- i -

Conflict M

anagement W

eek Elem

entary Activity G

uide The w

eek of May 1-7, 2000 has been designated by the G

overnor of Ohio to be Conflict

Managem

ent Week. W

ith heightened awareness to issues of school safety, it is im

portant for schools to take an active role in prom

oting constructive responses to conflict. The resources in this guide w

ill help you do that. D

uring Conflict Managem

ent Week your school m

ay wish to engage in school-w

ide activities to draw

attention to issues of conflict and peace. Ideas offered by OEA

are found of page 1-2 of this guide. A

description of a process for improving the overall clim

ate of the school through the use of the classroom

meetings w

ill be found on pages 3-4. A

first step in promoting constructive responses to conflict is to gain an understanding about

conflict. Conflict is a natural and inevitable part of living. Managing conflict is difficult for m

any people because they have not been taught how

to resolve differences in cooperative, nonviolent w

ays. How

ever, appropriate responses can be learned. The six steps of conflict resolution are shared on pages 6-8, including a poster that can be reproduced for classroom

use. Conflicts abound in part because individuals have different values, needs and desires. If the cause of a conflict is understood, the possibility of lasting resolution is greatly enhanced. A

ctivities for helping students be aw

are of underlying causes of conflict are offered on pages 10-14. Com

munication problem

s can lead to misunderstanding and m

ake conflicts more difficult to

resolve. In addition to learning steps of a conflict managem

ent process, teachers may also w

ork w

ith students to enhance the comm

unication skills used in conflict managem

ent. These include understanding blocks to com

munication, being aware of nonverbal com

munication, using I

statements, and using active listening skills. Resources to teach these skills are included in this

guide on pages 17-22. M

aking use of themes of conflict can invigorate subject areas across the curriculum

. Studies have show

n that student comprehension and retention of m

aterial was enhanced w

hen students applied conflict concepts and skills in their academ

ic subjects (Johnson & Johnson, 1996) 1.

There are numerous w

ays to infuse conflict awareness into every area of the curriculum

. A few

of them

are offered on pages 23-29. Finally, a resource for sharing helpful conflict resolution strategies w

ith parents is included on page 30. I hope you w

ill find these resources useful and that you have a successful Conflict Managem

ent W

eek. For more inform

ation visit our website at w

ww

.state.oh.us/cdr/ or contact: Jennifer Batton, D

irector of School Programs

The Ohio Com

mission on D

ispute Resolution and Conflict Managem

ent 77 South H

igh Street, 24th Floor

Columbus, O

H 43266-0124 Phone: 614-752-9595 or E-m

ail at: jennifer.batton@cdr.state.oh.us

1 Johnson, D

.W. &

Johnson, R. (1996). Conflict resolution and peer mediation program

s in elementary and

secondary schools: A review

of the research. Review of Educational Research, 66, 459-506.

- ii -

Table of Contents

School- Wide A

ctivities A

Week A

gainst Violence: A

list of Peace Week activities …

……

……

……

……

……

Page 1 Creating a D

emocratic Classroom

Environment: The Class M

eeting ……

……

……

… Page 3

Learning About Conflict

S.O.S. for Resolving A

Conflict (Grades 1-2) …

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

… Page 6

S.O.S. for Resolving A

Conflict (Grades 3-6) …

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

… Page 7

A poster of the six step of conflict resolution…

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

….. Page 8

Conflict Web…

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

Page 9 Basic N

eeds (Grades K

-6)……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

…... Page 10

Anim

al Feelings (Grades K

-2) ……

……

.……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

…. Page 14

Dealing w

ith Feelings Book List……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

….…

……

….Page 15

Comm

unication Activities

Nonverbal com

munication…

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

…Page 17

Blast Off (G

rades 4-6)……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

…. Page 18

Using I Statem

ents (Grades K

-3) ……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

… Page 19

I Statement Poster …

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

…...Page 20

Being a Good Listener …

……

……

……

…..…

……

……

……

…..…

……

……

……

…Page 22

Conflict Managem

ent Across The Curriculum

U

nderstanding Conflict Across the Curriculum

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

….. Page 23

More W

ays to Practice Conflict Skills Across the Curriculum

……

……

……

……

….. Page 25

Academ

ic Controversy……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

Page 26

The Maligned W

olf……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

……

Page 27 Conflict M

anagement A

rt Slogans ……

……

……

…...…

……

……

…..…

……

……

… Page 29

Family H

armony …

……

……

……

..……

……

……

……

……

……

……

.……

……

… Page 30

- 1 -

A W

eek Against V

iolence Som

e ideas from O

EA's Peace and International Relations Com

mittee.

To help OEA

mem

bers organize the observance of a "Week A

gainst Violence" in their ow

n school system

, the PIR Comm

ittee has compiled a list of suggested activities. The suggestions

have been compiled from

several resources, including the Young W

omen's Christian A

ssociation (Y

WCA

), which originated the W

eek Without V

iolence program nationally.

School activities

• Peace graffiti w

all. Line a brick wall w

ith brown or w

hite paper. Add brick lines and the

students, teachers and parents send a peaceful message.

• Peace m

arch. Have students m

ake their own peace signs. Take a peace w

alk. •

Sing-a-long. Invite parents and comm

unity mem

bers for an old fashioned peace sing-a-long. •

Contests, contests. Poetry, posters, essays and m

ore! •

Fashion show. D

ecorate hats, cardboard, T-shirts, buttons, etc. with peaceful m

essages. •

Peace assembly. Each class w

ill share an activity from the suggested classroom

ideas. •

Peacemaker tree. Each tim

e a student completes a peacem

aking task, fill out a leaf and add it to the tree.

• Turn off the violence day. Students and parents fill out a contract to turn off any violent TV

program

and work together on som

ething peaceful. Post the contracts in the school. •

Exchange readers. Older students w

ill read stories with a nonviolent m

essage to younger students.

• Peace toss contest. D

ecorate frisbees with peace signs. Toss them

for distance. •

Peace cookies bake sale. Decorate sugar cookies w

ith peace signs. Send proceeds to an organization against violence.

• C

omm

unity guest speakers. Ask m

embers of the local and state governm

ent to speak about conflict and about w

ays to deal with it.

Classroom

activities •

Find kindness in the newspaper. Create a collage of pictures and w

ords demonstrating a

peaceful environment.

• D

esign peaceful bumper stickers.

• D

evelop a "Peace New

spaper." •

Read "R

andom A

cts of Kindness."

• C

reate a nonviolence pledge to be read every day. •

Write a play and perform

for parents and other classes. •

Create peace w

ord searches and crossword puzzles. Change the lyrics to a popular song to

fit the peace theme.

• Sponsor an essay contest about violence.

• Start a peace train or corner for reading.

• Perform

a peace rap or peace song. •

Start a peace chain for doing good deeds. •

Com

e up with a peace quote for the day.

• Study the great peacem

akers. •

Analyze the num

ber/amount of violent program

s/violence on TV and in m

usic. •

Write a letter to the future m

e

- 2 -

• W

rite about what it w

ill be like ten years down the road, including one's hopes for peace.

• Identify ten student acts of peace.

• G

ive students an "I have a dream" w

riting assignment for m

aking the world m

ore peaceful.

• H

ave students design and put up peace posters. •

Display a peace quilt.

• M

ake place mats and posters and decorate grocery bags for businesses to use.

• C

ontact the local police department for ideas.

• Paint a peace m

ural on a wall in the school.

• Study the am

ount of publicity given to peaceful versus violent events on the front page of the new

spaper. •

Do a good deed.

Com

munity activities

• H

ost an evening of cooperative family gam

es. •

Sponsor a series of lectures about handling conflict in the home.

• Start a peer m

ediation class for parents and kids. •

Sponsor a safety fair for children and adults to raise self-esteem and prom

ote self-confidence.

• G

et involved in comm

unity service projects (for example, food banks or w

ork with senior

citizens).

Reprinted with perm

ission from O

hio Schools Magazine, N

umber 7

September, 1996, pp. 10-11.

- 3 -

Creating a D

emocratic C

lassroom Environm

ent: The Class M

eeting Tw

enty Kinds of C

lass Meetings

1. G

ood news m

eeting: "Who has som

e good news to share?

2. C

ircle whip: G

o around the circle; everyone can either complete the "sentence-starter" or

choose to pass. After everyone has had a turn, the teacher can use individual students'

responses as a springboard for interactive discussion. Some sam

ple sentence-starters are: •

"Something I like about this class . . ."

• "Som

ething I think would m

ake our class better . . . " •

"A decision I think w

e should make . . ."

• "I'm

wondering w

hy . . ." •

"Something that bothers m

e . . ." •

"I wish . . ."

3. Appreciation tim

e: "Who w

ould you like to appreciate?" 4.

Com

pliment tim

e: One or tw

o children are chosen; taking one child at a time, the teacher

invites classmates to say som

ething they like or admire about that person.

5. G

oal-setting meeting: D

iscuss the goals for the morning, the day, the w

eek, a curriculum

unit, the academic year.

6. Rule-setting m

eeting: "What rules do w

e need for our classroom?" "For going to gym

?" "For the upcom

ing field trip?" 7.

Rule-evaluating meeting: H

ave students write about, then discuss the follow

ing questions: "W

hat are the school rules? Why do w

e have them? A

re they good rules? If you could change one rule, w

hat would it be? D

o any of our classroom rules need changing to m

ake them

work better?"

8. Stage-setting meeting: For exam

ple, before a small-group activity: "W

hat can you do to make

things go smoothly in your group?"

9. Feedback and evaluation: "How

well did you w

ork together?" "How

could you make it go

better the next time?" "W

hat was good about today?" "H

ow can w

e make tom

orrow a better

day?" 10. Reflections on learnings: "W

hat did you learn from this activity (unit, project, book)?" "O

ne new

idea or understanding?" 11. Student presentation: O

ne or two students present a piece of their w

ork, such as a project or story; other class m

embers ask questions and offer appreciative com

ments.

- 4 -

12. Problem-solving m

eetings: •

Individual problem: "W

ho's having a problem that w

e might be able to help solve?"

• G

roup problem: "W

hat's a class problem w

e should talk about?" •

Com

plaints and recomm

endations: Ground rule: Y

ou can make a com

plaint about a problem,

but you have to offer a recomm

endation for correcting it. •

Fairness meeting: "H

ow can w

e solve this conflict (e.g., cutting in line, disputes over m

aterials or equipment, argum

ents over cleanup) in a way that's fair to every-body?

13. Academic issues: "W

hy do we have to study this?" "W

hat would help you do a better job on

homew

ork?" "On the next test?" "H

ow could the last test have been im

proved?" 14. C

lassroom im

provement m

eeting: "What changes w

ould make our classroom

better?" Possibilities: changing the physical arrangem

ent of the classroom, new

ways of w

orking together, new

learning games, ideas for class-created bulletin boards, etc.

15. Follow-up m

eeting: "How

is the solution/change we agreed upon w

orking? Can we m

ake it w

ork better?" 16. Planning m

eeting: "What group projects w

ould you like to do?" "What topics to study?"

"What field trips to take?" "W

hat would be fun to do differently next w

eek in spelling, math,

or science?" "What w

ould be the most exciting w

ay to study this next topic?" 17. C

oncept meeting: "W

hat is a friend? How

do you make one?" "W

hat is a conscience? How

does it help you?" 18. Sticky situations: "W

hat should you/would you do if: Y

ou find a wallet on the sidew

alk with

$20 in it?" . . . "You find just a $20 bill?" . . . "Y

ou see a kid stealing something from

som

ebody else's locker?" . . . "There's a new kid that you'd like to be nice to but your friends

think she/he is weird?" . . . "A

friend asks to copy your homew

ork?" . . . "A friend you're

with shoplifts a CD

?" . . . "Two kids on the bus are picking on a little kid and m

aking him

cry?" 19. Suggestion box/class business box: A

ny appropriate item students have subm

itted for discussion.

20. Meeting on m

eetings: "What have you liked about our class m

eetings? What haven't you

liked? What have w

e accomplished? H

ow can w

e improve our m

eetings?" Ten Steps in a C

lass Meeting

1. C

ircle up: Form a good circle and call the m

eeting to order. 2.

Set the agenda: State the purpose and goals for the meeting.

3. Set the rules: Establish or review

rules for "good talking and listening." 4.

Identify partners: Pair up students who w

ill discuss the problem or topic under consideration.

- 5 -

5. Pose the problem

or question: For example, "Several people have said there's a lot of nam

e-calling on the playground lately. W

hat can we do to solve this problem

?" 6.

Personal thinking time:G

ive students a silent minute to think about the question individually.

7. Signal for quiet: Establish a signal (e.g., flick of the lights) for stopping partner talk in order to begin w

hole-group discussion. 8.

Partner talk: Have partners (in place) share thoughts w

ith each other (3 to 5 minutes);

circulate to help those who m

ay be slow to interact.

9. W

hole-group discussion: Invite several pairs of students to share their ideas with the group;

invite reactions to these ideas; pose follow-up questions; if appropriate, reach and record

agreement on action to be taken and plan im

plementation, and set a tim

e for a follow-up m

eeting. 10. C

lose the meeting: See "V

arious Ways to Close a Class M

eeting" below.

Various W

ays to Close a C

lass Meeting

1. Review

: If the meeting produced an agreem

ent, review it.

2. 'Round the horn: "Let's go around for final, brief com

ments; you m

ay pass if you wish."

3. Rem

embering: "W

hat's something som

ebody said that you though was a good point, even if

you didn't agree with it? Take a m

oment to think . . . then share."

4. Learning: "Think of som

ething you learned from today's m

eeting . . . " Then go around, or ask for volunteers.

5. Q

uestions: "What's a question that's still on your m

ind?" 6.

Com

plete the sentence: Invite all to complete a sentence starter (e.g., "A

t the end of this m

eeting, I think . . ." or, "I feel . . ." or, "I hope . . ."). 7.

Partners: Students respond to any of the above, then share it with their class m

eeting partner (or change partners).

8. Future topics: "Suggested topics for our next m

eeting?" 9.

Silence: "Take a minute to think about today's m

eeting . . . a new idea you got . . . som

ething you'll do differently as a result of our discussion. . . . W

rite it down or just keep it in m

ind." 10. Evaluation: "W

hat did you like about today's meeting? W

hat made it a good discussion?

What could w

e do better or differently next time?"

Excerpted with perm

ission from Educating for C

haracter: How

Our Schools C

an Teach Respect and Responsibility by Thom

as Lickona © 1991 Bantam

Books

- 6 -

S.O.S Steps to R

esolve a Conflict;

Grade Level: 1-2

S.O

.S Steps to Resolve a C

onflict S tory

Each person tells his/her side of the story including using an I-M

essage to say how each feels.

O ptions

Both people suggest possible solution options.

S olutions Both agree on a solution. M

ake sure the option agreed to is safe, fair and w

ill work for both

people. D

eveloped by Gayle H

inesand Vinia Roberts Park Layne Elem

entary School, New

Carlisle, Ohio. Based on "Steps

to Resolve a Conflict" by The Comm

unity Board Programs, Inc.

- 7 -

S.O.S: Steps To R

esolve A C

onflict G

rade Level: 3-6

Begin with the Big C

s: Calm D

own

Cool-Off

Chill-Out

Rem

ember to:

Find a good time and place to talk.

A

void the blame gam

e.

Get all of the facts.

A

cknowledge feelings.

Listen to w

hat the other person is saying.

Focus on the problem-not the person.

S - STOR

Y

1. Both people agree to talk about the problem

and follow ground rules:

O

ne person talks at a time.

N

o interrupting.

N

o name-calling or put-dow

ns.

Be honest.

2. O

ne person tells his/her side of the story, including "I" Message to say how

you feel. 3.

The other person restates what the first person said (e.g. "W

hat I hear you saying is...") and m

ay ask questions to clarify understanding. 4.

Now

, the second person tells his/her side of the story, including "I" Message.

5.

The first person then restates what the other person said and m

ay ask questions to clarify

understanding. 6.

Agree on w

hat the problem is.

O - O

PTION

S Brainstorm

options with both people suggesting possible solution options (e.g., "W

ell, how about

..."). Remem

ber no evaluating -- all suggestions are accepted at this point and written dow

n. S - SO

LUTIO

N

1. Evaluate options. Look for options that are safe, fair and w

ill work for both

people. 2.

Choose a solution where both people can be w

inners. 3.

If it doesn't work, get back together and discuss other options.

4. If this doesn't w

ork and there is still a problem, ask som

eone for help.

Developed by G

ayle Hines and V

inia Roberts, Park Layne Elementary School.

Based on "Steps to Resolve a Conflict," Comm

unity Board Program, Inc.

- 8 -

How

To Settle Differences

Reprinted w

ith permission from

Creative C

onflict Solving for Kids by Fran Schm

idt and Alice Friedm

an, © 1985

the Grace Contrino A

brams Peace Education Foundation

- 9 -

Conflict W

eb

G

rade Level: 3-6

Subject: Language Arts

Materials:

chalkboard and chalk or very large sheet of paper with crayons/m

arkers Procedure:

This activity gives students a look at the big picture about conflict. 1.

In the center of the paper write the w

ord "Conflict", and circle it. 2.

Ask the class w

hat the word m

eans and what associations and m

emories it evokes. Each

time som

ething is suggested, draw a solid line from

the main circle and add the w

ord or phrases:

wars

fights at school CO

NFLIC

T

brothers and sisters 3.

As students begin suggesting ideas related to those previously suggested, link them

not to the m

ain circle but to the appropriate previous contribution.

parents

doing jobs

rules at home

how m

oney is spent

C

ON

FLICT

using toys and gam

es

brothers & sisters

Continue the w

eb as long as interest remains high.

Discussion:

How

could we define conflict? W

hat causes conflict? W

hat elements do all conflicts seem

to have in comm

on? W

hat makes it w

orse? What cools it off?

Reprinted with perm

ission from Peace Is The W

hole World Sm

iling, 1994, Colonial Hills School

- 10 -

Basic Needs

G

rade Level: K-6

Objective: To learn that m

ost conflicts between people involve the attem

pt to meet basic needs

for belonging, power, freedom

and fun M

aterials: D

istribute the worksheets that follow

: "How

We M

eet Our Basic N

eeds," "How

I Meet M

y Basic N

eeds," and "Looking at My Conflicts."

Procedure: 1. Refer the group to "Basic N

eeds," and discuss. Emphasize that m

ost disputes between

people involve the attempt to m

eet basic needs for belonging, power, freedom

, and fun. 2. Refer the group to "H

ow W

e Meet O

ur Basic Needs." D

iscuss the idea that, although we all

share the same basic needs, the things each of us chooses to do to m

eet these needs is different. For exam

ple, everyone has a need for power. H

owever, Paul gets this need m

et by developing his m

usic skills. Elizabeth gets this need met by being on the soccer team

. Darrin

gets this need met by being able to draw

cartoon heroes. 3. Refer the group to the "H

ow I M

eet My Basic N

eeds" form. G

ive students time to record

some of the things they do to get their basic needs m

et. 4. In sm

all groups, have students discuss the examples they recorded and com

pare how they are

alike and how they are different.

5. Repeat the idea that basic needs are usually the origin of conflict: For instance, suppose you are upset because your friend is going to a party you w

ere not invited to. You m

ight get into a conflict w

ith this friend because you are not getting your belonging need met. Suppose

someone calls you a nam

e and you get into an argument. N

ame calling show

s a lack of respect, w

hich is related to the power need.

6. Refer the group to "Looking at My Conflicts." A

sk students to record examples of conflicts

they have experienced in each need shape. 7. H

ave students get back into the same sm

all groups to talk about each need and the conflicts they have experienced.

8. Summ

arize that being aware of our basic needs helps identify unm

et needs as the origin of conflict: W

hen we understand the origin of a conflict, w

e have a better chance of resolving it.

From C

reating the Peaceable School (Program G

uide; pp. 65-66) by Richard J. Bodine, Donna K

. Crawford, &

Fred Schrum

pf, 1994, Champaign, IL: Research Press. Copyright 1994 by the authors. Reprinted by perm

ission.

- 11 -

How

We M

eet Our B

asic Needs

• O

ur BELON

GIN

G need is m

et by developing relationships w

ith other where w

e have the opportunity to love, share, and cooperate.

• Our PO

WER

need is met by achieving,

accom

plishing, and being recognized and

respected. • O

ur FREED

OM

need is met by m

aking

choices in our lives. • O

ur FUN

need is met by laughing and playing.

W

e are born with the sam

e basic needs.

How

ever, the things we each choose to do to

meet these needs

may be different

from w

hat others choose.

From C

reating the Peaceable School (Student Guide; p. 18) by Richard J. Bodine, D

onna K. Craw

ford, & Fred

Schrumpf, 1994, Cham

paign, IL: Research Press. Copyright 1994 by the authors. Reprinted by permission.

- 12 -

How

I Meet M

y Basic Needs

Instructions: In each need shape, draw

or write som

e thing you do to meet your basic needs.

BELON

GIN

G

POW

ER

FR

EEDO

M

FU

N

From

Creating the Peaceable School (Student G

uide; p. 19) by Richard J. Bodine, Donna K

. Crawford, &

Fred Schrumpf, 1994,

Champaign, IL: Research Press. Copyright 1994 by the authors. Reprinted by perm

ission.

- 13 -

Looking at My C

onflicts Instructions: In each need shape, draw

or write exam

ples of conflicts you have experienced.

BELO

NG

ING

PO

WER

FR

EEDO

M

FU

N

From

Creating the Peaceable School (Student G

uide; p. 20) by Richard J. Bodine, Donna K

. Crawford, &

Fred Schrum

pf, 1994, Champaign, IL: Research Press. Copyright 1994 by the authors. Reprinted by perm

ission.

- 14 -

Anim

al Feelings

Objective: Students w

ill identify their primary affective "style."

Sometim

es we think that anim

als have feelings like we do. G

rown-ups som

etimes say:

Can you draw

a picture (or find one in a magazine) of the anim

al that you think is most like you?

Reprinted with perm

ission from The Building Blocks of Self-Esteem

by Lawrence E. Shapiro,

Ph.D. ©

1993, The Center for Applied Psychology, Inc.

- 15 -

Dealing w

ith Feeling Book List

Alexander A

nd The Terrible, Horrible N

o Good, V

ery Bad Day by Judith V

iorst. A

ngry, by Janine Am

os. Steck-Vaughn, 1991.

Bailey The Big Bully, by Lizi Boyd. Puffin Books, 1991. Being Bullied, by Joy Berry. Living Skills, 1988. Being Bullied, by K

ate Petty & Charlotte Firm

in. Barron's, 1991. Berenstain Bears A

nd The Bully, by Stan & Jan Berenstain. Random

House, 1993.

Bully For You, by Toni G

offe. Child's Play, 1991. Fighting, by Joy Berry. Living Skills, 1988. H

ow To D

eal With Friends, by Richard Pow

ell. Waterm

ill Press, 1990. I'll Fix A

nthony by Judith Viorst.

Kelly Bear's Feelings, by Leah D

avies. Kelly Bear Books, 1989.

Luke's Bully, by Elizabeth Winthrop. Puffin Books, 1990.

Move O

ver There, by Martha A

lexander. Dial, 1981.

Noel The Cow

ard, by Robert Kraus. Sim

on & Schuster, 1989.

Once I W

as A Bully: A

nd You'll N

ever Guess W

hat Happened, by D

oris Sanford. M

ultnomah, 1990.

A Real W

inner, by Patricia & Frederick M

cKissack. M

illiken, 1987. Secret O

f The Peaceful Warrior: A

Story About Courage A

nd Love, by Dan

Millm

an. Starseed Press, 199l. The Tem

per Tantrum Book, by Edna M

itchell. Puffin Books, 1969. Tw

o And M

e Makes Three, by Roberta G

reene. Coward-M

cCaan, 1970. W

hy Are Y

ou So Mean To M

e? by Deborah H

autig, Random H

ouse, 1986.

- 16 -

"When Y

ou're Angry and Y

ou Know

It" Song

Sing to the tune of "When You're H

appy and You Know It" W

hen You're A

ngry And Y

ou Know

It, V

erse 1: Stop A

nd Think! V

erse 2: (Talk To A

Friend) V

erse 3: (G

o For A W

alk) V

erse 4: (Jiggle Y

our Body) V

erse 5: (W

e would elicit suggestions from

the youth with the caveat that their responses had

to be things that wouldn't hurt them

or any other living being; e.g. kick a dog/cat.)

When Y

ou're Angry A

nd You K

now It,

Stop And Think!

When Y

ou're Angry A

nd You K

now It,

There's A H

ealthy (Or Peaceful) W

ay To Show It,

When Y

ou're Angry A

nd You K

now It,

Stop And Think!

N

ote: We w

ould create motions and m

ovements to go w

ith each of the responses such as putting their hands up for "STO

P" and pointing their finger at their head for "THIN

K", etc.

Reprinted w

ith permission of the Center for Peace Education, Cincinnati, O

H 513-221-4863

- 17 -

Nonverbal C

omm

unication G

rade Level: 2-6

Materials

10 index cards labeled w

ith the following w

ords:

Scared

W

orried

Excited

Bored

Irritated

H

urt

Snobby

Guilty

Sad

Angry

Time

15-20 minutes

Procedure

1. Introduce the concept of body language through a dem

onstration that sends the class a "mixed

message." For exam

ple, storm into the room

, slam a book dow

n on your desk, stand with your

arms crossed, frow

n, stamp your foot, and say, "Today w

ill be a great day; we w

ill do some

really interesting and fun things today." Then ask the class how

they felt about the words you w

ere saying.

Did

they believe

them?

Were they com

fortable with them

? Why not? H

ow else w

ere you comm

unicating? Which w

as m

ore believable? 2. D

iscuss the concept of body language with the class. (W

e all comm

unicate on two levels: in

verbal and nonverbal ways. Feelings are often com

municated through body language.)

3. Ask for volunteers to dem

onstrate, through body language, the words (feelings) w

ritten on the index cards; have the class identify the feelings being dem

onstrated.

Reprinted with perm

ission from Resolving C

onflict Through Mediation, Ætna Life Insurance

Company *Source: A

dapted form Project Response and Conflict M

anagement Training G

uide

- 18 -

Blast Off!

Grade Level: 4-6

A problem

can best be solved through discussion rather than argument. D

ecide which statem

ents in the rocket ships w

ould help get a discussion off the ground and color those rockets' flames red. Read the

definitions of discussion and arguing below before coloring the flam

es.

D

iscussion is an exchange of ideas, feelings, thoughts and opinions. It is relating to one another. It makes

for better understanding and problem solving.

Arguing is avoiding one another. Its purpose is also to express ideas, feelings thoughts and opinions but

with the purpose of insulting and hurting others. It stops problem

solving and creates anger. Com

pare the statements that w

ould get a discussion off the ground with those that w

ould keep the discussion from

going anywhere (except lead to argum

ents and explosions). Discuss w

ith your teacher and classm

ates the difference between the statem

ents.

Reprinted with perm

ission from Interactions by D

ebbie Pincus, 1988, Good A

pple, M

odern Curriculum Press, 250 Jam

es St., Morristow

n, NJ.

- 19 -

Using “I” Statem

ents

G

rade Level: K - 3

Objectives: The students w

ill be able to: 1.

explain behaviors of others that annoy them.

2. dem

onstrate giving "I statements" as a response to annoying behavior.

Materials:

1. Book--choose one from

list at end of this lesson 2.

Poster for "I statements" (see step #5)

3. Chart paper or board

Learning Experience: 1.

Read a book chosen from the list at end of lesson to the class.

2. A

sk students to name som

e things that classmates do to bother them

at school. (Don't allow

any nam

es.) List responses on chart paper or board. 3.

Ask students to think about how

they feel when som

eone bothers them.

Exam

ples:

Angry at them

.

Sad, maybe they don't like m

e.

Afraid to say anything because I m

ight hurt their feelings.

Afraid to say anything because they m

ight get mad at m

e.

Unsure w

hat to do. 4.

Ask students to think about w

hat they do when som

eone bothers them.

Exam

ples:

Talk about that person to other people.

A

ct as if it doesn't bother me.

Ignore the person.

Try not to get upset.

Y

ell at them.

H

it them or try to hurt them

in some w

ay. 5.

Explain "I statements" are acceptable w

ays to handle people who bother you."

Feeling hurt or angry are norm

al feelings.

Y

elling or hitting, kicking, etc. are unacceptable ways of dealing w

ith the problem.

A

cceptable ways are "I statem

ents".

Show

the following poster to the students, then go to the next page.

- 20 -

"I" Statement Poster

N

ame the feeling you have.

" I feel_________________________

Nam

e the behavior that bothers you.

"w

hen_________________________ Tell w

hat the consequences of the behavior are.

"because___________________________

Say what you w

ant to happen instead. "and I w

ould like_________________"

- 21 -

Provide examples of tw

o ways to respond to situations (unacceptable and using "I"

statements").

Som

eone takes your eraser without asking. Exam

ple of "I" statement: "I

feel confused w

hen you take my eraser w

ithout asking because I don't know w

here it is. Next tim

e please ask m

e."

A classm

ate keeps telling you what to do.

Som

eone laughs at your answer.

6. Practice applying the skill:

A

sk each student will cut out one blank finger puppet, put a face on it, and tape it to their

finger.

H

elp students find a partner to work w

ith.

D

escribe an annoying situation that might really happen to them

. Use exam

ples from

chart made at beginning of the lesson.

Students m

ake the finger puppets respond to the situation with "I" statem

ents.

Teacher circulates, listening to responses and reviewing the steps of "I"

statements for

those having trouble. C

losure: 1.

Review the story that w

as read at the beginning of the lesson. Ask "H

ow did the characters

handle a person bothering them? D

id they use an acceptable or unacceptable method? W

hat w

ould an "I" statement have sounded like in this story? G

ive examples.

2. O

ther stories could be read and analyzed in the same w

ay.

Book List

Angry, by Janine A

mos. Steck-V

aughn, 1991

And M

y Mean O

ld Mother W

ill Be Sorry, Blackboard Bear, by M. A

lexander. Dial, 1972.

Berenstain Bears G

et in a Fight, by Stan & Jan Berenstain. Random

House, 1982.

The Brow

n Bear Who W

asn't: Expressing Feelings, by C. Kaplan. M

illiken, 1990.

Feelings, by Aliki. M

ulberry Press, 1984.

The Hating Book, by Charlotte Zolotow

. Harper Collins, 1969.

I'm

Mad, by Elizabeth Crary. Parenting Press, 1992.

I W

as So Mad, by N

orma Sim

on. Whitm

an, 1974.

I Was So M

ad, by Mercer M

ayer. Golden Books, 1983.

The Q

uarreling Book, by Charlotte Zolotow. H

arper & Row

, 1963.

Sassafras, by Stephen Cosgrove. Price Stern Sloan, 1988.

Throwing Tantrum

s, by Joy Berry. Living Skills, 1988.

Won't Som

ebody Play With M

e? by Stephen Kellogg. D

ial, 1972.

- 22 -

Being A G

ood Listener

1. Listen as if you w

ere in the other person's place to better understand w

hat the person is saying and how

he or she feels. 2.

Show you understand and care w

ith verbal and nonverbal behavior

-tone of voice

-facial expressions

-gestures

-eye contact

-posture

3. Restate the person's m

ost important

thoughts and feelings.

4. D

o not interrupt, offer advice or give suggestions. D

o not begin to talk about problem

s you have or bring up similar

experiences of your own.

- 23 -

Activities A

cross the Curriculum

A

s you teach conflict managem

ent skills you will discover m

any opportunities to model and to

incorporate these life skills into the curriculum. Y

ou may w

ant to consider linking conflict m

anagement w

ith academics.

1. Look at the objective of the lessons to be taught.

2. Look at the suggested activity for achieving the objective.

3. Consider the concepts and skills required to m

anage conflict nonviolently. 4.

Decide if

• the suggested activity can be adapted in such a w

ay that it can achieve both your primary

objective and a conflict managem

ent objective

or •

if a different activity could be used that would accom

plish both objectives. For exam

ple: your objective is to review for a test on content. If the activity for doing so is oral

review, you m

ight add that each student must paraphrase w

hat the person before said before answ

ering. The added objective would be to practice active listening and paraphrasing.

A

rt/Music

Consider these: 1.

Listen to songs that promote peace and nonviolent conflict resolution.

2. Consider w

hat elements in a m

usical composition escalate and de-escalate em

otions. 3.

Develop art projects around the them

e of promoting peace.

4. D

esign jigsaw puzzles.

Science

Examining conflict in nature is a great approach integrating science and conflict m

anagement.

Consider the following possibilities.

1. Relate air and w

ater pressure to anger managem

ent. 2.

Compare optical illusions to the problem

s of differing perspectives. 3.

Study controversial environmental issues from

both viewpoints.

4. Com

pare the scientific method to problem

solving.

Social Studies Consider integrating lessons on conflict in these w

ays. 1.

Study biographies of peacemakers.

2. Exam

ine how different cultures deal w

ith conflict. 3.

Look at an historical conflict from both sides.

4. H

ave groups represent different sides in an historical conflict. Use conflict resolution steps to

talk through the conflict.

- 24 -

Math

The following quote from

Arithm

etic Teacher underlines the opportunity math provides to

develop and enhance students' thinking and problem solving skills.

W

e Get W

hat We A

sk For A

s teachers, we get w

hat we ask for. If w

e ask only for simple num

erical answers, children w

ill value only procedures and com

putational tasks. But, if we ask for discussion, explanation, and

elaboration; and if we rew

ard these kinds of answers, then children w

ill value understanding and m

eaning. John L. H

iggins, Arithm

etic Teacher, January, 1988 Problem

solving is as much a natural part of m

athematics as it is of conflict m

anagement.

Consider the following ideas:

1. Separate the relevant inform

ation in a story problem from

the irrelevant data. 2.

Balance equations as a parallel for fair, win-w

in, outcomes.

3. A

ll conflict resolution involves solving puzzles. Apply the steps of solving m

athematical

puzzles to conflict situations.

A

dopting Themes

Teachers can develop themes related to conflict m

anagement and build activities around those

themes. Exam

ples of themes are: fam

ily, working together, com

munity, conflict, citizenship, etc.

Health also offers a good area to develop concepts of self-esteem

, feelings, I-message,

relationships, and problem solving m

odel for resolving conflicts. D

eveloped with contributions from

Vinia Roberts, Park Layne Elem

entary, New

Carlisle, OH

and M

artha Green, PLO

WSH

ARES, G

lenford, OH

614-659-2322.

- 25 -

More Practice A

cross the Curriculum

A

rt [3 - 6] Cartoon Strips. Strengthen students' artistic abilities by having them create cartoon

strips that show how

to handle anger-provoking situations. Ask them

to have one character respond in a positive w

ay to someone's annoying behavior. Invite students to post their strips on

a bulletin board and/or read them aloud.

Teaching Tip: Use fights, argum

ents, and other negative encounters between students as

"teachable mom

ents." After tem

pers have cooled, discuss how the people involved responded to

the problem. W

hat did they say to one another? How

did they say it? How

might they have

handled the situation more effectively?

[K - 6] Think of a Better Way. Invite volunteers to describe how

they responded to the anger-provoking behavior of a classm

ate, friend, brother, or sister—-w

ithout naming anyone. Select

some situations for students to act out w

ith a better approach, expressing their feelings in a more

helpful way. Then discuss how

different approaches lead to different outcomes.

Social Studies [2 - 6] A

nger for Change. Have students w

ork as individuals, groups, or a class to list things in the school or com

munity that are unfair and m

ake them angry, such as older students not sharing

the playground equipment w

ith younger students. Select several comm

on concerns to explore as a class. D

iscuss how the students m

ight use their anger to take positive action and address these problem

s. This is also a good activity for Big and Little Buddies to do together. [4 - 6] Letter Cam

paign. Read aloud letters people have written to local new

spapers about issues that upset them

. Then encourage students to write to business or governm

ent leaders and express their ow

n concerns, along with possible w

ays to address those concerns. Before mailing the

letters, read several aloud and post copies on a bulletin board. Discuss and post any responses to

students' letters. [4 - 6] In the N

ews. To prom

ote interest in current affairs, have students bring in news stories

that describe the consequences of expressing anger in negative ways. D

iscuss how calm

ing dow

n, thinking things through, and talking things out might have changed w

hat happened.

Expressing Anger is a com

ponent of a comprehensive conflict m

anagement program

, Lions-Q

uest Working It O

ut 1995, with perm

ission of Quest International.

- 26 -

Academ

ic Controversy

Structured C

ontroversies Structured controversies prom

ote conceptual conflicts. In order to maxim

ize student achievement,

student critical thinking, and student use of higher-level reasoning strategies, teachers need to engage students in educational conflicts w

ithin which they have to prepare positions, view

the issue from

a variety of perspectives, and synthesize the various positions into one position. The frequent use of academ

ic controversies allow students to practice their conflict skills daily.

Taken from Teaching Students To Be Peacem

akers Interaction Book C

ompany

David W

. Johnson and Roger T. Johnson, 1991

Procedure For An Issue C

ontroversy G

oals: 1.

Work together to reach the best decision.

2.

Reach an individual, informed opinion.

Steps: Each group of four follow

s these steps.

1. Form

groups of four. Within each group, m

ake two team

s, A and B.

2. D

efine the issue or problem and identify the tw

o positions. 3.

Assign team

A to one position and team

B to the other. 4.

Each team researches their position and articulates the m

ain ideas and details to support it.

5. A

ll teams assigned the sam

e position can periodically work together to share their

information.

6. W

ithin each group, team A

presents its information to team

B. Then team B

presents its information.

7. Q

uestions go back and forth. 8.

Each team sw

itches perspectives and summ

arizes the other position accurately and com

pletely. 9.

The group of four complete a pro/con analysis of each position and reaches a

decision. Each mem

ber of the group must be able to state the group's decision and

the support for it. 10.

Finally, each individual writes a justified personal opinion as to w

hich position to support.

Excerpt from

Issue Controversy, Social Studies D

epartment of Pom

peraug High School Region

15 Public Schools, Southbury, CT 06762

- 27 -

The Maligned W

olf

Grade Level: K

- 6

Objectives:

The students will:

1. understand that there are two sides to every story.

2. appreciate the importance of hearing both sides.

Materials:

A copy of "The M

aligned Wolf" (See next page.)

A copy of "Little Red Riding H

ood" Procedure:

Stories and discussion: 1.

Read or tell the class the story of "Little Red Riding Hood"

2. A

sk the class:

What happened?

H

ow did you feel about Red Riding H

ood?

How

did you feel about the wolf?

3. Read or tell the class the story of "The M

aligned Wolf." (See next page.)

4. A

sk the class:

a. H

ow is this different from

the story of Little Red Riding Hood?

b.

How

is it the same?

c.

How

did you feel about the wolf w

hen you heard Little Red Riding Hood's story?

d.

Now

that you've heard the wolf's story, how

do you feel about the wolf?

e.

How

did you feel about Little Red Riding Hood before you heard this story?

f.

How

do you feel about Little Red Riding Hood now

?

Small group w

ork:

Assign students to w

ork with a partner or in a sm

all group to think of another fairy tale in w

hich one party seems totally right and the other totally w

rong. Ask them

to retell the story from

the other party's viewpoint. They m

ight choose the witch in H

ansel and Gretel, the

giant in Jack and the Bean-stalk, the wolf in the Three Little Pigs, etc.

Closure:

Tom

orrow you w

ill have a chance to tell us the story you worked on today. Som

etimes w

e only hear one side of the story. In real life, as in fairy tales, we understand conflicts better if w

e hear both points of view

.

- 28 -

The Maligned W

olf Subject: R

eading

The forest was m

y home. I lived there, and I cared about it. I tried to keep it neat and clean.

Then on sunny day, while I w

as cleaning up some garbage a cam

per had left behind, I heard footsteps. I leaped behind a tree and saw

a little girl coming dow

n the trail carrying a basket. I w

as suspicious of this little girl right away because she w

as dressed funny-- all in red, and her head covered up as if she didn't w

ant people to know w

ho she was. N

aturally, I stopped to check her out. I asked w

ho she was, w

here she was going, w

here she had come from

, and all that. She gave m

e a song and dance about going to her grandmother's house w

ith a basket of lunch. She appeared to be a basically honest person, but she w

as in my forest, and she certainly looked

suspicious with that strange getup of hers. So I decided to teach her just how

serious it is to prance through the forest unannounced and dressed funny. I let her go on her w

ay, but I ran ahead to her grandmother's house. W

hen I saw that nice old

wom

an, I explained my problem

and she agreed that her granddaughter needed to learn a lesson all right. The old w

oman agreed to stay out of sight until I called her. A

ctually, she hid under the bed. W

hen the girl arrived, I invited her into the bedroom w

here I was in the bed, dressed like the

grandmother. The girl cam

e in all rosy-cheeked and said something nasty about by big ears. I've

been insulted before so I made the best of it by suggesting that m

y big ears would help m

e to hear better. N

ow, w

hat I meant w

as that I liked her and wanted to pay close attention to w

hat she w

as saying. But she made another insulting crack about m

y bulging eyes. Now

you can see how I w

as beginning to feel about this girl who put on such a nice front, but w

as apparently a very nasty person. Still, I've m

ade it a policy to turn the other cheek, so I told her that my big eyes

helped me to see her better.

Now

let's face it- no wolf could ever eat a little girl- everyone know

s that- but that crazy girl started running around the house scream

ing- me chasing her to calm

her down. I'd taken off the

grandmother's clothes, but that only seem

ed to make it w

orse. All of a sudden the door cam

e crashing open, and a big lum

berjack is standing there with his ax. I looked at him

, and all of the sudden it cam

e clear that I was in trouble. There w

as an open window

behind me and out I w

ent. I'd like to say that w

as the end of it. But that Grandm

other character never did tell my side of the

story. Before long the word got around that I w

as mean, nasty guy. Everybody started avoiding

me. I don't know

about that little girl with the funny red outfit, but I didn't live happily ever after.

Reprinted w

ith permission from

Impact! A Self-Esteem

Based Skill Developm

ent Program for

Secondary Students ©1993, Innerchoice Publishing Co., PO

Box 2476, Spring Valley, CA

, 91977.

- 29 -

Conflict M

anagement A

rt Slogans For Making Posters

Friends Stick Together Like Glue

Don't Fight, D

o What Is Right

Don't Let Y

our Temper Explode

Don't Lose Y

our Cool

Be Honest A

nd Sincere

Fighting Only Brings Tears

Be A G

lamorous Person Fight Fair

Be A H

ero Not A

Bully

Forgive And Forget

Don't H

orse Around A

nd Make Excuses

Tackle The Problem, N

ot The Person

Hands A

re For Helping, N

ot Hurting

Don't Put O

thers Dow

n

The Blame G

ame W

on't Get Y

ou Anyw

here

Hitting Isn't Cool

Attack The Problem

, Not The Person

Be Smart, D

on't Start Fighting

Don't Be Cruel To O

thers

Don't W

reck Your Friendship

Don't Be A

Bully

Be A Friend To The End

Be Nice A

bout Solving Problems

Keep Cool, D

on't Be A Fool

Respect People's Property Stop In The N

ame O

f Peace

- 30 -

Family H

armony: C

onflict Managem

ent at Hom

e

Conflict m

anagement skills and concepts can be used in the hom

e by adults and children to create a living environm

ent that invites every family m

ember to participate in problem

solving. For reading ease, the w

ord "parent" is used in this article to refer to a parent, guardian or other adult that has responsibility for child care. To achieve fam

ily harmony and encourage the use of effective, non-violent conflict m

anagement

skills:

Parents give themselves perm

ission to acknowledge their ow

n feelings, particularly anger; differentiate betw

een residual anger and current frustrations; and access the healthy energy of anger and utilize it to m

ove forward tow

ard building solutions.

Parents enable children / youth to focus the energy of their feelings toward building solutions

and are particularly sensitive to gender socializations that tend to compel girls to release

angry feelings through tears (powerlessness) and boys to release sadness and/or fear through

anger or aggression.

Parents model and coach children / youth to solve problem

s by asking reality-checking questions that focus on children's strengths, hopes and future goals, e.g.. "I w

onder what you

would like to do differently?"

A

ll family m

embers acknow

ledge and practice a procedure that requires all persons directly involved in the conflict to com

e together to build the solution. Parents facilitate the process betw

een siblings by listening and posing problem-solving questions and encouraging each

sibling to contribute to the solution.

The framew

ork within w

hich the process of family conflict m

anagement is im

plemented is

consensus. A consensus process requires each fam

ily mem

ber to ask themselves tw

o questions: "H

ow can this problem

be resolved so we can all live in harm

ony" and "How

can this problem

be resolved in a way that w

ill allow each person to feel the solution is fair?"

The goal of consensus is to prom

ote interdependence and mutual respect.

A

ll family m

embers practice active listening and use "I" m

essages intentionally to create and m

aintain an environment in w

hich each person, regardless of age or gender, can take the risk of stating their needs and interests.

W

hen implem

enting the conflict resolution process; particular care is used to assure that each person involved in the conflict articulates the first step of defining the problem

from their

perspective. This trust-building stem cannot be forced or evaded. If necessary, allow

each participant to privately w

rite and read each other's definition of the problem.

Parents rem

ain aware of their body language and tone of voice during this processing in

order to maintain an atm

osphere of emotional security. Children / youth are m

ost vulnerable in this setting.

A

t all times, use hum

or and keep focused on building solutions that will perm

it each person involved in the conflict to satisfy their interests.

Reprinted with perm

ission of Barbara E. Oehlberg, Parenting for Peaceful Fam

ilies