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Christmas 2009Dear Friends, Family and the rest of you,

Every year we here in the Wright family household are bombarded with your Christmas letters telling of your excitingand perhaps arduous year. Mostly I relish in the tales,imagining all your little ones doing the things you claimthey’ve done, and crying during the terrible heartaches you

felt the need to share with everyone you know. I myself havenever done the “Christmas Letter”, but thought this would bea grand year to start. As many of you know me, you may havealready sensed the theme that this letter will take, as it drips buckets of sarcasm and even a littleinsensitivity…all for comedic value I assure you. On a side note, before I begin, please keep sendingyour Christmas letters to us, never stop, for it gives me such a mountain of material for possible standup, and pure selfish entertainment as I bask in the glory that is just general musings on your crazy andsometimes drama filled lives.

And so we begin….it was early January 2009. The 2008 holiday season had just passed and I had justfinished scrap-booking the last of my collected Christmas letters. As the last glue stick was capped, I sat

down to begin the New Year’s memoirs. I was six months pregnant with the future leader of the freeworld/Noodling champion. What’s Noodling you ask? Well if you haven’t already googled it or foundit on Wikipedia, which by the way you had plenty of time to do by now, it is a lovely Redneck traditionof fishing, using your hands as bait….We figure he’ll have quite the future in politics, but just in case,we wanted to groom him to have a good back up plan.

As February grew closer, we prepared the festivities of what has become the annual tradition of celebrating Emma’s birthday. She would turn three this year, and as luck would have it, she did. AsMarch drew in, we received the most exciting news ever, and by exciting I mean stressful and anxietyridden. Yes folks, 4 weeks before I was to deliver the newest heir to the Wright dynasty, we were

preparing to move. There is nothing better then packing a house and moving heavy stuff around when

you are nine months pregnant. With each “rip” of the packing tape I quietly thought to myself “was thata contraction? Am I going to birth this baby amongst cardboard and newspaper?” The answer was athundering, NO.

The morning of April 10, 2009. 4:30am, John and I headed tothe hospital and at 7:57am via c-section came 6lb 13ozVincent Rudolph Wright. Just to brag a bit, my surgery/birthhad a soundtrack, which will be available on iTunes sometimein the next, oh say….never. We were greeted in recovery by

big sister Emma, Mimaw, Papa and an intimidating nurse whocouldn’t wait to get her hands on my breast and shove it into

my newborn son’s mouth. Later that night as we settled intothe warm embrace of fluorescent lighting, we were all movedas a family unit to the hallway to wait out the tornado thatripped through town; perhaps a sign of things to come, or

maybe just a swirling mass of wind and debris.

The morning of April 17, 2009 the movers came. Yes folks, seven days out of surgery, we moved…well, John moved, Vincent, Emma and myself camped out at my parent’s house for the day.

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April and May seemed to fly by in a blur and I have no idea what went on during those months…seriously. All was well, even though I have no memory of that time, we all managed to stay alive.

June was fun, I had another birthday, I turned 33 andmaybe it’s because it’s a odd number, but I couldn’t wrapmy head around it. So I did what any other personcelebrating a birthday would do, I headed out to the closestMexican restaurant, and wore the funny hat while they sang

“Feliz Cumpleaños” and threw napkins on me. They reallyknow how to party…those Hispanics.

We also headed to Dayton, OH for a visit with friends.My friend Karen’s son Jack turned 2, so we met them inOhio to celebrate. We skipped the 15 year high school reunion and called up the people we actuallywould want to see and catch up with and headed out for pizza. (no offense to any other graduatingmembers of the Stebbins classes of 1994 and 1995, if we didn’t hang out with you in high school,chances are we wouldn’t want to hang out with you now).

It was great to see everyone and their children, sort of, I’ve

realized the only children I like being around are my own.I’m kidding, seriously, your kids are great, I’ve never hadso much fun, Dayton in June, best vacation ever!

The 4 th of July was pretty cool, our new house is on a lake,and our neighbors shot off some rad fireworks, stellar show.(notice how I was able to incorporate rad and stellar into

the same sentence?).

Ok, so the summer came and went, there were very hot days and not so

very hot days. Emma took some swimming lessons and discoveredthat she has a natural talent in the water and so we signed her up for the 2012 summer Olympics diving team. She’s already competed inseveral local competitions unwillingly and has finished first everytime…because Wrights are winners!! There will be no losers in thisfamily, WIN, WIN, WIN!!! I thought this was a great life lesson for her to learn at the tender age of 3.

Vincent wasn’t as interested in the water as Emma was. He instead turned his attention to dryer things.He’s also made the decision to not sit up on his own or crawl out of protest for those who are disabled.Why should he move around when so many are unable. John decided to host a 5k in honor of all babies

who don’t move around out of principle alone. The proceeds will go to help build the “Vincent R.Wright Institute for babies who scoff at developmentalmilestones and do things “at their own special time” Center.Or VRWIoBWSaDMadTaTOSTC for short.

We ended the summer on a lovely high note, we had aLabor Day BBQ/housewarming party. You’re probablywondering, ‘what BBQ, I wasn’t invited.’ Hmmmm…awkward. So it was fun, if you were there, you know

because you were there and probably had fun, if you

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weren’t there, I blame the USPS, always losing stuff, like for example, your invitation.

October we had the first ever ‘Who’s baby is better?’competition with our out of town guests the Havers. Their little boy Henry is 3 weeks younger than Vincent. Pointswere deducted immediately from team Haver for simplynot winning the ‘who will have the baby first?’ contest. Itwas a pretty close race, as Henry proved to be the better

night time sleeper, however Vincent beat him by knock out on day time napping. Vincent also scored better byhaving more hair and by shear size alone, we breed ‘em

big here in the Wright family. We had to finally settle ona tie, for both babies had their strengths…and weaknesses,

although Vincent had no weaknesses to speak of.

Halloween was wet; we braved the chillyrain in order to collect various candies and

possible pneumonia. Vincent was dressedas a chicken, which I’m positive he will

hate me for later in life. Emma was SnowWhite, big surprise…we are simply movingthrough each Disney Princess as they years

progress. I myself was a huge holidaydisappointment as I did not dress in costume…

but I did make spider-web brownies in honor of the occasion because I am the best freaking stay at home mommy ever!

Now for the Highlights portion of my letter to discuss the rest of my family…

My mother Gloria is still working for the Hospitalists at Piedmont-Newnan Hospital. Due to her close

proximity with the other doctors, she has, simply through osmosis, become a doctor herself. Who knew that simply by listening to all the big words and diagnosis of variousailments you can actually turn into a doctor? She has since enjoyed her new found callingin life and has opened her own practice, and is actively seeking new patients.

My father Pat, in his spare time, has solved all of theuniverses unsolved math problems; and just for fun,

passed on the more challenging ones to me, just tosee if I can do it too. I cannot. The numbers haveturned his hair even grayer and his eyebrows evenlonger. He also put to rest the ever mind numbing

query as to the origins of pi. It is round and usuallyfilled with fruit. He also got back on the bike andwithout any training and after a good 3 ½ years of nolong distance riding….he and John went on a 72mile bike ride.

My grandmother Josephine sadly passed away this past June. Inhonor of her favorite time of year, I decided to begin this tradition of, inher words, “to maka the fun” because she enjoyed a good joke. She alsoreally knew how to laugh at herself, which always made me laugh, and

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then we would be laughing together, and I hope she’s upthere laughing now…which I know she is.

My husband John is continuing to make air travel safe for allof us by fixing all the old broken plane engines that we payhundreds upon hundreds of dollars to travel by air eachyear… Well not us, we fly for free. He really enjoys hiswork, and I love hearing all the stories of his “responsible”

and “hard working” co-workers. It really makes me feel“safe” to know that theses are the guys signing off on anengine that has been “fixed” and is “flight ready”. It’s greatto know that Delta Airlines if finally “stable” and really priding themselves on the “quality” of their mechanics. Seriously, if John wasn’t there to double check all the slack jawed yokels’ mishaps, I’dnever fly again.

Emma is doing great, testing very high for her age, even skipping a year of preschool. And by skippingI mean dropping out, she’s much too advanced for the Georgia educationalsystem. As you can see from her artwork, she is a mad genius, and I have createdquite the laboratory of learning for her in our basement. She spends hours a day

down there doing her “research”. We couldn’t be more proud or frightened.

Vincent, too, is quite gifted. You may have gathered from the preceding talesof his work for the “Institute” and the 2009 ‘Who’s Baby is Better’ Games, thathis skills are quite remarkable. We see big things for him in the future.

I myself have taken to the frivolities of ridicule. My new favorite thing is to pointout the inadequacies of others and write them down for all to enjoy. My goal is tosomeday profit from this art form and to rollaround naked in all the cash…ah to dream. Also,

since having Vincent I have lost a whopping 58 pounds!!! Weight

Watchers has really worked, I feel really great about myself.

I hope this letter finds all of you well and rested, or at least broke anddrunk underneath the fallen Christmas tree or Menorah depending onwhich way you pray…enjoy your fruitcakes, mulled ciders, and the restof your Christmas letters that are certainly in a mountain beneath thisone. As always, Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, Cheery Kwanzaa,and a Fitful Festivus to the rest of us, good night.

Sincerely and with Holiday Love,

The Wright Family