Please take 5 min to complete

the Love Language test

Use any of the following:

www.5lovelanguages.com

5 Love Languages App

Paper Copy on the Table

The 5 Love Languages For Children & Families

A bit of a shuffle...

Please organise tables with matching #1 Love Language.

Heidi MetzlerLearning Diversity Teacher

Primaryheidi.metzler@dc.edu.hk

-BS Elementary Education

-Certifications in Learning Disabilities and Emotional Behavior Disorders

-MA Child & Adolescent Psychology

Today’s Objectives

● Learn how to determine your child’s love language

● Promote child and parent self-awareness

● Build positive relationships

● Improve communication skills

Gary Chapman ● Background in couples

counseling

● Recognised a pattern

● Connected to

communication

Gary Chapman

● Academic Connection

● Human Connection

Academic achievement is connected to relationships.

The big questions...

● Who makes you feel loved?

● What makes you feel loved?

● What makes others feel most loved?

What is love?

Noun?

Verb?

Both?

For our purposes - love is a verb

Benefits -

● Develops sense of self

● Develops awareness of others

● Changes YOU as a parent

Let’s not limit children’s

potential to be givers.

Where do we start?

Questions● How do you express

love towards those in your family?

● What makes you feel appreciated, loved and/or valued in your family?

● What kinds of things hurt your feelings, make you feel unappreciated and/or undervalued?

The 5 Love Languages

Words of Affirmation

● Truthful words spoken

or written to someone

that are uplifting or

encouraging

Words of Affirmation Examples

● Be specific

● Verbal or written

● Words of encouragement

● Leave notes - great if you

travel for work

● List why you are proud of

them

● Send a text just to say you

are thinking about them

Words of Affirmation - Caution

● Most overused of all 5 languages

● Not always done well

● Can backfire

The Emotional Tank● Receiving love in your primary language

most effectively fills your tank

● Tanks empty when we don’t receive this

love or experience negative interactions

in our primary language

● A full tank helps with healthy emotional

development

Empty Tank

“Much of the misbehaviour

of children is motivated by

the cravings of an empty

LOVE TANK.” -Gary Chapman

Empties Tank Hurtful words, silent treatment,

not checking in, lack of acknowledgement

Quality Time● Deliberate &

intentional time spent

with someone

Quality Time Examples● 1:1 time● Reading bedtime story● Go for a walk or hike● Dinner as a family● Make eye contact● Watch your child’s favorite show together● Ask questions ● Take an interest ● Ask their opinion● Schedule time in● Surprise trip to movies, shopping, lunch etc.

Quality Time & Friendships or Sibling

How to interact with a Quality Time friend/sibling:

1. Invite them

2. Ask what they want to do

3. Ask them questions about things they are interested in

4. Be a good listener

Empties Tank: being left out, being ignored, lack of eye-contact

(put down your phone)

Caution…Awareness of Screen Time

US Studies between 1970s-1980s● 11-20% reported frequently

feelings of loneliness

Similar US study in 2010● 40-45% reported loneliness

European Studies● 23% reported loneliness

Why?

https://vimeo.com/101939324

How much screen time?● 18 months and younger ● No Screen time

● Ages 2-5 ● 1 hour or less

● Ages 6+ ● Parent discretion, productive over entertainment

*American Academy of Pediatrics

Family Media Planwww.healthychildren.org/

App: Screen Time Parental Control

Acts of Service● Doing something for

someone else that is

intentional, unexpected

and helps them out

Acts of Service

● Favorite snack or meal

● Fixing a toy

● Helping with homework

● Learning or teaching a new skill

● Practice together - sports, music, etc.

● Volunteer together

Empties Tank: Not following through, breaking promises

Receiving Gifts● Gifts are more than

just material things -

they can be a symbol of

appreciation, value,

sacrifice, love,

devotion, apologies,

celebration

Receiving Gifts

● They tend to feel self-conscious about it

● Usually don’t like to talk about it

● Gifts require thoughtfulness

● Not usually about the gift,

but about what the gift

represents

Receiving Gifts Examples

● Surprise gifts

● Souvenirs

● Hide a gift to find

● Gifts that are specific to your child’s interests

● Mail them a letter or gift when traveling

● Gift with their name on it

● Special wrapping paper or bags

● Sticker charts for accomplishments/celebrations

Empties Tank: Bribery - trying to buy their love,

taking a gift back

Safe Physical Touch

● Appropriate touch such

as hugs, pats on the

shoulder, high-fives

and fist bumps that

make someone feel good

or can make someone

feel better

Physical Touch

● Babies crave touch

● Feelings of loss when starting school○ Needy, fictitiously injured

● Be honest - are YOU a physical touch person?

Physical Touch Examples

● Hugs

● Sitting close

● Holding hands

● Snuggling up when reading together

● Wrestling, roughhousing & contact sports

● Playing hair salon

● Hand-clap games

● “Tickle fights”

Empties Tank: Rejecting to hug them, sitting further away, any

kinds of unsafe touch

So where to next?

Determine your child’s love language

Love Language Mystery Game

Ages 5-8

● Ask your child to draw

or say some of the ways

parents love their

children

Ages 9-12 & Teen

● Use the love languages

for children quiz online

or in the back of the

book

Tank Game

● “On a scale of 0-10, how full is your tank?”

● “What can I do to help fill it?”

● Each take a turn

● Then do it!

● Try this a few times a week

Resources

Teaching about love helps build relationships,

improves communication, creates a positive climate and is linked to improved academic performance.

Today’s Objectives

● Learn how to determine your child’s love language

● Promote child and parent self-awareness

● Build positive relationships

● Improve communication skills

“Whatever love language your child understands best, he needs it expressed one way - unconditionally.” - Gary Chapman

Questions?