!!!!!!!

Copyright

by

John Gregory Bellina

2013

The Report Committee for John Gregory Bellina

Certifies that this is the approved version of the following report:

Shut Up and Simplify:

The Writing Process of Shut Up and Sing

APPROVED BY

SUPERVISING COMMITTEE

Supervisor: _________________________________ Richard Lewis

_________________________________

Stuart Kelban !

Shut Up and Simplify:

The Writing Process of Shut Up and Sing

by

John Gregory Bellina

Report

Presented to the Faculty of the Graduate School

of the University of Texas at Austin

in Partial Fulfillment

of the Requirements

for the Degree of

Master of Fine Arts

The University of Texas at Austin

August 2013 !

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Abstract

Shut Up and Simplify:

The Writing Process of Shut Up and Sing

by

John Gregory Bellina, MFA

The University of Texas at Austin, 2013

SUPERVISOR: Richard Lewis

This report documents the initial inspiration, development, and rewrites that went into the creation of John Gregory Bellina’s screenplay Shut Up and Sing. Furthermore, the following pages trace the evolution of the author’s writing during the entirety of his program experience.

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Table of Contents

Chapter 1: Getting Real!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..!!!.!..!1

Chapter 2: Merging the Surreal with Reality!!!!!!!!!!!!!.!......4

Chapter 3: Protagonist’s Progression/The Heart of the Story!!!!!!!!..9

Chapter 4: Who’s Bad?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!......................15

Chapter 5: Simply Sidekicks!!!!!!!!!!!!....................................23

Chapter 6: Payoffs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.....................................26

Chapter 7: From Green to Burnt Orange!!!!!!!!!!!!!..!!....29

Appendix A: Initial Outline!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.............................33

Appendix B: Short Outline!!!!!!!!!!..!!!!!!!!!.!!!53

Appendix C: The Pitch Version!!!!!!!!.!!..!!!!!!!....!...62

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Chapter 1: Getting Real

During the Summer of 2012, I had the opportunity to serve as a production

assistant on the second season of Fox’s singing competition show The X-Factor

at the Frank Erwin Center in Austin. From reality to shows to major blockbusters,

I had been a production assistant before on sets in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, but

this was by far the most interesting gig I’d ever gotten. These types of shows

need around fifty production assistants to run smoothly, and each P.A. is

designated a specific task; from escorting “talent” from a holding room to stage,

signing people in – even simply making sure people knew where the restrooms

are located. With all the excitement of checking a list to see what role I’d landed

in the school play, I was bewildered to find my name on the call sheet in its own

separate block from the rest of P.A.’s with the vague title “sound” next to it. I soon

discovered that I was in fact in charge of playing the audition tracks for each

contestant that week. My job was essentially to watch a monitor, read the look on

judge Simon Cowell’s face when he was ready for the contestant to sing, and

then hit the track. I was excited. I felt like I was part of the show.

I’ve never really watched these singing competition shows, though my

parents are avid watchers of not only American Idol, but The Voice, as well as

The X-Factor. Sitting backstage and witnessing contestants pour their hearts out

was mesmerizing to me. I would laugh out loud whenever Simon would harass a

contestant as though I was sitting at home on the couch with popcorn. Then, of

course, I’d quickly look around to make sure that no one saw me enjoying myself.

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(Happiness on set is frowned upon.) I began to understand why millions of

Americans found such programming fascinating. I had a list of every upcoming

contestant featuring a headshot and a bit of info. I noticed an “x” next to some of

the contestants’ names, and was curious as to what this might mean. I soon

discovered exactly what it meant. The first contestant with an “x” next to their

name came on stage and threw glitter from his pockets. The second, had to be

carried off of stage for being so overweight and out-of-shape. The third was a

bald man in his late forties who sang an original pop song piece called “Candy

Girl.” I noticed a pattern here. How had these people even been cleared to

perform? Clearly, they weren’t singers. Something was awry. Then, I had my

epiphany. I was duped like the rest of America. I thought these people were real,

that they weren’t planted on the show. The first seed of inspiration was planted.

The second seed came from my own participation in the contest’s

process. These contestants take the stage shaky and nervous to say the least.

This arena is packed with nearly fifty-thousand spectators. Twenty feet away at

the judges’ table, Britney Spears is watching them with an aloof, frightening face.

With so much pressure, I came to realize the importance of my role as essentially

the “DJ.” Each second counts. A contestant takes the stage, tells a little about

themselves, sometimes mentions what they’d do with the five-million dollar cash

prize, and then Simon will ask them what song they’re singing. This is the tricky

part – I had a CD with a handful of tracks from each contestant. Often, the

contestant would change their mind at the last second and decide to go with a

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different song. I was forced to react on the fly and get the song going with the

least amount of awkward silence possible. Sometimes, I’d hit play, and the track

itself would have five seconds of silence at the opening. Those moments had me

reflecting. Each one of those seconds feels like an hour for a contestant. One

little thing could go wrong and shatter their nerves to pieces before they even

sing their first note. Typically, my experience on set was running errands –

coffee, copies, and such. I’d never held such power before. Even if I hadn’t really

screwed up, a really loony contestant could blame me regardless, needing to

point the finger at someone for their humiliating failure. They could spite me and

curse my name for the rest of their lives. As I sat backstage, watching rejected

contestants leave the stage heartbroken, hugging their families and weeping, I

realized that there was perhaps some realness to this reality business after all.

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Chapter 2: Merging the Surreal with Reality

After an interesting week of work, I got a T-shirt and I got an idea. I did like

I always did (and still do) when a script idea is premature and I’m excited about

it– I pitched it to friends before it was ready. I obsessed over the thought that one

of these contestants could be rejected and berated on national television and

really take it to heart. What if they were so upset, that they made it their sole

objective to humiliate the judges whose role for years had been to harass and

bash others? I’m not insinuating that The X-Factor was a cruel show, by any

means. After ten years of competition shows like this existing, contestants who

signed up were fully aware of what they were getting themselves into. But what if

there was a singing show so cruel, that it was notorious for its taunting and

mocking of purposefully handpicked zany contestants? And what if one of those

zany contestants decided to go Hans Gruber and take over the whole place?

So, I went to my thinking space: my bed. Ever since I was a kid I’ve had

the same method of escaping into stories and adventures. I’d watch an episode

of my favorite cartoon or show, and disappear into my room for hours. I had won

this lop-sided coca cola plush ball at a local fair in my small town. I’d take that

ball, lay on my bed and toss it up and down in the air. It’s as if the ball’s

movement spurred my brain into action – Wolverine would immediately be on

some mission that took place after the X-Men credits had rolled. I’m a firm

believer in keeping childhood close to your heart as a writer, and thus this

process followed me into adulthood. The ball, unfortunately, is now tattered and

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threadbare, but I’m happy to report that my ideas have expanded from Power

Rangers into more mature fare. Anyway, I lay in bed, thinking of ideas for this vile

reality show. It needed to be rude and reflect the cruelty of the show. Thus, I

came up with the title of the show: Shut Up and Sing.

During that same Summer, I spent a bit of time in my hometown. I grew up

in a small, three-stoplight town with less than seven thousand people in southern

Louisiana. Nostalgia had been plaguing me for years by this point, but those trips

home always have a knack for sending me on a mostly unhealthy trip down

memory lane. Prom pictures are still framed in my old bedroom featuring me and

the longest girlfriend I’ve ever had. That first love; the one before I turned jaded

and pessimistic, always thinking about when a relationship is going to end before

it even begins. This trip home was especially strange. My friends were getting

engaged, settling down. I got a glimpse at what my life would have been like had

I stayed in my home state rather than making the terrifying leap to Austin for grad

school. Everyone seemed happy, having given into what was expected of them.

Louisiana always felt as though it were a place where everything: jobs, marriage,

kids, had a strict schedule. If it’s what your parents did, you do it, too. If it’s what

your parents believe, you believe it as well.

While lost in my own head, I never once reconsidered my career path. I

knew that there was nothing else I would rather do with my life, and was also fully

aware that the regret of not giving screenwriting my all would be more

detrimental than any other life choice I could possibly make. However, I did

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reconsider my relationship choices in life. All this wedding fever had me thinking:

Had I perhaps already passed up the opportunity to be with the right girl? I’d

officially journeyed into the second half of my twenties and began the dreadful

approach to my thirties, and this thought gave me quite a scare. Needless to say,

I’d gotten infected with my hometown virus, for a while believing that there was

no life outside of its lazily marked city limits. I began to think that if I had met “the

one” in my life, then it had probably already happened.

My ex-girlfriend was in Korea at the time, teaching abroad for two years. In

my desperation, I scrambled to find a way to communicate with her. For two

passionate nights staring at my phone’s screen, I laid out all the guilt I had for

leaving her years prior, at a time early in college when I thought I needed to try

seeing more women. Having done so, (not that many) I felt as though I were at a

place where I was ready to come back to what we had and settle down. A part of

me always felt as though we’d get back together. My ex was in a relationship at

the time, however, through my firm dedication to the cause, she considered

throwing everything away and giving us another shot. That’s when it hit me. Not

only a heavy sense of guilt but the epiphany that first loves are like a drug you

leave behind. For a few days my ex and I were on this high, remembering the

way it used to be and believing, at least for a moment, that we could fall right

back into the simplicity of it all. We were foolish, and luckily (for everyone

involved) we realized the error of our ways before going through with it. Thus, I

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wanted to capture such madness on the page. A protagonist, so in love with the

past, that he refuses to move forward and make progress in the present.

I read that Woody Allen keeps a drawer full of various notes and story

ideas. Imitating my idol, I too, wrote down any and all ideas for jokes and

characters. But the ones that stuck with me the most were these two stories of

love and loss: of people scorned and those seeking redemption or their moment

to shine. Typically, I merge ideas I have together to form a bigger picture, and

this concept proved no different. I wanted a protagonist who felt guilty for his

mistake years prior in coldly dumping his first love, and had one day to win her

back. I wanted an antagonist who was rejected by a cruel competition show for

years, and today was the day she decided to take her stand and take her fame

by force. Most importantly, I wanted a script that wasn’t low budget, that was not

only marketable, but pitch-able.

My first two screenplays were low budget, small town dramas that

explored deep coming of age issues with regards to the loss or potential loss of a

loved one. Not only did I want to take a break from melodramatic tones, but I also

wanted an idea that could be pitched in one sentence. I wanted a broad concept

screenplay for a change that was easily accessible. So, I decided I was writing

Pitch Perfect meets Die Hard: A singing competition hostage situation. I wanted

to capture this idea that everyone in the screenplay, from the protagonist to the

villain, desires to make it to Hollywood, but something is preventing him or her.

Thus, my working title was Hollywood Rejects. I soon came to feel that entitling a

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script in such a way essentially ensured that it would never make it far in

competitions. The title basically asks the reader to toss it aside into the “reject”

pile. Thus, I went with the name of the singing competition as the title of the

script, and Shut Up and Sing was born.

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Chapter 3: Protagonist’s Progression / The Heart of the Story

The outline for Shut Up and Sing was the most extensive one I’d written at

the time, and my sole purpose was to have incredible foresight and avoid

problems that would wind up on cut from the script or problematic down the road.

This is useful to a degree, but as this essay will come to reveal, nearly an

impossible mission to successfully accomplish in a satisfying manner. The name

“Lee” came from a distaste I acquired for multi-syllabic names which I had

foolishly written into my first two scripts. Lee became the short-named, dim-witted

hero of my story. In my drawer of Woody Allen ideas, (not Woody Allen quality, of

course) one of the potential character occupations I had listed was airport

bartender in a hometown. I thought it’d be interesting to have a character who’s

never left home, stuck in the same place, watching everyone leave on their

various trips and getaways. However, another lesson I learned from previous

screenwriting endeavors was to get to the crux of my story immediately and

really grab the reader’s attention. Thus, I opted to leave Lee’s occupation in the

background without actually showing it on the page. This is typically difficult for

me, especially when I’m fascinated by a concept. While I’m aware that

understanding Lee’s character as an airport bartender is helpful in bringing his

voice to the page, I have a hard time not including a fun scene involving Lee at

the airport to establish the story. I wanted this story to capture a moment, one

day, from beginning to end, and I wanted the reader to feel as though they’d lived

through the hours of adventure. Thus, I started right at the heart of the story, with

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Lee arriving at an arena in Atlanta Georgia on the morning that Shut Up and Sing

had come to town for auditions.

I have a habit of relying too heavily upon the “write what you know” style of

storytelling, especially when it comes to first drafts. I tend to use it as a crutch

when pressed for time, instead of taking longer to ruminate and really spin an

experience in a new and exciting way. Thus, Lee’s character began as a

Production Assistant. He was still an airport bartender, but he had landed the job

just for the sake of meeting his ex-girlfriend who works on the show: Charlotte.

That stretch for plausibility alone should have been enough of a red flag. And yet,

I persisted. This thread proved problematic for multiple reasons. First off, it

diminished the stakes in the first act. If Lee screws up, he gets fired, but so what?

He’s already made it into the building, so half the battle is already won. I tried to

make it work, having Lee designated to be in charge of contestants’ performance

music, thus he was trapped in one spot and unable to seek out Charlotte. But no

one wants to watch a guy stuck in one spot, especially when nothing visibly is

imprisoning him. I wanted Lee to be responsible for the music, so that, much like

my real-life fear, if he screwed up, he would be to blame for the wrath of the

rejected contestant whom he flustered. I was obsessed with this thought that Lee

was, in a roundabout way, the cause for the hostage situation that transpires --

an idea I still found appealing after multiple drafts.

When I got to the actual page-writing process, I saw the error of my ways,

and found a solution that tidied things up a bit. What if Lee wormed his way into

! $$!

being a contestant? Better yet, what if he wasn’t a contestant, and fakes it,

heightening the stakes and putting his plan in jeopardy if he winds up exposed? I

came to believe that a decent way to make Lee charming in the opening pages,

is to have him pour his lovesick heart out on stage, professing his love for

Charlotte and asking her to take him back while she watches with her coworkers

from the control room. But how would he directly affect Eileen, the rejected

contestant, and be construed as the cause of her full-scale vengeance? I decided

to have Lee on the outside of the building, no contestant credentials, just a

spectator trying to break his way in. He does so, chased by security guards, and

decides his only chance to reach out to Charlotte is to take the stage and sing his

heart out. But by doing so, he bumps the performance of Eileen, who goes on

after him only to botch her performance and find herself belittled by the cruel

judges. Thus, having been rejected from Hollywood, she goes with plan b: taking

over the show at gunpoint.

What’s a lovesick protagonist without his love interest? That’s where

Charlotte comes into play. I wanted her to be tough, motivated, and ambitious:

everything that Lee’s not. I originally had her storyline written that she and Lee

had broken up during their senior year of high school. Lee had left her because

he wanted to explore other options. She took her rejection and decided to put all

of her focus and energy into her career, attending UCLA and rising in the ranks

of the television industry. Meanwhile, Lee did just the opposite, staying in state in

Georgia, blowing off college, and longing for better, simpler times with Charlotte

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when he had it all figured out. Charlotte, a production manager on Shut Up and

Sing, returns to her hometown of Atlanta for one day only, putting a ticking clock

on Lee to make a move and win her back before she’s whisked away on tour with

the competition to another major city. Seeking to create another obstacle and

make Charlotte more difficult for Lee to woo, I borrowed from a typical romantic

comedy trope and decided that she would be in a relationship with the show’s

egotistical producer, Jonah. Charlotte, would therefore, have every reason to

reject Lee’s attempts to win her back. Not only did he break her heart and dump

her, but she’s in a committed relationship.

I came to learn that I overcompensated in trying to keep certain plot

details in the background. In the original outline, it’s never revealed why or how

Lee screwed up with Charlotte, just that they had broken up years prior. While

this certainly saved page space, I ultimately felt that the motivation driving the

story was too hidden and required the reader to have too much patience, a luxury

that isn’t often affordable for writers. So, imitating a recent comedy that I

thoroughly enjoyed: 21 Jump Street, I decided to kick off the script with the

break-up between Lee and Charlotte back in high-school. Additionally, through

feedback and workshop of my first draft, I discovered that the motivation for Lee

wanting to win Charlotte back wasn’t quite powerful enough. While I initially

thought that him dumping her and seeking redemption would play as an

interesting take on the romantic comedy, it’s hard to really emotionally invest in

his quest to right things. Furthermore, making the protagonist dump his ex

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because he wanted to explore other options doesn’t make him the most likable

guy (though I figured it left him room to change and grow by the end of the story).

It’s a tough tight-rope to walk to make your character lovable enough to get

behind, but terrible enough to require a big change or a lesson to learn. It took

some tweaking of Charlotte’s character quite a bit, but for my latest draft, I

discovered a solution that I believe makes Lee a loveable screw-up.

I rewrote Charlotte to be an aspiring singer with terrible stage fright. She’s

got a great voice, but no one knows it because she never worked up to nerve to

let it shine. So, the story begins at prom in 2008, where Lee comes up with a

harebrained scheme to show off his girlfriend Charlotte’s voice to his classmates

and help her take that first step and conquer her fear. With a microphone planted

in the showers that’ll allow the whole gym to hear her sing, Lee hopes to get her

to belt out a song. Unfortunately, things go awry when she starts making moves

on him and her foul-mouthed flirting and foreplay are heard by the whole student

congregation over the loudspeaker. Discovering this, Charlotte is humiliated

beyond belief, and never forgives Lee. Following the paradigm of 21 Jump Street

that builds toward an obvious climax set up in the first five minutes gave me a

clear, full-circle goal to work toward by the end of the story: Lee must redeem

himself through Charlotte’s singing at the climax. I decided to keep most of the

other elements regarding Charlotte’s character in place: she’s still tough, still

determined, and still climbed through the ranks of the television industry to be

production manager on Shut Up and Sing. The music is still in her deep down,

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and through the voice competition show, she’s part of the singing world.

However, she keeps a safe distance due to the traumatic experience brought

about by Lee.

Since, the break-up was a rough one and there’s a hostage situation to

deal with, I opted to lose one more obstacle regarding Lee’s quest for Charlotte’s

heart. I came to feel that Jonah, the cruel producer of the show serving as the

boyfriend of Charlotte made it seem as though she had to sleep her way to the

top of the totem pole, when really, I wanted her to simply have worked hard for

her status. Also, Jonah sort of disappeared into the background of my first

outline, never really proving to be a serious threat, and essentially avoiding

trouble at all costs. Lee immediately easily overcame him for the sheer fact that

he’s totally fine with leaving his girlfriend in a hostage situation. I knew this

needed some serious work. Thus, I flipped the genders and Jonah became Tess:

still mean and manipulative, but no longer a lover of Charlotte’s. Now, she sort of

serves as the dark version of what Charlotte could potentially become in her lust

for production power. So, with the protagonist and love interest in place, the

question became, who are the true villains of the story?

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Chapter 4: Who’s Bad?

My writing experiences have taught me that with any new and exciting

idea, comes a tangled web of problems to sort through along with it. Through

workshop, my mighty and noble professor Richard Lewis had the thought that

Tess, the producer of Shut Up and Sing should be happy when the hostage

situation takes place in the middle of her show. She could treat the fiasco as a

ratings gold mine, and want the show’s cameras to keep rolling inside the arena.

I absolutely loved this development, and it made Tess’s character have what I

thought was the necessary amount of depth without going overboard and

spending too much time with her. But in order to show her pulling the strings from

outside the arena, she required multiple cutaways in the script. This was useful in

helping the indoor scenes feel less claustrophobic, but the real problem was too

many bad guys crowding the storytelling and distracting from Lee’s quest.

The villains in the script that serve as true obstacles for Lee are

undoubtedly Eileen and Keith, harshly rejected contestants who take their

vengeance by taking over the show at gun point. Initially, I had conceived that

Eileen and Keith were separate contestants, strangers with only one thing they

shared in common: they were both rejected by the judges. Post-humiliation,

Eileen and Keith come up with a plan together to steal handguns from security

guards and take over the show. However, when I got to the actual script-writing

process, this plot took too long to develop while still juggling the storyline of Lee

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breaking into the arena and seeking out Charlotte. Therefore, I decided that

Eileen and Keith could be lovers. I hypothesized that Keith doesn’t even have to

be a contestant, he could just be angry that the love of his life got bashed so

viciously in public. Even cutting corners in this regard still didn’t save quite

enough page space and accelerate the first act events quickly enough for the

proper plot points to fall into place. Eileen and Keith coming up with the revenge

plot on the fly was a stretch, so I decided that the hostage situation would better

serve as a preconceived back up plan if Eileen were to be rejected by the judges.

To strengthen its plausibility, I mapped out Eileen’s backstory as a contestant

who has been repeatedly rejected on the show year after year. This final

rejection is the last straw, and she just can’t take it anymore.

I struggled for a while (through the entire first draft, in fact) with a proper

location to set the events that transpire in the story. I had somehow convinced

myself that smaller budget movies would appeal to readers more than going too

over-the-top. So, I had Eileen and Keith take over a room full of contestants and

crew rather than the entire arena. In a story where I was intimidated to juggle so

many characters, I wanted to narrow the setting down to a confined place with a

limited number of people. However, this tight setting only presented a number of

problems that unfortunately plagued by first draft of the script. This progression

regarding the setting in particular traces my evolution from first draft where, I

functioned as a timid, inexperienced action comedy writer, to embracing the

genre more a little more comfortably by the time of my revision. Placing the

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action in a confined space certainly limited the world of the story, but at the same

time it naturally gave the script a more claustrophobic feel, which led me to an

additional problem: interesting set pieces that kept the reader engaged. In order

to pull this off, I had Lee start off on the outside of the arena at the act one break,

and subsequently act two began with him breaking his way back inside. By the

midpoint, I had Lee captured along with the other hostages. In my first draft,

instead of keeping Lee in the room with nowhere to go, I had him leave the

hostage area not once, but twice. Not only did this stretch plausibility extremely

thin, but it also led to a bloated first draft with Lee spending too much time on

small missions during the course of act two.

Once Eileen and Keith take over the room, they essentially run the show,

having performances from the contestants and captives. Only, Shut Up and Sing,

the singing competition show, doesn’t take place in a tiny room, it takes place on

stage. The solution to the problem was staring me in the face, but first draft

deadlines and stubbornness led me to continue down a treacherous path. Thus,

by the time the revision process came around, I knew my first step: the story

must take place on stage, with an audience of spectators – Eileen and Keith

needed to take over the actual show. I made this adjustment, but was aware,

even in the first, smaller-scale draft, that managing a room full of hostages was

no easy task for two angry villains. Though they were absent in the first draft, I

decided that fellow crazed rejected contestants would aid Eileen and Keith, and

that Eileen would equip these menaces with weapons as well to assist with

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crowd control. This was especially necessary with an arena containing not only

contestant and crew hostages, but a packed audience trapped in their seats as

well. The setting, though now limited to one location, was immediately more

exciting and refreshing.

Borrowing from my X-Factor experience, I decided that Shut Up and Sing

needed one particularly cruel judge like Simon Cowell. This became Italian music

mogul producer and metrosexual Aldo Vega. However, Aldo serves as another

case where a character’s background information should perhaps remain off the

page. I had this notion that Aldo could be a villain who, by the end of the story,

redeems himself. I wanted him to be a bitter producer who’s resorted to reality

TV where he spends his time harassing contestants whereas long ago he

nurtured some of the most beloved artists of our generation. This gave Lee

another goal among many already present in the script: to help Aldo find his way

and get in touch with the good person deep down that he used to be. I still enjoy

this storyline, but by the time I got to the revision process, I decided that it

detracts from the overall central plot. First of all, in the rough draft of my script,

Aldo is the reason that Lee is forced to leave the hostage room for the second

time. As mentioned previously, that idea alone was already problematic, since

Lee has already left and returned to the room prior to this incident. This means

that Aldo, in the original draft, had escaped the building and was safe outside in

his trailer while the hostage situation took place in a room inside. I had trouble

making it plausible that Aldo would even be in the vicinity of this arena once he

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managed to make it out alive. Also, by having Eileen strongly desire a presence

with Aldo (which is the reason Lee is sent from the arena by Eileen: to capture

Aldo and bring him to her) it centralized him more as another villain in the

screenplay that ultimately proved unnecessary. So, in my revision, since the

hostage situation now takes place on the competition stage itself, Aldo is trapped

along with everyone else. His presence operates as more of a background

character with a few humorous scenes of humiliation retaliation from Eileen, but

he never really has his own thread or arc. One villain was removed from the

script, thus shifting the focus on Eileen, Keith, and Tess the cruel producer.

Now, that I had a clearer target on who my villains were in the script, I

needed to figure out the details of their motivation in order to have them operate

properly on the page. Originally, Eileen takes over so that she can get the show’s

five million dollar cash prize as well as a record contract. Halfway through my

rough draft, I merged the two into a five million dollar record contract. My thinking

was that Eileen would be foolish enough to actually believe that she’d get a

record contract after traumatizing a room full of people during an armed robbery.

While that idea in itself is amusing, it didn’t hold strong enough or warrant its

presence in the script simply for the sake of a punch line. Thus, the theme of my

essay comes to the forefront yet again: simplification. Eileen, in the present draft,

just merely wants to get her time in the spotlight. She takes over to be what she

thinks she already is: a star. Having been a contestant on Shut Up and Sing nine

consecutive years, she was never able to even finish a song, always cut off and

! %-!

kicked out before the last note. Thus, her only demand is fame for the night, and

to, at last, perform on her own terms.

I felt as though Tess’s character in the first draft worked well for the most

part. She was manipulative, and by helping ensure that the chaos inside the

arena kept going, she was a definite obstacle for Lee. Having taken a break from

this script and writing another feature for a while, it was difficult for me to come

back to this story. As is often the case, I had lost touch with the initial excitement

that drove me to get this narrative on the page as soon as possible. I believed

that in order to find the motivation to give Shut Up and Sing the draft it deserved,

I would need something new and exciting to work toward near the climax of my

script. While Shut Up and Sing was my first attempt at writing an action script, the

screenplay that followed it was my first attempt at including a story with various

twists and turns. I feel as though that writing experience strengthened my

storytelling ability, and allowed me to come back to Shut Up and Sing with a

fresh outlook and altered perspective. Thus, I decided that Tess would be an

even bigger mastermind in my new draft. Sure, she wants to keep the cameras

rolling inside, and definitely believes that the hostage crisis, if handled correctly,

could be a massive ratings victory. However, I wanted to take this to another

level. What if Tess had orchestrated the whole hostage situation from the get-go?

Everyone would be in on it: the contestants, the crew, the audience, even the

police; everyone but Lee. Truman Show is one of my favorite movies, and I broke

the structure of it in order to help me hide the ball regarding the fakeness of the

! %$!

whole affair. The idea itself stems back to my original real-life experience, seeing

little “x’s” next to contestants names on their information sheets. The producers

know exactly what kind of show they’re putting on. Tess is no different. However,

there’s a curveball that no one expected: Lee.

What started as a simple idea that Lee would screw up Eileen’s

performance, escalated exponentially by my latest draft. By making Eileen in on

the joke, it meant that Lee had to be a problem for her in a number of ways for

her to truly be an antagonist. Tess’s plan is to have a ratings boost for the show

after three years of lost interest from viewers. Thus, she organizes this huge

spectacle that she knows will get them mass amounts of attention. However,

Lee, hearing that Charlotte is in town, is persistent and steadfast in his quest to

do anything and everything to get inside the building, even though he’s not a

contestant or audience member. And because he’s not a contestant or part of the

audience, it means that he wasn’t in on the whole joke.

Tess sees the silver lining in Lee’s unwelcome arrival through his love

connection with Charlotte. To her, they serve as the perfect candidates for

heroes of her little story, the Jim and Pam of The Office that everyone will get

behind and root for. The media attention shifts from crazy Eileen’s takeover, to

lovebirds trapped in a cage. This doesn’t sit well with Eileen, which drives her to

start taking liberties with the plan Tess had originally laid out. But what happens

to the stakes once the story shifts to a ruse? No one’s really in danger if the guns

! %%!

are toys. Therefore, I decided that there was no better place for a twist, than right

on top of another twist. Eileen, scorned now, not by the judges, but by Tess, who

promised her a night where she might finally shine, came with a backup plan:

real guns for her and Keith. At the low point of the story, Eileen pulls the rug out

from under the mastermind Tess, by actually taking over the show. Initially, the

idea of a contestant taking over a reality show felt too disconnected from the

reality television world. Really, it felt like two movies mashed together. So, part of

the reason I decided to have Eileen fake taking over, then really take over, is

because I wanted to explore this idea that even when every step of a show is

planned out, how might the puppet-masters react to losing all sense of control?

These hostages and audience members all signed up to pretend to be scared

and get on TV. Well, thanks to a menacing Eileen and Keith, they stop

pretending and their screams get a little more real. What better place for an

escalation of tension than as a precursor to a climax?

! %&!

Chapter 5: Simply Sidekicks

Although it can certainly be argued that they serve no significant purpose

to the overall, bigger picture plot mechanics of the script, I write this chapter as a

testament to the most successful first draft portions that actually carried over into

my thesis script. I’ve come to notice that in every screenplay I’ve written, the

comedic supporting characters directly linked to my protagonists are always the

easiest and most fun to write. This certainly was no different for Martin, the

lovable, drugged-out goofball best friend of Lee. In fact, I enjoyed writing Martin

so much that he almost took over the story.

In my original outline/first draft, Martin not only had more page time in the

first act than Lee, but he was significantly more active in the pursuit of his goal.

His goal is to snap provocative photos of the shows pop-star celebrity judge:

Lyss Hartman and sell them off to the highest bidder. Originally, in outline form, I

had conceived Martin as Lee’s best friend. However, by the time I got to the

actual pages, I decided that since Lee and Charlotte already knew each other,

having another character in this circle might give off too much of a “small world”

feeling and play too far-fetched. I thought it might be interesting for Lee to come

away from this traumatic experience with a new best friend that he just met that

morning. However, I learned from my first draft that introducing an entirely new

character takes time and page space, and by the final draft, Martin returned to

being Lee’s best friend again. In fact, Martin came to retain most of his actions

from the outline to the final draft. His pursuit of Lyss Hartman was a solid enough

! %'!

thread on its own that structure changes never truly affected it. Throughout every

draft, Martin always cheated his way into the arena and, though he meant well,

he consistently served as a hindrance for Lee. The addition of a prologue where

Lee scars Charlotte for life in the gym showers left room for me to develop Martin

and Lee’s friendship as well. I decided that this moment would spur Martin’s

obsession with capturing provocative situations on film, and he would be

responsible for Charlotte’s embarrassment becoming an Internet hit. This leads

to Lee having a falling out with Martin, who sold his soul for Internet fame with no

regard for Lee’s love life. Thus, there’s a sort of train of redemption at work in the

script. Martin is sorry and wants his best friend Lee back while Lee is sorry and

wants his ex-girlfriend Charlotte back. And all of this stems from one fateful night

in high school.

I sought to make Martin really likable and fun, so that at the low point I

could have a moment that fakes his death, only to bring him back alive and well.

Lee later discovering that Martin had survived was also a cheap way for me to

spur Lee into forgiving Martin/becoming Martin’s friend. Supporting characters

such as Martin seem to come so naturally to me, that I often contemplate writing

a first draft of a script with my protagonist in disguise as the supporting character.

Then, through revision, I’d bring the sidekick to the forefront as the lead. I’ve

never been brave enough to test of this experiment yet.

A character I dreaded writing but turned out to be one of the most

enjoyable to create was police officer Blaylock, a man on the outside of the

! %(!

madness in the arena. Originally, I conceived Blaylock as a sort of Michael Jai

White kind of guy, tough, intimidating, confident. Also, he began as a police

captain in my first draft. Hostage negotiations have been depicted in various films

so many times, that I dreaded doing one of my own. How could I possibly spin it

creatively? Ultimately, I found that the answer was that I could not, and that the

one scene I had of Blaylock communicating with Eileen on the inside was

straightforward and derivative. Luckily, when the storyline shifted to a charade

created by the producers, it gave me a chance to alter the hostage negotiating as

well. I decided that I would make Blaylock Lee’s oddball kindred spirit on the

outside – instead of a police captain, he’d be a down and out deputy who no one

on the force believes is worth anything. This gave him room to prove himself by

the end of the script and become a hero along with Lee. Also, paralleling Lee

further, I decided that Blaylock, too, would be unaware of this whole sham taking

place, a clueless casualty. Therefore, Blaylock would show up trying to prove

himself, while the rest of the police would just want him to go home so that they

can get paid to sit around and look busy. No hostage negotiations were

necessary since the whole event is a guise. They were needed more in the script

when Eileen was actually demanding money. All she wants here is some airtime

to sing for all of America. Like Lee, Blaylock serves as an unwelcome addition to

the party who only complicates things for Tess. Blaylock notices that something

is amiss: his coworkers are too calm, the producers are too happy. Slowly, I

wanted Blaylock to unravel Tess’s plot on the outside and bring her to justice.

! %)!

Chapter 6: Payoffs

By writing a script for the first time that included so many characters, I

encountered a pretty significant problem: paying off every plotline in a satisfying

way. First off, I knew that I wanted Eileen and Keith to be arrested. Though, I still

feel that this is perhaps a cliché’, I was unsure how else to end their plot, and

knew without a doubt that I didn’t want them to die. I thought it’d perhaps be

interesting if Keith first laid eyes on Eileen while he was locked up in prison, and

that at the end of the story he was almost excited to be able to bring her to his

home turf. Keith is steadfast in his devotion to Eileen, and by the end of the story

love is in the air, and she finally shows him a little affection.

Martin was simple to wrap up as well. He seeks out Lyss Hartman to take

advantage of her for the media, but by the end of the story they find out that

they’re the perfect kind of crazy for each other, winding up together. I knew that

Blaylock’s story should end with him redeeming himself in a heroic fashion. Ever

since I was a kid, my favorite kind of action movies or superhero stories involved

multiple protagonists each facing off against a separate villain. I was excited to

finally have the chance to have my own showdown at the climax. I wrote it to

where Lee and Keith face off, Eileen and Charlotte go head to head, and

Blaylock takes down Tess.

These payoffs naturally seemed to work themselves out in the plot, but

there were some smaller threads I struggled to make work. I got carried away

with a plethora of outlandish contestants, some of whom needed to be cut for the

! %*!

final draft to save page space while also saving me the headache of wrapping up

their story nicely. I was happy with Charlotte’s backstory as a talented singer with

crippling stage fright. In my current draft, it still feels a little rushed and forced, but

Lee convinces Charlotte that the only way to distract Eileen and really beat her,

is by stealing the limelight away from her. So, Charlotte mirroring the opening

scene, sings her heart out and Eileen is, at last, defeated.

However, the biggest struggle of them all, as is in any romantic comedy, is

selling the idea that Lee has earned the heart of Charlotte. While coming up with

a strong motivation for Charlotte to hate Lee’s guts lends well to the difficulty of

Lee’s mission throughout the script, it makes it that much harder to sell that Lee

has truly succeeded obtaining his forgiveness. Originally, I had an epilogue that

showed Lee and Charlotte going on to make their own reality show together that

actually cultivated the talents of young singers. This ended up not only being

cheesy, but struck an odd chord since Lee and Charlotte seem suddenly so

friendly. From personal experience, I know that reuniting with an ex often comes

with its fair share of bickering, and I wanted Lee and Charlotte to butt heads

throughout the entire script while overcoming obstacles. By the end, I wanted

them to agree that maybe they could be friends. From personal experience, I

learned that ex-couples bicker because, like seeing any other friend you haven’t

seen in a while, people pick up right where they last left off. For ex-couples, that

means bickering and having sex. I can’t speak on behalf of women, but it’s

incredibly difficult for a guy not to picture his ex-girlfriend naked when he sees

! %+!

her for the first time in a while. So, I wanted to have a coda where Lee and

Charlotte, relieved that they’re alive, tear each other’s clothes off. I thought

Charlotte actually being given a record deal might play odd and too fantastical,

so I wanted the offer to be on the table but for her to put it aside for now. Will Lee

and Charlotte wind up together? Will Charlotte become a famous singer? Who

knows? For now, they just want to let out all of their stress and celebrate life by

making sweet, sweet love.

! %,!

Chapter 7: From Green to Burnt Orange

When I applied to grad school, I was at a strange time in my life. My

friends were getting the post-grad jobs in Louisiana that almost certainly

guaranteed that they’d be there for the rest of their life. Meanwhile, the film

industry that I so desperately wanted to be a part of happened to be booming in

my resident town of Baton Rouge. I took multiple jobs as a production assistant

in Baton Rouge, and part of my experience was picking up Los Angeles crew

members from the airport and welcoming them to the other, much more humid

“LA.” When I mentioned my envy of where they lived, every single one of them

with no exception said that I’d be crazy to leave Louisiana when the industry is

booming so much. These words haunted and stuck with me. Having been a

creative writing major during my undergraduate career and having written a

whopping one screenplay, I was foolishly convinced that I could throw together a

screenplay anytime. But that year I worked as a production assistant, I wrote little

to nothing, with all my hours spent on set. The answer was simple. I knew I

wanted to write and exercise my creative muscles, and everything in Baton

Rouge was doing nothing to further my chances of telling stories. I genuinely look

back at getting the acceptance letter from the University of Texas as one of the

proudest moments in my life.

Since high school I had big dreams that I could never truly afford. I applied

to NYU and got accepted, but passed and stayed in-state for free tuition that

Louisiana offered through their TOPS program. The in-state tuition and

! &-!

scholarship offered for UT’s MFA made a world of difference, and I couldn’t

possibly be more grateful for the opportunity to take a huge leap in my life and

finally leave home. Though, I had learned basic screenplay structure as an

undergrad, I was stubborn in adhering to its firm rules. I was convinced that my

favorite writers and directors wouldn’t dare follow such a rigid structure. Boy, was

I completely wrong. Breaking down the scripts and films of my favorite artists

taught me that the best writers follow the rules without the audience even

knowing that they’re being manipulated by an age-old device in storytelling. I

learned this lesson midway through my first screenplay in the program, and spent

a revision on the draft trying to shape it into the three-act structure that would

render it readable.

With my second feature script, which happened to be Shut Up and Sing, I

overcompensated for my previous mistake, vowing that I’d write a Hollywood

movie. The first draft of that script emerged with all plot and no heart, and I knew

it needed serious work. By my final semester when I was writing my third feature,

I had come to acquire a multitude of skills, balancing storytelling from the heart

with a proper mixture of the necessary Hollywood structure. I am most proud of

that script, and it serves to exemplify my progress in UT’s program from a novice

to a more competent writer with much firmer a grasp of the medium.

Being a teacher’s assistant was a profound, invaluable experience. I was

faced with twelve versions of my former stubborn self, and I was forced to serve

as a living testament to the power of following structure/tried and true plot

! &$!

mechanics. I would tell them: “No, I was like you, too!” I’ve come to believe that

these rules exist for a multitude of reasons. Trained script readers are

programmed to look for proper act breaks and turning points. Even if the writing

is spectacular and the prose is captivating, if these elements are missing it could

prove fatal to a script’s progression from the reader’s desk to the producer’s

desk. Teaching was also immensely useful for the sheer purposes of always

keeping in mind the basics. I certainly could not correct my students mistakes if I,

too, was still guilty of the same flaws. Thus, in order to avoid hypocrisy, I was

constantly reminded to follow the rules both with regards to basic script structure

as well as storytelling.

Never would I have dreamt in a million years upon entering the program,

that I would fall in love with television writing, but now, having completed the

program, I not only love teleplay writing but wish to have a career in television.

Obviously, I owe all credit to the program’s curriculum. By the time I began

television class, I was a firm believer in structure and giving myself limitations to

live by, and television, essentially a shorter version of features, had the same

effect but in even tighter chapters. My love of television writing was emboldened

by my internship with local writer, director, showrunner Rob Thomas, a

remarkable opportunity I would have never been granted without the connections

provided by the university. I was able to witness the birth of a pilot idea, see it

through outline and multiple script drafts, and then witness negotiations with

studio and networks (USA, CW, WB, HBO) on how best to structure the script so

! &%!

that it might get picked up. Brainstorming ideas for overall plot mechanics as well

as pitching trims and story beats allowed for me to experience the feel of a real

writers room firsthand. Rob genuinely valued our opinions and ideas, and often

would utilize our suggestions in the script.

Being trained to be part of a team and collaborate on ideas excites me for

the chance of being able to one day be in a writers’ room here in Los Angeles.

Workshop and revision will never end for me, and I am grateful for having been

trained to keep these routines steady during the pursuit of my writing career. I’ve

met people and made connections that will always be a part of my life. People

say that a lot of this industry has to do with luck. Well, I feel as though being a

part of UT’s MFA screenwriting program with brilliant teachers and classmates

who inspired me to write better was beyond fortunate. I’m optimistic that such

luck will continue, and thanks to this life-changing experience I can say with

confidence that I look forward to utilizing the tools I’ve acquired to meet the

needs of any and all possible writing opportunities that might come my way.

! &&!

Appendix A: Initial Outline

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`QQ!a_9TT9aQ3!/LBB2!DB2D1/"J25!!!TBB!MJAG01"2D!1IJF/!/PB!X1M/!/P1/!/PBNY#B!IBB2!L1"/"2O!JF/D"HB!XJC!J#BC!12!PJFC!2JL5!R"2100N3!/PB!DPJL!CF22BC!b<:._!U&(V3!DPJLD!P"D!X1MB!12H!"AABH"1/B0N!X"CBD!B#BCNJ2B!D"//"2O!HJL25![9!2BBH!GBJG0B!LPJ!1CB!CB1HN!/J!LJCZ5]!QBMFC"/N!1/!/PB!HJJC!"D!"2/B2DB3!MPBMZ"2O!B#BCNJ2BYD!9;D!M0JDB0N5!TBB!"D!O"#B2!1!MCBL!DP"C/!/P1/YD!L1N!/JJ!/"2N5!!%5!9:85!9:;<<=!.=6:.!_.TTK.`!c!?<=:9:4!!!bJ21P!BDMJC/D!TBB!12H!/PB!J/PBC!DFC#"#"2O!MCBLABAIBCD!/PCJFOP!/PB!1CB21!XJC!12!F2B2/PFD"1D/"M!/JFC!"2#J0#"2O!GJG!EF"ddBD!/P1/!CBDF0/!"2!AJCB!/BCA"21/"J2D5!!!&5!9:85!Q8.46!.=6.!c!@<:89:e6;!!;FC"2O!/PB!/JFC3!TBB!DGJ/D!@_.=T<886!U%&V3!MF/B3!DPJC/!I0J2HB!P1"C3!AFMP!AJCB!GCJXBDD"J210!/P12!TBB3!BDMJC/"2O!MJ2/BD/12/D5!_B!IBO"2D!/J!XJ00JL!1X/BC!PBC!LPB2S!!bJ21P!D21GD!TBB!JF/!JX!"/!12H!P"/D!P"A!L"/P!1!GJG!EF"d!EFBD/"J2!/J!DBB!"X!PBYD!IBB2!0"D/B2"2O5!TBB!A121OBD!/J!DFC#"#B3!12DLBC"2O!/PB!EFBD/"J2!MJCCBM/0N5!bJ21P3!X0B^"2O!P"D!H"MZ!AFDM0BD3!B2HD!FG!A1Z"2O!TBB!D"2O!1!DJ2O!J2D/1OB!"2!XCJ2/!JX!B#BCNJ2B!12H!!TBB!OB/D!L1N!/JJ!"2/J!1!f1MZD/CBB/!fJND!W1A5!!!!!!

! &'!

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! &(!

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!,,-./01$23$45678$&98:0.-$

THE WORLD OF THE STORY

The majority of the story takes place in the Phillips Arena in Atlanta, Georgia where a worldwide phenomenon reality TV singing competition called Shut Up and Sing is in town for the weekend. Sleazy paparazzi are staked out for celeb sightings. A packed audience consisting of screaming tweens and bored parents is juxtaposed to delusional parents of contestants who swear their child is Beiber’s second coming. Looking to keep their TV ratings reign, this year the producers of the show reached out to the seediest surrounding small towns near Atlanta including Nelson, Georgia (the protagonist’s home town) hoping to lure the worst of the worst misguided fools looking for fame. Such small town lifestyle is in direct contrast with the celebrity judges of the show, who ride around in trailers the size of villas. In fact, the climax takes place in one of these trailers, involving the protagonist fighting a gunman over pool tables, waterbeds, and even through a Jacuzzi as the behemoth barrels through the city.

THE CHARACTERS

LEE (23) – the protagonist whose goal is to win back his ex-girlfriend. He broke up with her when he got to college because he wanted to explore dating other girls and take advantage of four years of opportunities. However, five years later, he’s a miserable airport bartender in Atlanta, right in the back yard of his deadbeat hometown of Nelson, Georgia believing that bad karma has ruined his life. When a singing competition that his ex works on called Shut Up and Sing comes to town for the weekend, he sneaks his way on as a contestant hoping to sing his way to her heart and atone for what he sees to have been a grievous error from his past. After all, Charlotte used to be the one who motivated and pushed Lee, and he needs that push now more than ever! CHARLOTTE (22) – the love interest of the protagonist. Unlike Lee, she’s come to terms with their breakup and the opportunities it granted her. Instead of her initial plan of following Lee to UGA, she instead left Georgia behind and attended college at USC, eventually rising in the ranks of television production to her current status of assistant director on Shut Up and Sing. Though, she still resents Lee for the abruptness of their breakup and his vague reasoning behind it, she treats that part of her life as a separate experience and a youthful mistake. She’s changed a lot since Lee’s last seen her, earning brownie points by having a

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direct hand in providing the show’s producers with the perfect place to find pathetic people who would make for TV gold: her old derelict hometown. She’s cold, calculated and is looking to do whatever it takes to keep climbing the ladder straight to the top. MARTIN (25) – an almost too friendly contestant who, like Lee, entered the competition with ulterior motives. He doesn’t intend to sing, but instead plans to snap provocative shots of pop star and judge of Shut Up and Sing, LYSS PHILLIPS, in the hopes of selling them off to the highest bidder. Though he means well, his antics only seem to get Lee into more trouble. EILEEN (28) – Scantily-clad, screeching contestant. This is her second year in a row of rejection, and she’s convinced that the judges invited her back just to humiliate her again. She decides to give them a heavy dose of the crazy they were looking for, formulating the plan with her boyfriend to take the competition by force. In her twisted mind, she’s convinced that she can land herself a record deal at gunpoint. KEITH (32) – A nitwit whipped boyfriend of Eileen who will do anything for his love. He’s desperate for the money and will do anything to get it. She wears the pants and often berates him for cowardice and weakness, so he’s really looking for a chance to show off his manliness and impress his sweetie pie. ALDO VEGA (48) – A music mogul who produced some of the best artists in the industry during the 80’s. Has become bitter in the twilight of his career, taking a job as a judge on a singing competition show, and also taking pleasure in crushing the dreams of contestants. He desperately seeks to stay relevant in Hollywood, and finds that his asshole image on TV is a simple shortcut to that goal. TESS (31) – Jerk producer of the show who also has a thing for Charlotte. (Charlottte often plays along, innocently flirting back with no intention of anything ever happening between them.) Tess will do anything to get the best possible television, and is fully aware that a hostage crisis episode, if properly promoted, would kick some serious ratings ass when the show airs. CAPTAIN BLAYLOCK (52) – noble APD captain called in to handle the hostage situation. Butts heads with Tess, who seems to want the drama inside the arena to continue. !

ACT I

Cameras equipped, a boisterous CROWD waits near rope-barricaded and security-guarded trailers set up outside the Phillips arena in Atlanta for a singing

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competition called Shut Up and Sing. SCREAMS erupt as the door of a HUGE, three story villa of a trailer opens. From inside emerges! LEE (23), jeans and a raggedy t-shirt ... far from famous. The crowd’s sigh of disappointment practically knocks Lee off his feet. A security guard shoves Lee back into a line of contestants. Lee smokes a joint with a contestant named MARTIN (24) who reveals to Lee that he entered himself in the competition, not intending to sing, but instead planning to snap provocative shots of pop star and judge of the show LYSS PHILLIPS (19) in the hopes of selling them off to the highest bidder. Martin opts for a port-o-potty instead of trying the trailer, and Lee convinces him that he shouldn’t risk dirtying his contestant credentials, offering to hold them for him. Martin agrees. With Martin’s credentials, Lee enters the arena as a contestant. Lee witnesses the show’s jerk of a producer TESS (31), humiliating and firing interns, making sure to steer clear of her wrath. Lee manages to find Charlotte and tells her that he had to see her before the tour took her to another city the next day. Charlotte is shocked to see Lee with a contestant badge since a) she knows he can’t carry a tune and b) the badge features a name other than his own. Charlotte threatens to let the producers know what he’s up to, hoping to get him kicked out a.s.a.p. Lee lies and says he came in place of a coworker who backed out, and begs her to let him sing. Charlotte only agrees so she can enjoy watching him make a fool of himself. Tess shows up demanding that Lee return to the holding room with the rest of the contestants. A bit of flirtation between Charlotte and Tess leaves Lee a little confused, but mostly jealous. Meanwhile, Martin finagles his way inside the building to try and put a stop to Lee’s treachery. He gets distracted when he spots Lyss Phillips approaching the bathroom with her bodyguards. Trying to recreate a photo of Jessica Simpson on the toilet eating a burrito that sold for 2 mil, Martin fails to get racy photos of Lyss Phillips in the bathroom and instead winds up with his phone drowned in the toilet. The competition kicks off and one of the judges, music mogul producer ALDO VEGA (48) takes pleasure in destroying the hopes and dreams of outlandish contestants. Judge #2 Lyss Phillips struggles to string together sentences. And the third judge RITA BURKE (63), soul singer legend, spends more time eating than she does giving contestants advice. Martin informs security that Lee is an imposter. Spotting the guards coming for him, Lee rushes to stage for his one shot, bumping the performance of another scantily-clad contestant EILEEN (28). Lee dedicates his performance to a love

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that he should have never let go, which earns him a resounding “awwwww” from the crowd. He then goes on to wail out a terrible rendition of “Kiss From a Rose” by Seal. Backstage, Tess informs the judges to let Lee the phony and his poor singing slide since the crowd seems to like his story, and he could make for good TV. Charlotte protests that he isn’t even really a contestant, but Tess doesn’t seem to care, believing that even if the love story wears thin his terrible voice will still prove entertaining in the next round and they can dump him then. Tess has no idea that the “love story” involves Charlotte, who certainly isn’t looking to bring any more attention to herself. Inciting Incident: Flustered from being bumped, Eileen follows Lee’s successful performance with a terrible one, spending more time breathing into the microphone trying to dance than actually singing. She winds up severely berated by Aldo onstage. Backstage, she takes her frustration out on her klutz annoyingly adoring boyfriend named KEITH (32), who tries his best to console her backstage, reminding her about their plan B. Eileen opens her enormous makeup bag, revealing two handguns concealed at its bottom! Lee watches from backstage as Martin, who is still able to perform since his name wasn’t used, takes the stage and is eventually escorted away by security guards when he “accidentally” knocks Lyss’s glass of water all over her chest and tries to snap a photo. Progressive Complications: Lee, Martin, and the audience/judges watch the huge screen behind the performance stage in horror as Eileen and Keith wield handguns and hold a room full of contestants and crew (including Charlotte) hostage demanding the show’s five million dollar prize and a record deal. The building is quickly evacuated. During the frenzy, Rita Burke has a heart attack and dies. CAPTAIN BLAYLOCK (52) arrives on the scene with a team of policemen. Act One Break: After realizing that Tess has no intentions of helping the hostages, but is instead more focused on making sure cameras inside catch all of the action, Lee works up the courage to sneak back into the building to rescue Charlotte. Screw the singing. This is what he needs to win Charlotte’s heart. Martin agrees to tag along with him, but only if Charlotte can get him access to Lyss Phillips.

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ACT II

Once back inside, Lee and Martin devise a plan to sneak Charlotte out of the contestant holding room. Lee tosses a walkie down a vent that leads into the room and has Martin yell into another walkie as a distraction. Martin really gets into it, much to Keith and Eileen’s annoyance. They desperately try to find the source of the noise. Keith, who’s shorter than Eileen, puts her on his shoulders so she can reach the vent, but he’s too weak and she makes sure to harass him for it. Meanwhile, a stealthy Lee manages to nearly sneak Charlotte out of the room full of hostages, but their plan is foiled when Martin’s cell phone makes an unfortunate recovery from its soaked toilet trip, RINGING and giving them away. Lee and Martin wind up hostages. Gloating in having captured Lee and Martin, Keith makes them empty their pockets. He eats from a box of heart candy that Martin had on him and tapes up every vent in the room, making sure that no attempts are made again to stop them. Eileen is thrilled to have caught Lee, partially blaming him for her bad performance when he stole her spotlight onstage. She humiliates both Lee and Charlotte, realizing after his recue attempt that Charlotte is the girl for whom Lee sang. Some of the bored hostages in the room eat up the juicy scoop like it’s a soap opera. A few hostages ask Eileen if the rumors are true that she killed Rita Burke. Lying and trying to strike fear in the hearts of her captives, she takes full responsibility for the judge’s demise. Lee and Charlotte argue while Martin frantically tries to get their attention, keeping a nervous eye on Keith who seems to be growing more sweaty and pale with each passing minute. Charlotte’s upset with Lee for showing up and making a mess out of everything he touches. She accuses him of having no real drive, having always relied on her to make his decisions for him. Meanwhile, outside, Captain Blaylock keeps the pestering paparazzi at bay and demands info from Tess on the contestant Eileen. Tess reluctantly hands it over. Martin, finally able to get Lee’s attention, tells him that it was no ordinary heart candy that Keith chomped on. One piece that read “Have Fun” was laced with a tiny drop of acid. Martin explains that he was planning on slipping it to Lyss Phillips so that he could get golden photos of her tripping balls. Keith expresses that he’s lightheaded. Lee, trying to get Keith and his gun away from everyone before the trip kicks in, offers to take him to the craft services room and get food for everyone. Charlotte claims that she knows the area better. They bicker. Keith, annoyed, demands that they both come with him. Eileen warns them to return quickly or else, pointing her gun threateningly at Martin.

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While on a food mission to the craft services room, Keith officially begins to freak out, fascinated by every light, color, and sound in the building. Lee and Charlotte are forced to work together to get the lunatic Keith back to the holding room before Eileen suspects something is awry and hurts someone. Meanwhile, in the contestant holding room, Eileen makes first contact with the police. She demands that Aldo meets them in person and wire five million dollars into their accounts. Most importantly, she demands that he signs a record deal for her. Blaylock asks if she can assure them that Aldo will not be harmed. She isn’t very convincing. Martin and some other contestants complain about the taped up vents and the room’s scorching temperature. Lee and Charlotte manage to coax a hyper Keith into laying down. They’re forced to play therapist as Keith blabs about dreams and his poor performance lately in the bedroom with Eileen. Noticing the gun lying at Keith’s side, Lee smoothly tries to make a grab for it while Charlotte keeps him distracted. Just as he gets his hands on it, Keith SNAPS out of his trance and snatches the gun back ordering them to walk back to the holding room. Gun at their backs, they march back to the room. Lee gets Charlotte’s attention and shows her bullets in his clenched fist. He managed to empty the gun. Charlotte is impressed. Meanwhile Captain Blaylock meets with Aldo and Lyss Phillips, warning them that they may have to personally visit the hostage-takers in order for there to be successful negotiation. They refuse, believing that they killed Rita Burke and would do the same to them if they had the chance. When Lee and Charlotte return Keith to the hostage room, Eileen notices Keith’s loopy state and blames Lee, with whom she already has beef. Keith freaks out from the heat in the room and tears open one of the vents, much to the relief of the sweaty, miserable hostages. Midpoint: To punish Lee for repeatedly being a thorn in her side, Eileen sends him on a doomed mission: to find and bring cruel judge Aldo Vega to her himself so that she can personally return the favor of humiliation. (Even though she could request anything from the police, she’d prefer to make Lee suffer first.) She threatens to hurt Charlotte if Lee doesn’t manage the impossible task in thirty minutes. In the parking lot where cops and crowds of reporters are gathered, Lee tries to explain the situation to Tess and police officers, but no one buys that he’s one of the hostages, since he’s already been known to fake his identity and since he was seen outside when the commotion first began. Tess is too busy trying to stall Captain Blaylock and the SWAT team he’s called in. Lee is left no other choice but to sneak his way into Aldo’s trailer.

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Meanwhile, Martin consoles Charlotte who is worried about Lee (she’s mostly worried that he’ll screw things up and she’ll end up killed.) Martin gets a little history from Charlotte about her and Lee’s past relationship. Charlotte’s still convinced he’s desperate and just looking to use her because he’s lost, but Martin swears he’s never seen someone more sorry for a mistake in his life. Eileen ends up in a scuffle with a rapper who mouths off about missing his opportunity to perform. During the mayhem, Keith and Eileen accidentally switch guns! After barely preventing Aldo from calling security, Lee lays a speech on him, reminding a stubborn Aldo of the amazing collaborations he had with some of the most talented artists of his generation. Lee convinces Aldo to help out and redeem himself. They form a plan with Captain Blaylock and the SWAT team to stop Keith and Eileen before their power trip gets even more out of control. Lee informs them about the one open vent leading into the holding room. Captain Blaylock suggests that they try and get Eileen and Keith close to that vent and keep everyone else away. He hands Lee a device to signal them with when they should send in gas grenades to take them out. As Lee escorts Aldo back to the holding room, he remembers Keith’s empty gun and decides that there may be an easier way to stop Eileen and Keith! Lee carries a “captured” Aldo (faking as though he’s been knocked out) into the hostage room, much to Eileen’s pleasure. When Eileen has her back turned, Aldo SPRINGS up and KNOCKS her off her feet, kicking her gun away. To which Keith quickly responds by SHOOTING Aldo in the shoulder with his not-so-empty gun. Low point: Their plan falls apart: During the scuffle, Martin tries to escape via elevator only to be shot at and fall down an empty shaft to his doom. The device to signal the police is destroyed when Eileen lays the smack down on a yet again subordinate Lee. Eileen and Keith force Aldo to wire money to their account. Lee is physically and emotionally beat up. He feels responsible for Aldo’s injury and Martin’s death. Aldo reveals to Lee that Charlotte is responsible for Shut Up and Sing even deciding to come to Atlanta this year. Disappointed and already downtrodden by his series of failures, Lee conveys to Charlotte that he thought the tons of ads for the show in Nelson, Georgia were a sign, beckoning for him to come to find her, as if it were his destiny. Delusion led him to believe she wanted to see him. He realizes now that the ads were evidence of Charlotte’s influence on Tess, the show’s producer. He accuses her of telling Tess all about her derelict hometown from which a barrage of freak show contestants ripe for humiliation would come running in the hopes of making it big. He realizes that to her he’s just another loser like the rest. She tries to explain that a lot’s changed

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since they knew each other last, but Lee won’t hear it, believing now more than ever that everything he touches indeed does turn to shit.

ACT III

Attempting to make amends for her contribution to the terrible mess they’re in, Charlotte convinces Eileen to utilize the unique opportunity to get another chance to perform for Aldo. She hopes to trick Eileen and Keith into getting near the vents while she can figure out a new way to signal the SWAT team to subdue them. Meanwhile, it turns out Martin only fell one story down onto the top of an elevator and is alive and well. He slips outside and resumes his mission for Lyss Phillips, stealing a security guard uniform and making his way toward the trailers. Claiming that he’s only doing it to try to help the rest of the hostages, Lee joins in on Charlotte’s plan. He manages to snatch Keith’s cell and secretly contact the police while Eileen obnoxiously sings. Once Charlotte ensures that both Eileen and Keith are in position, Lee signals for the gas. However, at the last minute Eileen catches on.

Escaping the chaotic room, Eileen knocks Lee out with the butt of her gun before she and Keith take Charlotte and Aldo at gunpoint and make for an escape outside in Lyss Phillips’ absurdly gigantic, two-storied villa of a trailer. Inside, they find Martin in bed with Lyss Phillips. Turns out Martin managed to seduce the pop star with some drugs and a little smooth talk. Climax: Lee, waking up, uses a life-size cardboard standee of Lyss Phillips, to slide down the building’s sloped roof and rush to the rescue. Eileen forces Charlotte to drive in the cab while Lee wrestles with Keith in the mansion of a trailer as it speeds through the city. In order to prevent Eileen from shooting a vulnerable Lee, Charlotte WRECKS the trailer and fights the gun away from Eileen. Just as Keith is about to shoot Charlotte, Lee KICKS a hot tub loose from the second story, falling and trapping Keith. Keith and Eileen are, at last, subdued. Resolution: Similar to the opening scene, a crowd of people wait anxiously outside the trailer (now wrecked). A limping Lee emerges from the trailer helping Aldo. The crowd CHEERS. Captain Blaylock thanks Lee for a job well done in making sure all of the hostages were safe. Aldo pulls strings and fires Tess for her mean-spirited organization of the show, assuring her days in TV are done. Charlotte apologizes for losing sight of where she came from, but Lee explains that it’s his fault for leaving her, causing her to block out a painful past. Lee tells

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her that he isn’t asking to pick up where they left off but looks forward to the opportunity to get to know her all over again. A civil hug of agreement brings all of their old feelings rushing back and they can’t resist the urge to smooch! Aldo, owing them for saving him, offers them anything they ask. Lee tells Aldo he’s got an idea for a show! Cut to: Lee and Charlotte as producers on the set of Rise and Shine, a show that cultivates the talents of small town landlocked kids, helping them (sincerely) chase after their dreams. The kids are thrilled by a guest celebrity appearance of none other than Lyss Phillips along with her paparazzi-plagued boyfriend Martin.

THEME

The main themes of the story include the definition of success, the abuse of power, and coming to terms with guilt. Everyone in the story starts out inherently evil. Charlotte, Aldo, and Tess (all producers on Shut Up and Sing) have acquired a certain level of power and success in the entertainment industry, but at what cost? Their job is to humiliate and wreck the dreams of people on national television. In the same sense, a victim of that humiliation (Eileen) gains power by a criminal means and wind up abusing it as well, hurting innocent people. No one working in reality television initially dreamed of making a career out of it, so, in a sense, the producers of the show are just as much rejects as Eileen. Much like his antagonist, Lee hopes to find success before he fades away into a life of mediocrity, but he suffers from turmoil and regret. Though in denial at first, Charlotte comes to feel guilty for her hand in the whole incident and by the end of the story, success for Lee and Charlotte means something else entirely. Learning selflessness, they make amends for their mistakes and are simply happy to be a part of each other’s lives again. Essentially, by the end, Lee goes from zero to hero.

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Appendix C: The Pitch Version

There’s no denying that reality singing competition shows like American Idol, The Voice and The X Factor dominate TV ratings, especially the episodes spent humiliating these delusional outlandish contestants who have no chance. Well, the world of my screenplay centers around that very phenomenon. It’s about a guy who signs up for a reality singing competition called Shut Up and Sing in the hopes of winning back his ex girlfriend who works on the show, but he’s forced center stage when a humiliated and rejected contestant takes the everyone hostage. My story takes place in Atlanta, Georgia, the weekend TV’s biggest reality singing competition comes to town. The show is called Shut Up and Sing. Paparazzi’s lined up outside to get photos of the celebrity judges, Screaming tweens and bored parents fill the arena. It’s chaos. A contestant named LEE hopes to sing his way back into the heart of his ex- girlfriend from high school CHARLOTTE who works as a production manager on the show. Well, Charlotte isn’t too fond of Lee and the vague reasoning he had for leaving her four years ago, so she orders that Lee gets removed from the building before he can sing. Lee flees from security and takes the stage in one desperate attempt. By doing so, he bumps the performance of another contestant EILEEN. Partially because of Lee flustering her, Eileen’s performance goes terribly, and she ends up humiliated and berated by the show’s Simon Cowell of a judge, music mogul producer ALDO VEGA. Well, Eileen is none too pleased and she and her doting, squatty boyfriend KEITH take a room full of contestants and crew hostage at gun point demanding the show’s 5 million dollar cash prize as well as a record deal. Charlotte is among the hostages. While police try to put a stop to the situation in the arena, TESS, the show’s producer, who will do anything to get the best possible television, is fully aware that a hostage crisis episode, if properly promoted, would be ratings gold when the show airs. So, she wants the cameras to keep rolling. Lee says screw the singing. Rescuing Charlotte from being a hostage is what he really needs to win her back.

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Well, Lee’s hair-brained rescue attempt fails and he winds up a hostage himself, and is forced to face the wrath of the lunatics Eileen and Keith. Eileen hates Lee for bumping her performance. And subsequently Charlotte is upset with Lee for partially being responsible for getting them in this mess. When Keith accidentally takes a hallucinogen, Lee and Charlotte have to work together to keep his trip from turning ugly and endangering people’s lives. In order to punish Lee, Eileen sends him on a doomed mission, to personally bring back cruel judge Aldo Vega to her so that she can return the favor of humiliation. If Lee doesn’t accomplish the impossible task in thirty minutes, Eileen promises that Charlotte will be her first hostage victim. Outside the arena, Lee manages to sneak into Aldo’s trailer and they talk it out. Lee reminds Aldo of the days when he used to actually help singers as a producer rather than crushing their dreams. He gets through to him and Aldo agrees to help. They formulate a plan with the police to get Eileen and Keith near an open vent so that they can gas them. Well, the plan falls apart and Aldo Vega winds up shot in the shoulder. He’s forced to wire 5 million into Eileen’s account and worse: suffer through her performing for him all over again. Having failed on multiple accounts now, Lee is downtrodden. He’s even more upset to find out that Charlotte was responsible for recruiting the freakshow contestants for this year’s show. He realizes that to her he’s just a loser like everyone else. Well, guilt finally catches up with Charlotte, and she attempts to make up for her hand in the awful situation, trying to subdue Keith and Eileen herself. She fails and Eileen and Keith take Charlotte and Aldo Vega at gunpoint, planning to escape the arena. They hijack a 3-story villa celebrity trailer. Lee rushes to the rescue, and fights it out with Keith while Eileen forces Charlotte to drive in the cab as the mansion of a trailer speeds through the city. In order to prevent Eileen from shooting a vulnerable Lee, Charlotte WRECKS the trailer and fights the gun away from Eileen. Just as Keith is about to shoot Charlotte, Lee KICKS a hot tub loose from the second story, falling and trapping Keith. Keith and Eileen are, at last, subdued. Charlotte apologizes for letting Hollywood get to her and turning cold. Lee tells her that he isn’t asking to pick up where they left off years ago but looks forward

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to the opportunity to get to know her all over again. A civil hug of agreement brings all of their old feelings rushing back and they can’t resist the urge to kiss! Aldo pulls strings and fires the producer Tess for her ill-spirited organization of the show. Owing Lee and Charlotte for saving him, Aldo offers them anything they ask. Lee tells Aldo he’s got an idea for a show!Cut to: Lee and Charlotte on camera as producers on the set of Rise and Shine, a show that cultivates the talents of small town landlocked kids, helping them sincerely chase after their dreams. It’s a story about success and the abuse of power. Producers of such shows have acquired a certain level of control and success in the entertainment industry, but at what cost? Their job is to humiliate and wreck the dreams of people on national television. Really, no one working in reality television initially dreamed of making a career out of it, so, in a sense, the producers of the show are just as much rejects as the people they humiliate.

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Vita

John Gregory Bellina was born and raised in a small town in Louisiana. He

received his English: Creative Writing BAS degree with a minor in Film and

Media Arts at Louisiana State University. He has production experience on over

a dozen sets, including riveting reality shows like Bridezillas and The X-Factor as

well as cinema masterpieces such as Battleship. He served as a writing intern for

writer/director/show-runner Rob Thomas (Party Down, Veronica Mars) during the

pursuit of his MFA at UT Austin. He qualified as a semi-finalist in the Slamdance

teleplay competition for a Parks and Recreation spec and a second rounder for

both a spec and pilot in the Austin Film Festival. His feature script was in the top

15% of the 2012 Nicholl screenwriting competition.

Permanent e-mail address: jgbellina@gmail.com

This report was typed by the author.

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