Document

23rd JANUARY, 1973

NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE UNION

F R E E ! No. 325

R E T A I N E D B Y

P O P U L A R R E Q U E S T

"P the J and FD"

If you are an undergraduate, you

are entitled to a grant of £480 a year.

Next year this w i l l be raised to £500.

If you are lucky enough to l ive i n hal l

or student house, and your parents pay

you the ful l parental contr ibution, you

are probably not al l that badly off. The

"no t i ona l e lement" in the grant for

board and lodgings is £275 in L o n d o n

(£240 elsewhere). Supposing that you

eat. chez Mooney three times a day,

it probably only costs you in the re

gion of £230 - £240 — including £11 a

year new halls levy.

On ly 1,200 students l ive in hal l or

house. What about the other 2,800 of

you? L i v i n g in a digs wi th breakfast

provided costs, say, £6.50 a week dur

ing term, and £2 a week retainer during

vacations. So between October and June

you pay £218 just for lodgings—add

Mooney food (about the cheapest re

fectories in the University) and we arrive

at a figure of roughly £330 — £55 more

than al lowed for in the grant.

L i v e i n a flat, and you can expect to

be lucky to pay £6 a week right through

vacations, too. That 's £234 — £345

wi th food, and £70 more than the no

tional element. This is equivalent to

a cut of one-third in the amount al

lowed for clothes, books, travel and

everything else.

The current grant level was negotiated

in 1971. This al lowed for a rise i n

three stages: to £465 for 1971-72, £480

for 1972-73 and £500 in 1973-4. These

figures were based on previously ex

perienced rates of inflation.

A "Student Cost Index " has been

calculated — pretty much the same as

the ordinary cost index, but leaving out

thinks l ike carpets and cookers and

other things that don't affect us, and

weighting everything that does correctly

(more or less). Acco rd ing to this, the

rise i n costs i n 1971-2 (academic year)

was 7 .9%. The rise in grant was 2 .9%.

When the grant levels were changed

in 1971, so was the floor of the parental

means test scale. This had an interest

ing effect on the increases in the total

amount paid in grants by L o c a l Educa

tion Authorit ies. Whereas their pay

ments increased by 1 2 % , the total

Action for Higher Grants

NOW T e n days ago Imper ia l C o l l e g e U n i o n re jected a rent s t r i ke . Never

the l ess , a subs tan t i a l m o t i o n o n grants w a s p a s s e d a l m o s t u n a n i m o u s l y , a n d

the un i on execu t i v e is s t i l l p u s h i n g for a c t i o n . Pos te rs b a s e d on th i s photo

g raph a n d s l o gan are a l r eady g o ing up in a l l U S K co l l e ges . T h e N U S is

o r gan i s ing demons t ra t i ons a n d a " D a y of A c t i o n " .

W e l l , w e a l l k n o w that every year , w i t h mono t onous regular i ty , the

po l i t i c i ans a m o n g s t us o rgan ise a C a m p a i g n . Last year is w a s over the

au t onomy i s sue . T h i s year i t ' s g rants . But be fore y o u go off into a corner ,

c u r l up , cove r your f ace w i t h F E L I X a n d go to s l e ep over wha t m i gh t appear

to be the inan i ty of it a l l , forget the " a c t i o n " a n d e xam ine the fac ts . A w o r t h

w h i l e exe r c i s e . I hope y o u ' l l agree, s i n c e mos t of us re ly s o l e l y on grants

for our l i v e l i h o od dur ing the a c a d e m i c year . No p ropaganda , p r o m i s e : just

fac ts . He re they are.

parental contributions increased by

6 9 % — or, at least, the amount that

should have been paid in parental con

tributions d id .

No t everyone is lucky enough to get

£480 a year, even in the university sec

tor. If you're female and a student,

and thinking of getting married, the

government's advice would seem to be

" d o n ' t " . A t least, not unless your in

tended spouse is a student too. Because,

if he isn't, you only qualify for £275 —

subject to a means test on your parents.

That figure was f ixed in 1965, and hasn't

been raised since.

O f course we in universities are

greatly privileged under the grants

scheme, for there is a mandatory rate

of grant.

Every undergraduate (not l iv ing at

home) at Imper ia l College is entitled

to £480 (subject to parental contr ibu

tion), regardless of where he comes f rom

or where he lives i n London . Th is is

not the case for students in further (as

opposed to higher) education — for

example, technical and art colleges.

These students are o n discretionary

awards. The discretion is that of the

Loca l Educat ion Author i ty , and i t is

their decision how much (if any) grant

is to be awarded. Since each L E A acts

differently, geographical inequality also

occurs.

M o s t grant-receiving students are l iable

to parental contributions, as assessed by

a means test. It has been estimated

that only about 2 5 % of students qual i

fying for parental contributions receive

them in ful l . The average parental

contr ibution, leaving aside students on

the m in imum award of £50, is approx i

mately £90. Evidence suggests that

students not obtaining the full parental

contr ibut ion receive on average some

5 0 % of this figure in cash and k ind .

On l y students w i th parents having a

"res idual i ncome" (after allowances) of

less than £1,100 get the ful l grant w i th

out deduction from their L E A , and they

pay £1 for every £10 they earn over this.

A n d , of course, parents lose 10% of

any pay rise they may get.

That is a thumb-nai l sketch of the

grants situation. Grants have lost £80 in

value since 1971 in London .

M a r r i e d women are very much the

poor relations of their spinster counter

parts. A n d even they are better off

than students in F . E . colleges. M a n y

students in a l l sectors are losing money

through the parental means test.

The N U S , hardly surprisingly, has

thus decided to mount a campaign to

change the situation.

EXTRAORDINARY GENERAL MEETING

Thursday 1300 hrs Great Hall - COME!

F E L I X January 23rd, 1973

Phosphorous the Jobrot

and Ferocious Din

Part six of a serialisation of the book by

S. J. Swailes

'Sorry, lads. H e says, even i f L o r d Penney does without, we can't have

more than a £250 r i se . "

MOTION t o b e p u t t o T h u r s d a y ' s

E x t r a o r d i n a r y G e n e r a l M e e t i n g

S U P P L E M E N T A R Y

G R A N T S

T h e f o l l o w i n g m o t i o n w i l l

b e p r o p o s e d a t t h e E G M o n

T h u r s d a y .

In r e c e n t m o n t h s p r i c e s o f

e s s e n t i a l s s u c h a s f o o d ,

r e n t s a n d t r a n s p o r t h a v e

r i s e n f a s t e r t h a n e v e r b e f o r e .

In t h e l a s t t w o m o n t h s a l o n e

p r i c e s r o s e b y 6 p e r c e n t

w h i c h i s a n a n n u a l r a t e o f

3 6 p e r c e n t . T h i s U n i o n

t h e r e f o r e d e m a n d s S u p p l e

m e n t a r y G r a n t s a s c a s h p a y

m e n t s e a c h t i m e t h e c o s t o f

l i v i n g r i s e s . T h e r a p i d r a t e

o f i n f l a t i o n m a k e s i t e s s e n

t i a l f o r s t u d e n t s t o h a v e

m o r e m o n e y n o w . S e p t e m b e r

w i l l b e t o o l a t e , m a n y s t u

d e n t s w i l l b e f a c e d w i t h

t h e c h o i c e o f l o o k i n g f o r

j o b s i n e x a m t i m e o r g o f h g

w i t h o u t p r o p e r f o o d . F u r t h e r ,

H e a t h ' s W h i t e P a p e r t a k e s

a w a y a n y b a r g a i n i n g r i g h t s

f o r g r a n t s a s w i t h w a g e s .

W h a t i s t h e p u r p o s e o f a s t u

d e n t u n i o n w h i c h c a n n o t b a r

g a i n o r t a k e a n y a c t i o n f o r

g r a n t i n c r e a s e s w i t h o u t f a c

i n g s t i f f p e n a l t i e s a n d f i n e s .

T h i s m a k e s a g r a n t s c a m

p a i g n a b s o l u t e l y u r g e n t a n d

m a k e s i t c l e a r t h a t i t m u s t

b e l i n k e d t o t h e d e m a n d t o

c l e a r t h i s r e a c t i o n a r y T o r y

G o v e r n m e n t o u t o f o f f i ce .

T h i s U n i o n t h e r e f o r e r e

s o l v e s t o :

( 1 ) C a m p a i g n f o r S u p p l e

m e n t a r y G r a n t s l i n k e d

t o t h e d e m a n d t o c l e a r

t h e T o r y G o v e r n m e n t

f r o m o f f i ce .

( 2 ) I m m e d i a t e l y e l e c t f r o m

t h e U n i o n m e e t i n g a n

8 m e m b e r a c t i o n c o m

m i t t e e t o o r g a n i z e t h e

f o l l o w i n g c a m p a i g n .

a ) A o n e d a y s t r i k e

o n T h u r s d a y , F e b r u a r y

8 t h a n d a d e m o n s t r a

t i o n i n p r e p a r a t i o n f o r

t h e d a y o f a c t i o n o n

F e b r u a r y 2 1 s t . T h a t i n

o r d e r t o e n s u r e t h e

m a x i m u m p o s s i b l e s u p

p o r t f o r t h e c a m p a i g n

t h e a c t i o n c o m m i t t e e

m u s t c o n t a c t a n d w o r k

w i t h L o n d o n R e g i o n

N U S a n d a l l s t u d e n t

b o d i e s , a r r a n g e s p e a k

e r s a t m e e t i n g s a n d o r

g a n i z e m e e t i n g s w h e r e

s t u d e n t u n i o n s a r e

w e a k o r n o n e x i s t e n t .

F u r t h e r , c o n t a c t l o c a l

T r a d e s c o u n c i l s . U n i o n

B r a n c h e s a n d s h o p

s t e w a r d s c o m m i t t e e s

f o r s u p p o r t f o r t h e

c a m p a i g n .

e n d o f m o t i o n .

MARTINS' BIT a & e m m b e r

T O M E M B E R S O F C O U N C I L

The B u m p h for next C o u n c i l is now

in the pigeon holes in the U n i o n Office.

Please collect it.

T O D E P A R T M E N T A L R E P R E S E N T A T I V E S

Because of the diff iculties the Presi

dent has had in foretell ing the U . G . M .

mandate with regard to organising de

partmental meetings, it appears that

some departmental reps are not carry ing

out their duties, either to the U n i o n or

the department.

o n I X a g C f j a r i t i e *

•select ion

The R a g Charit ies Selection wi l l take

place at the U . G . M . on the 18th Feb

ruary. A n y b o d y who would l ike to no

minate charities should send details to

Paul Hosk ing , R a g (Carnival ) C o m

mittee Cha i rman , as soon as possible,

please.

a tfcfjetmle

o f b u £ i n e s &

at WLuion m e e t i n g *

Please note that this schedule is l iable

to revision.

January 2 5 t h — E . G . M . ; Grants C a m

paign; E lec t ion of N .U .S . Secretary; P . G

Affairs Officer; Mot i ons for N .U .S . con

ference of Exeter. M o t i o n on Indo-

Ch ina .

February 1st: A th le t i c G r o u n d C l u b

A . G . M . (before U n i o n Meeting). C o n

stitutional changes.

E lect ion of N .U .S . delegation.

February 15th: Selection of R a g C h a

rities.

M a r c h 1st: Hust ings of President,

Deputy President, Secretary and Ed i t o r

of Fe l i x .

M a r c h 15th: Resul t of Elect ions;

E lect ion of Non-Execut i ve Officers;

Second Read ing of constitutional

changes.

There w i l l , hopefully, be time for mo

tions of these meetings.

T h e j u n g l e w a s d a n k a n d d a r k a n d de p r e s s i n g . H u g e f e r n s t o w e r e d o v e r t h e t r i o , a n d t h e g r o u n d w a s t h i c k w i t h b o t a n i c a l d e b r i s . S t r a n g e s o u n d s a s s a u l t e d t h e ex p l o r e r s ' e a r s , h o o t i n g , s c r e a m i n g — w a s t h a t a c r y f o r h e l p i n M o n g o l i a n , t h a t a n i n v i t a t i o n t o l u n c h i n S e r b o - C r o a t ? T h e y w o u l d n e v e r k n o w .

W i t h t h e T w i g w o r m b u l l d o z i n g a p a t h t h r o u g h t h e u n d e r g r o w t h , t h e y p r e s s e d o n . I t w a s v e r y h o t . T h r o u g h t h e d i f f u s e g r e e n l i g h t t h a t b a t h e d t h e j u n g l e , t h e y c o u l d s e e o n l y a f e w s t e p s a h e a d . T h i n g s r u s t l e d i n t h e s h r u b b e r y , c r a s h e d t h r o u g h t h e f e r n s o v e r h e a d , a n d h o w l e d i n t h e g r e e n n e s s . D i d o t h e r , h e a v i e r f o o t s t e p s e c h o t h e i r o w n ?

" E r , F e r o c i o u s , " s a i d P h o s p h o r o u s , " d o y o u t h i n k w e ' r e d o i n g t h e r i g h t t h i n g ? C o u l d n ' t w e g o b a c k t o t h e b e a c h a n d p e r h a p s w a i t f o r t h e T w i g w o r m e r y t h e r e ? " A s i t h a p p e n e d F e r o c i o u s h a d b e e n t h i n k i n g a l o n g t h o s e l i n e s h i m s e l f .

" F o r o n c e , d e a r l a d , y o u h a v e a p o i n t . W e s e e m t o b e m a k i n g v e r y l i t t l e p r o g r e s s t h r o u g h t h i s u n s a v o u r y j u n g l e , a n d I g e t t h e d i s t i n c t i m p r e s s i o n t h a t t i n y c a r n i v o r e s o f a n u n f r i e n d l y n a t u r e a r e s c a l i n g m y l e f t l e g . I t h e r e f o r e p r o p o s e t h a t w e r e t u r n t o t h e b e a c h . A l l t h o s e i n f a v o u r — a h — f a v o u r ? E x c e l l e n t — c a r r i e d u n a n i m o u s l y . O f f y o u go , d e a r o l d t r e a d e r o f t h e w a y , t a k e u s t o t h e b e a c h . "

T h e T w i g w o r m l o o k e d c o n f u s e d .

" W h i c h w a y i s t h a t , p l e a s e ? " h e a s k e d .

" O h r e a l l y , " s a i d F e r o c i o u s s h a r p l y , " w i t h y o u i n t h e l e a d w e m u s t h a v e l e f t a t r a i l l i k e t h e M l e x t e n s i o n . " H e p e e r e d h o p e f u l l y a r o u n d . T h e y s e e m e d s u r r o u n d e d b y i m p e n e t r a b l e j u n g l e .

" E h ? " t h o u g h t F e r o c i o u s . T h e u n l i k e l y h a d o c c u r r e d a g a i n . O n a l l s i d e s r o s e u p a w a l l o f s o l i d g r e e n e r y ; l i k e K e w G a r d e n s w i t h s o u n d e f f ec ts . " O h , " s a i d F e r o c i o u s , " c a n a n y o n e r e m e m b e r w h i c h w a y t h e i o l l y o l d b e a c h l i e s , h a h a . " N o b o d y c o u l d . " U r n , " s a i d F e r o c i o u s . T h e y w e r e i n a q u a n d a r y . A d a r k , g r e e n , i m p e n e t r a b l e q u a n d a r y . " W e m u s t t h i n k , r a t i o n a l i s e , c o m e t o a d e c i s i o n , " s a i d F e r o c i o u s , s t a r i n g h o p e f u l l y i n t o t h e g r e e n m e n a c e a l l a r o u n d t h e m .

E v e n as h e s p o k e , P h o s p h o r o u s g a v e a c r y . A t h i n g r e e n t e n d r i l h a d e n c i r c l e d h i s l e g , a n d w a s p u l l i n g h i m off i n t o a b u s h .

" O o o o o o e r g h ! " h e s a i d . " G r a b h i r n , T w i g ! " s h o u t e d F e r o c i o u s . B u t

i t w a s t o o l a t e , i n s i d i o u s r o p e s h a d e n c i r c l e d t h e p r o t e s t i n g J o b r o t , a n d h e w a s f a s t d i s a p p e a r i n g i n t o t h e u n d e r g r o w t h . F e r o c i o u s a n d t h e T w i g w o r m l u n g e d a f t e r t h e i r c a p t u r e d f r i e n d , b u t a s t h e y m o v e d , w r i g g l i n g b o n e l e s s a r m s g r a s p e d a n d h e l d t h e m . E v e n t h e T w i g w o r m ' s h u g e s t r e n g t h w a s n o t e n o u g h t o b r e a k f r e e o f t h e a r b o r i a l g r a s p . D e e p i n t h e w r i t h i n g m a s s o f g r e e n e r y , a v a s t s a p - d r i p p i n g m o u t h s w u n g o p e n .

" E a t e n b y a r h o d o d e n d r o n , " t h o u g h t F e r o c i o u s , q u i t e c a l m l y , " w h a t a n e n d f o r t h e l a s t o f t h e D i n s . " T h e t r i o w e r e w i t h i n s e c o n d s o f a s h r u b b e r y d e a t h , w h e n a v o i c e r a n g o u t .

" D o w n b o y , l e a v e ! " T h e g r e e n e r y g r a s p r e l a x e d , a n d F e r o c i o u s a n d C o . w e r e a b l e t o s t a g g e r t o t h e i r f e e t a n d g r e e t t h e i r s a v i o u r .

H e h a d a l l t h e a p p e a r a n c e o f a s m a l l t r e e .

" W e l l , " t h o u g h t F e r o c i o u s , " i f y o u c a n be e a t e n b y a p l a n t , I s u p p o s e y o u c a n b e r e s c u e d b y o n e . "

" I d o a p o l o g i s e , " s a i d t h e t r e e , " F i d o d o e s t e n d t o b e a l i t t l e r o u g h , I h o p e h e h a s n ' t d a m a g e d y o u a t a l l . "

" N o , n o , t h a n k y o u , " s a i d F e r o c i o u s , " W e s e e m to b e a l l r i g h t , i t w a s l u c k y y o u c a m e a l o n g w h e n y o u d i d . "

" O h , " s a i d t h e t r e e , " F i d o w o u l d n ' t h a v e h u r t y o u , j u s t h e l d y o u u n t i l I a r r i v e d . " P h o s p h o r o u s d o u b t e d t h a t b u t s a i d n o t h i n g . " L e t m e i n t r o d u c e m y s e l f , " w e n t o n t h e t r e e , " I ' m G e o r g e D e c i d u o u s , t h e J u n g l e C o n t r o l l e r . H a n g o n a m i n u t e , a n d I ' l l c o m e o u t . " S o s a y i n g t h e t r u n k o f t h e t r e e w r i g g l e d a n d s u d d e n l y u n z i p p e d . F r o m i n s i d e s t e p p e d a d a p p e r l i t t l e m a n i n p i n s t r i p e d s u i t a n d b o w l e r h a t .

" T h a t ' s b e t t e r , " h e r e m a r k e d , " i t g e t s

v e r y s t u f f y i n t h e r e , b u t i t ' s t h e o n l y w a y I c a n m o v e t h r o u g h t h e j u n g l e w i t h o u t b e i n g e a t e n b y a p a s s i n g p r i v e t , o r s u c h l i k e . N o t a l l o u r f l o r a a r e a s f r i e n d l y a s F i d o h e r e , "

" Y o u s u r p r i s e m e , " s a i d F e r o c i o u s . " N o w , " w e n t o n G e o r g e , " w e m u s t g e t

y o u o u t o f h e r e ; y o u m u s t c o m e t o m y o u t p o s t a n d h a v e a c u p o f t e a . " T h e a d v e n * t u r e r s f e l t i n n o p o s i t i o n t o a r g u e , so t h e y f o l l o w e d G e o r g e , w h o h a d a s s u m e d h i s t r u n k a g a i n , i n t o t h e u n d e r g r o w t h .

" D o n ' t w o r r y , " s a i d G e o r g e a s t h e y t r u d g e d a l o n g , " w i t h F i d o c o m i n g t o o , n o t h i n g w i l l d a r e a t t a c k u s . " T h e y h a d n o t a c t u a l l y n o t i c e d F i d o c o m i n g t o o , b u t n o w t h a t t h e y l o o k e d , t h e y c o u l d see n o t r a c k b e h i n d t h e m , f o r a h u g e s e c t i o n o f t h e j u n g l e w a s s l o w l y m o v i n g i n t h e i r w a k e .

" V e r y r e a s s u r i n g , " s a i d F e r o c i o u s . A f t e r o n l y a f e w m i n u t e s p l o u g h i n g

t h r o u g h t h e j u n g l e , t h e y b r o k e o u t i n t o a c l e a r i n g . I n t h e m i d d l e s t o o d a t r e e . O r w a s i t a t r e e ? T h e f i r s t f o r t y f e e t w e r e c o v e r e d i n b a r k , a n d s p r o u t e d b r a n c h e s a t a p p r o p r i a t e i n t e r v a l s . A b o v e t h e f o r t y f o o t m a r k , h o w e v e r , t h e r e p e r c h e d a s u b u r b a n h o u s e c o m p l e t e w i t h l a c e c u r t a i n s a n d t e l e v i s i o n a e r i a l .

" V e r y p l e a s a n t , i s n ' t i t ? " s a i d G e o r g e . " W h e n I f i r s t c a m e h e r e , t h e y t r a n s p o r t e d m y h o u s e f r o m W i l l e s d e n , so t h a t I ' d f e e l a t h o m e . V e r y t h o u g h t f u l , d o n ' t y o u t h i n k ? "

" V e r y , " s a i d F e r o c i o u s .

. " L e t ' s g o i n , " s a i d G e o r g e , " a n d g e t t h e

k e t t l e o n . " T h e y a p p r o a c h e d t h e t o w e r ,

a n d G e o r g e p r o d u c e d a k e y f r o m h i s p o c k e t s

A s h e w a s f i d d l i n g w i t h t h e l o c k o n t h e

c u n n i n g l y h i d d e n d o o r a t t h e f o o t o f t h e

t o w e r , t h e c l e a r i n g s e e m e d to b e c o m e

s m a l l e r .

" O h , F i d o ! " s a i d G e o r g e , " S t a y , b o y ! g o b a c k , s i t ! " T h e g r e e n e r y f l o w e d b a c k , a n d s u b s i d e d i n a l o n g c o i l a r o u n d t h e t o w e r ;

" H e r e a l l y i s a m a r v e l l o u s w a t c h b u s h , y o u k n o w , " s a i d G e o r g e , o p e n i n g h i s f r o n t d o o r a n d l e a d i n g t h e t r i o i n s i d e .

T h e T w i g w o r m c o u l d o n l y j u s t s q u e e z e i n , b u t m a n a g e d i t s o m e h o w . F r o m t h e n o w g u e s t - f i l l e d e n t r a n c e h a l l t h e r e l e d a n a r r o w w i n d i n g s t a i r w a y , u p t h e m i d d l e o f t h e t o w e r . W i t h m u c h p u s h i n g a n d s h o v i n g t h e y m a n a g e d t o p e r s u a d e t h e T w i g w o r m u p t h e l o n g s t a i r c a s e , a n d o u t o n to t h e p l a t f o r m o n w h i c h G e o r g e ' s h o u s e r e s t e d . T h e v i e w o v e r t h e j u n g l e w a s m a g n i f i c e n t . A g r e a t h e a v i n g c a r p e t o f g r e e n e r y l a y b e f o r e t h e m . I t r o s e a n d f e l l l i k e s o m e s l e e p i n g s e r p e n t i n t h e t h r o e s o f a n i g h t m a r e . I n t h e d i s t a n c e t h e y c o u l d m a k e o u t t h e b e a c h w h i c h t h e y h a d l e f t s u c h a s h o r t t i m e b e f o r e . B e h i n d t h e m t h e j u n g l e s t r e t c h e d o u t a s f a r a s t h e y c o u l d see .

" S o m u c h f o r t h e w a l k t o t h e o t h e r s i d e o f t h e i s l a n d i d e a , " t h o u g h t F e r o c i o u s , w h a t a f o o l h e h a d b e e n . H i s o u t o f c h a r a c t e r s e l f - c r i t i c i s m w a s i n t e r r u p t e d b y G e o r g e ,

" D o c o m e i n , " s a i d t h e J u n g l e C o n t r o l l e r , " a n d w e ' l l see a b o u t t h a t c u p o f t e a , " T h a t d i d n o t s e e m s u c h a b a d i d e a , so i n t h e y w e n t .

G e o r g e ' s h o u s e w a s s m a l l a n d t i d y . T h e f r o n t r o o m i n t o w h i c h t h e y s q u e e z e d d i s p l a y e d a f r i n g e d s o f a , a n d p l a s t e r d u c k s i n f l i g h t o n t h e w a l l .

" M a k e y o u r s e l v e s a t h o m e , " s a i d t h e i r h o s t , a n d v a n i s h e d i n t o t h e k i t c h e n .

" V e r y c o s y , " s a i d F e r o c i o u s , c r u s h e d be-* t w e e n t h e T w i g w o r m a n d t h e w a l l . T h e p o o r T w i g w o r m w a s n o t d e s i g n e d f o r s m a l l s u b u r b a n d w e l l i n g s . H e t r i e d t o s i t v e r y s t i l l , so a s n o t t o b r e a k a n y t h i n g . P h o s p h o r o u s p e r c h e d o n a n u p r i g h t c h a i r i n t h e c o r n e r . T h e r e c a m e a c l a t t e r f r o m o u t s i d e .

" W h a t ' s t h a t ? " a s k e d P h o s p h o r o u s , " c a n y o u see , F e r o c i o u s ? " F r o m h i s T w i g w o r m d o m i n a t e d p o s i t i o n F e r o c i o u s c o u l d s e e n o t h i n g .

" I t ' s o n l y t h e w i n d , " h e s a i d h o p e f u l l y . It w a s n o t o n l y t h e w i n d . W i t h a c r a s h o f s p l i n t e r i n g p l y w o o d , G e o r g e ' s f r o n t d o o r b u r s t i n . T w o f i g u r e s c h a r g e d i n t o t h e r o o m .

" D o n n a n o b o d y m o v e ! " s a i d D i n o C o n f e t t i .

DOWNTOWN . . . . . . . is a learning experience, an event, rather than a conference. It's a

workshop for L o n d o n students who want to see for themselves what's going on

wi th — housing, play, redevelopment and planning, alternative education, trans

port, etc. — by meeting the people work ing in these areas; by going around L o n

don , ta lk ing and look ing .

W i t h the help of these people, we are devising an extensive list of workshop

activities. E a c h group w i l l take one of the areas, look at it in some depth, share

ideas and experiences of student community act ion i n L o n d o n — perhaps gene

rate ideas for future schemes in your own neighbourhood?

The workshops are on Hous ing , P lay , P lanning , Schools, Men ta l Hea l th ,

Transport , Welfare R ights , Immigrants and Dossers. T h e workshop starts on

Fr iday at 7 p.m. at Imper ia l College U n i o n . Registrat ion fee is just 75p. W h y

not go along and f ind out what it 's a l l about? O r r ing 580 0966 dur ing the week.

January 23rd, 1973 F E L I X

FEEIX FIHANCIA££Y

H o w t o l o s e m o n e y

w i t h o u t r e a l l y d y i n g T h i s week , FEL IX F I N A N C I A L L Y departs f r om its

norma l format . S i n c e the incept ion of the page last

t e r m , our f inanc ia l adv i s e r , D E R E K E. C U M M I N G S ,

insurance broker and i conoc l as t , has been a s k i n g

s o m e pert inent ques t i ons on behal f of s tudents w h o

are t h i n k i n g about the w o r l d b eyond their f inals , and

a l so m a k i n g s ome fa i r l y s t rong c o m m e n t s o n the

f inanc ia l s cene in genera l .

Nex t week , however , he reverts to h is o r i g ina l

ro le in Imperial C o l l e g e — t h a t of a Genera l S tud i e s

lecturer . O n W e d n e s d a y , J a n u a r y 3 0 , he w i l l be

g i v i n g the first o f four lec tures on f inanc ia l sub jec ts .

S o now, FEL IX is about to c ross - examine Derek

C u m m i n g s about that lecture , w h i c h i s to be ent i t l ed

" H o w to Lose M o n e y w i thou t Rea l l y D y i n g . " W e l l ,

the t i t le is in t r i gu ing , so let 's f ind out more .

F E L I X :

W h a t exac t l y is the t i t le of next w e e k ' s lecture

meant to mean?

C U M M I N G S :

It means th i s . Tha t un less you are care fu l about

w h a t k i n d of insurance po l i c y you buy , you s tand

to w a s t e a lot of money . If you examine the way

mos t insurance c o m p a n i e s operate, y ou w i l l see

that mos t of the po l i c i e s they se l l to peop le w i s h

ing to take out life a ssurance are e n d o w m e n t

po l i c i e s — the sort where y ou pay p r e m i u m s for

a f ixed number of years and c o l l e c t a lump s u m

at the e n d . If y ou d i e in the meant ime , the c o m

pany w i l l , of course , pay out. But if you l ive , you

w i l l f ind y ou are ac tua l l y l o s ing money on the

dea l .

F E L I X :

Y o u ' r e say ing that insurance c o m p a n i e s are con -

m e n , then?

C U M M I N G S :

I have s a i d th is before, and I'll say it aga in .

Insurance c o m p a n i e s m i s l e a d the p u b l i c into be

l i ev ing that endowment - t ype po l i c i e s are best

for the pub l i c , w h e n in fact they are mere ly best

for the insurance c o m p a n i e s . These po l i c i e s very

sk i l f u l l y entang le two factors c once rn ing insur

a n c e — t h e protec t ion factor and the sav ings fac

tor. W h e n it c o m e s to p rov i d ing for your

dependen t s in case of your dea th , insurance c o m

pan ies are very g ood . But if you l ive, and your

po l i c y b e comes an inves tment for later l i fe or

ret i rement , then e n d o w m e n t po l i c i e s are d i a

bo l i c a l l y uncompe t i t i v e .

F E L I X :

If th is is true, w h y have the insurance c ompan i e s

been so succ e s s fu l in m i s l e a d i n g the p u b l i c ?

C U M M I N G S :

B e c a u s e insurance is an emot i ona l bus iness .

Everyone needs insurance of s ome k i n d . But the

insurance c o m p a n i e s spend fortunes on promot

ing on ly those k inds of po l i c y w h i c h w i l l be most

pro f i tab le to themse l v es .

F E L I X :

Y o u say w e a l l need insurance of s ome k i n d ?

C U M M I N G S :

Y e s . If you o w n a motor car , the law ob l i ges you

to have i n su rance . If you marry or have other

dependents , i t 's a pretty unreasonab le m a n w h o

doesn ' t th ink to b u y insurance as pro tec t ion for

them in case of h is death . In both cases , i t ' s a

matter of f ind ing the best poss ib l e po l i c y to fit

the c i r c u m s t a n c e s . A n d e n d o w m e n t po l i c i e s are

not it.

F E L I X :

A l l r ight, but w h y do you say insurance c o m p a

n ies g ive the p u b l i c a bad deal on e n d o w m e n t

po l i c i e s as a f o rm of inves tment?

C U M M I N G S :

B e c a u s e the very best of the insurance c o m p a n i e s

take s ome th ing l ike fifteen years to d o u b l e your

money . But th is country is cur ren t l y t ak ing on ly

e ight to ten years to ha lve the p u r c h a s i n g power

of the p o u n d . O n that sca l e , the insurance c o m

panies are on the best end of the dea l by a very

long w a y .

F E L I X :

H o w do you substant ia te that a r gumen t?

C U M M I N G S :

A n E c o n o m i s t survey da ted 18th J u l y 1 9 7 0 s h o w s

that the top s i x insurance c o m p a n i e s take about

fifteen years to pay back d o u b l e w h a t a po l i c y

ho lde r pays in p r e m i u m s on an e n d o w m e n t

po l i c y . M e a n w h i l e , a Cent ra l S ta t i s t i ca l Office

report da t ed M a r c h 1 9 7 2 states ca t e go r i c a l l y

that the pound is ha l v ing its real va lue in about

8 or 9 years .

F E L I X :

A r e you say ing that any insurance is a was t e of

t ime and a potent ia l was t e of m o n e y ?

C U M M I N G S :

Let me put it th is way . If y ou have no f inanc ia l

ob l i ga t i ons , forget a l l about insurance . O n the

other h a n d , i t is my f irm op in i on that y oung

peop le s h o u l d do a l l they can to save v igor

ous l y for s o m e ob ject ive , w h i c h may be a long

way short of re t i rement . B u y i n g a house , for

examp l e . A s for life a s surance , i t ' s fine a n d very

use fu l — prov i d ing there is a need for pro tec t i on .

F E L I X :

W e l l , y es , I suppose w e a l l agree in p r inc ip l e

that sav ing for the future is a g o o d th ing . W h a t

w o u l d y ou sugges t as the best f o rm it s h o u l d

take?

C U M M I N G S :

Put your money into a b u i l d i n g soc i e t y . It cos t s

on ly a coup l e of qu i d to open an account , a n d

you get interest on it. Fur thermore , it puts y ou , as

an investor , at the top of the l is t w h e n it c o m e s

to get t ing a m o r t g a g e — a n d that ' s s ome th ing you

w i l l be very l ike ly to wan t in the future. J u s t c o m

pare the two me thods of sav ing for a moment .

Insurance c o m p a n i e s take your va luab l e p o u n d s

today and your g radua l l y l ess va luab l e p o u n d s

over, say, the next fifteen years . A t the end of

the pe r i od , they ' l l maybe pay y ou back doub l e

the paper va lue — but in very m u c h deva lued

cur r ency . W i t h house purchase , you reverse the

process . Y o u bor row s o m e b o d y ' s va luab l e pounds

today and repay them w i t h deva lu ing money . A t

the same t ime , you ' r e buy ing a c o m m o d i t y w h i c h

is a l w a y s inc reas ing in real va lue . Fur thermore ,

that inc reas ing va lue is more than enough to off

set the interest you pay for your bo r r ow i ng .

There ' s no ques t i on about w h i c h is the best va lue .

F E L I X :

But wha t about the pro tec t i on fac tor in insur

ance? W h a t adv i c e w o u l d you g ive about that?

C U M M I N G S :

S p e n d as l i tt le as poss ib l e to ach i eve the m a x i

m u m poss ib l e cover . It can be done cheap ly . I

know it c an , and every insurance c o m p a n y in the

land knows it can . But there is a w o r l d of differ

e n c e — n o t to men t i on p r o f i t — b e t w e en k n o w i n g

about it and t e l l ing you about it. W h y s h o u l d they

te l l y o u ? They ' r e on to too good a th ing w i t h the

o ld e n d o w m e n t po l i c y . No , they w o n ' t te l l y ou

un less you press them very h a r d — a n d nei ther ,

for that matter w i l l mos t insurance brokers .

F E L I X :

But you are an insurance broker . A r en ' t y ou c on

d e m n i n g your o w n p ro f e ss i on?

C U M M I N G S :

Y e s , I a m . One cannot rea l ly quarre l w i t h the

insurance c o m p a n i e s if they s p e n d mos t of their

t ime put t ing f o rward the best poss ib l e p r opos i

t i on for themse l v es . But brokers are s u p p o s e d to

be unb i a s ed in put t ing the interests of their c l i en ts

first. But I a m a f ra id that is not often the case .

M o s t take the easy w a y out. It's in the ir interest

to se l l y ou the type of po l i c y the insurance c o m

panies want to s e l l , s i n ce the b roke r ' s c o m m i s -

s i on is a percentage of the p r e m i u m p a i d . The

more you pay, the more the broker gets.

F E L I X :

S o h o w do you just i fy your o w n p o s i t i o n ?

C U M M I N G S :

B e c a u s e I take a rather dif ferent v i e w of the job

I a m d o i n g . I th ink my c o m p a n y ' s long- term

interests are best s e r ved by g i v ing the best po s

s i b l e s e rv i ce and thereby ga in ing our c l i e n t s '

r espec t a n d trust . Ce r ta in l y , I c o u l d talk a c l i en t

into t ak ing out a p o l i c y w h i c h w o u l d br ing in a

fat c o m m i s s i o n , but that ou t l ook i s , in my v i ew ,

a shor t - s i ghted one. I ga in more by tak ing the

t roub le to th ink about a c l i e n t ' s real interests ,

both at the present and in the future. I w o u l d

hope, for examp le , that wha t I have s a i d here

w o u l d m a k e any s tudent s top and think for a

m o m e n t before he runs out and buys i n su rance .

B u t I th ink I have s a i d enough for the moment .

I have a w h o l e lot more to say at my Genera l

S t u d i e s lec ture next week and I sha l l be m o r e

than happy to a n s w e r any other ques t i ons at tha t

t i m e .

o b s e s s e d w i t h the n u m b e r of pages it ca r r i ed i n

1 9 7 2 , c l a i m i n g about 2 0 0 0 m o r e than the prev i ous

year . W e l l , that rea l ly c l i n c h e s it for me . W h a t a

great paper . M u s t just d a s h out a n d was t e 3 pence .

A n d in the f irst three days of 1 9 7 3 , it c o n t i n u e d ,

w e have a l r eady had 3 6 more pages than in t h e

c o r r e s p o n d i n g three days of 1 9 7 2 . G o s h , I thought .

Isn't that t r emendous . Bu t just as I w a s about to

hand over m y 3 p I r e m e m b e r e d that J a n u a r y 1s t

w a s a S u n d a y last year and the E v e n i n g papers

m e r c i f u l l y don ' t c o m e out on the Sabba th . . . G o d

s h a l l p r o v i d e sanc tuary f r o m the D e v i l .

It gets a bit m u c h , though , doesn ' t i t? — " t h e

s tory w e fo recas t last w e e k " . T h e " e x c l u s i v e "

w h i c h is in every paper . " F i r s t w i t h the n e w s " .

Never : " S o r r y about that s to ry yes te rday , c h a p s .

' F r a i d w e m a d e a b i t of a Henry of it , w h a t . "

T a k e the S t a n d a r d ' s s i s t e r paper , the m i n d l e s s

Express . Every f ew years in the pos t -war e ra they

s tage an event not un l i k e the O l y m p i c g ames . It i s

an in ternat iona l o c c a s i o n w h i c h takes p l a c e i n

dif ferent l o ca l i t i e s a r o u n d the w o r l d a n d the

E x p r e s s s e n d s out its in t rep id t e am o f reporters to

be first w i t h the spor t . It's c a l l e d the " W e ' v e f o u n d

M a r t i n B o r m a n n " game and a f ew w e e k s ago t h e

Express w a s p las t e red a l l over for seve ra l days

w i t h de ta i l s o f the latest f ind.

W h e n th is year ' s B o r m a n n turned out to be a n

A r g e n t i n i a n peasant the Express mut t e red not a

w o r d o f re t r ibut ion to its d e c l i n i n g r eade rsh ip J O f

c ou r s e the Express — L o n d o n e d i t i o n : " U n l u c k y

C h e l s e a we r e r o b b e d , " Nor the rn e d i t i o n : " L e e d s

fu l l v a lue for S t a m f o r d B r i d g e v i c t o r y " — is w e l l

k n o w n for g i v i n g the readers wha t it th inks they

want .

Ev i d en t l y they d i d n ' t wan t to f ind M a r t i n B o r

m a n n for the i r r eade rsh ip fe l l 1 0 , 0 0 0 more than

i ts average w e e k l y d e c l i n e d u r i n g the B o r m a n n

saga .

I 'm w a i t i n g for the " I W A S M U G G E D B Y

M A R T I N B O R M A N N " head l ine . Eve ryone ' s got to

be s o m e w h e r e , s a i d S p i k e M i l l i g a n .

M a r t i n Dough t y

THE SELF-

CONGRATULATORY

PRESS T h e E v e n i n g S t a n d a r d of J a n u a r y 4 th w a s not

u n l i k e any other E v e n i n g S t a n d a r d . The r e w a s a

head l i n e " P o l i c e B ra in -d ra in w o r r i e s Y a r d " , a

to ta l l y u n c o n n e c t e d W o r d - g a m e c l u e of " B u t t o c k s "

a n d the usua l bu l l sh i t s i n g i n g the pra i s es o f t h e

s t a n d a r d of the S t a n d a r d .

O n e day , in the i r ques t for se l f - super la t i ves a n u

s ta t i s t i ca l o n e - u p m a n s h i p over " T h e other L o n d o n

Even ing p a p e r " , " O u r c o m p e t i t o r " , the S t a n d a r a

a n d the N e w s m igh t w e l l revea l s o m e t h i n g of pass

ing interest but unt i l that t i m e w e ' l l have to be

sat i s f i ed w i t h " W e broke the s t r ipper s e x orgy

s c a n d a l 3 7 m inu t e s a n d 16 s e c o n d s be fore the other

L o n d o n Even ing p a p e r " .

Tha t c o p y o f the S t a n d a r d on J a n u a r y 4 th was


Letters Editor Jowitt

remains

HMJS Sir,

My letter "Sir, Up Yours"

did not attain the impact I

expected it to. The reason is

simple. I wrote four letters

to Felix, asked you if you

were printing them and you

said yes. I'm afraid I could

call you a liar, or at best

short sighted. I remind you

you that the four letters were

on one piece of paper, so I

think it hardly likely that you

lost one. The third and most

important letter ran thus:—

"Why are there 1000 cop

ies (out of a total 2000 print

ed) of the Christmas issue of

Felix still in the Felix office

in four bundles of 250 from

Baileys, the printers. Also

250 copies of each of

four other editions of last

term's Felix. Total cost to the

Union—£90."

I see from the line spacing

on the Letters Page, that you

weren't exactly tight for

space in the Letter column.

I therefore would like to

point out, if not to you then

to the rest of the, readership,

that my letter 'Sir, Up Yours'

appeared "slightly" out of

context.

For once, I admire your

magnanimity in listening to a

reader's views i.e.: "Jobrot".

I hope you will pay equal at

tention to readers who re

quest its continuation.

I remain, HMJS.

Paul Jowitt.

Fending for ourselves PJFD lovers S i r ,

In r e p l y t o M r . P a r k e r ' s

l e t t e r ( J a n . 1 6 ) w e i n t h e

s t u d e n t h o u s e s c l e a n o u r o w n

r o o m s , d e l i v e r m a i l , c o o k ,

w a s h a n d i r o n c l o t h e s . T h a t

i s , i f w e want to, w e can;

t h a t c h o i c e i s u n a v a i l a b l e t o

t h o s e i n h a l l .

I d o n o t k n o w M r . P a r k e r .

A s s u m i n g h e h a s n o b e a r d ,

d o e s h e s h a v e ? P o o r u n e m

p l o y e d b a r b e r s ! If he d r i v e s

h i s o w n c a r t o w o r k , w h a t

a b o u t p o o r c h a u f f e u r s , t a x i ,

b u s , t r a i n o r t u b e d r i v e r s h e ' s

p u t t i n g o u t o f w o r k ? P r e s u m

a b l y h i s w i f e c o o k s , c l e a n s ,

e t c . , f o r herself, d o e s s h e

h a v e / n e e d a m a i d ? H e s a y s

o n e m i l l i o n a r e o u t o f w o r k —

t h a t w a s J a n u a r y 1 9 7 2 , M r .

P a r k e r , n o t J a n u a r y 1 9 7 3 !

W h a t , m a y I a s k , is w r o n g

w i t h d o i n g f o r o n e s e l f t h o s e

t h i n g s w h i c h o n e is c a p a b l e

o f d o i n g ? I m a y n o t f i l l m y

o w n t e e t h , n o r r e m o v e m y

o w n a p p e n d i x , b u t I c a n c o o k ,

c l e a n , w a s h a n d i r o n !

B e i n g n e i t h e r B r i t i s h n o r

T o r y , it i s u n l i k e l y I w i l l e v e r

b e k n i g h t e d ; h o w e v e r , h i s r e

m a r k l e n d s i t s e l f r e a d i l y t o

t h e f o l l o w i n g i n t e r e s t i n g

s p e c u l a t i o n : i f T o r y s k n i g h t

f o r s e r v i c e t o t h e c o u n t r y ,

d o e s L a b o u r k n i g h t f o r s o m e

o t h e r r e a s o n ?

J a m e s H . F e n n e r ,

M e t e o r o l o g y P . G .

Sir,

I feel compelled to write

in support of Mr. Parker's let

ter. Just think of all those

unemployed. Perhaps if we

were all as public spirited

as Ron we would see the

solution staring us in the

face. All that is required is

for every student in the coun

try to have his own personal

cleaner, valet and gentle

man's gentleman. Mr. Brad

bury, how could you be so

thoughtless? I only feel a

little disappointed that the

Union decided not to have a

rent strike. With all that ex

tra money we could all em

ploy our own manservant (or

maid perhaps). Just think, all

the unemployed swallowed

up, at a stroke (whoops!).

I look forward in eager an

ticipation to Mr. Parker's

forthcoming announcement

that he will forego his next

few pay rises so that the col

lege can afford to employ

more cleaners. Congratula

tions in advance, Mr. Parker,

O.B.Es. have been won for

less than that.

Yours sincerely,

Kim Warren.

Dear Sir,

F a c t s , M r . J o w i t t . Y o u r l e t

ter w a s o r i g i n a l l y l e f t o u t

s i n c e I t h o u g h t i t l i k e l y t o

j e o p a r d i s e o u r p o s i t i o n w i t h

a d v e r t i s e r s , I a m n o w p u b l i s h

i n g t h i s s e c o n d l e t t e r a t t h e

r e q u e s t o f I C U P u b l i c a t i o n s

B o a r d . N o w , t o r e p l y t o t h e

o r i g i n a l l e t t e r : 1, n o t o n l y

w e r e m o r e c o p i e s t h a n r e

q u i r e d o f F E L I X C h r i s t m a s

i s s u e d e l i v e r e d , t h e d e m a n d

w a s s o s l a c k — p r e s u m a b l y

d u e to the s t a r t o f t h e v a c a

t i o n - w a r d s r u s h — t h a t w e r e

m o r e i s s u e s t o h a v e b e e n

d i s t r i b u t e d , t h e y w o u l d h a v e

s u r e l y g o n e to w a s t e . 2 , C o p

i e s o f F e l i x h a v e t o b e h e l d

b a c k f o r a d v e r t i s e r s , m a i l i n g

c o p i e s , e t c . I a g r e e t h a t t o o

m a n y o f c e r t a i n i s s u e s h a v e

n o t b e e n d i s t r i b u t e d . I h a v e

r e c t i f i e d the s i t u a t i o n . 3 , I

h a v e p a i d g r e a t a t t e n t i o n t o

t h o s e r e q u e s t i n g " J o b r o t ' s "

c o n t i n u a t i o n . S o m a n y p e o p l e

h a v e a s k e d m e to c o n t i n u e

i t , e i t h e r v e r b a l l y o r b y l e t

t e r , t h a t I h a v e d e c i d e d t o

d o s o — b u t n o w , i n s t e a d o f

a f u r t h e r 4 i n s t a l m e n t s , t h e r e

w i l l be 7 o r 8 s h o r t e r o n e s .

T h e l a t e s t a p p e a r s o n p a g e

2 .

It was with great distress

that I heard of the proposed

termination of that well loved

serial "Phosphorous the Job-

rot and Ferocious Din". I

have followed the serial av

idly and consider that it must

go down in literary history as

being a classic. Its style is

reminiscent of the great Sing

halese writer Abalan Mats-

ridaxxiovy. As we all know

he founded the great Bombay

School of Literature. Other

eminent authors belonging to

this worthy group included

Richard F. Hungstein whose

"Malayan Mysteries" was

widely read at the turn of the

century and is now as a set

book in Eire, and Luigi Lun

ettes, who coined the phrase

Monty Python, and Herbert

Westcott Dabbe, who died

tragically at the tender age of

three when struck on the

head by a passing porcelain,

early neolithic lavatory cis

tern. Pondering over the per

plexities preoccupying the

petty and puerile puny and

pathetic past president of

that Priceless Princely Public

body Guilds I became quite

paranoic, Paul, Piss off

please.

Much more serious how

ever is the effect the loss of

this article would have on

my dear friend Frederick

(alais Mary) Ponsoby Smy-

the. I need not tell you who

he is, but when "Men Only"

was seized he suffered acute

wthdrawal symptoms which

he only recovered from when

he took up making minestrone

soup out of the collected

remnants of the article cop

ies of the recipe were pub

lished in the 1918 edition

T h e L a n d s n a p p e r S n e e z e

of "Boys own World" fifth

edition.

Anyway must scrub the

ceiling.

Yours,

R. LI. Lolley

G&GVP

Sir,

We view with deep con

cern your published propos

als regarding the discontinu

ation of Phosphorous the

Jobrot and Ferocious Din.

We feel that the deep and

lasting psychological effects

of this decision on the great

er part of the student populus

cannot be ignored. We there

fore take this opportunity to

point out the folly of this

action requesting that you re

appraise the situation and

publish the remaining four

episodes.

Your failure to do so can

only result in a prolonged

suspense, culminating in the

eventual total breakdown and

decay of society as we know

it today.

Yours worried,

P. J. Jeans

C. J. Lewis

S. F. Moult

C. W. F. Lamont.

Space

wasting Sir, — / whole-heartedly

agree with the suggestion to

remove Phosphorous the

Jobrot and Ferocious Din

(PJFD) from Felix. I cannot

but feel however that this

will only highlight the lack

of material that the paper

has.

A few calculations reveal

this week, 159 sq. ins. or

one complete page of PJFD,

and in very small print "Ad

vertising Feature" followed

by 108 sq. ins. of Life Assur

ance — surely we have en

ough forms of Life Assur

ance stuffed down our

throats through letter racks,

etc., without Felix jumping

on the bandwagon? There is

another 62 sq. ins. of adver

tising, so altogether well

over a page of advertising. I

realise financially advertise

ments are necessary, but in

such profusion?

Landsnapper Sneeze

seems to have grown and

now takes up i page and

finally a 10 sq. ins. block on

the culture page announces

"Felix Culture" where surely

the 16 sq. in. of film review

if reduced to single spacing

could have gone?

In fact with a little re

arrangement and the removal

of the above we are left with

4 sides of Felix (of which 7

articles are double-spaced)

plus Felix Diary — the most

useful part of the paper.

Surely if Felix could be

produced with less pages it

would be more economical?

I expect that with the return

of Sports Page the paper will

again grow and all the bet

ter, but referring again to

this week, wouldn't we

rather have quality than

quantity of newsprint and

have a compact Felix rather

than one which appeared to

be trying hard to find make

shift articles?

Yours sincerely

CATHY GEE

T h e r e ' s m o r e t o

l i f e o n a K i b b u t z

t h a n p i c k i n g O r a n g e s .

J o i n this most chal lenging way of life. \

As a temporary work ing visitor; on an

" U l p a n " , the work/study scheme

devised for potential immigrants; as

a student or quali f ied person for a year

to cont inue your studies or get practical

experience of your chosen subject.

S .A .E. for details Kibbutz Representative

Office, FE. 1 King Street, London S. W.1 .

Tel : 0 1 - 9 3 0 5152 Ext. 333

"Students are not Workers" Sir,— Last week's Felix

editorial showed a complete

misunderstanding of the

three slogans quoted:

"Solidarity with the work

ers"

"Workers and students for

the struggle"

"Workers and students ag

ainst the state"

Marxists analyse society

by arguing that there are two

classes within capitalism

which have a direct relation

ship to the means of produc

tion workers (those people

who enter into a wage agree

ment with their employer on

their ability to do work) and

capitalists (employers who

buy the commodity the wor

ker sells, i.e. ability to

work). The rest of society

(including students) are not

directly related to the means

of production, so are neither

capitalists or workers. Stu

dents represent a transient

section of our society, most

of whom will tomorrow ob

tain or expect to obtain the

'plum' jobs in our society.

Marxists argue (which his

tory very much substanti

ates) that the motor of social

change is the balance of

class forces, i.e. the strength

of organised labour against

the owners of the means of

production.

The working class is the

only progressive class (the

other class — the capitalists

— cannot be, as no ruling

class in history has ever ad

vocated fundamental social

change within its society so

as to dispossess itself from

power). In a real sense

there is no third class for, in

the last analysis, the middle

class (that unorganised sec

tion of privileged workers

and small business men)

are confined in the other two

classes.

Hence the above slogans

crystallise these ideas with

students should side with

the most progressive class in

the class struggle and at

same time to combat the

machinery of the state (the

Army, police force, prisons

and places of coercion, etc.)

which, under the pretence of

working in the interests of

society at large, in the final

analysis defends the status

quo and upholds the old

order.

In the interests of brevity

I will refrain from com

menting on any other mis

conceptions in the article.

JOCK ME ALL

P.S. How are "well-educated

gentlemen like us" going to

obtain any substantial grant

increase by showing how

"reasonable" we are? Per

haps the Tories might make

exception to a section of

"well-behaved" students to

the wage freeze! Note the

success of those "well-

behaved fellows" in White

hall!


H e a t h c u t s l i v i n g

s t a n d a r d s " A t a s t r o k e "

by our po l i t i ca l corres

pondent V l a d i m i r Catrise

Mass ive cut backs in

l i v ing standards were an

nounced by M r . Heath i n

what he called a " f a i r

d ea l " . Comment ing on the

reasons behind these

measures he continued,

" O w i n g to the present

W o r l d crisis i n capital ism

we, as the executive of the

rul ing class, are forced to

lower the standard of l iv

ing of the work ing class in

order to lower the value

of labour and thus main

tain our prof i ts—whoops,

what a give away ! " N o

one can expect a rise of

more than £5 per week

over the next three years

i n the tota l ly new wage

negotiation structures pro

posed in the Government

White Paper issued last

Wednesday.

Ba rmy

However inessential

commodit ies such as food

w i l l have no restrictions

on price rises, l ikewise

anything from abroad,

anything subject to seas

ona l o r externally caused

price fluctuations or whose

price is fixed by interna

t ional agreement, or any

manufactured g o o d s

whose price rises are due

to "unavo idab l e " cost in

creases. Th i s leaves . . .

well if you can think of

any goods or services not

included in the above list,

send your answers on a

postcard please to E .

Heath, c/o St. G u m b y

home for those with incur

able speech defects, 10

Downing Street, etc.

Daft

" I ' m not as daft as you

think, ejaculated M r . A n

thony Barber , Chance l l o r

of the Exchequer , his fing

ers tightening on a copy

of the " N e w H u m a n i s t " ,

although 1 admit it has

taken over 2\ years since

we took office to th ink up

a suitable name for the

plan that would succeed

Phase 1."

Si l ly

In a typical altruistic

move, which we have

come to think of as the

hal l -mark of the Heath

administrat ion, the present

rent al lowance for lower

pa id workers wi l l be in

creased slightly so that in

three years t ime they

" w o u l d normal ly pay no

more than now" . " B u t

these are not normal

t imes," stressed M r . Bar

ber. " They are times of

great stress. As we have

made al l strikes and

threatening to strike i l leg

a l , and we're work ing on

a th inking about beginning

to start to maybe conceive

of threatening to strike

b i l l to be incorporated i n

to our conspiracy laws" .

Si l l ier

Lists of sycophantic ad

jectives have been rushed

to a l l the main newspaper

offices i n t ime for a cr i t i

ca l analysis of the govern

ment's every move over

the next few months.

Promises have been given

by the leaders of a l l major

trades unions to put up a

short-l ived indignat ion at

this latest attack on the

l iv ing standards of the

Working class. "St r i c t ly off

the record, o ld boy , " con

tinued M r . Barber , "1

simply have no idea how

much longer their grass

roots membership w i l l

a l low itself to be fobbed

off wi th this k ind of hog-

wash. "

Sill iest

In a statement on D i v i

dends, M r . Hea th said

" T h i s is the crux of our

moves, div idend increases

w i l l have a cei l ing twice

that of wage increases.

A n y profit over and above

the cei l ing, we shal l

p lough back into the firm

and so increase our share

values."

T a l k i n g about student

grant increases, he con

tinued, " N o t a chance,

they are no different f rom

workers. I said this is a

fair deal and we're going

to be fair ; we ' l l screw

everybody."

When questioned on

inflation, he replied, " O f

course these moves w i l l

cause inflation, hence they

wi l l lower the standard of

l iv ing of the work ing

class, and so lower the

value of labour and thus

we can mainta in our fa l l

ing profits, wh i ch is the

sole point of our moves.

No , the only way the

work ing class can stop us

now is to k i ck us out and

r e t u r n a government

pledged to socialist po l i

cies, but they're much too

stupid to do tha t ! "

Departmental meeting on the issues

affecting the U n i o n can be effective i n

strengthening our democracy.

The first one, on the grants cam

paign, Chemistry, proposed that I C or

ganise a mass write- in to the Dept. of

Educa t i on and Science and a demonstra

t ion on Wednesday, February 7th, so

that we can deliver them in large sacks

to the stuffed shirted c iv i l servants and

send in a deputation. The idea is firstly

to get mass involvement of students in

something that can be done on a college

basis, get some publ ic i ty for the grants

c la im and bui ld up a little more of the

pressure that w i l l be needed for victory.

If I C gets moving and does something

we can prove that we aren't just talkers

and compensate to some extent for the

way we let the other colleges down over

the rent strike.

O u r neighbours Queen El izabeth C o l

lege have decided to go on rent-strike as

well as organising refectory boycotts.

Refectory Boycotts

The last U G M mandated me to report

back about catering boycotts. The most

effective way appears to be to publicise

that there wi l l be one on a certain day

but keep the part icular ref. a secret unti l

just before opening. Then set up pickets

to persuade people to go elsewhere.

In this way the m a x i m u m impact is

made with m in imum hardship to our

selves.

A Vindication of Militancy

The statement by Prof. Gower , V ice -

Chancel lor of Southampton University

that the government is heading for a

major confrontation wi th students if it

does not concede our c la im quick ly and

recognising the justice of our c la im is

a result of the acute pressure being put

on the V ice -Chance l lor by the rent-

strikes and catering boycotts.

Th i s sort of statement can do us im

mense good in trying to w in over publ ic

opinion. In fact, the support the rent

strikes have won in this way refutes

completely the argument that rent-

strikes upset " p u b l i c op i n i on " , overall

the opposite has been the case.

In this situation it is sad that L o r d

Penney w i l l not commit himself pub

licly to our case. Informal chats along

the corridors of power w i l l not change

this governments pol icy. Mass ive ac

tions by students a l l over the country

plus support f rom as many sections of

the publ ic as possible, c an !

Drivel!

Final ly , one misconception spread by

the Fe l ix editorial last week should be

cleared up. N U S have every intention of

negotiating on higher grants — the delay

is f rom the D E S side. The part to be

played by the V C ' s is s imply a pressuris

ing one. We would in no sense al low

them to negotiate for us.

M r . Dowson knows this perfectly well

as M r . Dowson attends every N U S con

ference going.

The rest of the drivel i n his editorial

isn't worth commenting o n !

S t i r l i n g

P r e s i d e n t

S u s p e n d e d

L i n d a Q u i nn (pictured left), President

of St i r l ing University, was suspended by

the university last week.

A meeting of the university d isc ip l in

ary committee voted by a majority of

three to two to suspend Miss Q u i n n for

four months for her alleged part in the

demonstrations during the Queen's visit

last October.

She inlends to appeal against the sen

tence and c la ims there was a lack of

evidence. She told reporters that she was

being punished for organising the demon

strations, not for taking part in them.

C A N SEE THE

ORIGINAL

UN-CUT VERSION

OF THE MOST

T A L K E D - A B O U T

W R I T T E N - A B O U T

CONTROVERSIAL

ACCLAIMED

SENSATIONAL

FILM OF THE DECADE

• I a M J O T KWMtKKS

F r o m W a r n e r B r o s ® A W a r n e r C o m m u n i c a t i o n s C o m p a n y

R e l e a s e d by C o l u m b i a - W a r n e r D i s t r i b u t o r s L t d .

From S u n d a y J a n 21. at most A B C and other

lead ing c i n e m a s . South L o n d o n from J a n 28.

C o n t i n u e s at f i fautefe west end L e i c e s t e r S q .


F e l i x D i a r y T u e s d a y

1 3 0 0

1 3 1 5

1 3 3 0

T U E S D A Y , 2 3 r d J A N U A R Y

0 9 3 0 - 1 7 3 0 U N T I L 10 th F E B R U A R Y . E x h i b i t i o n of pa in t ings , c o l l a ges a n d

wa t e r co l ou r s by J o y c e C l i s s o l d , E l i zabe th S t ewar t - Jones and M u r i e l

Rose .

M a t h e m a t i c a l a n d P h y s i c a l Soc i e t y presents M r . D . N e y l a n d ( P r i n c i

pal S c i e n t i f i c Officer, Me t r opo l i t an Po l i c e Fo r ens i c Labora tory ) ,

speak ing on " T h e Ro le of F o r e n s i c S c i e n c e in M o t o r Car A c c i d e n t s . "

S T O I C T V presents " T h e M a g n i f i c e n t T w o " , s tar r ing M o r e c a m b e

and W i s e , J C R and S o u t h s i d e .

K C A F : P i ano Rec i t a l , S t r a v i n s k y ' s " R i t e s of S p r i n g " , Great H a l l ,

K i n g ' s Co l l e g e , 10p .

Dr . D . D . Raphae l " E q u a l i t y and F r e e d o m " — 2 : The e lephant a n d

soc i e ty . M E 2 2 0 .

" T h e Landscape and the E n v i r o n m e n t " , J . Bod f en Gru f f yd (Past

P r es iden t , Institute of L a n d s c a p e A r c h i t e c t s ) . P h y s . LT 1.

" L i s t e n i n g to con tempora ry m u s i c " — 2 : T h e beg inn ing of 2 0 t h -

century m u s i c , by M i s s Sarah T h o m a s . M E 3 4 2 .

R a i l w a y Soc i e t y : " T h e Ra i l w ays of T h a i l a n d " , by Dr . D . J . E w i n s .

M E 6 6 4 .

T ransc enden ta l M e d i t a t i o n : Introductory ta lk. EE 6 0 6 .

" T h r o u g h the ga teway of A s i a " . Phot . S o c . Ag fa -Gevae r t l ec ture .

R S M 2 .28 .

" S o c i a l i s m and Z i o n i s m " , by S o l l y Kaye ( former C o m m u n i s t c o u n

c i l l o r for T o w e r H a m l e t s ) . B i o l o g y C o m m o n R o o m .

Exchange conce r t by s tuden ts of the Conse r va to i r e de M u s i q u e

Geneva . R C M Conce r t H a l l .

K C A F . " T r a d and B r a s s " . M e i s t e r S w i n g e r s and F u l w e l l B rass B a n d .

N e w Lecture Theat re , K i n g ' s , 1 5 p .

S h a r e d prayer ( R C ) . M o r e H ouse , 5 3 C r o m w e l l R o a d .

1 7 4 0

1 8 0 0

1 8 3 0

1 9 0 0

1 9 3 0

2 0 0 0

W e d n e s d a y

N C T ,

W E D N E S D A Y , 2 4 t h J A N U A R Y

1 3 0 0 Ex te rna l A f f a i r s C o m m i t t e e mee t ing , U n i o n Upper Lounge .

1 3 1 5 K C A F . F i l m , " G o d d a r d P o l a n s k i and the DIY Car t oon K i t '

K i n g ' s . l O p .

1 8 3 0 I s lamic Soc i e t y : M e e t i n g and d i s c u s s i o n . C B 0 0 2 .

1 9 0 0 A r t C l u b . R C A A n n e x (rear of H u x l e y B l d g . ) .

1 9 3 0 IC Fo lk C l u b presents S tan A r n o l d . U n i o n Lower Refectory .

2 0 0 0 H o l y G r o u n d Fo lk C l u b , Roya l Oak , 8 8 B i s h o p s B r i d g e R o a d , W 2 .

Dave O ' D o c h e r t y and S h a u n C a n n o n .

M a r i a A s s u m p t a . D i s c o . C o m m o n R o o m . 15p .

K C A F . Rena i s sanc e in concer t w i t h C i t y W a i t e s , 16 th and 17th

century m u s i c . Great H a l l , K i n g ' s . 3 0 p .

Thursday T H U R S D A Y , 2 5 t h J A N U A R Y

1 3 0 0 U N I O N M E E T I N G , G R E A T H A L L .

C a t h o l i c Soc i e t y B i b l e S t u d y G r o u p . Fa l 1 1 8 .

K C A F . P lay : " N e w Yea r ' s R e s o l u t i o n " . N L T . 10p .

" C h i n a in the M i d d l e A g e s " by D o m i n i c de Grunne . 2: The C h i n e s e

sense of f o rm in bronzework and pottery. M E 2 2 0 .

" P o e t s in A n g e r " , by Pa t r i c D i c k i n s o n . 3 : P o l i t i c s . Phys . L T 2 .

Lunch-hour concer t : P i ano rec i ta l by J o h n Henry . L ibrary , 5 3 P r i n c e ' s

Gate .

K C A F . Ta lk on A r t by A n d r e Ka lnar . C o u n c i l R o o m , K i n g ' s . Free .

J e w i s h S o c i e t y sherry party.

L ondon Reg i on Gran t s C a m p a i g n Day of A c t i o n co -o rd ina t i on meet

ing , U L U . F ree !

" T h e P r ime of M i s s J e a n B r o d i e " and " D i a r y of a C h a m b e r m a i d "

at S t . M a r k ' s and St . J o h n ' s Co l l e g e . Non -membe r s 20p .

Ar t C l u b : R C A A n n e x (beh ind Hux l e y ) .

1 3 1 5

1 3 3 0

1 7 0 0

1 8 0 0

1 9 0 0

1 9 3 0

F r i d a y

F R I D A Y , 2 6 t h J A N U A R Y

1 2 4 5

1 3 0 0

1 3 1 5

1 8 0 0

1 9 1 5

2 0 0 0

2 1 0 0

I s lamic Soc i e t y Congrega t i ona l prayers — J u n a . C B 0 0 2 .

S T O I C T V presents " E v e r - p o p u l a r M o n o c h r o m e S h o w " , J C R and

Sou ths i d e .

K C A F . C h a m b e r Rec i t a l , NLT , free.

S T O I C T V . Repeat of 1 3 0 0 t r a n s m i s s i o n .

" S t u d e n t s in S t rugg l e ' ' . C o m m u n i s t Party of Br i t a in (M-L) pub l i c

mee t ing at 1 5 5 For t ress R o a d , N W 5 .

F i l m S o c . " W R : M y s t e r i e s of the O r g a n i s m " and " T h e L ion in

W i n t e r " .

IC C h o i r concer t in the Great H a l l . M o z a r t ' s " R e q u i e m M a s s " and

Honegge r ' s " U n e Cantate de N o e l " . S tudents 4 0 p : t i cke ts f rom

the Secre tary , IC C ho i r , U n i o n — or on door .

P eop l e ' s D i s c o in U n i o n Lower Re fec tory . l O p .

Che l s ea Co l l e g e D i s c o , Co l l e g e H o u s e Re fectory , 10p.

" F l e s h " and D i s c o . D a n c e at St . M . and St . J . Co l l e g e

K C A F A r t s F i l m s : " E l e c t r a " and " T h e N u n and the D e v i l " . NLT ,

15p .

Un i ve r s i t y Co l l e g e Hosp i t a l Dance . (48 Hunt l y Street , W C 1 ) . 3 0 p .

S a t u r d a y

S A T U R D A Y , 2 7 t h J A N U A R Y

2 0 0 0 Brett M a r v i n and The Thunde rbo l t s . Great H a l l . 5 0 p .

Ho ! -Par ty , Ho lbe in House , 62 Eve l yn Ga rdens . M e n 2 0 p , w o m e n

'IOp. Cheap Bar . D i s c o and l ights , etc.

S u n d a y

1 8 0 0 F o l k M a s s ( R C ) . M o r e House .

1 9 0 0 " B u l l i t t " and " T a k e the M o n e y and R u n "

lege, 1 0 p .

1 9 3 0 C a t h o l i c So c i e t y : " P o p u l a t i o n E x p l o s i o n -

A r t h u r M c C o r m a c k , M o r e H o u s e .

2 0 0 0 Q E C Bar D i s c o . 10p .

M a i n H a l l , Che l s ea C o l -

- A C h r i s t i a n C o n c e r n " ,

M o n d a y

M O N D A Y , 2 9 t h J A N U A R Y

1 7 3 0 IC U n i o n C o u n c i l M e e t i n g , U n i o n Even ing R o o m .

1 9 3 0 W e l l s o c . " S p e c i a l V i s u a l E f f e c t s " , by J a c k K ine ( B B C V i s u a l Ef fects

Depar tment ) .

2 0 0 0 C h u c k Berry , Great H a l l . £1.20 in a d v a n c e .

F o l k n ight at M a r i a A s s u m p t a . 15p .

K E E P F E L I X D I A R Y U P - T O - D A T E . I N F O R M A T I O N M U S T

B E S E N T T O E D I T O R B Y S A T U R D A Y F O R F O L L O W I N G

T U E S D A Y ' S I S S U E .

C l j e & C £ > P r o a b a f j e e t

/ 4 . (3j>^>o*r*

It seems that a large proport ion of

R .C .S . enthusiasts and guildstwats are

unaware of the active r ivalry that took

place, more or less continuously,

throughout last term, between the unions

of these two constituent colleges. So i n

the Broadsheet op in ion co lumn, this

time folks, I thought I 'd relate the saga

of friendly (?) r iva lry actively portrayed

by the dubious antics of factions f r om

R .C .S . and guilds.

We l l , i t a l l started one afternoon when

a herd of guildstwats attired for some

outdoor sporting activity or other

stormed into the R . C . S . U . office, made

various mumblings and groanings (not

entirely diss imi lar to a herd of Gumbies

reading out the telephone directory —

well attempting -to pronounce the first

word in the directory), and then wan

dered off again. Shortly after their de

parture a keen-eyed member of the

R.C .S . exec, noted the union office sign

that used to prop up the corner of the

office was mising. A t once a deadening

hush fell upon the assembled mult i tude

when the devastating horror of it came

home — I T H A D J U S T ( B E E N

N I C K E D !

Revenge was cal led for, and a couple

of days later the R .C .S . Revenge Squad

M k . I returned the compl iment of a n

inter-collegiate union office visit and

not being able to f ind our office sign

(the cowardly guildstwats not having

dared to store it in their office i n M e

chanical Engineering), they returned

wi th a large " L o n d o n W a x Works

M u s e u m " notice board that had been

fi lched dur ing the f i lming of " O u t

Damned S p o t ! " (see a past Broadsheet

for review of events) i n Pr ince Consort

Road . Pretty this notice was not, how

ever it was some form of t rophy now

and so lay gathering dust i n our office

for some weeks unti l a second large

squad of guildstwats repossessed it on

the night of the R .C .S . Smoking Concert,

there not being many people i n the

office at the time as just about everyone

of course was at the Concert. ( And a

splendid event it was too).

Once again revenge was cal led for and

so the R .C .S . Revenge Squad M k . II, i n

the f o rm of a solitary masked figure

gained access to the guilds office and

still not being able to f ind our office

sign decided to relieve guilds of a co l

lection of half a dozen flashy ye l low

plastic shields. F i ve of these then

adorned our hal lowed shrine for some

time dur ing wh ich we were pa id cur ious

visits f rom ind iv idua l guilds personages

who were st i l l trying to work out how

they had lost the shields.

N o w one quiet lunchtime our hard

working dupl icat ing officer was br inging

vast quantities of paper into the office

a l l on 'is tod. Th is paper having been

ordered for us by a M r . O. Dowson was

a l l the wrong colour, but be that as i t

may, some observant guildgumbies saw

their opportunity, and despite the brave

efforts of our gallant reproducing

chappie, managed to retrieve their

shields.

Y u p ! Y o u guessed it , R .C .S . Revenge

Squad M k . II, i n the late hours one

night got into the guilds office and found

it even more smelly than usual. A c t i n g

on a hunch they began a search for the

inebriated body of tar iq (guilds vice-

pres.) but soon found the

source of the obnoxious stench

to be the puny col lection of

rott ing M o r p h y D a y fruit guilds had

stored in one corner. O u r lads be ing

in a benevolent mood decided to re

move this muck f rom guilds office and

left only a smal l amount behind. N o w

it seems guilds d idn ' t want this either

since it was found the fol lowing morn ing

in a heap i n front of our office door.

Threats were also issued that i f their

fruit was not returned the R.S .C . office

would (in the usual elegant and sophisti

cated style so often associated w i th

guilds "be done over by our

lads l i k e " . N o w since a

carniva l committee meeting was

due to be held at 1.00 this was a n i n

teresting state of affairs. The meeting

was held elsewhere at the last minute

and those of you who wondered why

a crowd of gum hie impersonators were

staggering about Southside on M o r p h y

Day , swaying their arms and groaning

"there's nobody there!" now know the

ful l story.

M o r e developments, if and when they

happen, i n future Broadsheet/Felix

columns folks. See you in a couple of

weeks. R O N A P P L E B Y

(Broadsheet Ed i to r ) .

S U N D A Y , 2 8 t h J A N U A R Y

1 0 0 0 H o l y C o m m u n i o n (C . of E. ) . A n t e R o o m , C B .

1 1 0 0 M a s s ( R C ) . M o r e House , 53 C r o m w e l l Road .

F E L I X N o . 3 2 5 : T u e s d a y , J a n u a r y 2 3 . 1 9 7 3 . E d i t e d b y O l i v e r D o w s o n , w i t h g r a t e

f u l l y r e c e i v e d c o n t r i b u t i o n s o f w o r d s , p i c t u r e s a n d t i m e f r o m R o n A p p l e b y ,

M a r t i n B l a c k , A l a s d h a i r C a m p b e l l , R o b C a r t e r , D e r e k C u m m i n g s , M a r t i n D o u g h t y ,

J i m F e n n e r , D a v e G r i b b l e , D a v i d H o b m a n , J o h n H o r s f a l l , G r a h a m K i n g , J o h n

L a n e , G o r d o n R e e c e a n d S t e v e n S w a i l e s ( i n a l p h a b e t i c o r d e r ) .

F e l i x i s p r i n t e d b y F . B a i l e y a n d S o n L t d . , D u r s l e y , G L 1 1 4 E L .

A d v e r t i s i n g i s b y U n i v e r s i t y P r e s s R e p r e s e n t a t i o n , G r a n d B u i l d i n g s , T r a f a l g a r

S q u a r e , W C 2 .

F e l i x l i v e s o n t h e t h i r d f l o o r o f t h e U n i o n B u i l d i n g , a d d r e s s : I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e

U n i o n , L o n d o n S W 7 2 B B , t e l e p h o n e 0 1 - 5 8 9 5 1 1 1 e x t 2 2 2 9 ( P O ) , 2 8 8 1 ( I n t e r n a l ) .

T h e E d i t o r l i v e s i n W e e k s H a l l , R o o m 1 4 . t e l . 0 1 - 5 8 9 9 6 0 8 ( P O ) , 4 2 3 S ( i n t e r n a l ) .

C o n t r i b u t i o n s a n d h e l p f o r F e l i x a r e a l w a y s w e l c o m e .

P u b l i s h e d b y t h e E d i t o r f o r a n d o n b e h a l f o f t h e I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e U n i o n

P u b l i c a t i o n s B o a r d .

A l l r i g h t s r e s e r v e d . © 1 9 7 3 .

F e l i x i s a f o u n d e r m e m b e r o f t h e L o n d o n S t u d e n t P r e s s A s s o c i a t i o n .


" S O N G A N D D A N C E M A N — t h e art

of B o b D y l a n "

by M i c h a e l G r a y

(Har t -Dav is M a c G i b b o n , £2.50)

M i c h a e l G r a y is twenty-five, he is not

a f o lk music fanatic, nor a hippy, and

says he is neither A m e r i c a n nor a pro

fessional academic. Thus he stands a

fa i r chance of having written something

interesting. I l ike B o b D y l a n — o n rec

ord, but even so this book makes a brave

attempt to put some real thoughts into

those magica l ly cand id photographs on

L . P . covers. It tries to show where those

mag ica l words f rom "Ton igh t I ' l l be

staying here w i th y o u " come f r o m —

" T h r o w my ticket out the window,

T h r o w my suitcase out there too,

T h r o w my troubles out the door,

I don't need them any more,

'Cause tonight I ' l l be staying here

w i th y o u . "

M r . G r a y tries very successfully to

show where this magnificent performer

gets his energy, his dynamism and,

above a l l , his poetry from. T think he

manages to hold the reader's attention

by carefully interposing snatches of

song between his statements, by cal l ing

on the comments of others and by

chart ing Dy lan 's evolution f r om his very

beginning to the mass media product he

has become. The book shows the inf lu

ence people l ike Ho l l y , Presley, R i tch ie

Valens and most important of a l l the

atmosphere of Nashv i l l e had on Bob

D y l a n .

It is sometimes quite easy to lose the

lyr ics i n a song sung by D y l a n , but when

they are before you on the page there

is no mistaking the s impl ic i ty and

beauty.

" A l l the tired heroes" is an excellent

example—a no voice D y l a n and an

ultra-simple lyr ic leaves us with a three-

line song:

' A l l the tired horse on the sun

H o w ' m I s'posed to get any r iding

done?

M m — m m — m m — m m . . .'

The book is really finished off wi th

fu l l details of a l l Dy lan ' s wo rk and a

complete catalogue of his a l b u m s —

including bootleg ones.

D A V I D H O B M A N

C L O C K W O R K O R A N G E

" B r i l l i a n t " , K u b r i c k at his best", " A

Maste rp iece " screamed a l l the critics

here and i n N e w Y o r k , hustl ing and

jostl ing each other foor superlatives, a l l ,

that is, except the f i l m cr i t ic of the

"V i l l a ge V o i c e " who w i th great per

ception and cr i t i ca l analysis drew our

attention to the only aspect of f i lm

mak ing in wh ich one can say K u b r i c k

is br i l l iant — K u b r i c k the technician.

In such a capacity K u b r i c k merits every

accolade so far accorded to h im , witness

the mind-b lowing sets and scenes in

" 2 0 0 1 " wh i ch he also directed. L ikewise

" C l o c k w o r k Orange " is a treat to the

eye, for K u b r i c k has the abi l i ty and

imaginat ion, coupled w i th capacity for

physical detai l , that makes the in f ra

structure of the futuristic f i lms he has

made a perfect extrapolat ion of present

day trends.

O n the surface " C l o c k w o r k Orange "

is the tale (based o n the book by A n

thony Burgess) of the leader of a bunch

of "super-skinheads" , set ten, maybe

twenty years i n the future, grotesque

i n their white trousers and shirts with

bloodied eyeballs sewn to the cuffs and

huge fibreglass jock-straps worn out

side their jeans, they indulge i n "u l t r a -

v io lence" w i th the passive, the weak and

the frightened. Speaking i n a slang de

veloped ma in ly f rom Russ ian words they

beat upon o ld dosser and a r i va l gang

" i ndu l g ing in a bit of the o ld in-outs" ,

before the leader played by M a l c o l m

M c D o w e l l (who was also in " I F " ) re

tires home for the evening of listening

to his beloved Beethoven.

O n e day, however, M c D o w e l l , l ook ing

for ultra-violence in a break- in of the

"ca t -women 's " house (an ageing leotar

ded cat-lover) hits her over the head

w i th an enormous plaster penis and k i l l s

her accidentally. Caught and sentenced

to prison, he becomes an angelic p r i

soner as the only way to get out, mean

while, the government is look ing for

volunteers for its new cure for cr iminals

and M c D o w e l l agrees to this treatment,

wh ich is based on the ax i om that too

much of a good thing starts to pa l l . H e

is forced to watch endless scenes of rape

and violence w i th background music of

Beethoven's 9th unt i l he is physical ly

nauseated by any thought of his pre

vious hobbies.

H e is then released and rejected f rom

his home, (his parents let his room and

can't throw the new lodger out just

'cos he comes back unexpectedly), he

roams the streets of L ondon , a tearful

figure of pathos, not understanding why

he is ostracised for commit t ing crimes

which, as far as his new personality

goes, were committed by another per

son.

H e ends up in the house of an author

he once cr ippled by k i ck ing his stomach

in while dancing to "S ing ing i n the

R a i n " . D u r i n g an orgy of "u l t ra-v io

lence" he is locked in a r oom wi th the

9th at fu l l vo lume and feeling nauseous

to the point of suicide he jumps f rom

the 2nd storey window and arrives in

hospital to be congratulated and spoon

fed by the prime-minister, obsequiously

grovell ing to the television cameras, on

the success of the cure and his return to

"no rma l i t y " .

It is i n the seemingly schizophrenic

combinat ion of opposites that this f i lm

has its ma in impact — t h e ultra-violence

and Beethoven, the nice young man and

the pathological case in our body, the

sickness and sadism of the scene of the

cr ippl ing of the author coupled w i th the

lighthearted humour of k i ck ing h i m in

time to singing "S ing ing in the R a i n "

which made almost a l l the audience

laugh.

N o , it is in dealing with people and

society that K u b r i c k is a non-starter;

i n " 2 0 0 1 " the characters were in a com

pletely changed environment and yet

their society was identical w i th the pre

sent one, he had made no predictions

and answered no questions, indeed not

even asked any, about the f o rm of soci

ety in 2001. A l though he has attempted

to show possible present trends in C lock

work Orange, i t is on a vague and

confused basis that he has done so,

and a l l the (albeit little) satire in B u r

gess' book has been lost.

One is left wi th a feeling of exploita

t ion, of lack of fulf i lment after this

f i lm , for it is a l l too obviously just

another money-winner of the giant f i lm

industry w i th its sex, violence, and hints

of seatalogical humour. But what ans

wer can one give to the man who, com

ing out of the c inema after seeing C lock

work Orange, whi le I was queueing to

go i n , said to me " M a n , i f you don't

appreciate that f i lm , you sure don't ap

preciate A r t " .

A L A S D H A I R C A M P B E L L .

The best reason for going to see Peter

Ust inov 's " T h e U n k n o w n Soldier and

his W i f e " (New L o n d o n Theatre) is to

see the theatre in which it resides, for

the New London Theatre is the first new

West E n d theatre for about thirty

years. It really is a very impressive

bui ld ing, with a fine curved audi tor ium,

a very adaptable stage (thanks to Sean

Kenny) , comfortable bars, an escalator,

a restaurant, car park, shop space and

counc i l flats a l l included.

Inevitably the first product ion in such

surroundings is slightly d i sappo int ing—

as were the first productions of the

Na t i ona l Theatre, the Shaw and the

Y o u n g V i c i n their time. Perhaps the

cause lies in the mutual nervousness of

the cast and the audience. The play is a

series of episodes in the history of war

fare, w i th s imi lar characters appearing

i n each episode—the two antagonists,

the U n k n o w n Soldier, his wife, the

A rchb i shop (Peter Ustinov complete,

init ia l ly , wi th U L U scarf), the soldiers,

O l d Uncle T o m Cobley and a l l . E a c h

time the U n k n o w n Soldier gets cal led

up, leaving his pregnant wife, and gets

k i l l ed in turn fighting for the Romans ,

the Crusaders, the Puritans, the French

aristocracy, and the Somme.

The problem wi th the play is that it

falls fatally between the stools of good

humour and pathos, for dialogue l ike

" I saw .you last at Colossus, didn't I ? "

"Yes , I think so " said wi th grave sever

ity fits badly wi th some of the superb

comedy created by, for instance, the

perennial Inventor who, with the A r c h

bishop, always comes through the con

flict on top. There is so much that is

good, that the flaws are dreadful ly

highlighted, and the actors p laying the

U n k n o w n Soldier and his Wi fe are seen

to be colourless and pa l l id beside the

other characters.

M u c h of the play is funny, and the

intended, and rather facile, dramat ic

points are trotted out wel l enough .—

the Church changing its posit ion as the

w ind blows, the paradox of the chivalry

between leaders against the cruelty of

the war itself, the changeless nature of

warfare with its unthinking soldiery.

These points emerge, but there is none

of the humorous strength of " O h ! What

a Love ly W a r " , nor the convict ing

savagery of Brecht or Brook ' s " U S " .

The play is just a rather pale image of

what it might have been.

In fact, it's just the sort of play to

open a new West E n d theatre. Come

back Peter Brook , l o a n L i t t l ewood,

Bertholt B r e c h t — a l l is forgiven.

B O B C A R T E R

Is land of the M i gh t y

L i k e L o n g Day 's Journey into N ight ;

this p lay is 3} hours long; however,

Is land of the M i gh t y is weak, seem

ingly incoherent, and deadly du l l .

The subject of much controversy,

what w i th the Ir ish authors (A lden

and D 'Arcy ) objecting to the set, pro

duct ion, music and a l l — I came away

wi th the view that, were I the author,

I 'd dissociate myself f rom the play,

too!

Set on an essentially bare stage, the

legend of K i n g A r t h u r is (supposedly)

given new dimensions. A r t h u r is an o ld ,

decrepit cripple left by Rome to fend

off invading Eng l i sh . H e has a rag-tag

pseudo-Roman legion, but spends more

t ime coping w i th w i ld , marauding Br i t

ish bands than fighting Eng l i sh . A great

deal of the play's t ime is, in fact, taken

up by Wi ldca t Worshippers; only at the

end does this make sense, and then only

little. M e r l i n , here a poet, spends his

t ime cavort ing wi th fel low sages; his end

is strange. But then, I consider the whole

play strange.

The three acts are of almost equal

70 minute length. A f t e r the first, I was

totally bewildered, sensing no direct ion

to the action. The second seemed u n

related to the previous; only i n the last

act is it tied, however loosely, together.

The act ion, or lack thereof, set a new

low water mark, in my op in ion, for

the R o y a l Shakespeare Company . They

tried gallantly, i n an excellent attempt

to br ing li fe into the corpse. They failed

appal l ingly.

A m o n g M s . D 'Arsy ' s many crit icisms

was the music. I found the unusual score

interesting and refreshing; it alone l iv

ened the dead play enough to keep me

f rom wa lk ing out of the o ld , co ld,

draughty A l d w y c h Theatre along w i th

a hundred or so others.

If you sympathize w i th the author's

fight, you w i l l want to boycott this p lay;

if you want to see a good play, you w i l l

want to miss this. In either case,

avoid it.


t h e s p o i l s p a g e

m o t o r s p o r t

O n the 28th January , the C i t y and Gui lds College

M o t o r C l u b w i l l be hold ing its first major event; a

Product ion C a r T r i a l . Th i s consists of a series of tests

o n A r m y L a n d , some invo lv ing c l imb ing as far as

possible up a steep dirt h i l l , whilst others involve short

t imed tests around plastic pylons. The accent with this

type of event is on fun, but there w i l l be serious

compet i t ion especially f rom members of other clubs.

A n y type of car is suitable for this sort of event:—

there are classes for most types of car. Y o u r ordinary

road car is a l l you need. Entry fee is £1 (to c lub

members). Spectators, are of course, very welcome.

The event w i l l be held at No rmandy H i l l , A s h , wh ich

is near Aldershot . F u l l details may be obtained f r om

J i m Briggs, c/o C i ty and Gui lds U n i o n Office. Dept.

M e c . E n g .

p r o m i n e n t

p a r k e r

A r o u n d the end of last term, you may remember,

there were some people wandering about on the moon:

at about the same time a s imi lar event took place

in R i c h m o n d Park when the Cross Country C l u b

descended upon it to ho ld their A n n u a l Handicap .

W i t h br i l l iant handicapping by R o b Parker, eight

runners f inished within a minute led, after making up

a quarter of a mile on Pad Donnel ly in the last two

miles, by Dave Payne in an Ac tua l T i m e of 31m. 57s.

O u r first three matches this term were also in R i c h

mond Park . In the first we took on Sandhurst and

Vets, and lost scoring 33 points to Sandhurst's 14 and

Vets ' 32. R o b Parker d id 28m. 35s. and Ka l i r ay 34m.

26s. Then we soundly beat L S E 54 to 90 (counting 8)

by f inishing the first two, R o b Parker and Joe Keat

ing together in 28m. 56s., and by pack ing in 10th—

14th. Last Wednesday, with a team robbed of its

strength by the injury to R o b Parker, we easily beat

a combined London Hosp i ta l -K ings team but lost

somewhat to the Met . Pol ice who had five in the first

six. A l l i s o n was 4th in 30m. 30s. and Dave Payne

(31m. 50s.), Steve Webb (31m. 54s.), Ne i l Boag (32m.

15s.) and P a d Donnel ly (36m. 40s.) a l l got personal

bests. F o r his services to handicapping, and to the

F l o u r Industry, R o b Parker was dubbed " 2 7 t h " and

given the honorary time of 44m. 55s.

Not iceable at these matches were three frozen scorers,

J i m Bathurst, H u g h Culverhouse and l a n Isherwood

and ceretain runners not so far mentioned: Pete John

son, R o b Madd i son , Andr ew Baxter, Stuart L i t t l ewood,

and of course(!) P a u l C la rke .

Th i s week's motto: a man without a smile shouldn't

keep a shop. Fo l low that V i c t o r !

r u g b y

Last Sunday 1C first 15

played Wasps at Sudbury.

In the face of a far more

experienced side with an

estimated 2 stone per man

weight advantage IC put

up a respectable game but

as expected Wasps won

through to the next round

of the Middlesex cup at a

final score of Wasps 25,

I.C. 3.

l a c r o s s e a t t o o t i n g

I C Y T O O T I N G

S C E N E O F I C T E N

G O A L T R I U M P H

F o r the first match of

the N e w Y e a r the intre

p id I .C. team ventured

into the uncharted wastes

of Too t ing C o m m o n to

commence battle against

the apparently strong

H i l l c ro f t Lacrosse team.

The insistence by t h e

referee o n the denuding of

Ian Gui l f o rd ' s knees

marred the start of the

game, but this was soon

forgotten as I.C., i n their

quest for the league title,

began to pressurise t h e

H i l l c ro f t defence. Straight

f r om the face-off the mid -

field powered i n . The de

termination of a l l i n the

team was evident, p a r t i a l -

Early of L i o n e l C la rke who

occasionally emerged with

the ba l l f r om almost i m

possible situations. The

attack ably drew out H i l l -

croft's defence leaving a

few gaps wh i ch W h i z z K i d

Spooner was always grate

ful to uti l ize and, sl ipping

past his opposite number,

blasted i n five goals i n

the first quarter.

H i l l c r o f t showed that

they were not to be easily

dismissed by replying w i th

two goals i n the first half.

Two goals by T o n y H a l -

lett, the first f rom an am

azing angle, and three

more f rom W h i z z K i d ,

(but the less said about

that the better or he won't

be able to get his helmet

on next week!) showed

that the game was a l l

I.C.'s. N o w Hi l l c ro f t resor

ted to bodi ly attack, lay

ing out Pete Drury by a

vic ious swipe at his ank

les. However, Pete w a s

soon hopping about, after

he had been deposited i n

a nearby icy pond for

some improvised treat

ment.

Throughout the game

the defence had been ex

ceptional wi th some good

tackl ing and tight mark

ing. Bob Strange way and

Sam Henry p lay ing as

wel l as ever. On l y nearer

the end when the defence

began to slacken d id the

opposit ion manage to

come back wi th two more

goals. The f ina l score :—

Imperial 10, H i l l c ro f t 4.

A l l this was managed

wi th two last minute 'vol

unteers', Pete M c D o n a l d

and G r a h a m C la rke who,

despite having not played

before, soon settled into

the game remarkably

well . Th i s shows that any

one wanting to take up a

good, fast game wi th a

successful team should

consider lacrosse (what a

subtle plug! ! ) .

Row Flares Over Room

Charges Social Clubs Committee is heading for a

major confrontation with college administra

tion over hire charge for rooms used for SCC

club's meetings.

The row flared when M r . V i c t o r Mooney , college

catering manager, asked for a £50 fee for the use of

the Senior C o m m o n R o o m , Southside, for a Chinese

New Y e a r Dinner , due to be held on February 9th.

M r . Mooney c laimed

that a condit ion of the use

of rooms was that no food

or d r ink cou ld be impor

ted into them, Gordon

Jackson, S C C Cha i rman ,

told a F E L I X reporter.

The Chinese Society wan

ted to br ing their own food

— M r . Mooney could not

in any case supply it, on

his own admission.

However, according to

M r . Jackson, no such con

dit ion appears on the

booking form, and there is

no mention of a levy for

" f louting a regulat ion"

S C C met urgently on

Thursday to discuss the

matter, and passed a

strongly - worded mot ion

opposing "the principle of

charging College societies

for College rooms" and

"seeking clar i f icat ion of

the role of the catering

manager i n obtaining

rooms, when no catering is

required f rom h i m " .

M r . Mooney has also

asked for a fee of £25

f rom the South-East A s i a

Society for a Ma lays ian

Cu l tu ra l Evening in the

SCR/Ante R o o m , Col lege

Block.

A report has been sub

mitted to Counc i l next

Monday , and heated dis

cussions are tak ing place.

In the meantime, S C C has

undertaken to pay the fees

if they are levied.

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