Brave Communication!!

Keeping Our Love “On”

Tuesday Nights November 17 - December 15 Led by Russ Fochler

Week 3 Part 1 December 1, 2015

Goal

For each of us to become more “Powerful” and “Brave” in our relationships.

PowerfulWe’re “powerful” when we “show up” in a relationship — and we’re helping the other person to “show up” too.

BraveWe’re “brave” when we are no longer slaves to fear, but living as loved daughters and sons of Father God. !

The mature kind of love that comes from our Father — displaces fear in us and in our relationships.

Practices for class !and during your daily life

Remembering to always start with seeking to Understand the other first. This includes practicing Reflective Listening and often Active Listening.

Using “I” statements,

Avoiding “It” statements, Avoiding “You” statements!

Tactical Breathing

Brave Communicationby Dann Farrelly !

Associate Pastor of Bethel Church, Redding and Dean of the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry

Signs I “Need” Brave Communication

When I hear or have strong emotions!

When I hear or have a problem!

When I hear or have confusion

Quick Review:Seeking first to understand!

The challenge of each person having their own unique “codebook”.!

Asking: “I’m wondering if….” to understand whether a difference in our “codebooks” is the source of our frustration.

Quick Review:Jesus had a lot to say about working through conflicts with our sisters and brothers.!

“Rebuke, Repent, Forgive” Luke 17: 1-10!

The importance of becoming aware our emotions and body sensations in preparing for brave communication.

Brave Communication Disk 1 56:53 - 59:12

Dann Farrelly

Core Value about how we respond to attacks

From what Jesus told his disciples (us): turn the other cheek. So we don’t respond to a destructive emotional attack by “going on the attack” ourselves!

We can vocalize how we now feel: “I feel hurt, I feel betrayed, I feel frustrated, my trust has been damaged, etc.”

Exercise (Pair-up in Groups of 2):!

Share a story of when you didn’t attack in return. What helped you? !

OR imagine a recent time when you lost control and attacked in return. Share that, and as you feel the emotions again - practice “Tactical Breathing”. Is that helping?

Brave Communication Disk 1 59:12 - 1:07:09

Dann Farrelly

Trying to Shut Out Painful Stuff Also Shuts Off Joy and Connection

See Brene Brown TED talk:!

“The Power of Vulnerability”!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o

Feelings Change By• Being shared and understood by God or another. !• Getting a different perspective of a situation (like

new information or a new belief). !• Praying about them. Our feelings are a part of us,

which is both sanctified and being sanctified. Sometimes believing a lie damages our emotions. God may work immediately and supernaturally, or work over time, or have you work through them the old fashioned way (by expressing them and being understood or renewing our mind with His word.) !

• By being reflected upon through journaling, poetry or self-talk.

Brave Communication Disk 2 0:0 - 5:10

Dann Farrelly

No Longer A Victim

When we use brave communication — when we bring up what is frustrating us in a respectful way. And we see the other person understands us, we no longer feel like a victim

Brave Communication Disk 2 5:10 - 13:13

Dann Farrelly

The “I” MessageA) The feeling B) The non-blaming description of MY

observation or problem C) The tangible effects of the behavior, response,

or “attitude” on me Use the Formula all the time until you get good

— even if you feel awkward: “I feel ________when______________ because _______________________” The really brave then make their needs/likes known

by suggesting some alternatives. “So, I need____” or “So could we ____?”

Brave Communication Disk 2 12:03 - 13:23

Dann Farrelly

The “I” Message

The really brave then make their needs/likes known by suggesting some alternatives:!!

“So, I need_________” !or “So could we ________?”

Brave Communication Disk 2 13:13 - 17:02

Dann Farrelly

“I” Message ExerciseThink of a situation - real or “made-up”.!

I feel: _______(insert a feeling here)!

When: ___(a non-blaming description)!

Because: (why it affects you this way).!

So I need: ____ or So, could we:____?!

Pair-up, say it out loud, give feedback.

Brave Communication Disk 2 17:02 - 32:35

Dann Farrelly

Reflective Listening ExerciseI am going to give you some “practice” statements. Person “A” please express this to Person “B”!

Person B: Go past “parroting”. Let yourself feel the emotions towards you and then feedback the words you just heard.!

After the first 4 statements - switch!

Brave Communication Disk 2 32:18 - 43:50

Dann Farrelly

Short Discussion about Active Listening

Connecting through acknowledging their emotions.!

Using “Door Openers” and “Invitations” to encourage the other person to share more.!

Active listening opens people up - so only use it when you have the time to engage and you truly want to hear them.!