Dating, Courtship and Engagement

THY2 – Christian Vision of Marriage and the Family

Asst. Prof. E.M. JamillaUST Institute of Religion

Dating

• Dating is a stage when one engages in different social activities in order to spend time getting to know if someone is a possible spouse in the future.

Dating:

• Dating is a time to get to know another person fully.

• Dating is an opportunity to develop social skills and friendships.

• Friendship is the best foundation for a true lasting relationship.

• Getting to know someone in courtship and dating should have limitations.

• Engaging in the sex act is not a guarantee of sexual compatibility.

• Sexual abstinence is purity of the whole body and not just a body part.

• Saying no to sex in dating is saying yes to real love.

• Know what you want to achieve out of dating.

• Courtship and Dating is a time to grow in character.

Catholic Understanding of

Dating

• Dating is joyful but not trivial.

• Dating is a practice but is not advantageous.

• Dating is “Full of Wonder” and not just “Wonderful.”

• Dating is not wrong but can be done wrong.

DATING DOS and DON’TS

DOS DON’TSDo date to get to know other people. Don’t date to impress. Let the other

person know the real you.

Do have fun and go places to enjoy life

and other people’s company.

Don’t go with risky company (alcoholics,

drug addicts and etc.) and to risky

places where your parents or guardians

would not approve your going to.

Do chat, talk, and spend some time

exclusively.

Don’t hang out in dark places, or very

private places such us bedrooms.

Remember intimacy is a very private

matter and it happens in private places.

Do spend more time around people who

bring out the best in your personality

and character.

Don’t waste your time with those who

bring out the worst in you.

Do date as an opportunity to get to know

and understand different types of people.

Don’t date to get material or social

benefits (e.g. to be given gifts, or

privileges to ride a sports car, or get into

social events).

DATING DOS and DON’TS

DOS DON’TSDo practice your social skills: respect,

punctuality, flexibility, and your

communication skills: honesty,

understanding and tact.

Don’t lead others on.

Do date someone whom you have common

friends and/or whose family you know.

Don’t date someone whose background or

identity you don’t know from a friend or

family. You’ll be more prone to “dating lies,”

or worse, endangering your life.

Do date in groups. As the saying goes, “the

more the merrier.”

Don’t always single-date. Single-dating is

talk-dating and not necessarily know-

dating.

Do date to enjoy, not just to talk, but to

experience fun activities together (e.g.

concerts, parties, outreach events, sports

etc.).

Don’t date to get involved intimately and

engage in physical activities with each

other.

Do date to grow as a person. Make dating

an opportunity to enjoy developing yourself

to make better decisions, especially in

challenging situations.

Don’t date to distract yourself, or miss out

on responsibilities (e.g. schoolwork, house

chores) or opportunities and activities to

grow

Courtship

• Courtship is the ability of a male to express romance or do romantic acts that will excite the female into liking the male.

• Courtship will not only involve dating this person, but an effort is made to limit dating to only that person.

• The prize in the courtship is the girl.

• It is a time where the two should be strongly evaluating the character and attitudes of the other person.

• It is a time to get to know one another's families because you not only marry the person, but their family as well.

Engagement

• When the courtship has been successful to the point where the man is ready to "pop the question," and she says "yes!” – then, it is the time to become Engaged.

• An engagement ring is appropriate, along with a public announcement of the intentions of the couple to be married in the future.

Some good reasons and value of an Engagement

period:

• It is a time to begin serious planning of their lives together.

• It is a final testing time before the couple is actually married.

• It is a time to more seriously learn to get along with each other.

• It is a time to see one another more as they really are.

• It is a time to get better acquainted with family and friends.

• It is important to realize that caution is necessary so as not to cause shame or regret.

• It is also a time, if one or both realize it is a mistake, it can be called off.

Marriage

• With our wedding vows and ceremony, our journey is not completed; it moves into another stage called marriage.

• This stage likely begins with the honeymoon—a brief period of privacy and intimacy as the couple are dramatically separated from their former ties.

• Couples are impressed with the important differences between being a spouse and being a parent.

• Time to learn what it is to be spouse before taking on the responsibilities of being parent as well.

• The passage into marriage is completed in this mutual exploration of our priorities about work, our styles of lovemaking and our methods for handling everyday decisions.

• Roles are multiplied as “parents” combines with “spouse.” Marriage, well begun and now maturing, turns to new challenges.

Thank you.