Post on 18-Aug-2020
Please take 5 min to complete
the Love Language test
Use any of the following:
www.5lovelanguages.com
5 Love Languages App
Paper Copy on the Table
The 5 Love Languages For Children & Families
A bit of a shuffle...
Please organise tables with matching #1 Love Language.
Heidi MetzlerLearning Diversity Teacher
Primaryheidi.metzler@dc.edu.hk
-BS Elementary Education
-Certifications in Learning Disabilities and Emotional Behavior Disorders
-MA Child & Adolescent Psychology
Today’s Objectives
● Learn how to determine your child’s love language
● Promote child and parent self-awareness
● Build positive relationships
● Improve communication skills
Gary Chapman ● Background in couples
counseling
● Recognised a pattern
● Connected to
communication
Gary Chapman
● Academic Connection
● Human Connection
Academic achievement is connected to relationships.
The big questions...
● Who makes you feel loved?
● What makes you feel loved?
● What makes others feel most loved?
What is love?
Noun?
Verb?
Both?
For our purposes - love is a verb
Benefits -
● Develops sense of self
● Develops awareness of others
● Changes YOU as a parent
Let’s not limit children’s
potential to be givers.
Where do we start?
Questions● How do you express
love towards those in your family?
● What makes you feel appreciated, loved and/or valued in your family?
● What kinds of things hurt your feelings, make you feel unappreciated and/or undervalued?
Words of Affirmation
● Truthful words spoken
or written to someone
that are uplifting or
encouraging
Words of Affirmation Examples
● Be specific
● Verbal or written
● Words of encouragement
● Leave notes - great if you
travel for work
● List why you are proud of
them
● Send a text just to say you
are thinking about them
Words of Affirmation - Caution
● Most overused of all 5 languages
● Not always done well
● Can backfire
The Emotional Tank● Receiving love in your primary language
most effectively fills your tank
● Tanks empty when we don’t receive this
love or experience negative interactions
in our primary language
● A full tank helps with healthy emotional
development
Empty Tank
“Much of the misbehaviour
of children is motivated by
the cravings of an empty
LOVE TANK.” -Gary Chapman
Empties Tank Hurtful words, silent treatment,
not checking in, lack of acknowledgement
Quality Time Examples● 1:1 time● Reading bedtime story● Go for a walk or hike● Dinner as a family● Make eye contact● Watch your child’s favorite show together● Ask questions ● Take an interest ● Ask their opinion● Schedule time in● Surprise trip to movies, shopping, lunch etc.
Quality Time & Friendships or Sibling
How to interact with a Quality Time friend/sibling:
1. Invite them
2. Ask what they want to do
3. Ask them questions about things they are interested in
4. Be a good listener
Empties Tank: being left out, being ignored, lack of eye-contact
(put down your phone)
Caution…Awareness of Screen Time
US Studies between 1970s-1980s● 11-20% reported frequently
feelings of loneliness
Similar US study in 2010● 40-45% reported loneliness
European Studies● 23% reported loneliness
Why?
How much screen time?● 18 months and younger ● No Screen time
● Ages 2-5 ● 1 hour or less
● Ages 6+ ● Parent discretion, productive over entertainment
*American Academy of Pediatrics
Family Media Planwww.healthychildren.org/
App: Screen Time Parental Control
Acts of Service● Doing something for
someone else that is
intentional, unexpected
and helps them out
Acts of Service
● Favorite snack or meal
● Fixing a toy
● Helping with homework
● Learning or teaching a new skill
● Practice together - sports, music, etc.
● Volunteer together
Empties Tank: Not following through, breaking promises
Receiving Gifts● Gifts are more than
just material things -
they can be a symbol of
appreciation, value,
sacrifice, love,
devotion, apologies,
celebration
Receiving Gifts
● They tend to feel self-conscious about it
● Usually don’t like to talk about it
● Gifts require thoughtfulness
● Not usually about the gift,
but about what the gift
represents
Receiving Gifts Examples
● Surprise gifts
● Souvenirs
● Hide a gift to find
● Gifts that are specific to your child’s interests
● Mail them a letter or gift when traveling
● Gift with their name on it
● Special wrapping paper or bags
● Sticker charts for accomplishments/celebrations
Empties Tank: Bribery - trying to buy their love,
taking a gift back
Safe Physical Touch
● Appropriate touch such
as hugs, pats on the
shoulder, high-fives
and fist bumps that
make someone feel good
or can make someone
feel better
Physical Touch
● Babies crave touch
● Feelings of loss when starting school○ Needy, fictitiously injured
● Be honest - are YOU a physical touch person?
Physical Touch Examples
● Hugs
● Sitting close
● Holding hands
● Snuggling up when reading together
● Wrestling, roughhousing & contact sports
● Playing hair salon
● Hand-clap games
● “Tickle fights”
Empties Tank: Rejecting to hug them, sitting further away, any
kinds of unsafe touch
So where to next?
Determine your child’s love language
Love Language Mystery Game
Ages 5-8
● Ask your child to draw
or say some of the ways
parents love their
children
Ages 9-12 & Teen
● Use the love languages
for children quiz online
or in the back of the
book
Tank Game
● “On a scale of 0-10, how full is your tank?”
● “What can I do to help fill it?”
● Each take a turn
● Then do it!
● Try this a few times a week
Resources
Teaching about love helps build relationships,
improves communication, creates a positive climate and is linked to improved academic performance.
Today’s Objectives
● Learn how to determine your child’s love language
● Promote child and parent self-awareness
● Build positive relationships
● Improve communication skills
“Whatever love language your child understands best, he needs it expressed one way - unconditionally.” - Gary Chapman
Questions?