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8/22/2019 August Free Chapter - CREZZA: From AFL glory to prison and the long road to redemption by Daryn Cresswell
1/16
Copyright Darryn Cresswell 2013. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced,
stored in a retrieval system, transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical,
photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
http://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspx -
8/22/2019 August Free Chapter - CREZZA: From AFL glory to prison and the long road to redemption by Daryn Cresswell
2/16
1
1
Sentencing
Sunday, 5 December, 2010
In the weeks before the sentencing hearing, my partner
since2008,Jo,andIheadeduptoNoosaontheSunshine
Coastforafewweeksaway.Wehadtotryasbestaswecould
tomakesenseofeverythingthathadhappenedandtoget
ahandleoneverythingthatwouldfollow.Wedidntdomuch.
Just spentmuchneeded time together.Wewalkedon the
beach,hadafewquietbeersbythehotelpool.Jo,blessher,
wastryingreallyhardtobestoic.Webothwere.Therewere
acoupleofmeltdowns.Ilostitafewtimes.Thethoughtofgoingtojail,theinevitabilityofit,takesyoutosomepretty
darkplaces.Suicidal?IdbelyingifIsaiditdidntcrossmy
Copyright Darryn Cresswell 2013. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced,
stored in a retrieval system, transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical,
photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
http://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspx -
8/22/2019 August Free Chapter - CREZZA: From AFL glory to prison and the long road to redemption by Daryn Cresswell
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CREZZA
2
mind.Ithadbefore.Iwastryingtothinkofwaysout,waysof
escapingtheinevitable.Mostlythough,Iwasfeelingnumb.
Andnotjustalittlebitterried.
Lookingback,Jowasarock.Shewasmysaviour.Shenever
oncewaveredinhercommitmenttome.Tous.Shedbeback
homewaitingforme,shesaid,wantingmetoknowthatshe
shouldbetheleastofmyworries.AnditwasnteasyforhershesanEnglishgirl.Shewasouthereonherown,alongway
fromher family.Because Idbeenanout-of-control train,
Iwasgoingtodisappearonherforayear.Justleavehertoy
solo.Iwasobviouslyrelievedshewasgoingtostickbyme
ChristknowsitwasmorethanIdeservedbutIwasracked
withguilt.Itwasheartbreaking.
Andthenthereweremykids:Emily,then7;Jake,5,and
Josh,just2.
Idauthoredmyowntragedy.Theirstoo.Iwashurting
likehell.
ThenightbeforeIwasdueincourtIwassleeplessforacoupleofreasons.
TherstwasthatIknewwhatwascoming.Wedmetup
withthelawyersandtheydlaiditoutplain:itwasgoingtobe
tentofourteenmonths.Ishouldntevencontemplatebeing
allowedtowalk,becauseitsimplywasntgoingtohappen.
Braceyourself,theysaid.Youhavetostartgettingyourhead
right.OvertimeIdcometotakeanythingalawyersaidwith
Copyright Darryn Cresswell 2013. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced,
stored in a retrieval system, transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical,
photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
http://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspx -
8/22/2019 August Free Chapter - CREZZA: From AFL glory to prison and the long road to redemption by Daryn Cresswell
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3
Sentencing
agrainofsalt.Thegoalpostswerealwaysshifting.Theonly
constantwasthebills.
Thesecondreasonformysleeplessnesswasthatmyold
teammatefromtheSwansWayneSwottaSchwasshadcome
upforthenight.Hesaripperbloke,Swotta.Wedbeenclose
eversincehejoinedmeatthe club inthemid-90s.Hed
alsobeenthroughhisownraftofissuesandwassmartandthoughtfulenoughtoknowIwasgoingtoneedafriend.
Tobehonest,hewasoneofthefewblokesfrommyfootball
toshowaninterestinmeduringthoselastmonths.Hejust
understood.Hesgotaheartofgold.Hesaid,Imcoming.
Illbethere.Imnotmissingthis.Swottastuckfastregardless
ofanything,andIllalwaysappreciatethat.Thatsnottosay
Ibeargrudgesagainstpeoplewhowerelookingtheother
way.Forthem,justasitwasforme,thewholethingwas
surreal.IfIwasintheirshoesIwouldnthaveknownwhich
waytolookorwhattosayeither.Anyway,weallwentout
tolunch,andlunchmorphedintodinner.Wetalkedaboutwhatlayaheadandspokeabouttheeventsleadingtomy
conviction.Eventhen,onthedaybeforegoinginside,Iwas
stillinastateofdenialabouthoweverythinghadtranspired.
OnedayIwasying;Iwasincontrol;Iwasworkinginan
industrythatIloved.Thenextmomentmylifewasacar
crash.Everythingthathappenedinthemeantimehadbeen
atotalblur.
Copyright Darryn Cresswell 2013. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced,
stored in a retrieval system, transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical,
photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
http://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspx -
8/22/2019 August Free Chapter - CREZZA: From AFL glory to prison and the long road to redemption by Daryn Cresswell
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CREZZA
4
InthemorningIsuitedupandwehoppedinthecar,
headed for the Maroochydore Court House hearing. It
waswetandmiserableoutside.Perfectlyapt,Iremember
thinking.Ifeltnothing,reallyjustsour.Andat.Although
apartfromtheobvious,therewasanadditionalreasonfor
that,too.Intheweeksbefore,asyoucanimagine,Idbeen
prettystressed.Mymoodshadbeenswingingthiswayandthat.Idbedeantforabit,thenplummetquickerthanyou
couldsnapyourngerswhenrealitysunkhome.Iwasntan
easybloketobearound.Idseenadoctorandhedprescribed
me some sleeping pills. Id chucked a couple down that
morningtohelpgetmethrough.Iknewwhatwasgoingto
happenthenextday.Iwasresignedtogoingin.Ijustdidnt
knowforhowlong.Thepillssappedtheemotionoutofit.
Istillrememberthedriveintothecity,watchingtheworld
driftby,allthosepeoplethroughthewindowenjoyingtheir
holidaysorgoingtowork,andIwasthinking,Wouldnt it be
nice to be normal?Wearrivedatthecourtjustbeforenineinthemorning.
Mylawyerswerethere,thesolicitorandthebarrister.Sowas
mymother,Clare.Itwashardseeingher.Wedbeenthrough
alotasafamily.Tothatpoint,Idhadthreebrotherswhod
diedbeforetheirtime.AndDadwasstolenfromustooearly
aswell.Naturallyenough,IfeltlikeMumneededmearound,
andnowIwaslettingherdown.Illneverforgetherfacethat
Copyright Darryn Cresswell 2013. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced,
stored in a retrieval system, transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical,
photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
http://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspxhttp://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/daryn-cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspx -
8/22/2019 August Free Chapter - CREZZA: From AFL glory to prison and the long road to redemption by Daryn Cresswell
6/16
5
Sentencing
dayandhowherexpressionsomehowmanagedtoconvey
onepartunequivocal,motherly love andanother of total
hurtanddisappointment.Istillwellupatthethought.Itsa
horriblethingtowatchyourmumendureseeingyouatyour
lowestmoment.
Therewereacoupleofcourtmattersbeforemine,sowe
satinsideforhalfanhourandwaiteduntilmynamewascalled.EventuallyJudgeRobertsonshufedhispapers.He
didntwasteanytimegettingintoit.HementionedthatId
associatedwiththewrongkindsofpeople,butthatshouldnt
detractfromthefactthatIdletdownplentyoftheright
kind. Id been intentionally dishonest and I was out of
control.Hiswordsjustwashedovermeforthemostpart.
AllIcouldthinkofwasmyfamily.Butintheendonephrase
stoodout:Yourgamblingwasquitesensational,hesaid.
Sensational.
AndtherewasIthinkingsensationalwasagoodthing!
FormanyyearsIdenjoyedRocketorRoosyorwhoeverelsesaying,Crezza,youweresensationaloutthere.
HowwrongcouldIbe?
Eventuallyhenishedsummarisingthefactsanditwas
crunchtime.Heaskedmetostand.Idid.
Hereadoutthesentence.
In amongst all the jargon only two words stood out:
tenmonths.
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stored in a retrieval system, transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical,
photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
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8/22/2019 August Free Chapter - CREZZA: From AFL glory to prison and the long road to redemption by Daryn Cresswell
7/16
CREZZA
6
It was at the shorter end of the spectrum, but I stood there
dazed, half vagued-out on sleeping pills, unsure what to do or
think or say. I was frozen, oblivious. Before I knew it, before
Id even taken a breath, the courtroom was almost clear.
It was just me and Jo and Mum and Swotta, and a couple
of emotionless Corrective Services ofcers. It was time for
last goodbyes. Just like that. The whole ordeal narrowed toa single, tiny moment.
Mum and Jo were in tears. I struggled to look them in the
eye. I caught a glimpse of Swotta. I reckon I even detected
a tear in his eye, too. I did my best to hold it together, to
reassure everyone that Id be okay, that it had an end date,
that wed see it through. But really I had no idea. They
were just words lling space. Anything was better than the
sound of my favourite people crying for me. We were soon
separated, I was cuffed, and the ofcers led me through a
door. No one said anything beyond basic instructions. Stand
here. Turn there. Go to this place. Fingers on the ink. Thisbit of paper. Get changed. I just did what I was told. They
bagged up my suit and handed me some prison clothes:
green sloppy joe, green tracksuit pants, velcro sneakers. No
laces were allowed in case you might string yourself up,
I guessed, like on TV. Then it was down the elevator and
into a cell. Again, hardly a word was spoken. No one so
much as looked you in the eye as you were shunted from
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stored in a retrieval system, transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical,
photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
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8/22/2019 August Free Chapter - CREZZA: From AFL glory to prison and the long road to redemption by Daryn Cresswell
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7
Sentencing
one part of the process to the next. It was all absolutely and
ruthlessly clinical.
Oddly or maybe not I was thinking, I can get out o
here. I was looking at the windows and doors and thinking,
I could ft through there. I could just bolt. I I run no ones
going to catch me. Im still pretty ft. I can just go. I briey had
had the same sensation before I went into court and in theweeks before sentencing:Just go. Just get in the car and drive.
Like I was in some kind of movie. But I had no plan beyond
that thats how irrational it was and there were the kids
to consider. I could never do it to them.
In the end there eventually comes a time when youve just
got to man up.
And for me that time began with getting myself forcibly
stripped of all ego.
I wasnt Daryn Cresswell the 250-gamer or Daryn Cresswell
the AFL assistant coach anymore. I was a criminal. And I had
to get used to being a criminal pretty quickly.I knew Id be in the Maroochydore watch house for a
couple of days while they gured out where to send me. My
cell was maybe four metres by two metres. Inside there was
a toilet, a small sink, a bench bed and a radio. That was it.
There was nothing to do but think. At the start Id tick off the
time in half-hour blocks between hearing my name read out
on the radio news: Daryn Cresswell has been sentenced . . .
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stored in a retrieval system, transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical,
photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
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8/22/2019 August Free Chapter - CREZZA: From AFL glory to prison and the long road to redemption by Daryn Cresswell
9/16
CREZZA
8
andFormerSydneySwanschampion...Igotsickofallthat
prettyquickly,letmetellyou.Hoursfeltlikedays.Twodays
feltliketwoweeks.Isatthereinthesilence,driftinginand
outofbrokenpatchesofsleep.ThewholetimeImthinking
overandoveragain:What are people going to think of me?
How the fuck did I get here? Ive let so many people down. How
am I ever going to get through any of this? What about my kids?How are they going to trust their old man? Itwasahorrible
stateofmind.
Bizarrely, itwas thewords of Greg Lemme, aNational
AustraliaBankinvestigatorandoneoftheblokesincharge
ofthewholeinquiryintomycrime,thatwererattlingabout
inmyhead.Itiswhatitis,hedsaid.Peoplewillcontinue
tohaveimpressions.Itswhatyoudonowthatmattersmost.
Thatsforyou,foryourmissus,foryourchildren.Youconfront
itondayone.Assoonasyoudo,youmoveonandstartagain.
Aftertwodaysofnothingness,anofcer(orascrew,asId
nowcomeaccustomedtohearingthemlabelled)calledoutmyname.
Cresswell!hebarked.Youregoing!
Apairofofcerscameintomycellandcuffedme.Isigned
offonmyvaluablesandwasledtoaprisonbusandshunted
on.Mylifeasanathleteallthatrunningandtraining,all
thosehuge crowds andbig stadiums had come to this.
Ihadtoremindmyselftobreathe,slowlyanddeeply,like
Copyright Darryn Cresswell 2013. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced,
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photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
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8/22/2019 August Free Chapter - CREZZA: From AFL glory to prison and the long road to redemption by Daryn Cresswell
10/16
9
Sentencing
Iwasliningupforgoal,keepingcalminthemoment.The
differencewasthatthistimeIwaskeepingmylungsfullof
airtostaysane.
The transport van was like a torture chamber. It had
windows,butweweresurroundedbymetalwalls.Despitethe
presenceofpeople,therewasapalpablesenseoflifelessness.
Wewere kept separated from one another, but were stillbreathingeachothersstaleair.ThewholetimeIhadnoidea
whereIwasoffto.Oneofthescrewshadsaiditdbeeither
ArthurGorrieorBrisbaneCorrectionalCentre.Iknewboth
wereprettytoughplaces.Ididntwanttosayanything,but
evenifIdidIwouldvebittenmytongue.Ididntwantto
showanyfearortrepidation.
IdrememberedbacktowhenIwasrstarrestedinSydney.
Idactuallysharedthebackofapaddywagonwithoneof
the bikers whod been involved in the infamous airport
murderthatgrabbedalotofattentionatthetime.Hewas
thesortofblokeyoudlistentoregardlessofwhathesaid,but,thataside,hiswordsrangtrue.HesaidthatIshouldnt
lendanyoneanything.Ishouldnevertakeanythingfrom
anybodyiftheyofferedit.Andifanyonewantedtohaveago
atme,Inotonlyhadtohaveagoback,IhadtogolikeIwas
ghtingformylife.
Neverborrow.Neverlend.Ifsomeonehasago,haveago
back,onlyharder.
Copyright Darryn Cresswell 2013. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced,
stored in a retrieval system, transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical,
photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
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8/22/2019 August Free Chapter - CREZZA: From AFL glory to prison and the long road to redemption by Daryn Cresswell
11/16
CREZZA
10
LittledidIknow,buthiswordswouldbecomesomething
ofamantra.
AfterawhilewestoppedatBrisbaneCorrectionalCentre.
Iwasusheredoutthebackofthevanandintotheglareof
day.Wewereshufedthroughanotherseriesofclunkingsteel
doorsuntilwemadeitintoaholdingcell.Therewerealready
afewmeninthere,maybetenofusintotal.Cagey-lookingblokes,mostly.Afewbigtoughswiththeirtattoos,allparading
about,doingwhattheythoughttheyneededtodotomake
animpression.Istayedonmyfeetandavoidedeyecontact
withanyone.Itdidntstopthemtryingtogetatme.AsId
laterlearn,lifeinsideajailislikeagameofchessrevolving
aroundwhoknowswhataboutwhom.Youcantaffordtogive
anyoneanyinformationbecausepeoplewillonlytrytoextract
aweaknessthattheycanuseagainstyouinsomeway.
Itwasquietatrst,butitdidnttakelongforthequestions
tostartying.
You! You there. What are you doin here? Where you from?
What are you in here for?
Oneblokeinparticularwasbeingreallypersistent,yapping
untilhegotabite.Eventually,Icouldntignorethemany
longer.
Youthere.Whatareyoudoinhere?Whattheygotchafor?
Fraud,Isaid.
Whatdidyoudo?
Copyright Darryn Cresswell 2013. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced,
stored in a retrieval system, transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical,
photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
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8/22/2019 August Free Chapter - CREZZA: From AFL glory to prison and the long road to redemption by Daryn Cresswell
12/16
11
Sentencing
Ipuffedoutmychestabit,steelingmyself.
Nothin,Ispat,tryinghardtosoundlikeIdidntcareabout
anything,themleastofall.Myheartwasthumpingthough.
Howlong?hesaid,unsatised.
Dunno,mate,Isaid.Idontknowanything.
Heeyedmeover,checkingmeout.Theyrealwaysprying.
Theytrytorankyou,establishapeckingorder,guringoutwhotheycancontrolorbullyaround.
Afterawhilemynamewascalledoutagain.
ThistimethescrewsIwasalreadyusingthevernacular
oflifeinsidetookmethroughtoapsychologist,whowas
sittingbehindadesk.
Isthisyourrsttimein?
Inodded.
Doyouhaveasupportnetworkoutside?
Yes,Isaid.Ihavefamily.
Areyougoingtobeabletocopeinside?heasked.
Itwasanunanswerablequestion,butIsaidyesregardless.Id heard if you dont say yes you wind up in a prison
hospitalsleepingwiththelightonundertwenty-four-hour
surveillancesurroundedbycrazypeople.Iwasntinterested
inthat.Ijustwantedtogetonwithit.Getonwithsurviving.
Iwentbacktotheholdingcellforafewhourswhenwe
weredone.Thesameblokeswerestillbarkingandmoaning,
pissingontheirrehydrants,markingtheirterritory.
Copyright Darryn Cresswell 2013. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced,
stored in a retrieval system, transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical,
photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
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8/22/2019 August Free Chapter - CREZZA: From AFL glory to prison and the long road to redemption by Daryn Cresswell
13/16
CREZZA
12
Afterawhilewewererustledupandhandedoursleeping
bagsandjailgear,alongwithtwentydollarstobuychocolate,
smokes,whatever.Weweregiventwoofeverything:shorts,
shirts,jumpers.Andthenwewalked.Wewentthroughone
gate.Clunk.Thenanother.Clunk.Allaroundmetherewere
fenceseverywhere.Iwasthinking,Shit, this is a long way from
the SCG.ItquicklydawnedonmethattherewasnopossiblewayIcouldgetout.Thiswasnodream.
Eventuallyweweremarchedtowhattheyreferredtoas
ourpodtwostoriesoffour-metre-squarecellsthatlooked
overacommunalarea.S9wasthenameofourfty-manpod.
EachcellhaditsownsmallTV,abenchbed,alidlesstoilet
andashowerdesignedtoclickoffaftertwominutes.The
communalarea,basicallyaneatingspacewithalittlekitchen,
hadafewsix-seatertablesandchairsandacoupleofsteel
benchesinfrontofasharedTV.Thescrewswereever-present
insidetheirprotectivepodatoneend.Offtotheotherend
wasalittlebasketballcourtandsomereallybasicexerciseequipment.
Everythingwasbolteddownorweldedtosomething.The
placehadbeengivenafaceliftinrecentyears,soeverything
wasprettymuchnew.Ithadaclinicalfeelaboutit.Akindof
unlived-invibe.
S9wassupposedtobeforrst-timers,buttherewasclearly
abitofamix.Itwasobviousthatafewoftheseboyshaddone
Copyright Darryn Cresswell 2013. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced,
stored in a retrieval system, transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical,
photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
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8/22/2019 August Free Chapter - CREZZA: From AFL glory to prison and the long road to redemption by Daryn Cresswell
14/16
13
Sentencing
stretchesbefore.Theyhadawayaboutthem.Theyspoke
thelanguage.Idwalkedinwiththislittlechatty,nervous
guycalledCisco.Icouldtellhewasshittinghimself.Hewas
onlyasmallguy.Ifeltsorryforhim.Itoldhimtostickwith
meandtriedtofortifyhimbygivinghimtheneverborrow,
neverlendspiel.Henodded,hiseyeslikesaucers.
Aroundus,guyswereeyeingusupanddown,tryingtooverwhelmus,sussingusout.Everyonewantedacigarette.
You,yeahyou.Yagotadurry?
Dontsmoke,Idsayandjustlookstraightahead.
Theyleftmealoneafterawhile.ButbloodyCisco,hewas
giving away everything, trying to be everyonesmate. He
broketherulesearly.Iwasalreadyfeelingnervousforhim,
forwhatmightcomeofhim.AndallthewhileIwasbeing
watchedlikeahawk.
Iwasbiggerthen.Maybe100orsokilogramsoverodds
formebutIdneverreallystoppedliftingweightsandId
stillbeenrunningabit.AllIcouldthinkwas, Im t enough.If anyone starts anything, Im just going to go nuts.SickasI
felt,Ijustrepeatedoverandoverinmymind,No weakness.
No weakness.
Eventually,Igottiredofwatchingthewatchers,soIheaded
outtotheyardtobreakthecycle.
Later,oneofthemfollowedmeout.HisnamewasJimmy
Polland.
Copyright Darryn Cresswell 2013. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced,
stored in a retrieval system, transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical,
photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
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8/22/2019 August Free Chapter - CREZZA: From AFL glory to prison and the long road to redemption by Daryn Cresswell
15/16
CREZZA
14
Where are you from? he asked. I know you from
somewhere.Sureofit.
Itriedignoringhimandfobbinghimoff,buthekeptsaying
itoverandover:Iveseenyou.IknowIhave.
Dunno,mate,Isaid.
Didyouplayrugbyleague?
Nah,Isaid.Dunnowhatyoureonabout.Eventually, he moved away. I was grateful. All the
questioningwasmakingme edgy.When did being aloof
becomebeingtooaloof?Wasthereanunwrittenrule?Maybe
theydjustreckonIwasarudeprickandbeatthecrapoutof
meregardlessofwhatIdidordidntsay.
Therewasanotherblokethere,MatthewIreland.Hewas
inforarmed robbery.Thatnightwhenwewere sittingat
thecommontableforourrstdinnerontheinside,hewas
talkingabouthowhecamefromTasmania.Ihadntbeen
sayingmuch,butthereandthenIletmyguarddownforthe
rsttime.ImfromTassie,Iblurtedout.
Mattseyeslitup.Youcouldseesomethingclick.
Cresswell!hesaidasthepennydropped.AndtothinkI
thoughtyouwasacopper!
Thetopicquicklyturnedtofootballandplayingbackin
TassieandmycareerwiththeSwans.
The mood lightened a bit after that. And, thankfully,
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stored in a retrieval system, transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical,
photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
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cresswell/crezza-from-afl-glory-to-prison-and-the-long-road-to-redemption-9781742758299.aspx 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8/22/2019 August Free Chapter - CREZZA: From AFL glory to prison and the long road to redemption by Daryn Cresswell
16/16
15
Sentencing
Ididntgetstaredatsomuch,butthethoughtofwhatmight
havehappenedtomeiftheycontinuedtothinkIwasan
undercoverboyinbluerattledmeforalongtimeafterwards.
Still,therewasnowayIwasgoingtolurkaroundBrisbane
Correctionalfortenmonths.Thatnight,lyinginthedark
inmycell,IvowedtodowhateverIcouldtogettoaprison
farm.Iwouldbehave.Idkeepmyselftuned.Iddoeverythingright,absolutelybythebook.
WhenIwokeupthenextday,Ibee-linedforthebasketball
courtandstartedrunning.Thesurfacewasasphalt,butthe
prisonshoeswererubbishyvelcrorunners,soIjustdidit
barefoot.Iran100square-shapedlapsthatday.Justticked
themoff,onebyone,allthewhilethinkinghowIwasgoing
tomakethisworkasbestIcould.Theotherinmateslooked
at me like I was completelymad, but their stares didnt
bother me now. I was fortifying myself with a quest for
purpose,areasonforexisting.Irepeatedtherunningdoseon
subsequentdays,eventuallyjackingupthedistance.BythetimeIleftBrisbaneCorrectionalforNuminbahprisonfarm
sixweekslater,Iwasrunning800laps.Myfeetwerelikerocks,
theyweresocalloused.Iwastandmyheadwasclear.
Itwasntmuch,butitwassomething.
Moreover,though,itwasanewstart.Ineededoneofthem.
Copyright Darryn Cresswell 2013. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced,
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