Incognito Music, Models, and More Vol. 8 (November 2012)

INCOGNITOmusic, models, and more

Vol. 8, November 2012Rock With A Hockey Twist

Models, Music, Artists, Writers:

[email protected]

OR

PO Box 2070Mission Viejo, CA 92690

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© 2012 Groovy Rutabaga Publications.All Rights Reserved. Reproduction in

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music, models, and more

CHIEF WRITERGary Schwind

LAYOUTRachel “Rae” Park

COPY EDITORBob Brower

CONTRIBUTORSJason Bowman

John KesslerCarin Merritt

Shannon LattingRachel “Rae” Park

Eric ScrantonGeorge Swar

FEATURED ON OUR COVERS

(front cover)The Zambonis photoillustration by Rachel “Rae” Park

Photo courtesy of The Zambonis band.

(back cover)Barbie Bre Gallegos photo

Photo courtesy of George Swar.

1 Letter from the Editor

1 Who We Are

8 Beer Reviews

17 The Merritts of Mixology

21 Have You Heard?

23 Album Reviews

26 The Guest List

5 songs for learning the upright bass

ii Incognito Music, Models, and More (November 2012) incognitomusicmagazine.com

IN EVERY ISSUE27 The Flashback

28 Cinephile

Monthly movie reviews

30 Don’t Be That Guy

31 Ask Uncle Sal

33 In Our Next Issue

2 The Zambonis Incognito’s feature artist4 Bre Gallegos This month’s feature model19 Peachfuzz Second music feature

FEATURES

Incognito / November 2012CONTENTS

PEACHFUZZ

Peachfuzz’s guitarist talks new album, music style, and more!

19

Get your Incognito gear!(shirts, panties, pint glasses, etc.)

atcafepress.com/incognitomusicmagazine

EDITOR’S LETTERYes, loyal reader, we did get the memo that the NHL season is on hold. We can’t worry about things like that. We’re more concerned with featuring worthwhile bands. Hockey season or not, I think you’ll agree that the interview with Dave Zamboni is a good one.

And really, what would you have us do? Not only do we have an interview with Dave Zamboni, but we also have our featured model Barbie Bre Gallegos in a hockey jersey. Would you have us retract that simply because the hockey season may not happen? If you vote for that, you have not seen how good Barbie makes a hockey jersey look.

But it’s not just the time where hockey season would ordinarily start. It’s also time for Thanksgiving and our resident mixologist has a drink that will go great with that apple pie on your table at Thanksgiving. Also, our beer panel took the time and effort to research apple pie moonshine (yes, you read that correctly) for your Thanksgiving guests.

And we liked the guest column idea so much that we have made it a permanent part of the magazine. We call it The Guest List. This month, our Guest List column is by Setra, Daughter of the Sun (@setra). If you haven’t heard her music, you should check it out. She is a soulful singer who brings to mind Joni Mitchell and Tracy Chapman.

We think this magazine has gotten better with every issue, and that is largely due to the tireless efforts of our Cinephile and layout designer Rae Park (@raesblog). However, this issue would not be what it is without our beer panel, including Adam (@3guys1movie) and Shannon (Facebook: shannon.latting), our mixologist Carin, and our resident photographer George (georgeswar.com). As always, thanks for reading.

Your loyal melomaniac,Gary Schwind

Incognito: for the musical omnivoreWho are we and what is Incognito, you ask? Well, we are a collection of music lovers that gets by on irresponsibly few hours of sleep, Guayaki energy shots, and power naps. Unhealthy? Maybe, but this isn’t a magazine about health...unless you mean the mental health music gives. Incognito is a magazine for the musi-cal omnivore - the person who loves good music no matter what genre. Take this issue, for instance. We have interviews with a hockey rock band and a rock and roll trio from Los Angeles. We also cover psycho surf, punk-ska, and an acoustic singer-songwriter. That’s pretty good range if I do say so myself.

Why do we do this? For several reasons. First, we love music. Music is a constant at Incognito HQ and we put this magazine out for all those people out there who wouldn’t know what to do with themselves if they didn’t have music, particularly music that you’ll never find on your radio or maybe even at your local music store. We do this because a lot of bands have a big budget for publicity. But for every band that is backed by a good amount of money, there are hundreds more that make music because it’s what they love to do. We also do this for every person who has ever been in a bar and thought “I’ll puke if that jukebox plays The Eagles one more time.” In short, we publish this magazine for every musician and music fan that has ever been in a dark club in a nowhere town on a Tuesday night for one reason only: good music.

We celebrate the bands that live in tour vans eating crappy food, swilling cheap beer, and making just enough money to get to the next gig. In other words, no matter how you classify the music, we celebrate the rock and roll ethos and we hope you do too.

incognitomusicmagazine.com Incognito Music, Models, and More (November 2012) 1

WHO WE ARE

2 Incognito Music, Models, and More (November 2012) incognitomusicmagazine.com

What was the genesis behind starting a hockey rock band?

We like other sports. We like food. We like many things but we love hockey. That’s part of the reason. We were in England, my two buddies and I, and we wanted to watch hockey. That was very hard to do in 1991. It’s probably still hard to do. Back then it was BBC 1 2, 3, or 4. The chances of hockey being on one of four channels in London was not good. That’s how it all began. I said, “Why don’t we just write some songs about hockey?” One guy called me an idiot. The other guy called me a genius. We went with the other guy’s opinion. The other guy went to Yale by the

way and he said I’m a genius so we went with his opinion. That was the beginning. We wrote a couple songs in a flat in England. That was it.

When was the first time you realized you were onto something with this band?

It’s kind of the most pure moment. Before you think “Maybe we can make some money.” We wrote a song for the Colorado Avalanche and a station started playing it. They were in the running for the playoffs. The station and the Avalanche said “We want you to play a couple games when we play the Red Wings in the playoffs. What do you want for that trip?” I looked at the guy from Yale again, my genius partner, and I said, “Four worn practice jerseys.” That’s what we got.

It was McNichols Arena before it was the Pepsi Center and we played in the parking lot. We were in heaven. We also got to play The Bluebird

hat you do when you’re a musician and a giant hockey fan? You start your own genre: hockey rock. By phone, Dave W

Zamboni discussed the band’s origin, playing events like the NHL All-Star Game, and who in the band is most likely to end up in the “penalty box.”

Photo courtesy of The Zambonis. w

ww.thezam

bonis.com

A collaboration byGary Schwind & Carin Merritt


Theater on that same run. We got to play the radio station. That’s when we realized we should start asking for more than jerseys and ask for a little money. I think they did throw in 500 bucks just for our pure naivete. We were dumb fellas.Did you guys get championship rings for helping the Avalanche win the Cup?

No. We got the plastic mugs that the pretzels came in. You had to buy it. I’m moving and I just found the plastic mugs we bought at those games. No rings.

You’ve played some pretty big events...All-Star games, playoff games. Which one means the most to you and why?

It’s really strange. The big events do mean a lot to us. The small events do too. It sounds like I’m writing a press kit. Playing a peewee benefit in Vermont is just, in a weird way, as thrilling as some of the big things. Obviously playing Staples Center for the 2002 All-Star Game was outrageous. All our dressing rooms were right next to each other so it was just strange to ask Patrick Roy and Mario Lemieux to move a little bit so we could open the door. It was just bizarre. I never did drugs, but if I did, that was a pretty fun trip. Three bands were playing: Jewel, Five for Fighting, and us. Next to our door was a curtain and there’s Jewel with her dog. From a hockey standpoint, that was it. The smaller events are really cool too. There’s so many, it’s hard to remember.

We played two weddings. One was on the ice in Boston at Cam Neely’s hockey joint. If I told you, you’d say “No way!” but it happened. There are pictures. The priest was a ref and the bride and groom’s families went up against each other and we were the band. It was pretty perfect.

What was it like playing Ray Bourque night in Boston?

That was awesome. We got involved with that by working with the Bruins on some benefits. We played in the parking lot. I’ve said many dumb things, but probably one of the best things I’ve ever said was that night. Terry O’Reilly (legendary Boston Bruins brawler) came up to us and said, “Hey you guys are fun. I like your stuff. I looked at him and said, “I’m a

huge fan. Could you please punch me in the face?” The guy next to me said, “What are you, an idiot?” O’Reilly gave me a little jab. It was awesome. His hands are huge...big ham hocks. I’ve used that line again, but that was the original. They get a kick out of it most of the time. Sometimes they look really excited.

Let’s say the band has a penalty box. Who’s the first guy in the box and for what?

That would be John for playing too loud. Also John for not returning e-mails or phone calls. That’s not a team player. That’s a problem. But he’s so talented in so many ways, we let him slide. There have been incidents where people get by with many things in the NHL. (under his breath) Theo Fleury. I was a big Theo Fleury fan, but he slid by for many things he did wrong for a while.

What would you be doing if you weren’t making music?

Probably sleeping or in a coma.

The Zambonis have a video for the song “Captain” available on the band’s homepage. Also, the song “I’m a Puck” will be played at Anaheim Ducks games...provided the NHL season takes place.

4 Incognito Music, Models, and More (October 2012) incognitomusicmagazine.com

arbie Bre Gallegos is aBAngeles, who ably stepped into a very different role for us. She discusses being a pinup, trucks (she might know more about trucks than you), and taking particular pleasure in "pretending" to beat up the head honcho of Incognito in her photo shoot.

pin-up model from Los


Give us the elevator bio of Barbie Gallegos.

I am Mexican American. Born in East LA. I currently live in LA and I am a total California girl. I started modeling at 18 and I have loved it since. I told myself since I was little I would work hard to be a model and here I am. I started working with my good friend Jason Espat and we had one shoot and from there we blew up. I started getting calls and messages about other gigs. I've always loved pinup but I wasn't sure if I could pull off the look and sure enough with no doubt I tried it and I've been doing that and glamour modeling. I hope to keep moving up and learning the tricks of the trade for being a great model.

You're normally a pinup model. What is the most challenging thing about being a pinup?

I would have to say that perfect face. You need to look cute sassy and classy all at the same time.

What was the most challenging thing about

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your shoot for Incognito?

Looking like I’m really punching Gary (laughs) Everything was fun and George made it very easy to do what they were asking for.

What are three bands you will see whenever you get the chance?

Rage Against the Machine, Dramarama, The Quakes

What are three bands you could absolutely do without?

I don't think I have any.

You pose in front of a lot of cars. What car would you most like to have in your garage? Why?

I would say a 1955 Chevy pickup. The car runs crazy fast if you work on it well enough. Believe it or not this truck has 123 horsepower at 3800 rpm. It has a standard three-speed transmission. I love standard trucks! And it just has such has an amazing look.

Tell us something that people find surprising about you.

That I'm a goofball and I play around alot (laughs). I love laughing at everything.

What is the next item on your bucket list?

I need to get my mechanic license and go sky diving.


How it works

Gary provides five beers of a certain style for everyone to taste with the general guideline that he has not tasted these particular beers. He pours everyone a sample. As the panelists drink, they make notes about the characteristics

of the beer you see in this article. When all the panelists have finished rating the beer, Gary reveals what it is and the panelists discuss their notes on the beer.

That's it. Now on to our reviews of red ales.

Grateful (For) Red


Note: In this edition of the beer panel, Adam was unable to join us and our previous panelist Eric ably filled Adam's chair.

Meet the panel:

Eric - The engineer with a thirst for beer

Gary - The substitute teacher (he's nominally in charge but no one listens)Jason - The jockJohn - The raconteurShannon - The Food and beverage expert, and coconut oil enthusiast

The prize of the panel


Bear Republic Red Rocket Ale

Technical StuffEric: Smells like the alcohol content is on the lighter end of the scale. It's reddish in color, but not dramatically so. Smells more malty than hoppy.

Gary: Ruby color, not a bad head. I has a malty, kind of nutty nose.Jason: It's a light golden brown with a good nose and nice head retention.

John: She be red like a hound. I love the caramel-colored head. It has a nice nose.

Shannon: It's golden brown at the core fading to a light gold rim. Good effervescence. It has light caramel undertones on the nose and a bitter almond skin note and orange rind on the nose.

TasteEric: The malt just drops away at the finish, leaving the hop bitterness.

Gary: It has a nice hop character. It's very clean and a little dry at the finish. It has a sort of vinuous feel.

Jason: It's clean, balanced, and goes down the hatch easy.

John: Nutty, creamy, delicate.

Shannon: It has a round body with slight creaminess. The nuttiness continues on the palate.

I would drink this...Eric: With something heavy.

Gary: While watching football all day...if I ever got that opportunity.

Jason: Occasionally.

John: Almost anytime but in a snowstorm.

Shannon: With mature cheeses: bleus and ched-dars.

I would recommend this to...Eric: Other people. (The editor says: "Other people? That's helpful. You would recommend this to everyone but yourself.")

Gary: Anyone who enjoys an amber or Irish ale.

Jason: Someone who is trying a red ale for the first time.

John: My friends to keep them close and my en-emies to keep them closer.Shannon: A house party crowd.

Overall impressionEric: It's OK. It's not flawed, but I don't like much malt in my beer.

Gary: This goes down real nice. I could session this and pay for it later.

Jason: It's a good beer, easy drinking with a nice finish.

John: I like this as a red overall.

Shannon: It's great!

Food pairing suggestionsEric: Greasy stuff - burgers.Gary: Cajun sausage.


Jason: Grilled cheese.

John: Anything that starts with p: pork chops, pretzels, pizza, pepperoncinis.

Shannon: Mature cheeses.

Score (out of 10)Eric: 5Gary: 7.5 Jason: 7.4John: 8Shannon: 7

Heretic Brewing Company Evil Twin

Technical StuffEric: A bit more head retention than the Bear Republic although the color is the same.

Gary: It's cloudy and unfiltered. The color is very ruddy - reddish-brown. It has a floral hoppy nose.

Jason: It's brown and has good head retention.

John: It's a little dark. It has a caramel odor and good head retention, but the dark color of the head is unappealing.

Shannon: Medium brown at the core with a good concentration of color and a golden brown rim.

TasteEric: I like this better than the Bear Republic. It seems better integrated.

Gary: It's earthy with a little spice at the finish. It's very clean and balanced and finishes pretty dry.

Jason: It's smooth, malty, toasty. It tastes nice.

John: It's a caramel and sugar overload. It doesn't feel broken down with malts and sugars, but you can taste the alcohol.

Shannon: It's complex. I taste chocolate malt balls with bittersweet chocolate.

I would drink this...Eric: After my fourth or fifth good aromatic hoppy beer.

Gary: After work, with dinner, as a nightcap.

Jason: Again.

John: When a friend buys the round.

Shannon: At the end of a meal with dessert.

I would recommend this to...Gary: Adventurous beer drinkers.

Jason: Someone who is not a fan of red ales, but likes a smooth, malty beer.

John: A bartender just to see what they think of the swill they serve.

Shannon: A diner in a good restaurant. This is a great food beer.


Overall impressionEric: This is pretty nice if you are a fan of this sort of beer.

Gary: It's complex, but it goes down real easy and burps well. I could easily take another one of these.

Jason: It's a good red ale - something I would recommend.

John: Meh.

Shannon: Good and weighty.

Food pairing suggestions

Eric: Burgers, pizza.

Gary: Chicken mole.

Jason: Jalapeno sausage and fries.

John: A Stone IPA to give it flavor.

Shannon: Desserts or a steak crusted with coffee or rubbed with espresso.

Score (out of 10)Eric: 7Gary: 7.2 Jason: 7.2John: 4Shannon: 8

The Bruery Loakal Red

Technical StuffEric: Good head retention. The nose has some odd chemical/cleaner aspect to it. The color is toward the brown.

Gary: It's more brown than red. It has a good head and an herbal nose.

Jason: You can smell the alcohol. Good head retention. Dark brown and carbonated.

John: The head retention is great - looks like a snow plow went right through it. The color is like creme brulee.

Shannon: It's orange-copper with a medium concentration of color and a straw-colored rim. It's cloudy (unfiltered).

TasteEric: It has a short finish. The malt is less prominent than the previous beers.

Gary: It's floral and herbal with a unique flavor.

Jason: It's complex and tangy.

John: Jagermeister tones, but not the licorice part. It has malt overtones with herbal undertones. It's a little heavy.

Shannon: It's light, tangy, and herbal.

I would drink this...Eric: If I had to.

Gary: With food. I wouldn't just pour a pint and drink it.

Jason: On occasion.

John: After a barbecue and before dessert.


Shannon: On a summer afternoon. It's light and refreshing.

I would recommend this to...Eric: Folks who like ESBs.

Gary: People who are open to trying different things.

Jason: Someone looking for a light, fruity red ale.

Shannon: All the ladies.

Overall impressionEric: It's lighter, but has a prominent hop profile. I probably wouldn't buy this.

Gary: It's well done, but it's so unique I don't know how frequently I would drink it.

Jason: It's a solid and unique red ale. I enjoyed it.

John: Good.

Shannon: Nice and light.

Food pairing suggestionsEric: Meat pies.

Gary: Chicken tarragon.

Jason: Halibut.

John: Herb-crusted chicken, thyme- or rosemary-based light meats.

Shannon: Beet salad with arugula and goat cheese.

Score (out of 10)Eric: 6Gary: 7 Jason: 7.6John: 7Shannon: 8 Ballast Point Tongue Buckler

Technical StuffEric: Good head retention. It's brown - no red here. The nose says imperial red but in a couple minutes has dropped to sweet and malty.

Gary: I can smell the alcohol in it. It's rust-colored with a good head and a very sweet nose.

Jason: It's golden brown with strong head retention.


John: Awesome head retention and really nice cloudy color.

Shannon: It's golden-copper with a medium concentration of color and a light gold rim.

TasteEric: The first taste tells me with a vengeance that it's an imperial red. Quite a lot of hop bitterness and it finishes surprisingly dry.

Gary: Wow! The first sip kicks like a Missouri mule. It's toasty and malty up front with a nice, dry hop finish.

Jason: It's complex, high in alcohol, and heavy.

John: Happy happy happy mouth! This is a rollercoaster of flavors from bitter to malty to herbal to citrus to burnt caramel, then back to bitter. Repeat.

Shannon: Sweet citrus undertones (orange, marmalade). It's malty in the middle and finishes bitter.

I would drink this...Eric: To get fucked up.

Gary: By a fire when I don't have to go anywhere.

Jason: As a nightcap after a nice hearty meal.

John: When I feel I need to start challenging my palate and start my session beer.

Shannon: Only if I had to.

I would recommend this to...Gary: A newly-paroled prisoner. No better taste of freedom.

Jason: Someone looking for a complex, tasty beer.

John: A mature palate.

Shannon: Someone with a more developed palate.

Overall impressionEric: The alcohol is present. It has plenty of hops to counter the malt.

Gary: It's really good but would be better at cellar temperature.

Jason: It's complex and strong.

John: Very nice and complex.

Shannon: It's OK, but driven by bitterness. (The editor says, "If I had a nickel for every time I heard that about me...")

Food pairing suggestionsEric: Food?

Gary: A creamy dessert.

Jason: Ice cream.

John: Arugula salad, barbecued peaches with goat cheese, bacon-wrapped scallops.

Score (out of 10)Eric: 6.6Gary: 8.2 Jason: 7.8John: 8.7

Coronado Brewing Company Red Devil

Technical StuffEric: This one here is red. The head is not much. The nose is red roasted malt and alcohol but it doesn't scream imperial.

Gary: It has a deep, opaque ruby color. Some piney and floral hoppy notes in the nose. When I swirl it around and smell it, I get pumpkin flesh.

Jason: It's brown with a good head.

John: Light head and a dark red color (Pantone 578). The nose has anise, freshly-carved pumpkin guts, malts.

Shannon: Great graduation of color from a subtle red at the core to bronze to a yellow rim.

TasteEric: The finish is short with limited bitterness.

Gary: It has a weighty mouthfeel with some woody notes. It's well-balanced with a dry finish.

Jason: Coconut and pumpkin. It's bold and heavy-bodied.

John: It's hearty and tastes like fall with some


maple syrup flavor.

Shannon: The guys said it and I concur: pumpkin flesh.

I would drink this...Eric: Rarely.

Gary: Right before driving go-karts.

Jason: For dessert.

John: When watching leaves turn color and fall from the trees.

Shannon: In a pumpkin patch. It's fall in a glass.

I would recommend this to...Gary: Pirates, poets, longshoremen.

Jason: Fans of red ales.

John: Anyone in Maine during fall.

Shannon: Adventurous beer drinkers who are interested in trying different flavors.

Overall impressionEric: It's kind of an average higher-alcohol red. I don't see anything here I need to try again.

Gary: It's incredibly complex. It's very heavy but man is it good.

Jason: It's an interesting beer with a complex taste and a vibrant finish.

John: I like it.

Shannon: Good.

Food pairing suggestionsGary: Pumpkin soup, pumpkin pie.

Jason: Waffles.

John: Pancakes, pork chops, goat cheese.

Shannon: A Thanksgiving-inspired turkey and cranberry sandwich.

Score (out of 10)Eric: 3Gary: 8Jason: 8.1John: 8Shannon: 7

Old Smoky Apple Pie Moonshine

Loyal reader, since this is the Thanksgiving issue, I thought I would provide a little treat for our beer panel and consequently for you. After finishing our beer panel where we rated red ales, we had communion with a jar of Old Smoky Apple Pie Moonshine. Of course we had communion with it. It comes in a Mason jar, so attempting to pour it into a glass will only mean spillage and we can't have that. Why Old Smoky? Well, there are plenty of dessert drinks you could have with your Thanksgiving dinner, one of which is described by our own mixologist Carin (and a fine drink it is). But what if you don't want something in a fancy glass? What if you would just like whiskey? Well, that's where this moonshine comes in.

When you take the lid off the jar, you’ll notice that Old Smoky smells just like apple pie, sweet and spicy. Then you taste it and you realize you are drinking apple pie. I’m not kidding. This stuff is dessert in a jar. It is called moonshine, but it goes down real easy not only because it tastes like apple pie, but also because it’s only 40 proof. And therein lies the danger of this beverage. It’s only 40 proof, it tastes like apple pie, and it comes in a container that invites drinking directly. It doesn’t take Steven Hawking (obviously...look who’s writing this piece) to do the math on that one. All that adds up to feeling real good real quick and then looking down and seeing only the bottom of the empty jar. That’s when you realize that this drink is good and evil in the same container.

This Thanksgiving, if you really want to treat those at your Thanksgiving dinner, pick up a jar of Old Smoky and have your own communion with it as you eat your dessert. (Nothing quite like having liquid dessert as you consume a solid dessert.) As a friend of mine once said, “You haven’t lived until your uncle brings you moonshine for the holidays. Here is your chance to be that uncle.



The Merritts of MixologySpiced Apple Pie Martini

by Carin Merritt

After moving away from home at the ripe age of 18, any excuse to be surrounded by people who are inherently as crazy as I am has become ironi-cally refreshing. Something about a family unit which possesses the same type of crazy makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Family is the number one reason the month of November is so dear to me, probably because this is when Thanksgiving occurs and our whole extended family gets together. Let the games begin.

Allow me to share a few tame facts about my eccentric family. Dad has a photo wall in his shop named ‘the flip-off’ wall. Every photo is of a family member or friend flipping the camera off. I love it. Family gossip has included, who is adopted, who has gotten the latest plastic surgery, which marriage is failing, or who has a secret pregnancy. Even my dog barks at her stuffed animals for hours straight for no apparent reason. When someone throws it, she stops barking, runs to it, and then continues to bark at

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it…forever. Predictable chaos thus is the source of my entertainment.

But there is something else so alluring about November. The senses of taste and smell are the greatest trigger for memories. Nothing can ever compare to the cooking you grow up with and the warm inviting feelings those senses revive. Tradition has stood the test of time and in no way has my life away from home ever steered me from sticking to the customs I was raised with. My Thanksgivings will always consist of succulent oven-roasted turkey, cinnamon-spiced sweet potatoes, dinner rolls slathered with butter and honey, green bean casserole infused with fried onions, sweet sliced ham, juicy roast beef, bacon topped deviled eggs, green salad (extra croutons please), three versions of potato salad, a smattering of pies: pumpkin pie, warm apple pie, tangy lemon pie, patriotic strawberry, blueberry and cream pie, sparkling cider for the kids’ table, and an assortment of alcohol for everyone else, always including a signature cocktail.

Once the meal is started, there is one rule: the meal isn’t finished until you can no longer breathe and you are unable to button your pants. Thanksgiving is not an occasion for pansies. Many members drop out. Before all is done, someone is asleep: in a corner on the floor, on the couch, or in a chair, we’re not particular. When it is acceptably time to dig into dessert, most of us couldn’t fathom trying to squeeze in a bite. My sister’s solution is to allow her meal only to consist of desert items; she’s creative like that. I on the other hand, have found a better trick to solve this dilemma. Why not take my favorite drink, alcohol, and mix it to taste like desert? Genius.

A perfect pairing with these dishes is the Spiced Apple Pie Martini. Martinis are always a great choice because they typically contain the highest ratio of alcohol to mixers (if there are any mixers at all). For those who fear a dessert drink is too thick and heavy, let me assure you the ingredients keep it light. The Spiced Apple Pie Martini has a sweetly warming and appealing smell. When sipped, the taste buds are awakened with a layer of flavors, starting with the spice of cinnamon, followed by fresh apple, and finished with a hint of whiskey. The

alluring color of the martini represents the fall season well. I like to garnish it with an apple slice and whipped cream because if you are going to make a liquid apple pie, you have to do it correctly! Making this martini is very simple and all the products can be found at any local store. I’ll suggest specific brands, but any ingredient can be substituted for a different brand of your choice:

Ingredients:2 oz. Bernheim wheat whiskey½ oz. sour apple schnapps½ oz. Goldschlager cinnamon liquor1 oz. apple juice

Garnishes:Lime juice CinnamonOne thin apple sliceWhipped cream

Tools:Martini glassCocktail shakerStrainer

Instructions:1. Cut a lime into wedges and pour a little bit of cinnamon onto a plate. Take one lime wedge and run it along the rim of the martini glass in order to create a sticky surface. Take the martini glass and evenly dip it into the cinnamon until the entire rim is covered evenly.

2. Grab a mixing tin with ice and pour inBernheim whiskey, sour apple schnapps, Goldschlager, and apple juice. Cover the mixing tin and shake well.

3. Strain the mixture into the martini glass while avoiding touching the rim.

4. Cut a thin apple slice and float it on the top of your martini.

5. Next add whipped cream to the top of your apple slice and sprinkle cinnamon over the whipped cream. Enjoy.


Complete the sentence. Peachfuzz is...

Y'know, that thing when every hair on your body is tingling, you've got goose bumps so big they're more like goose lumps, while you jump up and down on your bed like a 5 year old with your best friend until you both fall down dreaming.Every Peachfuzz song feels like that.

Tell me about the new album and why I should have the album in my collection. The new album is called "Fall Down Dreaming" and it was engineered, produced, mixed, and mastered by Shane Smith at Estudio International in Lincoln Heights, California. We

did 13 songs, 10 of which will end up on the vinyl release. It's been several years since we've made a record and this new album is a basically a collection of rockers from our live set that seemed to stick around and got good audience response. The sound of this record is very true to our live sound. No acoustic guitars or keyboards were harmed during the making of this album. We also recorded a single called "Zuma Girl" with a surf guitar instrumental "Drainpipes" as the b-side. All of which which will be released on vinyl and digitally on bandcamp.com.peachfuzzrocks on the Outstanding Unit Record label aka OURecords.

Everyone should have this new Peachfuzz record or any Peachfuzz record in their collection because it will actually destroy, disintegrate, and eradicate that first Pearl Jam record you put it next to. Peachfuzz records will not, however, bring harm to your Partridge Family, Parliament, or Teddy Pendergrass albums.

What does it mean to you when someone calls you "the best band in L.A."?

eachfuzz is a three-piece band described by Whore-hay of Radio Free Bakersfield as “the best band in L.A.” According to P

the band’s Facebook page, it plays both kinds of music: rock and roll. Right up our alley. Via e-mail, guitarist Andrew discussed the band’s new album, who he’d like to collaborate with, and what he’d be doing if he weren’t making music.

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It means that that person needs to get out more or is on the Peachfuzz propaganda payroll. Or it's my mom. Seriously though, I think we're a good, fun little band. We're not the best band in LA, but definitely one of the best bands you can still see for under $10 bucks.

What are some L.A. bands that you are a fan of?

The Knack, The Quick, Van Halen('78-'84), The GoGos, The Beach Boys, The Carpenters, The Mothers Of Invention, The Runaways, The Byrds, Sonny and Cher, all the hot new acts the kids are into these days.

I've always loved Redd Kross, and they have a new album out which is really fucking good. And old Silverlake pal from the band Threeway, Jason Shapiro, is in the band now, and they sound better than ever.

Also check out Casino 66, Babies On Acid, The Black Mambas, and anything on Burger Records.

If you could collaborate with one band or artist (living), who would you choose? Why?

I would love to work with Producer Roy Thomas Baker in an all analog studio (preferably in a castle somewhere in Scotland) with Jeff Lynne and Jon Brion co producing. And George Martin. Oh sorry, you said just one band or artist. Then it would have to be Sir Paul McCartney. Why?

Because he's Sir Paul Fucking McCartney.

If you were going to go off the board and record a song in some completely different style, what style would it be? Why?

Funny you ask, because I recently went to Greensboro North Carolina and did just that.I recorded some country songs with some brand new friends. I'm from Texas and I just thought it was time to mix it up. Slept on a couch in the studio for seven days and the musicians I worked with were mostly from a new band called Jack Carter and The Armory who are amazing. The studio is called On Pop Of The World and it's run by Randy Seals, original drummer for Peachfuzz. The stuff I did there sounds nothing like the peachfuzz you know and love.

What would you be doing if you weren't making music?

I'd be doing hard labor up in Folsom. Music both saved my life and ruined it. Like all relationships, it has it's ups and downs. Love and hate. But mostly love.

When I was a kid I wanted to be an architect. or a soccer player. or a hairdresser.

But seriously, if I wasn't making music, I'd be making my lunch. Which reminds me. I'm hungry.


Have You Heard?

The Black Lanterntheblacklantern.bandcamp.comMy introduction to The Black Lantern went something like this: "Here we are. We're a new band (1 year), we play loud music, and enjoy beer, food, effect pedals, and vinyl." I don't know about you, but that seems like a fine howdy-do to me. And I'll tell you something. Jesse (drums) who wrote that was not lying. This band does play loud music that involves a lot of effect pedals, feedback, distortion, and shouting. If you like Rage Against the Machine, The Black Lantern will fit pretty well into your collection.

Demon Wafflefacebook.com/demonwaffleI'll admit it. I think Demon Waffle is a great name for a band. Why? Because it's hard to ignore a name like that. Let's face it. A band's name is a great way to draw potential listeners before they even hear a note of the music. This Chicago band plays an upbeat brand of punk-ska (with a healthy infusion of funk...especially in the guitar) that brings Mighty Mighty Bosstones to mine (minus Dicky Barrett's raspy vocals). You'll want to have your dancing shoes on when you listen to this band because Demon Waffle will get you moving.

One Fathom Downreverbnation.com/onefathomdownThis band from London advertises itself as Psycho Surf, a label I have to admit I've never seen on any other band. To take it one step further, the band declares it is "the psychosurf love child of a dirty three way between Dick Dale, Poison Ivy and Link Wray." How is that for a band description? Psycho Surf is as good as any term as I could come up with for this band. You can definitely hear some elements of surf in this, although these guys have swapped reverb for sheer volume. Not that I'm complaining. The band also does a cover of "Train Kept a-Rollin'" that is most definitely not like the Aerosmith version you know. If you like your rock loud and fast, get to know One Fathom Down.

Macatierfacebook.com/macatierMacatier is a solo acoustic singer-songwriter from Bristol, UK. His playing style reminds me of Micah Schnabel of Two Cow Garage. His vocals are clean enough to allow you to hear his accent when he sings. He has pretty solid songwriting chops for a 21-year-old, and when you listen to him, you realize he's only going to get better at his craft. If you've been looking for a new singer-songwriter in your collection, Macatier is a good choice.


album reviews

Gentle Will and the SettlersDeep Pull gentlewillandthesettlers.bandcamp.com/

Deep Pull begins with a song that has a real old-time feel to it and it's not just the sound of the guitar. The song itself sounds like it was record-ed on some vintage equipment, something we'll never complain about. William Yang's voice re-minds me a bit of Brett Dennen. It is in the higher registers and it never strains.

The music of Gentle Will and the Settlers is list-ed as folk and Americana. I certainly can't ar-gue with that. Will Yang has a songwriting style that is steeped in the folk music of America. If I had to guess, I'd say that Yang listened to a lot of Ramblin' Jack Elliott, Townes Van Zandt, and The Jayhawks.

If you look at the notes on the band's Bandcamp page, you will see that a real DIY approach was taken in recording this, with different musicians being plugged into different roles depending on the song. We applaud the DIY approach in gen-eral and I definitely applaud this self-relased al-bum from Gentle Will and the Settlers. If you like mellow melodic alt-country, this is a good band to check out.

Rosie FloresWorking Girl's Guitar (Bloodshot Records, 2012)rosieflores.com

I don't know about you, loyal reader, but I am an all-day sucker for female vocalists who sound both sweet and tough. Rosie Flores certainly is both. The sweetness in her voice comes through in her sad songs like "Yeah, Yeah" and "Love Must Have Passed Me By." In these songs, she really conveys the hurt with her voice, much like the country singers of the past. With these sad songs, it's easy to imagine Flores on stage at The Big D Jamboree. But then, it's not just the sad songs. The old-time rockabilly sound of "Drug-store Rock and Roll" is easy to imagine on one of those Big D Jamboree compilations.

On the other hand, when she wants to sound tough, she does. She channels the spitfire atti-tude of Wanda Jackson with songs like "I'm Little but I'm Loud," a rocking number whose sound is closer to Led Zeppelin than the country/rocka-billy you'd expect from her. In fact, the entire al-bum is a little more rock than country and Flores has the perfect voice for it. If you're already a fan, this album will not disappoint you. If you don't know Rosie Flores already and you like roots rock, this is a good album to check out.


Wo FatThe Black Code (Small Stone, 2012)facebook.com/pages/Wo-Fat/127735577283067

Small Stone is a record label that I really enjoy because this is a label that specializes in heavy rock. There is just no other way to classify the sound. It's not quite metal. It's just a beefy brand of rock. The Black Code is one of the latest releases from Small Stone, and it delivers exactly what I've come to expect from the label. Wo Fat believes in big, heavy guitar sounds, and drums that sound like they are being pounded into submission. This is excellent music for a road trip because it just begs to be blared out of car windows. If you like heavy guitar riffs and music you can pump your fist to, check out Wo Fat.

The BonnevillesFolk Art and the Death of Electric Jesusthebonnevilles.co.uk

Blues purists will tell you there's no such thing as garage blues. They will tell you that a band that calls itself garage blues is just playing you some rock and roll. Well, loyal reader, I don't care what the purists say. I know there is such a thing as garage blues...and I dig it. I love when someone plays a greasy slide guitar and pairs it with a drummer and nothing more.

And you get a healthy dose of slide guitar with The Bonnevilles. If the slide guitar in "Get Myself a Gun" doesn't get you grooving, I don't know what will. And if you think that's good, just check out the slide work in "By the Time November Comes." But wait! There's more! The guitar at the beginning of "Hell" brings to mind both Stevie Ray Vaughan and ZZ Top. If you like what The Black Keys used to do (you know, before the arena tours and the appearances on late-night talk shows), you will like The Bonnevilles. More to the point, if you like Left Lane Cruiser, you will like this band. This is gritty, greasy blues at its finest. Maybe it doesn't come from the Mississippi Delta, but who's to say you can't have the blues in your garage?


Movies rated by beers!We review movies by beers, not stars. We give bad movies more beer, it actually makes them better. Movie reviews for beer drinkers. Beer > Tomatoes.

MovieBoozer.com’s ratings always start with A Toast. If you’re like us, then you like a cold one in your hand anytime you’re watching a movie. You’re no alcoholic, but you like a good beer whenever you are seated and watching for example: a daughter’s ballet recital, a Nascar race, a tennis match, a baseball game, strippers… you get the idea.

As the movie gets tougher to watch, adding beers make what you’re watching better, hopefully. The worst possible rating is a Six Pack. We know that some of you need more than that to start forgetting things, and some of you start heading for the fat chicks when somebody opens a beer in the room. Adjust accordingly.

MovieBoozerMovies Measured by the Pint!

A Toast! Great Movie! Movies Rated One Beer:127 Hours, 500 Days of Summer, A Christmas Story, Bad Santa, Beasts of the Southern Wild, Black Swan, Caddyshack, Dead Man, Die Hard, Drive, Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind, , Finding Nemo (2003)Game Change, Hanna, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2, Hobo With a Shotgun, Jaws, Kung Fu Panda 2, Martha Marcy May Marlene, Middle Men, Moneyball, Moonrise Kingdom, National Lampoon’s Animal House, Pan’s Labyrinth, Papillon, ParaNorman, Paris is Burning, Quills, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Restrepo, Return Of The Living Dead, Ted, The Artist, The Avengers, The Cabin in the Woods, The Fighter, The Getaway, The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, The Goonies, The Kid, The King’s Speech, The Muppets, The Social Network, The Thing (1982), The Tillman Story, Titanic, Toy Story 3, True Grit, Warrior (2011)

We Are What We Are, Where the Wild Things Are, White Dog, White Heat, Working Girl, Young Einstein

Six-Pack! Do not be sober for these movies! 6 Beers:2-Headed Shark Attack, A Thousand Words, Alvin and the Chipmunks in Chipwrecked, Atlas Shrugged: Part 1, Bad Biology, Beastly, Blubberella, Bucky Larson: Born To Be A Star, Dylan Dog: Dead of Night, Eegah! (1962), Flash Gordon, Freddy Got Fingered, Ghost Rider 2: Spirit of Vengeance, Grimm’s Snow White, Gulliver’s Travels, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil, Hop, How Do You Know, Jack and Jill, Labor Pains, Madea’s Big Happy Family, Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus, Motherhood, New Year’s Eve, One for the Money, Prom, Reindeer Games, Rubber, Season of the Witch, Skyline, Somebody Help Me, Strange Brew, Take Me Home Tonight, ThanksKilling, The Almighty Thor, The Amityville Haunting, The Apparition, The Beast of Yucca Flats, The Change-Up, The Dilemma, The Garbage Pail Kids Movie, The Happening, The Lucky One, The Nutcracker in 3D, The Oregonian, The Possession, The Room, The Roommate, The Sitter, The Square, The Three Musketeers, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part One, The Ultimate Ultimate, Thomas Kinkade’s Christmas Cottage, Transformers: Dark of the Moon, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, Troll 2, Twilight, Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Witness Protection, What To Expect When You’re Expecting, Yogi Bear, Zombie Apocalypse

movieboozer.com | Twitter: @MovieBoozer


I just bought an upright bass (also known as double bass) and am learning to play it. When I was a child, I traveled the world with my mother, never stopping in any one place long enough to lay down roots, let alone go to school. As a consequence, I never developed the patience for a classroom environment, opting instead for on-the-job training. So, when it came to learning to play bass, I did what any music junkie would do: I created a playlist of songs to play along with. Here are five of those songs:

1. Jeff Finlin - In My Masterpiece (Ballad of a Plain Man)

Not only does Finlin have a voice that I could (and do) listen to for hours on end, but the simple minimalistic bass line is a great way to learn how not to overplay on this type of song.

2. Keane - Better Than This (Perfect Symmetry)

Playing double bass is... Well it's just plain physical. Sometimes I feel like I'm running my fingers up and down a person and not a 6 feet tall hollowed out hunk of wood. My tall brown lover dances with me as I caress his strings, not playing all the right notes yet, but getting closer every day.

3. The Brand New Heavies - Never Stop (The Brand New Heavies)

I was already a fan of these guys when Columbia Records enlisted them to demo one

The Guest List: 5 Songs for Learning the Upright Bassby Setra, Daughter of the Sun

of my songs, Who Do You Love. We wound up not doing the song together (and I wound up not signing with Columbia), but I became a huge fan of Andrew Levy, the group's bassist/producer. And who couldn't use a little more funk in their bass playing?

4. Sade - Siempre Hay Esperanza (Stronger Than Pride)

Playing bass along with Paul S. Denman is great for nailing down my tempo and rhythm. Plus it's just such a sexy song!

5. Gotan Project - Tango Cancion (Lunatico) I don't tango but playing bass along with Christoph H. Müller makes me want to. This song is great for learning how to play a running bass line, which is almost fun as tangoing, I'm sure!

The FlashbackThe Woggles

Soul-Sizzling 7” Meltdown

One thing is clear as soon as you put this album on. The Woggles have masterfully put together two of our favorite genres: garage and soul. The guitar is pretty much pure 60s garage, but then to make the sound even more amazing you add in some soulful and funky basslines and some amazing rock and roll screams. (I will always have a place in my heart and my ears for a well-placed rock and roll scream.)

Now, I know I have mentioned my three-year-old son more than a few times in the pages of this magazine. He obviously hasn't started a career as a music writer yet, but that doesn't mean the kid has no knowledge. Now, I could sit here and talk about my son and his love for music, but I will limit myself to this. He loves this album. He discovered it one day while scrolling through the iPod and immediately liked both "Soul Sister, Brown Sugar" and "Knock "Her Down." So what? you say. Well, if you've never seen how a kid that young connects with music it's really something. If a song has a good beat that is easy to move to, a kid can be drawn into it. And it doesn't hurt if there are some lyrics that are easy to sing along with, and a few places where the kid can let loose with his own rock and roll scream.

This collection is a masterful blend of garage rock and soul that will have your head moving even if you're listening to it in your beige cubicle at work. (Frankly, I can't think of anything better to help you through your day of drudgery.) If you like modern garage rock and classic soul, this is a great album for your collection.



CinephileMovie Reviews

By Rachel “Rae” Park

It’s been an extremely busy couple of months—I haven’t had the time to update my website at all, so all you loyal Incognito readers are going to be in for a bit of a treat this month. You all will be the first to read my thoughts on my three movie picks for the month. I’m sure I’ll get around to the more extensive reviews on my website eventually, but at the moment I can’t say an exact date when that’s going to happen. It’s also a wonder that I even have three movies to talk about at all, since my schedule has been so cha-otic, I haven’t really had the time or energy to go to the theater as well. Anyway, without further ado, here’s what I have for you all this month.

Here Comes The Boom

Starring: Kevin James, Salma Hayek, Henry Winkler, Greg Germann, Bas RuttenRuntime: 105 minutes

This review is going to sound a little biased because I just love Kevin James. I feel like he’s pretty naturally funny in just about everything I’ve seen him in, both movies and television.

Here Comes The Boom is no exception, and I think this is one of his funniest films yet. While part of the plot seems like it stole some ideas from Edgerton & Hardy’s Warrior, the story is completely different and much more lighthearted. I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s DVD-shelf worthy—I think it depends on one’s personal preferences—but I do think it’s one that can be watched a few times over.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower Starring: Logan Lerman, Emma Watson, Ezra Miller, Mae Whitman, Paul Rudd, Nina DobrevRuntime: 102 minutes

This is one of those rare instances where I think I enjoyed the movie a lot more than the book. I tried reading the book when I first heard some buzz about it, and for some odd reason I just couldn’t get into it. The movie, however, made me appreciate the book so much more, and I enjoyed it so much that I think I’ll probably be purchasing it when it becomes available on DVD.


It’s got a bittersweet flavor to it. I don’t think everyone will be able to relate to the characters or the situations they go through, and some of the parts seem a little over the top; however, despite all that I think that this is a film people might enjoy.

Chasing Mavericks

Starring: John Weston, Gerard Butler, Elisabeth Shue, Abigail SpencerRuntime: 115 minutes

I had no idea this was based on a real person until after I had watched it. After finding that out, it made more sense to me why most of the movie seemed to go by so slowly. I remember having felt like I was watching a documentary of someone’s life during some parts. I think I would have appreciated the film more initially had I known it was based on real life events from the start. Regardless, if you’ve watched and en-joyed the movie Soul Surfer, then there’s a likeli-hood you’ll enjoy this film.

The Ratings

5 Stars: A great movie that can be considered timeless or classic. (Equivalent to an A+)

4.5 Stars: Solid story, but may leave a few plot ends loose or there may be inconsistencies. (Equivalent to an A, A-)

4 Stars: Good story, but there’s clear room for improvement in some areas. (Equivalent to a B+, B)

3.5 Stars: A movie lacking in “wow” factor. (Equivalent to a B-)

3 Stars: Flat average viewing experience; not great, but not horrible either. (Equivalent to a C+)

2.5 Stars: A movie that passes the time; watch in theaters if you have an itch to see a movie. (Equivalent to a C)

2 Stars: More of a DVD rental type of movie. (Equivalent to a C-)

1.5 Stars: Very difficult to stay interested; at times seems to drag or go on too long. (Equivalent to a D+)

1 Star: Very little perks; consider as a rainy day movie. (Equivalent to a D)

1/2 Star: A very select few may enjoy this movie.(Equivalent to a D-)

0 Stars: Boring; great movie to catch your Z’s in–may have been a pain to finish or impossible to finish–possibly even a movie someone would walk out on. (Equivalent to an F)

Ratings scale based on, but differs slightly fromcuttingedgecreativity.wordpress.com. Visit CEC for more extensive reviews of each of these movies, including those not featured in Incognito due to space limitations.

There's plenty of movies that I want to see that are either already released or will be releasing in the next couple of weeks. Here's to hoping I won't be too busy to watch and write about them! See you all again next month!

Don’t Be That GuyYou're rounding up some of your mates for a few beers and you see his name on your phone. He's your friend, but you're reluctant to give him a call because you know what happens when he joins you. Sure, it's more fun to drink with him, but it's also more dangerous. Nevertheless, you call him and see if he can meet at your favorite watering hole for a few rounds with the rest of the guys. He is, after all, your friend.

So you meet at your favorite watering hole and this guy wants to get the party started. He is through his first beer while the rest of the crew is only halfway through the first round. He orders another one and finishes that only moments after you finish your first round. So it's time for another round: his third, your second. Midway through this round, he's looking at the drinks of the other guys in the group. He's nearly through his third and you've barely started your second.

"C'mon!" he yells. "I thought we were here to do some drinking. I didn't realize I came to choir practice."

The rest of the crew looks at you as if to say, "You're the one that called him."

He tells the whole crew to fire their drinks back. You all argue that you don't want to make it a competition and he tells you that if you gulp your beer down, he'll get the next round. So you get your drink down quickly and he indeed buys the next round. Before you know it, you're doing all the things that make drinking with him fun: busting on his sports teams and taste in women, singing along to the songs on the jukebox. The next few rounds (hours) go by in a blur, punctuated by him yelling "C'mon!" when he thinks someone is lagging in the drinking. You feel like maybe you've had enough and you tell him that. He has had nowhere near enough for his taste and he tells you to keep up. Then the moment comes. After all the liquid you've just consumed, you have to take a massive whizz, but if you do, you'll probably find another beer (tasty, yet unnecessary) waiting for you. You tell him you've had enough but you have to

pee. You maybe even take the trouble to turn your empty glass upside down. He swears that he understands. Then you return to your stool to find a full pint and if you're lucky, he hasn't convinced the bartender to drop a shot into it. Ultimately you only have two ways to stop the madness. First, you call a cab because there's no way you can drive after drinking with this guy. The second possibility is that he drinks so much that he becomes incapacitated and the entire bar breathes a sigh of relief.

You know him. He's your friend even if the thought of drinking with him kind of scares the stuffing out of you. He is the guy who makes every drinking outing into a survival contest that nobody really wins. Don't be that guy.

30 Incognito Music, Models, and More (November 2012) incognitomusicmagzine.com

ASK UNCLE SAL

Dear Uncle Sal,

With the big thanksgiving dinner soon upon us, I got one of those giant pots you put in your lawn and fill with grease and dump a bird into. I heard you can make a kind of bird sandwich with a turkey, a duck, and a chicken. You're supposed to stuff one inside the other but I don't know what goes where or what to stuff with who. It seems to me it may be a delicate operation on this kind of project so I thought I ought to ask a pro. Can you tell me where to stuff it all?

Sincerely,Bird Brained

I gotta tell ya Bird Brained, it's a good thing yer writin' to someone that has manners. Ya serve up that question about where to stuff it to some other columnists and they'll tell ya where to stuff it for sure. Now on to yer question. First, I gotta say that the deep-fried turkey is one of the finest culinary creations I can imagine. First person to do that was a genius. As long as he (and we know it musta been a guy that first got the idea to deep fry a turkey) wasn't one of them guys that made a giant fireball when he dropped the turkey in the oil. Ya gotta be careful when yer deep fryin' a turkey. Oh, and don't ever drop a frozen turkey into the hot oil...unless ya want a flaming turkey rocket shootin' into the sky in yer neighborhood.

As for this sandwich yer talkin' about, it's called a turducken and here's what ya do. I swear I ain't makin' this up. Ya take a chicken and stuff it into a duck. Then ya take the duck (with the

chicken) and stuff that into yer turkey. Now, here's the thing. I like meat as much as the next guy, but I never prepare a turducken for my Thanksgiving. Course I'll eat it if it's at someone else's house. The taste of them three birds together is amazing, but it's a lot of reachin' into animal cavities for my taste.

Dear Uncle Sal,

The other day, my wife told me someone left a pick-le in the sink. I asked her was it a spear or a slice. She told me it was a slice. Only when I went into the kitchen and looked in the sink, I saw a spear. How is it possible that my wife doesn't know the difference between a pickle slice and a pickle spear? And how do I explain this difference to her without sounding condescending?

-Muddled in Maddahonka

That is a puzzler, Muddled. Is it possible yer wife just don't like pickles and maybe that's why she don't know the difference? I don't know about you, but that seems un-American to me. What kinda person don't like pickles? I tell ya what, I can't have a pastrami sandwich without a spicy dill pickle on the side. Say, ya know what else is good? Friend of mine gave me some pickled green tomatoes recently. Boy, ya put some of them on a sandwich and you'll never go back to plain tomato slices.

Anywho...on to yer question. How do you explain this to your wife without sounding condescending? Ya don't. That is to say, you can explain to her the difference between a spear and a slice, but you can't avoid sounding condescending. At least in her mind. Ya could explain it as simply as possible and she'll think yer being a condescending jerk. Why? Because she generally thinks yer a jerk anyway. And that ain't sayin' nothin' against ya because I don't even know ya. It's just her station as yer wife to think yer a jerk. However long ya been married, she's been tellin' herself "I coulda ended up with Randy the golf pro and instead I ended up with this lugnut." Nothin' personal of course. All I can tell ya is to avoid the pickle explanation altogether because the best thing that could come of it is that you spend a couple nights sleepin' on the couch.


In Our Next Issue...

Plus:

•Our featured model, Sophia Rosales•Reviews of holiday ales•A special Christmas edition of The Merritts of Mixology•Film reviews by our Cinephile Rae•Another musician contributes to “The Guest List”

AND MORE!

We help you celebrate the holidays bluegrass style with Old Man Markley (from the intersection of punk and bluegrass) and The Grasstronauts (from Chicago).


INCOGNITOmusic, models, and more

Vol. 8, November 2012Rock With A Hockey Twist

Incognito Music, Models, and More Vol. 8 (November 2012)

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