Gender Communication

Are men from Mars

and

Women from Venus?

You Just Don’t Understandby Deborah Tannen

Males Females

Guise of Oppositionone-upsmanship

Guise of Connectionone-down

Focus on Statusavoid failure

Focus on Involvementavoid isolation

Focus on Independence Focus on Intimacy

Logical - thinkers Emotional-feelers

Problem-Solvers Gift of understanding

Sex and Gender Differencesin

Personal Relationships

• Gray’s motivation is $$$$$$$• 18 million from book sales

• $35,000 per seminar

• Claims are grossly exaggerated• use of anecdotal information

• Polarizing men and women offensive• creates greater distance

Moving Beyond Stereotypes

• Stereotypes become standards of behavior

• Bi-polar contructs essentialize “male” “female” qualities

• Behavior - Attitude Discrepancy

• Result - little social or scientific payoff

Understanding sex/gender requires more than stereotypes

Putnam (1982)

• Stereotypes do 2 things:

• a way to predict male/female behavior

• way to establish a baseline for expectations

about others

• Makes life simple and easy to explain

Canary & Emmers-Sommer Claim:

• Stereotypes do not adequately/accurately represent men/women’s interactions in personal relationships

• traditional view is outdated which distorts interactions

• people sometimes rely on stereotypes as guidelines for interaction-attitude behavior discrepancy

Defining Terms

• Sex - biological

• Gender - psych, social, cultural

• Sex role identity - degree to which one’s self is linked to biological differences

• Gender role identity - degree to which one’s self concept connects to psych, social, cultural understanding for males and females

Fear/Emotionin Personal Relationships

• Men - withdraw in close relationships and avoid discussion about relational issues

• Women - express feelings with more confrontational / hostile affect.

• Both experience fear about relationships– identification w/ gender role relates to

expression of fear

Similarities in Emotion

• Both bristle at unfair treatment

• Both avoid verbal venting of sadness

• Happy men and women both experience

closer and more satisfaction in reltshps

• Temperment (personality types) indicate

differences - not sex

Love, Sex, Intimacy

• Men and Women 82% similar

• Males/females-don’t subscribe to conventional, traditional gender roles

• Dwell on experience of LOVE• romantic dependency, compatibility,communal love

• Traditional Couples• less inclined to express feelings of closeness

• discuss intimate details of relationship

Both communicate

intimacy

through touch

DisclosureDual career Partners

• Both disclose to achieve/decrease intimacy

• high levels of SD resulted in more

relational satisfaction

• Both reported NOT disclosing for fear of

presenting an unwanted image

Romantic Involvements

• Both similar in willingness to sacrifice goals for relationship

• Both engage in sex to establish relational intimacy

• Women more likely to engage in sex to achieve emotional intimacy

• Men more likely to engage in sex for casual physical involvement

Clark, 1990

• Males or females approached opposite sex and propositioned him/her with a request to go to subject’s apartment

• RESULT - men significantly more likely to comply with the request.

• Male “Green-light” - Female “Red-Light” Phenomenon

Are there more similarities than differences

between men and women?