, so the girls have some time with us. Afternoons are trickier. I look for activities I can take all three to that will suit Findlay, as it will be down to him whether or not we can keep going. Hopefully things will ease as the girls get older and I can leave them at classes; I won’t be able to do that with Findlay.

The interaction between the three of them is fascinating. Ruby and Lilia have brought on Findlay’s language exponentially and they also help his imaginative play, copying him (and he them), which has boosted his confidence. Findlay’s main difficulties lie in his social and communication skills. Many autistic children are unable to identify and express their feelings. Being able to see his sisters laugh, cry and become frustrated enables him to learn every day about emotions and how to express them. He is never lonely. People speak of ‘twin talk’, but in our house, the three of them speak the same language.

help and infospECIAL NEEds

• Visit the National Autistic society’s website at www.autism.org.uk

• tamba has a closed facebook page where parents of a child or children with special needs can share experiences and support. email carol clay at [email protected]. You can also chat with other parents using the special needs

area of our members-only messageboard at www.tamba.org.uk


concerns on 0800 138 0509, open 10am to 1pm and 7pm to 10pm daily

Lucy and her husband with twins Ruby and Lilia and big brother Findlay

12

15www.tamba.org.uk

preschool: mums

The joy of blogs

chose a template and started uploading my notes into blog posts. That first day I created eight posts on a variety of topics based on my experiences of pregnancy, feeding, choosing a pushchair and establishing a routine. I wrote about all the things that had suddenly become important to me.

I kept my blog to myself for a while as it was really just somewhere to write down the things I’d learned about being a mother of twins, but as the blog posts stacked up and people I talked to showed an interest, I started to mention

i’d like to welcome any dads of multiples out there to join my Facebook group, Dads of twins, which i set up when my twins were born on 19 april, 2011.

I had joined a women’s group but they were uncomfortable about having a man around. Never mind: I now have 146 father of twins from all over the world – just go to https://www.facebook.com/groups/119173391487343/.

The Facebook page is a place to go to for advice or to ask other dads any

CALLING ALL DADSNot content to be a man in a woman’s world, multiples dad will robert Matheson of Hinckley Twins & Multiples took his plight to facebook

i suppose my blog started with writing down a few things that i wish i’d known before i had twins – that it is possible to bounce one baby in a bouncy chair whilst the other is strapped to your chest and eat a piece of chocolate cake at the same time; that remote controls and old mobile phones make the best toys; that fresh air and caffeine can heal a sleep-deprived mind; that the only people who understand about having twins are people who have twins.

At first it was just a few notes scribbled in a diary, and then a Word document, every now and then between feeds. In truth, after the twins were born,

I liked the novelty of sitting at the dining table writing rather than sterilising bottles or loading the washing machine for the umpteenth time. It made me feel more normal.

After a few months I had pages of notes and people I met were saying things like ‘I don’t know how you do it’. So rather than my usual retort (‘Because I don’t have a choice!’) I decided to explore converting my ramblings into an online blog.

Getting started was loads easier than I’d imagined. I simply went to blogspot.com,

the blog on facebook and Twitter. Then I posted a link on BabyCentre, and Tamba added it to their recommended links.

Before I had twins, I struggled to find a blog from a UK parent of twins that offered good, solid advice without the sugar-coating. I have found that the topics that resonate most with my readers are the ones that tell the truth: the dark days, asking for help, how my

pushchair looks like a tank and my tummy is a general

disaster zone.Blogs about

having multiples are popular because multiple parents, or expecting parents, desperately want to hear from

others who have been through it. Making any kind of

decision when you’ve just had babies is hard

enough, so you don’t want to be given a range of solutions. You just want to read about a real-life experience from someone who has been in exactly the same situation as you, who is saying ‘Look, this is what I did’. I get comments on the posts themselves and also direct to me, and it’s really satisfying knowing that people are reading, enjoying and possibly even benefiting from my experience.

I found that when I had this monumental life change I sometimes felt the need to reach out to others and say ‘This is crazy, huh?’. I can’t tell you how reassuring it feels to discover that you’re not alone. If you’re not the type of person to rock up to a playgroup, plonk yourself down and tell the other mums that you’re their new friend, then having children can be an isolating and incredibly lonely experience. Reading the experiences of others, and perhaps writing about your own, is a positive way to feel connected and engaged with the world.

clare rudland found a whole new way to have fun – and combat isolation – when she started blogging about life as a twin mum

Will hides from the kids: Callum, 9, Emily, 3, Joshua, 7, and Lewis, 3

twin-related problems. It’s nice to be able to help and be there for other dads.

Speaking of which, my wife started the twins group in our area when there were just five members, meeting at our house. She now has a facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/groups/140509349308550/ and 110 members. She does it for the love of helping other twin mums and is there for anyone that needs it. The Hinckley Twins & Multiple Births Club is a lovely group, so come along if you are in the area.

clubs: social media

hinckley twins

& Multiple Births club

welcomes families who have or

are expecting twins or multiples to

join us on a thursday morning, 11am

to 1pm at st Francis community

centre, tudor road, hinckley. For £2

per family we offer two hours’ play,

chat, advice and friendship in an

environment where you are not

the only one with twins.

I liked the novelty of sitting at the dining table writing, rather than sterilising bottles

You can read

clare’s blog at

twinmumramblings.

blogspot.co.uk


Chalk and cheese strawsi’ve always been a fan of the human chameleon David Bowie and his ability to play different characters, from Ziggy Stardust to aladdin Sane and the more recent tin Machine. often we like to sum people up quite quickly, but in reality we are all, like Bowie, far more complex.

Which brings me neatly onto ... me. I like to see myself in that same mould. Take away the musical talent, supreme good looks, creative talent and mega bucks, and Bowie and Bootle are almost identical. But there’s the rub: ‘identical’ itself is a complex term.

My twin boys are identical, the exact same DNA, yet you couldn’t get more diverse characters. They are my Ziggy and Major Tom. John never stops talking and is great at expressing his ideas and emotions. He loves art, cooking, music, and make-believe. Toby is a straight-talking physical boy who likes football, superheroes and fighting. Like fire and ice. (And Ruth, the three-years-senior sensible girl, is somewhere in between, like a calm water to soothe her addled father.)

Every parent wants their child to have their attributes and characteristics. And this dad is no different. I loved to paint and sing and yet stick me on the football pitch and I can become an animal,

david Bootle on questions of identity, identical twinicity and football versus cooking

tearing around snarling and snapping at the legs of my combatants.

My boys’ Janus-like differences require a fleet footedness in their father that I sometimes struggle to achieve. Their personalities are demanding and they do not tolerate lazy parenting. John wakes me at six-thirty on a Saturday morning demanding to make pancakes with me. If I don’t get up quickly I will be

crushed by Toby dive bombing into my bed ready to play wrestling.

It’s not the most relaxing way to start a weekend. And if I try to lie in and ignore the requests I am hit by their one identical feature – a really bad temper. They may be different in many respects but when they get angry it’s a similar horrible scene of rage regardless of which boy I’m dealing with.

Explaining to friends and teachers the subtle but important differences in their personalities can be tricky. ‘But

they are identical twins’ I hear them cry. We want their teachers to understand these differences, and as they are in the same class it is even more important that they are treated as their own individual characters. They have different friends and strengths and weaknesses, different tastes and dislikes.

Identical twin parents will know where I am coming from. Celebrating the

distinction in children who look exactly the same (not to us, of course) has its challenges.

But the boys are very assertive and really know their own minds. They love each other dearly, but dare to call one the name of their twin and you’ll soon be put straight. And I’m sure it was the same for Bowie. To his friends and family I bet he was plain old Dave Jones from Brixton, but try calling him that during the height of his Ziggy Stardust phase… Now that would be ‘rock and roll suicide’.

Celebrating the distinction in children who look exactly the same (not to us, of course) has its challenges

column: dad’s corner sponsor: holidays

FAMILY FUN? IT’S IN THE BAG...

Whilst i don’t believe in being a fulltime kids’ entertainer on holiday, i do try to have something up my sleeve to inject a dose of playful silliness and to initiate moments of quality family time with my three children.

So here is my list of things that make it into my packing somewhere, somehow, come what may...

1. Pool toysA must-have as far as my lot are concerned. Our collection is growing – sinking ones, floating ones, blow-up ones… they’re all in the pile.

2. A new story bookA couple of summers ago I decided the best way to get the children hooked on reading was to find a comfy hammock in the shade and enjoy a good book together. Out came ‘Secret Seven’ and what followed was extraordinary: my son became a bookworm!

3. New colouring books and felt tips/crayonsI always buy a new colouring book and/or puzzle book for my kids and new felt tips or crayons. I particularly enjoy having the time to sit with the children and doodle or puzzle solve together.

4. water bombsAs soon as the sun comes out my lot are pushing for a water fight. Water bombs can also be used for gentle throwing and catching, or for a more full on assault on the parents!

5. record a favourite children’s book on a phone or ipadFor younger children, I’ve found that it works really well to video yourself or an older sibling reading your child’s favourite books. Not only does it give them some great role models but you then also have a mobile library of books for those moments on the plane or waiting for a meal in a restaurant.

wendy shand from travel experts Tots to Travel lists ten of the less obvious things you might take on holiday to ensure good times are had by all

stickers and the flying part whilst the older children became preoccupied folding, sticking and flying. It’s flat so it’s easy to pack.

9. A map for walksAs a family we prefer to go off the beaten track so wherever we go we take an Ordinance Survey-scale map with us. This allows us to find picnic spots, walks or get access to rivers for paddling in.

10. upload the geocaching app onto a phoneGeocaching has become a world-wide treasure-hunting phenomenon. Try it before you go away so you get into the swing. The key here is that people hide geocaches in their favourite places so you get to see places that you’d never have known about otherwise.

wendy has

also written a holiday

Planner Pack which includes

a more traditional packing list. to

get your free copy in the post, visit

http://holidayplannerpack.co.uk/

6. A balloon and/or bubble mixtureChildren (and adults) of all ages become very engaged with a balloon or bubble mixture and all sorts of games evolve as a result. It’s cheap and takes up little space in the packing.

7. A pack of cards and/or some old-fashioned gamesI grew up playing card games, backgammon and Connect 4 and my children are similarly enthusiastic about challenging me to a game. Children as young as five can be taught all sorts of games that are both educational and entertaining.

8. Paper aeroplane kitI bought a paper aeroplane kit recently and found that it had the entire family hooked. My three-year-old loved the


fundraising: lottery

WiN UP To £25,000 Playing Tamba’s new lottery helps fund vital work – like raising awareness so families get early, life-saving treatment for Twin-to-Twin-Transfusion Syndrome

tAMBA’s LotterYHOW TO pLAy

Tamba runs its very own lottery via the nation’s charity lottery, Unity. For just £1 per week you have the chance to win up to £25,000 and support Tamba’s work at the same time – 50p from every £1 comes directly to Tamba to help improve the lives of families with multiples.

The odds of winning a prize are 1 in 63 – nearly the same odds as having twins!

Tamba needs a regular source of income to ensure we can run all our usual services, so playing our lottery helps directly with raising awareness of Twin-to-Twin-Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS), providing bereavement support and Twinline, our freephone support service.

helping babies with tttsyour £1 per week could help us to improve tttS outcomes and help to improve the lives of multiple families in many other ways.

Twin-to-Twin-Transfusion Syndrome affects 5 to 25 percent of identical twin pregnancies sharing the same placenta and is a condition where one twin transfuses blood to the other. It is potentially life threatening for the unborn babies – but the risks can be greatly reduced if mothers are made aware of the symptoms early on. Laser surgery to separate the blood vessels carries risks, but can also save babies’ lives.

Louise Woodhall’s sons were diagnosed with severe TTTS. The effects of one twin having less blood (the ‘donor’) and one far too much (the ‘recipient’) meant the donor passed less urine and so had less amniotic fluid, while the recipient had far too much. ‘I had to undergo laser surgery at 17 weeks,’ said Louise. ‘It was the earliest Professor Nicolaides, at Kings Hospital, London had performed this procedure and it was a really scary time, with odds of one third that both survived, one third that one survived and one third that neither survived.’

A short while after the procedure Louise had a scan and both boys were doing well. Louise said: ‘Twin two (the donor) even had some wee in his little bladder but my blood pressure had gone sky high so I was admitted overnight.’ Louise was told she would need a weekly scan at Queens Medical Centre, a 180-mile round journey from her home in Lincolnshire. She was also told to take it easy as the wall of her womb had now been weakened.

After a couple of weeks of scans there were worries that twin two had a pool of water in the brain and an MRI scan was carried out. Louise was

the small print... To take part in Tamba’s lottery you must be 16 or over and reside in Great Britain. The promoter is Keith Reed, Twins & Multiple Births Association, Hitherbury House, 97 Portsmouth Road, Guildford, Surrey, GU2 4DL. Lottery Registration Number SL 152. Registered with Guildford Borough Council. Unity is operated by Sterling Management Centre Ltd. registered as an External Lottery Manager by the Gambling Commission under the Gambling Act 2005 (www.gamblingcommission.gov.uk). Contact Unity with any queries on 0870 050 9240 or visit www.unitylottery.co.uk for a full set of rules. Results can be checked by visiting the Unity website or phoning the Unity winners hotline on 0870 055 2291.

read

more about

the symptoms and

treatment of ttts in

our specialist guide,

available online at

www.tamba.org.uk

told that he might have learning or behavioural needs, but the extent would not be known until after birth.

At 26 weeks, Louise’s waters broke and she was given a steroid drug to speed up the boys’ lung development. Louise held off labour for another eight weeks, and at almost 34 weeks her sons were born via emergency C-section. Mortimer weighed 5lb 5oz and Truman 4lb 13oz.

The boys and Louise spent two weeks in hospital. The boys were in high dependency in the Special Care Baby Unit (SCBU) for 18 hours then moved to a double cot in low dependency. After four days they were transferred to Lincoln, then a few days later to a hospital closer to home.

Louise said: ‘I was miles from home and my friends and family and my state of mind was fairly poor, so I really needed to be close to home.’

Not long after, the boys were released from hospital and started life as a family at home. Mortimer and Truman celebrated their fifth birthday last November and are both healthy little boys.

Louise was told that if surgeons had not acted so early in her pregnancy, both babies would have been lost. If her midwife had known about TTTS, Louise might have been treated earlier still. Because of this Louise is passionate about increasing awareness of TTTS.

Tamba will be campaigning hard this year to improve TTTS outcomes. We are asking centres that carry out laser therapy to ensure their results are accessible so parents can make an informed choice about where to be treated. We also want a national review to see whether outcomes are better where cases are concentrated in fewer centres, or whether having more centres is better so parents don’t have to travel far.

MothercAre sPoNsors MeMBers’ hANdBook

We are delighted to announce that Mothercare is supporting Tamba’s work by sponsoring our members’

handbook and folder.

Mothercare has over fifty years of experience in baby-related products, from prams and pushchairs to clothes

for mothers and babies. it offers a 10 percent discount on purchases

over £100 to Tamba members. Shop at www.mothercare.com and enter the discount code (available from Tamba’s website) or present your membership card in store. You can also shop using the new

Mothercare iPhone App.

the cash raised by fundraising, sponsorship and grants is vital to tamba’s work. this year we have been able to rewrite and update our guides ‘Breastfeeding More than one’ and ‘healthy Multiple Pregnancy Guide’ to incorporate latest guidelines and research.

we have also produced a new guide, ‘Preparing for Parenthood: A Guide For Parents expecting twins, triplets or More’, which runs through common questions – such as when to start maternity leave, what equipment to buy/not buy, what to do if the babies need special care, coming home from hospital, how to feed more than one, and much more besides. we hope this new guide will help parents have the best possible start to family life.

how we sPeNd it

Sign up online at www.unitylottery.co.uk/tamba. or if you prefer to do things by post, phone 01483 304442 or

email [email protected] for a lottery form you can

complete and send off.

Please tell family, friends and work colleagues – you don’t

have to be a Tamba member to play. For more information

visit our lottery page at www.tamba.org.uk/lottery.

Louise with Mortimer and Truman, now healthy five-year-olds

Maria’s kilimanjaro challenge

Maria Kontos plans to scale Kilimanjaro on 14 June – climbing more than 32km over 50 hours – to raise money for Tamba in

memory of her twin girls. Maria’s babies Lily and Elissa were

born beautiful and perfect, but too tiny to survive, on 5 October last year at 27 weeks. Elissa died after eight hours and Lily after nine days. Maria told us: ‘Our world fell

apart. Not a day passes where I don’t think of Lily and Elissa – the ifs, whys and should-

have-beens. I miss them so much.’Maria wants to help others

experiencing sadness and loss by supporting Tamba’s bereavement service and healthcare campaigning and research to provide better outcomes for multiple birth families. You can help by donating at www.justgiving.com/Maria-Kontos1, or sending a cheque payable to Tamba to Fundraising Dept, Tamba, Hitherbury House, 97 Portsmouth Road, Guildford,

Surrey, GU2 4DL – please let us know it is for Maria’s Kilimanjaro challenge.

tAMBA Needs You!

FiNAL cALL For LoNdoN 10k

could you run 10km and help tamba

raise vital funds to support multiple

birth families? we still have places

in the London 10k on 14 july, and

are recruiting for the Great North

run (15 september, Newcastle)

and Great south run (27 october,

Portsmouth). contact Luciewigley@

tamba.org.uk for details.

tAMBA’s GrANd rAFFLewin holidays and other goodies with our Grand raffle. All tickets and money need to be returned by 27 june. For a full list of prizes, go to www.tamba.org.uk/raffle.

tickets can also be bought online at www.tamba.org.uk/shop.

Fundraising in memory of twin girls

20 / SUMMER 2013

advice: solving problems

21www.tamba.org.uk

dear Vikki,My 4-year-old twins are constantly bickering. is there anything i can do?elisabeth, sussex

Dear Elisabeth, Bickering is an early form of problem solving and negotiation, but multiples can face more intense rivalry for parental attention and challenges in defining themselves as different from their twin. This can create more bickering than in singleton siblings.

Hard as it is, try to remain calm. Intervene in a way that doesn’t set off further tension and show them that conflict is always resolved in a calm and thoughtful way. This is difficult, I know. I would say it’s important if you know which one created the conflict that you name them (rather than just blaming both) and give an appropriate, immediate small sanction (such as removing from the situation). If you don’t know whose fault it is then try a small sanction or distraction (briefly separate them, snack, nap).

It’s also important with post-toddler twins that you are clear about the family rules (e.g. ‘friendly voices; friendly hands and feet; treat toys with care’).

It can help to ‘time in’ with each child individually to get to the bottom of their bickering. Spend a few minutes reflecting on what you could do: do they have some toys of their own they don’t have to share? Do they have enough space to play together? Do they have a place to go to withdraw from each other when things get a bit much? Do you support each of their abilities and strengths and cultivate their self-esteem so they both feel equally worthy? Do they feel equally ‘seen’ by you? Are you doing as much for yourself as you can

to be calm and have a calming home environment?

Acknowledge and reward times that your multiples play nicely so they know that attention is gained by them relating well, rather than being difficult. Don’t label any of your multiples ‘good’ or ‘bad’ as this makes rivalry and bickering worse.

Finally, ensure you are listening and responding to any big or painful feelings that your child may be having. If you respond in a warm and loving way to your child then opioids, oxytocin and prolactin are released. Research shows that humans and animals with high levels of these chemicals do not want to fight.

dear Vikki,i have 10-month-old boy-girl twins. the girl sleeps through to 5.30am but her brother is up every two to three hours. i have tried leaving him to cry but he wakes her up and can scream for two hours. he usually ends up in bed with us and will settle with a dummy or a sip of milk. he doesn’t wake hungry by the looks of it. Nikki, via email

Dear Nikki, Children don’t tend to enjoy bedtime separation and are often creative in ways to avoid it. The difference for multiple parents it that they may be so exhausted by the physical and emotional energy of parenting multiples during the day that by the evening they have very few resources to draw on.

It might be important to consider his need for comfort and that he is possibly becoming distressed by separating from you. You mentioned some self-soothing items like dummies and I am a big believer that there is a place for these overnight. Sucking allows natural endorphins (feel-good hormones) to be released and assists

feelings of comfort and calm (essential to sleep). You could try giving him a dummy, reassuring and stroking him in his own bed (but not in your room) until he drops off. I have found it helpful to increase as much body contact as you can at these times (I climb into my twins’ bed). The child will eventually follow your breathing pattern and this will assist getting back to sleep. You can then sneak out.

Hopefully in time he will learn that he can be soothed back to sleep in his own environment. It might need a bit of ‘sticking with it’ to allow him to understand that this is what happens and you might need to take the gamble of his sister waking. Soothe her back to sleep in the same way (may require two adults). Make these changes when you have as few day-time demands as possible and stick to it every day for a week. If you have a partner then involve them in sharing the load of responding to your children, as it is essential that whoever tends to them remains calm.

More generally, establish a clear bedtime routine. The more of a ritual the evening is the better (calm play, reading or calm TV, bath, milky drink,

do try this at homepLAyING NICELy

Find a box for each child: get them to write their name on it and decorate.

each child fills their box with a selection of toys that are theirs only.

this promotes feelings of identity and ownership and may help reduce any underlying resentment at having to share everything. Birthdays and christmas are a good time to try it.

Multiples spend more time than singletons sharing. having a set of their own toys you can point them

to when things are fraught can help diffuse situations. if bickering starts,

you can give the option to play together nicely or have some time

out to play alone.

read more about play and multiples in tamba’s booklet, ‘Play’,

available from the online shop at www.tamba.org.uk/shop

help and infoBrINGING up MuLTIpLEs

• tamba runs a workshop, ‘Parenting with Multiples in Mind’, which tackles

issues such as sibling rivalry and bickering. For details see www.tamba.org.uk/parentingwithmultiplesinmind

• read more about sleep and your babies on our website at www.tamba.

org.uk/Parenting/First-Year/sleep

in 1853 a

peasant named kirilow

was presented to the

empress of russia. he had

been married twice and his

wives had given birth to

72 children, including four

sets of quads, eight sets

of triplets and eight sets

of twins!

Vikki’s friendly ear...

Share your smiles, tears and fears with chartered counselling psychologist Vikki cohen, a Tamba honorary consultant and

mum to four-year-old non-identical twin boys

share your

smiles, tears and

fears with Vikki

by emailing

multiplematters

@hotmail.co.uk

we can’t answer every

one but will feature as

many as we can

story). Keep the bedroom stimulation-free (soft comfort toys only). Don’t give foods two hours prior to bedtime that keep them awake (chocolate; proteins like meat and fish); a banana activates serotonin which promotes sleepiness.

Research shows there are no adverse long-term effects to multiples sharing a bed, and they usually tire of it by school age. The presence of a twin/multiple could be soothing and we have to remember that multiples spent months sleeping together in your womb with a high level of body contact.

Vikki with her sons Jasper, left, and Kai

22 / SUMMER 2013

primary: development

stickingtogether

‘at this stage in our lives,’ a friend said cheerfully, ‘loads of couples split up.’

She went on to explain that, having gone through those intense early parenting years, we have reached a point at which our kids don’t really need us any more – at least, apart from to ferry them around and give them money. ‘So,’ she concluded, ‘people often decide there’s no reason to stay together.’

In fact, I don’t think this is true. If you’ve weathered those frantic early years, then surely you’re due a few laughs together? There’s no shortage of bad press about living with teenagers, but there are lots of good points too. In fact, these huge gangly people can actually enhance your adult relationship.

Still don’t believe me? Here’s how...You have time to talk to each other.

F IONA GIBSON

teen: parents

his head and start sobbing. Thankfully, we are now living in more rational times (although people do tell me the menopause is fun).

It’s now possible to go out after dark. These days we don’t even have to book a babysitter. In fact, the only tricky part is deciding where to go. It has been so long since we’ve had this kind of freedom, the choice is boggling. Often by the time we’ve made a decision everywhere has closed.

You’ve lost that terrible, all-pervading nervousness. We spent years trying to prevent our sons from injuring themselves. Despite our efforts, we were constantly zooming off to A&E with a bleeding toddler weeping in the

back seat (this happened so often it’s a wonder we weren’t given a loyalty card). Living in a perpetually nervous state leaves little energy for anything else and it’s a relief, frankly, when things ease up a little. Even when I’m feeling mildly irritated with my husband, I can now look at him and think, we survived all that. Hurrah!

The kids can now cook for you. In fact, they can undertake many domestic chores, meaning a lighter workload and therefore more time to be loving and smoochy with each other (at least, that’s the theory: I have to say, it has yet to happen).

You’re both objects of ridicule. This, like being relegated to the bottom maths class along with your best mate, creates a sort of ‘united in the face of adversity’ feeling. For instance, the other day one of my boys muttered something about a flag fluttering in the garden of a brand new house. ‘That’s probably a show house,’ I said, ‘and that’ll be the building company’s logo.’ He fell about laughing before explaining – in deeply patronising tones – that it was actually the South Korean flag. When I told my husband this, he reported that our other son had mocked him for saying, ‘Be careful with that’ when handling the kettle.

We are no longer adored parents but cheap entertainment, a pair of middle-aged fools with our teenagers laughing at us. Glad to see it’s all been worth it.

How can having teenagers enhance your relationship with your partner? Fiona Gibson tells all

After years of being unable to go to the loo without some small person chasing after you, it is now possible to have entire, uninterrupted adult conversations. Admittedly, this can be scary: what if the only thing you can think of to say is, ‘Did you put the bin out?’ It might take some practise to get the conversation flowing again. Alcohol usually helps.

You’ve stopped being an oversensitive nut. Looking back, when our twins were babies I wasn’t myself. J only had to make an innocent remark for me to fly off the handle or run upstairs screaming. ‘This is a nice ham salad,’ he once had the audacity to remark – my cue to throw a velour sleepsuit at

www.tamba.org.uk 23

If you’ve weathered those frantic early years, then surely you’re due a few laughs together?

Fiona’s latest novel,

Pedigree Mum, is out

now (Avon). she is mum

to twin boys sam and

dexter, 16, and

daughter erin, 13

normal development has a wide range and multiple birth children may be at different points in the spectrum, girls typically ahead of boys. the standard advice is not to compare your children with one another, but this is hard if you suspect one child is not progressing so well.

Children often progress at different rates, depending on environment, character and individual strengths. But twins, triplets or more are bound to compare their own performances with each other. Problems with self-esteem may arise if one child consistently achieves less than the other in a particular area, especially if they feel that area to be of special value to the parents.

Try to encourage and help each child based on their own needs. Remember that children do not progress in a straight line – one may be on a learning spurt this month and overtaken the next.

If the difference in ability is really obvious and causes problems with self-esteem or willingness to learn, you may wish to consider separating the

children in school. This will relieve the pressure for part of the day, but it will not necessarily make the problem go away, and you will have to deal with the impact at home.

Make the most of skills where performance is subjective (for example, in art or story writing) to praise different aspects of work for each child. A gap in ability may be more obvious in graded subjects such as maths or science, but beware of trying to protect one child from disappointment by failing to acknowledge the success of the other; both you and your children need to consider the positive aspects of each child.

You can support numeracy by playing board games such as Ludo or Snakes and Ladders, or counting games. Make sure your children are participating fully, and that one child is not doing all the work. Let the children help you read recipes and weigh ingredients in the kitchen, and when your children are ready, practise number bonds and tables with them (ask their teacher for

advice on what to do).To support literacy, make time for

conversations and chat with each child individually. Teach them to take turns and to work independently at their own pace. Show your children that books are fun. Give them books of their own. Read stories and factual books together, discuss picture books, and let your children see you reading. Make reading something that happens every day, for everyone in the house – as a pleasure.

When your children bring home reading books from school, make time to listen to each child’s reading separately. Twins, triplets and more often like to share reading out loud, and will interrupt each other if they can decipher a word first. This may cause speed to triumph over accuracy, and is especially counter-productive if one child is a more advanced reader than the other. Plan to have shorter individual sessions with each of your children, instead of longer shared sessions.

If you think your children may have reading problems, talk to their teacher and ask what you can do to help. Reading difficulties come in many guises, ranging from an inability to recognise basic letter shapes through to a slapdash lack of concentration, and your children’s teacher will help you to identify the problem. Try to keep any difficulties in perspective. Reading is not the only important aspect of a young child’s life, so keep it fun and don’t let them worry about it.

help and infoprIMAry sCHOOL

• come to our ‘Preparing your Multiples for Pre/Primary school’ talk in London; see www.tamba.org.uk/

parentingwithmulitplesinmind for dates

• read about the educational needs of multiples on tamba’s website at

www.tamba.org.uk, and download our ‘school Admissions and Appeals’ pack

• individual cases can be referred to Anne thomas, tamba’s honorary

consultant for primary education. ring 01483 302483 for more information

• ring twinline, tamba’s freephone listening service, to talk to someone

about any concerns on 0800 138 0509, open 10am to 1pm and 7pm to

10pm daily

LEARNiNG THE RoPES

How can you support multiple birth children at primary school, especially when they learn at different rates?

24 / SUMMER 2013 www.tamba.org.uk

adult: identity

2524

KNOWING ME...Lizzie Bland spent every moment of a happy childhood with her identical twin. But at university her sister wanted to go her own way, and for Lizzie that was devastating

i am a happy, independent adult, married with three children. nothing sets me apart except a deep-rooted memory of what it was like to separate from my twin sister when i was 19 and on the brink of what should have been the most exciting, independent time off my life. in fact, it was the most unnatural, terrifying experience – but, as i now realise, it didn’t have to be like that.

In 1960, my mother was ecstatic about our imminent birth. She already had an adopted daughter and a son, so we were the icing on the cake. We were born identical with nothing to distinguish us but the tags on our wrists. From the very beginning we were the centre of our family’s life. We shared a room and spent every waking hour together. We loved each other’s company, spoke our own language and were in every way happy, contented children.

My sister and I went on the same trips, never needed outside friends as we had each other, and often dressed alike to emphasise the lovely fact that we were twins – something my parents

were very proud of. By the time we were four years old, no effort had ever been made to separate us on any occasion.

At about 12, I remember my sister was invited away overnight without me. It was a first, and my immediate feeling was how brave she was to go. I was left at school having the first day in my life without her. It felt strange though liberating, but I was happy when she returned.

Unbeknownst to me, I had become

thoroughly dependant on my sister. It felt normal and I never felt lonely; my world seemed complete. I felt lucky to have such an ally around all the time. My twin sister did the same O levels, gaining the same results, and then the same A levels with the same grades. We gained strength from being together, recognised as a unit, and seemed

perfectly normal. We were popular, extrovert teenagers.

But deep down I had a real fear that started to come to the surface more frequently. I knew that we would be leaving school soon. I had loved our time together but if we were to lead normal lives, have boyfriends and function independently, things would

have to change. The problem was, I had never spent more than that one day apart from her in 17 years.

It surprised no one that we applied to the same university, to do the same course, both having a year off to work in London and travel. We shared a flat and planned our gap year together. It seemed natural. But things were about

help and infoBuILdING INdIvIduALITy

• tamba’s trustees have a ‘Building individuality’ policy which states that it is important for multiple birth children to be treated as individuals in order for them to develop their own sense of individual identity, for example, by dressing them differently whenever

possible, ideally from babyhood or at the latest from 18 months, when their self-awareness develops. read more

on our website at www.tamba.org.uk/policy/building-individuality

• read about how to encourage individuality in multiples from babyhood

through the preschool years and into adolescence on our website at www.

tamba.org.uk by putting ‘individuality’ into the search engine

• Multiples over 16 years old can have free membership of tamba, entitling them to receive e-newsletters, access

the members’ only forum and download our magazines, which include articles

written by multiples for multiples. they can also keep in touch with the world of

twins via tamba’s Facebook page


concerns on 0800 138 0509, open daily 10am-1pm and 7pm-10pm

to change – and how could they not, for I had never really thought for myself.

At university we were widely noticed for our similarities. We were used to this attention and felt popular because of it. But I was beginning to notice my sister thriving on making her own plans, and they did not include me. I felt panicky.

Then my sister told me we would move into different houses and live apart. As the new term approached I felt terrified, lost and fearful. Driving there, for the first time in my life I knew I might not see my sister for days. I felt bereft.

My friends at the house felt like strangers. It was inconceivable that any of them would understand: they had been ‘single’ all their lives, whereas this was my first day – I felt like a lost child going to school for the first time.

I tried to chat and appear normal, but I dreaded that first evening. What would I talk about? Would I tell them the full horror of how I felt? No, I would pretend everything was normal. Off we went to buy food from the local shop. I was buying sausages and as the butcher raised his knife to separate them, I felt as if I had been chopped in half. This was the precise moment that signified to me that my life as a twin was over, and what lay ahead of me were years as a singleton. The previous, wonderful 19 years was a past life, and here I was, feeling totally alien.

I pretended to my sister that I was fine, but in any case she was busy with her own life. With her, I had felt so together and in control. Without her I went to pieces. One ghastly evening at a disco, I looked around at everyone dancing and started to cry. My university life was effectively over and I needed to get away to start building my life as a singleton, but I felt 19 years behind all my friends.

I refused the valium offered by the doctor: it would cloud my feelings, and my only option was to get to know myself, on my own, and to start immediately. There were virtually no books on the subject and no one to talk to. My mother wanted to help but had no idea how deep the problem went.

I knew that one day I would catch up. With hard work I did it, but it took a good 10 years. I love my life now and am still learning the importance of feeling an individual and following one’s own path. I wish I had started at the beginning rather than leaving it so late and ‘crashing’ like that.

It doesn’t have to be this way for multiples. There are so many things

Nurturing individuality

FIvE sMALL sTEps

• use first names not ‘twins’ or ‘triplets’; encourage others to do so

• compare them with peer group rather than each other. Be careful not to label one as good, the other as bad

• treat each one as an individual and recognise individual achievements

• do not compare one to the detriment of the other

• As they get older, encourage individual activities and interests

parents can do during the 18 years of childhood to lay the groundwork gradually for that separation. It is vitally important for young multiples to start getting to know themselves rather than just knowing their other half. You can only do this if you are not always with your twin.

Among the things I would recommend are letting twins have their own bedroom so they get used to being apart from an early age. For me, dressing twins in identical clothes is a big no-no, however cute: nothing makes twins less individual, and it can get them noticed for the wrong reasons. Separate play dates (and later sleepovers) are great: twins get used to being together all the time without being aware they rely on each other. If you start in bite-sized stages, by the time they go to nursery they will know what it is like not to always look at their twin.

Being a twin is a fantastic gift, and with the right preparation, multiples have every chance of going into adulthood ready to enjoy their independence.

Lizzie and her sister Loui, aged two. By the time they started university, they had spent only one day apart

Lizzie with her daughter, Lilla. Lizzie says she wishes she had taken slower, gentler steps towards independence from her twin as a child

My friends had been ‘single’ all their lives, whereas this was my first day

26 / SUMMER 2013 www.tamba.org.uk 27

Multiple joys

submissions: please take photos on a high resolution setting (300 dPi+). Photos cannot be used if they are too small. email submissions with ‘Photo Gallery’ in the subject line and 20 words to [email protected] by 1 july. sadly, we don’t have space to print all the photos we receive. tamba has a policy of building individuality which is used to prioritise submissions (www.tamba.org.uk/individuality).

There’s plenty to celebrate this summer with lots of newly minted families, new little siblings and new phases of life – whether it’s starting preschool or heading off on first travels

Clara and orla, identical twins born 21 December, with proud big sister Martha. Daddy is outnumbered!

iris and Martha, born 18

october at 38+2 at the

wonderful Birmingham Women’s

Hospital, and getting more

gorgeous every day

William Thomas and James

Robert, born 9 November,

preparing for their first sleep

in their travel cot

our beautiful girls Gabrielle and Francesca, born 12 September, adored by big sister olivia. Three little blessings

photo gallery: celebrations

our special girls Niamh and Alice Atkinson, aged 3, ready to start their new adventure at preschool

our beautiful Abigail and Caitlin, born 16 May last year to proud parents Stella and Craig

and big brother Liam

Dexter and Alexander Gage,

born 19 December, arrived six

weeks early because they heard

Santa was coming!

Noah and Caleb Alexander, born 5 May last year seven weeks premature, with daddy

Ethan and iwan Brown, born 26

July. our little miracles came

along after four long years – now

eating us out of house and home!

identical twins Lucas and

Dominic take a break from play

with their lovely niece, Skye

James, George and John, born 24 March

at 34 weeks, with big brother Ben

identical boys Jacob and Calan, born 3 January: double the pleasure, double the fun

Happy 3rd birthday to Jack

and Francesca, our beautiful

miracles born 2 June, love

mommy and daddy xx

our three wonderful girls: twins Chloe and Lyla, who were 1 in January, cuddle up to big sister Annabel

Emmie and olive, born in the

snow on 18 January to besotted

mums Kerri and Laura

our gorgeous girls Kate and Elizabeth Reynolds, born 17 october to Jen and Nick

our gorgeous twins Bethany and Benjamin, born 3 october. They are amazing and have given us so much joy

Martha and Charlotte Flavell,

our Momo twins. Six months old

and loved very much by parents

Jill and Robin

identical twins Emma and Daisy Mitchell, born 17 December.

our precious girls

Wendy and Martin Lloyd, 8, with brother Simon, 6, at Corfe Castle in Dorset

Toby, Noah and Alexander, born

at 28+2 weeks on 16 July to very

proud parents Melissa and Phil

Liam and Vinnie enjoying

the snow

Two-year-olds Amber and Tui are very proud of their new brother Rory, as are parents Peveline and Rocky

Melody and Sophia Galley,

aged 5, dressed up for book

week/World Book Day at school!

our gorgeous boys Richard and Taylor, born 16 November. Very proud parents Julie and Michael

Esme Niamh and Alistair Thomas,

born 29 November to delighted

parents Claire and Mark


heLPiNG LiterAcY reseArchers Elise and Charlotte Mallion, aged 8, took part in the University of oxford twins study as previously appealed for on the Tamba facebook page. Researchers came to the girls’ school and did various tests, after which Elise and Charlotte were presented with a certificate and book voucher each. We feel very proud of them as this research should help children with language or literacy problems in the future. Well done girls!Fiona and Steven Mallion, and big sister Daisy

column: four plus one postbag: readers write

LettersOur Clarks discount day for members brought the joy of new shoes to many, while elsewhere Tamba’s research into education of multiples helped one family get back on track

Summer time. Holidays. What realistic images spring to mind when you’re a parent of multiples and planning your annual break?

Sad as it is, probably not a fortnight lounging by the pool reading the latest recommendation from Richard & Judy whilst sipping a long cool drink. But I’m intrigued, not to mention desperate. What are you doing with your brood this year? Or to rephrase that question, how are you doing it?

I long to see my gorgeous three on a hot beach with sand covering their deliciously chubby thighs, and slathering Ella, Louis and Theo in factor fifty. I’d even say yes to the never-ending pleas for ice cream for the pleasure of

Camping? Not an optionAh, summer! Season of pining after a proper break... Single mum emma campbell considers the options

and four children in a field, in a tent – a tent that needs erecting, sitting by a fire that needs lighting and more potential disasters than I can count? Don’t get me wrong, I can see the appeal in about five years’ time when the kids can run wild and free and I can recline in a deckchair eating toasted marshmallows. But camping, now? Really?

Another more reasonable (not to mention achievable) suggestion is joining forces with another family and heading off somewhere together. I love

this idea. A big group of friends, all the kids having a whale of a time, enough adults to split the cost and share the load and to top it all, a readymade party every night. The problem here is that despite dropping more hints than any self-respecting person should, I’ve been met with a resounding silence.

To be fair, what family in their right mind would want their time away invaded by an increasingly moody nine

Feet oF PLAY

We had a great day out shopping for our very first pair of shoes when Benjamin and Thomas were 17 months old. We went to our local Clarks store in Billericay and the staff make the experience so much fun for the boys, although i think there was a lot of tidying to do when we left ;-) Thanks Tamba for helping us save some money. Jo Anderson

reseArch GAVe cruciAL schooLs heLP My husband and i have had a very difficult time with our six-year-old identical twin boys’ development at school, precisely because we had no knowledge that there could be a ‘twin’ factor causing developmental delay. We were even told by one teacher that one of our sons could be autistic. We were dubious and distraught at the time, as their behaviour outside school with other children and their many cousins was normal, so we just did not understand. The children have suffered at school with teasing, and it has been heartbreaking.We now think from reading your report about twins, ‘Together or Apart’, that their separation at school from nursery onwards formed a developmental and behavioural impression with them. We are talking to the school about putting them together in the same class. We have mentioned it to our twins, and their happiness about going to school has rocketed from sadness to utter joy. As parents we are almost angry at ourselves that we did not know this before. We are also getting a special needs tutor to help them one-on-one outside school.This email is to thank you, from the bottom of our hearts, for your guidance. i have since become a member, and i am looking forward to being in touch with your website on a regular basis. Patricia Milesi

Read the pros and cons of educating young multiples together or apart on Tamba’s website or come along to our ‘Preparing your Multiples for Pre/Primary School’ talk in London; see www.tamba.org.uk/parentingwithmulitplesinmind for dates

Emma with her triplets Ella, Louis and Theo and their big brother Jake

What family would holiday with a moody nine-year-old, three out-of-control monkeys and a strung-out mother?

Sofia Collom wears her new Clarks shoes after mum Francesca made the most of her Tamba discount.

knowing that finally – and for the first time in their little lives – I’ve managed to take them away.

Unfortunately, there are just one or two not-so-tiny obstacles that I’ve no idea how to get around.

Four of them, one of me. Just getting to the park with my trio and their big brother is a major expedition and so I remain at a loss as to how I manage anything further afield.

Finances are the other stumbling block between me and my dream of

a real family holiday, but then times are tough for most of us right now. So, what’s the answer?

It has been suggested to me on many occasions over the last couple of years (as I’ve whinged on about the prospect of yet another summer passing us by without a family break) that we all go camping. A rather awkward tumbleweed moment follows. Let me see: camping, you say. By camping do you mean me

douBLe twiNs?

We are looking for families with two sets of twins to talk to others in a similar situation. if you would be willing to be a point of contact please email [email protected]

year old, three out-of-control monkeys and their strung-out mother? It might feel like a break for my lot but I suspect it would be a very different experience for our companions.

So, it’s back to the drawing board and the occasional purchase of a lottery scratch card. Any bright ideas of where and how to travel when you’re totally outnumbered not to mention broke? Answers on a postcard please…

Read Emma’s blog at meandmyfour-emplus4.blogspot.co.uk

help and infoTrIpLETs ANd MOrE

• Visit the tamba website at www.tamba.org.uk to read our

factsheet ‘Parenting triplets or More – the toddler Years’ or download our

booklet ‘Good enough Parenting with Multiples in Mind’

• tamba’s triplet Buddy scheme puts triplet parents in touch with

one another. email [email protected]

• sue Plenty ([email protected]) is volunteer coordinator for tamba’s

triplets group. we also have a triplets Plus Facebook Page and triplets forum

• chat online with single parents of multiples on our members’

messageboard at www.tamba.org.uk


feature: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxnoticeboard: ads and morefocus: days out

New tAMBA discouNters Tamba has set up dozens of discounts exclusively for our members. Just visit the Tamba website at www.tamba.org.uk/discounts for details of discounts on holidays, clothing, equipment and more, and for the codes to claim your money off. Any organisation wishing to offer discounts to our members should contact [email protected]. Here are some of the latest deals:

LittLe GeMs (www.littlegemsboutique.com) Little Gems Boutique offers baby gifts, baby and child fashion and shoes for babies up to age 12. Tamba members receive 10 percent off on purchases of two items or more.

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PArtYBits2Go (www.partybits2go.co.uk)Fantastic range of party supplies for magical kids’ parties: Partybits2go is a family-run business owned by a mother of twins that specialises in providing a great selection of children’s party supplies with minimum fuss and at competitive prices. We are a one-stop party shop with great party accessories and partyware with the latest and best kids balloons, fancy dress, party ideas, decorations, party games, party bags & more. Let us help make your kids party a great

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reNewiNG discouNtersA warm thank you to the following discounters, all of which have renewed their offers to Tamba members:

keYcAMP (www.keycamp.co.uk)Discover their range of camping and mobile home holidays across Europe, plan your ideal family holiday and save up to 40 percent off your 2013 Keycamp holiday. Check for availability and parks included in the offer.

eurocAMP (www.eurocamp.co.uk)Eurocamp offers an excellent choice of camping holidays in France as well as a range of European Holidays across 153 parcs in 11 European countries. Save up to 40 percent off your 2013 Eurocamp Holiday with the Tamba discount code.

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FruGi (www.welovefrugi.com)Frugi Organic childrenswear are offering 20 percent off for Tamba members. Technically designed for supreme comfort and fit, made from soft organic cotton and ethically manufactured.

skiBz (www.skibz.co.uk)Tamba members can obtain our Skibz bibs and Feederz online with 15 percent off by quoting the discount code.

the BuNkcot coMPANY (www.thebunkcot.com)Our space-saving ‘Convertible’ Bunk Cots are suitable for newborns and children up to six years old. Tamba members will get a 10 percent discount on Convertible Bunk Cot in beechwood and white

My day todayit’s one thing singing ‘old Macdonald’ to your twins and laughing at their versions of farmyard animals (‘no, Finn, that’s not what horses say’). it’s another turning that happy tune into a successful reality – as in a day without tantrums. By the tired parents, that is.

Manor Farm, near Southampton, seemed like a good idea given some unexpectedly fine weather. Our boys are just over two and a half now and the packing for a day out has improved. Now that Finn and Oscar are potty trained, there is no need for a jammed changing bag. All we need these days are drinks; snacks; spare pants and trousers for any unfortunate events; baby wipes; fold-away potty and bags for the larger emergency; and we’re all systems go...

The boys are excited – they know we are going to the farm. They are even excited by the wristbands we had to put on them to enter. That is, for ten minutes, until one of the farm workers has to cut them off as they wail ‘Take off! Take off!’, by which I think they mean ‘We are not numbers, we are free individuals’.

Once they are equipped with bags of chicken feed, we see their different approaches. Oscar has his bag clasped tightly, eying up potential victims; Finn keeps his in Mummy’s bag because it is

on from the neck grab to a soothing massage of the back.

The best thing about the farm, though, is the field of sheep and horses out back with a wide grass walkway. Here the boys can run, unhindered, to their energetic joy.

Both boys love tractors, so the line of old rusting tractors in the middle of the farm area offers a great distraction. Not being able to read, they assume the sign commanding people to ‘Please keep off the tractors’ actually says, ‘Finn and Oscar, we command you to slip from your parents’ control and climb on every tractor in ecstatic glee’.

And that’s what’s nice: they are beyond the stage of reins and buggy for a day out like this. The farm is the sort of place you don’t have to worry about them in any kind of public way. It is open and big enough; there is so much to see, so much to jibber-jabber about, even occasionally making some thoughtful sense communicating in entire sentences.

They’re at a great stage just now, and I almost don’t want them to grow any more – their speech is still so damned cute and they run about in that lovely end-of-toddlerhood way.

All said and done, it’s a successful day out, and easy. No tantrums; no public displays of anger; no crying. Just good, old-fashioned farm magic.

Feed the chickens, stroke the rabbits (without choking them), neigh like a horse and don’t throw a tantrum. Toddler twin dad johnny Pearce has fun at the farm

less effort than carrying it himself. Now, chicken are fine: they are

pretty mobile and have free range of the farm (apart from the ones in their runs). The baby rabbits, chicks and the duckling – well, you have to feel sorry for them: twin toddlers with little frame of reference and at the beginning of their ‘stroking’ learning process are a frightening prospect. Finn’s version of stroking involves grabbing (think Homer getting his son Bart by the neck). Oscar has a better grasp, so to speak: gentle and controlled.

The unworried helper tells us that all toddlers start off stroking like Finn. Phew, he is no murderous psycho. In fact, Finn goes to the rabbits and moves

DISCLAIMER: Multiple Matters is published by the Twins and Multiple Births Association, registered charity 1076478, registered company 3688825. Multiple Matters © Tamba 2010. ISSN 0967 – 8867. Tamba would like to point out that items in the magazine are collected from individuals and excerpts from newsletters etc. The views and suggestions are taken in good faith and the opinions expressed are not necessarily endorsed by Tamba. Likewise, advertising or the use of product names does not constitute a recommendation or endorsement by the Association.

Apprehensive about taking your twins abroad?Why not rent our modern 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom house in Spain? 30 minutes from Alicante or Murcia airport, 10 minutes drive from the beach. On the edge of a traditional Spanish village. Fully equipped for twins. Swimming pool. Roof terrace.

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the twiNs GiFt coMPANY (www.thetwinsgiftcompany.co.uk)The Twins Gift Company offers a unique and comprehensive selection of gifts for twins and families of twins of all ages and for all occasions. To get your 10 percent discount just enter your discount code at the checkout.

eVerYdAY MAterNitY (www.everydaymaternity.com)Everyday Maternity offers a 10 percent discount off maternity wear and breastfeeding clothes with your discount code.

koNFideNce (www.konfidence.co.uk)Visit our website for all our your baby and toddler swimming needs including baby wetsuits, aqua nappies and buoyancy jackets. Tamba members receive a 10 percent discount.

MArk wArNer (www.markwarner.co.uk)Mark Warner offers 7 percent off any price advertised or brochure holidays for families including kids clubs and crèche, enabling parents to rest and recharge their batteries.

johnny’s book,

‘twins: A survival Guide

for dads’, is available

from Amazon

Mm summer 2013

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Transcript of Mm summer 2013